Children and Domestic Children and Domestic ViolenceViolence

The Long Lasting Impact of a The Long Lasting Impact of a Batterer’s Pattern of Coercive Batterer’s Pattern of Coercive

Control Control

Goals of this Presentation:Goals of this Presentation:

1.1. Improve assessment for presence of Improve assessment for presence of patterns of coercive control and patterns of coercive control and impact on children.impact on children.

• Develop strategies to engage Develop strategies to engage batterer and support non-offending batterer and support non-offending parent’s safety planning. (traditional parent’s safety planning. (traditional vs. non-traditional safety planning)vs. non-traditional safety planning)

• Learn ways to identify family Learn ways to identify family strengths and promote resiliency.strengths and promote resiliency.

As a provider, how many families have As a provider, how many families have you worked with that have been you worked with that have been affected by DV?affected by DV?– Can you describe the patterns that you Can you describe the patterns that you

noticed in the family?noticed in the family?– How many of you have had direct contact How many of you have had direct contact

with the batterer? with the batterer? Can you describe that experience? Can you describe that experience?

What is What is Domestic Violence ?Domestic Violence ?

Defining Domestic ViolenceDefining Domestic Violence

A A patternpattern of coercive control of coercive control perpetrated by one person against perpetrated by one person against another in an intimate relationship.another in an intimate relationship.

ObviousPhysical assault

Threats to bodily harmKidnapping

StalkingSexual assault

SubtleName callingThreatening to use the court and DCF to take away children*Outing someone to their relatives Telling liesThrowing out birth control pillsControlling financesCheating Keeping weapons in the houseHiding passportsControlling access to phone and carRestricted mobility

Children See, Children DoChildren See, Children Do

What are the implications of the What are the implications of the batterer’s pattern of coercive batterer’s pattern of coercive

control on children for control on children for treatment?treatment? Children living with DV are at risk for increased Children living with DV are at risk for increased

or emotional and behavioral problems.or emotional and behavioral problems.

Children may be identified with “Serious Children may be identified with “Serious Emotional Disorders” and placed in special Emotional Disorders” and placed in special education classrooms.education classrooms.

Early identification of difficulties can lead to Early identification of difficulties can lead to earlier and more effective support and earlier and more effective support and intervention for children and their families.intervention for children and their families.

Children Exposed to Coercive Children Exposed to Coercive Control/Violence:Control/Violence:

Watching, hearing or later learning Watching, hearing or later learning about a parent being abused (by a about a parent being abused (by a partner) partner) threatensthreatens children’s sense children’s sense of stability and securityof stability and security typically typically provided by their family.provided by their family.

Children learn that violence in the Children learn that violence in the home is how to deal with conflict.home is how to deal with conflict.

Impacts gender roles: Impacts gender roles: Being a man means you can use violence against a Being a man means you can use violence against a woman.woman.Being a woman means being a victim.Being a woman means being a victim.

ThemesThemesThere’s no

safe place

Ambivalent feelings

toward the abusive

parent and non-

offending parent

Adults cannot protect

themselves or their

children

Takes on the

responsibility of

protecting the victim Chronic fear

leads to aggression

Risks Posed to Children By Risks Posed to Children By Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern of Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern of

Coercive ControlCoercive Control1.1. Exposure to threats and/or acts of violence.Exposure to threats and/or acts of violence.

2.2. Undermining mother-child relationships.Undermining mother-child relationships. Talking negatively to the children about the Talking negatively to the children about the

abused parent’s behavior.abused parent’s behavior.

3.3. Physical and/or sexual abuse by batterer.Physical and/or sexual abuse by batterer.

4.4. Batterer as a role model.Batterer as a role model.

5.5. Rigid or authoritarian parenting.Rigid or authoritarian parenting.

6.6. Neglectful or irresponsible parenting.Neglectful or irresponsible parenting. Not being willing to have children involved in treatment; Not being willing to have children involved in treatment;

interfering with treatment.interfering with treatment.

7.7. Psychological abuse and manipulation.Psychological abuse and manipulation. Children’s bad behavior being used as the reason for the Children’s bad behavior being used as the reason for the

assault of the non-offending parent.assault of the non-offending parent.

8.8. Using children as a weapon.Using children as a weapon. Holding the children hostage in an effort to punish the Holding the children hostage in an effort to punish the

victim.victim.

9.9. Exposure to violence in their Father’s new Exposure to violence in their Father’s new relationships.relationships.

Risks Posed to Children By Risks Posed to Children By Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern Exposure to Batterers’ Pattern

of Coercive Controlof Coercive Control

Impact of Batterer’s Pattern Impact of Batterer’s Pattern of Coercive Control at of Coercive Control at

Different Developmental Different Developmental StagesStages

Infants and ToddlersInfants and Toddlers

DevelopmentDevelopment ImpactImpact Implications for Implications for TreatmentTreatment

Take in Take in information from information from world around world around them.them.Form secure Form secure attachments.attachments.Active explorers Active explorers of their world and of their world and learn through play.learn through play.Learn about social Learn about social interaction and interaction and relationships.relationships.

Loud noises and Loud noises and vivid images can be vivid images can be distressing.distressing.Inconsistency Inconsistency responding to infants responding to infants needs, effecting the needs, effecting the parent-child bond.parent-child bond.Fear and instability Fear and instability may inhibit may inhibit exploration and play.exploration and play.Learn about Learn about aggression by aggression by observing others.observing others.

Prevention Prevention programsprograms::Parent Aid ProgramsParent Aid ProgramsBirth to ThreeBirth to ThreeHead StartHead StartParenting ClassesParenting ClassesFatherhood Fatherhood initiativesinitiativesChild Development Child Development education.education.Treatment plans that Treatment plans that involve both parents involve both parents with equal with equal involvement in involvement in responsible parenting.responsible parenting.

School Age School Age ChildrenChildren

DevelopmentDevelopment ImpactImpact Implications Implications for for

TreatmentTreatmentIncreased emotional Increased emotional awareness of self awareness of self and others.and others.Complexity in Complexity in thinking about right thinking about right and wrong.and wrong.Academic and Academic and social success has social success has an impact on self-an impact on self-concept.concept.Increase in same Increase in same sex identification.sex identification.

Awareness of own Awareness of own reactions to violence reactions to violence at home and impact at home and impact on others.on others.Susceptible to Susceptible to adopting adopting rationalizations rationalizations heard to justify heard to justify violence.violence.Inhibits ability to Inhibits ability to learn.learn.

Intervention Intervention programsprograms::Family therapyFamily therapyMentoring programsMentoring programsBehavioral Mod Behavioral Mod Techniques Techniques Peer socialization Peer socialization Play therapyPlay therapyTreatment plans that Treatment plans that involve both parents involve both parents with equal involvement with equal involvement in responsible in responsible parenting.parenting.

Adolescence Adolescence DevelopmenDevelopmen

ttImpactImpact Implications Implications

for for TreatmentTreatment

Increased Increased autonomyautonomyPuberty (physical Puberty (physical changes)changes)Increased capacity Increased capacity for abstract for abstract reasoning and reasoning and broader world viewbroader world viewIncreased peer Increased peer group influence and group influence and desire to be desire to be accepted.accepted.Relationship skillsRelationship skills

Becoming Becoming parentified.parentified. physical intervene physical intervene to stop the violenceto stop the violenceEmbarrassed by the Embarrassed by the family resulting in family resulting in shame, secrecy, and shame, secrecy, and insecurity.insecurity.Unable to establish Unable to establish peer groups.peer groups.Poor boundaries.Poor boundaries.Inappropriate Inappropriate decision-making decision-making (emotionally based)(emotionally based)

Intervention Intervention programsprograms::Mentoring Mentoring programsprogramsBehavioral Mod. Behavioral Mod. Techniques Techniques DBTDBTSkills groups (multi Skills groups (multi family) family) Assertive Assertive communication skills communication skills Each individual in Each individual in their own treatmenttheir own treatment

Coping StrategiesCoping Strategies

Maladaptive:Maladaptive:– DissociationDissociation– Affect DysregulationAffect Dysregulation– IsolationIsolation– WithdrawalWithdrawal– DisorganizationDisorganization– Lack of concentrationLack of concentration– Substance UseSubstance Use– Violent BehaviorViolent Behavior– BullyingBullying– OverachievementOverachievement– Excessive Caretaking of Excessive Caretaking of

OthersOthers– ExploitationExploitation– sexually inappropriate sexually inappropriate

behaviorbehavior– self-destructive behavior self-destructive behavior

Adaptive:Adaptive:– Reworking of trauma Reworking of trauma

through playthrough play– Meaningful connections Meaningful connections

with others that offer with others that offer corrective experiencescorrective experiences

– Being able to feel Being able to feel emotions and still be OKemotions and still be OK

– Journaling feelings and Journaling feelings and thoughtsthoughts

– Sublimation of emotions Sublimation of emotions through activities (sports, through activities (sports, extracurricular activities)extracurricular activities)

– Assertive communicationAssertive communication– Use of a sense of humorUse of a sense of humor– Goal directed behaviorGoal directed behavior– Use of peer and Use of peer and

community supportscommunity supports

*Impact of Trauma on *Impact of Trauma on Caregiver-Child RelationshipCaregiver-Child Relationship

• When the caregiver has also experienced interpersonal trauma:• The caregiver’s ability to establish and maintain an

empathic relationship with the child may be impaired• The caregiver may have a decreased capacity to

recognize danger or stress• The child may take the role of caregiver

Either partner may develop new negative attributions based on trauma experience– Changes to internal working models– Traumatic expectations

Caregiver and child may serve as traumatic reminders for one another

*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.Child Witness to Violence Project

Impact of Domestic Violence Impact of Domestic Violence on the Father-Child on the Father-Child

RelationshipRelationship Fathers who are abusive have difficulty taking the

perspective of the child. They minimize the impact of violence on their children

Children are confused and ambivalent about their feelings toward their fathers

Some children express anger and relief that their father is out of the house

Some children express sadness/longing that their father is gone

Some children ally themselves with their father and see him as a victim, especially if they have seen him arrested

*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.Child Witness to Violence Project

Safety Planning Strategies and Safety Planning Strategies and How the Batterer can InterfereHow the Batterer can Interfere

TRO or POTRO or PO Cell PhonesCell Phones Identify safe hiding places (DV or homeless shelter)Identify safe hiding places (DV or homeless shelter) Call 911Call 911 Remove child from abusive environment; Bring child to Remove child from abusive environment; Bring child to

alternate, safe, location (ie: friend, relative, different room alternate, safe, location (ie: friend, relative, different room within home)within home)

Notify school officials, teachers, etc. of batterer’s potential Notify school officials, teachers, etc. of batterer’s potential violence; safety plan; emergency contact, heighten violence; safety plan; emergency contact, heighten awareness to and possible change in child’s behaviorawareness to and possible change in child’s behavior

Sleep in same room with childrenSleep in same room with children Talk to children about how to respond to violence, ie: stay Talk to children about how to respond to violence, ie: stay

away from abusive/violent environment; respond to code away from abusive/violent environment; respond to code word; go to identified neighbor’s house, hiding place etc.word; go to identified neighbor’s house, hiding place etc.

Move out of home with/without childrenMove out of home with/without children

Safety Planning Strategies and Safety Planning Strategies and How the Batterer can InterfereHow the Batterer can Interfere

Sleep in car/street (extreme example of children in ”trunk” Sleep in car/street (extreme example of children in ”trunk” incident)incident)

Identify person to assist with visitation to reduce potential Identify person to assist with visitation to reduce potential for violence during transfer of childrenfor violence during transfer of children

Keep children out of school/change schoolsKeep children out of school/change schools Make sure they attend schoolMake sure they attend school Normalize as much as possible by providing a safe structureNormalize as much as possible by providing a safe structure Meeting basic needs (feeding, bathing, spending quality Meeting basic needs (feeding, bathing, spending quality

time)time) Keeping up to date medicallyKeeping up to date medically Maintaining a routine to avoid exposure to possible violenceMaintaining a routine to avoid exposure to possible violence Engaging children with outside activities and relationships Engaging children with outside activities and relationships

(formal and informal) (formal and informal) Attending school functions such as parent-teacher Attending school functions such as parent-teacher

conferences, fairs, etc.conferences, fairs, etc.

Goals of Child AssessmentGoals of Child Assessment

To To beginbegin to hear the child’s story to hear the child’s story To To beginbegin to understand what meaning the to understand what meaning the

child attributes to the event(s), what was the child attributes to the event(s), what was the worst part of the experience, and what fears worst part of the experience, and what fears the child may havethe child may have

To understand how the child has been To understand how the child has been impacted by the violence and how the child is impacted by the violence and how the child is copingcoping

To identify protective factors in the child To identify protective factors in the child including learning strengths, relationship skills, including learning strengths, relationship skills, coping abilities, and self regulatory capacity. coping abilities, and self regulatory capacity.

To observe style and qualities of attachment To observe style and qualities of attachment relationship between parent and childrelationship between parent and child*Maxine Weinreb, Ed.D.

Child Witness to Violence Project

When a child discloses…When a child discloses…

Allow child to tell his or her storyAllow child to tell his or her story Reassure the child by validating his or her Reassure the child by validating his or her

feelingsfeelings Do not criticize or speak negatively about Do not criticize or speak negatively about

the abusive parentthe abusive parent Do not make commitments you cannot keepDo not make commitments you cannot keep Follow the child’s lead Follow the child’s lead Reassure that nothing that Reassure that nothing that

happened was their fault happened was their fault

“Kids need you. Take the time to get to know us -- even when we’re Kids need you. Take the time to get to know us -- even when we’re

difficult to befriend. Don’t just think we’re bad kids even though we may difficult to befriend. Don’t just think we’re bad kids even though we may be acting bad. We can heal. But we may keep making wrong choices as be acting bad. We can heal. But we may keep making wrong choices as

we deal with the abuse. If you take the time to help us, we’ll know we deal with the abuse. If you take the time to help us, we’ll know someone cares and we’ll get back on track,someone cares and we’ll get back on track,” (Anonymous, 2004).(Anonymous, 2004).

Contact Information Contact Information

Gail Manna, DV Consultant (DCF Gail Manna, DV Consultant (DCF Waterbury)Waterbury)

gail.manna@ct.govgail.manna@ct.gov

Carolina Grijalba-Rodriguez, DV Carolina Grijalba-Rodriguez, DV Consultant (DCF Danbury & Consultant (DCF Danbury & Torrington)Torrington)

carolina.grijalba-rodriguez@ct.govcarolina.grijalba-rodriguez@ct.gov