Children and Divorce

Objectives

Telling Your ChildrenReassuringSelf Blame and FaultBasic NeedsHow to live apart with childrenHelping Children CommunicateCustody and VisitationLife After Divorce

Telling Your Children

Always tell age appropriate truthChildren need to know whyTell them how it will impact their lifeParents should tell them togetherKeep it simple

Reassuring

Reassure them that you will try to make things as normal for them as possible, but it will be different

Give children opportunity to voice their opinion

Limit reassurances to what you can control

Make sure you let children know you still love them and that has not changed

Self blame and fault

Simply telling kids “it was not your fault” will not convince them – they need to talk about it

They need to talk about how they feel

They may have fantasy of their parents getting back together, make sure you address this honestly

IDEAL WORLDIDEAL WORLD NON-IDEAL WORLDNON-IDEAL WORLD

Both parents stay involved

Fighting endsIssues focus on

needs of children

Do the best you canAcknowledge

difficultyGet supportExplain it to your

children without putting down the other parent

Basic Needs of the Child

How to live apart with children

My house my rules – your house your rulesAgree on major parenting issuesDo not micromanage or interfereLearn to let goAllow children to establish

and manage their relationship with each parent separately

Helping Children Communicate

Listen, listen, listenYou are not the talkerIt is ok to be awkwardLet them struggle and work through it - the

process is more importantLet them be honest and express their angerDon’t stop an urge to cry, let them cry – just

be there for them

Custody and Visitation

What is in the children’s best interestKeeping siblings togetherWhat will be the most regular scheduleWhat can you live withEqual does not have to be equitableBe creativeThink to the future

Life After Divorce

Accept that life will changeIf you are happy your children will be happyYou must work on your happiness

Dating Health Finances Career Personal growth/volunteerism Friends and family