Chapter 4: The Narrative EssayCopyright © 2011

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The oldest form of communication, having roots in human history long before the written word, is storytelling. We may be from different countries of origin, of different races, religions, or ethnic groups, but we are all human, and we are all storytellers. Our *hunter-gatherer ancestors spent their evenings, and many dark and lonely nights, around the protective and warming flames of a campfire, telling stories. People told stories about adventures, both great and small – hunting the great woolly mammoth or finding a new medicinal herb, for example. Stories were told by the elderly, who were keepers of the clan’s memory. These stories about generations past and origin myths informed and amazed their listeners. They told these stories that had once been told to them when they were young and repeated down through many generations. Today, our storytelling takes place with friends meeting after class, with family sitting around the dinner table, not so different from the campfires of our ancestors. We also tell stories using written communication with the computer. Still, the goal is the same: to entertain and inform through storytelling, or what is formally called the Narrative Essay—writing that tells a story.

*Hunter-gatherer describes human beings who obtain their food from the bounty of nature, hunting animals and gathering wild plants. It is a subsistence lifestyle, practiced by all early human societies. Such people are generally nomads, moving on as food supplies dwindle. Archaeological evidence to date suggests that all human beings were hunter-gatherers prior to twelve thousand years ago, before the Neolithic Era. The Neolithic revolution…marks the emergence of agriculture and domestication of animals and the

Narration is the fiction we invent to persuade ourselves that events are knowable and that life has order and direction.

subsequent decline of hunter-gatherer populations.New World Encyclopedia http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Hunter-gatherer

Stories told around the campfire of ancient Hunter-Gathers

http://orionwell.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/storytelling-around-a-campfire.jpg

Great Woolly Mammothhttp://weblogs.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/blog/woolly-mammoth.jpg

The Narrative is part of the fabric of our lives, with our friends and family who want to know what happened to us at work or at college; when that fire started in the kitchen last weekend; or when your two best friends, who are now enemies, met by accident at the Mall; or how while hiking you were almost shot by some guys using a sign for target practice with their 22’s. Because a Narrative Essay is closest to what we are as people, it’s often the easiest kind of essay to write and feels the most natural.

However, just because a Narrative tells a story does not mean that it does not have a point or that it is not organized. If you’ve ever known someone who talks on and on, or as the jazz-blues singer Mose Allison put it in one of his songs: “Your mind is on vacation, and your mouth is working overtime.” That’s not the kind of narrative you want to write! Moreover, we are not computers that can spew out millions of chunks of information without a point; humans must weave the details of their stories around a main point, or what writers call a Thesis Statement.

Mose Allison on the piano http://www.mswritersandmusicians.com/musicians/allison/mose-allison3.jpg

YouTube video: Mose Allison performing, “Your Mind is on Vacation”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCpekvOkwNM

It’s important to note that a Narrative Essay follows the same organization as all other kinds of writing we’re learning in this class. The Thesis Statement has two parts: the Topic (the person or event you are telling the story about) and the Main Idea (the reason you are telling the story – why the story is interesting or meaningful). In Narrative writing, the Support (the important details of the story and possibly quotes from people in the story) is crafted to prove that the story has interest or meaning for you, the writer). How much Support (the amount of detail) you use depends on how much is necessary to prove the Main Point. An almost infinite amount of detail no doubt happened at the same time and place as your story, but that detail is irrelevant to the Main Point, so you must leave it out. One of the problems with a friend who talks on and on is that he does not know which detail to include and which detail to leave out. The secret is to include only those details that support your Main Point—the significance of the story—why you are telling the story in the first place.

Here’s a summary of the organization you’ll use in writing a Narrative Essay:

1. Introductory Paragrapha. Gets the readers’ interest.b. Sets the context for the paragraph/essay (provides

background—answers the “newspaper reporter’s” questions: “who,” “where,” and “when” the story takes place).

c. Thesis Statement – the Topic ( the person or event you are telling the story about ) + the Main Idea ( the central point behind the story, the reason you are telling the story, or why the story is interesting or meaningful).

2. General Support – Sets the stage for, and backs the reader away from, the moment-by-moment storytelling that follows, usually taking place over longer periods of time.

3. Specific Support – The moment-by-moment telling of the story, including only those details that support the Thesis Statement. Like all forms of writing we’re learning, essays are not likely to be effective without Specific Support with detail, be it examples, quotes, or statistics, and in the case of Narrative writing, moment-by-moment storytelling (see example essay below).

4. Conclusiona. Backs the reader away from the moment-by-moment

storytelling to a broader overview.b. Restates the Main Idea (the reason you are telling the story or

why the story is interesting or meaningful).c. Takes the reader a step further.

Here’s an example using a short Narrative Essay that follows the organizational outline above. The organization of the essay is highlighted using the following key:

The Introduction designed to get the readers’ interest and give background to the essay is in Italics

The Thesis Statement for the essay is underlined and in bold print The Topic Sentence for each Support Paragraph is underlined

The General Support Sentences (the story that takes place over extended time) are in blue type

The Specific Support Sentences (the moment-by-moment story) are in red type

James Earl Jones

1At age fourteen, 2a gawky and shy James Earl Jones was transformed . 1Transplanted from rural Mississippi, he felt out of place at Dickson High School in Brethren, Michigan. 3His stutter was so pronounced that he never spoke out in class. Understandably, he often felt alone. Jones found refuge in writing poetry. 4(One day in class), 5he wrote a poem and submitted it to his English teacher. The teacher surprised at how good it was, wondered whether Jones had copied it, and challenged Jones, “The best way for you to prove that you wrote this poem yourself, is to recite it by heart to the class.” Jones then walked to the front of the room, thinking it would be better to be laughed at for stuttering than to be disgraced. He was scared, but he opened his mouth and began to speak. To the astonishment of everyone in the class, the words flowed smoothly. The stutter disappeared. 6He had stumbled upon what speech therapists would one day discover: that the written page can be a stutterer’s salvation.

1The Introduction or background answers the questions:Who: “James Earl Jones”When: “At age fourteen”Where: “Dickson High School in Brethren, Michigan”

2The Topic of the essay (“James Earl Jones,”) plus the Main Idea (“was transformed”) equals the Thesis Statement: (“James Earl Jones was transformed”).

3General Support: Notice how the sentences about Jones’ “stutter,” “not speaking out in class,” and “writing poetry” take place over longer periods of time and are not a moment-by-moment telling of the story.

4Transition Phrase, (“One day in class”), signals a move from General to Specific Support

5The Specific Support is the actual moment-by-moment story telling, including only those details that support the Thesis Statement that “James Earl Jones was transformed.”

6Explanation for the James Earl Jones’ transformation, necessary for technical or scientific support but not necessary otherwise.

7Transition Phrase (“He went on to become”) signals a move away from the moment-to-moment storytelling to the Conclusion.

8Transition Phrase (“fifty year later”), signals a move from the past to the present.

7(He went on to become) 9a high school public-speaking champion and won a scholarship to the University of Michigan. Today, 8(fifty years later), the voice of James Earl Jones “including the voice of Darth Vader in the movie Star Wars” is among the most familiar in the world.

Wallace, Terry, “When His Sound Was Silenced”Parade MagazineDecember 1994

9The General Support backs the reader away from the moment-by-moment story to a brief overview of James Earl Jones’ future at “the University of Michigan” and in movies, completing the evidence for the Topic Sentence that James Earl Jones was transformed.

Darth Vader in Star Warshttp://redriverautographs.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/darth-vader.jpg

James Earl Jones – Actor http://jgtwo.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/jamesearl.jpg

YouTube Video: Darth Vader using the “dark side of the force”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MaJy7LH5js

Steps in Writing a Narrative Essay

Step 1. The Thesis Statement

The first step in organizing a Narrative Essay is to develop a Thesis Statement. All Thesis Statements have two important parts, and in the Narrative Essay the Thesis Statement has an additional focus on the story you’ll be writing about.

The Thesis Statement = the Topic + the Main Idea

1. The Topic (who or what your essay or story is about).

2. The Main Idea (why the story that you’ll write is interesting or meaningful).

As with all essays, if you care about the Topic, you’ll do a much better job of convincing your reader. Here are some examples of Topics you might be assigned in college:

1. A life experience that taught you a lesson2. A time you were in danger3. Your first day at a new job4. A memorable wedding or a funeral

A picture perfect moment! http://www.metrobloggen.se/

UserFiles/18.42238/Image/LATINO_WEDDING_(1).jpg

Off to a great start!http://www.encentra.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/

first-date.jpg

Once you’ve decided on a Topic, the next step is to develop a Thesis Statement. The Thesis Statement has not only the Topic (who or what event your story is about), but also the Main Idea (what you will prove about the Topic through your story—why the story is interesting or meaningful to you). Remember, you need both a Topic and a Main Idea for a Thesis Statement. A story without a Main Idea will just be a steam of details going nowhere. It’s not enough to announce that you’ll be writing about “your summer vacation.” That’s what caused problems at the beginning of your English class in eighth grade! What was missing was a statement of why that summer vacation was interesting or meaningful to you. For example: “*My summer vacation taught me the importance of planning ahead of time”; or “My summer vacation brought my family back together after tragedy had pulled us apart.” The bottom line: It’s up to you what you want to convince your readers about your Topic through your story.

*To help you identify the Topic and Main Idea for each Thesis Statement, the Topics are underlined and the Main Ideas are in bold type.

In developing a Thesis Statement, remember to base the decision on your interest in and experience with the Topic. Here are some examples of what we mean:

Topics Interest in and experience with

the TopicA life experience that taught you a lesson

If you’ve had an experience that not only taught you a lesson but also that you now apply in much of your life.

A time you were in danger If you once found yourself in a situation of risk and danger, not even knowing if you would come out alive.

Your first day at a new job If your first day on the job was one you’ll never forget.

A memorable wedding or a funeral

If your best friend’s wedding was so good you hope you can have one just like it one day.

A disastrous or incredible first date

If you had that one first date when everything went wrong.

Now you’ve got a story that not only is worth telling, but also much easier to write and will result in a better essay besides!

Given the above list of Topics, we might come up with the following Thesis Statements (the Topics are underlined and the Main Ideas are in bold type):

Topic Main Idea1. My best friend’s dishonesty taught me the importance of being true

to myself. Topic Main Idea

2. A late night visit to a 7-Eleven with my friends almost cost me my life.

Topic Main Idea3. My first day at a computer applications company has influenced both

my education and career.

Topic Main Idea4. My sister’s wedding showed the strength and unity of my family.

Topic Main Idea5. The date I allowed my aunt and uncle to arrange made me a believer

in just how bad blind dates can be.

Practice 1. Crafting your own Thesis Statement – Use the following list of Topics to develop a Thesis Statement by adding a Main Idea.

Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

1. An embarrassing experience

Your Thesis Statement:

2. An experience that shows appearances can be deceiving

Your Thesis Statement:

3. A vacation trip from your childhood

Your Thesis Statement:

A family camping triphttp://www.camping-field-guide.com/images/family-camping-trip.jpg

4. A significant misunderstanding

Your Thesis Statement:

5. A brush with the police

Your Thesis Statement:

Police car on patrolhttp://image.motortrend.com/f/auto-news/2009-dodge-charger-police-car-gives-officers-a-bigger-advantage-over-crime/10751330+cr1+re0+ar1/2009-dodge-charger-police-car.jpg

Practice 2. Choose one of the Thesis Statements you developed above (see Practice 1 above). If you like, this Thesis Statement can serve as the Thesis Statement for a Narrative Essay that you’ll be assigned at the end of the chapter (see Practice 4 Narrative Essay Assignment).

Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

Your ThesisStatement:

Step 2: The First Draft

Once you have the Thesis Statement, you’re ready to write the first draft of your Narrative Essay. We’ll use as a model a Narrative Essay from the book Merle’s Door by Ted Kerasote, the story of a man and a very unusual dog.

Key to the organization in the Narrative Essay:

The introduction that sets the context in the essay is in Italics. The Thesis Statement is underlined and bold type. The General Support Sentences that focus the story before the moment-

to-moment detail are in Blue type. The Specific Support Sentences that are moment-to-moment detail of

the story are in Red type. The transition words are in (Parentheses). The Conclusion that restates the Thesis is in Green type.

The excerpt takes place when Ted, while rafting on the San Juan River in southeastern Utah, first adopts an abandoned dog that he names Merle.

Merle Makes His Choice

1We paddled down the San Juan River, 2the 1Introduction that

morning breeze cool, the sun sprinkling the wavelets with glister with vertical cliffs of layered sandstone rising 500 feet on either side. 1Pam Weiss and Bennett Austin, who had driven from Jackson Hole, Wyoming, were in one boat. Kim Reynolds, an Outward Bound instructor from Ridgeway, Colorado, and I were in the other. 2As the canyon widened, opening upon a grassy shoreline, the dog sat up smartly on the cooler. A dozen cows grazed along the left bank, raising their heads to watch us pass. They were Navajo cattle, the entire left bank of the San Juan River being the northern boundary of the Navajo Nation, which covers a sizeable portion of Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico.(3) 4I did not know it, but the dog we had found abandoned along the river was about to make a life changing decision.

5The dog gave the cattle a sharp, excited look, and leapt off the cooler. Flying through the air with his front and back legs extended, he hit the water in a mushroom of spray. He surfaced and began to paddle rapidly to the shore. Scrambling up the rocky bank, he shook himself once, and, as the cows watched in disbelief, he sprinted directly at them. They wheeled and galloped downriver.

Nose and tail extended, he chased after them, his wet coat flashing reddish-gold in the sunlight. Through willow and cactus he sprinted, closing the distance with remarkable speed and cutting out the smallest calf with an expert flanking

provides background and context for the story—answers the “newspaper reporter’s” questions: who, where, and when.

2General Support Sentences that set the stage for the moment-by-moment story that follows.

(3)Notice how in this essay the Introduction and General Support are woven together.

4Thesis Statement with the Topic (“ Merle and the cattle ”) and the Main Idea (“ Merle’s life changing decision ”).

5The moment-by-moment story that proves the Thesis (Merle made a life changing decision).

movement. Coming abreast of the calf's hindquarter, he forced it away from the herd and toward the cliffs. It was clear he intended to corner it against the rocks and kill it.

Stunned, we watched in silence. Besides, what could we do? Yell, "Hey, dog, stop!"? Yet something about his behavior told me that he hadn't totally lost himself to that hardwired state into which dogs disappear when they lock onto fleeing prey. Focused solely on the animal fleeing before them, they can run for miles, losing track of where they or their humans might be.

This dog wasn't doing that. As he coursed alongside the terrified calf, he kept glancing toward the raft and the kayaks, heading downriver to a bend that would take us out of sight. And I could see that he was calculating two mutually exclusive outcomes: the juicy calf and the approaching cliffs where he'd corner it, or the fast-retreating boats and the family he had found.

I saw him glance again at the bend of the river where we'd vanish—and right there I realized that dogs could think abstractly. The calf was as real as real could be, a potential meal right now. The boat people, their Purina Dog Chow, and the affection they shared with him were no more than memories of the past and ideas about the future, or however these English words translate in the mind of a dog.

Instant gratification ... future benefits. The choices seemed clear. And mind you, we weren't calling or waving to him. Without a word, we floated silently down the river.

He chose the future. He broke off his chase in midstride, cut right, streaking past the group of startled cows who had gathered in a protective huddle. Reaching the bank, he raced along its rocky apron, trying to gain as much ground on us as he could before having to swim. Faced by willow, he leapt—again legs stretched fore and aft, ears flapping like wings—before belly crashing into the water. Paddling with determination, he set a course downriver that would intercept our float.

After a long haul—mouth open, breathing hard, eyes riveted upon us—he swam to the raft, allowing Benj to haul him in. Standing on the cooler, he shook himself vigorously, then reclined in his sphinx position to let the sun dry his fur. 6Merle had chosen.

6A short but effective Conclusion that backs the reader out of the story and restates the Main Idea.

Kerasote, Ted. Merle’s Door, Orlando, Harcourt, 2008. Print

Merle near the Grand Tetonshttp://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/imageviewer.asp?ean=9781616797287

Practice 3. In the Narrative Essay below, also an excerpt from the book Merle’s Door by Ted Kerasote, titled “Merle and the Moose,” identify the Organization using the following guide:

Put the Introduction designed to give background to the essay in Italics.Underline and put in bold type the Thesis Statement, which includes the Topic (who or what event your story is about), and the Main Idea (what you will prove about the Topic through your story—why the story is interesting or meaningful to you).Put the General Support that sets the stage for the moment-by-moment story in Blue type.Put the Supporting Detail of the moment-by-moment story in Red type. Put the Conclusion that restates the Thesis and takes the reader a step further in Green type.

Merle and the Moose

After the river trip, we left Kim in Moab, Utah, where she picked up her truck and drove east to Colorado. We headed north into Wyoming and up to Kelly, a small town located at the edge of the Grand Tetons National Park. When we

arrived in Kelly, Merle bounded out of the truck and gave a quick look around. My silver trailer, which I used as an office, was permanently parked under a grove of cottonwood trees. Behind it, fields of sage rolled toward the snowcapped Tetons. My house, a log cabin was located about a mile and a half up the hill. Merle quickly settled into a new way of life.

Given the length of our commute between the cabin and the trailer, how much Merle enjoyed the walk between the two, and how peaceable the scenery was, I suspect that we might never have built a house of our own had something dramatic not happened, involving a moose.

One night, tired from skiing, I had fallen asleep shortly after showering, feeding Merle, and eating my own dinner. A few hours later, I heard, "Uh." A moment later, another "uh." Then, after a few more seconds pause, still another "uh." The uhs were being uttered very diplomatically, the human equivalent of a whispered "Excuse me." Merle was making his glottal stop by my bedside, which meant "Please, can you open the door. I want to go out."

I sighed. The bed was warm, and when I had looked at the thermometer at the front door before turning in, it had read twelve below zero. For about the six millionth time, I wished Merle had a dog door up here in the cabin. However, soon after installing his dog door at the trailer, where I did my writing, I had asked my landlady if I could put one in the cabin, which would involve cutting an opening in the logs. Her long silence had given me my answer. “It was just a thought,” I added quickly. “It’s not really necessary.” I didn’t want to push her. She was the kindest of lessors, charging me a fraction of the going rate, and, with the place’s views and privacy, I certainly didn’t want to leave.

I got up and let him out.

A very large bull moose was standing twenty feet from the front door.

I saw Merle running the problem over in his mind—glancing at the deep snow to the side of the path, and then gazing at the moose, directly on the path and not giving any indication that he was about to leave. Standing at over six feet high at the shoulders and seven feet long, he had a huge rack of antlers that spread a good five feet from side to side. He must have weighed over 1,200 pounds. Vapor clouds poured from the moose's nostrils as he breathed, and his back was covered with frost that sparkled in the moonlight. He was magnificent. But I didn't think Merle was appreciating the moose's massive beauty.

I now figured that he was going through a double bind: He didn't want to soil his house, but he also didn't want the moose to trap him in the deep snow to the side of the path. Moose are famous for rearing back and striking dogs on the head with their sharp hooves, and most dogs don't survive the incident. In fact, in North America more humans are injured each year by moose than by bears. Merle certainly didn't know these figures, but he and I had been put to flight by enough angry moose while skiing for him to have an idea that this wasn't an animal to be toyed with.

Perhaps his bowels clouded his mind. Without any warning, he ran at the moose, making a soft explosive woof while simultaneously bouncing to a stop with his front paws, as if he were trying to shoo the great deer away. The moose, an easy twelve times larger than Merle, lowered his antlers and charged, which brought him off the path and into the cleared area in front of the cabin. Merle slipped left, dashing under the moose's pendulous nose, and fled down the empty path. A good forty feet away, he turned and woofed sharply at the moose: "Woof, woof, woof, woof," four times in an angry, wounded tone, as if to say, "I was just trying to get by you."

The moose didn't bother to give chase.

"Merle," I called from the front door, where I was standing. "Stay."

The moose turned, sized me up, and charged. Adrenaline kicked in—I stepped back—but not in time. Fortunately, architecture intervened. The cabin had a miniature porte cochere, a little peaked roof and two small walls that provided a bit of shelter over the entryway. The moose's antlers struck these two walls, arresting him in full stride, the cabin shaking from the blow. At the very same moment, I managed to slam the door in his face. It was a half-pane door, and the moose's nose creamed the window, leaving a round, wet smudge mark, the size of a salad plate, in its very center.

My heart was jackhammering against my ribs. The moose glared at me through the window, tried once again to come through the door, and was foiled by his tremendous antlers. Collecting himself, he stalked off. When I saw him enter the spruce on the other side of the small field in front of the house, I opened the door and called to Merle, who, after a minute or so, trotted back smartly, panting with exultation: "We showed that guy."

"You know, Sir," I told him, "if you want to die that way, you can, but don't take me with you."

"Ha-ha-ha," he panted, looking quite unperturbed about the whole affair. "Not even close."

Maybe, but that’s when I decided we needed our own house.

A Very Large Bull Moosehttp://mantiqaltayr.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/bull_moose.jpg

In Practice 4 below, you’ll be writing your own Narrative Essay. In doing so, take it one step at a time, like following a road map to a distant city or a recipe to make an excellent dinner. Here are the steps in writing a Narrative Essay:

1. Prewriting Choose a Topic for your essay – the person or event that you’ll be writing the story about.

Develop a Thesis Statement – the central point, or reason you are telling the story – why the story is interesting or meaningful.

2. Drafting

3. Revise for Organization(draft 2)

4. Revising for Style(draft 3)

5. Editing(draft 4)

Following the “Organization of the Narrative Essay” write the first draft of your essay.

Review and revise your draft to make sure that the organization of your essay follows the Organization of the Narrative Essay.

Revise your essay for the flow and readability of the sentences – (see Chapter 11 on Style)

Review and revise your essay for grammar, spelling, and punctuation (see Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Checklist below).

Practice 4. Writing your own Narrative Essay

Graded Essay Assignment: Write a 1-2 page Narrative essay (you might choose the Thesis Statement you developed in the Progressive Writing Assignments in this Chapter, or any of the topics listed below. First Draft due date: one week from today

1. Possible Topics for your Narrative Essay:

1. A life experience that taught you a lesson2. A time you were in danger3. Your first day at a new job4. A memorable wedding or a funeral5. A disastrous or incredible first date

Topic + Main Idea = Thesis Statement

Write a Narrative Essay from 1-2 pages long on the topic you chose that is based on your Thesis Statement.

Your essay must be organized according to the following principles of organization covered in this chapter.

Organization (Check when you are certain you have included the following):

_____ 1. Introductory Paragraph – a. Gets the readers interest.b. Sets the context for the essay (provides background) —answers

the “newspaper reporter’s” questions: who, where, and when of the story.

c. Thesis Statement – Topic + Main Idea (the central point, or reason you are telling the story – why the story is interesting or meaningful).

_____ 2. General Support – Sets the stage for the moment-by-moment storytelling that follows, usually taking place over longer periods of time.

_____ 3. Specific Support – The moment-by-moment telling of the story. Remember to include only those details that support the Thesis Statement.

_____ 4. Conclusion – a. Backs the reader away from the moment-by-moment telling of

the story to a broader overview.b. Restates the Thesis Statement (the reason you are telling the

story – why the story is interesting or meaningful).c. Takes the reader a step further.

_____ 5. Make sure to include a heading with your name, date, course information, and assignment in the upper left corner of the essay!

Here’s how to format your essays: At the opening of your essay, single space your name, the course, date and something that identifies which assignment it is (Narrative Essay for example) in the upper left hand corner. You will need a title. Capitalize the first letter in each word of your title (except for a, the, at, of, in and to unless one of these words begins the title). Center the title above the essay. Also, make sure to double-space the text of the essay (Use ctrl-A, then ctrl-2). Put your essay is in 12 point type with 1 inch margins.

6. Complete the following Grammar Checklist by checking carefully for each type of error in your essay. Correct the errors and place an “X” by each type of error you checked for. Attach the Grammar Checklist in a separate file with your essay.

Grammar Checklist

1. ____  Spelling (Use the spell check on your computer)  ____  Spelled as one word instead of two!

Anyone AnythingSomeone EverybodyAnybody WheneverSomebody Cannot

2. Fragments  _____  Make sure you have a subject and a verb in all your sentences; otherwise

the word group is a fragment. Here are some examples:

Fragment: Getting to class on time.Sentence: Getting to class on time has been a problem for me.

Fragment: When I knew he was there.Sentence: When I knew he was there, I dropped off the contract.

Fragment: Such as the games that are on-line. Sentence: There are many video games that I play, such as the games that are

on-line.

Fragment: When she arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off. Sentence:  She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off. 

3. Run-ons

_____  Run-ons are caused by combining two full sentences, each with a subject and verb and no conjunction, into one sentence using a comma or no punctuation. You can correct a run-on by:

Run-on: She arrived at class the bus had dropped her off.Sentence: She arrived at class after the bus had dropped her off. Run-on: You know the answer, it’s on the board.Sentence: You know the answer because it’s on the board.

4. Comma Errors _____  Commas with Coordinate Conjunctions – Notice the need for a

comma in compound sentences with a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or), where there are two equal ideas (see page … in the text).

Examples:I walked to class, and I carried my books.I walked to class and carried my books.Notice that you do have a comma when there is a second subject but do not have a comma when the second subject is left out.

 _____  Commas with Subordinate Conjunctions – Use commas after

subordinate clauses that introduce sentences. A subordinate clause is less important than the main sentence and is signaled with a key word.

Examples: When I got to class, the fire alarm rang. After I got to class, the fire alarm rang.                                 The fire alarm rang after I got to class. I like apples because they are sweet.

Notice that you need a comma when the subordinate clause starts the sentence but do not use a comma when the Subordinate Clause does not start the sentence.

 _____ Commas in Opening Phrases and Introductory Phrases – Use a

comma after opening phrases.

Example: “In fact, I did it my way.” “In early morning light, I saw the battle.”“I saw the battle in the early morning light.” (Notice there is no comma because the prepositional phrase comes at the end of the sentence.)

 _____  Commas in Series – Put a comma after each item in a series including

the last item before the conjunction.

Example: “I like apples, oranges, and bananas.”“She read the chapter on Monday, visited the Writing Center on Tuesday, and took the exam on Wednesday.” 

 _____  Commas with Which but not That – It is almost always true that

“which” takes a comma, and “that” does not.

Example: “I am taking the umbrella, which is in the closet.”“I am taking the umbrella that is in the closet.”

 _____  No Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction – You never have a

Comma after a Subordinate Conjunction.

Never like this: “Although, it was raining, we played the soccer match to the end.” Always like this: “Although it was raining, we played the soccer match to the end.”

 

5. Correct Wording  

_____  Its/It’s This is an exception to the possessive rule. “Its” is the possessive as in “The cat cleaned its fur.” “It’s” is the contraction meaning “It is,” as in, “It’s time to go.”

 _____  Then/Than These two words are tricky. “Then” is used to show a

change in time. For example: “First, I washed my clothes; then I did my assignment.” “Then” is also used with cause-effect sentences. For example: “If you want to leave on time, then you better start packing.” “Than” is used for comparisons. For example: “I like your choice better than mine.”

 _____  There/Their/They’re These words are pronounced the same but have

different meanings. Here’s what they mean:

1. “There” is a direction like: “over there.”2. “Their” shows possession like: “their car.”3. “They’re” is a contraction meaning: “They are.”

_____  To/Too/Two These words are pronounced the same but have different

meanings. Here’s what they mean:

You have “to” as in “to the store”; “too” as in “too many assignments”; and “two” as in “two pencils.” Make sure to use the right form in your essay!

 _____  In formal writing, avoid using “and” or “but” to start a sentence. Usually

you can just take the “and” or “but” out, and it will fix the problem, or you can combine the word group that begins with “and” or “but” with the sentence that comes before.

Incorrect: I walked to class. And I took the quiz.Correct: I walked to class, and I took the quiz.

_____  Slang – In a formal paper, try to avoid using slang words like “Got,” “Lot of,” “thing,” “stuff,” or “bunch.” See if you can find another word to do the job.

 _____  I believe/I think/in my opinion/Next I’ll talk about – In a formal

paper, avoid writing “I believe,” “I think,” “in my opinion,” and so on. Readers will assume that you would not write it if you didn’t believe it, so it’s unnecessary to write, “I believe.”

Extra Wording: I believe 16 year olds should have the right to vote.Revised: Sixteen year olds should have the right to vote.

_____ The words “very,” “a little,” “a lot,” “kind of,” “sort of,” and “you know,” “that,” and “In this essay, I’m going to write about, “at the present time,” due to the fact that,” “in the event that,” “The point I am trying to make is that,” “What I mean to say is that,” “In the final analysis”…” are most often unnecessary and don’t add anything to your writing. Just take them out.

_____  Numbers – In a formal paper, write out your numbers unless they are triple digits (10 or greater), or a paper where you are presenting data.

Incorrect: There were 8 stores in the city.Correct: There were eight stores in the city.

_____   Second Person “you” – In a formal paper, try to avoid the second person “you” unless you’re giving instructions or directions. Stick to the third person (“it” “he” “she” “they”) and so on. Or in personal essays, use the first person “I.”

Process Essays are the exception where you are explaining how to do something (like how to change the car’s oil, or how to write an essay!)