The Terse Guide to Eliminating Riding Pain, Perfecting Posture, andBuilding a Stronger Rider

By Harrison Mullin

Legal Stuff

© 2011 by Harrison Mullin.

This ebook is for personal use only. It is not intended to act as profes-sional medical advice, nor should it be considered as such. Use yourhead, consult a doctor.

Table of Contents1) Introduction: The Curious Rider- 5

2) The Purpose of this Guide- 8

3) A Culture of Slouching- 11

4) The Little Things Add Up- 18

5) Preparation- 25

6) Recovery- 37

7) Prevention- 57

8) The Posture Checklist- 74

9) Conclusion: The Strong Rider- 77

10) Resources- 79

Introduction: TheCurious Rider

I wasn't interested in riding until I turned 19. I watched my brotherride for a while and, for whatever reason, never gave it much thought.I could'nt see the point of scalding in the sun, freezing my ass off in thewinter, or blowing my leaf blowing money on riding gear.

But as a younger brother who looked up to his elder, I knew theremust be some truth to what he said.

I listened attentively as he spoke of the fun he had riding and thepeace that he found on two wheels. That was all well and good, butwhat got me going was the way that girls looked at him when he dis-mounted his mighty red plastic and metal steed.

And I was sold. If riding a bike could get me chicks, I was all for it. So,in true gawking and plagiarizing younger brother fashion, I bought ex-actly the same model and year bike that my brother had.

I quickly learned what riding meant to me, but I could not articulate ituntil I began my first snooty lit class:

When I ride I do not direct the bike, it transports me. My body is help-lessly exposed to the world while my head is encapsulated in a state ofblissful purgatory. I am not anxious to be anywhere and I am not dis-tracted by where I've come from: I am present.

So why do I blather on and on about my erudite and possibly paraph-iliac love of riding? Simply this: riding a motorcycle does not makemuch sense to me. It uses less fuel, sure, but buying new tires, oil fil-ters, sprockets, chains, fork seals, and carb kits for it is stupidlyexpensive.

We like to think that riding a bike is often cheaper than driving a car,but math --in my case at least-- says otherwise.

If it is not cheaper, safer, or somehow more healthy to ride a bike, whydo it? Because I think riding a motorcycle is amongst the most badassand enlightening things a human can do.

There is, however, a price to be paid for those priveliges.

It started in my shoulders, then to my back, and then to my butt. Thatundeniable, thrumming pain: numbness that tingles.

For a while I thought it was a right of passage for riding and I becameproud of the pain that riding inflicted on me. "Pain for pleasure" has anice ring to it, but is just a troglodytic remnant. That masochistic crapwill get you nowhere.

A kid can only take so much before he gives himself an ultimatum:lose the bike or start funding a chiropractor's kid's college education.Fortunately, there is a middle ground.

And as it turned out, I learned I could have my cake and eat it too.

After a few years of research, sweat, frustration, and bruised hips, Iachieved positive, lasting results. My back pain has all but disap-peared, my everyday posture is fantastic, and I can ride for days onend.

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What follows is the result of a quest for comfort. And what I foundalong the way was that the path to comfort is paved with sexy posture.

Enjoy.

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The Purpose of thisGuide

No Misunderstandings: Small andSimple Change

I will not try to convince you that eating only raw brussel sprouts andgetting enemas of vapor distilled spring water from an undersea gey-ser is the only path to great posture and fantastic overall health.

In fact, I have a real grudge against calls for “healthy lifestyles” fromladies with armpit hair and 420 doctors alike. It is not that I disagreewith their intent (which I assume is to live a more fulfilling lifethrough healthy eating and activity), but I don't see that they've madeany real, positive impact. Americans still prefer to use two airline seatsover one. And who wouldn't? Double the peanuts and ginger ale man...

This guide is not going to slap you on the wrist for riding a cafe racer.You already know it is a pain in the ass to ride so I'm not going to reit-erate what you know. The aim here is to maintain a healthy (orwhatever) attachment to your bike while improving your ability to ridecomfortably.

I think we can all agree that riding is a major source of back pain. Andit is likely that that pain comes from the mechanical pragmatism thatdefines the cafe racer style.

Cafe racers favor exposed guts to crappy plastic or childish chromeshrouds. Parts come from the leftovers bin, and the drive to build yourown bike using the rusted crap you found on Craigslist is the stuffpoliticians' wet dreams are made of. This can-do, personalized, Ton-cruising attitude produces a design that is refined and elegant beyondcompare, and we should not let something idiotic like comfort or prac-ticality change that.

There is an apt quote from Death in the Afternoon in which EarnestHemingway says this about bullfighting, though it could just as easilyrefer to cafe racing:

...(it) has always existed...in spite of them, and any steps tomodify it, in an attempt to secure their approval, which it willnever have, is a step towards its complete suppression.

There will be no gems in this guide about what perfect height youshould have your handlebars set at, or what ideal distance you shouldkeep your pegs from the seat to achieve a comfortable knee-bendangle. I will not tell you that riding a cafe racer is bad for you and thatyou just need to tweak little things on the bike here and there and thenvoila! you will ride healthy. If you did all the things to your bike thatwould make it healthy, it would look more like a massage table than aBSA.

This is about you --the rider-- not the bike.

In these pages you will learn the targeted stretches that will loosen youup before the ride, the relaxing positions that will relieve tension andsoreness after the ride, and the fool-proof exercises that willstrengthen you in just the right places so you can ride longer still.

Preparation, recovery, prevention. Bing, bang, boom.

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Along the way there may be moments when you think I am completelyfull of it and that there is no way these techniques can work. I get thatbecause I have been there.

I used to think that my back pain and slouchy posture was the price Ipaid for being a desk jockey and riding all the time. But now I knowthat it is much simpler than that.

As it turns out, mending back pain and perfecting posture is a highlyeconomical task. None of the things necessary to doing these requireyou to leave the house. In fact, as you will learn, leaving the house torelieve back pain and get stronger is a stupid idea for most people.Only one piece of this guide will cost you money (less than $15) andthe rest of it is completely free.

One final thing: each chapter in this guide stands on its own. Thismeans the systems laid out in the Preparation, Recovery, and Preven-tion chapters work well solo, but are most effective when used intandem.

Start with the section that most interests you, then go back and bringthem all together.

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A Culture ofSlouching

Disparaging A Human'sDegrading Habit

In the United States, few stand tall. If you work in an office setting,think of your colleagues at their desks. How are they seated?

The chances are great that most are hunched like Igor: they areslouched forward, their backs contorted into an exaggerated S curve.Their feet are probably not flat on the floor, or if they are, their kneesare higher than their hips, further deepening their forward slouch.

Even thinking of this posture makes me uncomfortable and my backreflexively straigthens just to counteract this angsty thought.

The effects of the slouching habit --in both sitting and standing-- be-comes obvsiou when on the motorcycle. If you are like an averageAmerican Joe/Jane then you will feel the effects of that slouching onyour rides.

On one hand we expect some discomfort from riding: the position ofthe pegs, seat, and handlebars are awkward after all. But this does notmean it is only the bike that is producing the discomfort.

It is entirely possible that our propensity for slouching in daily life ex-acerbates the pain we feel after a ride. Therefore it is vital to menddaily posture before any building good riding posture.

It is very easy to have bad posture, and unfortunately it is often morecomfortable --at least in the beginning-- to sit/stand with bad posturethan it is to sit/stand with good posture. Yet chronic slouching willlead to worse back, neck, and shoulder pain than the momentary dis-comfort of training yourself to use good posture.

If you are like most people this means the first few minutes of sittingwith good posture is going to be pretty uncomfortable and soon youmay slip back to your old, slouchy ways. But if you can get past thatdiscomfort you will be able to keep up good posture long term.

Good posture is addictive.

The difference between good andbad posture: Proof and pudding.

It is strange that sitting with good posture should be uncomfortable,but it is important to distinguish between the discomfort of slouchingand the discomfort of training yourself good pasture.

The pain you feel from slouching is your spine and joints telling youthat this is not the best way of doing things. Conversely, the discom-fort you feel from sitting properly is mostly muscle fatigue and notfrom your stiffer innards.

Bones are rather unyielding. Muscle on the other hand is quitemalleable.

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This is a good thing for two reasons. First, it means that your bones(spine, shoulder joints, neck, etc.) are difficult to permanently damagethrough bad posture. Second, because it is muscle that most affects theposition of your spine and rotation of your joints, you can teach thesemuscles to support your skeletal structure properly.

So why is it bad to slouch anyway? Aside from the obvious discomfort,there are quite a few good reasons. The following are my favorites:

1. Slouching slowly collapses the spine on itself. The compres-sion of your spine means you will become significantly lessflexible in everything from reaching into the fridge to touch-ing your toes. Not to mention you'll look shorter because, youknow, you actually ARE shorter when you slouch. Sit upstraight.

2. Slouching compresses your organs against one another.When the spine presses down on itself, the organs attached tothe skeletal frame have to follow. This means our lungs endup hobnobbing with our spleens. I'm exaggerating obviously,but just lean back in your chair for a moment and breathe indeeply through your nose. Because your lungs can expand andcontract without extra resistance, you can breath much freer.Nice. Sit up straighter.

3. Slouching is not sexy. When someone slouches it makeshim/her small in all the wrong places and huge where hedoesn't want to. Shoulders that roll forward make a man lookless imposing and a woman appear to have a less healthychest; hips that cantilever backward produce a larger waist forboth sexes; necks that lean forward leave all of us with aprime view of the ground 5 feet in front of us. Are you sittingup straight yet?

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Brangelina goes for a walk

The impact of slouching on our culture is easy to observe.

Most men walk around with their heads hung low in an almost dejec-ted manner, too afraid to make eye contact because when you arelooking at the ground it is hard to think of anyone but yourself.

Most women walk around looking way more boxy than they intend,and also too afraid to make eye contact for fear of breaking their selfabsorbed repose.

I don't think this is unfair to either sex. You can see this for yourself ona daily basis. I used to get a little down when I thought about howmuch of a downer everyone else looked – one of my more joyful peri-ods to be sure. But that self destructive ennui was swept away when Icaught site of them.

They were like Brad and Angelina gliding down the sidewalk without acare in their sexy world. Their shoulders lightly pushed down andslightly back, their spines as straight as an arrow, and their necks up,yet relaxed, like a carefree giraffe.

What a site.

Truth be told I'm sure they were just an ordinary looking couple, butbecause of the way they carried themselves they became the most at-tractive bipeds I've seen to date.

What this meant to me was that the attitude and execution of goodposture are reciprocal, and that one can be used to build on the other.

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It became apparent that simply believing I had good posture was oftenenough to make me walk upright.

Try this exercise: go for a walk, wherever you like, and purposefullyslouch. How does that make you feel?

Now switch it up and walk like Steve McQueen if you are a man orCharlize Theron if you are a woman. Lightly push your shouldersdown and back slightly, tighten your stomach just a bit, push out yourchest like you are a dominant Silverback (you too ladies), and raiseyour nose like you're haughtily dismissing pleasant greetings from theplebeians.

You may feel dorky or snobby doing this, but it feels so good physicallythat it spills over into your mental health. This is where the reciprocityof good posture attitude and execution comes into play.

Pens and posture

Recognize why you want good posture. By that I mean actually sitdown (and by that I mean sit up straight) and write down WITH PENAND PAPER why you want to have good posture.

Do you want to relieve back and neck pain? Do you want to be a bitmore limber so you can hit baseballs farther? Do you just want to ridewith less pain? Or do you want to be perceived as a more virile andconfident individual?

Your goals can be totally unrelated to having better riding posture, foras you will find out yourself, upping your everyday posture game willcarry over into your riding stature.

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Simply writing these goals down will help solidify them in your mindand provides impetus to stick to the routines in this guide. Theseroutines will help you achieve these goals quickly.

Don't be shy or lie to yourself: if you want good posture so you can bebootylicious, write it down. No one will read this but you. Once it is onpaper it becomes more real and not just a fleeting idea or somethingyou “should” do but will never get around to doing.

By following the routines in the following chapters you will have signi-ficantly improved everyday posture and before you know it your ridingposture will follow suit; a healthy posture that you will tweak on yourown, just for yourself. But more on that later.

For the full rundown of good posture and how to maintain itthroughout the day, see The Posture Checklist.

So that is the the mental side of good posture. What about the physic-al? How can we ensure that we have the physical goods that bring themental posture game to life?

First, we have to take a step back and look at how two modern habitshave devolved you.

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The Little ThingsAdd Up. Or, How toReset your Exercise

Education

The Curiously Adverse Effects ofCommon Footwear (And Why youStill Need Them)

It is not only our sitting habit or how we sit that is the problem: it isalso our shoes.

Most in the working world spend their days sporting shoes with araised heel. It doesn't matter if they are working girl's stilettos or a 1inch heel on some steel toe boots: no matter what way you slice itheels are bad for your back.

When the foot is elevated at the heel the rest of the body wants to leanforward. To counteract this lean, the lower back arches, pushing thehips backward slightly and the waist forward.

You must be glowing because you now look 3 months pregnant thanksto that false potbelly.

Well the shoulders don't want to stay leaning far backward so they rollforward a bit while the neck and head lean forward farther still.

Wearing heeled shoes is a really confusing thing for the body to dealwith, so it compensates by making you look like you are constantlywalking down a slope on level ground.

That is a lot of words to describe wearing heels, so that imagery needssome visual reinforcement.

Put on your boots/stilettos and look at your profile in a mirror. Pullyour shirt up a bit if you need to so you can really see what your spineis doing. Notice that even when you purposefully stand tall you stillcan't stand very straight. That is the nature of elevated heels.

Now take 'em off and stand barefoot. This time, gently force yourselfto stand straight in profile. You will notice a markedly straighterposture.

You may have heard of barefoot runners, a group of people notoriousfor maintaining a "natural" running posture. While I am not one torun around my town exposing myself to hookworms, I believe theirmantra has validity: the closer and flatter your feet are to the ground,the straighter you stand and the more comfortable your back will stay.You should make that call for yourself, but in my experience I haveeliminated the bulk of my lower back pain simply by not wearing myboots as often.

I understand the importance of wearing boots while I am riding, whichis why I still do. But I don't need serious foot protection when I amaround the house so I don't wear my boots then.

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This means you can heal your back a bit by not wearing heels whichwill help prepare it to withstand riding a bit longer. Don't change whatyou love, change how you do a few other things so you can do more ofwhat you love: riding.

The Futility of PhysicalEducation and How I Learned toLove the Couch

Improper sitting and improper shoes are likely the cause of most ofour back pain, but there are a couple of other things that can add tothe discomfort.

Wearing uncomfortable shoes and sitting improperly are rather pass-ive activities that lead to back pain, but these next two are activemistakes.

Most of us in this country have memories of phys ed in middle schooland high school, and I will be so bold as to say that they are not greatmemories for many.

How crappy I was/am at basketball aside, it is important to not beatourselves up with these memories for but one reason: almosteverything we were taught in phys ed was, and continues to be, notbased in reality.

That is a bold statement but I will back it up with some experiencesthat you can recreate and observe for yourself.

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Take stretching for example. Most of the time in phys ed we stretchedfor no reason at all. Do you really think you were going to tear amuscle going for a layup so you could impress "Jenny"? I doubt it.

I contend that because you were aware that you had stretched --andthat it somehow made you safer-- you felt more comfortable puttingyour body under great strain, thereby increasing your chances ofpulling a muscle that you had previously “warmed up” via stretchingand other light duty exercise.

Consider this: it has been shown that gymnasts who know there is sub-stantial padding beneath them will dismount with greater impact thanthose who know there is minimal padding below.

To this end, stretching can do more harm than good.

A similar thought process can be applied to exercise. My favorite formof exercise is lifting weights, so I will limit this discussion to thatrather than organized sports. Technically, if I lift a 10 pound weight100 times, that is equivalent to moving a 1000 pound weight once.That makes me one strong dude. Amazing! Step aside Hercules andmothers of children trapped under cars, there's a new muscle sheriff intown!

But what does it matter? Just because my muscle operated under aquantifiable load does not mean it will grow quickly as a response. It isfoolish to believe that just using my muscle repeatedly will make itstronger fast. To do that, you have to work smarter and harder.

Muscle grows most rapidly when it is pushed to its limits within itsnatural range at a constant rate for a very brief period, and then isprovided with the fuel to propagate while given ample rest.

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That is a fancy way of saying I have to push my biceps to their limitthen gorge myself while I lounge on the couch and watch Seinfeldreruns.

That is not a theory, and to enlighten the reader of that I recommendstudying the works of Dr. Ellington Darden, Ph.D. Et al., especiallythose based on experiences with Arthur Jones of Nautilus fame. It isupon these foundations and my own experience with muscular growththat much of this guide's exercise recommendations are based.

I understand these comments will not be met with tea and crumpetsby all, but I hope the reader will at least follow my thought process,even if he is in disbelief.

The purpose of this rage against exercise-at-large is to put you in asimilar questioning mindset.

I want you to follow me into the state of mind where strength trainingfor cafe racing is actually extremely simple and not time consuming,and that it is vital to see that common, complex answers to simple ex-ercise questions are not based on real world results.

What this all means is that the exercise you did to alleviate back painfrom riding that hasn't made much difference is possibly based on thefalse paradigms of high school phys ed theory. This is not your fault:we were all spoon fed the same useless information, but it takes aneasily frustrated and kill-joy personality to look to the fringe forsolutions.

Trust me, if I was a fighter pilot my callsign would be "Buzzkill".

Ordinary answers to ordinary problems will produce ordinary results.What we need then are extraordinary answers which produce

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extraordinary results. Back pain and bad posture are ordinary prob-lems, so let's get to the extraordinary answers.

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Preparation,Recovery,PreventionForward anddisclaimer:All the following stretches, exercises, and relaxation postures are pur-poseful and target the spine and its ancillary physiology. When com-pleted properly they will improve the range of the spine and drasticallyimprove overall back, neck, and shoulder comfort.

There are no frivolous elements to the stretches, exercises, or relaxa-tion postures in the chapters that follow. All have been honed to thepoint of maximum output for the least amount of input (in this case,“output” is comfort and “input” is time multiplied by energy plus howmuch of a pain in the ass it is to remember to complete them).

The movements listed in Preparation have been selected from 93movements that I have tested over the years. Of those 93, 13 producednoticeable results. Of those 13, 5 produced results significant and con-sistent enough to justify the minimal effort required to complete them.

Follow them to the letter and you will ride with minimal tension anddiscomfort.

The positions and postures listed in Recovery were selected fromabout 400 hours of phyisical therapy research and self experimenta-tion. Follow them to the letter and you will recover from a ride in lessthan 15 minutes and get a boost for whatever may face you the rest ofthe day.

The exercises listed in Prevention were chosen for their efficiency,safety, ease of execution, and bang for the buck. I have logged timewith 207 different exercises in pursuit of those that meet these criteria.The 4 exercises listed in this chapter pass with flying colors. Followthem to the letter and you will be well prepared for your next ride andthe stressors of extended sitting.

All three chapters will produce noticeable gains in your level of back,neck, and shoulder comfort. Consistent application (precise schedulesand routines will be provided) of the movements in these chapters willtrain your spine, neck, and shoulders to stay in optimal position. Thiswill mitigate future back pain and drastically improve your posturewithout constant mental input.

I cannot stress this next bit enough: DO NOT ADD MORE TOWHAT IS LISTED IN THESE CHAPTERS. Resist the temptationto do more exercise at all costs as this will only impede your progress.If someone suggests adding XYZ to these routines, politely run in theopposite direction. Well intentioned though they may be, their sugges-tions will only complicate things.

The information in this guide is as straightforward, efficient and ef-fective as possible. Do not burden yourself with more labor or slowyour progress with others' help.

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In each chapter, a general summary of each exercise/movement/stretch will be given, followed by photo and written instructions ofhow to perform each activity, then a precise and simple routine for youto follow which provides the maximum amount of benefit for the leastamount of effort.

Please do not perform any activity until you have thoroughly observedits photo description. I also recommend that you consult a doctor/shaman/witch doctor/yoga instructor before performing any of thesemovements. Let's not make things worse, people.

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Preparation

The Rundown

Prepping yourself for a healthy ride starts long before you start. Whilea balanced breakfast and a brisk shower are integral to this, our focuswill be on prepping our muscles.

A lot of day to day back pain can be healed in our sleep. Sleepingsoundly on your back the whole night through is a surefire way to keepthe spine and neck aligned in a healing position.

Unfortunately, I toss and turn like an 8 month old in utero, so anychance of getting these healing benefits is slim and ultimately means Iam stiffest first thing in the morning.

Fortunately there are a number of things that can fix this.

The goal of preparing for the ride is twofold: to stretch and to warmup. Remember: this is the morning. Everything done here is being per-formed on cold muscles and joints that haven't moved for 7 or sohours. Normal methods of stretching and warming up can be too viol-ent and do more harm than good, especially at this time of day.

Instead of intense stretches, these are gentle. Instead of trying towarm up muscles using internal heat created by running around (andbreaking a sweat before having coffee), we will use an external sourceto go from the outside in.

Consider the uselessness of most phys ed techniques designed to dothis and the techniques below will make sense.

You may want to perform the following movements in private becausethey look hilarious. First up is a brief rundown of the routine. Photoand written instructions follow.

Cobra!

First I hit the floor for some super cobras. This is to gently loosen upthe backward and forward motion of the spine. This is also an abdom-inal stretch, so be gentle.

Now I get up off the floor and perform what I like to call The Slump. Ilearned this move from an erudite acting class. I failed to discover theinner actor. But it did show me some great moves which you'll seesprinkled throughout the guide.

I stand and then, basically, lightly force each vertebrae (a single boneof the spine) to roll onto its underfloor neighbor while my arms hangloose and nearly touch the ground. The point of this exercise is to fur-ther loosen the forward motion of the spine. When at the bottom, ithelps to jiggle and swing the arms a bit to loosen things up further.

Next it is time for a little self-massage. Muscles work best when theyare warm, so it is time to get some heat into the area that causes muchof our back, neck and shoulder tension.

The jaw.

Most of us don't think of how much tension we carry in our jaws.Whether it is from forcing smiles at coworkers' baby pictures or

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gritting teeth at parents who let their kids scream it out on planes. Nomatter what way you slice it, loosening up the jaw will keep your neck,and consequently your spine, happy.

I start things out by chewing an imaginary mouth full of gum. This willeliminate the clicks and clacks of a night on a crappy futon. Next Ineed to actually get some heat on that mandible, so I Mr. Miyagi myjawline to get things loose, then perform some relaxing jaw massageswith my thumbs. At this point the jaw is relaxed and will remain loosefor hours. This keeps tension from building at the jaw.

With less tension in your jaw, you are less likely to tense the upperportion of the spine. These little things add up, so don't forget to focuson the moneymaker.

Next up is the hips. There is a collection of muscles on the upper partof the inner thigh called the hip flexors. This series of muscles performone very important job: to pull your knees up and keep you bipedal.

The gravity of that task should be not overlooked. Unfortunately thehip flexors get tight very quickly, much like the jaw, so it is imperativethat you stretch them often.

Because their job is to perform one job only (lift the knees for walk-ing), tight hip flexors will actually restrict greater leg extension. Well, alot of leg extension is precisely what is needed on a ride. Because thefoot peg distance from the saddle is typically short on most cafe bikes,the rider's knees are pushed higher than they would be in a normal sit-ting position. Keeping your hip flexors loose will go a long way towardkeeping hip pain and subsequent lower back pain at bay.

Hip flexor stretches should not only be performed in preparation for aride, but also for recovery and just before prevention. More on thatlater.

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At this point the spine is relaxed, the hips are loose, the neck feels likeit's on a swivel, and the shoulders are loose. In total, this morningstretching/warm-up routine takes less than 4 minutes. I like the way itfeels so much that I do it nearly every morning regardless of the day'splans.

To answer your question: No, I normally do not exercise in jeans and vneck sweaters. Carry on.

How to Prepare

Cobra

Super Cobra

1. Stand with a wide stance, about 6 inches beyond shoulder width oneither side. Feet pointed straight forward.

2. Lower yourself to your knees while maintaining the same spacebetween your feet. Keep the balls of your feet planted.

3. Place your right hand directly under your right shoulder and the leftunder the left. Angle hands out a bit. Next, move your right hand out10 inches to the right. From that point, move it forward 10 inches. Dothe same with the left.

4. Push your butt up. Move until your hips are as high as possible.Straighten your arms and lock your elbows. Straighten your legs and

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nearly lock your knees. Keep you feet as flat on the floor as possible(photo 1).

5. Lower your hips to the floor. This should take 5 seconds.

6. Tilt your head back slightly and push your hips to the floor (photo2).

7. Return your hips to the start position and repeat.

*1 full cycle equals hips at the start point, then the return to the startpoint.

1

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2

Twisted Cobra

1. Lower the hips to the lowest point in normal fashion.

2. Slowly twist your upper body to the left and hold for three seconds(photo 1).

3. Repeat on right side (photo 2).

4. Return to center

5. Raise the hips as per normal.

*1 full cycle equals hips at the start point, then the return to the startpoint.

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1

2

The Slump

1. Stand with your feet pointed forward, shoulder width apart. Let yourarms hang loosely and keep a moderate bend in your knees.

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2. Roll your chin forward to your chest. Roll your shoulders forward.You will now be starting to hunch (photo 1).

3. Carefully curl your neck farther downward while keeping yourshoulders pulled together. Continue curling forward slowly. Imaginethat each vertebrae is curling forward like a sleeping back. Be deliber-ate and keep this image in your head (photo 2).

4. Lower until your hands nearly touch the floor. Do not force yourhands to the floor. This is not a stretch; it is just an extension (photo3).

5. Slowly uncurl yourself. Maintain the deliberate movement of mov-ing one vertebrae at a time. Continue until your spine is straight

6. Now, place your hands behind your head and press your head backinto your hands with your neck muscles until you are leaned backslightly at the waist (photo 4).

7. Hold for 5 seconds

8. Slowly return to normal stance.

*1 full cycle equals starting at normal, to lower position, to backwardstretched position, and back to normal stance.

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1 2

3 4

Gum Chewer

1. Stand in front of the mirror so you can laugh at yourself

2. Imagine you have a massive mouthful of gum.

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3. Slowly and deliberately chew that imaginary gum, rotating the lowerjaw clockwise 10 times followed by 10 counterclockwise movements.

*1 full cycle equals 10 clockwise lower jaw rotations followed by 10counterclockwise rotations.

*** If you want to take this exercise a step further, do some tongueexercises. Curl the tip of your tongue backwards and press the under-side of the tongue to the roof of your mouth 10 times. Now curl the tipof your tongue under itself and press the top of the tongue's tip to theinside of your bottom front teeth. Do this 10 times. Now you can yakfor hours without fear of straining something.

Jaw Massage

1. Place your open palms on either side of your head so that your earsare in the U shape between your thumb and pointer finger. Your palmsshould now be right over the main jaw muscle (the masseter) (photo1).

2. Rub vigorously up and down for 10 seconds. Your hands shouldmove over the skin and not force the skin to move over the muscle.

3. Now find the slight divot in your jaw bone that the masseter covers.This is the area we want to target with our thumb massage. Place yourthumbs directly under your ear lobes, then glide them forward towardyour nose. As soon as they hit the jawline they will be guided directlyinto this divot. Press in lightly with your thumbs (photo 2).

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4. Press with a moderate amount of force on the masseter divot withyour thumbs and rub clockwise 10 times. Repeat with 10 counterclock-wise motions.

*1 full cycle equals 10 clockwise motions and 10 counterclockwisemotions.

1 2

***This is a great massage to perform throughout the day. Jaws gettight quickly and once you've loosened it up you'll know how great itfeels to keep it that way.

Hip Flexor Stretch

1. Mimic the position below. Really lean forward into it and you willfeel the stretch on your inner thigh (in this case, the right one).

2. Repeat on the opposite side.

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*1 full cycle equals 30 seconds on each side (1 min. total).

The Preparation Routine

Throughout this entire routine keep your breathing even and deep.Consciously inhale through the nose for 5 seconds, hold for 1 second atthe top, and exhale through the nose for 5 seconds. It helps to audiblyexhale (no grunting). Do not pause at the bottom end of a breath (i.e.when you have fully exhaled).

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1. Cobra: 2 full cycles of straight Super Cobra, 2 full cycles ofTwisted Cobra

2. The Slump: 3 full cycles. At bottom of 3rd cycle, wigglehips slightly to loosen shoulders.

3. Gum Chewer: 1 full cycle

4. Jaw Massage: 2 full cycles. Repeat as necessarythroughout the day.

5. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle. Repeat as necessary.

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RecoverySelf Myofascial Release and the Art ofSelf Massage

DO NOT USE THESE MOVEMENTS ON OVERTLYSENSITIVE AREAS, PARTICULARLY THOSE THAT ARESTILL RECOVERING FROM INJURY.

When performed properly, these movements place pressureon your joints, muscles, tendons, and ligaments with thesame intensity of a deep massage. Remember: you are incontrol of how much pressure you apply to an area, so don'tpush it. If it hurts, don't do it.

Self Myofascial Release (SMR) is an extremely simple and effectivetool to immediately relieve muscle tension and improve muscle pliab-ility. This makes it the ideal first stop in relieving the tension you accu-mulated while riding.

SMR can be performed with a number of implements. While foamrollers of different densities, medicine balls of different sizes, and flex-ible plastic sticks are common choices, we will be using the crude andincredibly effective tennis ball.

The Rundown

The first stop on the Recovery Routine is the hips.

It is common to get a “dead butt” after riding thanks to constant anduneven pressure. In my case, I put uneven pressure on my glutes (glu-teus maximus, medius, and minoris) because of my bad seated pos-ture. Rather than slumping forward, I would usually collapse to theright, curving my spine in a U shape to the right. Also, I had a habit ofstanding with my left foot farther ahead of my right. This meant thatover time my left hip was always ahead of the right. Both of these put alot of pressure on my right cheek which meant it was the first to godead on a ride.

Not comfy.

Because of this unevenness I also developed a lot of tension in my glu-tes: both in my left from trying to counteract that lean and in the rightfrom trying to rearrange my position. By doing this I only made thingsgo from bad to worse. Fortunately there is a simple SMR remedy and acouple stretches to fix this problem.

Using the simple tennis ball, we can massage our hip muscles and re-gain hip flexibility while relieving tension.

We will also use the tennis ball to relieve some tension in the shouldermuscles and joints. A lot of pressure is placed on the shoulders after aride of leaning forward on them. Most of that tension actually is basedin the back of the shoulders (posterior deltoids) due to the full arm ex-tension common in cafe riding, thus that is the place that we willtarget.

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How to Recover

SMR with a tennis ball

This particular SMR movement targets a small internal hip musclecalled the piriformis. The piriformis is a small muscle in the hipswhich aids in hip rotation. Pain in this muscle is often associated withsciatica and similar nerve discomfort. Targeted massage on this partic-ularly tiny muscle greatly reduces hip tension and discomfort.

1. Get your tennis ball and some clear, flat floor space

2. Find the most sensitive area on your hips by lightly digging withyour knuckles. In my case this was almost solely on my right cheek.

3. Hover over the tennis ball (photo 1).

4. Place the tennis ball directly under the sensitive area and lower theaffected area lightly on top of the ball. Find a comfortable level of pres-sure (photo 2).

5. Slowly rotate your hips in tiny circles while maintaining even pres-sure on the spot.

6. Continue rotating for 15 seconds then repeat on opposite side evenif that side is unaffected.

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7. Repeat this routine over any other sensitive hip areas. Be sure to diga little with your knuckles to find them all.

*1 full cycle equals 15 seconds of rotation on each side (30 secondstotal).

1

2

***Some tips: Only increase the amount of pressure on a sensitivearea after a few massage sessions. These are muscles which you haveprobably never massaged before and they will be very sensitive tobruising.

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Hip Extension

1. Lie on your back, knees together, and bring your heels 8 inches awayfrom your butt.

2. Wrap your hands around your right knee and pull it toward yourchest (photo 1).

3. Slowly press with your left foot, pressing from the heel. Keep yourright knee as close to your chest as possible.

4. Raise your hips as high as you can then slowly lower your hips backto the ground (photo 2).

5. Repeat at least 15 times, then switch sides and do it with your leftknee to your chest.

*1 full cycle equals 15 hip raises on each side (30 hip raises total).

1

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2

***Note: it is likely you will hear some little pops while you arestretching. This is fine and is a great way to gross out anyone thatacts like a 12 year old girl.

Hip Stretch

1. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart and drop to your knees.

2. Place your hands in front of you: about 10 inches in front your kneesand a couple inches to either side (photo 1).

3. Slide your right knee back until it is beyond your left foot (photo 2).

4. Bring your left heel in front of your right knee and press againstyour left heel a bit with your right knee (photo 3).

5. Slowly lower yourself to the left and feel the stretch on your outerleft hip (photo 4).

6. Lower as far as you comfortably can and hold for 5 seconds (photo5).

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7. Bring your hips slowly back to center then lower again for 10seconds.

8. Return to center. Repeat process on opposite side

*1 full cycle equals 15 total seconds of stretching on each side (30seconds total).

1

2

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3

4

5

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SMR Shoulders

1. Hold the tennis ball against the wall at shoulder height (photo 1).

2. Press the back of the right shoulder (posterior deltoid) into the ten-nis ball (photo 2).

3. Slowly rotate with comfortable pressure for 20 seconds.

4. Repeat on left shoulder

*1 full cycle equals 20 seconds of rotation on each side (40 secondstotal)

1 2

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Back Stretch

This is another stretch from that stupid acting class. I call it The Rack(I really hated that class) and it goes like this:

1. Sit against a wall (stay away from picture frames and patchy spack-ling) and press your back as flatly against the wall as possible. Thedeeper the bend in your knees, the easier this will be.

*It may be difficult to get your back truly flat against the wall. In thiscase it is more important to get the mid and upper back flat to thewall, so if it helps, push your hips away from the wall. This will forceyour mid and upper back flat against the wall.

2. Place your hands over your head to form a diamond shape (photo1).

3. Slowly raise and straighten your arms over your head and bringyour hands together. Your arms and hands should stay flat against thewall throughout the motion (photo 2).

4. Now lower them so that your upper arms (triceps) press againstyour sides (photo 3).

*1 full cycle equals 1 full motion: arms at start, stretched overhead,then down to your sides.

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1 2

3

Besides SMR and stretches, there is one other item to add to your re-covery routine.

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Breathing

It sounds simple and it really is, but like proper posture, properbreathing is tough to remember. It is helpful to check yourselfthroughout the day. If you find that you are not in a clear state ofmind, take a couple seconds to hit the breathing reset button.

Most people (myself included) take very shallow breaths. In and outthrough the nose, only taking in enough air to slightly expand thechest. While this method provides enough oxygen to the bloodstreamto prevent brain damage, it is another source of tension in your body.Adjust your breathing situation and you will be less tense all over.

You could of course take slow, deep breaths all day (10 seconds in, 10seconds out), but that takes a surprising amount of mental energy. Soinstead of that, follow the theme of this guide and just use the quickand dirty fixes to set yourself right so you can go about your day likenormal.

The particular breathing technique that has given me massive relaxa-tion benefit in 10 seconds flat is called the Three Part breath (or dirgapranayama if you prefer). It works like this:

1. Inhale deeply (through your nose), filling your belly.

2. Relax your rib cage and fill that with air (imagine stacking air start-ing with your belly).

3. Fill your upper chest cavity with air.

4. Exhale (through your mouth) in the reverse order: upper chest,chest, belly. Ahhhhh.

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You don't need to do this throughout the day, but 2 or 3 Three Partbreaths will relax you like valium from a Pez dispenser.

The Recovery Routine,Part 1

As in the Preparation routine, keep some focus on your breathingthroughout the Recovery routine: slow and steady, smooth and even.Perform this routine after every ride so you can relax your tensemuscles while they are still warm.

1. Three Part Breath: 2 breaths

2. Hip Extension: 1 full cycle

3. Hip stretch: 2 full cycles

4. Hip SMR with tennis ball: 1 full cycle

5. Shoulder SMR with tennis ball: 1 full cycle

6. The Rack: 4 full cycles

7. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle (30 sec. each side. Refer toPreparation for photos)

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Recovery: Continued. Howto Eliminate Lower and

Mid Back Pain in 10Minutes.

The Rundown

The following movements (they are mostly static) are drawn from aform of physical therapy called the Egoscue Method. Clinics whichspecialize in this form of therapy are pricey, but the benefits areenormous. For the sake of this guide, only the most effective move-ments are shown.

I sit alot. All told I sit for about 9 hours a day. This sucks, but I havelearned that breaking up these long sit sessions with some Egoscuelets me sit for days on end. Thus, the Egoscue method is perfect forour purposes: it is simple and provides actual healing which allows usto continue riding.

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Static Back

1. Get a block, table, or chair that you can rest your lower legs on flatly.The block's height should be about equal to the length of your upperlegs.

2. Lie flat on your back with your lower legs resting flat on the block.Press your butt against the block so you mimic the position below. Ifyour lower back is curved a bit, that is okay. This position will slowlyrelax it and soon it will be flat against the floor.

3. Rest your arms flat on the ground, palms up, at about 9:30 and 3:30on the face of a clock.

4. Stay in this position for at least 5 minutes. The longer the better, soit is up to you. I like to take naps in this position because when I wakeup my back pain disappears for over a day.

*1 full cycle is 5 minutes minimum

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Static Back Pullovers

1. Stay in the same position as above.

2. Bring your hands together over your face (photo 1).

3. Slowly lower your arms (elbows locked) to the floor above yourhead. You will feel a moderate stretch in your upper back. It is vitalthat you keep your elbows locked, so if you can't touch the floor yet,don't worry about it (photo 2).

*1 full cycle is 25 lowers to the floor

1

2

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Pillow Pinchers

1. Lie on your back. Feet flat on the floor, heels about 10 inches fromyour butt. Feet must pointing straight or even pointed inward a bit.

2. Place a cushion (about 5 inches thick) between your knees andpinch it place with your knees (photo 1).

3. Lift your hips as high as possible. Now increase the pinching tensionon the cushion and hold for 2 seconds. Repeat that pinching about 30times (photo 2).

4. Keep the cushion in place. Raise your hips high and then lower yourbutt to the floor slowly. Keep tension on the cushion. Repeat 15 times(alternate between photo 1 and 2).

*1 full cycle is 30 pinches on the floor plus 15 pinched hip raises.

1

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2

Static Extension on Elbows

1. Get on the floor on your hands and knees, hips over your knees andshoulders over your hands (photo 1).

2. Move your hands about 8 inches forward, then put your elbows inthose exact spots (photo 2 and 3).

3. Make your hands into fists and do a thumbs up. Then lightly pointyour thumbs away from each other.

4. Push your hips back a bit until you have a small arch in your lowerback (photo 4).

5. Relax your neck and let your head drop.

6. Hold for 1 minute

*1 full cycle is 1 minute

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1

2

3

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4

***This is the Egoscue money move. 1 minute of this is as good as 20minutes in a hot tub.

The Recovery Routine,Part 2

I highly suggest doing these moves every day, regardless of riding. Infact I highly suggest you get every member of your family to do thesebecause it feels so good.

In any event, do the following routine for every 2 hours you spendseated or in the saddle and most back pain will stay at bay.

1. Static Back: 1 full cycle (or nap)

2. Static Back Pullovers: 1 full cycle

3. Pillow Pinchers: 1 full cycle

4. Static Extension on Elbows: 1 full cycle

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Prevention

The Rundown

Up until now the focus has been on relieving the tension that comesfrom riding, but now is the time to nip that tension in the bud. Whatfollows is the most important chapter in this guide.

In the chapter The Little Things Add Up I yammered on and on adnauseum about how your gym teacher lied to you, how everything youknow about exercise is wrong, to kill your television blah blah blah.The purpose of that rant was just for this chapter. In it I hope to dispelthe myth that exercise is time consuming and complicated once andfor all.

First, some housecleaning: I want you to stop exercising.

If you like jumping jacks, stop that. If you like basketball, go nuts.

Exercise --and more specifically, strength training-- should never in-terfere with your favorite sport or activity. This means you should nev-er be unable to play basketball because you worked out your calves toomuch in an attempt to get a higher vertical leap just for basketball.

For the sake of this guide, consider riding to be your favorite sport.This means that whatever exercise routine we undertake should bene-fit that sport and should never interfere with it.

If any exercise impedes my ability to enjoy something else I really like,that exercise does not belong on my list. It could be the most effectiveexercise in the world (seriously heavy squat programs come to mind),but because those would make me walk like a zombie with hemor-rhoids, heavy squats have no place on this list. We all know zombiescan't ride Nortons.

Exercise should be elegant. That means it must be simple, ruthlesslyeffective, and --to me at least-- should not be enjoyable. I want to en-joy the results of my exercise, not the act of exercising.

Deluding yourself into loving the gym environment for its social op-portunities is the straightest path to wasting time, so let's nip that inthe bud and work out at home. There are a number of excellent reas-ons to do that.

1. A lot of the time wasted in common exercise lies in getting to whereyou will exercise. Ditch that commute and replace it with the completeroutine below. What a time saver.

2. Working out in gyms is an expensive way to gab with strangers.Chatting with your fellow meat heads over a refreshing bottle ofvanilla protein powder while trying to achieve the over-hyped and or-gasmic "pump" will earn you gym cred and 1 less hour that you couldhave spent riding.

3. Working out around other people --especially in a gym rank withpeople with propensities for audibly giving birth to each repetition--will inevitbly lead to "friendly advice" that will only serve to impedeyour progress. I have followed the latest and greatest tips for years andgotten as far forward as 2 steps back.

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For our purposes, there is no need to leave the house to strength trainbecause the most effective exercises are dirt cheap and stupidlysimple. Simple, elegant exercises don't require fancy equipment, thusthere is no need to leave home.

Let's get to it.

Start at the Back

Every muscle on the backside of your body is included in the posteriorchain, from your calves to your trapezius.

When riding cafe, you have to lean forward a bit. Most of the time thisdoesn't actually mean hunching over: it means sitting with a ratherstraight back while cantilevered forward at the waist.

This means two things:

1. Your waist is effectively sliding ahead of your hips, creating an un-comfortable arching in the lower back.2. Your arms are nearly locked in an attempt to maintain this uprightposition.

This is the natural state of things when cafe racing and to change thatwould be to no longer cafe race. So, grow those muscles to betterhandle this stressful position.

You are not going to change the shape of your bike, so change theshape of your muscles.

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How to Prevent

The Prevention Routine targets the areas of the posterior chain inex-tricably linked to riding cafe: the hips and waist, the center back, theneck and the shoulders.

Performing the routine will be blindingly simple. It is the rest periodthat you need to be mindful of.

Rest is vital to gaining strength, so there will be a fair number of daysbetween performing the routine. During your days off it is imperativethat you avoid other hard exercise (that includes running) becauseyour muscles need all the leisure they can get to rematerialize strongerthan they were before.

Follow the Prevention Routine to the letter and you will be right ontarget.

The Glutes and Lower Back

The best part of the female anatomy is a tricky thing to get right. Whilewe don't need to be bootylicious to ride comfortably, giving the buttsome shape will go a long way toward doing that. What's more, in-creasing glute strength will ward off numbness and the ever lurking"dead butt" that can quickly kill the mood.

Lower back strength is integral to butt prowess. A stong lower backwill help keep your hips and glutes in place. Stationary hips are a goodthing because that will prevent unnecessary strain on the back, thebase of which is of course right at the hips. In addition --in my case at

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least-- the lower back is often the first thing to fatigue on a ride, so astrong lower back is going to let me ride that much longer.

So soft butts and weak lower backs are bad news, not only for ridingbut for looking sexy in general. Luckily for us, there is a way to killboth these birds with one kick ass stone.

The single best home exercise for strengthening the glutes and lowerback in one fell swoop is the vertical hip extension (or more crasslyknown as the “Air Hump”). It is a favorite of many an aspiring hip hopback-up dancer whose livelihood may one day be determined by Bon-ita Applebum. My thanks to “Christina” for teaching me this and sub-sequently taking me on the most embarrassing date of my life: hip hopdance class.

It can be performed with no additional weight or with as much weightas you can manage. If you want to use weight, start with 45 lbs. See thePrevention Routine for more info.

The Air Hump

1. Lie flat on your back. Feet flat, bring your heels about 8 inches fromyour butt. Toes pointed straight ahead (photo 1).

2. No weight: Place your arms and hands flat by your sides. Withweight: support the weight in place directly over your hips. (I like touse weight plates from the gym, but you can even use milk jugs filledwith whatever. Keep track of the weight so you can track progress.)

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3. SLOWLY raise your hips, driving with your heels. This should take 5seconds.

4. Raise until you cannot anymore and your glutes are fully contracted(photo 2).

5. Hold this position for 1 second.

6. SLOWLY lower your hips (for 5 seconds) until they just kiss theground, then raise them again. Do not allow any pause at the bottomof the movement.

7. Repeat until you cannot do any more.***

1

2**Using weight will dramatically increase your glute strength,but no weight has benefit too.

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***VITAL NOTE: when I say “repeat until you cannot do any-more, I mean until you are shaking and cannot move anoth-er millimeter. THIS IS IMPERATIVE and this is also wherethis way of exercising really differs from the days of phys ed.Perform repetitions to muscle failure with PERFECT FORMand you will see rapid growth no question. Determine yourown point of failure by testing different weights before per-forming the full Prevention Routine. For more informationon this technique refer to the High Intensity Training Prin-ciples in the Resources chapter.

The Center

There is one exercise that targets your waist and sides with aplomb.

The Plank will strengthen the sides of the hips (gluteus medius). Thismeans greater glute side support. Better glute side support means thehips will remain on the same plane for longer and this is good for longterm comfort in the saddle.

In addition, the Plank strengthens the sides of your waist (the ob-liques). These thin, sheet-like muscles stabilize your waist and helpkeep the waist directly over the hips. That is a good thing for extendedriding comfort and straight posture alike.

The Plank

1. Lay flat on your stomach on a hard surface.

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2. Elevate your shoulders by placing your elbows directly beneaththem.

3. Lift your entire body onto your shoulders and balls of feet. Stay asstiff as, well, a plank (photo 1).

4. Hold for 30 seconds.

5. Now roll to the left side (photo 2).

6. Hold for 30 seconds.

7. Repeat on right side.

*1 full cycle equals front plank, left plank, and right plank.

1

2***Once you can hold 30 seconds on each plank easily, increase by 15seconds until you reach 90 seconds.

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The Neck

Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and UFC will put your neck under some pressure.

All that grappling can really do some damage. Riding for any period oftime can be damaging too.

In the case of cafe racing, where the head is slightly tilted up, thatpressure will mount quickly. It is tricky to mitigate that pressure whileriding, and if you can it probably means you will be looking directly atthe gas tank. Not safe.

So in lieu of relieving that pressure, we will strengthen the neck tokeep that pressure at bay a bit longer. Take a page from some profes-sional grapplers who know a thing or two about keeping the neck safeand use your own two hands.

Manual Neck Resistance

Front1. Put your palms to your forehead (photo 1).

2. Press the chin down to the chest using the hands for resistance.Maintain a constant and very stiff resistant pressure (photo 2).

3. Once the chin hits the chest, press with your hands to bring the chinback up. Resist that movement with your neck.

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1 2

Back1. Put your hands behind your head (photo 1).

2. Press back with your neck using hands for resistance. Maintain verystrong resistance (you should be shaking a bit) (photo 2).

3. Press forward with your hands using your neck for resistance.

1 2

Side1. Put the left hand on the left side of your head (photo 1).

2. Press your left ear to your left shoulder using your hand for resist-ance. Do not raise your shoulder to meet your ear (photo 2).

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3. Press your head back up with your hand using neck for resistance.Maintain very strong resistance throughout. Again, you should beshaking a bit from the intensity.

4. Repeat on right side.

The side of your neck (not shoulders) should be very tight. Thereshould be no cramping if form is correct.***Press for 4 seconds no matter which direction you move yourneck. Be deliberate and slow.

1 2*1 full cycle equals 5 reps front, 5 back, and 5 on each side.

Bringing It all Together:One Stop Shopping

The preceding exercises have targeted particular parts of the posteriorchain. Each represents the minimal amount of exercise needed for

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specific and significant results in improving riding posture and com-fort. However, there is one final exercise that brings them all together.

If anyone knows anything about gaining muscle the quick and dirtyway, it is the Russians. Discount the instances (anecdotal and other-wise) of steroid and substance abuse and you will still find that there ismore to Russian athleticism than pulling beets and lifting bottles ofводка. They have honed an exercise so effective that it is nearly onestop shopping on the quest for good posture.

It is the Russian Kettlebell swing and it is awesome.

Kettlebells are funny looking things. Imagine a cannonball with a met-al handle and you basically got it. They are stupidly simple tools,therefore they are perfect for our needs.

Kettlebell swings are designed for one thing: to strengthen the entireposterior chain and prepare the athlete for the physical stresses of in-tense throwing competitions (shot putting, hammers, dwarves, etc.).The swing will improve your mobility and strengthen your butt, back,shoulders, and neck so that your posture is more imposing than Zeusor more tempting than Aphrodite.

The kettlebell swing is a unisex exercise that produces profoundlygender specific results. It makes waists smaller, chests larger, andbutts firmer. Women will not become bulky from this exercise, menwill not become Tinkerbell either. It just works.

If there is one drawback to this exercise, it is the kettlebells them-selves. They are not cheap. There is however, a cheap solution thatmimics and in many ways improves upon the kettlebell. It ishomemade and will cost less than $15 to make.

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Locate the Make your own Kettlebells section in the Resourceschapter to learn how to do this. In the demonstration photos I am us-ing my preferred design of homemade kettlebell, the T bar.

So what weight to start with? Well if you are a guy (or a girl that lookslike one), 40-45 lbs is a good place to start. If you are a girl (or a guythat looks like one), 30-32 lbs is a good starting place.

Kettlebell Swing Pointers

1. Shoulders pushed back and down2. Shoulders stay behind the knees at all times3. When the bells swings back, you perform a sitting, not a squattingmovement (hence, the shoulders staying behind the knees).4. For the pushing motion, flex your ass like you never have before.5. Pick a spot at head height on the wall in front of you and do notbreak eye contact with it throughout the exercise.

The Russian Kettlebell Swing:Execution

1. Stand with feet about 10 inches beyond shoulder width. Left toesshould be pointed to about 10:30 on the clock face, right pointed to1:30 (photo 1).

2. Raise the bell with a straight back (photo 2).

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3. Sit back slightly to initiate the swing (photo 3).

4. Quickly and strongly push the hips forward while lifting lightly withyour straight arms. This will swing the bell forward to where we wantit (photo 4).

5. As the bell swings back, sit back slightly. Your hands should befirmly under your crotch.

6. Swing the weight forward by pushing forcefully with the hips. Thebell will move higher and higher over the next 3 or 4 reps. Full peak isreached when the bell swings nearly to eye level (photo 5). Hit thatpoint on every swing for the rest of the set.

7. Once eye level height is reached, each repetition will alternatebetween photo 3 and 5.

1 2

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3 4

5

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Unlike a lot of weight training exercises, I do not suggest markedly in-creasing the weight you use for the Russian Kettlebell Swing. Say youstart with 45 lbs. As your routine becomes easier, peak at 60 or 65 lbsrather than continuing on to your max weight.

This exercise (nay, this whole guide) is about preparing the body forriding and having great posture, not becoming beefcake. If you wantthat, check out the Resources section. Besides, if you think swinging45 lbs in front of you is dangerous, just imagine 100 lbs out there.

And there you have it. The Russian Kettlebell Swing. It is a great stan-dalone exercise and, to be honest, if you did nothing but the swing youwould have ridiculously sexy posture and drastically increased ridingcomfort poste haste. That being said, I highly recommend followingthe Prevention Routine to the letter for the best results.

P.S. Your ass will be sore for a couple days, but not so much that ithurts to use it. You will get past that after a couple sessions.

The Prevention Routine

Perform this routine every third day. If you do it monday, that meansyou do it thursday, then sunday, wednesday and so on. Allow 2minutes rest between each exercise except just after hip flexorstretches which will increase your hip extension on the kettle bellswings and air hump.

1. Plank: 1 full cycle.

2. Manual Neck Resistance: 2 full cycles.

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No rest between cycles.

3. Hip Flexor Stretch: 1 full cycle (30 sec. each side)

4. Russian Kettlebell Swings: 3 sets of 20 reps.Rest 2 minutes between sets.

5. Air HumpOption A: Weighted: Perform one set to failure. Point of fail-ure must be less than 14 repetitions.Option B: No weight: 3 sets of 15. 30 seconds rest betweensets

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The PostureChecklist

The Rundown

Below is the Posture Checklist. Think of it as a crib sheet for how to sitand stand.

Notice that there is no mention of how to position you back. This is be-cause if you adjust everything else properly, the back falls into perfectplace.

If you constantly readjust your back first, you will cause stress on oth-er areas which will pass their pain right back to the back.

I humbly suggest doing the opposite.

Adjust and tweak your neck, jaw, shoulders, arms, abdomen, and hips,millimeter by millimeter until you hit the sweet spot for your back. Be-cause you will notice discomfort in the back's ancillary physiology first(such as the shoulders) --whereas backpain typically takes longer tomaterialize-- you will learn to adjust them incrementally.

This method will produce the longest lasting comfort results in theback and all over.

You will also notice there is no suggestion of how to ride with perfectposture. This is because everybody's bike is different (if they weren't,cafe racing would be pretty lame). What works for me on my bike willnot work on yours. Use the adjustment tips above to find your ridingsweet spot.

Remember, if you don't have success with what you are doing, do theopposite first. Results will come much faster that way than if you dog-matically stick to adjusting the exact same way over and over and ex-pect different results. That is insanity.

Good posture mindset and execution are reciprocal. Get into a state ofmind where you have Superman's posture: walk like a cape is blowingin the wind behind you.

Now that you've got that in your head, do this:

1. Stand up.2. Imagine a horse's bit just in front of your mouth.3. Chomp onto that bit.4. Feel the bit lifting slowly with you still attached.5. As the bit rises, your posture naturally falls into ideal

position.6. Now, your nose is high, your shoulders are down and back,

and your back is subsequently straight.

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How to Walk Tall

Head: jaw relaxed, chin highNeck: relaxedShoulders: pushed downward and back slightlyAbdomen: sucked in slightlyButt: flexed slightlyFeet: pointed straight ahead

*do not arch lower back

How to Sit Straight

Head: jaw relaxed, chin downward slightlyNeck: pulled back slightlyShoulders: totally relaxedAbdomen: tensed slightlyKnees: bent at 45 degreesFeet: flat on floor

*slight arch in lower back

While at a desk:If typing at a desk, keep the computer screen as far from theeyes as possible.

Do not use a keyboard that is more than 6 inches above yourlap. Keyboards should be as close to the chest as possible so

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you don't have to extend your arms far, causing extra fatigue.Pull your arms forward and elevate them using your chestfirst, then shoulders and arms. Make sure you can rest mostof your forearms on the desk.

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Conclusion: TheStrong Rider

To ride a motorcycle is a bizarre choice Somewhere along the way mandecided it was a good idea to put 400 pounds of sharp and hot metal 4inches from his groin and call it transportation. And I have not lookedback since.

To me, riding is a profoundly stupid activity. It is wrong to want to ex-pose myself to the possibility of dragging my body on asphalt into on-coming traffic. It is wrong to want to spend hours fiddling with thebike when I know I will only screw it up. It is wrong to think that rid-ing is somehow faster than taking the car, because once I put all thegear on, the car would be half way there.

But I am so happy I made the choice to ride every time I saddle up andwarble down the driveway. Yet, as we know, a price must be paid forthat choice.

To salve the wounds of the decision to ride, there are many pathswhich will claim to solve the pain problem. In my short life I havetaken many, and I hope it is only the stupidity of youth that kept megoing. I eventually found solutions to this problem and it only cost memy time. I believe that all the time researching, testing, and failing hasproved fruitful.

I am genuinely pleased that, no matter how old or in pain you are, youhave found this guide. Now that you've read it, apply it. If you followthe teachings presented here, you will benefit.

To ride or to comfort? That is no longer the question. Because now youcan have your cake and eat it too.

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Resources

Self Myofascial Release

--Robertson's Training Systems- Self Myofascial Release: Purpose,Methods and Techniques by Mike Robertson, MS, CSCS- Download-able PDF at http://robertsontrainingsystems.com/downloads/SMR-manual.pdf

A student from Loma Linda School of Medicine's Department ofPhysical Therapy recommended this book to me. It is jam packed withevery type of SMR imaginable and is where I learned the most import-ant piriformis massage. Highly recommended if you have any otherareas that could use a deep, massaging touch. A complete and totallyfree version can be found at the link above.

Egoscue

--Egoscue Clinics- Egoscue.com

Founded by Peter Egoscue, this method of postural realignment doesnot use massage or manipulation to achieve its goals. A visit to a clinicmay be worthwhile if you can invest the time and money ($250 for one

visit, $1495 for the full 8 week personalized monty {prices reflect SanFrancisco clinic and vary by location}). Go to their website to find theclinic closest to you.

Kettle Bell Swing

For a very good article on the intensity and cardiovascular value of dif-ferent types of kettlebell swings, read the comparison of Russian andAmerican Kettlebell Swings and the essay, both by Crossfit. Great asthe American style is, it is unsuited to our purposes as it places lessemphasis on the hips and is significantly easier to screw up.

Comparison: http://www.crossfit.com/journal/library/25_04_ket-tlebell_swing.pdf

Essay: http://xbodyfitness.typepad.com/xtra/2009/08/ending-the-swing-controversy.html

Make your own Kettle Bells

-How to make a Kettle Bell by Todayfit-ness.net. http://www.mazzland.com/budgetbody/makekettle-bell.htm

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I much prefer the T Bar design using thesepieces:

One 3/4” by 12” pipe nipple (if you are shorter than 5'6”, go with a 10”or even 8”)Two 3/4” by 4” pipe nipplesOne 3/4” pipe T bar fittingOne 3/4” flange

As for the actual weight plates that you need to attach to the T bar,those can be had for dirt cheap. Start at thrift stores and root throughtheir exercise stuff. Next, check out a used sports goods store. If thosetwo fail (but they won't), go to Big 5 and troll the sales racks.

High Intensity Training

-The New High Intensity Training by Ellington Darden, Ph.D.DrDarden.com

High Intensity Training (HIT) shattered every notion I had aboutstrength training. Simply put: HIT states that muscles grow whenpushed to their limit. This means rather than the typical 3-4 sets of 10reps of a given exercise, you perform one set to failure, consisting of7-15 reps typically.

Large muscle gains are lauded by this technique, often in the 6pounds a week range. While I don't have the genetics to certify thatclaim, I have recorded gains of 14 pounds in 19 days while cutting 3pounds of fat.

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This method is highly controversial and nowhere is the disbelieflouder than the meathead camp. I think these people are just pissedthat it took them 2 years of highly inefficient exercise to accomplishwhat can be done in 4 months with HIT.

Read up on HIT. Even if you never try it or even half ass it, at leastyou have conversed with another side of the exercise scene.

How to Perform HIT: the Basics

• For lower body exercises (including hips/glutes), aim for12-14 repetitions.

• For upper body exercises (excluding kettlebell swingswhich should not be used with HIT principles), aim for 6-8repetitions.

• Form is the most important element of HIT. You mustmaintain perfect form throughout every repetition andevery exercise.

• Do not pause at any point during most exercises (Airhumps excepted). Do not let your muscle rest at the top orbottom end of the rep. Round out your movements and besmooth.

• For each repetition: lift for 5 seconds, lower for 5 seconds.• Rest 3 minutes between each exercise• Do not perform more than 8-10 exercises per routine• The larger the muscle, the more rest it needs to fully

recover.

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@Created by PDF to ePub