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Coward

By Carol Cheng

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About the Author

I am a weirdest girl on this planet. I love to fancy a lot

of things that would definitely not happen in my life.

After you read this story, I guarantee you would know

me so well! Well, let me introduce my story a bit.

Actually, Cloud is a reflection of me. The reason why

I wrote this novel is because my brain is full of Neil

Codling when I was about to compose! In the story

Cloud is afraid of love, so am I in reality! All I want is

to have fun in life and avoid being loved or loving

someone else. Anyway, enjoy the story which is

extremely entertaining and I promise you’re going to

laugh so hard!

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Contents

About the Author-------------------2

Prolog-------------------------------------5

Chapter 1-----------------------------------6

Chapter2------------------------------------11

Chapter3----------------------------------16

Chapter4------------------------------------23

Chapter5----------------------------------26

Epilog--------------------------------------34

Words checked: 3028

Words in Oxford 3000™: 94%

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Coward

By Carol Cheng

E4B 1097300066

2012.06.10

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Prolog

Being a single-mother isn't easy for me; however, I

am glad I have my little baby, Timmy. I fancy his

father even though he probably will never know that I

am madly into him.

Who am I? I'm a big fan of him, nothing special.

Then who is Timmy's father? He is a keyboardist for

the band ‘Suede’. I do not regret the one-night stand

with him although I don’t remember the details of the

night, but it is how I got my baby Timmy.

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1

In 1995, I worked in a bar where he always went, and

we started to get familiar with each other. I wasn't a

fan of Suede until he was added to the band in 1996.

He lived near the bar in his apartment which I had

once visited; I remember that it was neat. After having

known each other for a while, he invited me to a party

he was hosting.

That party was filled with many celebrities, which

made me feel small and insignificant in comparison.

But, I was still excited about seeing Brett Anderson,

the lead vocalist of Suede. His androgynous style and

unique vocals attracted me a lot.

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They were celebrating their latest album, 'Coming

Up', which was listed as one of the ten greatest

albums of the year, 1996. I was especially amazed by

the track, ‘The Beautiful Ones’. The lead vocalist

wrote the song to his friend who wallowed in sex and

drugs, then died at 22. However, to Brett, his friend

still was a beautiful person.

“You seem bored.” said Neil, the keyboardist.

“You overthink! I am happy to be here since I see a

lot of hot guys here.”

“I am also glad that you invited me here.” I thought to

myself.

It did mean a lot to me when he invited me, but I was

too shy to mention it.

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“So, why are you here with me? Shouldn't you be

socializing with your other guests? ”

“Oh!” proclaimed Neil

“My dear Cloud, are you trying to get rid of me?” said

Neil and gave me a sad face.

He probably had no idea how cute his sad face looked.

When I saw his lovely face, I completely lost my

mind.

I could feel my face turning reddish.

“Well, silly you! I want to go to the balcony to have

some fresh air.” Said I and then ran to the balcony as

quickly as possible. Hoping he wouldn't notice me

blushing.

Soon after, he went there as well and started to smoke.

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“Hello again!” said Neil

I pouted and looked at him thinking that he must be

doing it on purpose! Smoking in front of me was

totally a seduction.

He was way too sexy when he smoked.

I let out a quiet “Sigh”

“What’s wrong?” asked Neil.

“....................” I didn't want to say anything and I left

his apartment.

“Neil, are you into her or something......?”Asked

Simon, the drummer in the band and Cloud’s cousin

as well.

“Secret!” Neil smiled.

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He sat on the comfortable chair on his balcony and

pondered. He remembered the first time when he saw

her. She was always cool, and not easy to approach.

But once he got to know her, he knew she was a

clumsy and funny girl who had a wild imagination

and got a cute chubby face. He didn't know if she was

ever into him, but surely he had a feeling for her.

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2

I worked at my cousin’s bar as a bartender. It was a

fun job as I was able to meet and chat with many

different people.

My cousin was the drummer in the band as well. He

was too busy to take care of the bar, so basically I was

like the owner of it. I had to manage everything since

the real owner was occupied by the band.

The weather was classic British, wet and cold.

Soon it was going to turn 1997. Neil hadn't shown up

four days after the party. I knew I was crazy about

him, but I also knew he and I wouldn't have a happy

ending. Life was not a fairy tale. After all, I was just

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an ordinary girl, and I didn't think I could possibly

deserve a famous boyfriend like him.

I smiled impassively.

“What’s happened? Why are you not in the mood?”

said Neil.

I had no idea when he walked into the bar “Why and

when did you get here?” I was shook by him suddenly

showing up.

“I have been sitting here for ten minutes, and I am not

surprised you didn't notice me at all since you clearly

had your mind somewhere else” Neil smiled to me.

“Well, I am just tired and feel like going home early,”

I replied “And please bring Simon back, seriously!

This is not my bar! ” I complained.

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“Well, you should give yourself a vacation!” Said

Neil with a grin on his face.

“I wish! And by the way, why are you here? I thought

you had a concert in London now.”

“Oh! Babe, I am touched. It seems that you pay

attention to me after all.”

“Please don't forget Simon is my cousin, I know his

agenda.” and that's the way to know yours too.

“Anyway, you want to go Denmark with me?” asked

Neil.

“Why do you ask me, no one want to go with you?” I

could feel my heart beating fast....

“Yes or no? ”

“No, I don´t have time.”

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“Please! ”

“Why?”

“Because... you need a vacation.”

“I can't, who will take care of the bar if I go with you?

You can't find anyone else to go with you? ”

“ …..... ”

“I can't go with you because you are too famous.

Paparazzi will follow you no matter where you go. ”

“I don't care.”

“You should ask my boss whether I can go or not.”

He made a call to Simon, luckily he agreed!

“Only you and I?”

“Yup!”

I stared to regret it now.

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“Why? Darn it, I don't think it's a good idea! ”

“Well, you are useful you know, you can make

cocktail for me while we are on vacation. And you

should have a vacation as well! ”He tried to convince

me.

Of course, I was excited and nervous. But I still had

no idea why he asked me out of everyone to go with

him. Could it be that he's into me? Once this thought

popped up, I immediately overruled it. It couldn't be

possible, that someone like him would be into me.

I was way too ordinary, too normal for him. I wasn't

self-abased. I just knew myself too well.

“Fine then, when will we go?” I asked.

“This Sunday, we gonna stay there for two weeks.”

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3

Later that night, I started to pack. I couldn't describe

my feeling, but one thing for sure was I was looking

forward to it.

*********

Meanwhile, Simon called Neil

“Seriously though, would you mind telling me why

you ask my cousin out for vacation? ”

“Well, why not?”

“Dude, admit you like her.”

“Probably, well, it's late now. I gotta go to bed. See

ya. ” Neil hung up the call.

He questioned himself and he knew he did like her,

but was there anything more than that?

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He didn't know why he asked her to go to Denmark.

He just wanted to spend some time having fun with

her.

He was a quiet guy but he always found it surprisingly

easy to talk to her. He found out recently he thought

about her more and more. That was insane!

Two days later, they met at the airport and went to

Denmark to have their vacation. No one knew what

would happen, that something explosive was going to

change their relationship.

*********

Ones we arrived, some fans immediately recognized

him. They screamed and tried to approach him.

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“Let’s run!” shouted Neil as he grabbed my hand and

started to run.

We tried to escape from the crowd which made me

realize we really lived in different worlds. I

understood he would never belong to me.

“Sorry, I didn't know it would be like that.” said Neil

“It doesn't matter.” replied unhappily.

“Hey, cheer up! You’re not happy to hang around

with me?”

“Yes, yes I am. Well, you know it's just not

appropriate to go out with you.”

“Come on, you are my friend, and you’re like my

family as well.”

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Ah, I was just a friend to him anyway. Maybe I

shouldn't have gone out with him. The more I got to

know him, the more I fell for him. Reality wasn't a

fairy tale. I would never have an opportunity to make

my dream come true.

But at least I still could have fun with him for two

weeks.

We traveled the major cities, countryside’s,

everywhere!

We were just like a sweet couple, however we

weren't! Everywhere we went there were always lots

of young girls who were crazy about him just like me.

I wish I could just be like those young girls who had

the courage to tell him their feeling. Unlike me, I

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chose to hide it. I thought once I told him, it wouldn't

be possible to be friend with him.

On the tenth day of the trip, we went to LEGO land. I

found out he and I had something in common. We

both liked to build things. Later that night, we went

back to the hotel, we stayed at his room building with

LEGO. We were somehow childish.

I drank much and sooner I stopped building and

started complaining about him since I wasn't aware I

was drunk.

“You know what? I’ve fancied you for years.... I love

you” I whispered.

“................”

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“Yup, I knew it! Silence! That's the only way you

could reply me. But you know what? I am not

surprised at all. You'd never know how I feel, you'd

never care. Someone like you would never know how

much I’ve fallen for you. ”

I started to cry. “It has to be a secret, or else I would

never have a chance to be your friend. If I told you I

love you, you probably would not treat me as your

friend. I would just be like your ordinary fan, nothing

special. ”

“You’re such a weird girl.” Neil laughed.

He started to kiss me and I couldn’t remember

anything that happened later on.

*********

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The next morning I found out something horrible

happened. Something shouldn’t have happened.

I woke up and packed quickly. Somehow I felt

panicked and just wanted to hide from everything and

everyone.

I assumed it wouldn't mean anything to him. Soon I

went to the airport and left. I even moved to another

place to start my new life since it would be awkward

for me to see him around.

But I found out I was pregnant after moving to the

tiny town. I didn't regret anything that happened

between him and me. I had no memory for that night

after all.

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4

Life must go on. It has been five years now. I haven't

kept contact with my cousin or anyone except my

parents.

It isn't easy to bring up a child as a single-mother. But

the child brightens my life. He takes after Neil’s

bright brown eyes which remind me of his father all

the time.

*********

It has been five years since he saw her last time. She

just disappeared with no reason. He has missed her a

lot. Every single night she appeared in his dream,

however, the next morning she distempered just like

that morning she was gone when he woke up. He has

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tried to look for her for years. They both strongly fell

for each other. They appealed each other. Until now

he still has a strong feeling for her. After the trip to

Denmark, he has realized he was attracted by her. He

loves her. Everything! He had no idea why she

suddenly was gone from his life.

“Sigh”

“You’re still thinking about her, huh?” Simon asked.

“You really don't have any information about her?”

“Dude, I would tell you if I did!”

“I have been looking for her for years!”

“That’s fate.”

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“Cheer up, man. Tomorrow we’re going to have a

concert in Cotswold. Don't drink too much tonight!”

Brett reminds.

He has been drinking heavily every night since she

disappeared. He just hopes he is able to meet her

again.

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5

I still notice his news all the time. I just can't take my

eyes off him when he appears on TV. Tomorrow they

are going to have a concert here. I finally decided to

go. I can't resist his charm. He has become mature. I

am not sure if he still remembers me or not. I only

know I have missed him a lot.

**********

I am excited about going to the concert. I bought a

floor section ticket which would be close to the stage.

The concert takes place on time. The moment when

our eyes meet is thrilling. I am not sure if he

recognizes me or not, but I am sure, I almost can't

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breathe. I hate crying but I can't help since I just

realize how much I miss him.

Soon after I’ve got control of myself and started to

enjoy their music. I jump and sing along with the rest

of the crowd.

As the concert is about to end, Neil starts to talk

“Recently some tabloids have been writing about me

being gay as they never see me hanging out with girls,

but I want to clarify that I am not. And the reason I

haven’t hung out with girls, is only because my heart

belongs to a girl who with no reason ran away from

me. She’s fun-loving and spontaneous, which attracts

me a lot. She has been gone for five years, but tonight

I finally saw her appear in the crowd, Cloud. ”

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After hearing what he has said, I feel strained and

tried to leave.

“Now she is trying to escape again....this time I won’t

let you.”

It was unbelievable for him to see her here. Thanks to

Fate which lead him to see her again. He is too

excited and he will not lose her again.

*******************

I am trying my best to get out of here, but he catches

up.

“Why? Why do you try to leave away from me

again?” he asked.

“I’m not the right one for you. I don't deserve you. ”

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“Who said that? Have you been living here for these

years? ”

“My life isn't fairy tale, we won't work out and I'm not

good enough. That's why I moved here five years

ago.”

“Funny! You are such a coward. You are afraid of

something ridiculous. You are unique... you

absolutely are the one.... please don’t ever disappear

from my life again.”

Suddenly, I realize I can't let him know I have his kid,

or he probably is going to kill me for that.

Therefore, I again run away from him. But he doesn't

chase me....

**********************

30/37

Later tonight he visits my apartment, then I

understand why he didn't even try to chase.

“I know you are curious why I know where you live;

well Simon called your parents and told them the

story. Your parents just gave me your address “said

Neil once he gets into my apartment.

I feel worried and I can't let him get inside.

“Do not go into my place, get out!”

“Why? I just want to talk to you. ”

“We have nothing to talk about, just please don’t get

inside.” or else you will see my son.

“You seem afraid of me going inside, why? Are you

hiding some guy? ” Asked Neil. He never thought

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about she would have a boyfriend or something. He

feels jealous.

“Yes, I am. So just leave!”

He grabs her arms and asks her “You are not single?

A child is walking out from his room and saying

“Hey! Mummy, why are you arguing?”

“Mummy? You have a child already?”

“I know you. Mummy always looks at your photos.

She told me she loves you so much.” said Timmy.

“So won't your father feel mad?”

“I don't have father, mummy said my father was

gone.”

He looks at the child and discovered they look alike.

He knows the child probably is his.

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“You know what? You are a big liar. How can you

leave me and bring up our kid by your own?” asked

Neil.

“He is not your kid.”

“I can't believe you're still trying to lie.”

“ …....... ”

“Mummy, is he my daddy?”

“Yes, I am” replied Neil

“Yeah! I have one now, or else Eric always laughed at

me”

“Because of you, my kid is mocked. Seriously I would

love to kill you.”

“ …........... ”

I have nothing else to say.

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“Can we live together? My friend told me their

mummy and daddy live together. ” asked Timmy.

“No!”

“Yes!”

We answer at the same time, he glares at me.

“You would never have a chance to leave me again,

and I would never let you go. I love you deeply and

will never change. Stop worrying about something

silly. ”

“............................”

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Epilog

It has been another two years now. He is still a

keyboardist and I am working as a bartender again.

And I become more confident and courageous. I am

not stubborn anymore.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Neil.

I am drinking coffee at the balcony in his apartment.

He smokes and looks sexy to me. It’s like he is

casting a spell over me.

“Thinking about you, Thank you to fright for us.

Thank you for searching for me when I was being a

coward.”

“Silly you, I only fight for someone who is worth

fighting for.”

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“Gosh! Don't make me crazy about you more and

more!”

“Impossible! Tell you what; I have been working on

seducing you since I met you.”

“It works pretty well on me” I smiled to him.

We cuddle up to each other.

I wouldn't regret that I once escaped from him at least

it made me sure that he truly loves me. Well, I guess

if two people are meant to be together, eventually

they’ll find their way back, right?

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Reference

1. http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=zhTW&tbm=isch&tbnid=mr2GWb4jiHgrvM:&img

refurl=http://www.badgerflats.com/blog/2011/10/occupy-merced-county-thats-

redundant-were-already-occupied-by-a-corrupt-government-and-newspaper-covering-

up-for-them/coward/&docid=lnY-

KMzSAuNnbM&imgurl=http://www.badgerflats.com/blog/wp-

content/uploads/2011/10/coward.jpg&w=360&h=504&ei=oFfXT-

CpEYX_mAWy7OGLAw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=271&sig=11522357221709325395

4&page=1&tbnh=134&tbnw=91&start=0&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:77&tx=68&t

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TW&sa=X&biw=1024&bih=610&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=7Y2VtTn6S6QLZ

M:&imgrefurl=http://www.sodahead.com/living/how-would-you-define-a-

coward/question-

834243/&docid=HLky_Hk9K4l98M&imgurl=http://images.sodahead.com/polls/00083

4243/polls_141323_Coward5_4502_120032_poll_xlarge.jpeg&w=252&h=350&ei=c1f

XT6HwOsWfmQXIxvWYAw&zoom=1

3. http://media.photobucket.com/image/recent/Cupiditas/Amor/th_196e47ac.jpg

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Synopsis

Why did she run away from me?

What?!

She and I have a kid?!

Why does she not know that I want to be with her?

I will never let her escape from me again.

And this time I am going to take her back being with

me forever!

Cloud, I am going to let you know that I love you.