Chapter 5

The “Power” – “Resource”

Matrix

p. 147

Powerless Facing the World PWS tend to view themselves as

incapable of speaking fluently in the world.

Most, but not all, have fluency when by themselves, with a pet, or someone they are comfortable with.

But in the world, they lose their “power.” p. 148

The Power Matrix – The sense of power or

resourcefulness makes all the difference in the world between living with a weak response style or a strong one.

It’s the difference between learned helplessness and learned optimism.

A healthy Power Matrix enables us to affect change in our lives.p. 148

“Am I a ‘Can Do’ Person?” What can I do? What skills and resources can I develop? What abilities, aptitudes and capacities

do I have to handle this situation? How can I best develop my potentials? How can I best cope with the world as it

is presented to me? Can I master myself, run my own brain,

control my own states and plan my future?

p. 148

Intentional/Outcome Frames Can I handle this speech challenge? Can I manage my own mind and

emotions around blocking and stuttering? Can I take effective action in the world

and be successful with this challenge? What can I do to fix this? How can I control everything? Can I find anyone to assist me in learning

how to regain fluency?

p. 149

Attempt to Exercise Power – I am going to try to control this? I am going to try to control every

word that comes out of my mouth. I am going to control my behavior

rather than my behavior controlling me.

I need to change. I must not get back into that old

unresourceful and powerless state.p. 181

Fearing Speaking – How much of your blocking and

stuttering is about fearing speaking and not so much about how you talk?

The answer will vary among PWS. Go back to when you first started

blocking and stuttering. Did you unconsciously think, “I don’t

want to express myself for I may be wrong or I may be rejected if I do.”

p. 149

Fearing Speaking Cont. – I believe that early on many block out

of fearing what speaking may mean to other people in their lives.

Later the stuttering became more pronounced as the person worked so hard to break through the block.

With continued hurts and pain around stuttering, all these emotions gestalted and then became associated into the muscles that create the block.

This leads to a sense of powerlessness. p. 149

Table 5:1 The Meaning Table Loss of control Frustration Lack of protection I can’t be enough. I am terrified of

___. I should be doing

better. I have to do better.

I cannot be resourceful.

I have to do something.

I have to get it done.

I have given my power away.

Etc.

p. 150

Modeling Optimism - Seligman

Learned Helplessness Personal Pervasive Permanent

Learned Optimism Not Personal Not Pervasive Not

PermanentPages 152 - 153

Being in “Control” What have we mapped in terms of our abilities,

skills, potentials, capabilities, etc.? Does it give us a sense of ability, power and

control? Do you have a sense of control in life, power over

your own life, your own mind, body and emotions? Do you feel like the driver of your own bus or a

passenger in the back going for a ride? How have you mapped your sense of “control?” Did you grow up in an environment that was safe,

secure, and that gradually allowed you to take more and more control over your life?

Pages 153-154

Exercise1. How do you perceive your ability to speak

fluently in all situations?2. Do the pictures, feelings, sounds and the way

you talk to yourself about blocking/ stuttering give you a sense of power and control over blocking/ stuttering or do they undermine it?

3. Do you have a sense of control over your life, your own emotions?

4. Do you feel like your are driving your own “speech bus” or do you feel like you are riding in the back seat with someone else at the wheel?

5. What type of environment did you grow up in?

p. 154

Figure 5:1 Scale of Emotions

Map

Territory

Positive

Negative

TheExperience

of the

In Control

Helpless

Page 156

Activating Power Matrix Anything that challenges us activates it. Create meaning frames which will

validate the idea of being empowered. Recognize our fallibility – stop focusing

on what you can’t do. Focus on what we care about. Let go of past childhood limiting beliefs.

Page 157

Patterns for Re-Claiming Your Power

The Stress Fight/ Flight/ Freeze Pattern

Meta-Stating Your Power Zone Meta-Stating Strength, Courage,

Etc. Modeling Optimism Meta-Stating Courage

Page 158

1) The Stress Fight/Flight/Freeze Pattern

A “Self-Help” Pattern in Overcoming Blocking

Page 1589

Figure 5:2 Frozen in the Middle

p. 159

Unconscious“wills” to “hold back.”

Conscious”wills” to “speak.”

“Frozen”

Figure 5:3 Thawing the Freeze

ConsciousUnconscious

Meta-Level StructuresThat Bring Balance.

Self-RespectSelf-Love

Self-EsteemEtc.

Desires to “holdyou back” so as toprotect you fromembarrassment,etc.

Desires for you “tospeak” and be theconfident adultthat you are.

The higheryou go the“clearer”you see.

p. 160

Power/ Resource Matrix When one is so inside a block that

one has activated the General Arousal Syndrome, one views oneself as totally powerless and un-resourceful.

This is state dependency. Such behavior usually requires

therapy and a lot of work to overcome.

But there is hope, much hope.p. 194

Learning Management Skills

“The time to learn state management skills, of course, is not during the stress storm. Learning navigation skills when a ship is tossing and

turning in the open sea in the midst of 40 foot waves is a bit late in the

game.”

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.p. 163

Learning Stress Management

The primary secret of stress management for the person is to learn how to avoid sending the “danger” message when we are not facing a physical threat.

This takes some doing. It means learning to run our brains and to

take charge of higher levels of meanings. It means learning how to stop reacting to

non-threatening circumstances. It means learning to respond more

realistically.p. 163

Learning Stress Management

It means that the person stops defining speaking as if it is a life threatening event.

It means loving and honoring oneself no matter how one speaks.

It means learning that speaking is about talking and nothing else.

It means letting emotions be just emotions. p. 163

Stress Fight/Flight/Freeze Pattern

Step 1: Recognize the presence of stress.

Step 2: Specify your stress strategy.

Step 3: Practice flying into calm. Step 4: Texture your game of flying

into a calm. Step 5: Practice accessing your

relaxed core state. Step 6: Keep refining and texturing

your relaxed core state. pp. 164-173

Cognitive Distortions –

Personalizing Awfulizing and Catastrophizing Emotionalizing Minimizing or Discounting Maximizing or Exaggerating All or Nothing Thinking Perfectionism

pp. 165-166

Figure 5:4Building aCore State ofEnhanced“Relaxation”

Page 172

The Cinemaof the Mind

Humor

Appreciation

Magnanimity

Openness to reality

Flexibility

Forgive “Others”

Forgive “Self”

Playfulness

Balance

Etc.

Exercise

Meta-Stating Your Power Zone

This is a pattern for recognizing and owning the very core “powers” or functions of our neuro-linguistic functioning.

Doing this establishes the basis for personal empowerment, responsibility and proactivity.

Page 173

1a. Access a full experience of your “Four Core Central Powers”

Speaking

Behaving

Thinking

Feeling

Two Inner Powers:

Two Public or Outer Powers:

Page 174

1b. Access Each Power

Notice each of these four powers and step into them fully individually.

Use your hands to mime out each of these powers in an imaginary “Circle of Power” and influence and responsibility in front of you.

Pages 174-175

2. Access and Amplify the Resource State of Ownership.

Has there ever been a time, maybe in childhood, when you said, “Mine!”?

Think about such a time and go be there and experience it totally.

Feel what it is like when you strongly sense that something is yours, when ever fiber of your being says, “Mine!”

Page 175

3. Access the States of Acceptance & Appreciation of “Mine!”

Imagine something that allows you to fully and completely feel a sense of acceptance – When you just welcome and acknowledge it: a

rainy day, traffic. Now feel this acceptance about what you own

as yours. Recall something that enables you to feel a

warm sense of appreciation for something. Feel that appreciation about this sense of

ownership.Page 175

4. Amplify these states until your Neurology radiates.

Amplify your sense of ownership, then acceptance, then appreciation and apply them to your power zone.

Let your words emerge as you language them effectively.

“This is my zone of power. I am totally responsible for my responses of mind, emotion, speech and behavior.”

Page 175

5. Push Away Judgments

As you own your own powers, give other people permission to own their own powers without you judging what they may or may not think of you.

Visualize yourself pushing them away from stealing your power.

Page 175

6. Run Meta-No/Yes Pattern

Say “No” to what others may think, feel, say or behave towards you.

Say “Yes” to owning your own thinking feeling, speaking and behaving.

Pages 175-176

7. Future Pace Imagine in the weeks and months to

come, moving through the world with this frame of mind about your zone of response… power.

How will your life be with you “owning,” “accepting,” and “appreciating” your power zone?

How will the lives of those around you be? Page 176

Four Central Powers Pattern

1. Access a full experience of your “Four Central Powers” – thinking, feeling, speaking and behaving.

2. Access and amplify the resource state of ownership.3. Access the states of acceptance and appreciation of

“mine!”4. Amplify these states until your neurology radiates.5. Imagine pushing other people’s judgments on how

you speak away from you.6. Run the Meta-No/ Meta-Yes Pattern on the results.7. Future pace.

pp. 174-176

Meta-Stating Strength, Confidence, Courage, Etc.

1. Access a strength state – a full 3-D movie of a time when you felt very strong.

2. Set this state as your frame-of-reference for the next five minutes.

3. Embed as you hold your strength state.4. Confirm the embedding of your new

strength state in the context of blocking/Stuttering.

Page 176-178

Modeling “Optimism”

1. Access a state of “not me!”2. Form a vigorous and robust “me” and

connect it to a specific time and place.3. Access the thoughts (frames of mind) that

are implied in this and add resources to those frames of mind that give them more power.

4. Set firmly in place with strong agreement.5. Cycle through until you sense a strong level

of optimism emerging.6. Test and future pace pp. 178-180

Figure 5:6 Meta-Stating

Courage

BoldnessCourage

@

Event inthe World

About@

PersonThought-Feeling

NobleFerocious

GentleAmbitious

RigidAngryEtc.

Page 182

Meta-Stating Courage Pattern1. Access some state of thinking-and-feeling

in which you fear something that brings on an unresourceful state and you “know” that it isn’t a “reasonable” fear and regarding which you want to respond with courage.

2. Flush out your current mental frames and meta-states about that fear.

3. Design engineer some higher level state, resource, belief, etc. that would allow your state of courage to become highly empowered.

4. Check out the overall configuration that results.

5. Keep recycling through this meta-stating and design engineering process until the gestalt emerges. pp. 180-183

Table 5:2

For “Fear” For “Blocking”

(Silly) fear(Tiny) fear(Weak) fear(Timid) fear(Funny) fear

(Curious) blocking(Intriguing) blocking(Amusing) blocking(Humorous) blocking(Respectful) blocking(Intelligent) blocking

Page 181

The “Excuse Blow-Out” Pattern

1. Access a desired outcome.2. Let the excuse or excuses emerge.3. Quality control the excuse.4. Preserve the excuse’s values and

benefits. 5. Reject the empty shell of the old worn

out excuse.6. Test.7. Access your executive decision state.

Extra

The“ExcuseBlow-Out”Pattern

Extra

Yes!

Values

Explanations

Excuses

No!

Goal