Communicating for Positive Results

Presented by Peninsula Conflict Resolution Center

April 4, 2014

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Communication challenging?

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• Tips for managing emotions• Effective listening and speaking

techniques• Skills for eliciting underlying needs and

interests• A five-step process for resolving conflict• Getting support

Agenda

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• When a new seedling emerges, the first thing that comes up is dirt, then the perfectly formed sprout

• The first stages of a difficult conversation can feel emotionally messy

• The “dirt” signals that something transformative may happen

• Try to be present with the emotion and see it through

“Dirt Precedes the Sprout”

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Conflict is a disagreement between two or more people or groups about something that is important to them.

Conflict

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• Conflict can escalate when there is an increase in emotion (anger, frustration, shame, fear)

• Conflict can de-escalate when emotions are acknowledged and validated

Emotions and Conflict

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• Step back and take three deep breaths• Cool-off from the immediate emotional heat• Reflect on what triggered you• Re-engage when you are calmer and can

see the big picture• Work to de-escalate the situation

Tips for Managing Emotions

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Active Listening Techniques:• Attend• Summarize -Rephrase-Reflect

• Clarify• Validate

Listening So People Can Talk

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• Rephrase (facts): Restate the major ideas that have been expressed

• Reflect (feelings): Describe the emotions you hear from the other person

Summarize

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• Positions are what we say we want, often in the form of demands

• Needs and interests are the why, or the underlying reasons behind what we want

• It’s important to uncover needs and interests, so that what matters most can be addressed

Positions vs. Interests

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• Ask clarifying questions to understand needs and interests

• Use open-ended questions:–Tell me more about…–What would you like to do about…– In what ways are you concerned

about…–How does that impact/affect you?–What about that is important to you?

Clarify

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• Respectfully acknowledge the speaker’s participation in the problem-solving process

• Even if nothing is resolved, express appreciation: “Thank you for taking the time to talk with me and trying to work something out.”

Validate

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Practice

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• About Non-blaming language• Using “I messages”• Avoiding “poison” words

Speaking So People Can Listen

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1. Cool off

2. Define the problem

3. Find needs

4. Brainstorm solutions

5. Make a plan and go for it

Steps to Resolve a Conflict

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• Prevention

• Support

• Intervention

Getting Assistance

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We covered:• Tips for managing emotions• Effective listening and speaking

techniques• Skills for eliciting underlying needs and

interests• A five-step process for resolving conflict• Getting support

Review

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Questions