SUNDAY SEMINARY: Marriage

Oct 2014

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man

and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

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PROGRAM

COURSE OBJECTIVESThis course is designed to introduce you to the foundational truths relating to marriage.

It will help you understand what marriage is and how it can be pursued for the glory of God and the good of the family.

COURSE OUTLINEWEEK 1 (5 Oct) The Essence of Marriage: Covenant Loyalty (Mal 2:13-16; Eph 5:22-33).

WEEK 2 (12 Oct) The Reality of Marriage: A Struggle for Unity (Gen 2:18-3:19)

WEEK 3 (19 Oct) The Partnership of Marriage: One Head and One Helper (1 Pet 3:1-7)

BREAK: PRAYER, BAPSTIM

WEEK 4 (9 Nov) The Maintenance of Marriage: Godly Communication (Eph 4:29-32; Jam 3:1-12)

WEEK 5 (16 Nov) The Beauty of Marriage: Unconditional Love (1 Cor 13:1-7)

WEEK 6 (23 Nov): The Intimacy of Marriage: Sex (1 Cor 7:1-7)

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The Exemplary Husband Scott, Stuart Focus Pub. 2002 The Excellent Wife Peace, Martha Focus Publishing 1995 The Complete Husband Priolo, Lou Calvary Press 1999 The Act of Marriage LaHaye, Tim Christian Art Pub 1993 God, Marriage and family Kostenberger, A Crossway Books 2004 Preparing for Marriage God's Way: Step by step guide for marriage readiness Mack,

Wayne Virgil Hensley Pub 1981

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LESSON ONE

THE ESSENCE OF MARRIAGE: COVENANT LOYALTY

1: SYNOPSISMarriage is a promise, before God, to unconditional, lifelong, sacrificial love. Marriage is for God’s glory and man’s good. It is a picture of Christ’s love for the church and therefore holy to God.

“Love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of love. It is not your love that sustains

marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

(Dietrich Bonhoffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, 27-28)

2: MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT (MAL 2:13-16)

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This term – “faithless” is repeated 5 times in these 8 verses so it is obviously a key term in the text. It means: to break a covenant promise.

Firstly God accuses the people of being faithless to the Mosaic Covenant in vs 10-12 and then the marriage Covenant in vs 13-16

2.2 WHAT IS A COVENANT?A binding agreement between a person or a group of people and God.

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Implication: Marriage is serious, as serious as your decision to follow Christ. Marriage is the only other covenant we make, the only other decision we make that God binds himself to.

2.3 WHAT ARE GOD’S COMMITMENTS AND PENALTIES?

GOD’S COMMITMENT = GOD MAKES THE TWO ONE. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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Application: Don’t try live independent lives. Since God has made the two one, we are to live as one person

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Question: What draws married couples away from each other? How can we prevent this?

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GOD’S PENALTIES = HE WITHDRAWS FROM US WHEN WE ARE FAITHLESS IN MARRIAGE

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Application: We have to pursue God together, we have to help each other grow spiritually and address what is hindering growth. We must approach marriage as an act of worship.

Question: How do couples fail to help each other grow spiritually? How can we do better?

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2.4WHAT ARE THE COUPLE’S COMMITMENTS?A: Faithfulness, loyalty to one another. The marriage relationship is to be the primary relationship in a person’s life – for this reason a couple will leave their family and cleave to the spouse (Gen 2:24).

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Question: In what ways are couples not loyal?

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B: Unconditional love (16). To love the person when they are not worthy of that love

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Question: In what ways do we make our love conditional?

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C: Companionship (14):

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Question: How/ why do we fail at intimacy in marriage?

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D: Godly Offspring (15)

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Question: How are marriages distracted from raising godly offspring?

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2:5 HOW CAN COUPLES GUARD THEMSELVES?

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Most couples mean to keep their marriage vows and yet most will fail.

1 out of 2 marriage end in divorce 1 out of 5 end in divorce within 5 years Of those that do not end in divorce, how many are happy, successful marriages? How many

are successful in God's eyes? Failure rate is very high!

Guard yourselves repeated twice = accept personal responsibility, be on your guard, be watchful, recognize the dangers, the importance of maintaining a healthy marriage.

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WE NEED GOD’S HELP, WE NEED TO PUT GOD BACK AT THE CENTER OF OUR MARRIAGES:

“This is the simple choice which faces the Christian family today. Will we call out to Jesus , and ask Him to take charge of our homes, or will we keep straining away at the oars of man-made schemes, while the waves around us mount higher and higher?” (Christenson, The Christian Family, 203)

3: TO PREPARE FOR THE NEXT LESSON Set a time when you will pray together for at least ½ hour each week. Spend at least 1 hour evaluating your marriage against what you have learned from Mal 2

and identify 2-3 of the most important areas where you need to change. Write down a paragraph summarising how/ what each of you intend to change in the next

month and when you will evaluate your marriage again and identify new areas that require change.

LESSON TWO

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THE GOAL AND REALITY OF MARRIAGE

REVIEWMarriage is a covenant = binding promise before God to loyalty, unconditional love, intimate companionship and raising godly offspring.

Question: A young couple are in love with each other and desire to get married. Is the love that they have for each other before they get married any different from the love they have for each other after they get married? Explain your answer.

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PREPAREWhat adjectives would you use to describe what marriage is like or what you expect marriage will be like?

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1: SYNOPSISMarriage is a gift from God to help us serve Christ and become more like Him. God’s goal for marriage extends beyond the marriage. As such, it is both a joy and a trial, bringing both pleasure and pain. Couples should not expect to “live happily ever after” without the struggles and disagreements which expose our sin and call us to depend on Christ to sanctify us. We can only know and experience the goodness of marriage if we embrace God's agenda and God's design for marriage.

2: THE GOAL OF MARRIAGE (GEN 1:24-28:)What is God's goal for marriage? Does God have a goal/ purpose?

Normally, we think about the purpose of marriage in terms of what it accomplishes for me. When we speak about God's purpose we think in terms of God's purpose for me and so we put ourselves at the centre of our thinking about marriage rather than keep God at the centre

2.1 GOD IS A TRI-UNITY (GEN 1:24-27)

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In this one flesh unity, two distinct individuals becoming one flesh, one new union abd in this way are a reflection of the tri-unity of God.

In fact, in Deut 6:4 where God declares His nature He says, “Hear of Israel, the Lord your God the Lord is One.” That word “one” means one unity and is the same word used to describe husband and wife becoming one flesh. One united entity, two persons united together into one unity. Each person complementing the other, each person fulfilling the other, each person loving the other, each person knowing the other completely.

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We could state this purpose for marriage in terms of our experience and say God designed marriage for companionship. Yet that would not paint the complete picture. God designed marriage to be a relationship of perfect intimacy, perfect unity, perfect co-operation, perfect fulfilment, so that it would reflect the perfect fellowship that has existed for eternity in the tri-unity of God. That is the level of intimacy and love and companionship we should be striving for.

What practical implications does that have for how we approach our marriage?

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2.2 GOD IS CREATOR (GEN 1:28) Immediately after creating the couple, God commissions them, “Be fruitful and multiply

and fill the earth and subdue it.” What had God just been doing? He had just been creating and filling the earth and now

He commands the couple to do the same and to rule over all that He had created as His vice regents.

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In Rev 7 we see a great multitude gathered before the throne of God worshipping the Lamb. This gives us a glimpse into God's ultimate plan for the universe. For this goal to be realized: Only Christ can die for the sins of the world, only the church can proclaim the gospel to the world and only marriage can produce the people of the world --- who will one day inhabit eternity to the glory of God's grace.

Producing and raising godly children is an important aspect of marriage. Not a distraction, from an otherwise happy marriage.

2.3 GOD IS RULER (GEN 1:28) The couple are not only commanded to multiply, but also to have dominion over, rule

over, manage, order, control and direct all of creation as God’s representatives. Together this couple were to reflect God's nature and purpose to rule over creation and

together they would do a better job than on their own.

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Gen 2:18 God says it is not good for Adam to be “alone”. If God's primary intention was to alleviate Adam's sense of personal loneliness then he would have created another Adam to be a companion for him or a number of Adams to be a great company of friends.

Together man and woman make a great team and nowhere is this team work more evident than in the marriage relationship.

Again, you could state this in terms of my personal human experience and say – my spouse helps me do things that I could not and would not do on my own. He or she helps me fulfil my goals and desires in life. But that would fall short of seeing God's vision and purpose that my spouse is to complement me in fulfilling God's plans and purposes for my life.

Application: What are you doing together as a married couple – what are you accomplishing for eternity? What are you accomplishing this year for eternity?

2.4 SUMMARY4 God- centred purposes of marriage:

To reflect God as an intimate, perfect unity To reflect God as creator, sustainer and nurturer To reflect God as ruler who directs His subjects with purpose and wisdom To reflect that God is unconditional, sacrificial love

4 man-centred purposes of marriage:

A companion to be with me A counterpart to parent with me A partner to work with me A lover to care for me

3 THE REALITY OF MARRIAGE (GEN 3:7, 16-19) Sin changes the nature of Adam and Eve’s relationship to God and to each other. Sin introduces struggles, particularly in the distinct roles of men and woman. Marriage

will be a continual struggle for unity – role reversal will be one of the major issues the couple will have to guard against.

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Marriage becomes a catalyst for gospel centred, grace centred living – that two selfish sinners can ever enjoy intimacy – becomes a testimony to God’s grace in Christ.

4: A PERSONAL APPLICATIONConsider your marriage relationship:

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Which of the four purposes are you presently fulfilling the best? Which of the four purposes are you weakest at? Is there a correct balance between the various purposes or is there an over/ under

emphasis of one or more of them? In what ways have you been using your marriage to serve yourself rather than using it

to serve God and His glory? How does a “God-centred” perspective change the way you approach marriage and deal with difficulties?

Consider your four major roles as companion, parent, partner and lover.

In what roles are you the strongest and weakest? Where is your spouse strongest and weakest? How, in daily, practical terms can you improve in these roles or in balancing these roles? How can your spouse improve?

Is the purpose and direction of your life and marriage self-serving or is it directed toward serving Christ and building up His church? Where do changes need to be made?

Consider your unity as a couple:

Are you one intellectually? Mutually stimulated and growing intellectually? Do you understand one another?

Are you one emotionally? Do you enter into the joys and sorrows of your mate? Do you sympathize and support one another?

Are you one socially? Do you spend time together and enjoy doing things together? Do you have mutual friends and common interests?

Are you one in work? Do you work well together? Do you take an interest in, pray for and support your spouse in the area of their labours?

Are you one Spiritually? Are you both growing in your love for and obedience to Christ? Are you ministering to others together? Do you share what you are learning in your devotions with each other and pray together?

Are you one Physically? Do you have a regular satisfying sexual relationship? Is romance and affection a regular part of your relationship?

Are you one in Purpose? Do you have the same goals, desires and direction in life? Do you know where you are heading as a family? Do you have financial, education, spiritual goals that you have discussed and agreed upon? Do you know your part in accomplishing these?

Are you one in Failure? Do you stand beside and support each other when things go wrong or your spouse fails? Do you help your partner carry their load?

LESSON THREE

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THE PARTNERSHIP OF MARRIAGE: HEAD AND HELPER

REVIEW1. Marriage is a covenant = binding promise before God to loyalty, unconditional love,

intimate companionship and raising godly offspring2. Marriage is for the good of the couple and the glory of God. Marriage is a wonderful gift

from God, but it can only be fully enjoyed when the couple embrace God’s design for marriage.

a. Unity within diverse roles reflects God as trinity and we enjoy intimacy and companionship

b. Raising godly offspring reflects God as creator and we enjoy being parentsc. Working together to accomplish God’s purposes reflects God’s sovereign rule

over creation and we enjoy being productive together.d. Loving each other unconditionally reflects the nature of God’s covenant love and

we enjoy being loved and accepted unconditionally.

The marriage is not an end in itself, it is not merely there for our enjoyment and fulfilment, but has a goal and purpose, beyond the marriage, to glorify God. We have to balance these various facets – intimacy, child-raising, productivity, unconditional love; understanding that this will be a struggle due to sin. Sin has made difficult what God originally designed to be natural.

1: SYNOPSIS, “Many otherwise sensible people try to force marriage to function contrary to its nature. A person who would drive a car off a cliff, expecting it to fly, would present a ridiculous, if not tragic, spectacle; flying is altogether contrary to a car's nature. God has assigned a certain role in marriage to each partner. These respective roles are a part of the basic nature of marriage. To ignore them, or devise our own substitutes is to invite a marital crack-up.” (Christenson, Christian marriage, 41)

2: THE LOVING, LEADING HEAD (EPH 5:25-33)

2.1 YOUR POSITION: HEAD (5:23) God has appointed you the head, you are not self-appointed – that is your position This refers to a position of authority over others, so being the head requires that you

lead, that you direct, that you manage, that you oversee As the head you will be held responsible for what you do or don't do with your

authority. You are not the head for your own personal prestige and honour and comfort. Your are

the head under Christ. You are the head in order to serve Christ.

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“God's intention is that a husband should stand between his wife and the world, absorbing many of the physical, emotional and spiritual pressures which would come against her. It is the husband, not the wife, who is primarily responsible for what goes on in the home, the community, and the church. When he deserts this role, or when the wife usurps it, both the home and the community outside the home suffer for it.” (Christenson, The Christian Family, 37)

“It is vitally important that husbands have a biblical understanding of leadership in the home. Some men fail to be godly leaders by omission – by what they do not do... Husbands who fail by omission are usually not very actively involved in family life. They essentially turn everything over to their wives – decision making and problem solving – and are there only to complain when things go wrong. Other men fail to be godly leaders by comission-by what they do. They approach family leadership as a dictatorship and make all the decisions in the home. They are constantly telling and commanding rather than asking, appealing, or encouraging. They refuse to seek out and listen to their wives' counsel and perspective, they are harsh, demanding, demeaning, and inconsiderate. Some go as far as to be abusive whether verbally, sexually, physically, or emotionally. They interpret any kind of disagreement as a lack of submission.” (Wayne Mack, Sweethearts for a Lifetime, 194)

Wayne Mack goes on the suggest the following practical aspects of godly leadership:

1. Oriented toward others: Christ leads His church for the benefit of His children2. Sacrificial and selfless: Christ sacrificed Himself to provide what His children most

needed.3. Goal orientated: Christ said to the Father, “I have glorified You on the earth, having

accomplished the work which You have given Me to do.” (Jn 17:4)4. Lead by Example: Christ picked up the towel and washed His disciple's feet.5. Solve problems: Godly leaders work to solve problems and give clear instructions6. Be motivating and encouraging: Christ often took time to explain to His disciples the

reasons for obedience.7. Be an effective manager: A godly leader delegates responsibility and authority as

needed so that the work is done most effectively.8. Be available to your wives and generous with your time9. Provide your wives with the resources they require for fulfilling their responsiblities.10. Allow your wives to fail and to learn from their mistakes without insulting them or

reminding them of their failures.

Application: How are you doing in each of these departments? Ask your wife and children to give you some constructive feedback.

2.2 YOUR RESPONSIBITLIY: LOVE (5:25) Commanded to love, not commanded to lead. As the head, your main duty is to love

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The model: As Christ loved the church (5:25)

Never have to wonder what it means to love your wife, can look to Christ as the example Whatever Christ has done and continues to do for the church, that is what a husband

ought to do for his bride. The key element here is self-sacrifice.

What makes leading and loving your wife difficult?

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2.3 THE OBSTACLE: SELF (5:25) Gave himself up for her To love your wife as God intended takes self-sacrifice. You are the main enemy. You cannot love yourself and love your wife as Christ loved the church Have to sacrifice your time, your comforts, your interests, your goals and desires Ultimately have to give yourself fully and die to yourself completely.

2.4 THE GOAL: SANCTIFY AND BEAUTIFY (5:26-27)Sanctify – set apart unto himself

He bought her with His blood and cleansed her with His Word in order that she might be His and He might be hers.

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Beautify – set apart unto Christ

A husband is seeking to make his wife everything to him and everything that Christ meant her to be.

2.5 THE MEANS: NOURISHING AND CHERISHING (5:29)Cherish = to tenderly care for, to comfort, to hold in high regard, to keep close to yourself, to protect, to be jealous over

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To cherish someone or something is to place value and worth on them. Your wife should be glowing, radiant, confident, she should float along rather than

drudge because you have so convinced her by your words, and actions and choices that of all the women in the world she is most precious.

Nourish= bring to maturity, to facilitate her growth

To love your wife means that you take responsibility to help her grow into the radiant, beautiful, Christ radiating women that she was created and saved to be.

You get her to church, you help her make godly choices, you feed her with the Word, pray for her, encourage her, rebuke her, correct her,

“The highest duty of the Christian husband is to care for the sanctification of his wife. His model is Christ, who has sacrificed Himself for His Church, in order to sanctify it. He ought not only to lead her in a Christian life and walk, he ought also to do everything in his power to make the full blessing of God accessible to her in the Church. At home, by prayer and word, he must sustain her in spirit, strengthen her feeling for high and heavenly things, and forward her in Christian knowledge... It is neither possible, nor right that anyone else upon earth should have a more decisive influence upon the spiritual health of a wife than does her husband. Whether he thinks it or not, the consequences of his behaviour toward her are immeasurable, for good or for evil.” (Christenson, Chrsitian family 130)

3: THE YIELDING, HONORING HELPER (1 PET 3:1-7)Why do woman struggle to submit to their husbands?

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3.1 THE CONTEXT: UNJUST AUTHORITY

Given the fact that the world is corrupted by authority and their authority is sometimes harsh, unjust and sinful.

2:12 you conduct yourselves honourably and yet are reviled 2:13 honour the emperor who was persecuting them and renowned for abusive,

dictatorial leadership. 2:18 be subject not only to the just, but to the unjust 3:1 – even to the husbands who disobey the word.

Living blamelessly means you must live under God's ordained authorities even though those authorities will sometimes be sinful and unworthy of our respect and may even cause us hardship and pain.... that's the context here

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3.2 THE EXAMPLE: CHRIST’S COMPLETE SUBMISSION (3:1, 2:21) Likewise points us back to previous, likewise, like who? Like Christ. If we ever question whether God can bring good out of my willing submission to sinful

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3.3 THE METHOD: FEAR OF GOD (3:2-6)

A)WATCH YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS (3:1-2) That they might be won without a word when they see your conduct. So submission means that we must control our words and our actions.

“without a word”

In context I think it means without a word of retaliation, or without a word of complaint. Submission is not just keeping quiet. Sometimes keeping quiet, withholding your

opinion, not saying anything can actually be a form of rebellion.

“Submission does not mean that one remains piously silent, 'leaving everything in the husbands hands.' Submission to authority means that you put yourself wholly at the disposal of the person who is set over you. This is the meaning that the Apostle Paul sets before the Christian in his submission to God: “Yield yourself to God... and your members to God as instruments of righteousness.” (Rom 6:13). And this is the submission on which the husband-wife relationship is modelled. If a wife withholds her understanding and feelings on a matter, she is being less than submissive, for she is not putting these at her husband's disposal. When she has made her thoughts fully known, then she may rest the decision with her husband and with God.” (Christenson, The Christian Family, 43)

Submission means that we do not use our words or actions to undermine the authority of our husband but to carry out and promote his purposes. Our words and actions must support and enhance his leadership of the family.

B) DEAL WITH YOU HEART (3-5) Submission goes beyond mere words and actions it’s an attitude of the heart. Our words

betray or reflect what we are thinking and believing in our hearts, so if we don't deal with our attitude toward submission, our hearts – then we will never get our actions and words in line.

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Gentle and Quiet spirit.◦ Gentleness is not weakness – its power under control. ◦ A godly woman leans the ability to take her strengths, her talents, her giftedness, her

convictions, her desires and channel them through the leadership of her husband.◦ Quietness is not silence – it’s a willingness to yield, to be flexible, to surrender

personal preferences and desires. ◦ A submissive wife must be able to keep her emotions and opinions under control

and channel them in constructive ways, being flexible so that she can be easily directed by her husband.

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God never makes honour and obedience dependant on the performance of those we are to honour.

How can a wife honour a dishonourable husband?

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C) HAVE FAITH IN GOD (3:6) do not fear anything that is frightening. Do not fear what is fearful. What is the alternative to fearing what is fearful? Fearing God. Apart from faith it is virtually impossible to submit to your husband or to any other

human authority or even to God himself. By faith we have confidence in the sovereignty of God. That God is ultimately in control of everything and everyone. By faith we have confidence in the goodness of God. That behind every frail and fallen human authority and lies the authority of an all-loving and benevolent God whose will and plan for my life is perfect and good.

“In some cases, it may be true that the wife is more gifted than her husband. She may have a better education, be more talented, or be further along in her spiritual life. A woman like this might be tempted to think that she is far more qualified to be in authority than her husband is. Again, we must look to the example of Jesus. Though He was vastly superior to His parents in every way, He submitted to them. Submission is not based on superiority; it is based on obedience to a command.” (Mack, Sweethearts, 221)

Carol Mack suggest the following misunderstandings relating to submission:

Submission does not mean:

You don't participate in decision making You don't have a personal sphere of responsibility You let your gifts and abilities lie dormant and unused

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You believe your husband is infallable

What is helping?

The husband's role in the family is leader – as leader his main duty is to love his wife. The wife, likewise, is the helper. Scripture doesn't specifically command the wife to help

her husband, she is the helper, that is her role = to come alongside, and complement, complete, assist

How must she help? The husband is the one who must primarily determine the specifics of this

“If a wife sees, for instance, that the family is sliding away from God – neglecting family and private prayers, skipping church, becoming too involved in other outside activities – she must share this insight freely with her husband. To see this is a revelation of the Holy Spirit. It may be that the husband is not truly aware of its implications, for the sins of omission are peculiarly deceptive. It is not breach of submission to say these things to her husband, even urging him to take a hand in setting things right again. Indeed it would be wrong if she were to remain silent. For if she feels that the Holy Spirit has given her understanding in a particular matter, she is obligated to share this with her husband so that he may weigh it in his considerations. The spiritual health and direction of the family is fully as dependent upon the insight and concern of the wife, as upon the authority and protection of the husband.” Christenson, Christian family, 43)

4: A PERSONAL APPLICATION

HUSBAND:What kind of leader are you? Do you tend to fail by omission or commission. Consider the 10 practical aspects to godly leadership suggested by Wayne Mack above. Evaluate yourself on each of them (1=excellent 2=adequate 3=needs improvement 4=poor).

Support your evaluation by listing specific things you have done Ask your wife to evaluate you and to mention ways in which she has seen you loving her

or not loving her in each of these ways.

How are you doing at loving your wife? What are the major obstacles that hinder you from loving your wife more? Ask your wife how you could express your love for her in practical ways.

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WIFE:Consider the following questions together with your husband:

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Discuss various ways in which your are completing and complementing your husband; ways in which you are your husbands helper; ways in which your are doing your husband “good.”

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Discuss other ways that you could or should complete or complement your husband. Does he have needs which you could be fulfilling but are not? How can you help your husband more than you are now?

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Do your respect your husband and let him know that he is important to you? Give specific examples. In what ways do you dishonour him?

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LESSON SIX

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THE INTIMACY OF MARRIAGE: SEX

1: SYNOPSISGod has created sex and He is not ashamed of it. When viewed as God does and practiced as God intends, sex, like everything else God has made, is very good. Married couples can and should engage in sex for the good of the marriage and the glory of God.

“Modern Christians have tended to fall into a second, subtle error: This is the tendency to over-spiritualize sex” Oh, we would never think of the hush-hush, naughty-naughty approach. No, no. We are far too enlightened for that. “Sex is beautiful.” “Sex is wonderful.” “Sex is a perfect blending of two personalities, an expression of love that takes in the whole range of man's being – at once a physical, intellectual, and spiritual encounter.” “Sex is an act of total self-giving.” “The sexual act is profoundly spiritual.” “In the act of sex, a man and a woman express the essential unity which overarches their separateness.” All this may be more-or-less true, if one makes sex an object of intellectual dissection. But where is the husband who embraces his wife with high thoughts of “overcoming the separateness of their being in an act of overarching unity?” This is no man, but the invention of Christian apologists for sex, who imagine themselves commissioned to lift sex from the mundane level which it seems to occupy. Isn't there anybody around to say that sex is fun?... The philosophers of sex seem unable to accept the fact that physical and emotional pleasure is the dominant feature of the sexual relationship. That does not seem dignified enough....It would be hard to find a more mundane treatment of sex than the 7th chapter of 1 Corinthians. “The husband should give to the wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. Do not refuse one another...lest Satan tempt you through your lack of self-control.” And this is the only chapter in the New Testament which offers specific advice on the sexual relationship in marriage!” Christenson, Christian Family 23)

2:1 SEX IS AN EXPRESSION OF RELATIONAL UNITY (GEN 2:24-25)

When God explained in the beginning His pattern and design for marriage it considted in an intimate, personal, one flesh relationship which is reflected clearly in the sexual union between husband and wife.

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Sex is an act, but one which occurs in the context of a relationship. In the context of an intimate, one flesh relationship, sex is a wonderful expression of that intimacy. In the absence of this relationship sex cannot be enjoyed as God intended.

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2.2 SEX IS AN EXPRESSION OF LOYAL LOVE (PROV 5:15-18)In Proverbs 5, the writer has just highlighted the folly of adultery, he now looks at the alternative – delighting in your wife. Sex is an activity which is to be exclusively enjoyed within the confines of marriage. It is therefore underpinned by loyal, exclusive love. Anything which erodes the loyalty and exclusivity of this love, erodes the enjoyment of sex in marriage.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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2.3 SEX IS THE PRODUCT OF ACTIVE PURSUIT (PROV 5:18-20)This Scripture commands the husband (and by implication the wife) to “Be blessed,” “rejoice,” “be satisfied,” “delight in”. Husband and wife are to actively pursue and delight in their spouse. This is the essence of romance – communicating your delight in the other person. Married couples are to enjoy a sexual relationship and to delight in one another in ways that culminate in sexual intimacy.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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2.4 SEX IS A DELIGHTFUL OBLIGATION (1COR 7:1-5)The essence of love is considering the good of the other person more than yourself and this is to be the essential attitude with which married couples approach sexual relations. God has given them for the enjoyment of their spouse – a delightful obligation in a healthy marriage

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3: SUMMARY

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1. Marriage is a covenant = binding promise before God to loyalty, unconditional love, intimate companionship and raising godly offspring

2. Marriage is for the good of the couple and the glory of God. Marriage is a wonderful gift from God, but it can only be fully enjoyed when the couple embrace God’s design for marriage.

a. Unity within diverse roles reflects God as trinity and we enjoy intimacy and companionship

b. Raising godly offspring reflects God as creator and we enjoy being parentsc. Working together to accomplish God’s purposes reflects God’s sovereign rule

over creation and we enjoy being productive together.d. Loving each other unconditionally reflects the nature of God’s covenant love and

we enjoy being loved and accepted unconditionally.3. God has designed distinct roles within marriage which must be upheld. The husband is

to be the loving head and the wife the submissive helper. The husband is to provide spiritual and practical direction for the marriage and the wife is to arrange her life and skills under this direction.

4. A Healthy marriage requires healthy communication. A couple must grow in their knowledge and understanding of one another and be able to resolve differences in a manner that builds the marriage up and reflects the character of God.

5. Marriage is built upon unconditional love which is a decision to actively and sacrificially give yourself for the benefit of your marriage partner even when and especially when they do not deserve it.

6. The union of marriage is expressed in the physical union of sex. This is not merely an act, but the natural product of an intimate relationship between husband and wife and should be the hallmark of a healthy marriage.

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