Chapter 3

American Ways of Love

Chapter Outline

• The American Myth: Romantic Love

Should Always Lead to Marriage

• Defining Love

• Love in Strong Families: Appreciation

and Respect

Chapter Outline

• Learning to Love

• Love over Time: From Passionate to

Companionate Love

• Love’s Oft-Found Companion:

Jealousy

The American Myth: Romantic Love Should Always Lead to Marriage

• Implies that love is the one indispensable ingredient that should determine whom and when a person marries.

• A corollary to the myth states that love will overcome all, never mind the obstacles.

• Because Americans tend to believe the romantic myth, numerous marriages have little other than love going for them and the union dissolves because the couple has no basis on which to build a lasting relationship.

Defining Love

The ancient Greeks divided love into a number of elements: • Ludus (game-playing love)• Storge (friendship love)• Mania (possessive/dependent love).

Defining Love

For the Greeks, the three most important types of love leading to more successful intimate relationships are: • Eros (carnal or physical love) • Agape (spiritual love)• Philos (brotherly or friendly love).

The Wheel as a Model of Love

The Wheel as a Model of Love

Stage 1 The Rapport Stage Partners are struck by the feelings that

they have known each other before. They are comfortable with each other,

and both want to deepen the relationship.

The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 2 The Self-revelation Stage

The partners share more intimate feelings. This deepens the relationship because such

sharing is only done with special people. Self-disclosure is associated with increased

commitment, mutual trust, and love.

The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 3 Mutual Dependence

As sharing becomes more intimate, a feeling of mutual dependence develops.

Falling in love provides a sense of very rapid expansion of the boundaries of self. There comes a feeling of loss when the partner is absent.

The Wheel as a Model of Love Stage 4 Intimacy

The partners experience more intimacy and need fulfillment as they deepen their relationship.

The Triangle of Love

Elements of Love• Nonlove: Absence of all three elements.• Liking: Intimacy without passion or

commitment. • Infatuation: Passion without intimacy or

commitment. • Romantic love: Intimacy and passion

without commitment .

Elements of Love• Companionate love: Intimacy and

commitment without passion. • Fatuous love: Passion and commitment

without intimacy. • Empty love: Commitment without

passion and intimacy.• Consummate love: Combination of

intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Theories on Love

• Romantic Love• Infatuation• Loving and Liking• The Double Cross• Love Is What You Make It

Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Respect In strong families where there is a mature

loving relationship, the expression of appreciation permeates the relationship.

Mature love will always include appreciation of the loved ones, including the spouse, children, parents, grandparents, or simply good friends.

Negative Behavior A vicious circle is a pattern of behavior

in which a negative behavior provokes a negative reaction, which, in turn, prompts more negative behavior.

Socialization

The process of passing society’s values on to new members that begins at birth.

Developmental Stages

• Self-Love Stage: Infancy and Early Childhood

• Parental Identification Stage: Early and Middle Childhood

• Group Stage: Late Childhood and Preadolescence

• Heterosexual Adult Stage

Jealousy The state of being resentfully suspicious

of a loved one’s behavior toward a suspected rival.

Quick Quiz

1. Love that includes intimacy and commitment without passion is

a) Familial Love

b) Companionate Love

c) Empty Love

d) Liking

Answer: b• Companionate love is a strong bond that

includes intimacy and commitment without passion .

2. The process of passing society’s values on to new members is

a) Coding

b) Modeling

c) Brainwashing

d) Socialization

Answer: d• Socialization is the process of passing

society’s values on to new members.

3. The Greek term for brotherly love is

a) Agape

b) Philos

c) Eros

d) Storge

Answer: b• Philos is the Greek term for brotherly

love.