Ch4

Scientific Writing and Communication, 2e Angelika H. Hofmann Copyright © 2014 by Oxford University Press

Chapter 4

Technical Sentences


Grammar and Technical Style

Use the first personExample This study was carried out to determine…Revision We carried out this study to determine…

Use the active voiceExample X crossed the membrane.

Use past tense for observations, completed actions, and specific conclusions Example The bite caused local irritation.

Use present tense for generalizations and statements of general validity Example Most deciduous trees have leaves.


Sentence Length

Write short sentences

•Short sentences are easier to understand than long sentences

•Compare:

•Aim for 22 words/sentence on average

•Aim for one idea per sentence

•

Average # words/sentence

Scientific American/ New York Times

12-15

Scientific articles 33

IDEAL in Science 22


Sentence Length

Example (53 words)In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram

correctly detected a large lesion (15 mm) attached to the right coronary cusp but failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps, whereas in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.

Revision In one patient who had numerous lesions, the echocardiogram

correctly detected a large lesion (15 mm) attached to the right coronary cusp. It failed to detect the 4- to 5-mm lesions found at surgery on the remaining two cusps. However, in another patient, the echocardiogram correctly detected lesions on all three cusps.


Active Verbs

Use active verbs

•Verbs express action in English

•Avoid weak verbs—do not bury verbs in nouns

Example An increase in temperature occurred.Revised Temperature increased.

Example With an increase in sperm concentration, the fertilization rate improved.

Revised When sperm concentration was increased, the fertilization rate improved.


Noun Clusters

Avoid noun clusters

• Adding another noun (or nouns) onto an already existing noun pair is confusing

Example a) filament length variabilityb) cultured rat tracheal endothelial

cells

Revised a) variability in the length of the filaments; variability of

filament length

b) cultures of endothelial cells from the tracheas of rats

NOTE Exceptions: wavelength, water bath


Pronouns

Use clear pronouns

•Pronouns are words that take the place of nouns

Examples: it, he, she, they, these, those, them, this, that, which, and both.

•Unclear pronouns confuse readers

unclear pronoun is if a pronoun refers to

1. Too many possible nouns

2. No possible nouns


Too many possible nouns

Problem: Too many possible nouns for a pronoun

Solution: Repeat a word

Example Certain Gram+ bacteria do not respond to these drugs, so research on them is restricted.

Revision ACertain Gram+ bacteria do not respond to these drugs, so research on these drugs is restricted.

Revision BResearch on these drugs is restricted because certain Gram+ bacteria do not respond to them.

?


No possible nouns

Problem: No noun for the pronoun to refer to

Solution: Repeat a word from the previous sentence

Use a category term

Example If a specimen is frozen in a bath containing dry ice and acetone, the water of the cell can be removed by sublimation and damage to the cell prevented. This is commonly used for preservation of cultures.

Revision If a specimen is frozen in a bath containing dry ice and acetone, the water of the cell can be removed by sublimation and damage to the cell prevented. This technique is commonly used for preservation of cultures.

?


Parallelism and Comparisons

Use correct parallel form

•Parallel ideas = ideas that are equal in logic and importance (ideas joined by "and,“ "or," or "but" ; ideas that are being compared)

•Parallel form = the same grammatical structure of or two or more parallel ideas

•Parallel ideas should be written in parallel form


Examples

1. The metabolic rate of A increased 2-fold, but

the metabolic rate of B decreased 10-fold.

subject verb completer

2. The moss P. patens grows in the mountains andat sea level.

preposition prepositional phrase

Parallelism and Comparisons


Faulty Comparisons

Avoid faulty comparisons

•Overuse of “compared to”

•Ambiguous comparisons

•Incomplete comparisons


“higher” “greater” “lower” “less”

Example We found more fertilized eggs in buffer A compared to buffer B.

Revision We found more fertilized eggs in buffer A

than in buffer B.

Overuse of “compared to”

than

compared to


Ambiguous Comparisons

Don’t compare “apples and oranges”

Example These results are similar to

previous studies.

Revision A These results are similar to the results of previous studies.

Use “that” or "those” to avoid repeating the noun:

Revision B These results are similar to those of previous studies.


Incomplete Comparisons

Revision

RNA isolation is more difficult than DNA isolation.

Write complete comparisonsExample

RNA isolation is more difficult.


Common Errors

Avoid errors is spelling, punctuation, and grammarMake a checklist to go over when you are revising your manuscript

Common errors to avoid:

•The subject and verb do not make sense together

•The subject and verb do not agree

•Helping verbs are omitted

•Spelling

•Punctuation

•Other (see individual writing principles)


Punctuation

• Use the simplest approach• Use a period to end a sentence • Try to eliminate semicolons• Use punctuation to add clarity

Example Although additions of monensin were discontinued after 9 days the fermentors did not resume gas production.

Possible interpretations:a) Although additions of monensin were discontinued,

after 9 days the fermentors did not resume gas production. b) Although additions of monensin were discontinued

after 9 days, the fermentors did not resume gas production.


Punctuation (cont’d)

Use commas for:- A dependent clause before the main sentence - A dependent clause that does not change the meaning of the main

statement- Transitional words and phrases

Example Propanol, ethanol, and butanol are all organic alcohols. However, aerosol is not an

organic alcohol. (Or: Aerosol, however, is not an organic alcohol.)

Don’t use commas if:- The flow of the sentence would be interrupted - A clause within a sentence is essential to the meaning

Generally commas are used with the word “which,” but not with “that.”


Punctuation (cont’d)

• Minimize use of weak connectors. If a weak connector still must be used, put a comma before it.

• Place a comma before the “and,” as well as between the items in a series

• Punctuate complex series with semicolons or numerals

• Use quotation marks for all direct quotations, for titles of sections in larger works, and for terms used in a new or unusual way

Ch4

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