Chapter10

Looking Out/Looking InLooking Out/Looking InThirteenth EditionThirteenth Edition

1010IMPROVING IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATESCOMMUNICATION CLIMATES

CHAPTER TOPICSCHAPTER TOPICS

• Communication Climate: The Key to Positive Relationships

• Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies• Saving Face

22IMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATESIMPROVING COMMUNICATION CLIMATES

Communication ClimateCommunication Climate

• Communication Climate• Refers to the emotional tone of a relationship

• Levels of Message Confirmation• Confirming Communication

• Describes messages that convey valuing

• Disconfirming Communication• Describes messages that show a lack of regard



• Disconfirming Messages• Impervious Responses

• Doesn’t acknowledge the other person’s message

• Interrupting• Beginning to speak before the other person has

finished

• Irrelevant Responses• A comment unrelated to what the other person has

just said



• Disconfirming Messages• Tangential Responses

• The speaker uses the other’s remarks as a starting point to shift the conversation

• Impersonal Responses• Loaded with clichés and other statements that

never truly respond to the speaker

• Ambiguous Responses• Contain messages with more than one meaning,

leaving the other party unsure


Communication ClimateCommunication Climate• Disconfirming Messages

• Incongruous Responses• Contains two messages that seem to deny or

contradict each other.• “Darling, I love you.”• “I love you, too.” (Said in a monotone while watching TV)

• Disagreeing Messages• Aggressiveness• Complaining• Argumentativeness



• Confirming Messages• Recognition

• Recognize the other person

• Acknowledgement• Includes asking questions, paraphrasing and

reflecting

• Endorsement• The most obvious form of endorsement is agreeing



• How Communication Climates Develop• When two people start to communicate, a

relational climate begins to develop• Verbal and nonverbal communication can be

climate-shaping• After a climate is formed, it can take on a life

of its own and become a self-perpetuating spiral



• Spirals• A reciprocating communication pattern in

which each person’s message reinforces the others



• Spirals• Escalatory conflict spirals

• A: (Mildly irritated) “Where were you? I thought we agreed to meet here a half-hour ago.”

• B: (Defensively) “I’m sorry. I got hung up at the library. I don’t have as much free time as you do.”

• A: “I wasn’t blaming you, so don’t get so touchy.” • B: “Who’s getting touchy? I just made a simple

comment.”



• Spirals• De-escalatory conflict spirals

• Rather than fighting, parties slowly lessen their dependence on each other, withdraw and become less invested in the relationship

• Rarely go on indefinitely• Most relationships pass through cycles of

progression and regression


Defensiveness: Causes and Defensiveness: Causes and RemediesRemedies

• Face-Threatening Acts• Messages that seem to challenge the image

we want to project• Defensiveness becomes the process of

protecting our presenting self, our face

• Preventing Defensiveness in Others• Jack Gibb isolated six types of defense-

arousing communication and six contrasting behaviors



• The Gibb Categories of Defensive and Supportive Behaviors

Defensive Behaviors Supportive Behaviors

1. Evaluation 1. Description

2. Control 2. Problem Orientation

3. Strategy 3. Spontaneity

4. Neutrality 4. Empathy

5. Superiority 5. Equality

6. Certainty 6. Provisionalism

Table 10.3 Page 350



• Gibb Categories• Evaluation versus Description

• Evaluation: “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

• Description: “I don’t understand how you came up with that idea.”

• Evaluation: “This place is a mess!”• Description: “When you don’t clean up, I have to

either do it, or live with your mess. That’s why I’m mad!”



• Gibb Categories• Control versus Problem Orientation

• Controlling: “You need to stay off the phone for the next two hours.”

• Problem orientation: “I’m expecting some important calls. Can we work out a way to keep the line open?”

• Controlling: “There’s only one way to handle this problem.”

• Problem orientation: “Lets work out a solution we can both live with.”



• Gibb Categories• Strategy versus Spontaneity

• Strategy: What are you doing Friday after work?”• Spontaneity: “I have a piano I need to move

Friday after work. Can you give me a hand?”• Strategy: “Tom and Judy go out to dinner every

week.”• Spontaneity: “I’d like to go out to dinner more

often.”



• Gibb Categories• Neutrality versus Empathy

• Neutral: “That’s what happens when you don’t plan properly.”

• Empathic: “Ouch – looks like this didn’t turn out the way you expected.”

• Neutral: “Sometimes things just don’t work out. That’s the way it goes.”

• Empathic: “I know you put a lot of time and effort into this project.”



• Gibb Categories• Superiority versus Equality

• Superior: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

• Equal: “I see it a different way.”• Superior: “No, that’s not the right way to do it!”• Equal: “If you want, I can show you a way that has

worked for me.”



• Gibb Categories• Certainty versus Provisionalism

• Certain: “That will never work!”• Provisional: “I think you’ll run into problems with

that approach.”• Certain: “You don’t know what you’re talking

about!”• Provisional: “I’ve never heard anything like that

before. Where did you hear it?”


Saving FaceSaving Face

• The Assertive Message Format• The five parts of the assertive message

• Behavior• Interpretation• Feeling• Consequence• Intention



• The Assertive Message Format• Behavior

• Describes the raw material to which you react• Example:

• “One week ago John promised me that he would ask my permission before smoking in the same room with me. Just a moment ago he lit up a cigarette without asking for my OK.”

• The statement only describe facts• There is no observer meaning attached



• The Assertive Message Format• Interpretation

• Describes the meaning you’ve attached to the other person’s behavior

• Example (two interpretations):• “John must have forgotten about our agreement that he

wouldn’t smoke without asking me first. I’m sure he’s too considerate to go back on his word.”

• “John is a rude, inconsiderate person. After promising not to smoke around me without asking, he’s just deliberately done so. This shows that he only cares about himself.”



• The Assertive Message Format• Feeling

• Consider the difference between saying:• “When you laugh at me (behavior), I think you find my

comments foolish (interpretation), and I feel embarrassed.”

• “When you laugh at me, I think you find my comments foolish, and I feel angry.”

• Some statements seem as if they’re expressing feeling but are actually expressing interpretations or statements of intention



• The Assertive Message Format• Consequence

• What happens as a result of the situation• What happens to you, the speaker:• “When I didn’t get the phone message yesterday

(behavior), I didn’t know that my doctor’s appointment was delayed and that I would end up sitting in the office for an hour when I could have been studying or working (consequences). It seems to me that you don’t care enough about how busy I am to even write a simple note (interpretation), and that’s why I’m so mad (feeling).”



• The Assertive Message Format• Intention

• Can communicate three kinds of messages• Where you stand on an issue

• “I want you to know that it bothers me.”• Requests of others

• “I’d like to know if you are angry.”• Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future

• “I want you to know that unless we clear this up now, you shouldn’t expect me ever to lend you anything again.”



• Using the Assertive Message Format• The elements may be delivered in mixed

order• Word the message to suit your personal style• When appropriate, combine two elements in a

single phrase• Take your time delivering the message



• Responding Nondefensively to Criticism• Seek more information

• Ask for specifics• Guess about specifics• Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas• Ask what the critic wants• Ask about the consequences of your behavior• Ask what else is wrong



• Responding Nondefensively to Criticism• Agree with the critic

• Agree with the facts• “You’re right, I am angry.”• “I suppose I was being defensive.”• “Now that you mention it, I did get pretty sarcastic.”

• Agree with the critic's perception• “It’s silly to be angry.”• “You have no reason for being defensive.”• “You were wrong to be so sarcastic.”


Chapter ReviewChapter Review

• Communication Climate: The Key to Positive Relationships

• Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies

• Saving Face

Chapter10

Technology

Transcript of Chapter10