CANDIDA BERNARDSHAW1898ACTIAfineOctobermorninginthenortheastsuburbsofLondon,a vastdistrictmanymilesawayfromtheLondonofMayfairandSt. James's,muchlessknowntherethantheParisoftheRuede RivoliandtheChampsElysees,andmuchlessnarrow,squalid, fetidandairlessinitsslums;strongincomfortable,prosperous middleclasslife;wide-streeted,myriad-populated;well-served withuglyironurinals,Radicalclubs,tramlines,anda perpetualstreamofyellowcars;enjoyinginitsmain thoroughfarestheluxuryofgrass-grown"frontgardens," untroddenbythefootofmansaveastothepathfromthegateto thehalldoor;butblightedbyanintolerablemonotonyofmiles andmilesofgraceless,characterlessbrickhouses,blackiron railings,stonypavements,slatyroofs,andrespectablyill dressedordisreputablypoorlydressedpeople,quiteaccustomed totheplace,andmostlyploddingaboutsomebodyelse'swork, whichtheywouldnotdoiftheythemselvescouldhelpit.The littleenergyandeagernessthatcropupshowthemselvesin cockneycupidityandbusiness"push."Eventhepolicemenandthe chapelsarenotinfrequentenoughtobreakthemonotony.Thesunisshiningcheerfully;thereisnofog;andthoughthe smokeeffectuallypreventsanything,whetherfacesandhandsor bricksandmortar,fromlookingfreshandclean,itisnot hangingheavilyenoughtotroubleaLondoner.Thisdesertofunattractivenesshasitsoasis.Neartheouterend oftheHackneyRoadisaparkof217acres,fencedin,notby railings,butbyawoodenpaling,andcontainingplentyof greensward,trees,alakeforbathers,flowerbedswiththe flowersarrangedcarefullyinpatternsbytheadmiredcockneyart ofcarpetgardeningandasandpit,importedfromtheseasidefor thedelightofthechildren,butspeedilydesertedonits becominganaturalverminpreserveforallthepettyfaunaof

Kingsland,HackneyandHoxton.Abandstand,anunfinishedforum forreligious,anti-religiousandpoliticalorators,cricket pitches,agymnasium,andanoldfashionedstonekioskareamong itsattractions.Wherevertheprospectisboundedbytreesor risinggreengrounds,itisapleasantplace.Wheretheground stretchesfartothegreypalings,withbricksandmortar,sky signs,crowdedchimneysandsmokebeyond,theprospectmakesit desolateandsordid.ThebestviewofVictoriaParkisfromthefrontwindowofSt. Dominic'sParsonage,fromwhichnotasinglechimneyisvisible. Theparsonageisasemi-detachedvillawithafrontgardenanda porch.Visitorsgouptheflightofstepstotheporch: tradespeopleandmembersofthefamilygodownbyadoorunder thestepstothebasement,withabreakfastroom,usedforall meals,infront,andthekitchenattheback.Upstairs,onthe levelofthehalldoor,isthedrawing-room,withitslargeplate glasswindowlookingonthepark.Inthisroom,theonly sitting-roomthatcanbesparedfromthechildrenandthefamily meals,theparson,theReverendJamesMavorMorelldoeshiswork. Heissittinginastrongroundbackedrevolvingchairatthe righthandendofalongtable,whichstandsacrossthewindow, sothathecancheerhimselfwiththeviewoftheparkathis elbow.Attheoppositeendofthetable,adjoiningit,isa littletable;onlyhalfthewidthoftheother,withatypewriter onit.Histypistissittingatthismachine,withherbackto thewindow.Thelargetableislitteredwithpamphlets,journals, letters,nestsofdrawers,anofficediary,postagescalesand thelike.Asparechairforvisitorshavingbusinesswiththe parsonisinthemiddle,turnedtohisend.Withinreachofhis handisastationerycase,andacabinetphotographinaframe. Behindhimtherighthandwall,recessedabovethefireplace,is fittedwithbookshelves,onwhichanadepteyecanmeasurethe parson'sdivinityandcasuistrybyacompletesetofBrowning's poemsandMaurice'sTheologicalEssays,andguessathispolitics fromayellowbackedProgressandPoverty,FabianEssays,aDream ofJohnBall,Marx'sCapital,andhalfadozenotherliterary landmarksinSocialism.Oppositehimontheleft,nearthe typewriter,isthedoor.Furtherdowntheroom,oppositethe fireplace,abookcasestandsonacellaret,withasofanearit. Thereisagenerousfireburning;andthehearth,witha

comfortablearmchairandajapannedflowerpaintedcoalscuttle atoneside,aminiaturechairforaboyorgirlontheother,a nicelyvarnishedwoodenmantelpiece,withneatlymouldedshelves, tinybitsofmirrorletintothepanels,andatravellingclock inaleathercase(theinevitableweddingpresent),andonthe wallabovealargeautotypeofthechieffigureinTitian's VirginoftheAssumption,isveryinviting.Altogethertheroom istheroomofagoodhousekeeper,vanquished,asfarasthe tableisconcerned,byanuntidyman,butelsewheremistressof thesituation.Thefurniture,initsornamentalaspect,betrays thestyleoftheadvertised"drawing-roomsuite"ofthepushing suburbanfurnituredealer;butthereisnothinguselessor pretentiousintheroom.Thepaperandpanellingaredark, throwingthebigcheerywindowandtheparkoutsideintostrong relief.TheReverendJamesMavorMorellisaChristianSocialist clergymanoftheChurchofEngland,andanactivememberofthe GuildofSt.MatthewandtheChristianSocialUnion.Avigorous, genial,popularmanofforty,robustandgoodlooking,fullof energy,withpleasant,hearty,consideratemanners,andasound, unaffectedvoice,whichheuseswiththeclean,athletic articulationofapractisedorator,andwithawiderangeand perfectcommandofexpression.Heisafirstrateclergyman,able tosaywhathelikestowhomhelikes,tolecturepeoplewithout settinghimselfupagainstthem,toimposehisauthorityonthem withouthumiliatingthem,andtointerfereintheirbusiness withoutimpertinence.Hiswell-springofspiritualenthusiasmand sympatheticemotionhasneverrundryforamoment:hestilleats andsleepsheartilyenoughtowinthedailybattlebetween exhaustionandrecuperationtriumphantly.Withal,agreatbaby, pardonablyvainofhispowersandunconsciouslypleasedwith himself.Hehasahealthycomplexion,agoodforehead,withthe browssomewhatblunt,andtheeyesbrightandeager,amouth resolute,butnotparticularlywellcut,andasubstantialnose, withthemobile,spreadingnostrilsofthedramaticorator,but, likeallhisfeatures,voidofsubtlety.Thetypist,MissProserpineGarnett,isabrisklittlewomanof about30,ofthelowermiddleclass,neatlybutcheaplydressed inablackmerinoskirtandablouse,ratherpertandquickof speech,andnotverycivilinhermanner,butsensitiveand

affectionate.Sheisclatteringawaybusilyathermachinewhilst Morellopensthelastofhismorning'sletters.Herealizesits contentswithacomicgroanofdespair.PROSERPINE.Anotherlecture?MORELL.Yes.TheHoxtonFreedomGroupwantmetoaddressthemon Sundaymorning(greatemphasison"Sunday,"thisbeingthe unreasonablepartofthebusiness).Whatarethey?PROSERPINE.CommunistAnarchists,Ithink.MORELL.JustlikeAnarchistsnottoknowthattheycan'thavea parsononSunday!Tellthemtocometochurchiftheywantto hearme:itwilldothemgood.SayIcanonlycomeonMondaysand Thursdays.Haveyouthediarythere?PROSERPINE(takingupthediary).Yes.MORELL.HaveIanylectureonfornextMonday? PROSERPINE(referringtodiary).TowerHamletsRadicalClub.MORELL.Well,Thursdaythen?PROSERPINE.EnglishLandRestorationLeague. MORELL.Whatnext?PROSERPINE.GuildofSt.MatthewonMonday.IndependentLabor Party,GreenwichBranch,onThursday.Monday,Social-Democratic Federation,MileEndBranch.Thursday,firstConfirmationclass--(Impatiently).Oh,I'dbettertellthemyoucan'tcome.They're onlyhalfadozenignorantandconceitedcostermongerswithout fiveshillingsbetweenthem.MORELL(amused).Ah;butyouseethey'renearrelativesofmine, MissGarnett.PROSERPINE(staringathim).RelativesofYOURS! MORELL.Yes:wehavethesamefather--inHeaven. PROSERPINE(relieved).Oh,isthatall?

MORELL(withasadnesswhichisaluxurytoamanwhosevoice expressesitsofinely).Ah,youdon'tbelieveit.Everybodysays it:nobodybelievesit--nobody.(Briskly,gettingbackto business.)Well,well!Come,MissProserpine,can'tyoufinda dateforthecosters?Whataboutthe25th?:thatwasvacantthe daybeforeyesterday.PROSERPINE(referringtodiary).Engaged--theFabianSociety.MORELL.BothertheFabianSociety!Isthe28thgonetoo?PROSERPINE.Citydinner.You'reinvitedtodinewiththe Founder'sCompany.MORELL.That'lldo;I'llgototheHoxtonGroupofFreedom instead.(Sheenterstheengagementinsilence,withimplacable disparagementoftheHoxtonAnarchistsineverylineofherface. MorellburstsopenthecoverofacopyofTheChurchReformer, whichhascomebypost,andglancesthroughMr.StewartHendlam's leaderandtheGuildofSt.Matthewnews.Theseproceedingsare presentlyenlivenedbytheappearanceofMorell'scurate,the ReverendAlexanderMill,ayounggentlemangatheredbyMorell fromthenearestUniversitysettlement,whitherhehadcomefrom OxfordtogivetheeastendofLondonthebenefitofhis universitytraining.Heisaconceitedlywellintentioned, enthusiastic,immatureperson,withnothingpositivelyunbearable abouthimexceptahabitofspeakingwithhislipscarefully closedforhalfaninchfromeachcorner,afinicking arthulation,andasetofhorriblycorruptvowels,notablyowfor o,thisbeinghischiefmeansofbringingOxfordrefinementtobearonHackneyvulgarity.Morell,whomhehaswonoverbya doglikedevotion,looksupindulgentlyfromTheChurchReformer asheenters,andremarks)Well,Lexy!Lateagain,asusual.LEXY.I'mafraidso.IwishIcouldgetupinthemorning.MORELL(exultinginhisownenergy).Ha!ha!(Whimsically.)Watch andpray,Lexy:watchandpray.LEXY.Iknow.(Risingwittilytotheoccasion.)ButhowcanI watchandpraywhenIamasleep?Isn'tthatso,MissProssy?

PROSERPINE(sharply).MissGarnett,ifyouplease. LEXY.Ibegyourpardon--MissGarnett. PROSERPINE.You'vegottodoalltheworkto-day. LEXY.Why?PROSERPINE.Nevermindwhy.Itwilldoyougoodtoearnyour supperbeforeyoueatit,foronceinaway,asIdo.Come:don't dawdle.Youshouldhavebeenoffonyourroundshalfanhourago.LEXY(perplexed).Issheinearnest,Morell?MORELL(inthehighestspirits--hiseyesdancing).Yes._I_am goingtodawdleto-day.LEXY.You!Youdon'tknowhow.MORELL(heartily).Ha!ha!Don'tI?I'mgoingtohavethisday alltomyself--oratleasttheforenoon.Mywife'scomingback: she'sduehereat11.45.LEXY(surprised).Comingbackalready--withthechildren?I thoughttheyweretostaytotheendofthemonth. MORELL.Sotheyare:she'sonlycomingupfortwodays,toget someflannelthingsforJimmy,andtoseehowwe'regettingon withouther.LEXY(anxiously).But,mydearMorell,ifwhatJimmyandFluffy hadwasscarlatina,doyouthinkitwise--MORELL.Scarlatina!--rubbish,Germanmeasles.Ibroughtitinto thehousemyselffromthePycroftStreetSchool.Aparsonislike adoctor,myboy:hemustfaceinfectionasasoldiermustface bullets.(HerisesandclapsLexyontheshoulder.)Catchthe measlesifyoucan,Lexy:she'llnurseyou;andwhatapieceof luckthatwillbeforyou!--eh?LEXY(smilinguneasily).It'ssohardtounderstandyouabout Mrs.Morell--

MORELL(tenderly).Ah,myboy,getmarried--getmarriedtoagood woman;andthenyou'llunderstand.That'saforetasteofwhat willbebestintheKingdomofHeavenwearetryingtoestablish onearth.Thatwillcureyouofdawdling.Anhonestmanfeels thathemustpayHeavenforeveryhourofhappinesswithagood spellofhard,unselfishworktomakeothershappy.Wehaveno morerighttoconsumehappinesswithoutproducingitthanto consumewealthwithoutproducingit.GetawifelikemyCandida; andyou'llalwaysbeinarrearwithyourrepayment.(HepatsLexy affectionatelyontheback,andisleavingtheroomwhenLexy callstohim.)LEXY.Oh,waitabit:Iforgot.(Morellhaltsandturnswiththe doorknobinhishand.)Yourfather-in-lawiscomingroundtosee you.(Morellshutsthedooragain,withacompletechangeof manner.)MORELL(surprisedandnotpleased).Mr.Burgess?LEXY.Yes.Ipassedhiminthepark,arguingwithsomebody.He gavemegooddayandaskedmetoletyouknowthathewascoming.MORELL(halfincredulous).Buthehasn'tcalledherefor--Imay almostsayforyears.Areyousure,Lexy?You'renotjoking,are you?LEXY(earnestly).No,sir,really.MORELL(thoughtfully).Hm!Timeforhimtotakeanotherlookat Candidabeforeshegrowsoutofhisknowledge.(Heresigns himselftotheinevitable,andgoesout.Lexylooksafterhim withbeaming,foolishworship.)LEXY.Whatagoodman!Whatathorough,lovingsoulheis!(HetakesMorell'splaceatthetable,makinghimselfvery comfortableashetakesoutacigaret.)PROSERPINE(impatiently,pullingthelettershehasbeenworking atoffthetypewriterandfoldingit.)Oh,amanoughttobeable tobefondofhiswifewithoutmakingafoolofhimselfabout her.LEXY(shocked).Oh,MissProssy!

PROSERPINE(risingbusilyandcomingtothestationerycaseto getanenvelope,inwhichsheenclosestheletterasshespeaks). Candidahere,andCandidathere,andCandidaeverywhere!(She lickstheenvelope.)It'senoughtodriveanyoneoutoftheir SENSES(thumpingtheenvelopetomakeitstick)toheara perfectlycommonplacewomanravedaboutinthatabsurdmanner merelybecauseshe'sgotgoodhair,andatolerablefigure.LEXY(withreproachfulgravity).Ithinkherextremelybeautiful, MissGarnett.(Hetakesthephotographup;looksatit;andadds, withevengreaterimpressiveness)EXTREMELYbeautiful.Howfine hereyesare!PROSERPINE.Hereyesarenotabitbetterthanmine--now!(He putsdownthephotographandstaresausterelyather.)Andyou knowverywellthatyouthinkmedowdyandsecondrateenough.LEXY(risingmajestically).HeavenforbidthatIshouldthinkof anyofGod'screaturesinsuchaway!(Hemovesstifflyawayfrom heracrosstheroomtotheneighbourhoodofthebookcase.)PROSERPINE.Thankyou.That'sveryniceandcomforting.LEXY(saddenedbyherdepravity).Ihadnoideayouhadany feelingagainstMrs.Morell.PROSERPINE(indignantly).Ihavenofeelingagainsther.She's verynice,verygood-hearted:I'mveryfondofherandcan appreciateherrealqualitiesfarbetterthananymancan.(He shakeshisheadsadlyandturnstothebookcase,lookingalong theshelvesforavolume.Shefollowshimwithintense pepperiness.)Youdon'tbelieveme?(Heturnsandfacesher.She pouncesathimwithspitfireenergy.)YouthinkI'mjealous.Oh, whataprofoundknowledgeofthehumanheartyouhave,Mr.Lexy Mill!HowwellyouknowtheweaknessesofWoman,don'tyou?It mustbesonicetobeamanandhaveafinepenetratingintellect insteadofmereemotionslikeus,andtoknowthatthereasonwe don'tshareyouramorousdelusionsisthatwe'realljealousofoneanother!(Sheabandonshimwithatossofhershoulders, andcrossestothefiretowarmherhands.)LEXY.Ah,ifyouwomenonlyhadthesamecluetoMan'sstrength

thatyouhavetohisweakness,MissProssy,therewouldbeno WomanQuestion.PROSERPINE(overhershoulder,asshestoops,holdingherhands totheblaze).WheredidyouhearMorellsaythat?Youdidn't inventityourself:you'renotcleverenough.LEXY.That'squitetrue.Iamnotashamedofowinghimthat,asI owehimsomanyotherspiritualtruths.Hesaiditattheannual conferenceoftheWomen'sLiberalFederation.Allowmetoadd thatthoughtheydidn'tappreciateit,I,amereman,did.(He turnstothebookcaseagain,hopingthatthismayleaveher crushed.)PROSERPINE(puttingherhairstraightatthelittlepanelof mirrorinthemantelpiece).Well,whenyoutalktome,giveme yourownideas,suchastheyare,andnothis.Younevercuta poorerfigurethanwhenyouaretryingtoimitatehim.LEXY(stung).Itrytofollowhisexample,nottoimitatehim.PROSERPINE(comingathimagainonherwaybacktoherwork). Yes,youdo:youIMITATEhim.Whydoyoutuckyourumbrellaunder yourleftarminsteadofcarryingitinyourhandlikeanyone else?Whydoyouwalkwithyourchinstuckoutbeforeyou, hurryingalongwiththateagerlookinyoureyes--you,whonever getupbeforehalfpastnineinthemorning?Whydoyousay "knoaledge"inchurch,thoughyoualwayssay"knolledge"in privateconversation!Bah!doyouthinkIdon'tknow?(Shegoes backtothetypewriter.)Here,comeandsetaboutyourwork: we'vewastedenoughtimeforonemorning.Here'sacopyofthe diaryforto-day.(Shehandshimamemorandum.) LEXY(deeplyoffended).Thankyou.(Hetakesitandstandsatthe tablewithhisbacktoher,readingit.Shebeginstotranscribe hershorthandnotesonthetypewriterwithouttroublingherself abouthisfeelings.Mr.Burgessentersunannounced.Heisaman ofsixty,madecoarseandsordidbythecompulsoryselfishnessof pettycommerce,andlateronsoftenedintosluggishbumptiousness byoverfeedingandcommercialsuccess.Avulgar,ignorant, guzzlingman,offensiveandcontemptuoustopeoplewhoselaboris cheap,respectfultowealthandrank,andquitesincereand

withoutrancourorenvyinbothattitudes.Findinghimwithout talent,theworldhasofferedhimnodecentlypaidworkexcept ignoblework,andhehasbecomeinconsequence,somewhathoggish. Buthehasnosuspicionofthishimself,andhonestlyregardshis commercialprosperityastheinevitableandsociallywholesome triumphoftheability,industry,shrewdnessandexperiencein businessofamanwhoinprivateiseasygoing,affectionateand humorouslyconvivialtoafault.Corporeally,heisapodgyman, withasquare,cleanshavenfaceandasquarebeardunderhis chin;dustcolored,withapatchofgreyinthecentre,andsmall wateryblueeyeswithaplaintivelysentimentalexpression,which hetransferseasilytohisvoicebyhishabitofpompously intoninghissentences.)BURGESS(stoppingonthethreshold,andlookinground).Theytold meMr.Morellwashere.PROSERPINE(rising).He'supstairs.I'llfetchhimforyou.BURGESS(staringboorishlyather).You'renotthesameyoung ladyasusedtotypewriteforhim?PROSERPINE.No.BURGESS(assenting).No:shewasyounger.(MissGarnettstolidly staresathim;thengoesoutwithgreatdignity.Hereceivesthis quiteobtusely,andcrossestothehearth-rug,whereheturnsand spreadshimselfwithhisbacktothefire.)Startin'onyour rounds,Mr.Mill?LEXY(foldinghispaperandpocketingit).Yes:Imustbeoff presently.BURGESS(momentously).Don'tletmedetainyou,Mr.Mill.WhatIcomeaboutisprivatebetweenmeandMr.Morell.LEXY(huffily).Ihavenointentionofintruding,Iamsure,Mr. Burgess.Goodmorning.BURGESS(patronizingly).Oh,goodmorningtoyou.(Morellreturns asLexyismakingforthedoor.)MORELL(toLexy).Offtowork?

LEXY.Yes,sir.MORELL(pattinghimaffectionatelyontheshoulder).Takemysilk handkerchiefandwrapyourthroatup.There'sacoldwind.Away withyou.(Lexybrightensup,andgoesout.)BURGESS.Spoilin'yourcurates,asusu'l,James.Goodmornin'. WhenIpayaman,an''islivin'depen'sonme,Ikeephiminhis place. MORELL(rathershortly).Ialwayskeepmycuratesintheirplaces asmyhelpersandcomrades.Ifyougetasmuchworkoutofyour clerksandwarehousemenasIdooutofmycurates,youmustbe gettingrichprettyfast.Willyoutakeyouroldchair?(Hepointswithcurtauthoritytothearmchairbesidethe fireplace;thentakesthesparechairfromthetableandsits downinfrontofBurgess.)BURGESS(withoutmoving).Justthesameashever,James! MORELL.Whenyoulastcalled--itwasaboutthreeyearsago,I think--yousaidthesamethingalittlemorefrankly.Yourexact wordsthenwere:"Justasbigafoolasever,James?"BURGESS(soothingly).Well,perhapsIdid;but(withconciliatory cheerfulness)Imeantnooffencebyit.Aclergymanisprivileged tobeabitofafool,youknow:it'son'ybecomin'inhis professionthatheshould.Anyhow,Icomehere,nottorakeup holddifferences,buttoletbygonesbebygones.(Suddenly becomingverysolemn,andapproachingMorell.)James:threeyear ago,youdonemeahillturn.Youdonemehoutofacontrac';an' whenIgevyou'arshwordsinmynat'raldisappointment,you turnedmydaughrteragainme.Well,I'vecometoactthepartof aCherischin.(Offeringhishand.)Iforgiveyou,James.MORELL(startingup).Confoundyourimpudence! BURGESS(retreating,withalmostlachrymosedeprecationofthis treatment).Isthatbecomin'languageforaclergyman,James?--

andyousopartic'lar,too?MORELL(hotly).No,sir,itisnotbecominglanguagefora clergyman.Iusedthewrongword.Ishouldhavesaiddamnyour impudence:that'swhatSt.Paul,oranyhonestpriestwouldhave saidtoyou.DoyouthinkIhaveforgottenthattenderofyours forthecontracttosupplyclothingtotheworkhouse? BURGESS(inaparoxysmofpublicspirit).Iactedintheinterest oftheratepayers,James.Itwasthelowesttender:youcan't denythat.MORELL.Yes,thelowest,becauseyoupaidworsewagesthanany otheremployer--starvationwages--aye,worsethanstarvation wages--tothewomenwhomadetheclothing.Yourwageswouldhave driventhemtothestreetstokeepbodyandsoultogether. (Gettingangrierand.angrier.)Thosewomenweremyparishioners. IshamedtheGuardiansoutofacceptingyourtender:Ishamedthe ratepayersoutoflettingthemdoit:Ishamedeverybodybutyou. (Boilingover.)Howdareyou,sir,comehereandoffertoforgive me,andtalkaboutyourdaughter,and--BURGESS.Easy,James,easy,easy.Don'tgithintoaflusterabout nothink.I'vehownedIwaswrong.MORELL(fumingabout).Haveyou?Ididn'thearyou.BURGESS.OfcourseIdid.Ihownitnow.Come:Iharskyour pardonfortheletterIwroteyou.Isthatenough?MORELL(snappinghisfingers).That'snothing.Haveyouraised thewages?BURGESS(triumphantly).Yes. MORELL(stoppingdead).What!BURGESS(unctuously).I'veturnedamoddlehemployer.Idon't hemploynowomennow:they'reallsacked;andtheworkisdoneby machinery.Notaman'aslessthansixpenceahour;andthe skilled'andsgitstheTradeUnionrate.(Proudly.)What'aveyou tosaytomenow?

MORELL(overwhelmed).Isitpossible!Well,there'smorejoyin heavenoveronesinnerthatrepenteth--(GoingtoBurgesswithan explosionofapologeticcordiality.)MydearBurgess,Imost heartilybegyourpardonformyhardthoughtsofyou.(Graspshis hand.)Andnow,don'tyoufeelthebetterforthechange?Come, confess,you'rehappier.Youlookhappier.BURGESS(ruefully).Well,p'rapsIdo.Is'poseImust,sinceyou noticeit.Atallevents,Igitmycontraxasseppit(accepted)by theCountyCouncil.(Savagely.)Theydussent'avenothinktodo withmeunlessIpaidfairwages--curse'emforaparcelo' meddlin'fools!MORELL(droppinghishand,utterlydiscouraged).Sothatwaswhy youraisedthewages!(Hesitsdownmoodily.) BURGESS(severely,inspreading,mountingtones).Whyelseshould Idoit?Whatdoesitleadtobutdrinkandhuppishnessin workin'men?(Heseatshimselfmagisteriallyintheeasychair.) It'shallverywellforyou,James:itgitsyouhintothepapers andmakesagreatmanofyou;butyouneverthinkofthe'armyou do,puttin'moneyintothepocketsofworkin'menthattheydon't know'owtospend,andtakin'itfrompeoplethatmightbemakin' agoodhuseonit.MORELL(withaheavysigh,speakingwithcoldpoliteness).What isyourbusinesswithmethismorning?Ishallnotpretendto believethatyouareheremerelyoutoffamilysentiment.BURGESS(obstinately).Yes,Iham--justfamilysentimentand nothinkelse.MORELL(withwearycalm).Idon'tbelieveyou!BURGESS(risingthreateningly).Don'tsaythattomeagain,James MavorMorell.MORELL(unmoved).I'llsayitjustasoftenasmaybenecessary toconvinceyouthatit'strue.Idon'tbelieveyou.BURGESS(collapsingintoanabyssofwoundedfeeling).Oh,well, ifyou'redeterminedtobeunfriendly,Is'poseI'dbettergo. (Hemovesreluctantlytowardsthedoor.Morellmakesnosign.He

lingers.)Ididn'thexpecttofindahunforgivin'spiritinyou, James.(Morellstillnotresponding,hetakesafewmore reluctantstepsdoorwards.Thenhecomesbackwhining.)We husetergitonwellenough,spiteofourdifferentopinions.Why areyousochangedtome?IgiveyoumywordIcomehereinpyorr (pure)frenliness,notwishin'tobeonbadtermswithmyhown daughrter's'usban'.Come,James:beaCherishinandshake'ands. (HeputshishandsentimentallyonMorell'sshoulder.) MORELL(lookingupathimthoughtfully).Lookhere,Burgess.Do youwanttobeaswelcomehereasyouwerebeforeyoulostthat contract?BURGESS.Ido,James.Ido--honest.MORELL.Thenwhydon'tyoubehaveasyoudidthen? BURGESS(cautiouslyremovinghishand).'Owd'y'mean? MORELL.I'lltellyou.Youthoughtmeayoungfoolthen.BURGESS(coaxingly).No,Ididn't,James.I--MORELL(cuttinghimshort).Yes,youdid.AndIthoughtyouan oldscoundrel.BURGESS(mostvehementlydeprecatingthisgrossself-accusation onMorell'spart).No,youdidn't,James.Nowyoudoyourselfa hinjustice.MORELL.Yes,Idid.Well,thatdidnotpreventourgettingon verywelltogether.GodmadeyouwhatIcallascoundrelashe mademewhatyoucallafool.(Theeffectofthisobservationon Burgessistoremovethekeystoneofhismoralarch.Hebecomes bodilyweak,and,withhiseyesfixedonMorellinahelpless stare,putsouthishandapprehensivelytobalancehimself,asif thefloorhadsuddenlyslopedunderhim.Morellproceedsinthe sametoneofquietconviction.)Itwasnotformetoquarrelwith hishandiworkintheonecasemorethanintheother.Solongas youcomeherehonestlyasaself-respecting,thorough,convinced scoundrel,justifyingyourscoundrelism,andproudofit,youare welcome.But(andnowMorell'stonebecomesformidable;andhe risesandstrikesthebackofthechairforgreateremphasis)I

won'thaveyouheresnivellingaboutbeingamodelemployeranda convertedmanwhenyou'reonlyanapostatewithyourcoatturned forthesakeofaCountyCouncilcontract.(Henodsathimto enforcethepoint;thengoestothehearth-rug,wherehetakesup acomfortablycommandingpositionwithhisbacktothefire,and continues)No:Ilikeamantobetruetohimself,evenin wickedness.Comenow:eithertakeyourhatandgo;orelsesit downandgivemeagoodscoundrellyreasonforwantingtobe friendswithme.(Burgess,whoseemotionshavesubsided sufficientlytobeexpressedbyadazedgrin,isrelievedbythis concreteproposition.Hepondersitforamoment,andthen, slowlyandverymodestly,sitsdowninthechairMorellhasjust left.)That'sright.Now,outwithit. BURGESS(chucklinginspiteofhimself.)Well,youAREaqueer bird,James,andnomistake.But(almostenthusiastically)one carnt'elplikin'you;besides,asIsaidafore,ofcourseone don'ttakeallaclorgymansaysseriously,ortheworldcouldn't goon.Coulditnow?(Hecomposeshimselfforgraverdiscourse, andturninghiseyesonMorellproceedswithdullseriousness.) Well,Idon'tmindtellin'you,sinceit'syourwishweshouldbe freewithoneanother,thatIdidthinkyouabitofafoolonce; butI'mbeginnin'tothinkthatp'r'apsIwasbe'indthetimesa bit. MORELL(delighted).Aha!You'refindingthatoutatlast,are you? BURGESS(portentously).Yes,times'aschangedmor'nIcoulda believed.Fiveyorr(year)ago,nosensiblemanwouldathought o'takin'upwithyourideas.Ihusedtowonderyouwaslet preachatall.Why,Iknowaclorgymanthat'asbinkep'houtof hisjobforyorrsbytheBishopofLondon,althoughthepore feller'snotabitmorereligiousthanyouare.Butto-day,if henyonewastooffertobetmeathousan'poun'thatyou'llend bybein'abishopyourself,Ishouldn'tventuretotakethebet. Youandyorecrewaregettin'hinfluential:Icanseethat. They'll'avetogiveyousomethingsomeday,ifit'sonlytostop yoremouth.You'adtherightinstinc'arterall,James:theline youtookisthepayin'lineinthelongrunfuramano'your sort.

MORELL(decisively--offeringhishand).Shakehands,Burgess.Now you'retalkinghonestly.Idon'tthinkthey'llmakemeabishop; butiftheydo,I'llintroduceyoutothebiggestjobbersIcan gettocometomydinnerparties. BURGESS(whohasrisenwithasheepishgrinandacceptedthehand offriendship).Youwill'aveyourjoke,James.Ourquarrel's madeupnow,isn'tit? AWOMAN'SVOICE.Sayyes,James. Startled,theyturnquicklyandfindthatCandidahasjustcome in,andislookingatthemwithanamusedmaternalindulgence whichishercharacteristicexpression.Sheisawomanof33, wellbuilt,wellnourished,likely,oneguesses,tobecome matronlylateron,butnowquiteatherbest,withthedouble charmofyouthandmotherhood.Herwaysarethoseofawomanwho hasfoundthatshecanalwaysmanagepeoplebyengagingtheir affection,andwhodoessofranklyandinstinctivelywithoutthe smallestscruple.Sofar,sheislikeanyotherprettywomanwho isjustcleverenoughtomakethemostofhersexualattractions fortriviallyselfishends;butCandida'sserenebrow,courageous eyes,andwellsetmouthandchinsignifylargenessofmindand dignityofcharactertoennoblehercunningintheaffections.A wiseheartedobserver,lookingather,wouldatonceguessthat whoeverhadplacedtheVirginoftheAssumptionoverherhearth didsobecausehefanciedsomespiritualresemblancebetween them,andyetwouldnotsuspecteitherherhusbandorherselfof anysuchidea,orindeedofanyconcernwiththeartofTitian. Justnowsheisinbonnetandmantle,ladenwithastrappedrug withherumbrellastuckthroughit,ahandbag,andasupplyof illustratedpapers. MORELL(shockedathisremissness).Candida!Why--(looksathis watch,andishorrifiedtofinditsolate.)Mydarling! (Hurryingtoherandseizingtherugstrap,pouringforthhis remorsefulregretsallthetime.)Iintendedtomeet youatthetrain.Iletthetimeslip.(Flingingtherugonthe sofa.)Iwassoengrossedby--(returningtoher)--Iforgot--

oh!(Heembracesherwithpenitentemotion.) BURGESS(alittleshamefacedanddoubtfulofhisreception). Howorsyou,Candy?(She,stillinMorell'sarms,offers himhercheek,whichhekisses.)Jamesandmeiscometo aunnerstandin'--ahonourableunnerstandin'.Ain'we,James? MORELL(impetuously).Oh,botheryourunderstanding!You'vekept melateforCandida.(Withcompassionatefervor.)Mypoorlove: howdidyoumanageabouttheluggage?--how-- CANDIDA(stoppinghimanddisengagingherself).There,there, there.Iwasn'talone.Eugenecamedownyesterday;andwe traveleduptogether. MORELL(pleased).Eugene! CANDIDA.Yes:he'sstrugglingwithmyluggage,poorboy.Goout, dear,atonce;orhewillpayforthecab;andIdon'twantthat. (Morellhurriesout.Candidaputsdownherhandbag;thentakes offhermantleandbonnetandputsthemonthesofawiththerug, chattingmeanwhile.)Well,papa,howareyougettingonathome? BURGESS.The'ouseain'tworthlivin'insinceyouleftit, Candy.Iwishyou'dcomeroundandgivethegurlatalkin'to. Who'sthisEugenethat'scomewithyou? CANDIDA.Oh,Eugene'soneofJames'sdiscoveries.Hefoundhim sleepingontheEmbankmentlastJune.Haven'tyounoticedournew picture(pointingtotheVirgin)?Hegaveusthat. BURGESS(incredulously).Garn!D'youmeantotellme--yourhown father!--thatcabtoutsorsuchlike,orftheEmbankment,buys pictur'slikethat?(Severely.)Don'tdeceiveme,Candy:it'sa 'IghChurchpictur;andJameschoseithisself. CANDIDA.Guessagain.Eugeneisn'tacabtout. BURGESS.Thenwotishe?(Sarcastically.)Anobleman,I'spose. CANDIDA(delighted--nodding).Yes.Hisuncle'sapeer--areal

liveearl. BURGESS(notdaringtobelievesuchgoodnews).No! CANDIDA.Yes.Hehadasevendaybillfor55poundsinhispocket whenJamesfoundhimontheEmbankment.Hethoughthecouldn't getanymoneyforituntilthesevendayswereup;andhewastoo shytoaskforcredit.Oh,he'sadearboy!Weareveryfondof him. BURGESS(pretendingtobelittlethearistocracy,butwithhis eyesgleaming).Hm,Ithortyouwouldn'tgitapiorr's(peer's) nevvyvisitin'inVictoriaParkunlesshewereabitofaflat. (Lookingagainatthepicture.)OfcourseIdon't'oldwiththat pictur,Candy;butstillit'sa'ighclass,fustrateworkof art:Icanseethat.Besureyouhintroducemetohim,Candy.(He looksathiswatchanxiously.)Icanonlystayabouttwominutes. MorellcomesbackwithEugene,whomBurgesscontemplates moist-eyedwithenthusiasm.Heisastrange,shyyouthof eighteen,slight,effeminate,withadelicatechildishvoice,and ahunted,tormentedexpressionandshrinkingmannerthatshowthe painfulsensitivenessthatveryswiftandacuteapprehensiveness producesinyouth,beforethecharacterhasgrowntoitsfull strength.Yeteverythingthathistimidityandfrailtysuggests iscontradictedbyhisface.Heismiserablyirresolute,does notknowwheretostandorwhattodowithhishandsandfeet,is afraidofBurgess,andwouldrunawayintosolitudeifhedared; buttheveryintensitywithwhichhefeelsaperfectly commonplacepositionshowsgreatnervousforce,andhisnostrils andmouthshowafiercelypetulantwilfulness,astothequality ofwhichhisgreatimaginativeeyesandfinebrowarereassuring. Heissoentirelyuncommonastobealmostunearthly;andto prosaicpeoplethereissomethingnoxiousinthisunearthliness, justastopoeticpeoplethereissomethingangelicinit.His dressisanarchic.Hewearsanoldbluesergejacket,unbuttoned overawoollenlawntennisshirt,withasilkhandkerchieffora cravat,trousersmatchingthejacket,andbrowncanvasshoes. Inthesegarmentshehasapparentlylainintheheatherandwaded throughthewaters;butthereisnoevidenceofhishavingever brushedthem.

Ashecatchessightofastrangeronentering,hestops,and edgesalongthewallontheoppositesideoftheroom. MORELL(asheenters).Comealong:youcanspareusquarterofan hour,atallevents.Thisismyfather-in-law,Mr.Burgess--Mr. Marchbanks. MARCHBANKS(nervouslybackingagainstthebookcase).Gladtomeet you,sir. BURGESS(crossingtohimwithgreatheartiness,whilstMorell joinsCandidaatthefire).GladtomeetYOU,I'mshore,Mr. Morchbanks.(Forcinghimtoshakehands.)'Owdoyoufind yoreselfthisweather?'Opeyouain'tlettin'Jamesputno foolishideasintoyour'ed? MARCHBANKS.Foolishideas!Oh,youmeanSocialism.No. BURGESS.That'sright.(Againlookingathiswatch.)Well,Imust gonow:there'sno'elpforit.Yo'renotcomin'myway,areyou, Mr.Morchbanks? MARCHBANKS.Whichwayisthat? BURGESS.VictawriarPorkstation.There'sacitytrainat12.25. MORELL.Nonsense.Eugenewillstaytolunchwithus,Iexpect. MARCHBANKS(anxiouslyexcusing.himself).No--I--I-- BURGESS.Well,well,Ishan'tpressyou:Ibetyou'dratherlunch withCandy.Somenight,I'ope,you'llcomeanddinewithmeat myclub,theFreemanFoundersinNortnFolgit.Come,sayyou will. MARCHBANKS.Thankyou,Mr.Burgess.WhereisNortonFolgate--down inSurrey,isn'tit?(Burgess,inexpressiblytickled,beginsto splutterwithlaughter.) CANDIDA(comingtotherescue).You'llloseyourtrain,papa,if

youdon'tgoatonce.ComebackintheafternoonandtellMr. Marchbankswheretofindtheclub. BURGESS(roaringwithglee).DowninSurrey--har,har!that'snot abadone.Well,Inevermetamanasdidn'tknowNortnFolgit before.(Abashedathisownnoisiness.)Good-bye,Mr.Morchbanks: Iknowyo'retoo'ighbredtotakemypleasantryinbadpart.(He againoffershishand.) MARCHBANKS(takingitwithanervousjerk).Notatall. BURGESS.Bye,bye,Candy.I'lllookinagainlateron.Solong, James. MORELL.Mustyougo? BURGESS.Don'tstir.(Hegoesoutwithunabatedheartiness.) MORELL.Oh,I'llseeyouout.(Hefollowshimout.Eugenestares afterthemapprehensively,holdinghisbreathuntilBurgess disappears.) CANDIDA(laughing).Well,Eugene.(Heturnswithastartand comeseagerlytowardsher,butstopsirresolutelyashemeetsher amusedlook.)Whatdoyouthinkofmyfather? MARCHBANKS.I--Ihardlyknowhimyet.Heseemstobeaverynice oldgentleman. CANDIDA(withgentleirony).Andyou'llgototheFreeman Founderstodinewithhim,won'tyou? MARCHBANKS(miserably,takingitquiteseriously).Yes,ifit willpleaseyou. CANDIDA(touched).Doyouknow,youareaveryniceboy,Eugene, withallyourqueerness.IfyouhadlaughedatmyfatherI shouldn'thaveminded;butIlikeyoueversomuchbetterfor beingnicetohim. MARCHBANKS.OughtItohavelaughed?Inoticedthathesaid

somethingfunny;butIamsoillateasewithstrangers;andI nevercanseeajoke!I'mverysorry.(Hesitsdownonthesofa, hiselbowsonhiskneesandhistemplesbetweenhisfists,with anexpressionofhopelesssuffering.) CANDIDA(bustlinghimgoodnaturedly).Oh,come!Yougreatbaby, you!Youareworsethanusualthismorning.Whywereyouso melancholyaswecamealonginthecab? MARCHBANKS.Oh,thatwasnothing.IwaswonderinghowmuchI oughttogivethecabman.Iknowit'sutterlysilly;butyou don'tknowhowdreadfulsuchthingsaretome--howIshrinkfrom havingtodealwithstrangepeople.(Quicklyandreassuringly.) Butit'sallright.Hebeamedalloverandtouchedhishatwhen Morellgavehimtwoshillings.Iwasonthepointofofferinghim ten.(Candidalaughsheartily.Morellcomesbackwithafew lettersandnewspaperswhichhavecomebythemiddaypost.) CANDIDA.Oh,James,dear,hewasgoingtogivethecabmanten shillings--tenshillingsforathreeminutes'drive--oh,dear! MORELL(atthetable,glancingthroughtheletters).Nevermind her,Marchbanks.Theoverpayinginstinctisagenerousone: betterthantheunderpayinginstinct,andnotsocommon. MARCHBANKS(relapsingintodejection).No:cowardice, incompetence.Mrs.Morell'squiteright. CANDIDA.Ofcoursesheis.(Shetakesupherhandbag.)AndnowI mustleaveyoutoJamesforthepresent.Isupposeyouaretoo muchofapoettoknowthestateawomanfindsherhouseinwhen she'sbeenawayforthreeweeks.Givememyrug.(Eugenetakes thestrappedrugfromthecouch,andgivesittoher.Shetakes itinherlefthand,havingthebaginherright.)Nowhangmy cloakacrossmyarm.(Heobeys.)Nowmyhat.(Heputsitintothe handwhichhasthebag.)Nowopenthedoorforme.(Hehurriesup beforeherandopensthedoor.)Thanks.(Shegoesout;and Marchbanksshutsthedoor.) MORELL(stillbusyatthetable).You'llstaytolunch, Marchbanks,ofcourse.

MARCHBANKS(scared).Imustn't.(HeglancesquicklyatMorell, butatonceavoidshisfranklook,andadds,withobvious disingenuousness)Ican't. MORELL(overhisshoulder).Youmeanyouwon't. MARCHBANKS(earnestly).No:Ishouldliketo,indeed.Thankyou verymuch.But--but-- MORELL(breezily,finishingwiththelettersandcomingcloseto him).But--but--but--but--bosh!Ifyou'dliketostay,stay.You don'tmeantopersuademeyouhaveanythingelsetodo.Ifyou're shy,goandtakeaturnintheparkandwritepoetryuntilhalf pastone;andthencomeinandhaveagoodfeed. MARCHBANKS.Thankyou,Ishouldlikethatverymuch.ButIreally mustn't.Thetruthis,Mrs.Morelltoldmenotto.Shesaidshe didn'tthinkyou'daskmetostaytolunch,butthatIwasto remember,ifyoudid,thatyoudidn'treallywantmeto. (Plaintively.)ShesaidI'dunderstand;butIdon't.Pleasedon't tellherItoldyou. MORELL(drolly).Oh,isthatall?Won'tmysuggestionthatyou shouldtakeaturnintheparkmeetthedifficulty? MARCHBANKS.How? MORELL(explodinggood-humoredly).Why,youduffer--(Butthis boisterousnessjarshimselfaswellasEugene.Hecheckshimself, andresumes,withaffectionateseriousness)No:Iwon'tputitin thatway.Mydearlad:inahappymarriagelikeours,thereis somethingverysacredinthereturnofthewifetoherhome. (Marchbankslooksquicklyathim,halfanticipatinghismeaning.) Anoldfriendoratrulynobleandsympatheticsoulisnotinthe wayonsuchoccasions;butachancevisitoris.(Thehunted, horrors-trickenexpressioncomesoutwithsuddenvividnessin Eugene'sfaceasheunderstands.Morell,occupiedwithhisown thought,goesonwithoutnoticingit.)CandidathoughtI wouldrathernothaveyouhere;butshewaswrong.I'mveryfond ofyou,myboy,andIshouldlikeyoutoseeforyourselfwhata

happythingitistobemarriedasIam. MARCHBANKS,Happy!--YOURmarriage!Youthinkthat!Youbelieve that! MORELL(buoyantly).Iknowit,mylad.LaRochefoucauldsaidthat thereareconvenientmarriages,butnodelightfulones.Youdon't knowthecomfortofseeingthroughandthroughathunderingliar androttencyniclikethatfellow.Ha,ha!Nowoffwithyouto thepark,andwriteyourpoem.Halfpastone,sharp,mind:we neverwaitforanybody. MARCHBANKS(wildly).No:stop:youshan't.I'llforceitintothe light. MORELL(puzzled).Eh?Forcewhat? MARCHBANKS.Imustspeaktoyou.Thereissomethingthatmustbe settledbetweenus. MORELL(withawhimsicalglanceattheclock).Now? MARCHBANKS(passionately).Now.Beforeyouleavethisroom.(He retreatsafewsteps,andstandsasiftobarMorell'swaytothe door.) MORELL(withoutmoving,andgravely,perceivingnowthatthereis somethingseriousthematter).I'mnotgoingtoleaveit,mydear boy:IthoughtYOUwere.(Eugene,baffledbyhisfirmtone,turns hisbackonhim,writhingwithanger.Morellgoestohimandputs hishandonhisshoulderstronglyandkindly,disregardinghis attempttoshakeitoff)Come:sitdownquietly;andtellmewhat itis.Andremember;wearefriends,andneednotfearthat eitherofuswillbeanythingbutpatientandkindtotheother, whateverwemayhavetosay. MARCHBANKS(twistinghimselfroundonhim).Oh,Iamnot forgettingmyself:Iamonly(coveringhisfacedesperatelywith hishands)fullofhorror.(Then,droppinghishands,and thrustinghisfaceforwardfiercelyatMorell,hegoeson threateningly.)Youshallseewhetherthisisatimeforpatience

andkindness.(Morell,firmasarock,looksindulgentlyathim.) Don'tlookatmeinthatself-complacentway.Youthinkyourself strongerthanIam;butIshallstaggeryouifyouhaveaheart inyourbreast. MORELL(powerfullyconfident).Staggerme,myboy.Outwithit. MARCHBANKS.First-- MORELL.First? MARCHBANKS.Iloveyourwife. (Morellrecoils,and,afterstaringathimforamomentinutter amazement,burstsintouncontrollablelaughter.Eugeneistaken aback,butnotdisconcerted;andhesoonbecomesindignantand contemptuous.) MORELL(sittingdowntohavehislaughout).Why,mydearchild, ofcourseyoudo.Everybodylovesher:theycan'thelpit.Ilike it.But(lookingupwhimsicallyathim)Isay,Eugene:doyou thinkyoursisacasetobetalkedabout?You'reundertwenty: she'soverthirty.Doesn'titlookrathertoolikeacaseofcalf love? MARCHBANKS(vehemently).YOUdaresaythatofher!Youthinkthat wayofthelovesheinspires!Itisaninsulttoher! MORELL(rising;quickly,inanalteredtone).Toher!Eugene: takecare.Ihavebeenpatient.Ihopetoremainpatient.But therearesomethingsIwon'tallow.Don'tforcemetoshowyou theindulgenceIshouldshowtoachild.Beaman. MARCHBANKS(withagestureasifsweepingsomethingbehindhim). Oh,letusputasideallthatcant.IthorrifiesmewhenIthink ofthedosesofitshehashadtoendureinallthewearyyears duringwhichyouhaveselfishlyandblindlysacrificedherto ministertoyourself-sufficiency--YOU(turningonhim)whohave notonethought--onesense--incommonwithher. MORELL(philosophically).Sheseemstobearitprettywell.

(Lookinghimstraightintheface.)Eugene,myboy:youare makingafoolofyourself--averygreatfoolofyourself.There's apieceofwholesomeplainspeakingforyou. MARCHBANKS.Oh,doyouthinkIdon'tknowallthat?Doyouthink thatthethingspeoplemakefoolsofthemselvesaboutareany lessrealandtruethanthethingstheybehavesensiblyabout? (Morell'sgazewaversforthefirsttime.Heinstinctivelyaverts hisfaceandstandslistening,startledandthoughtful.)Theyare moretrue:theyaretheonlythingsthataretrue.Youarevery calmandsensibleandmoderatewithmebecauseyoucanseethatI amafoolaboutyourwife;justasnodoubtthatoldmanwhowas herejustnowisverywiseoveryoursocialism,becausehesees thatYOUareafoolaboutit.(Morell'sperplexitydeepens markedly.Eugenefollowsuphisadvantage,plyinghimfiercely withquestions.)Doesthatproveyouwrong?Doesyourcomplacent superioritytomeprovethatIamwrong? MORELL(turningonEugene,whostandshisground).Marchbanks: somedevilisputtingthesewordsintoyourmouth.Itiseasy-- terriblyeasy--toshakeaman'sfaithinhimself.Totake advantageofthattobreakaman'sspiritisdevil'swork.Take careofwhatyouaredoing.Takecare. MARCHBANKS(ruthlessly).Iknow.I'mdoingitonpurpose.Itold youIshouldstaggeryou. (Theyconfrontoneanotherthreateninglyforamoment.Then Morellrecovershisdignity.) MORELL(withnobletenderness).Eugene:listentome.Someday,I hopeandtrust,youwillbeahappymanlikeme.(Eugenechafes intolerantly,repudiatingtheworthofhishappiness.Morell, deeplyinsulted,controlshimselfwithfineforbearance,and continuessteadily,withgreatartisticbeautyofdelivery)You willbemarried;andyouwillbeworkingwithallyourmightand valortomakeeveryspotonearthashappyasyourownhome.You willbeoneofthemakersoftheKingdomofHeavenonearth;and --whoknows?--youmaybeapioneerandmasterbuilderwhereIam onlyahumblejourneyman;fordon'tthink,myboy,thatIcannot seeinyou,youngasyouare,promiseofhigherpowersthanIcan

everpretendto.Iwellknowthatitisinthepoetthatthe holyspiritofman--thegodwithinhim--ismostgodlike.It shouldmakeyoutrembletothinkofthat--tothinkthattheheavy burthenandgreatgiftofapoetmaybelaiduponyou. MARCHBANKS(unimpressedandremorseless,hisboyishcrudityof assertiontellingsharplyagainstMorell'soratory).Itdoesnot makemetremble.Itisthewantofitinothersthatmakesme tremble. MORELL(redoublinghisforceofstyleunderthestimulusofhis genuinefeelinqandEugene'sobduracy).Thenhelptokindleitin them--inME---nottoextinguishit.Inthefuture--whenyouare ashappyasIam--Iwillbeyourtruebrotherinthefaith.I willhelpyoutobelievethatGodhasgivenusaworldthat nothingbutourownfollykeepsfrombeingaparadise.Iwill helpyoutobelievethateverystrokeofyourworkissowing happinessforthegreatharvestthatall--eventhehumblest-- shallonedayreap.Andlast,buttrustme,notleast,Iwill helpyoutobelievethatyourwifelovesyouandishappyinher home.Weneedsuchhelp,Marchbanks:weneeditgreatlyand always.Therearesomanythingstomakeusdoubt,ifoncewelet ourunderstandingbetroubled.Evenathome,wesitasifin camp,encompassedbyahostilearmyofdoubts.Willyouplaythe traitorandlettheminonme? MARCHBANKS(lookingroundhim).Isitlikethisforherhere always?Awoman,withagreatsoul,cravingforreality,truth, freedom,andbeingfedonmetaphors,sermons,staleperorations, mererhetoric.Doyouthinkawoman'ssoulcanliveonyour talentforpreaching? MORELL(Stung).Marchbanks:youmakeithardformetocontrol myself.Mytalentislikeyoursinsofarasithasanyrealworth atall.Itisthegiftoffindingwordsfordivinetruth. MARCHBANKS(impetuously).It'sthegiftofthegab,nothingmore andnothingless.Whathasyourknackoffinetalkingtodowith thetruth,anymorethanplayingtheorganhas?I'veneverbeen inyourchurch;butI'vebeentoyourpoliticalmeetings;and I'veseenyoudowhat'scalledrousingthemeetingtoenthusiasm:

thatis,youexcitedthemuntiltheybehavedexactlyasifthey weredrunk.Andtheirwiveslookedonandsawclearlyenough whatfoolstheywere.Oh,it'sanoldstory:you'llfindit intheBible.IimagineKingDavid,inhisfitsofenthusiasm, wasverylikeyou.(Stabbinghimwiththewords.)"Buthiswife despisedhiminherheart." MORELL(wrathfully).Leavemyhouse.Doyouhear?(Headvanceson himthreateningly.) MARCHBANKS(shrinkingbackagainstthecouch).Letmealone. Don'ttouchme.(Morellgraspshimpowerfullybythelappellof hiscoat:hecowersdownonthesofaandscreamspassionately.) Stop,Morell,ifyoustrikeme,I'llkillmyself.Iwon'tbear it.(Almostinhysterics.)Letmego.Takeyourhandaway. MORELL(withslow,emphaticscorn.)Youlittlesnivelling, cowardlywhelp.(Releasinghim.)Go,beforeyoufrightenyourself intoafit. MARCHBANKS(onthesofa,gasping,butrelievedbythewithdrawal ofMorell'shand).I'mnotafraidofyou:it'syouwhoareafraid ofme. MORELL(quietly,ashestandsoverhim).Itlookslikeit, doesn'tit? MARCHBANKS(withpetulantvehemence).Yes,itdoes.(Morellturns awaycontemptuously.Eugenescramblestohisfeetandfollows him.)YouthinkbecauseIshrinkfrombeingbrutallyhandled-- because(withtearsinhisvoice)Icandonothingbutcrywith ragewhenIammetwithviolence--becauseIcan'tliftaheavy trunkdownfromthetopofacablikeyou--becauseIcan'tfight youforyourwifeasanavvywould:allthatmakesyouthinkthat I'mafraidofyou.Butyou'rewrong.IfIhaven'tgotwhatyou callBritishpluck,Ihaven'tBritishcowardiceeither:I'mnot afraidofaclergyman'sideas.I'llfightyourideas.I'llrescue herfromherslaverytothem:I'llpitmyownideasagainstthem. Youaredrivingmeoutofthehousebecauseyoudaren'tlether choosebetweenyourideasandmine.Youareafraidtoletmesee heragain.(Morell,angered,turnssuddenlyonhim.Hefliesto

thedoorininvoluntarydread.)Letmealone,Isay.I'mgoing. MORELL(withcoldscorn).Waitamoment:Iamnotgoingtotouch you:don'tbeafraid.Whenmywifecomesbackshewillwantto knowwhyyouhavegone.Andwhenshefindsthatyouarenever goingtocrossourthresholdagain,shewillwanttohavethat explained,too.NowIdon'twishtodistressherbytellingher thatyouhavebehavedlikeablackguard. MARCHBANKS(Comingbackwithrenewedvehemence).Youshall--you must.Ifyougiveanyexplanationbutthetrueone,youarea liarandacoward.TellherwhatIsaid;andhowyouwerestrong andmanly,andshookmeasaterriershakesarat;andhowI shrankandwasterrified;andhowyoucalledmeasnivelling littlewhelpandputmeoutofthehouse.Ifyoudon'ttellher, Iwill:I'llwritetoher. MORELL(takenaback.)Whydoyouwanthertoknowthis? MARCHBANKS(withlyricrapture.)Becauseshewillunderstandme, andknowthatIunderstandher.Ifyoukeepbackonewordofit fromher--ifyouarenotreadytolaythetruthatherfeetasI am--thenyouwillknowtotheendofyourdaysthatshereally belongstomeandnottoyou.Good-bye.(Going.) MORELL(terriblydisquieted).Stop:Iwillnottellher. MARCHBANKS(turningnearthedoor).Eitherthetruthoralie youMUSTtellher,ifIgo. MORELL(temporizing).Marchbanks:itissometimesjustifiable. MARCHBANKS(cuttinghimshort).Iknow--tolie.Itwill beuseless.Good-bye,Mr.Clergyman. (Asheturnsfinallytothedoor,itopensandCandidaentersin housekeepingattire.) CANDIDA.Areyougoing,Eugene?(Lookingmoreobservantlyathim.) Well,dearme,justlookatyou,goingoutintothestreetin thatstate!YouAREapoet,certainly.Lookathim,James!(She

takeshimbythecoat,andbringshimforwardtoshowhimto Morell.)Lookathiscollar!lookathistie!lookathishair! Onewouldthinksomebodyhadbeenthrottlingyou.(Thetwomen guardthemselvesagainstbetrayingtheirconsciousness.)Here! Standstill.(Shebuttonshiscollar;tieshisneckerchiefina bow;andarrangeshishair.)There!NowyoulooksonicethatI thinkyou'dbetterstaytolunchafterall,thoughItoldyouyou mustn't.Itwillbereadyinhalfanhour.(Sheputsafinal touchtothebow.Hekissesherhand.)Don'tbesilly. MARCHBANKS.Iwanttostay,ofcourse--unlessthereverend gentleman,yourhusband,hasanythingtoadvancetothecontrary. CANDIDA.Shallhestay,James,ifhepromisestobeagoodboy andtohelpmetolaythetable?(Marchbanksturnshisheadand lookssteadfastlyatMorelloverhisshoulder,challenginghis answer.) MORELL(shortly).Oh,yes,certainly:hehadbetter.(Hegoesto thetableandpretendstobusyhimselfwithhispapersthere.) MARCHBANKS(offeringhisarmtoCandida).Comeandlaythe table.(Shetakesitandtheygotothedoortogether.Astheygo outheadds)Iamthehappiestofmen. MORELL.SowasI--anhourago. ACTII Thesameday.Thesameroom.Lateintheafternoon.Thespare chairforvisitorshasbeenreplacedatthetable,whichis,if possible,moreuntidythanbefore.Marchbanks,aloneandidle,is tryingtofindouthowthetypewriterworks.Hearingsomeoneat thedoor,hestealsguiltilyawaytothewindowandpretendsto beabsorbedintheview.MissGarnett,carryingthenotebookin whichshetakesdownMorell'slettersinshorthandfromhis dictation,sitsdownatthetypewriterandsetstowork transcribingthem,muchtoobusytonoticeEugene.Unfortunately thefirstkeyshestrikessticks.

PROSERPINE.Bother!You'vebeenmeddlingwithmytypewriter,Mr. Marchbanks;andthere'snottheleastuseinyourtryingtolook asifyouhadn't. MARCHBANKS(timidly).I'mverysorry,MissGarnett.Ionlytried tomakeitwrite. PROSERPINE.Well,you'vemadethiskeystick. MARCHBANKS(earnestly).IassureyouIdidn'ttouchthekeys.I didn't,indeed.Ionlyturnedalittlewheel.(Hepoints irresolutelyatthetensionwheel.) PROSERPINE.Oh,nowIunderstand.(Shesetsthemachineto rights,talkingvolublyallthetime.)Isupposeyouthoughtit wasasortofbarrel-organ.Nothingtodobutturnthehandle, anditwouldwriteabeautifulloveletterforyoustraightoff, eh? MARCHBANKS(seriously).Isupposeamachinecouldbemadeto writelove-letters.They'reallthesame,aren'tthey! PROSERPINE(somewhatindignantly:anysuchdiscussion,exceptby wayofpleasantry,beingoutsidehercodeofmanners).HowdoI know?Whydoyouaskme? MARCHBANKS.Ibegyourpardon.Ithoughtcleverpeople--people whocandobusinessandwriteletters,andthatsortofthing-- alwayshadloveaffairs. PROSERPINE(rising,outraged).Mr.Marchbanks!(Shelooks severelyathim,andmarcheswithmuchdignitytothebookcase.) MARCHBANKS(approachingherhumbly).IhopeIhaven'toffended you.PerhapsIshouldn'thavealludedtoyourloveaffairs. PROSERPINE(pluckingabluebookfromtheshelfandturning sharplyonhim).Ihaven'tanyloveaffairs.Howdareyousay suchathing?

MARCHBANKS(simply).Really!Oh,thenyouareshy,likeme.Isn't thatso? PROSERPINE.CertainlyIamnotshy.Whatdoyoumean? MARCHBANKS(secretly).Youmustbe:thatisthereasonthereare sofewloveaffairsintheworld.Weallgoaboutlongingfor love:itisthefirstneedofournatures,theloudestcryOfour hearts;butwedarenotutterourlonging:wearetooshy.(Very earnestly.)Oh,MissGarnett,whatwouldyounotgivetobe withoutfear,withoutshame-- PROSERPINE(scandalized),Well,uponmyword! MARCHBANKS(withpetulantimpatience).Ah,don'tsaythosestupid thingstome:theydon'tdeceiveme:whatusearethey?Whyare youafraidtobeyourrealselfwithme?Iamjustlikeyou. PROSERPINE.Likeme!Pray,areyouflatteringmeorflattering yourself?Idon'tfeelquitesurewhich.(Sheturnstogobackto thetypewriter.) MARCHBANKS(stoppinghermysteriously).Hush!Igoaboutin searchoflove;andIfinditinunmeasuredstoresinthebosoms ofothers.ButwhenItrytoaskforit,thishorribleshyness stranglesme;andIstanddumb,orworsethandumb,saying meaninglessthings--foolishlies.AndIseetheaffectionIam longingforgiventodogsandcatsandpetbirds,becausethey comeandaskforit.(Almostwhispering.)Itmustbeaskedfor: itislikeaghost:itcannotspeakunlessitisfirstspokento. (Athisnormalpitch,butwithdeepmelancholy.)Allthelovein theworldislongingtospeak;onlyitdarenot,becauseitis shy,shy,shy.Thatistheworld'stragedy.(Withadeepsighhe sitsinthesparechairandburieshisfaceinhishands.) PROSERPINE(amazed,butkeepingherwitsabouther--herpointof honorinencounterswithstrangeyoungmen).Wickedpeopleget overthatshynessoccasionally,don'tthey? MARCHBANKS(scramblingupalmostfiercely).Wickedpeoplemeans peoplewhohavenolove:thereforetheyhavenoshame.Theyhave

thepowertoasklovebecausetheydon'tneedit:theyhavethe powertoofferitbecausetheyhavenonetogive.(Hecollapses intohisseat,andadds,mournfully)Butwe,whohavelove,and longtomingleitwiththeloveofothers:wecannotuttera word.(Timidly.)Youfindthat,don'tyou? PROSERPINE.Lookhere:ifyoudon'tstoptalkinglikethis,I'll leavetheroom,Mr.Marchbanks:Ireallywill.It'snotproper. (Sheresumesherseatatthetypewriter,openingthebluebook andpreparingtocopyapassagefromit.) MARCHBANKS(hopelessly).Nothingthat'sworthsayingISproper. (Herises,andwandersabouttheroominhislostway,saying)I can'tunderstandyou,MissGarnett.WhatamItotalkabout? PROSERPINE(snubbinghim).Talkaboutindifferentthings,talk abouttheweather. MARCHBANKS.Wouldyoustandandtalkaboutindifferentthingsif achildwereby,cryingbitterlywithhunger? PROSERPINE.Isupposenot. MARCHBANKS.Well:Ican'ttalkaboutindifferentthingswithmy heartcryingoutbitterlyinITShunger. PROSERPINE.Thenholdyourtongue. MARCHBANKS.Yes:thatiswhatitalwayscomesto.Weholdour tongues.Doesthatstopthecryofyourheart?--foritdoescry: doesn'tit?Itmust,ifyouhaveaheart. PROSERPINE(suddenlyrisingwithherhandpressedonherheart). Oh,it'snousetryingtoworkwhileyoutalklikethat.(She leavesherlittletableandsitsonthesofa.Herfeelingsare evidentlystronglyworkedon.)It'snobusinessofyours,whether myheartcriesornot;butIhaveamindtotellyou,forall that. MARCHBANKS.Youneedn't.Iknowalreadythatitmust.

PROSERPINE.Butmind:ifyoueversayIsaidso,I'lldenyit. MARCHBANKS(compassionately).Yes,Iknow.Andsoyouhaven'tthe couragetotellhim? PROSERPINE(bouncingup).HIM!Who? MARCHBANKS.Whoeverheis.Themanyoulove.Itmightbeanybody. Thecurate,Mr.Mill,perhaps. PROSERPINE(withdisdain).Mr.Mill!!!Afinemantobreakmy heartabout,indeed!I'dratherhaveyouthanMr.Mill. MARCHBANKS(recoiling).No,really--I'mverysorry;butyou mustn'tthinkofthat.I-- PROSERPINE.(testily,crossingtothefireandstandingatit withherbacktohim).Oh,don'tbefrightened:it'snotyou. It'snotanyoneparticularperson. MARCHBANKS.Iknow.Youfeelthatyoucouldloveanybodythat offered-- PROSERPINE(exasperated).Anybodythatoffered!No,Idonot. Whatdoyoutakemefor? MARCHBANKS(discouraged).Nouse.Youwon'tmakemeREALanswers --onlythosethingsthateverybodysays,(Hestraystothesofa andsitsdowndisconsolately.) PROSERPINE(nettledatwhatshetakestobeadisparagementof hermannersbyanaristocrat).Oh,well,ifyouwantoriginal conversation,you'dbettergoandtalktoyourself. MARCHBANKS.Thatiswhatallpoetsdo:theytalktothemselves outloud;andtheworldoverhearsthem.Butit'shorriblylonely nottohearsomeoneelsetalksometimes. PROSERPINE.WaituntilMr.Morellcomes.HE'LLtalktoyou. (Marchbanksshudders.)Oh,youneedn'tmakewryfacesoverhim: hecantalkbetterthanyou.(Withtemper.)He'dtalkyourlittle

headoff.(Sheisgoingbackangrilytoherplace,when,suddenly enlightened,hespringsupandstopsher.) MARCHBANKS.Ah,Iunderstandnow! PROSERPINE(reddening).Whatdoyouunderstand? MARCHBANKS.Yoursecret.Tellme:isitreallyandtrulypossible forawomantolovehim? PROSERPINE(asifthiswerebeyondallbounds).Well!! MARCHBANKS(passionately).No,answerme.Iwanttoknow:IMUST know.Ican'tunderstandit.Icanseenothinginhimbutwords, piousresolutions,whatpeoplecallgoodness.Youcan'tlove that. PROSERPINE(attemptingtosnubhimbyanairofcoolpropriety). Isimplydon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout.Idon'tunderstand you. MARCHBANKS(vehemently).Youdo.Youlie-- PROSERPINE.Oh! MARCHBANKS.YouDOunderstand;andyouKNOW.(Determinedtohave ananswer.)Isitpossibleforawomantolovehim? PROSERPINE(lookinghimstraightintheface.Yes.(Hecovershis facewithhishands.)Whateveristhematterwithyou!(Hetakes downhishandsandlooksather.Frightenedatthetragicmask presentedtoher,shehurriespasthimattheutmostpossible distance,keepinghereyesonhisfaceuntilheturnsfromher andgoestothechild'schairbesidethehearth,wherehesitsin thedeepestdejection.Assheapproachesthedoor,itopensand Burgessenters.Onseeinghim,sheejaculates)Praiseheaven, here'ssomebody!(andsitsdown,reassured,athertable.She putsafreshsheetofpaperintothetypewriterasBurgess crossestoEugene.) BURGESS(bentontakingcareofthedistingishedvisitor).Well:

sothisisthewaytheyleaveyoutoyourself,Mr.Morchbanks. I'vecometokeepyoucompany.(Marchbankslooksupathimin consternation,whichisquitelostonhim.)Jamesisreceivin'a deppitationinthedinin'room;andCandyishupstairseducatin' ofayoungstitchergurlshe'shinterustedin.She'ssettin' therelearnin'hertoreadoutofthe"'Ev'nlyTwins." (Condolingly.)Youmustfinditlonesomeherewithnoonebutthe typisttotalkto.(Hepullsroundtheeasychairabovefire,and sitsdown.) PROSERPINE(highlyincensed).He'llbeallrightnowthathehas theadvantageofYOURpolishedconversation:that'sonecomfort, anyhow.(Shebeginstotypewritewithclatteringasperity.) BURGESS(amazedatheraudacity).Hiwasnotaddressin'myselfto you,youngwoman,thatI'mawerrof. PROSERPINE(tartly,toMarchbanks).Didyoueverseeworse manners,Mr.Marchbanks? BURGESS(withpompousseverity).Mr.Morchbanksisagentleman andknowshisplace,whichismorethansomepeopledo. PROSERPINE(fretfully).It'swellyouandIarenotladiesand gentlemen:I'dtalktoyouprettystraightifMr.Marchbanks wasn'there.(Shepullstheletteroutofthemachinesocrossly thatittears.)There,nowI'vespoiledthisletter--havetobe donealloveragain.Oh,Ican'tcontainmyself--sillyold fathead! BURGESS(rising,breathlesswithindignation).Ho!I'masilly olefathead,amI?Ho,indeed(gasping).Hallright,mygurl! Hallright.YoujustwaittillItellthattoyouremployer. You'llsee.I'llteachyou:seeifIdon't. PROSERPINE.I-- BURGESS(cuttinghershort).No,you'vedoneitnow.Nohuse a-talkin'tome.I'llletyouknowwhoIam.(Proserpineshifts herpapercarriagewithadefiantbang,anddisdainfullygoeson withherwork.)Don'tyoutakenonoticeofher,Mr.Morchbanks.

She'sbeneathit.(Hesitsdownagainloftily.) MARCHBANKS(miserablynervousanddisconcerted).Hadn'twebetter changethesubject.I--Idon'tthinkMissGarnettmeantanything. PROSERPINE(withintenseconviction).Oh,didn'tIthough,just! BURGESS.Iwouldn'tdemeanmyselftotakenoticeonher. (Anelectricbellringstwice.) PROSERPINE(gatheringuphernote-bookandpapers).That'sfor me.(Shehurriesout.) BURGESS(callingafterher).Oh,wecanspareyou.(Somewhat relievedbythetriumphofhavingthelastword,andyethalf inclinedtotrytoimproveonit,helooksafterherfora moment;thensubsidesintohisseatbyEugene,andaddresseshim veryconfidentially.)Nowwe'realone,Mr.Morchbanks,letme giveyouafriendly'intthatIwouldn'tgivetoeverybody.'Ow long'aveyouknownmyson-in-lawJameshere? MARCHBANKS.Idon'tknow.Inevercanrememberdates.Afew months,perhaps. BURGESS.Evernoticeanythingqueerabouthim? MARCHBANKS.Idon'tthinkso. BURGESS(impressively).Nomoreyouwouldn't.That'sthedanger init.Well,he'smad. MARCHBANKS.Mad! BURGESS.MadasaMorch'are.Youtakenoticeonhimandyou'll see. MARCHBANKS(beginning).Butsurelythatisonlybecausehis opinions-- BURGESS(touchinghimwithhisforefingeronhisknee,and

pressingitasiftoholdhisattentionwithit).That'swotI usedteethink,Mr.Morchbanks.Hithoughtlongenoughthatit washonly'ishopinions;though,mindyou,hopinionsbecomes vurryseriousthingswhenpeopletakestohactinon'emas'e does.Butthat'snotwotIgoon.(Helooksroundtomakesure thattheyarealone,andbendsovertoEugene'sear.)Wotdoyou thinkhesaystomethismornin'inthisveryroom? MARCHBANKS.What? BURGESS.Heseztome--thisisassureaswe'resettin'here now--hesez:"I'mafool,"hesez;--"andyoreascounderl"--as coolaspossible.Meascounderl,mindyou!Andthenshook'ands withmeonit,asifitwastomycredit!Doyoumeantotellme thatthatman'ssane? MORELL.(outside,callingtoProserpine,holdingthedooropen). Getalltheirnamesandaddresses,MissGarnett. PROSERPINE(inthedistance).Yes,Mr.Morell. (Morellcomesin,withthedeputation'sdocumentsinhishands.) BURGESS(asidetoMarchbanks).Yorrheis.Justyoukeepyour heyeonhimandsee.(Risingmomentously.)I'msorry,James,to 'avetomakeacomplainttoyou.Idon'twanttodoit;butI feelIoughter,asamattero'rightandduty. MORELL.What'sthematter? BURGESS.Mr.Morchbankswillbearmeout:hewasawitness.(Very solemnly.)Youryoungwomansofarforgotherselfastocallmea sillyolefat'ead. MORELL(delighted--withtremendousheartiness).Oh,now,isn't thatEXACTLYlikeProssy?She'ssofrank:shecan'tcontain herself!PoorProssy!Ha!Ha! BURGESS(tremblingwithrage).Anddoyouhexpecmetoputup withitfromthelikeof'ER?

MORELL.Pooh,nonsense!youcan'ttakeanynoticeofit.Never mind.(Hegoestothecellaretandputsthepapersintooneof thedrawers.) BURGESS.Oh,Idon'tmind.I'maboveit.ButisitRIGHT?--that's whatIwanttoknow.Isitright? MORELL.That'saquestionfortheChurch,notforthelaity.Has itdoneyouanyharm,that'sthequestionforyou,eh?Ofcourse, ithasn't.Thinknomoreofit.(Hedismissesthesubjectby goingtohisplaceatthetableandsettingtoworkathis correspondence.) BURGESS(asidetoMarchbanks).WhatdidItellyou?Madasa 'atter.(Hegoestothetableandasks,withthesicklycivility ofahungryman)When'sdinner,James? MORELL.Notforhalfanhouryet. BURGESS(withplaintiveresignation).Gimmeanicebooktoread overthefire,willyou,James:thur'sagoodchap. MORELL.Whatsortofbook?Agoodone? BURGESS(withalmostayellofremonstrance).Nah-oo!Summat pleasant,justtopassthetime.(Morelltakesanillustrated paperfromthetableandoffersit.Heacceptsithumbly.)Thank yer,James.(Hegoesbacktohiseasychairatthefire,andsits thereathisease,reading.) MORELL(ashewrites).Candidawillcometoentertainyou presently.Shehasgotridofherpupil.Sheisfillingthe lamps. MARCHBANKS(startingupinthewildestconsternation).Butthat willsoilherhands.Ican'tbearthat,Morell:it'sashame. I'llgoandfillthem.(Hemakesforthedoor.) MORELL.You'dbetternot.(Marchbanksstopsirresolutely.)She'd onlysetyoutocleanmyboots,tosavemethetroubleofdoing itmyselfinthemorning.

BURGESS(withgravedisapproval).Don'tyoukeepaservantnow, James? MORELL.Yes;butsheisn'taslave;andthehouselooksasifI keptthree.Thatmeansthateveryonehastolendahand.It'snot abadplan:ProssyandIcantalkbusinessafterbreakfastwhilst we'rewashingup.Washingup'snotroublewhentherearetwo peopletodoit. MARCHBANKS(tormentedly).Doyouthinkeverywomanisas coarse-grainedasMissGarnett? BURGESS(emphatically).That'squiteright,Mr.Morchbanks. That'squiteright.SheIScorse-grained. MORELL(quietlyandsignificantly).Marchbanks! MARCHBANKS.Yes. MORELL.Howmanyservantsdoesyourfatherkeep? MARCHBANKS.Oh,Idon'tknow.(Hecomesbackuneasilytothe sofa,asiftogetasfaraspossiblefromMorell'squestioning, andsitsdowningreatagonyofmind,thinkingoftheparaffin.) MORELL.(verygravely).Somanythatyoudon'tknow.(More aggressively.)Anyhow,whenthere'sanythingcoarse-grainedtobe done,youringthebellandthrowitontosomebodyelse,eh? That'soneofthegreatfactsinYOURexistence,isn'tit? MARCHBANKS.Oh,don'ttortureme.Theonegreatfactnowisthat yourwife'sbeautifulfingersaredabblinginparaffinoil,and thatyouaresittingherecomfortablypreachingaboutit-- everlastingpreaching,preaching,words,words,words. BURGESS(intenselyappreciatingthisretort).Ha,ha!Devila better.(Radiantly.)'Adyouthere,James,straight. (Candidacomesin,wellaproned,withareadinglamptrimmed, filled,andreadyforlighting.Sheplacesitonthetablenear

Morell,readyforuse.) CANDIDA(brushingherfingertipstogetherwithaslighttwitch ofhernose).Ifyoustaywithus,Eugene,IthinkIwillhand overthelampstoyou. MARCHBANKS.Iwillstayonconditionthatyouhandoverallthe roughworktome. CANDIDA.That'sverygallant;butIthinkIshouldliketosee howyoudoitfirst.(TurningtoMorell.)James:you'venotbeen lookingafterthehouseproperly. MORELL.WhathaveIdone--ornotdone--mylove? CANDIDA(withseriousvexation).Myownparticularpetscrubbing brushhasbeenusedforblackleading.(Aheart-breakingwailbursts fromMarchbanks.Burgesslooksround,amazed.Candidahurriesto thesofa.)What'sthematter?Areyouill,Eugene? MARCHBANKS.No,notill.Onlyhorror,horror,horror!(Hebows hisheadonhishands.) BURGESS(shocked).What!Gotthe'orrors,Mr.Morchbanks!Oh, that'sbad,atyourage.Youmustleaveitoffgrajally. CANDIDA(reassured).Nonsense,papa.It'sonlypoetichorror, isn'tit,Eugene?(Pettinghim.) BURGESS(abashed).Oh,poetic'orror,isit?Ibegyour pordon,I'mshore.(Heturnstothefireagain,deprecatinghis hastyconclusion.) CANDIDA.Whatisit,Eugene--thescrubbingbrush?(He shudders.)Well,there!nevermind.(Shesitsdownbeside him.)Wouldn'tyouliketopresentmewithanicenewone,with anivorybackinlaidwithmother-of-pearl? MARCHBANKS(softlyandmusically,butsadlyandlongingly).No, notascrubbingbrush,butaboat--atinyshalloptosailaway in,farfromtheworld,wherethemarblefloorsarewashedbythe

rainanddriedbythesun,wherethesouthwindduststhe beautifulgreenandpurplecarpets.Orachariot--tocarryusup intothesky,wherethelampsarestars,anddon'tneedtobe filledwithparaffinoileveryday. MORELL(harshly).Andwherethereisnothingtodobuttobe idle,selfishanduseless. CANDIDA(jarred).Oh,James,howcouldyouspoilitall! MARCHBANKS(firingup).Yes,tobeidle,selfishanduseless: thatistobebeautifulandfreeandhappy:hasn'teveryman desiredthatwithallhissoulforthewomanheloves?That'smy ideal:what'syours,andthatofallthedreadfulpeoplewholive inthesehideousrowsofhouses?Sermonsandscrubbingbrushes! Withyoutopreachthesermonandyourwifetoscrub. CANDIDA(quaintly).Hecleanstheboots,Eugene.Youwillhaveto cleanthemto-morrowforsayingthatabouthim. MARCHBANKS.Oh!don'ttalkaboutboots.Yourfeetshouldbe beautifulonthemountains. CANDIDA.MyfeetwouldnotbebeautifulontheHackneyRoad withoutboots. BURGESS(scandalized).Come,Candy,don'tbevulgar.Mr. Morchbanksain'taccustomedtoit.You'regivin'himthe'orrors again.Imeanthepoeticones. (Morellissilent.Apparentlyheisbusywithhisletters:really heispuzzlingwithmisgivingoverhisnewandalarming experiencethatthesurerheisofhismoralthrusts,themore swiftlyandeffectivelyEugeneparriesthem.Tofindhimself beginningtofearamanwhomhedoesnotrespectaffectshim bitterly.) (MissGarnettcomesinwithatelegram.) PROSERPINE(handingthetelegramtoMorell).Replypaid.The boy'swaiting.(ToCandida,comingbacktohermachineand

sittingdown.)Mariaisreadyforyounowinthekitchen,Mrs. Morell.(Candidarises.)Theonionshavecome. MARCHBANKS(convulsively).Onions! CANDIDA.Yes,onions.NotevenSpanishones--nastylittlered onions.Youshallhelpmetoslicethem.Comealong. (Shecatcheshimbythewristandrunsout,pullinghimafter her.Burgessrisesinconsternation,andstandsaghastonthe hearth-rug,staringafterthem.) BURGESS.Candydidn'toughter'andleapeer'snevvylikethat. It'sgoin'toofurwithit.Lookee'ere,James:do'eoftengit takenqueerlikethat? MORELL(shortly,writingatelegram).Idon'tknow. BURGESS(sentimentally).Hetalksverypretty.Iallushada turnforabitofpotery.Candytakesartermethat-a-way:huse termakemetellherfairystorieswhenshewason'yalittle kiddynotthat'igh(indicatingastatureoftwofeetor thereabouts). MORELL(preoccupied).Ah,indeed.(Heblotsthetelegram,and goesout.) PROSERPINE.Usedyoutomakethefairystoriesupoutofyourown head? (Burgess,notdeigningtoreply,strikesanattitudeofthe haughtiestdisdainonthehearth-rug.) PROSERPINE(calmly).Ishouldneverhavesupposedyouhaditin you.Bytheway,I'dbetterwarnyou,sinceyou'vetakensucha fancytoMr.Marchbanks.He'smad. BURGESS.Mad!Wot!'Imtoo!! PROSERPINE.MadasaMarchhare.Hedidfrightenme,Icantell youjustbeforeyoucameinthattime.Haven'tyounoticedthe

queerthingshesays? BURGESS.Sothat'swotthepoetic'orrorsmeans.Blamemeifit didn'tcomeintomyheadonceortwystthathemustbeoffhis chump!(Hecrossestheroomtothedoor,liftinguphisvoiceas hegoes.)Well,thisisaprettysortofasylumforamantobe in,withnoonebutyoutotakecareofhim! PROSERPINE(ashepassesher).Yes,whatadreadfulthingit wouldbeifanythinghappenedtoYOU! BURGESS(loftily).Don'tyouaddressnoremarkstome.Tellyour hemployerthatI'vegoneintothegardenforasmoke. PROSERPINE(mocking).Oh! (BeforeBurgesscanretort,Morellcomesback.) BURGESS(sentimentally).Goin'foraturninthegardentosmoke, James. MORELL(brusquely).Oh,allright,allright.(Burgessgoesout patheticallyinthecharacterofthewearyoldman.Morellstands atthetable,turningoverhispapers,andadding,acrossto Proserpine,halfhumorously,halfabsently)Well,MissProssy, whyhaveyoubeencallingmyfather-in-lawnames? PROSERPINE(blushingfieryred,andlookingquicklyupathim, halfscared,halfreproachful).I--(Sheburstsintotears.) MORELL(withtendergaiety,leaningacrossthetabletowardsher, andconsolingher).Oh,come,come,come!Nevermind,Pross:he ISasillyoldfathead,isn'the? (Withanexplosivesob,shemakesadashatthedoor,and vanishes,bangingit.Morell,shakinghisheadresignedly,sighs, andgoeswearilytohischair,wherehesitsdownandsetsto work,lookingoldandcareworn.) (Candidacomesin.Shehasfinishedherhouseholdworkandtaken oftheapron.Sheatoncenoticeshisdejectedappearance,and

postsherselfquietlyatthesparechair,lookingdownathim attentively;butshesaysnothing.) MORELL(lookingup,butwithhispenraisedreadytoresumehis work).Well?WhereisEugene? CANDIDA.Washinghishandsinthescullery--underthetap.He willmakeanexcellentcookifhecanonlygetoverhisdreadof Maria. MORELL(shortly).Ha!Nodoubt.(Hebeginswritingagain.) CANDIDA(goingnearer,andputtingherhanddownsoftlyonhisto stophim,asshesays).Comehere,dear.Letmelookatyou.(He dropshispenandyieldshimselfatherdisposal.Shemakeshim riseandbringshimalittleawayfromthetable,lookingathim criticallyallthetime.)Turnyourfacetothelight.(She placeshimfacingthewindow.)Myboyisnotlookingwell.Hashe beenoverworking? MORELL.Nothingmorethanusual. CANDIDA.Helooksverypale,andgrey,andwrinkled,andold. (Hismelancholydeepens;andsheattacksitwithwilfulgaiety.) Here(pullinghimtowardstheeasychair)you'vedoneenough writingforto-day.LeaveProssytofinishitandcomeandtalk tome. MORELL.But-- CANDIDA.Yes,IMUSTbetalkedtosometimes.(Shemakeshimsit down,andseatsherselfonthecarpetbesidehisknee.)Now (pattinghishand)you'rebeginningtolookbetteralready.Why don'tyougiveupallthistiresomeoverworking--goingoutevery nightlecturingandtalking?Ofcoursewhatyousayisallvery trueandveryright;butitdoesnogood:theydon'tmindwhat yousaytothemonelittlebit.Ofcoursetheyagreewithyou; butwhat'stheuseofpeopleagreeingwithyouiftheygoanddo justtheoppositeofwhatyoutellthemthemomentyourbackis turned?LookatourcongregationatSt.Dominic's!Whydothey cometohearyoutalkingaboutChristianityeverySunday?Why,

justbecausethey'vebeensofullofbusinessandmoney-making forsixdaysthattheywanttoforgetallaboutitandhavea restontheseventh,sothattheycangobackfreshandmake moneyharderthanever!Youpositivelyhelpthematitinsteadof hinderingthem. MORELL(withenergeticseriousness).Youknowverywell,Candida, thatIoftenblowthemupsoundlyforthat.Butifthereis nothingintheirchurch-goingbutrestanddiversion,whydon't theytrysomethingmoreamusing--moreself-indulgent?Theremust besomegoodinthefactthattheypreferSt.Dominic'stoworse placesonSundays. CANDIDA.Oh,theworstplacesaren'topen;andeveniftheywere, theydaren'tbeseengoingtothem.Besides,James,dear,you preachsosplendidlythatit'sasgoodasaplayforthem.Why doyouthinkthewomenaresoenthusiastic? MORELL(shocked).Candida! CANDIDA.Oh,_I_know.Yousillyboy:youthinkit'syour Socialismandyourreligion;butifitwasthat,they'ddowhat youtelltheminsteadofonlycomingtolookatyou.Theyall haveProssy'scomplaint. MORELL.Prossy'scomplaint!Whatdoyoumean,Candida? CANDIDA.Yes,Prossy,andalltheothersecretariesyoueverhad. WhydoesProssycondescendtowashupthethings,andtopeel potatoesandabaseherselfinallmannerofwaysforsix shillingsaweeklessthansheusedtogetinacityoffice? She'sinlovewithyou,James:that'sthereason.They'reallin lovewithyou.Andyouareinlovewithpreachingbecauseyoudo itsobeautifully.Andyouthinkit'sallenthusiasmforthe kingdomofHeavenonearth;andsodothey.Youdearsilly! MORELL.Candida:whatdreadful,whatsoul-destroyingcynicism! Areyoujesting?Or--canitbe?--areyoujealous? CANDIDA(withcuriousthoughtfulness).Yes,Ifeelalittle jealoussometimes.

MORELL(incredulously).What!OfProssy? CANDIDA(laughing).No,no,no,no.Notjealousofanybody. Jealousforsomebodyelse,whoisnotlovedasheoughttobe. MORELL.Me! CANDIDA.You!Why,you'respoiledwithloveandworship:youget farmorethanisgoodforyou.No:ImeanEugene. MORELL(startled).Eugene! CANDIDA.Itseemsunfairthatalltheloveshouldgotoyou,and nonetohim,althoughheneedsitsomuchmorethanyoudo.(A convulsivemovementshakeshiminspiteofhimself.)What'sthe matter?AmIworryingyou? MORELL(hastily).Notatall.(Lookingatherwithtroubled intensity.)YouknowthatIhaveperfectconfidenceinyou, Candida. CANDIDA.Youvainthing!Areyousosureofyourirresistible attractions? MORELL.Candida:youareshockingme.Ineverthoughtofmy attractions.Ithoughtofyourgoodness--yourpurity.Thatis whatIconfidein. CANDIDA.Whatanasty,uncomfortablethingtosaytome!Oh,you AREaclergyman,James--athoroughclergyman. MORELL(turningawayfromher,heart-stricken).SoEugenesays. CANDIDA(withlivelyinterest,leaningovertohimwithherarms onhisknee).Eugene'salwaysright.He'sawonderfulboy:Ihave grownfonderandfonderofhimallthetimeIwasaway.Doyou know,James,thatthoughhehasnottheleastsuspicionofit himself,heisreadytofallmadlyinlovewithme? MORELL(grimly).Oh,hehasnosuspicionofithimself,hasn't

he? CANDIDA.Notabit.(Shetakesherarmsfromhisknee,andturns thoughtfully,sinkingintoamorerestfulattitudewithherhands inherlap.)Somedayhewillknowwhenheisgrownupand experienced,likeyou.AndhewillknowthatImusthaveknown. Iwonderwhathewillthinkofmethen. MORELL.Noevil,Candida.Ihopeandtrust,noevil. CANDIDA(dubiously).Thatwilldepend. MORELL(bewildered).Depend! CANDIDA(lookingathim).Yes:itwilldependonwhathappensto him.(Helookvacantlyather.)Don'tyousee?Itwilldependon howhecomestolearnwhatlovereallyis.Imeanonthesortof womanwhowillteachittohim. MORELL(quiteataloss).Yes.No.Idon'tknowwhatyoumean. CANDIDA(explaining).Ifhelearnsitfromagoodwoman,thenit willbeallright:hewillforgiveme. MORELL.Forgive! CANDIDA.Butsupposehelearnsitfromabadwoman,assomany mendo,especiallypoeticmen,whoimagineallwomenareangels! Supposeheonlydiscoversthevalueoflovewhenhehasthrownit awayanddegradedhimselfinhisignorance.Willheforgiveme then,doyouthink? MORELL.Forgiveyouforwhat? CANDIDA(realizinghowstupidheis,andalittledisappointed, thoughquitetenderlyso).Don'tyouunderstand?(Heshakeshis head.Sheturnstohimagain,soastoexplainwiththefondest intimacy.)Imean,willheforgivemefornotteachinghim myself?Forabandoninghimtothebadwomenforthesakeofmy goodness--mypurity,asyoucallit?Ah,James,howlittleyou understandme,totalkofyourconfidenceinmygoodnessand

purity!IwouldgivethembothtopoorEugeneaswillinglyasI wouldgivemyshawltoabeggardyingofcold,iftherewere nothingelsetorestrainme.Putyourtrustinmyloveforyou, James,forifthatwent,Ishouldcareverylittleforyour sermons--merephrasesthatyoucheatyourselfandotherswith everyday.(Sheisabouttorise.) MORELL.HISwords! CANDIDA(checkingherselfquicklyintheactofgettingup,so thatsheisonherknees,butupright).Whosewords? MORELL.Eugene's. CANDIDA(delighted).Heisalwaysright.Heunderstandsyou;he understandsme;heunderstandsProssy;andyou,James--you understandnothing.(Shelaughs,andkisseshimtoconsolehim. Herecoilsasifstung,andspringsup.) MORELL.Howcanyoubeartodothatwhen--oh,Candida(with anguishinhisvoice)Ihadratheryouhadplungedagrappling ironintomyheartthangivenmethatkiss. CANDIDA(rising,alarmed).Mydear:what'sthematter? MORELL(franticallywavingheroff).Don'ttouchme. CANDIDA(amazed).James! (TheyareinterruptedbytheentranceofMarchbanks,with Burgess,whostopsnearthedoor,staring,whilstEugenehurries forwardbetweenthem.) MARCHBANKS.Isanythingthematter? MORELL(deadlywhite,puttinganironconstraintonhimself). Nothingbutthis:thateitheryouwererightthismorning,or Candidaismad.

PART2

BURGESS (in loudest protest). Wot! Candy mad too! Oh, come, come, come! (He crosses the room to the fireplace, protesting as he goes, and knocks the ashes out of his pipe on the bars. Morell sits down desperately, leaning forward to hide his face, and interlacing his fingers rigidly to keep them steady.) CANDIDA (to Morell, relieved and laughing). Oh, you're only shocked! Is that all? How conventional all you unconventional people are! BURGESS. Come: be'ave yourself, Candy. What'll Mr. Morchbanks think of you? CANDIDA. This comes of James teaching me to think for myself, and never to hold back out of fear of what other people may think of me. It works beautifully as long as I think the same things as he does. But now, because I have just thought something different!-- look at him--just look! (She points to Morell, greatly amused. Eugene looks, and instantly presses his band on his heart, as if some deadly pain had shot through it, and sits down on the sofa like a man witnessing a tragedy.) BURGESS (on the hearth-rug). Well, James, you certainly ain't as himpressive lookin' as usu'l. MORELL (with a laugh which is half a sob). I suppose not. I beg all your pardons: I was not conscious of making a fuss. (Pulling himself together.) Well, well, well, well, well! (He goes back to his place at the table, setting to work at his papers again with resolute cheerfulness.) CANDIDA (going to the sofa and sitting beside Marchbanks, still in a bantering humor). Well, Eugene, why are you so sad? Did the onions make you cry?

(Morell cannot prevent himself from watching them.) MARCHBANKS (aside to her). It is your cruelty. I hate cruelty. It is a horrible thing to see one person make another suffer. CANDIDA (petting him ironically). Poor boy, have I been cruel? Did I make it slice nasty little red onions? MARCHBANKS (earnestly). Oh, stop, stop: I don't mean myself. You have made him suffer frightfully. I feel his pain in my own heart. I know that it is not your fault--it is something that must happen; but don't make light of it. I shudder when you torture him and laugh. CANDIDA (incredulously). I torture James! Nonsense, Eugene: how you exaggerate! Silly! (She looks round at Morell, who hastily resumes his writing. She goes to him and stands behind his chair, bending over him.) Don't work any more, dear. Come and talk to us. MORELL (affectionately but bitterly). Ah no: I can't talk. I can only preach. CANDIDA (caressing him). Well, come and preach. BURGESS (strongly remonstrating). Aw, no, Candy. 'Ang it all! (Lexy Mill comes in, looking anxious and important.) LEXY (hastening to shake hands with Candida). How do you do, Mrs. Morell? So glad to see you back again. CANDIDA. Thank you, Lexy. You know Eugene, don't you? LEXY. Oh, yes. How do you do, Marchbanks? MARCHBANKS. Quite well, thanks. LEXY (to Morell). I've just come from the Guild of St. Matthew. They are in the greatest consternation about your telegram. There's nothing wrong, is there?

CANDIDA. What did you telegraph about, James? LEXY (to Candida). He was to have spoken for them tonight. They've taken the large hall in Mare Street and spent a lot of money on posters. Morell's telegram was to say he couldn't come. It came on them like a thunderbolt. CANDIDA (surprized, and beginning to suspect something wrong). Given up an engagement to speak! BURGESS. First time in his life, I'll bet. Ain' it, Candy? LEXY (to Morell). They decided to send an urgent telegram to you asking whether you could not change your mind. Have you received it? MORELL (with restrained impatience). Yes, yes: I got it. LEXY. It was reply paid. MORELL. Yes, I know. I answered it. I can't go. CANDIDA. But why, James? MORELL (almost fiercely). Because I don't choose. These people forget that I am a man: they think I am a talking machine to be turned on for their pleasure every evening of my life. May I not have ONE night at home, with my wife, and my friends? (They are all amazed at this outburst, except Eugene. His expression remains unchanged.) CANDIDA. Oh, James, you know you'll have an attack of bad conscience to-morrow; and _I_ shall have to suffer for that. LEXY (intimidated, but urgent). I know, of course, that they make the most unreasonable demands on you. But they have been telegraphing all over the place for another speaker: and they can get nobody but the President of the Agnostic League. MORELL (promptly). Well, an excellent man. What better do they

want? LEXY. But he always insists so powerfully on the divorce of Socialism from Christianity. He will undo all the good we have been doing. Of course you know best; but--(He hesitates.) CANDIDA (coaxingly). Oh, DO go, James. We'll all go. BURGESS (grumbling). Look 'ere, Candy! I say! Let's stay at home by the fire, comfortable. He won't need to be more'n a couple-o'-hour away. CANDIDA. You'll be just as comfortable at the meeting. We'll all sit on the platform and be great people. EUGENE (terrified). Oh, please don't let us go on the platform. No--everyone will stare at us--I couldn't. I'll sit at the back of the room. CANDIDA. Don't be afraid. They'll be too busy looking at James to notice you. MORELL (turning his head and looking meaningly at her over his shoulder). Prossy's complaint, Candida! Eh? CANDIDA (gaily). Yes. BURGESS (mystified). Prossy's complaint. Wot are you talking about, James? MORELL (not heeding him, rises; goes to the door; and holds it open, shouting in a commanding voice). Miss Garnett. PROSERPINE (in the distance). Yes, Mr. Morell. Coming. (They all wait, except Burgess, who goes stealthily to Lexy and draws him aside.) BURGESS. Listen here, Mr. Mill. Wot's Prossy's complaint? Wot's wrong with 'er? LEXY (confidentially). Well, I don't exactly know; but she spoke

very strangely to me this morning. I'm afraid she's a little out of her mind sometimes. BURGESS (overwhelmed). Why, it must be catchin'! Four in the same 'ouse! (He goes back to the hearth, quite lost before the instability of the human intellect in a clergyman's house.) PROSERPINE (appearing on the threshold). What is it, Mr. Morell? MORELL. Telegraph to the Guild of St. Matthew that I am coming. PROSERPINE (surprised). Don't they expect you? MORELL (peremptorily). Do as I tell you. (Proserpine frightened, sits down at her typewriter, and obeys. Morell goes across to Burgess, Candida watching his movements all the time with growing wonder and misgiving.) MORELL. Burgess: you don't want to come? BURGESS (in deprecation). Oh, don't put it like that, James. It's only that it ain't Sunday, you know. MORELL. I'm sorry. I thought you might like to be introduced to the chairman. He's on the Works Committee of the County Council and has some influence in the matter of contracts. (Burgess wakes up at once. Morell, expecting as much, waits a moment, and says) Will you come? BURGESS (with enthusiasm). Course I'll come, James. Ain' it always a pleasure to 'ear you. MORELL (turning from him). I shall want you to take some notes at the meeting, Miss Garnett, if you have no other engagement. (She nods, afraid to speak.) You are coming, Lexy, I suppose. LEXY. Certainly. CANDIDA. We are all coming, James.

MORELL. No: you are not coming; and Eugene is not coming. You will stay here and entertain him--to celebrate your return home. (Eugene rises, breathless.) CANDIDA. But James-- MORELL (authoritatively). I insist. You do not want to come; and he does not want to come. (Candida is about to protest.) Oh, don't concern yourselves: I shall have plenty of people without you: your chairs will be wanted by unconverted people who have never heard me before. CANDIDA (troubled). Eugene: wouldn't you like to come? MORELL. I should be afraid to let myself go before Eugene: he is so critical of sermons. (Looking at him.) He knows I am afraid of him: he told me as much this morning. Well, I shall show him how much afraid I am by leaving him here in your custody, Candida. MARCHBANKS (to himself, with vivid feeling). That's brave. That's beautiful. (He sits down again listening with parted lips.) CANDIDA (with anxious misgiving). But--but--Is anything the matter, James? (Greatly troubled.) I can't understand-- MORELL. Ah, I thought it was I who couldn't understand, dear. (He takes her tenderly in his arms and kisses her on the forehead; then looks round quietly at Marchbanks.) ACT III Late in the evening. Past ten. The curtains are drawn, and the lamps lighted. The typewriter is in its case; the large table has been cleared and tidied; everything indicates that the day's work is done. Candida and Marchbanks are seated at the fire. The reading lamp is on the mantelshelf above Marchbanks, who is sitting on the small chair reading aloud from a manuscript. A little pile of

manuscripts and a couple of volumes of poetry are on the carpet beside him. Candida is in the easy chair with the poker, a light brass one, upright in her hand. She is leaning back and looking at the point of it curiously, with her feet stretched towards the blaze and her heels resting on the fender, profoundly unconscious of her appearance and surroundings. MARCHBANKS (breaking off in his recitation): Every poet that ever lived has put that thought into a sonnet. He must: he can't help it. (He looks to her for assent, and notices her absorption in the poker.) Haven't you been listening? (No response.) Mrs. Morell! CANDIDA (starting). Eh? MARCHBANKS. Haven't you been listening? CANDIDA (with a guilty excess of politeness). Oh, yes. It's very nice. Go on, Eugene. I'm longing to hear what happens to the angel. MARCHBANKS (crushed--the manuscript dropping from his hand to the floor). I beg your pardon for boring you. CANDIDA. But you are not boring me, I assure you. Please go on. Do, Eugene. MARCHBANKS. I finished the poem about the angel quarter of an hour ago. I've read you several things since. CANDIDA (remorsefully). I'm so sorry, Eugene. I think the poker must have fascinated me. (She puts it down.) MARCHBANKS. It made me horribly uneasy. CANDIDA. Why didn't you tell me? I'd have put it down at once. MARCHBANKS. I was afraid of making you uneasy, too. It looked as if it were a weapon. If I were a hero of old, I should have laid my drawn sword between us. If Morell had come in he would have

thought you had taken up the poker because there was no sword between us. CANDIDA (wondering). What? (With a puzzled glance at him.) I can't quite follow that. Those sonnets of yours have perfectly addled me. Why should there be a sword between us? MARCHBANKS (evasively). Oh, never mind. (He stoops to pick up the manuscript.) CANDIDA. Put that down again, Eugene. There are limits to my appetite for poetry--even your poetry. You've been reading to me for more than two hours--ever since James went out. I want to talk. MARCHBANKS (rising, scared). No: I mustn't talk. (He looks round him in his lost way, and adds, suddenly) I think I'll go out and take a walk in the park. (Making for the door.) CANDIDA. Nonsense: it's shut long ago. Come and sit down on the hearth-rug, and talk moonshine as you usually do. I want to be amused. Don't you want to? MARCHBANKS (in half terror, half rapture). Yes. CANDIDA. Then come along. (She moves her chair back a little to make room. He hesitates; then timidly stretches himself on the hearth-rug, face upwards, and throws back his head across her knees, looking up at her.) MARCHBANKS. Oh, I've been so miserable all the evening, because I was doing right. Now I'm doing wrong; and I'm happy. CANDIDA (tenderly amused at him). Yes: I'm sure you feel a great grown up wicked deceiver--quite proud of yourself, aren't you? MARCHBANKS (raising his head quickly and turning a little to look round at her). Take care. I'm ever so much older than you, if you only knew. (He turns quite over on his knees, with his hands clasped and his arms on her lap, and speaks with growing impulse, his blood beginning to stir.) May I say some wicked things to

you? CANDIDA (without the least fear or coldness, quite nobly, and with perfect respect for his passion, but with a touch of her wise-hearted maternal humor). No. But you may say anything you really and truly feel. Anything at all, no matter what it is. I am not afraid, so long as it is your real self that speaks, and not a mere attitude--a gallant attitude, or a wicked attitude, or even a poetic attitude. I put you on your honor and truth. Now say whatever you want to. MARCHBANKS (the eager expression vanishing utterly from his lips and nostrils as his eyes light up with pathetic spirituality). Oh, now I can't say anything: all the words I know belong to some attitude or other--all except one. CANDIDA. What one is that? MARCHBANKS (softly, losing himself in the music of the name). Candida, Candida, Candida, Candida, Candida. I must say that now, because you have put me on my honor and truth; and I never think or feel Mrs. Morell: it is always Candida. CANDIDA. Of course. And what have you to say to Candida? MARCHBANKS. Nothing, but to repeat your name a thousand times. Don't you feel that every time is a prayer to you? CANDIDA. Doesn't it make you happy to be able to pray? MARCHBANKS. Yes, very happy. CANDIDA. Well, that happiness is the answer to your prayer. Do you want anything more? MARCHBANKS (in beatitude). No: I have come into heaven, where want is unknown. (Morell comes in. He halts on the threshold, and takes in the scene at a glance.)

MORELL (grave and self-contained). I hope I don't disturb you. (Candida starts up violently, but without the smallest embarrassment, laughing at herself. Eugene, still kneeling, saves himself from falling by putting his hands on the seat of the chair, and remains there, staring open mouthed at Morell.) CANDIDA (as she rises). Oh, James, how you startled me! I was so taken up with Eugene that I didn't hear your latch-key. How did the meeting go off? Did you speak well? MORELL. I have never spoken better in my life. CANDIDA. That was first rate! How much was the collection? MORELL. I forgot to ask. CANDIDA (to Eugene). He must have spoken splendidly, or he would never have forgotten that. (To Morell.) Where are all the others? MORELL. They left long before I could get away: I thought I should never escape. I believe they are having supper somewhere. CANDIDA (in her domestic business tone). Oh; in that case, Maria may go to bed. I'll tell her. (She goes out to the kitchen.) MORELL (looking sternly down at Marchbanks). Well? MARCHBANKS (squatting cross-legged on the hearth-rug, and actually at ease with Morell--even impishly humorous). Well? MORELL. Have you anything to tell me? MARCHBANKS. Only that I have been making a fool of myself here in private whilst you have been making a fool of yourself in public. MORELL. Hardly in the same way, I think. MARCHBANKS (scrambling up--eagerly). The very, very, VERY same way. I have been playing the good man just like you. When you began your heroics about leaving me here with Candida--

MORELL (involuntarily). Candida? MARCHBANKS. Oh, yes: I've got that far. Heroics are infectious: I caught the disease from you. I swore not to say a word in your absence that I would not have said a month ago in your presence. MORELL. Did you keep your oath? MARCHBANKS. (suddenly perching himself grotesquely on the easy chair). I was ass enough to keep it until about ten minutes ago. Up to that moment I went on desperately reading to her--reading my own poems--anybody's poems--to stave off a conversation. I was standing outside the gate of Heaven, and refusing to go in. Oh, you can't think how heroic it was, and how uncomfortable! Then-- MORELL (steadily controlling his suspense). Then? MARCHBANKS (prosaically slipping down into a quite ordinary attitude in the chair). Then she couldn't bear being read to any longer. MORELL. And you approached the gate of Heaven at last? MARCHBANKS. Yes. MORELL. Well? (Fiercely.) Speak, man: have you no feeling for me? MARCHBANKS (softly and musically). Then she became an angel; and there was a flaming sword that turned every way, so that I couldn't go in; for I saw that that gate was really the gate of Hell. MORELL (triumphantly). She repulsed you! MARCHBANKS (rising in wild scorn). No, you fool: if she had done that I should never have seen that I was in Heaven already. Repulsed me! You think that would have saved me--virtuous indignation! Oh, you are not worthy to live in the same world with her. (He turns away contemptuously to the other side of the room.)

MORELL (who has watched him quietly without changing his place). Do you think you make yourself more worthy by reviling me, Eugene? MARCHBANKS. Here endeth the thousand and first lesson. Morell: I don't think much of your preaching after all: I believe I could do it better myself. The man I want to meet is the man that Candida married. MORELL. The man that--? Do you mean me? MARCHBANKS. I don't mean the Reverend James Mavor Morell, moralist and windbag. I mean the real man that the Reverend James must have hidden somewhere inside his black coat--the man that Candida loved. You can't make a woman like Candida love you by merely buttoning your collar at the back instead of in front. MORELL (boldly and steadily). When Candida promised to marry me, I was the same moralist and windbag that you now see. I wore my black coat; and my collar was buttoned behind instead of in front. Do you think she would have loved me any the better for being insincere in my profession? MARCHBANKS (on the sofa hugging his ankles). Oh, she forgave you, just as she forgives me for being a coward, and a weakling, and what you call a snivelling little whelp and all the rest of it. (Dreamily.) A woman like that has divine insight: she loves our souls, and not our follies and vanities and illusions, or our collars and coats, or any other of the rags and tatters we are rolled up in. (He reflects on this for an instant; then turns intently to question Morell.) What I want to know is how you got past the flaming sword that stopped me. MORELL (meaningly). Perhaps because I was not interrupted at the end of ten minutes. MARCHBANKS (taken aback). What! MORELL. Man can climb to the highest summits; but he cannot dwell there long.

MARCHBANKS. It's false: there can he dwell for ever and there only. It's in the other moments that he can find no rest, no sense of the silent glory of life. Where would you have me spend my moments, if not on the summits? MORELL. In the scullery, slicing onions and filling lamps. MARCHBANKS. Or in the pulpit, scrubbing cheap earthenware souls? MORELL. Yes, that, too. It was there that I earned my golden moment, and the right, in that moment, to ask her to love me. I did not take the moment on credit; nor did I use it to steal another man's happiness. MARCHBANKS (rather disgustedly, trotting back towards the fireplace). I have no doubt you conducted the transaction as honestly as if you were buying a pound of cheese. (He stops on the brink of the, hearth-rug and adds, thoughtfully, to himself, with his back turned to Morell) I could only go to her as a beggar. MORELL (starting). A beggar dying of cold--asking for her shawl? MARCHBANKS (turning, surprised). Thank you for touching up my poetry. Yes, if you like, a beggar dying of cold asking for her shawl. MORELL (excitedly). And she refused. Shall I tell you why she refused? I CAN tell you, on her own authority. It was because of-- MARCHBANKS. She didn't refuse. MORELL. Not! MARCHBANKS. She offered me all I chose to ask for, her shawl, her wings, the wreath of stars on her head, the lilies in her hand, the crescent moon beneath her feet-- MORELL (seizing him). Out with the truth, man: my wife is my wife: I want no more of your poetic fripperies. I know well that

if I have lost her love and you have gained it, no law will bind her. MARCHBANKS (quaintly, without fear or resistance). Catch me by the shirt collar, Morell: she will arrange it for me afterwards as she did this morning. (With quiet rapture.) I shall feel her hands touch me. MORELL. You young imp, do you know how dangerous it is to say that to me? Or (with a sudden misgiving) has something made you brave? MARCHBANKS. I'm not afraid now. I disliked you before: that was why I shrank from your touch. But I saw to-day--when she tortured you--that you love her. Since then I have been your friend: you may strangle me if you like. MORELL (releasing him). Eugene: if that is not a heartless lie-- if you have a spark of human feeling left in you--will you tell me what has happened during my absence? MARCHBANKS. What happened! Why, the flaming sword--(Morell stamps with impatience.) Well, in plain prose, I loved her so exquisitely that I wanted nothing more than the happiness of being in such love. And before I had time to come down from the highest summits, you came in. MORELL (suffering deeply). So it is still unsettled--still the misery of doubt. MARCHBANKS. Misery! I am the happiest of men. I desire nothing now but her happiness. (With dreamy enthusiasm.) Oh, Morell, let us both give her up. Why should she have to choose between a wretched little nervous disease like me, and a pig-headed parson like you? Let us go on a pilgrimage, you to the east and I to the west, in search of a worthy lover for her--some beautiful archangel with purple wings-- MORELL. Some fiddlestick. Oh, if she is mad enough to leave me for you, who will protect her? Who will help her? who will work

for her? who will be a father to her children? (He sits down distractedly on the sofa, with his elbows on his knees and his head propped on his clenched fists.) MARCHBANKS (snapping his fingers wildly). She does not ask those silly questions. It is she who wants somebody to protect, to help, to work for--somebody to give her children to protect, to help and to work for. Some grown up man who has become as a little child again. Oh, you fool, you fool, you triple fool! I am the man, Morell: I am the man. (He dances about excitedly, crying.) You don't understand what a woman is. Send for her, Morell: send for her and let her choose between--(The door opens and Candida enters. He stops as if petrified.) CANDIDA (amazed, on the threshold). What on earth are you at, Eugene? MARCHBANKS (oddly). James and I are having a preaching match; and he is getting the worst of it. (Candida looks quickly round at Morell. Seeing that he is distressed, she hurries down to him, greatly vexed, speaking with vigorous reproach to Marchbanks.) CANDIDA. You have been annoying him. Now I won't have it, Eugene: do you hear? (Putting her hand on Morell's shoulder, and quite forgetting her wifely tact in her annoyance.) My boy shall not be worried: I will protect him. MORELL (rising proudly). Protect! CANDIDA (not heeding him--to Eugene). What have you been saying? MARCHBANKS (appalled). Nothing-- CANDIDA. Eugene! Nothing? MARCHBANKS (piteously). I mean--I--I'm very sorry. I won't do it again: indeed I won't. I'll let him alone. MORELL (indignantly, with an aggressive movement towards Eugene). Let me alone! You young--

CANDIDA (Stopping him). Sh--no, let me deal with him, James. MARCHBANKS. Oh, you're not angry with me, are you? CANDIDA (severely). Yes, I am--very angry. I have a great mind to pack you out of the house. MORELL (taken aback by Candida's vigor, and by no means relishing the sense of being rescued by her from another man). Gently, Candida,gently.Iamabletotakecareofmyself.CANDIDA(pettinghim).Yes,dear:ofcourseyouare.Butyoumustn'tbeannoyedandmademiserable.MARCHBANKS(almostintears,turningtothedoor).I'llgo.CANDIDA.Oh,youneedn'tgo:Ican'tturnyououtatthistimeofnight.(Vehemently.)Shameonyou!Forshame!MARCHBANKS(desperately).ButwhathaveIdone?CANDIDA.Iknowwhatyouhavedone--aswellasifIhadbeenhereallthetime.Oh,itwasunworthy!Youarelikeachild:youcannotholdyourtongue.MARCHBANKS.Iwoulddietentimesoversoonerthangiveyouamoment'spain.CANDIDA(withinfinitecontemptforthispuerility).Muchgoodyourdyingwoulddome!MORELL.Candida,mydear:thisaltercationishardlyquiteseemingly.Itisamatterbetweentwomen;andIamtherightpersontosettleit.CANDIDA.TwoMEN!Doyoucallthataman?(ToEugene.)Youbadboy!MARCHBANKS(gatheringawhimsicallyaffectionatecouragefromthescolding).IfIamtobescoldedlikethis,Imustmakeaboy'sexcuse.Hebeganit.Andhe'sbiggerthanIam.CANDIDA(losingconfidencealittleasherconcernforMorell'sdignitytakesthealarm).Thatcan'tbetrue.(ToMorell.)Youdidn'tbeginit,James,didyou?MORELL(contemptuously).No.MARCHBANKS(indignant).Oh!MORELL(toEugene).YOUbeganit--thismorning.(Candida,instantlyconnectingthiswithhismysteriousallusionintheafternoontosomethingtoldhimbyEugeneinthemorning,looksquicklyathim,wrestlingwiththeenigma.Morellproceedswiththeemphasisofoffendedsuperiority.)Butyourotherpointistrue.Iamcertainlythebiggerofthetwo,and,Ihope,thestronger,Candida.Soyouhadbetterleavethematterinmyhands.CANDIDA(againsoothinghim).Yes,dear;but--(Troubled.)Idon'tunderstandaboutthismorning.MORELL(gentlysnubbingher).Youneednotunderstand,mydear.CANDIDA.But,James,I--(Thestreetbellrings.)Oh,bother!Heretheyallcome.(Shegoesouttoletthemin.)MARCHBANKS(runningtoMorell).Oh,Morell,isn'titdreadful?She'sangrywithus:shehatesme.WhatshallIdo?MORELL(withquaintdesperation,clutchinghimselfbythehair).Eugene:myheadisspinninground.Ishallbegintolaughpresently.(Hewalksupanddownthemiddleoftheroom.)MARCHBANKS(followinghimanxiously).No,no:she'llthinkI'vethrownyouintohysterics.Don'tlaugh.(Boisterousvoicesandlaughterareheardapproaching.LexyMill,hiseyessparkling,andhisbearingdenotingunwontedelevationofspirit,enterswithBurgess,whoisgreasyandself-complacent,buthasallhiswitsabouthim.MissGarnett,withhersmartesthatandjacketon,followsthem;butthoughhereyesarebrighterthanbefore,sheisevidentlyapreytomisgiving.Sheplacesherselfwithherbacktohertypewriting

table,withonehandonittorestherself,passestheotheracrossherforeheadasifshewerealittletiredandgiddy.Marchbanksrelapsesintoshynessandedgesawayintothecornernearthewindow,whereMorell'sbooksare.)MILL(exhilaratedly).Morell:IMUSTcongratulateyou.(Graspinghishand.)Whatanoble,splendid,inspiredaddressyougaveus!Yousurpassedyourself.BURGESS.Soyoudid,James.Itfairkep'meawaketothelastword.Didn'tit,MissGarnett?PROSERPINE(worriedly).Oh,Iwasn'tmindingyou:Iwastryingtomakenotes.(Shetakesouthernote-book,andlooksatherstenography,whichnearlymakeshercry.)MORELL.DidIgotoofast,Pross?PROSERPINE.Muchtoofast.YouknowIcan'tdomorethanahundredwordsaminute.(Sherelievesherfeelingsbythrowinghernote-bookangrilybesidehermachine,readyforusenextmorning.)MORELL(soothingly).Oh,well,well,nevermind,nevermind,nevermind.Haveyouallhadsupper?LEXY.Mr.BurgesshasbeenkindenoughtogiveusareallysplendidsupperattheBelgrave.BURGESS(witheffusivemagnanimity).Don'tmentionit,Mr.Mill.(Modestly.)You're'artywelcometomylittletreat.PROSERPINE.Wehadchampagne!Inevertasteditbefore.Ifeelquitegiddy.MORELL(surprised).Achampagnesupper!Thatwasveryhandsome.Wasitmyeloquencethatproducedallthisextravagance?MILL(rhetorically).Youreloquence,andMr.Burgess'sgoodnessofheart.(Withafreshburstofexhilaration.)Andwhataveryfinefellowthechairmanis,Morell!Hecametosupperwithus.MORELL(withlongdrawnsignificance,lookingatBurgess).O-o-o-h,thechairman.NOWIunderstand.(Burgess,coveringalivelysatisfactioninhisdiplomaticcunningwithadeprecatorycough,retirestothehearth.Lexyfoldshisarmsandleansagainstthecellaretinahigh-spiritedattitude.Candidacomesinwithglasses,lemons,andajugofhotwateronatray.)CANDIDA.Whowillhavesomelemonade?Youknowourrules:totalabstinence.(Sheputsthetrayonthetable,andtakesupthelemonsqueezers,lookingenquiringlyroundatthem.)MORELL.Nouse,dear.They'veallhadchampagne.Prosshasbrokenherpledge.CANDIDA(toProserpine).Youdon'tmeantosayyou'vebeendrinkingchampagne!PROSERPINE(stubbornly).Yes,Ido.I'monlyabeerteetotaller,notachampagneteetotaller.Idon'tlikebeer.Arethereanylettersformetoanswer,Mr.Morell?MORELL.Nomoreto-night.PROSERPINE.Verywell.Good-night,everybody.LEXY(gallantly).HadInotbetterseeyouhome,MissGarnett?PROSERPINE.No,thankyou.Ishan'ttrustmyselfwithanybodyto-night.IwishIhadn'ttakenanyofthatstuff.(Shewalksstraightout.)BURGESS(indignantly).Stuff,indeed!Thatgurldunnowotchampagneis!PommeryandGreenoattwelveandsixabottle.Shetooktwoglassesa'moststraighthoff.MORELL(alittleanxiousabouther).Goandlookafterher,Lexy.LEXY(alarmed).Butifsheshouldreallybe--Supposeshebegantosinginthestreet,oranythingofthatsort.MORELL.Justso:shemay.That'swhyyou'dbetterseehersafelyhome.CANDIDA.Do,Lexy:there'sagoodfellow.(Sheshakeshishandandpusheshimgentlytothedoor.)LEXY.It'sevidentlymydutytogo.Ihopeitmaynotbenecessary.Good-night,Mrs.Morell.(Totherest.)Good-night.(Hegoes.Candidashutsthedoor.)BURGESS.Hewasgushin'withhextrapietyhisselfartertwosips.Peoplecarn'tdrinkliketheyhuseter.(Dismissingthesubjectandbustlingawayfromthehearth.)Well,James:it'stimetolockup.Mr.Morchbanks:shallI'avethepleasureofyourcompanyforabitofthewayhome?MARCHBANKS(affrightedly).

Yes:I'dbettergo..(Hehurriesacrosstothedoor;butCandidaplacesherselfbeforeit,barringhisway.)CANDIDA(withquietauthority).Yousitdown.You'renotgoingyet.MARCHBANKS(quailing).No:I--Ididn'tmeanto.(Hecomesbackintotheroomandsitsdownabjectlyonthesofa.)CANDIDA.Mr.Marchbankswillstaythenightwithus,papa.BURGESS.Oh,well,I'llsaygood-night.Solong,James.(HeshakeshandswithMorellandgoesontoEugene.)Make'emgiveyouanightlightbyyourbed,Mr.Morchbanks:it'llcomfortyouifyouwakeupinthenightwithatouchofthatcomplaintofyores.Good-night.MARCHBANKS.Thankyou:Iwill.Good-night,Mr.Burgess.(TheyshakehandsandBurgessgoestothedoor.)CANDIDA(interceptingMorell,whoisfollowingBurgess).Stayhere,dear:I'llputonpapa'scoatforhim.(ShegoesoutwithBurgess.)MARCHBANKS.Morell:there'sgoingtobeaterriblescene.Aren'tyouafraid?MORELL.Notintheleast.MARCHBANKS.Ineverenviedyouyourcouragebefore.(HerisestimidlyandputshishandappealinglyonMorell'sforearm.)Standbyme,won'tyou?MORELL(castinghimoffgently,butresolutely).Eachforhimself,Eugene.Shemustchoosebetweenusnow.(HegoestotheothersideoftheroomasCandidareturns.Eugenesitsdownagainonthesofalikeaguiltyschoolboyonhisbestbehaviour.)CANDIDA(betweenthem,addressingEugene).Areyousorry?MARCHBANKS(earnestly).Yes,heartbroken.CANDIDA.Well,then,youareforgiven.Nowgoofftobedlikeagoodlittleboy:IwanttotalktoJamesaboutyou.MARCHBANKS(risingingreatconsternation).Oh,Ican'tdothat,Morell.Imustbehere.I'llnotgoaway.Tellher.CANDIDA(withquicksuspicion).Tellmewhat?(Hiseyesavoidhersfurtively.SheturnsandmutelytransfersthequestiontoMorell.)MORELL(bracinghimselfforthecatastrophe).Ihavenothingtotellher,except(herehisvoicedeepenstoameasuredandmournfultenderness)thatsheismygreatesttreasureonearth--ifsheisreallymine.CANDIDA(coldly,offendedbyhisyieldingtohisorator'sinstinctandtreatingherasifsheweretheaudienceattheGuildofSt.Matthew).IamsureEugenecansaynoless,ifthatisall.MARCHBANKS(discouraged).Morell:she'slaughingatus.MORELL(withaquicktouchoftemper).Thereisnothingtolaughat.Areyoulaughingatus,Candida?CANDIDA(withquietanger).Eugeneisveryquick-witted,James.IhopeIamgoingtolaugh;butIamnotsurethatIamnotgoingtobeveryangry.(Shegoestothefireplace,andstandsthereleaningwithherarmonthemantelpieceandherfootonthefender,whilstEugenestealstoMorellandpluckshimbythesleeve.)MARCHBANKS(whispering).StopMorell.Don'tletussayanything.MORELL(pushingEugeneawaywithoutdeigningtolookathim).Ihopeyoudon'tmeanthatasathreat,Candida.CANDIDA(withemphaticwarning).Takecare,James.Eugene:Iaskedyoutogo.Areyougoing?MORELL(puttinghisfootdown).Heshallnotgo.Iwishhimtoremain.MARCHBANKS.I'llgo.I'lldowhateveryouwant.(Heturnstothedoor.)CANDIDA.Stop!(Heobeys.)Didn'tyouhearJamessayhewishedyoutostay?Jamesismasterhere.Don'tyouknowthat?MARCHBANKS(flushingwithayoungpoet'srageagainsttyranny).Bywhatrightishemaster?CANDIDA(quietly).Tellhim,James.MORELL(takenaback).Mydear:Idon'tknowofanyrightthatmakesmemaster.Iassertnosuchright.CANDIDA(withinfinitereproach).Youdon'tknow!Oh,James,James!(ToEugene,musingly.)Iwonderdoyouunderstand,Eugene!No:you'retooyoung.Well,Igiveyouleavetostay--tostayandlearn.(Shecomesawayfromthehearth

andplacesherselfbetweenthem.)Now,James:what'sthematter?Come:tellme.MARCHBANKS(whisperingtremulouslyacrosstohim).Don't.CANDIDA.Come.Outwithit!MORELL(slowly).Imeanttoprepareyourmindcarefully,Candida,soastopreventmisunderstanding.CANDIDA.Yes,dear:Iamsureyoudid.Butnevermind:Ishan'tmisunderstand.MORELL.Well--er--(Hehesitates,unabletofindthelongexplanationwhichhesupposedtobeavailable.)CANDIDA.Well?MORELL(baldly).Eugenedeclaresthatyouareinlovewithhim.MARCHBANKS(frantically).No,no,no,no,never.Ididnot,Mrs.Morell:it'snottrue.IsaidIlovedyou,andthathedidn't.IsaidthatIunderstoodyou,andthathecouldn't.AnditwasnotafterwhatpassedtherebeforethefirethatIspoke:itwasnot,onmyword.Itwasthismorning.CANDIDA(enlightened).Thismorning!MARCHBANKS.Yes.(Helooksather,pleadingforcredence,andthenadds,simply)Thatwaswhatwasthematterwithmycollar.CANDIDA(afterapause;forshedoesnottakeinhismeaningatonce).Hiscollar!(SheturnstoMorell,shocked.)Oh,James:didyou--(shestops)?MORELL(ashamed).Youknow,Candida,thatIhaveatempertostrugglewith.Andhesaid(shuddering)thatyoudespisedmeinyourheart.CANDIDA(turningquicklyonEugene).Didyousaythat?MARCHBANKS(terrified).No!CANDIDA(severely).ThenJameshasjusttoldmeafalsehood.Isthatwhatyoumean?MARCHBANKS.No,no:I--I--(blurtingouttheexplanationdesperately)--itwasDavid'swife.Anditwasn'tathome:itwaswhenshesawhimdancingbeforeallthepeople.MORELL(takingthecuewithadebater'sadroitness).Dancingbeforeallthepeople,Candida;andthinkinghewasmovingtheirheartsbyhismissionwhentheywereonlysufferingfrom--Prossy'scomplaint.(Sheisabouttoprotest:heraiseshishandtosilenceher,exclaiming)Don'ttrytolookindignant,Candida:--CANDIDA(interjecting).Try!MORELL(continuing).Eugenewasright.Asyoutoldmeafewhoursafter,heisalwaysright.Hesaidnothingthatyoudidnotsayfarbetteryourself.Heisthepoet,whoseeseverything;andIamthepoorparson,whounderstandsnothing.CANDIDA(remorsefully).Doyoumindwhatissaidbyafoolishboy,becauseIsaidsomethinglikeitagaininjest?MORELL.Thatfoolishboycanspeakwiththeinspirationofachildandthecunningofaserpent.Hehasclaimedthatyoubelongtohimandnottome;and,rightlyorwrongly,Ihavecometofearthatitmaybetrue.Iwillnotgoabouttorturedwithdoubtsandsuspicions.Iwillnotlivewithyouandkeepasecretfromyou.Iwillnotsuffertheintolerabledegradationofjealousy.Wehaveagreed--heandI--thatyoushallchoosebetweenusnow.Iawaityourdecision.CANDIDA(slowlyrecoilingastep,herhearthardenedbyhisrhetoricinspiteofthesincerefeelingbehindit).Oh!Iamtochoose,amI?IsupposeitisquitesettledthatImustbelongtooneortheother.MORELL(firmly).Quite.Youmustchoosedefinitely.MARCHBANKS(anxiously).Morell:youdon'tunderstand.Shemeansthatshebelongstoherself.CANDIDA(turningonhim).Imeanthatandagooddealmore,MasterEugene,asyouwillbothfindoutpresently.Andpray,mylordsandmasters,whathaveyoutoofferformychoice?Iamupforauction,itseems.Whatdoyoubid,James?MORELL(reproachfully).Cand--(Hebreaksdown:hiseyesandthroatfillwithtears:theoratorbecomesthewoundedanimal.)Ican'tspeak--CANDIDA(impulsivelygoingtohim).Ah,dearest--MARCHBANKS(inwildalarm).Stop:it'snotfair.Youmustn'tshowherthatyousuffer,Morell.Iamontherack,too;butIamnotcrying.MORELL(rallyingallhis

forces).Yes:youareright.ItisnotforpitythatIambidding.(HedisengageshimselffromCandida.)CANDIDA(retreating,chilled).Ibegyourpardon,James;Ididnotmeantotouchyou.Iamwaitingtohearyourbid.MORELL(withproudhumility).Ihavenothingtoofferyoubutmystrengthforyourdefence,myhonestyofpurposeforyoursurety,myabilityandindustryforyourlivelihood,andmyauthorityandpositionforyourdignity.Thatisallitbecomesamantooffertoawoman.CANDIDA(quitequietly).Andyou,Eugene?Whatdoyouoffer?MARCHBANKS.Myweakness!mydesolation!myheart'sneed!CANDIDA(impressed).That'sagoodbid,Eugene.NowIknowhowtomakemychoice.Shepausesandlookscuriouslyfromonetotheother,asifweighingthem.Morell,whoseloftyconfidencehaschangedintoheartbreakingdreadatEugene'sbid,losesallpowerofconcealinghisanxiety.Eugene,strungtothehighesttension,doesnotmoveamuscle.MORELL(inasuffocatedvoice--theappealburstingfromthedepthsofhisanguish).Candida!MARCHBANKS(aside,inaflashofcontempt).Coward!CANDIDA(significantly).Igivemyselftotheweakerofthetwo.Eugenedivineshermeaningatonce:hisfacewhitenslikesteelinafurnacethatcannotmeltit.MORELL(bowinghisheadwiththecalmofcollapse).Iacceptyoursentence,Candida.CANDIDA.Doyouunderstand,Eugene?MARCHBANKS.Oh,IfeelI'mlost.Hecannotbeartheburden.MORELL(incredulously,raisinghisbeadwithprosaicabruptness).Doyoumean,me,Candida?CANDIDA(smilingalittle).Letussitandtalkcomfortablyoveritlikethreefriends.(ToMorell.)Sitdown,dear.(Morelltakesthechairfromthefireside--thechildren'schair.)Bringmethatchair,Eugene.(Sheindicatestheeasychair.Hefetchesitsilently,evenwithsomethinglikecoldstrength,andplacesitnextMorell,alittlebehindhim.Shesitsdown.Hegoestothesofaandsitsthere,stillsilentandinscrutable.Whentheyareallsettledshebegins,throwingaspellofquietnessonthembyhercalm,sane,tendertone.)Yourememberwhatyoutoldmeaboutyourself,Eugene:hownobodyhascaredforyousinceyouroldnursedied:howthoseclever,fashionablesistersandsuccessfulbrothersofyourswereyourmother'sandfather'spets:howmiserableyouwereatEton:howyourfatheristryingtostarveyouintoreturningtoOxford:howyouhavehadtolivewithoutcomfortorwelcomeorrefuge,alwayslonely,andnearlyalwaysdislikedandmisunderstood,poorboy!MARCHBANKS(faithfultothenobilityofhislot).Ihadmybooks.IhadNature.AndatlastImetyou.CANDIDA.Nevermindthatjustatpresent.NowIwantyoutolookatthisotherboyhere--MYboy--spoiledfromhiscradle.Wegoonceafortnighttoseehisparents.Youshouldcomewithus,Eugene,andseethepicturesoftheheroofthathousehold.Jamesasababy!themostwonderfulofallbabies.Jamesholdinghisfirstschoolprize,wonattheripeageofeight!Jamesasthecaptainofhiseleven!Jamesinhisfirstfrockcoat!Jamesunderallsortsofgloriouscircumstances!Youknowhowstrongheis(Ihopehedidn'thurtyou)--howcleverheis--howhappy!(Withdeepeninggravity.)AskJames'smotherandhisthreesisterswhatitcosttosaveJamesthetroubleofdoinganythingbutbestrongandcleverandhappy.AskMEwhatitcoststobeJames'smotherandthreesistersandwifeandmothertohischildrenallinone.AskProssyandMariahowtroublesomethehouseisevenwhenwehavenovisitorstohelpustoslicetheonions.AskthetradesmenwhowanttoworryJamesandspoilhisbeautifulsermonswhoitisthatputsthemoff.Whenthereismoneytogive,he

givesit:whenthereismoneytorefuse,Irefuseit.Ibuildacastleofcomfortandindulgenceandloveforhim,andstandsentinelalwaystokeeplittlevulgarcaresout.Imakehimmasterhere,thoughhedoesnotknowit,andcouldnottellyouamomentagohowitcametobeso.(Withsweetirony.)AndwhenhethoughtImightgoawaywithyou,hisonlyanxietywaswhatshouldbecomeofME!Andtotemptmetostayheofferedme(leaningforwardtostrokehishaircaressinglyateachphrase)hisstrengthforMYdefence,hisindustryformylivelihood,hispositionformydignity,his--(Relenting.)Ah,Iammixingupyourbeautifulsentencesandspoilingthem,amInot,darling?(Shelayshercheekfondlyagainsthis.)MORELL(quiteovercome,kneelingbesideherchairandembracingherwithboyishingenuousness).It'salltrue,everyword.WhatIamyouhavemademewiththelaborofyourhandsandtheloveofyourheart!Youaremywife,mymother,mysisters:youarethesumofalllovingcaretome.CANDIDA(inhisarms,smiling,toEugene).AmIYOURmotherandsisterstoyou,Eugene?MARCHBANKS(risingwithafiercegestureofdisgust).Ah,never.Out,then,intothenightwithme!CANDIDA(risingquicklyandinterceptinghim).Youarenotgoinglikethat,Eugene?MARCHBANKS(withtheringofaman'svoice--nolongeraboy's--inthewords).Iknowthehourwhenitstrikes.Iamimpatienttodowhatmustbedone.MORELL(risingfromhisknee,alarmed).Candida:don'tlethimdoanythingrash.CANDIDA(confident,smilingatEugene).Oh,thereisnofear.Hehaslearnttolivewithouthappiness.MARCHBANKS.Inolongerdesirehappiness:lifeisnoblerthanthat.ParsonJames:Igiveyoumyhappinesswithbothhands:IloveyoubecauseyouhavefilledtheheartofthewomanIloved.Good-bye.(Hegoestowardsthedoor.)CANDIDA.Onelastword.(Hestops,butwithoutturningtoher.)Howoldareyou,Eugene?MARCHBANKS.Asoldastheworldnow.ThismorningIwaseighteen.CANDIDA(goingtohim,andstandingbehindhimwithonehandcaressinglyonhisshoulder).Eighteen!Willyou,formysake,makealittlepoemoutofthetwosentencesIamgoingtosaytoyou?Andwillyoupromisetorepeatittoyourselfwheneveryouthinkofme?MARCHBANKS(withoutmoving).Saythesentences.CANDIDA.WhenIamthirty,shewillbeforty-five.WhenIamsixty,shewillbeseventy-five.MARCHBANKS(turningtoher).Inahundredyears,weshallbethesameage.ButIhaveabettersecretthanthatinmyheart.Letmegonow.Thenightoutsidegrowsimpatient.CANDIDA.Good-bye.(Shetakeshisfaceinherhands;andashedivinesherintentionandbendshisknee,shekisseshisforehead.Thenhefliesoutintothenight.SheturnstoMorell,holdingoutherarmstohim.)Ah,James!(Theyembrace.Buttheydonotknowthesecretinthepoet'sheart.)