Can't Stop Laughing
Transcript of Can't Stop Laughing
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JAMAICAN JOKES ENT.
Cant stop laughingYuh a go dead wid laugh!
By: Christine H. Christine
Jamaican Jokes
This is just a few jokes to keep you laughing . It is said that laughter is good medicine, so after reading
these jokesyuh a go dead wid laugh! Some content are for adults only, so use discretion around
children under 18 years of age.
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Table of contents
Chapter 1 . Accident Report
Chapter 2 . Big Shot Jamaican
Chapter 3 . Dig up the Garden
Chapter 4 . Dulcie in Court
Chapter 5 . Dwight Nelson
Chapter 6 . Aliens in Jamaica
Chapter 7 . Jamaican Child Letter to Santa
Chapter 8 . Jamaican Comedy Videos & Books
Dont forget your Jamaican CookBooks
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Taste-Jamaica-Rev-Ed/dp/1894020863/?tag=crs0a-20
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Taste-Jamaica-Rev-Ed/dp/1894020863/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Real-Taste-Jamaica-Rev-Ed/dp/1894020863/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Real-Taste-Jamaica-Rev-Ed/dp/1894020863/?tag=crs0a-20 -
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JAMAICAN JOKES
(KMR) Kiss Mi R. Dead Wid Laugh!!
Accident Report
A Lady was travelling along Caledonia road in Mandeville, when she was involved in a traffic
accident with a man who was driving a car. They both agreed to go to a nearby police station to
make a report.
Here's the dialogue of her conversation with the police officer on duty:
Lady: Mawning offica
Officer: Mawning Maam
Lady: I'm here to report an accident
Officer: Go ahead Maam
Lady: Offica, mi seh mi a cum enuh, and when mi realise the man a cum too, mi start blow the
man, and all di blow mi a blow the man, him still cum inna mi.
Officer: Lady it look like a sex argument yuh a talk bout.
Lady: No offica, but look how the man mash up the whole a mi front.
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Big Shot Jamaican
Joe grew up in Jamaica, then moved away to attend college and law school.
He decided to come back to Jamaica because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really
wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened
his new law office in New Kingston.
The first day, he saw a man coming up the passageway. He decided to make a big impression on
this potential client when he arrived. As the man came to the door Joe picked up the phone. Hemotioned the man in, all the while talking. "No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New
York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes, the Appeals Court has agreed to
hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my
team will provide support. Okay, tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the
details."
The "conversation" went on for almost five minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe
rattled off instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man, "I'm sorry for
the delay but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from
Cable & Wireless, the telephone company, I come to hook up your phone."
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Dig Up The Garden
An old man lived alone in St. Mary, Jamaica. He wanted to plough his field to plant potatoes,
but it was very hard work, and he was unable to do it alone. His only son, who would have
helped him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this
reply, "Papa, beg yu nuh dig up the garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning police and soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden,
without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking
him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant yu potatoes, Papa. Is the best I could do at
this time."
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Dulcie In Court
Late ketch Dulcie, suh she decide fi tek a short cut. As she a mek har way through di bush, two
man ole har dung an rape har. She report it to di police, who ketch di man dem afta couple a
days. When di case reach a court, Dulcie had to tek di witness stand.
Here's a bit of the court transcript ...
Clerk of the Court: Miss Black (Dulcie), please describe to the court what happened on the night
in question.
Dulcie: Well sah, as a was mekkin mi way through di bush, dem two man deh just jump out pan
mi, hol mi dung, tear aff mi draws and push dem c*cky inna mi p*ssy!
Judge: Please, please, please, please, Please. Miss, could you please be kind enough to use the
proper names for the body parts in question!
Dulcie: Wah yuh mean sah?
Judge: Please say he pushed his penis into your vagina.
Dulcie: OK sah.
Clerk of the court: Please continue Miss Black.
Dulcie: As a wuz sayin, dem ole mi dung and push dem, ahm ... excuse mi sah, a wah yuh seh a
di nickname fi c*cky an' p*ssy is again?
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Dwight Nelson - I CAN'T RECALL -
Jamaica's Minister of National Security, Senator Dwight Nelson, occupied the witness stand for
several days at the Manatt/Dudus Enquiry. During numerous exchanges, lawyers for the
People's National Party who attempted to question him, found that his standard answer to
most of their probing questions was the now infamous line, "I CAN'T RECALL". Apparently
Minister Nelson couldn't remember much of the details of just about anything!
Picture Disclaimer
The pictures here are intended solely for entertainment purposes and simply meant to help
bring humor and entertainment to Jamaicans and fans of Jamaica all over the World.
Ultimately, we mean no disrespect or mis-intent to any one individual or group of individuals.
We believe that the picture featured here is not subject to copyright, however if an individual or
company has a specific claim as the creator or owner of this item, please inform us and we will
have it removed immediately.
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Aliens In Jamaica
There was this couple sitting on the porch in Westmoreland, Jamaica watching the sun go
down. All of a sudden this shooting light went across the sunset.
Wife: "A wha dat?"
Husband: "A mus' one space ship."
Wife: "Spaceship???? You damn Eeediat!!"
A little while later the couple went back into the house. Suddenly there was a knock on the
door and the husband opened it. There was an alien couple on the doorstep.
Alien Male: "Good evening, we come in peace. May we rest in your dwelling while our space
ship is fixed?" The husband's eyes almost popped out of his head because the female alien had
a WICKED body.
Husband: "Come een, come een. Of course you can come an' res' yuhself." So the husband and
wife fed and watered their guests and showed them to their room for the night.
Male Alien: "Where we come from it is our tradition to swop partners when we have guests."
Well, the husband was up to it, because the female alien was seriously turning him on with her
looks.
Husband: "Well, dats alright with me."
Wife: "Oh, I don't know, because I don't really believe in dat kind of t'ing."
Husband: "Come on honey, is only a lickle bit of fun, an nobody nuh gwine know."
Wife: "Well, OK then."
The male alien takes the wife into his room, and, knowing that she wasn't 100% comfortable
with the idea, he was very gentle and gave her plenty foreplay. When they got into the swing of
things the male alien asked, "would you like a bit more length?"
Wife: "Likkle more length,? hee! hee!, a wha yuh mean? How you gwine do dat?"
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So the alien twists his right ear, and presto!, his willy gets longer. Well the wife was having a
whale of a time when the Alien asked, "would you like a bit more width?"
Wife: "Width! Well, OK then."
So the alien twists his left ear, and presto!, his willy gets fatter.
The following morning the wife wakes up with the biggest smile you can imagine on her face
and walks into the living room to find her husband looking vex sitting on the sofa.
Wife: "Hello darling, did you have a good night last night?"
Husband: "Stuups ..... No! All night long di damn woman just deh deh a twis up, twis up mi rassears dem".
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Jamaican Child Letter to Santa
Dear: Santa,
I know u probably wonderin why I writin yuh one day after Christmas, but afta openin mi
presents dem mi did haffi write yuh.
Santa mi was a very good girl, mi listen to mi mada and help har out. Santa mi study real hard
inna School, hard till mi all come fuss inna mi class.
Mi mek it mi duty fi be Nice and not to be Naughty Santa.
Santa when mi write mi Christmas list dis year, mi ask yuh fi a Barbie Princess Doll, ah Dora Di
Explora TV, an a Cabbage Patch. So Santa, How di BLOODLCOT afta readin di list, yuh left mi a
Fuccin light up YoYo, one plastic Tea Cup Set, and a Rass no name dolly wah look like she have
Polio an a dead from Marli Gripe.
Iz Edda yuh blind ar yuh cyann BLOODCLOT Si !..
YUH Si ALL NEXT YEAR, NUH BADDA TRY SQUEEZE YUH BIG FAT DUTTY RASS TRU MI CHIMNI !!!
Dont forget to pick-up these great Jamaican items from
Amazon
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Get some of the best Jamaican comedy videos below
http://www.amazon.com/Bashment-Granny-Garfield-Reid/dp/B001KGDNLQ/?tag=crs0a-20
http://www.amazon.com/MAN-THIEF-VARIOUS/dp/B002HXVT6M/?tag=crs0a-20
http://www.amazon.com/Soh-Wi-Joelle-Cohen-Wright/dp/0982998406/?tag=crs0a-20
http://www.amazon.com/Bashment-Granny-Garfield-Reid/dp/B001KGDNLQ/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Bashment-Granny-Garfield-Reid/dp/B001KGDNLQ/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/MAN-THIEF-VARIOUS/dp/B002HXVT6M/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/MAN-THIEF-VARIOUS/dp/B002HXVT6M/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Soh-Wi-Joelle-Cohen-Wright/dp/0982998406/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Soh-Wi-Joelle-Cohen-Wright/dp/0982998406/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Soh-Wi-Joelle-Cohen-Wright/dp/0982998406/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/MAN-THIEF-VARIOUS/dp/B002HXVT6M/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/Bashment-Granny-Garfield-Reid/dp/B001KGDNLQ/?tag=crs0a-20 -
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Movie Videos
http://www.amazon.com/One-Love-Ky-Mani-Marley/dp/B000WFGQIS/?tag=crs0a-20
http://www.amazon.com/COP-BADMAN-VARIOUS/dp/B004HHJ3BO/?tag=crs0a-20
We Thank you for reading our pdf and for sharing with ohthers
Feel Free To Share With All Your Family And Friends on FaceBook and Twitter
GOD Bless!
http://www.amazon.com/One-Love-Ky-Mani-Marley/dp/B000WFGQIS/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/One-Love-Ky-Mani-Marley/dp/B000WFGQIS/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/COP-BADMAN-VARIOUS/dp/B004HHJ3BO/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/COP-BADMAN-VARIOUS/dp/B004HHJ3BO/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/COP-BADMAN-VARIOUS/dp/B004HHJ3BO/?tag=crs0a-20http://www.amazon.com/One-Love-Ky-Mani-Marley/dp/B000WFGQIS/?tag=crs0a-20 -
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See YouTude video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCoCxlUc664
Thank You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCoCxlUc664http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCoCxlUc664http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCoCxlUc664