Communicating Across Differences:T he Case for Becoming a Cosmopolitan Coach

June Delano

This article first appeared in the International Journal of Coaching in Organizations, 2009 7(2), 92-106. It can only be reprinted and distributed with prior written permission from Professional Coaching

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2009

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communicating across differences: the case for Becoming a cosmopolitan coachJuneDelano

The profile of executive coaching clients is changing as organizations are reshaped by shifting demographics, economies are redefined by globalization, and world powers are realigned. Executive coaches who aspire to work in this new environment will need to stretch their skills from the basics of diversity and cross-cultural awareness to a more sophisticated, cosmopolitan understanding of human differences and geographical dispersion. This article looks at some of the forces driving this change, reviews basic models of coaching and communication, and makes a case for enhanced coaching competence to reflect the changing environment. Then, three executive coaches with extraordinarily diverse clients are interviewed about their practices, challenges and advice for newcomers to the world of cosmopolitan coaching.

InarecentexecutivedevelopmentprojectinAsia,maleandfemaleparticipants came together from six companies in six countries,spokeat least23languages,practicedallthemajorreligionsandrepresentedthreegenerations.Thefourcoacheswhoworkedwiththemwereborninfourdifferentcountries,livedinyetothercountries,representedtwogenerationsandbothgenders,andspokeadditionallanguages.Theexpandedprojectstaffaddedafewmorecountries,aswellasadditionalaspectsof humandiversity.

While some might argue that this was an exceptionally diversegathering of people, there is a compelling argument that it wasatasteof afutureaspectof executivecoaching.Thereareforcesat work that will ensure this kind of complex diversity in theleadershipof largecorporations,non-profitsandnon-governmentalorganizations (NGOs). The question is whether you as a coachare fully prepared and able to work across the array of humandifferencesthatyouwilllikelyencounterinyourpractice.

IndIcators oF IncrEasInG dIvErsItYGlobal shifts in population and power Threeyearsago,Business Weekheralded“ANewWorldEconomy”inanarticlewhichdescribed“thesimultaneous,sustainedtakeoffof twonationsthattogetheraccountforone-thirdof theplanet’spopulation...Inthecomingdecades,ChinaandIndiawilldisruptworkforces,industries,companiesandmarketsinwaythatwecanbarelybegin to imagine.”The impactof this changewill rippleacross the coaching profession as it brings whole new executivepopulationsintoglobalprominence.

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The shifts in economic power are further indicated by dramaticchanges inthehomecountriesof theFortuneGlobal500[Fortune,2009].Adecadeago,theGlobal500weremostlyheadquarteredintheU.S.,EuropeorJapan.In2008,however,SouthKoreahad15companiesonthelist,Indiahadseven(upfromfourin2004),Chinahad29(upfrom15in2004),Malaysiahadone,RussiaandBrazileachhadfive,andTaiwanhadsix.Eachof thesenewentrantsrepresentshundreds of corporate executives with different backgrounds andworldviewsthantheircounterpartsintheU.S.andEurope.

Anothersourceof change–thepotentialforregionalalliancesandeconomies– is illustratedbythesuccessof theEuropeanUnion(Europa,2009).Inpracticalterms,regionalalliancesmeangreaterminglingof diversepeoples.Already,citizensof theEUhavetheright to move freely across the EU countries. This passport-freemovementnowextendsto15non-EUcountriesandisexpectedtoreachfurther.Otherregionsof theworldenvisionotherkindsof alliances,andforcoaches,anykindof regionalizationmeansawidermixof nationalitiesandethnicitiesintheirpractice.

Growing diversity in the United StatesIn the United States, the State Department reported that 1.3million immigrantsbecamepermanent legal residents in2007(Wikipedia).TheCongressionalBudgetOffice (2007) reportedthat one in seven employees are foreign born. According to theMigrationPolicyInstitute (2008),half of newimmigrantstotheU.S.arefromMexico,thePhilippines,India,ChinaandVietnam.TheCensusBureauof 2007 reported that about a thirdof thecurrentU.S.populationwouldbe considereda “minority” (U.S.CensusBureau,2009).Consideringallthesestatistics,itishardto imagine a coach in the U.S. finding work without crossingsignificantboundariesof humandifference.

In another arena, the Human Rights Campaign Foundation–anorganizationthatmonitorsandevaluatescorporatepoliciesdirected at gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employees –reportsdramaticchangesinitsU.S.-basedCorporateEquityIndex(HumanRightsCampaignFoundation,2009).Whentheindexwaslaunchedin2002,therewereonlythirteencompaniesthatscoreda100%rating;in2008,256companiescoveringaboutninemillionemployeesreceivedthetoprating.

On the generational front, the transition of Millennials (thegeneration born after 1980) into adulthood is pushing hard onsocial and corporate norms created by Boomers (born between1946and1964)andhonedbyGenXers(bornfrom1965to1980).AwhitepaperbyDeloitteConsultingthoughtleaderW.StantonSmith(2008),“DecodingGenerationalDifferences,”exploredthemultigenerational workforce in practical business terms. Smithframed a set of dilemmas facing organizations as they sort outgenerationalissuesagainstabackdropof constantchange,largely

It is hard enough to be an active listener with someone from your own country and culture. When the client comes from another culture and another country, and speaks another language, the challenges will multiply exponentially.

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createdby thedifferentcircumstances inwhicheachgenerationhas developed as professionals. A study by the Monitor Group(Berenguer, Delano, & Stawarky, 2009) looked at the impactMillennialsarealreadyhavingontalentmanagementsystemsandconcluded that Millennials’ unique culture will likely transformtheworkplaceforeveryone.

Ingeneral,multiculturalismmaycreateabetterworkingenvironment for non-majorities than color blindness. A studyat the University of Georgia (Plaut, 2009) found that minorityemployeesinworkplacesthatembraceamulticulturalapproachtodiversity–valuingandcelebratingdifference–weremoreengagedandcommitted than those inanenvironment thatwasessentiallycolorblind.That suggests thatminimizingor ignoringdifferencesisnotconducivetoaproductiveworkplace.Coacheswhohopetohaveapositiveinfluenceonproductivitywillneedabroadanddeepunderstandingof howhumandifferencesplayoutintheworkplace.

For those who want more knowledge and understanding, thereis a rich literature,backedbydecadesof research,on themanydimensionsof humandifferencearoundtheworld.Forthisarticle,itissufficienttosaythatthefaceof diversitywillonlygrowmorecomplexasacontextforcoaching.

coacHInG and coMMunIcatIon ModElsCoaching basicsUnderstanding the future demands on coaches requires anunderstandingof currentpractice.Therearemanywell-conceivedtaxonomiesof coaching,soselectingoneischallenging.However,JohnBennettandMaryWayneBush(2009)recentlyreviewedthefieldanddefinedfourcorporatecoachingtypes:leadershipdevelopment,performance coaching, career coaching and executive coaching.Intheirframing,coachingforleadershipdevelopmentoftentakesplacewithinthecontextof adevelopmentprogram,usingfeedbackand formal training to identify needs and goals. Performancecoachingisremedialandfocusesonaspecificskillorperformancegap.Careercoachingsupportsclientswhoarefacingjobchanges,layoffs,retirementorothermajorcareermoves.Executivecoachingaims to increase theeffectivenessof a seniormanagerand is theonlytypethattheauthorsdefineaslong-termorongoing;theotherslastbetweenoneand18months.Inthisframework,bothleadershipdevelopmentandcareercoachingcantakeplaceindividuallyoringroups;theothertwoformsaregenerallyindividual.

Bennett andBush identifiedfiveorganizational coaching trendsbasedontheirresearch:1)Need/demandforcoachingincreasingandchanging;2)Coachingevolvingasadisciplineandprofession;3)Demand formeasurable impactandquality increasing;4)Numberandinfluenceof professionalorganizationschanging;and5)Coachingbecominga commodity.Theyalsomentionedtherapiddiversificationof theclientbase.

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Asetof coachingcompetencies isarticulatedonthewebsiteof theInternationalCoachFederation(ICF,2008),aglobalnon-profitwhich supports the coaching profession around the world. ICFsuggests four core competencies, each of which has a detailedlist of behaviors. The first is Setting the Foundation, which relatestomeetingethicalguidelinesandprofessional standards,aswellas establishing coaching agreements. Another is Co-Creating the Relationship, focused on establishing trust and intimacy with theclient and maintaining coaching presence. A third competencygroup is Facilitating Learning and Results, which covers creatingawareness, designing actions, planning and goal-setting, andmanagingprogressandaccountability.

The fourth competency cluster, Communicating Effectively, is mostpertinenttothediscussionhereinof thechangingexpectationsforcoachesbecauseof increaseddiversityanddifferenceintheirtargetaudience.This cluster includesActive Listening, Powerful Questioning and Direct Communication, allareasthatareprofoundlyinfluencedbyculturalnormsandassumptions.

Theseskillsandbehaviorstakeonnewmeaninginaworldof highlydiverseclientswithprofilesandbackgroundssubstantivelydifferentfromthecoach.Higherlevelsof proficiencywillberequired.Forinstance,it ishardenoughtobeanactivelistenerwithsomeonefromyourowncountryandculture.Whentheclientcomesfromanothercultureandanothercountry,andspeaksanotherlanguage,thechallengeswillmultiplyexponentially.

Communication basics MichelleLeBaron,alawprofessorandthoughtleaderincross-cultural conflict resolution,hasneatlyarticulated thechallengeof cross-cultural communication: “We make – whether it isclear to us or not – quite different meaning of the world, ourplacesinit,andourrelationshipswithothers”(LeBaron,2003).LeBaronhassummarizedtheextensive literatureinthefieldinfourdimensionsshebelievesmost influencecommunications inmulticulturalsettings:

Time and Space: LeBaron describes a continuum thatstretchesbetweenmonochromic(culturesthatfavorlinearstructureandfocusononeeventorinteractionatatime)andpolychromous(culturesinwhichthefocuscanbeonmanythingshappeningatonceandinvolvepast,presentandfuturesimultaneously).Incommunication,thisdimensionof differencecanbeassimpleaswhetherpeoplespeakoneata timeorallatonce.But itcanalsomeanintricateandnuanceddifferencesabouttherelevanceof historicaleventsandagreements,aswellastheimportanceof currentimplications.

Coaches will be less and less likely to share common demographic characteristics with their clients, and communication challenges will inevitably be greater.

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Fate and Personal Responsibility:Thiscontinuumcapturesthedegreetowhichwefeelourselvesthemastersof ourlives(leading to a focus on action, efficacy and achievement)versus thedegree towhichweseeourselvesas subject tothingsoutsideourcontrol(leadingtorespectforthenaturalorderof thingsandthewaythingshaveunfoldedinthepast).Especially incoachingwork, thisdimensionof differencecanbeasourceof misunderstandingandfrustration.

Face and Face-Saving: All cultures have some concept of face(whichtendstowardissuesof status,power,courtesy,relationships and respect), but those concepts can playoutdifferently.LeBaronsaystheprimarydifferentiatoriswhetherthecultureisoneof individualism,inwhichcasefaceisabouttheindividual,orof collectivism,inwhichcasefaceinvolves‘mygroup.’Widevariationintheexpressionof facewillshapethewayclientstalk(ordon’ttalk)aboutfailures,problemrelationshipsandconflictswithleaders.

Nonverbal Communication: LeBaronbelievesthisisamultiplierincross-culturalrelationshipsbecausepeoplerelyonnon-verbalcueswhentheyareconfusedbywords.Nonverbalcommunication involves systems of gestures, posture,facial expression, silence, spatial relations, emotionalexpression, touch, physical appearance, etc. Culturesattribute different degrees of importance to verbal andnonverbal behavior. A coach who expects to read thenonverbal cues of a client from another culture wouldneedasophisticatedunderstandingof howpeopleinthatcultureusebodylanguageandotherphysicalre-enforcers.A practical example of this is nodding, which canmean agreement or acknowledgement or disagreementdependingonthecultureof thepersondoingit.

Since it is so important for coaches to be insightful questionersand focused listeners, the cultural divide can be particularlychallenging.GudykunstandYoung(1995)describethechallengesof communicatingwitha“stranger”asopposedtosomeonefromyourowngroup.Theydefineastrangerassomeonewhoisdeeplyunfamiliarandunknown–notjustpersonallyunknown,butalsoculturally,linguisticallyorethnicallyunknown.

They suggest that increased uncertainty in interactions withstrangerscreateshigherlevelsof anxietybecauseof awiderarrayof possiblenegativeoutcomes.Forthecoachorclient, thiscouldmean feeling confused, out-of-control, incompetent or exploited–allemotions thatwill shiftattentionanddegrade thecoachinginteraction. Generally these anxieties are reduced by payingconsciousattentiontothecommunicationprocess,andbygatheringmoreinformationonthestranger.Inthecoachinterviewslaterinthearticle,thereareseveralinsightsonthisissue.

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BEYond BEst PractIcEsJohnSullivan,formerchief talentofficerforAgilentTechnologies,differentiates between “average practice,” “best practice,” and“next practice” (Sullivan, 2009). He believes that traditionalbenchmarking–afocusonadoptingbestpractices–amountstolittle more than mimicking the soon-to-be-obsolete practices of others.Sullivanespousesanalternative,proactiveapproach thatsearchesforcluestothenextgenerationof bestpractices–whathecalls“nextpractices.”Thoseclues,hebelieves,arefoundinotherdisciplines,differentpracticeareas,andinthefuturistliterature.

If the current set of competencies described by the ICF areindicative of best practice, what clues are there to the nextgenerationof nextpracticesforcoaches?We’vealreadyseenthatthefuturepopulationforcoachingwillbeprofoundlymorediversethanitistoday,regardlessof whetheryouworkinIndia,France,BrazilortheUnitedStates.Coacheswillbelessandlesslikelytosharecommondemographiccharacteristicswiththeirclients,andcommunicationchallengeswillinevitablybegreater.

Lookingattheseshiftsinpracticalterms,QuelchandBloom(2009)invented new categories for executives and functional expertsoperatinginthenew,globalizedcorporateworld:

Glopats: These are people who are always on the move,tacklingshort-ormedium-termassignments.

Globals:Peopleinthiscategorymovearoundtheworldonmedium-termassignments.

Regionals: These are people who accept short-, medium-and long-term assignments within a geographic regionand/orataregionalheadquarters.

Mobile Local Nationals: These are functional experts andgeneral managers prepared for cross-border task-forcememberships,short-termprojectsandtrainingassignmentsabroad.

Rooted Local Nationals: These are functional experts andgeneralmanagerstiedtotheirhomebase.

For coaches, it may be useful to see whether these categories–orentirelydifferentdimensionscreatedbyavirtualworkplaceor social networking – are encompassed in their practice. Withgreater differences, the coach will need a more sophisticatedcultural repertoire than someone working with a homogenousclient base. In the latter case, coaches need to at least meet the“bestpractice”coachingcompetenciesandhaveabasicabilitytoworkwithdiversity.Fortheformer,however,coacheswillneedtoraisetheirpersonalandprofessionalbar–perhapsembracingwhatIamcallingcosmopolitan coaching.

Communicating across cultures is hard work as the coach and client deal with language, non-verbal cues and different worldviews. Further, the coach will need an incredibly high tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty, as well as for inevitable communication errors and glitches.

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tHE casE For cosMoPolItan coacHInGToddPittinsky,professorattheKennedySchoolof Government,uses thetermallophilia todescribethosewhoembrace–andaredrawn to – people and cultures other than their own (Pittinsky,2009).PittinskycoinedthetermfromGreekrootsmeaning‘loveorlikeof theother’whenhewasunabletofindanantonymforprejudice. According to Pittinsky, tolerance is not the oppositeof prejudice -only themidpointbetweenprejudiceandpositiveintergroup relations. Pittinsky’s research, conducted around theworld,has identifiedkeyelementsof allophilia:ability (believingtheothergroupisintelligentandwise),kinship(feelingconnectedand close to members of the other group), admiration (havinga high opinion of the other group), socializing (interacting withmembersof theothergroup),andtrust(believingthepeopleintheothergrouparedependableandmoral).

Thesedimensionsof allophiliaofferapossiblesetof nextpracticesfor coaching. It will not be enough to have tolerance – or evenunderstanding–of theculturalbeliefsandworldviewof yourclients.Hunter and Yates (2003) would call that parochial cosmopolitanism,as practiced by people who travel widely but remain within theprotectivebubbleof theirownculture.Workingwithpeopleverydifferentfromyoucallsfortruecosmopolitanism.

PaulHopper,writingaboutglobalization(Hopper,2006),suggeststhatitprovidesanopportunitytothinkbeyondspecificenvironmentsandsocieties.Hisargumentisthatwhilenationalidentitieswillnotdisappear,theemergingwebof multipleidentities,allegiancesandcitizenshipswillblurcountry-specificidentities.

Hopper also says that new skills and coping strategies will beneeded to function in the new environment creating a cycle inwhichwelearnaboutdifferentculturesandsocietiesandinturnexpand our knowledge and widen our horizons, allowing us tofurtherexplorethe“other.”

JasonD.Hill (2006), a seminalwriter on cosmopolitanism, talksabout the importance of being able to “forget where we camefrom.”Hilladvisesaspiringcosmopolitanstoletgoof theirculturesof origintomakeroomforotherwaysof seeingandbeingintheworld.Heandothersarguethatcosmopolitanismisthebalanceorantidote to the“tribalism” thatoften liesbehindarmedconflict,hatecrimesandpoliticalturmoil.

David Hollinger (2006) writes that cosmopolitanism is based onrecognition,acceptanceandeagerexplorationof diversity.Heurgespeopletoabsorbasmuchexperienceastheycanwhileretainingtheircapacitytofunction.TimothyEarleandGeorgeCvetkovich(1995)believethatpluralismfavorsthemaintenanceof rigid,tightgroupidentitiesandstrongcommunityties,whilecosmopolitanismfavorswide,overlapping,loosecommunities.Coachescouldbean

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enormoushelptoindividualsseekingtobecomecosmopolitan,butonlyif theythemselveshaveembracedthe“other.”

InsIGHts Into cosMoPolItan coacHInGGiventhesedefinitionsof cosmopolitanism,itwill takeacertainkindof persontopracticecoachinginthisframework.Suspendingculturalassumptionsisdifficultandrequiresawarenessof self anda deep personal confidence. Communicating across cultures ishardworkasthecoachandclientdealwithlanguage,non-verbalcues and different worldviews. Further, the coach will need anincrediblyhightoleranceforambiguityanduncertainty,aswellasforinevitablecommunicationerrorsandglitches.

Rather than create a hypothetical model of the cosmopolitancoach,Iseparatelyinterviewedthreepractitionerswhoappeartopush the boundaries of diversity and human difference in theirwork.Followingisabrief descriptionof eachcoachandexcerptsfrom their interviews, clustered by question. Table 1 shows thedemographicsof theirclients.

Mai is a Vietnam-born Californian who works withexecutives in the U.S. and Asia. Trained as an engineer,MaihasagraduatedegreeinOrganizationDevelopmentandisacertifiedprofessionalcoach.ShehasbeenacoachfortwelveyearsandnowteachesnewcoachesthroughtheCoachesTrainingInstitute.

Timisafamilytherapistwhohasbeencoachingforabout20yearsandnowworksprimarilywithtopmanagersof corporations and non-profits. Born in the U.S., he haslivedandworkedinJamaicaandhasclientsfromaroundtheworld.Hehas20yearsexperienceinthefield.

LengisaformerpastorandHarvardMBAwhopracticeswith an executive clientele. Originally from Singapore,Leng lives in California and travels constantly in Asia,EuropeandtheU.S.toworkwithclients.Hehasbeenafull-timecoachforsevenyears.

table 1. Percent of coaches’ clients who differ from the coach

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Q: What kind of difference between you and the person you’re coaching has been most challenging?

Mai: Alongtimeagoreligionwasthehardestforme.Mybelief is inaperson’spotentialandhowresponsibility isin their hands. I had clients whose belief was that theyshouldbetheunderdog,thesinner,becausehavingtheirownpowerwouldbecompetingwithGod.Overtime,asIhealedinmyself,Ifiguredouthowtoworkwithit.Now,themostchallengingdifference is the levelof emotionalmaturityinaperson’sthinking.It’shardtocoachsomeonewhohasaconstantneedforexternalvalidation.

Tim: Thehardestdifference iswhenpeoplehavea verydifferentexpectationof coachingorof whatkindof helptheyneed.If someoneexpectsmetocomeinastheexpert,andthey’rereallyinvestedinit,that’sdifficult.Intermsof demographicdifferences,I’mprettycomfortablebecauseof myclinicalpractice,whichisverydiverse.Idofindit’sactuallyhardertoworkwithsomeonewho’smorelikemethansomeonewho’sdifferentbecauseI’mmoresusceptibletothempushingmybuttons.

Leng: Age is the most challenging, possibly combinedwiththesamenationality.AnolderChinesemanisverydifferent fromme.Thebiggest stretch is inhierarchicaldifference.Theirmeaningmakingisquitedifferentbecausethey’vegrownupwithanhistoricalandfamilialdifference.Theywerepartof an independencestrugglewhen the economy of Asia was bare knuckles. Theirleadershipstyleiscommandandcontrol.TheimportantthingisthatIknowwhat’shappening.I’mnotinafog;Idoknow,soIcandothingstobridgethatgap.

Q: Tell a story about a time when you were acutely aware of the differences between you and your client.

Mai: Myfirst high-tech clientwas an engineerwhowasverymethodical,whoalwayswantedtogotoworkandgetthingsdone.Everyideafrommewasmetwitha“no,”anditwasveryscaryandhardforme.EventuallywhatIlearnedwasthathewasatrueengineer;everythinghadtobetakenapart, lookedatandunderstood.So Igavehiman ideaandtoldhimtotakeitapart,examineitandreconstructitashesawit.Iworkedthroughhismechanical,engineeringwayof seeingtheworld,andwefinallymadeprogress.

Tim: There was a time when a client’s past experienceledtoaverydifferentwayof lookingatwhat’sriskyandwhat’s important in life. He was a social activist from aLatin American country who made leadership decisions

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whenhewasyoungthatcouldhavebeenfatal.Intermsof coaching him in a Western corporate setting, I wasconstantlyawareof thewayheexperiencedtherisksof his job; performance, whether people liked him, whereit would lead. None of those things were particularlyprovokingorhighriskforhim,sohowcouldIcreatethesenseof urgencyneeded?ItmighthavebeenasecondaryeffectthatcamefrombeingLatinAmerican,butIwasn’tsure about thatbecause I’ve seenotherLatinAmericanleaders who did care about those things. Or it couldjustbeabout something thathappened inchildhood.Inany case, I don’t see coaching as an endeavor in whichI’mbringingexpertknowledgetobear.Iseemyself asafacilitatorwhohelpspeopletapintolocalknowledgetheyhold:personal, community, culture. I facilitate aprocesswherelocalknowledgecanbebroughttobear.It’saboutbeingstrategicallycuriousinordertohelpco-createapathforward.It’snotaboutmedeliveringasolution,butratheraboutengagingsomeoneinaproductiveconversation.

Leng:ItwasthefirsttimeIworkedwithSaudibankexecutivesinasmallgroup.Iwasbowledoverby thechallengeof connecting and there were quite a few behaviors thatperplexedme.Theytalkedacrosseachother;wereplayfuland competitive, and they were physically large. Theirideaof self-disclosurewasasif theyweredoingascriptof themselvespulledofftheshelf –tellingmealltheproperthings.Iwasfeelingbored.Ididdotheconfrontingpiece;triedtogetthemtolookatthemselves;butIdidn’twaitlongenough.Othersbuttedinandspokefortheperson.ThesecondtimeIworkedwiththegroupIjusttookmyauthority,ratherthanbeingcollaborative.ThistimetheydisclosedafterIexplainedtheprocess,askedthemtoraisetheirhandstoagreetoit,andthenpointedoutwhentheywerenotdoingwhattheyagreedtodo.

Q: Have you ever had a coaching failure that you attribute to demographic differences?

Mai:Ihadawomanwhowasabout20yearsolderthanme.Shewaslonely,notinarelationshipandreallywantedtobeinone.Iwasinastablerelationship.Shewasolder,butnotassuccessfulasmeandwantedtolearnfromme.Itturnsoutshealsohaddepressionandwasworkingwithatherapist.It’shardtoknowwhichof allthosethingswasthebarrier,butIhadtoadmitIcouldn’thelpher.

Tim: I think I’vehad somecoaching failures that canbeattributedtodemographicsameness.TheclientsarepeoplewithlifeexperiencessosimilartominethatIcangethookedbytheirissuesandsometimeslackempathy.It’ssoeasytothink“beenthere,donethat”andmovetoaplaceof judging.

I had clients whose belief was that they should be the underdog, the sinner, because having their own power would be competing with God. Over time, as I healed in myself, I figured out how to work with it.

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Leng:TherewasanAfrican-Americanwomanwhoattendeda coaching workshop. She came and learned a lot, wasveryexcitedandthenhiredmeonasacoach.ThefailurewasthatIdidn’tunderstandandhonorenoughtheplacethatambitionplayedinherlife.Shesawmeasathree-timeIvyLeaguegraduateandthatwasveryimportanttoher.Itrepresentedheraspirationsforherfamily.Iwascomingin a more collaborative way to create a learning spaceand it didn’t have the direction she wanted. She was inanachieving,success-orientationmode,withgreathungeranddrivetoachievetheverybestof middle-classAmerica.Ifoundmyself strangelyatalossandwestoppedafterthefirstcontract.

Q: What are the most important qualities for a coach who is working across demographic boundaries?

Mai:Themost importantthingis tonotassumethatweknow.Thereisawaywediagnosepeopleveryquickly.Yes,we’reoftenright,butI thinkweboxclients in toosoon.We can misunderstand. For instance, look at the powerdistributiondifference. If someone isafraidof authority,we can, with Western eyes, misinterpret them as not aleaderinthemaking.Theymayneedhelpovercomingthatinawaythat isdifferent fromWesternpeople–helpingthemfindthepathtoovercomeintheirownway,of theirownmaking.Whentheycomefromanotherculture,theunlocking of that person is different. So slow down thediagnostics.

Tim: They shouldhavea loveof thingsdifferent, a truecuriosity and love for exploring difference. People whoare different probably have finely attuned antennae forpeoplewhodon’trespectthem,soyoucan’tfakeit.Plus,it’simportanttoknowwhatyoudon’tknow.

Leng:Wantingtohelp,havinggoodhumor,curiosity,andanappreciationfordifference.Wemakemeaningsoverydifferently.Ioncecoachedsomebodywhowastransgenderand it tookmeawhile to ask the rightquestions. Iwasembarrassed to ask, afraid of appearing ignorant ornaïve. But you have to find out facts. If you’re workingwithaChineseperson,weretheybornduringoraftertheCulturalRevolution?If theyareSingaporean,whatschooldidtheygoto?If transgender,howaretheydoingwiththehormones?Alwaysdoyourresearchandgetthefacts.

Q: What advice do you have for coaches who are just starting to work with people from other cultures and orientations?

Mai:I’vebeensurprisedthatunderneathall thediversity,there’s a commonality. It’s a huge paradox, because you

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can’tgotothecommonalityfirst.Youhavetobeginwiththediversity.Youhavetolearntheirownstoryandversionof theworld,theirnuancesandbeliefs,butnotgettrappedinitwiththem.

Tim: Make sure you actually live and fully immerseyourself insomeculturethatisentirelydifferentthanyourown.Thatfullimmersionexperiencecannotbereplicated.Exposeyourself toartandliteratureproducedbypeopledifferentfromyourselves,soyouhaveafelt,intuitivesenseof some of the experiences people might have and areservoirof storiesandmetaphorstodrawfrom.

Leng:Payattention to thosemoments inyourownbodywhen you feel “we’re tracking; we’re aligned” and payattentiontothosemomentswhenyou’renottracking.Findotherpeopletotalkwithaboutit;asapastorIknewtotalktootherpriests.Psychologiststalktoeachother,butasacoachstartingoff,Ididn’tdoit.NowIdo.

MyhypothesiswhenIinterviewedthesethreecoacheswasthattheywouldexhibitcharacteristicsof allophiliaandcosmopolitanism.Myreasoningwas that theywereworkingsuccessfullyacross somanyboundariesthattheymusthaveasophisticatedsetof cross-culturalcommunicationskills.Clearly,thehypothesiswascorrectforallthree,despitetheirverydifferentprofessionaltrainingandbackgrounds.

Mai, Tim and Leng relish the challenges and learnings fromworking with people very different from themselves. They areacutely aware of the nuances of difference between themselvesand their clients, and they regularly reflect onandprocess theirexperiences, individually and with others. These coaches workatbeingcosmopolitanandculturallysavvy;theydon’ttakeitforgranted.AsLeng said, theydo the research.An implication forothercoachesistheimportanceof constantlyrefreshingyourskillsandchallengingyourownassumptions.

Asyoureadintheircomments,Mai,TimandLeng’sskillswereearned through mistakes: incorrect assumptions, misread cues,misunderstood contexts and inappropriate responses. Theirwillingnesstostepinto,ratherthanawayfrom,theirmistakesseemstobeakeyelementof theirsuccess.Itwouldbereasonableforacoachtolimittheboundariesof theirpracticeafterexperiencingthesekindsof missteps.Thefactthatthesethreechosetodotheoppositeisasignof allophilia–aloveof differencesostrongthattheyarewillingtoworkveryhardatit.

Aninterestingquestionthatarisesfromtheinterviewsiswhether,afterimmersingyourself incross-culturalrelationships,thehardestpeople to coach become people most like you. Tim eloquentlyexpressedthis,andbothLengandMaihintedatit.Itwouldbeaninterestingtopicforanothertime.

I do find it’s actually harder to work with someone who’s more like me than someone who’s different because I’m more susceptible to them pushing my buttons.

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Finally, the three interviewees were notably comfortable in theirownskins.Noneof themhesitatedtotalkabouttheirshortcomingsandmistakes;allof themwereeagertoreflectontheirexperiences.Theircombinationof confidenceandhumilityseemslikelytobea fundamental prerequisite for being a successful, cosmopolitancoachinaprofoundlydiverseworld.

conclusIonsTherewasatimewhenmostcoachesworkedwithpeoplewhosebackground and experience were much like their own. Thatculturalandsocialresemblancefacilitatedeaseof communicationand certainty about the effectiveness of the dialogue. Now theworld is changing and the pool of coaching clients is growingprofoundlymorediverse.Acoachwillbemuchmorelikelytoworkwith people from different origins and worldviews, and all thatdifferencewillbringwithitcommunicationglitchesandmomentsof deepuncertainty.

Inthefaceof thischangingclientbase,coacheswillwanttoexpandtheiremotionalandintellectualrepertoire.Thecompetencieswhichareexpectedof goodcoachestodaywillcontinuetobeimportant,andtherewillbecallforanew,heightenedawareness–avariationonwhatisknownasthenew cosmopolitanism.Thecosmopolitancoachwillberecognizedbythedepthof theircross-culturalexperience,theirself-awarenessandtheireagernesstocommunicateacrossdifferences.

Cosmopolitancoacheswillpracticewithallophilia:reachingouttopeopleof differentpersuasionsandsearchingforunknowntruths.Theywillbeabletosuspendtheirownculturalandsocialjudgmentssothattheycanbeof helptostrangers,allthewhilemaintainingtheircenterof balance.Thesecoacheswillbeextraordinarilyskilledatholdingandreconcilingmultipleviewsof theworldwithoutlosingtheirownidentity.Theywill,inPittinsky’sterms,believethatpeopledifferentthanthemareintelligentandwise,theywillfeelconnectedandclosetothem,theywilladmirethem,socializewiththemandseethemasdependableandmoral.

Thetransformationfromagood,professionalcoachtoacosmopolitancoachwillbechallenging.Itisnoteasytostandinanother’sshoesandlookattheworldthroughtheireyes.Infact,itisastonishinglyhard,andinevitablyresultsinpersonaldistressanddiscomfort.Inordertobeof help,thecoachwillneedtoundergotheprocessof discoveryandchangethattheyseektofacilitateintheirclients.And,asistrueforsomanyclients,thechangingexternalenvironmentwillprobablymakeit impossibleforcoachestocontinuepracticingastheyhaveinthepast.

The competencies which are expected of good coaches today will continue to be important, and there will be call for a new, heightened awareness – a variation on what is known as the new cosmopolitanism.

IJCO Issue 2 2009 | 10�

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10� | IJCO Issue 2 2009

n aBout tHE autHor

June Delano

JuneDelanoleadsTheDelanoNetwork,aconsultingpracticeandnetworkof diverseexecutiveandorganizationdevelopmentprofessionals. Junewaspreviously a leader of the executivedevelopmentpracticeatMonitorGroupandheadof learninganddevelopmentforEastmanKodak.JuneisBoardChairof theODNetwork,aFellowof theWorldAcademyof ArtandScience,andaDirectorof MeridianInternational.Muchof herrecentworkhasbeenwithverydiverseexecutivepopulationsinAsia.

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Phone: 617-543-9340Email: june.delano@comcast.netWebsite: www.thedelanonetwork.com

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