Communicating to Influence

Delivered by Noam Kostucki

Influence, Persuade, Manipulate

The Great Onion Theory

Values

Attitudes & Beliefs

Feelings

Behaviours

Most likely babysitter?

• Actively rebellious• Showed disregard for law and

authority• Described as a promoter of

violence and symbol of resistance

• Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity

• Married 3 times• Consistently absent as a father

and husband

• Brought up with a religious education

• Interested in the arts• Described by many as studious

and ambitious• A willing volunteer and

missionary• Loyal serviceman• Awarded for bravery• Respected as an authority in his

field

• Actively rebellious• Showed disregard for law and

authority• Described as a promoter of

violence and symbol of resistance

• Imprisoned, accused of terrorist type activity

• Married 3 times• Consistently absent as a father

and husband

• Brought up with a religious education

• Interested in the arts• Described by many as studious

and ambitious• A willing volunteer and

missionary• Loyal serviceman• Awarded for bravery• Respected as an authority in his

field

IndirectPeople orientedFeeling

DirectTask orientedThinking

OptmisticExtraverted

PessimisticIntroverted

FunEnthusiasticOptimisticUnstructuredCan be mischievousForms opinions from feelingsPeople-oriented

NiceCan be slow to changeAvoids confrontation and conflictWants harmonyLikes to know motivationsIntuitive

Direct Results-orientedLoves change and challengeDecides quicklyRisk takerSeeks solutionsCan be hasty

Wants appreciation for job done – but does not want to be condescended toDecides after evaluationMay be self-criticalConcerned with ideas and principlesLogical

How good are you at listening?

How do they feel?

How do they feel?

“Mitigated Speech”• Command: “Turn thirty degrees right”

• Crew Obligation Statement: “I think we need to deviate right about now”

• Crew Suggestion: “Let’s go around the weather”

• Query: “Which direction would you like to deviate?”

• Preference: “I think it would be wise to turn left or right”

• Hint: “That return at twenty-five miles looks mean”

All I ever needed to know, I learned in kindergarten

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.

Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

These are the things I learned …

Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.

And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK! Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true; no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Robert Fulghum