issue 07, 2012

we don’t need no education14 love is all around18 pop it like it’s hot21 space oddity28 oops ...they did it again

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facebook.com/VergeFestival twitter.com/VergeFestival

issue 07contents

Shutter Up 04

News 05

Columns 06

What’s On 08

Interview 17

Campus Chatter 24

Youniversity 31

Food & Booze 32

Travel 33

Fashion 35

Sport 36

Science & Tech 37

The Arts 38

Reviews 40

Club Hub 43

Stop. Puzzletime 45

The Bull Pen 46

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contentswe don't need no

education

love is all around

pop it like it's hot

space oddity

oops ... they did it again

14

10

21

21

10

love is all around

EditorsBronte LambourneLawrence MuskittaMisa HanPierce HartiganXiaoran Shiusubullmag@gmail.com

ContributorsRob North, John Rowley, Jim Fishwick, Margaret Zhang, Mason McCann, Lovelle D’Souza, Neroli Austin, Caitee Campbell, Guilia Russo, Erica Woodward, Diana Pham, Jill Grant, Nick Rowbotham, Michael West, Emily Claire Swanson, Eleanor Gordon-Smith, Flora Grant, Stephanie Hayes, Neroli Austin

PubliCations ManagErLouisa Stylian

dEsign ManagEr Anjali Belani

dEsignNina Bretnall Simon Macias

www.usuonlinE.CoMFaCEbook.CoM/usubullMagazinE

The views in this publication are not necessarily the views of USU. The information contained within this edition of Bull was correct at the time of printing.

This publication is brought to you by the University of Sydney Union and the University of Sydney.

issuE 07, 2012

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bull USUonline.com what’s on

shutter up

AmBiTion Sunset casting

a unique reflection outside the Footbridge

Theatre. PHoToGRAPHeR:

FReiA emmA-eSTA KiRKAlDY [iPHone 4S F2.4, 1/30]

4 bull USUonline.com shutter up

SnAP! Send us your unique, arty or just plain cool (as in, not another quad shot) campus snap to usubullmag@gmail.com. We’ll publish our faves each edition in full page glory. High-res, 300dpi jpegs only – portrait-orientation.

issue 07 news

incubate: Fostering sydney university entrpreneurs

The USU is proud to launch INCUBATE - the first of its kind startup development program which aims to support students, researchers and recent alumni of the University of Sydney. Through the program, the USU will provide four high-potential startup projects with a $5,000 business grant (with no equity taken) and the opportunity to be mentored by some of Australia’s most recognised entrepreneurs. The launch of INCUBATE will be held on Thursday 20 September, Glass foyer, New Law Building @ 5.30pm (6pm start). The event will feature a speaking panel of distinguished entrepreneurs. RSVP is essential so please register: incubate.org.au

huMans vs. ZoMbies

When hell is full, the dead will walk Eastern Avenue.

Get your gear. On Saturday 6 October, the main campus will transform into the hellish outpost where humans will try to survive against an incoming zombie horde. Part of Verge Festival, the marathon Humans vs. Zombies is a game of modified tag using Nerf weaponry. With missions for humans and zombies, it’s no wonder this event sold out in under an hour. Follow along on social media and cheer on your fellow humans or watch the last ray of hope disappear.

get up! stand up! coMedy gala

Manning Bar will play host to the Get up! Stand Up! Comedy Gala on 19 September and 17 October at 1pm. The gala will be emceed by our very own Verge Fest 2012 Director James Colley and will feature five Sydney University comics. The star of the show, headliner Dave Jory, who has appeared on well known TV shows such as The NRl Footy Show, Stand up Australia and last Comic Standing, makes this a not-to-be-missed event which promises to induce embarrassing fits of laughter.

verge awards 2012

Entries may have closed for this year’s Verge Awards but don’t miss out on voting for your favourite artistic expression. On 4 October at 6pm, the Verge Awards ceremony and exhibition will take place at the Verge Gallery, which will showcase the works of Sydney University students. The People’s Choice voting will open online on Friday 5 October and close Friday 26 October. You can vote here: usuonline.com/vergeawards

news

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Humans armed with Nerf blasters prepare to shoot down the invading zombies and save the University

Dave Jory will crack you up. Seriously.

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Being at the helm of the Verge Festival is like being on a chariot. All you can do is steer and hope that the giant beast pulling you along doesn’t get out of control. Also, it’s the best.

We’re James Colley and Lauren Eisinger and have we got a festival for you! (We do). We’ve been working all year to fill your October with fun and excitement and can’t wait for you to join us. As part of Verge Festival, you can expect to see the Sydney Youth Orchestra conjure The Magical Music of Disney. You’ll dance your feet off to Richard in Your Mind and Tin Can Radio. You’ll have your wands at the ready for Harry Potter Trivia in the Great Hall. You’ll laugh all night with the 24-hour comedy gig and fend off zombies as the campus plays host to a giant nerf battle. Not to mention our wonderful closing night which features the Axis of Awesome and DJ Tom Loud, both fresh from selling out the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

There’s drama, comedy, art, dance, and also giant inflatable things. We have everything you could possibly want from a festival and also a slow bike race. Verge this year has a little bit of fun for everyone - all you have to do is get involved. We’ll see you there.

With the annual Revues Season taking over the last few weeks, there’s been a burst of comedy, music, dancing and nudity at the Seymour Centre – and the best thing is, all the shows have been wholly written and performed by Sydney Uni students!

USU has a long history in supporting Revues. Since the 1930s, Sydney University hosted some of the biggest and funniest acts. In 2007, the Women’s Revue even toured the UK, and 2006 saw the Arts Revue perform in Melbourne.

Every year, the USU assists faculties and affiliated sites in creating Revue societies and provides them with the funding for Revue camps, rehearsal space and production costs. Revue societies can receive grants of up to $8,000 that are often supplemented by their faculties or other external sponsors. Students can get involved in every way: acting, singing, dancing, backstage assistance, band playing, directing or producing.

Whilst some Revues are small productions with a cozy cast and homegrown humour, others may create extravagant performances and use their Revue as a charity fundraiser. In 2010, the Medical Revue ‘Cadavatar’ raised over $43,000 for the Cure Cancer Australia Foundation and the Milk Crate Theatre.

USU is proud to provide students the opportunity to come together, push the boundaries, and create thought-provoking, exciting and entertaining Revues.

president’s deskTHe USU'S PReSiDenT GiveS YoU THe lowDown on wHAT'S Been HAPPeninG in THe BUSY USU oFFiceSastha raJvanshi

student leader diary eAcH monTH, we ASK Some oF THe STUDenTS in THe cAmPUS commUniTY ABoUT THeiR exPeRience.JaMes colley and lauren eisinger verge Festival directors, 2012

editors’ note bronte, lawrence, Misa, pierce and Xiaoran

If Bull were a fashion magazine, we would be scavenging for novel ideas to mark the beginning of a fashion year. As Anna Wintour said about Vogue’s September issue, there is something about fashion that makes people really nervous and it is our duty to skin those nervous wrecks out of Kmart t-shirts and bathe them in a new Prada dress. Or something like that.

But it is not only the wardrobe that needs a change. Take that Australia Day playlist you still listen to or that loyalty card with 40 skim lattes stamped on it or another Friday night spent watching The Newsroom. Pick all of them up off your floor and feed them to your dog.

The unpleasant thought of stealing someone’s Spotify playlist or having an awkward conversation with someone who you thought was interesting at 3am on a Saturday is what makes your last season self almost bearable. A couple of weeks ago, I started seeing a guy next door only to slip back into my old habits because unreturned text messages are worse than being a live model for a Kmart catalogue.

But it’s time to update that playlist and go to a café that just popped up around the corner and pick up the phone that no longer rings. Because it’s September and the wardrobe is getting old and you like your girls insane and I feel so alone on a Friday night and we were born to die.

BULL xx

The Charles Perkins Centre is an exciting University of Sydney research collaboration, challenging existing approaches to the treatment and management of obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular disease. We are calling for applications from full-time undergraduate students for our annual Summer Research Scholarships.

Students on each project we support will receive a stipend of $300 per week (maximum of eight weeks). Projects need to conclude on 28 February 2013. Please submit your application by 31 October 2012.

For more information and to apply, visit

sydney.edu.au/perkins/news

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what’s onFoR THe FUll cAlenDAR oF evenTS – HeAD To usuonline.coM AnD clicK THe cAlenDAR.clUBS AnD SocS – RememBeR To SUBmiT YoUR evenTS on THe weBSiTe!

bull USUonline.com what’s onbull USUonline.com what’s on

Mon tue wed thu Fri

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oKToBeRFeST 12pm, Manning Bar

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PeRFoRmAnce niGHT 6pm, Verge Gallery

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Mondays every week

FRee Film ScReeninG 6pm, International Student Lounge

tuesdays every week

AUSTRAliAn DiScUSSion GRoUP 3-4pm, International Student Lounge

TUeSDAY Tv 12-3pm, Manning Bar

RocK YA BAllS BinGo 5-6pm, Hermann's Bar

HeRmAnn’S TRiviA 1-2pm, Hermann’s Bar

wednesdays every week

FoRniGHTlY mARKeTS 11am-3pm, Eastern Ave (1 August-17 August)

FoRniGHTlY FUncH (FUn @ lUncH) 1-2pm, Eastern Ave (8 August-24 October)

mAnninG TRiviA5-6pm, Manning Bar

Film SocieTY FRee Film ScReeninG6pm, International Student Lounge

SUnSeT JAZZ6:30-9:30pm, Manning Bar

PRoJecT 52 comeDY7.30-10.30pm, Hermann’s Bar

thursdays every week

THeATReSPoRTS® 1-2pm, Manning Bar

Pool comPeTiTion4-6pm, International Student Lounge

Fridays every week

weeKenD wARm-UP DJS4-7pm, Manning Bar

FRiDAY niGHT live7-11pm, Hermann’s Bar

T.G.i.F (Tell GRADS iTS FRiDAY)Postgrad Drinks first Friday of the month 5:30pm, Hermann’s Bar (3 August, 7 September, 5 October)

top picks staMping grounds Festival Sunday 30 September 201212–11pm, Manning Bar

Festival season has kicked off and this year, Manning Bar will play host to Stamping Grounds Festival. Promising to be a festival with a difference, Stamping Grounds will provide up-and-coming acts with a platform to showcase their musical talents alongside established artists.

Spread over two stages, this all-music, all-Australian festival is set to entertain with street performers, burlesque dancers and installation artists accompanying the local talent.

Line up: Over Reactor, Gay Paris, Cash Savage & The Last Drinks, Melody Black, Black Devil Yard Boss, The Lazys, Casino Rumblers, Graveyard Rockstars, Particles, Fait Accompli, Spirit Valley, Little Bastard, Doc Holiday Takes The Shotgun, Fouulhawk, B Massive, Reckless Vagina, Berkshire Hunting Club, She Rex, The Hollow Bones and The Heavies.

TicketsAccess: $21.25 + bf from Access DeskGeneral: $25 + bf from OZTIX

drunken Moon Festival Saturday 13 October 20127pm-Midnight, Manning Bar

Described as “way too dirty for soap,” Drunken Moon is an eclectic festival that features the best of rock, blues, rockabilly, gospel and filth.

The line-up, devised by James Grim, front man of Brothers Grim & The Blue Murders, is a collection of the best live bands he’s seen in the past year. Acts selected are ones that draw inspiration from varied old time musical roots, fused with a modern twist.

Line Up: Brothers Grim & The Blue Murders, Gay Paris, Jackson Firebird, Mother And Son, Howlin' Steam Train, Papa Pilko and The Binrats.

Tickets Access: $21.25 + bf from Access DeskGeneral: $25 + bf from hermannsbar.com / 1300 762 545

week 08thursday 20 septeMber

incUBATe lAUncH evenT5.30pm for 6pm start, Glass Foyer, New Law Building

week 09wednesday 03 october

iT’S Alive! veRGe FeSTivAl oPeninG niGHT PARTY7pm, Verge Festival Dome

thursday 04 october

STATSoc’S AmAZinG RAce4.30pm, International Lounge

saturday 06 october

HUmAnS vS. ZomBieS9am-Midnight, Verge Festival Dome

week 10Monday 08 october

HARRY PoTTeR TRiviA6.30pm, The Great Hall

wednesday 10 october

FUncH: mAD HATTeR’S HiGH TeA12-2pm, Verge Festival Dome

thursday 11 october

oKToBeRFeST12pm, Manning Bar

week 11tuesday 16 october

SUAnime AnnUAl GeneRAl meeTinG5-7pm, Badham Room, Holme Building

wednesday 18 october

clUBS & SocieTieS AwARDS niGHT7pm, Manning Bar

issue 07 what’s on

bull USUonline.com Feature

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no graduation day For stephanie hayes.

The figures don’t bode well. Approximately one in five domestic students will drop out of their course during their first year. Only Melbourne University and Australian National University have dropout rates in the single digits for first year domestic students, according to the latest studies from the Federal Education Department.

But why do students stop their studies? And are universities doing anything to combat this?

Researchers suggest the main reasons students leave are flawed decision-making about their course, a failure to cope with course demands, poor student experiences within the university and outside events affecting their lives. One authority on the first year experience, Professor Nelson from Queensland University of Technology, told The Age that Australian universities make the flawed assumption that students can cope with the demands of a course just because they have qualified for entry.

It’s second semester, and you may have noticed the cute boy from Chemistry is missing from your lectures, or perhaps that girl from Philosophy you can’t stop

thinking about has been repeatedly absent. While you’re probably hoping they’re on a semester-long exchange in Sweden, the statistics tell us it’s more likely they’ve joined the ranks of Australian university dropouts.

Many struggling students feel they are not given enough assistance to adjust to university life. The majority of students approached for this article about their study experience said they felt their institution failed to offer them basic information needed to navigate the university; such as tutorials of online resources, tours, peer mentoring, and details on counselling and academic advising.

Confusion over timetabling, tours and textbooks may seem like trivial reasons to leave university, but lacking this basic understanding of available resources can greatly affect one’s studies. Ben, a former student of Macquarie University, admits he withdrew because he couldn’t navigate the online timetabling system, so couldn’t balance his studies with his part-time job. Similarly, Tom, a Sydney University Media student, says he was behind for five weeks until he learned to operate the online resource website.

University counsellors nationwide note that many students’ academics are unnecessarily affected, simply because students aren’t aware of the available services. “Frequently the students who meet with me don’t realise they can gain special consideration for illness or family issues, and their academics are needlessly suffering as a result,” one University of New South Wales counsellor noted. “Some simply hadn’t considered studying part-time, or didn’t know the census dates to withdraw without fail in order to maintain good academic standing.” This information is available online, she noted, but not commonly accessed.

UNSW’s Peer Mentoring service, offered to all first years during semester one,

studEnts sElECt CoursEs

basEd on ParEntal PrEssurE, FuturE CarEEr

ProsPECts, suCCEss in thE subjECt during sChool, or

FEEling thE nEEd to ‘usE’ thEir atar and basing CoursE ChoiCEs on thE Cut-oFF sCorE rathEr

than thEir intErEsts.

issue 07 Feature

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was only used by 16 per cent of students this year. At the University of Technology, Sydney, peer mentors personally phone new students several times during their first semester to discuss their adjustment. This impressed Rhys, a UTS student, “I felt the support was there if I needed it.” UTS Student Counsellor David Taplin says students still seemed unaware of additional services, like the academic workshops conducted in the library. “They don’t look beyond borrowing books!” Similarly, a National Union of Student’s Survey found that 67 per cent of students who quit their studies at the Queensland University of Technology did so without meeting with any staff.

Another significant concern cited by students is selecting the ‘wrong’ degree. Students select courses based on parental pressure, future career prospects, success in the subject during school, or feeling the need to ‘use’ their ATAR and basing course choices on the cut-off score rather than their interests. For some, this results in years of degree hopping without direction. For others, the course-hop might be a system of ‘trading up’ as they seek entry to a desired course requiring a higher ATAR than they received.

While ATAR scores are one indicator of future success at university, they alone cannot be used to predict the ease of the transition. “People often underestimate the difficulty of that move,” says a UNSW counsellor. “Some students go through their whole schooling with the same cohort and teachers, in the same location. They have a whole community, structured activities, teachers reminding them when things are due, and often parents nudging them along the way. Students frequently tell me that once they reached university they realised that when they don’t hand things in or attend lectures ‘no one cares’, so there is a sense they are very alone.”

Alex, a Macquarie University student, found out first-hand how much a lack of interest impedes one’s studies. He studied Commerce because he enjoyed Economics during high school and after dropping out during first-year, he returned to the same degree a year later. “I tried again because I thought I’d just been lazy. I went to lectures for a little while, but I really just didn’t care about what I was learning.” He is now enrolled in a personal training course at TAFE and cites the close-knit community as a major drawcard. “It’s much more personal and structured. You have small classes rather than lectures with

woRlD FAmoUS DRoPoUTSRoGeR FeDeReR When it came to winning a record 17 Grand Slam titles, Federer certainly wasn’t contemplating courses, credits and majors. The budding tennis player left school at aged sixteen to focus on his burgeoning career – his dedication and perseverance weren’t learned in a lecture theatre.

cHARleS DicKenS After ending his education during elementary school, it’s unlikely many had great expectations for this man. Bestselling novelist, and enshrined in the orange covers of those famous Penguin Classics, this man’s achievements and colourful fictional characters have stood the test of time.

STeve JoBS Next time you’re using that Sydney University iPhone App to locate the elusive Bosch Lecture Theatre, remember that this technological windfall is thanks to a man who never earned a university degree. Apple co-founder and billionaire Steve Jobs left uni after six months, proving readers and lecture halls aren’t a prerequisite for reaching one’s vision.

If you need assistance with your studies or are struggling at university, visit the counselling service in the Jane Foss Russell Building, next to the Wentworth building.

200 people. I only made a few friends at Macquarie, but at TAFE I already know my whole class.”

For many students like Alex, campus connection and involvement are what make the university experience memorable, or at least bearable. Could the answer to university happiness and success be living on campus? We may joke that the typical college-dwelling kid is the one who turns up late to their afternoon tute, wearing trackies, Uggboots and wafting a strong scent of goon. Stereotypes aside, the statistics on Australian universities show that the retention rates and levels of academic achievement are higher for those students living on campus, rather than their commuting peers. One student of Sydney University’s St Paul’s College says he would have left university in first semester if it weren’t for the fact that he lives on campus,

“the people and social life kept me at uni.” The grade requirements of the college ensured he continued to meet certain academic standards.

Ultimately, university may not be the solution for everyone. Numerous students find they are better suited to more practical courses, like those offered by TAFE, while others find that time away from university helps them to discover their true interests. Former University of Sydney science scholar, Bella, gained direction after deferring for a year. “I plan on re-enrolling at Sydney University next year to study business and feel better knowing I have more direction after graduation.”

If you’re not rushing off to buy a Sydney Uni sweatshirt, run for student politics or even attend your lectures, don’t rashly sign that deferral or withdrawal form. Try consulting a counsellor, or becoming more involved. Join a club or simply linger at Manning where you’re sure to be coaxed into conversation. If, after a reasonable adjustment period, you discover your course is not the right fit, explore your options, seek assistance and you will likely find a path that suits you.

12 bull USUonline.com Feature

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THE ORIGINAL AND STILL THE BEST

neroli austin coMes in to bat.

bull USUonline.com Feature

14

Gone are the days of “one true love” and “made for each other.” In their place are tales of ordinary people who enjoy the benefit of being universally desirable. For several reasons, monogamy has lost its appeal to many of us. Some do not have the time or inclination to pursue a ‘serious’ relationship, others struggle to find one person they are happy to settle down with so choose to ‘shop around’.

Whether this is a product of our insecurities – if only one person loves you, they could be crazy, but if multiple people love you, then you must be worth it – it certainly reveals that we are perhaps less offended by polyamory than the emphasis of monogamy in western cultural tradition would have us believe.

The appeal of being loved by many seems obvious, but why you would want to be on the other side, competing for another’s affections, is less clear. However, like contestants on Blind Date, some delight in the competition for another person’s love. This can make the significance of the person choosing you much more real, as you

From the on-screen love triangles of Sookie-Bill-Eric in True Blood and

Maggie-Don-Jim in The Newsroom, to the pages of Tales of King Arthur where Guinevere is straddled between Arthur and Lancelot, there seems to be enough examples which suggest that we are all beguiled by the idea of being loved by, and loving multiple people.

dating MultiPlE PEoPlE has thE adVantagE oF allowing you to try diFFErEnt things,

bE it Making out in thE lawbry, Moshing in thE Pit, or snuggling on thE CouCh.

issue 07 Feature

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have been directly compared to other people and ‘won’. But relationships built on the chase seem to inevitably fizzle out once the thrill is over and someone becomes too attached.

Being in a polyamorous relationship can also be empowering. Unlike in monogamous relationships, you are not defined as one half of a couple so your identity as an individual is preserved. Some polyamorists even argue that having non-exclusive relationships eliminates insecurities as it assures you that your partner is with you because they want to be, not out of a sense of obligation.

One of the advantages of seeing multiple people at the same time is that each may enhance a different part of your life and bring out different sides of your personality. Given the diverse interests people pursue, it is often difficult to find someone that can appreciate everything you enjoy. Dating multiple people has the advantage of allowing you to try different things, be it making out in the lawbry, moshing in the pit, or snuggling on the couch. This

schizophrenic dating style can also free you up to explore different sides of your personality. It can be enormously appealing to be intense and introspective with one boyfriend, while being fun and frivolous with another, just ask K-Stew.

Such relationships can also help you to understand what you are looking for when you finally settle down with one person. By exploring how different people can bring out your different sides, you can better know what you like (or dislike) in another person.

Although it may seem desirable to explore your different sides, there is a sinister element. Having multiple partners allows you to combine elements of each person without having to compromise, setting an unreasonable standard of perfection for future partners. This may make you less likely to ever be satisfied with one person.

Sometimes, the reluctance to be monogamous is circumstantial. Uncertainty as to future plans makes many of us reluctant to commit to a permanent monogamous

THe FoUR STAGeS oF DATinGDATinG (0-3 monTHS) So you’ve met someone that actually wants to be alone in dark places with you. This is good news. Now the key to success in this stage is mastering the art of asking questions you already know the answer to. Chances are a combination of mutual friends and stalking has supplied you with the other person’s entire life history, but you should at least act surprised occasionally. That, and try a little, not too hard, but everyone wants to feel they’re worth some effort.

SeeinG eAcH oTHeR (3-6 monTHS) So you’ve been hanging out and dig each other. Good. Now is the time to start asking the sort of questions a Google search cannot. But who are you really as a person? The key here is to keep calm. You’re still only seeing each other. There is nothing that will destroy a relationship faster than an ill-timed overly emotional blog post. Trust me, I know.

GoinG oUT (6-12 monTHS)This is an awkward stage. By now you’ve ascertained that you really like each other. You may even be falling in love. But to the outside world that is still reeling from the R-Patz/K-Stew break-up, you really haven’t been together that long. So you awkwardly say you’re ‘going out’ with X but never introduce X as a boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t worry. It is as awkward for everyone you meet as well.

BoYFRienD/GiRlFRienDCongratulations! You’ve finally decided to come out as a couple! Now you can start answering the important questions: do we become a couple on Facebook or do we just agree to subtly remove our relationship statuses? Is making out in the middle of Taste too obvious? Should we get matching trucker caps? However you choose to approach these issues, the important thing is that you can now enjoy explaining where your other half is whenever he/she is not stapled to your side. Good luck with that.

16 bull USUonline.com Feature

relationship. Matt, a TAFE student from England, has been reluctant to settle into a ‘serious’ relationship, preferring to date multiple women as it doesn’t require the same sort of emotional commitment. However, this approach can have unfortunate consequences if you’re looking for true love. When Matt split from his long-term girlfriend, he found that he dated various women looking for the same connection as he had with his previous girlfriend – but with little success. “It’s a difficult thing to balance. Those looking for monogamous relationships generally don’t want you dating around for the first six months you’re together, but that’s how long it takes to figure out if they’re the right person. It’s about balancing your desire to give a relationship a chance with the practicality of not wasting time in a monogamous relationship when you could be looking,” says Matt.

The thought of asking someone to change their relationship status online, let alone ‘go steady’ seems an unnecessary step for many of us. However, this can make it difficult to pin down the expectations of the other person. Kate, a Sydney Uni student, recalls how after seeing a guy regularly for four months he asked her to be his girlfriend. “I was really surprised because we had been seeing each other for a while and I thought we were already there. I certainly wasn’t seeing other people while I was with him – but I guess that would explain all his trips away for

thosE looking For

MonogaMous rElationshiPs

gEnErally don’t want you dating around For thE First six Months you’rE togEthEr, but that’s how long it takEs to FigurE out

iF thEy’rE thE right PErson.

the weekend!”For Kate, this spelled the end of the

relationship. “It was hard to blame him for what was obviously a misunderstanding. But at the same time, I thought we had ‘something’, and the realisation that he hadn’t valued it in the same way was pretty impossible to get over…I suppose my assumption or his philandering did end something that could’ve been great.”

The level of honesty in polyamorous relationships can also help eliminate jealousy. You will never have to worry about the incessant text messages from his ‘best friend’ Chloe, because he would tell you if he had met someone else - or so the argument goes. However, to have an honest relationship and one free of jealousy are two very different things.

As it seems almost certain for people to have favourites, when there is a misalignment of feelings between the parties (be they monogamous or otherwise) there will inevitably be heartache. “They haven’t eliminated the problem of jealousy,” says Andrew Samuels, Professor of Analytical Psychology at the University of Essex. “There are of course still difficulties within polyamorous relationships...but they are dealing with it rather than denying it.”

There’s a plethora of reasons for choosing alternatives to monogamous relationships. Some of us choose the freedom of casual sex

whilst others prefer to date multiple people simultaneously, either with a view of finding a long-term monogamous relationship, or to add spice to the chase.

For many of us, polyamorous relationships are beneficial. They provide the flexibility to better understand what you want in that ‘special someone’ for when you’re finally ready to settle down. However, some argue that the polyamorous approach can lead to the creation of unrealistic expectations in a single partner. Regardless of which way you want to play it, make the rules clear to avoid hurt feelings.

17issue 07 interview

Tell US A BiT ABoUT YoURSelF.To be honest, there’s nothing very mysterious about me. I’m a fourth year Arts (Media and Communications) student. While my studies at Sydney University have been very engaging and worthwhile, the extracurricular aspect of uni life is what has kept me motivated, particularly in the second half of my degree. I have been active in SUDS and MUSE, and continue to perform weekly in Manning Theatresports® and Project 52 shows at Hermann’s.

wHAT mAKeS GooD THeATReSPoRTS®?Listening. Or more broadly, being attentive to the people you’re playing with, and the rules of the scene you’ve been asked to perform. It sounds simple enough, but it can be incredibly difficult. After all, with such strict time limits on scenes (one, two and three minute games), the pressure is on to produce some funnies. It can be easy to use Theatresports as

a forum for getting cheap laughs, irrespective of what’s going on around you on stage. The most impressive, and therefore funny, improv scenes are the ones where everybody on stage gets invested in a character, puts those characters inside a story, and that story makes sense – with a beginning, a middle and an end.

If that fails, just swear a lot or alienate a minority group.

How Do YoU Feel ABoUT YoUR newFoUnD FAme?I wouldn’t call it fame! The scale of the app ad was quite larger than I, or anyone involved in the shoot, originally expected, so it was a bit of a shock to see the billboard up on Eastern Avenue at first. Being such a colourful and, let’s be honest, slightly confusing character, the app guy has had both positive and negative responses. At first I was a little bit apprehensive about some of the negative feedback the ad was getting from people online, but I very quickly got over that and now just have a laugh. The app guy is a meme – even if I’m the butt of the joke, I still think that’s pretty awesome and hilarious.

How DiD YoU lAnD THe GiG?I was recruited by Liz Elston, who was working with Sydney Uni’s IT Department in developing the app. It was a bit of an inside job, actually. Liz is good friends with my older sister, and was aware that I’m involved with Theatresports, so got in contact with me through that link. I believe the ads were originally going to be on a bit of a smaller scale, but the “app guy” ended up being so ridiculous that he became the centre of the campaign. And I mean ridiculous in a good way – the character is definitely attention-grabbing.

in THe AD, wHAT ARe YoU looKinG AT THAT’S mAKinG YoU GRin So FeveRiSHlY? oR, DoeS THe APP JUST mAKe YoU GiDDilY HAPPY?Wouldn’t you like to know...

YeS, i woUlD...I like to think of it as a bit of a postmodern statement on the human gaze. But really, the character I’m playing is a bit of a weirdo, as well as being highly

interviewrob Johnsonwho is the Man behind the silk cravat and pink cardigan? Xiaoran shi rubs shoulders with the inFaMous “sydney uni app guy”.

enthusiastic, so it was a delicate blend of those two. I call it “the enthusiastic weirdo.” Obviously, the marketing team liked that shot and chose to use it for the billboard!

wHAT inSPiReD YoUR SARToRiAl cHoiceS in THe AD?I would love to take the credit for my dashing outfit, but unfortunately the cardigan, cravat and fedora were provided to me. I think they actually came from the personal wardrobe of Liz Elston, so keep an eye out for her around campus. DiD YoUR involvemenT in THe APP cHAnGe THe wAY YoU THinK ABoUT AcceSSoRieS FoReveR?You would think so, but I’ve remained surprisingly uninspired by my sleek get-up in the ads. Maybe I’m just not ready for the kind of radical ideas the app guy embodies. He’s a crusader, but I’m just some guy. We’ve kind of got a Bruce Wayne/Batman thing going on.

in THe ADS, YoU PlAY “THAT” PeRPeTUAllY clUeleSS “GUY”. HAve YoU eveR Been “THAT GUY” in ReAl liFe?I’m fairly confident I’ve always been a guy, and I’ve just as frequently been this guy. One time I even went inside a Toni & Guy. But that guy? You’d probably have to ask my parents.

wHo’S THe FUnnieST HUmAn BeinG, AnD wHY?I couldn’t even begin to answer this. I find so many people to be hilarious, even if they’re not even trying! However, I’d have to say my fellow Theatresports® team members are among the funnier people I know. It may just be because I’m around them a lot, but we all understand each other’s sense of humour, which is great. In terms of the whole world, I know it’s a cliché, but Ricky Gervais never fails to tickle my funny bone. A man who can be such a dick but still be so funny and lovable has got a very good head on his shoulders. Also, John C. Reilly’s Dr Steve Brule. That character is genius. wHAT’S THe nexT THinG YoU’D liKe To enDoRSe?Preferably some kind of high-profile product backed by very wealthy investors. I’m open to all offers.

“Being such a colourful and, let’s be honest, slightly

confusing character, the app guy has had

both positive and negative responses..”

18 bull USUonline.com Feature

pop up store!

Flora grant keeps popping up everywhere.

When Surry Hills’ vintage mecca Dear Pluto was forced to close its doors in July this year, owner Emma Daniels feared for the future of her business. However, rather than admit defeat, Daniels used social

media to market a one-off, weekend boutique event in a Redfern studio with a smaller, more refined collection. The pop-up was so successful that Daniels is

already planning another event in the coming months.

19

Inside hundreds of empty spaces around Sydney, people are setting up shops, galleries and even restaurants. They’re not squatters, just part of the growing ‘pop-up’ movement encouraging short-term leases of unlikely vacant spaces.

Pop-up ventures can last anywhere from one day to a few months. They capture the excitement around a shop opening for the first time, and shut before that buzz disappears. Limited edition and short-time-only products reel customers in like trendy fish with a more exclusive alternative to traditional large-run retail.

The idea is not new in Australia, harking back to post-World War 2 artists who used inner-Sydney’s disused factory spaces as studios – not always with the landlord’s knowledge and permission. Pop-up retail in its current form has been around for a while in America and the UK, and has been on the Sydney retail scene since Ksubi opened one in 2008. The original concept began in Japan, and is rooted in Japanese consumer culture’s devotion to exclusive, limited edition products. Initially, at a moment’s notice, customers would arrive at a particular location that housed a particular brand or product. Once the products were sold out, usually within a few hours, the store would be closed until the owner received more stock and was able to reopen.

The current retail environment is challenging, with harder economic times, ailing high streets and town centres, and fundamental changes taking place in retail through online commerce. Vacancy rates on Oxford Street have risen from 7.5 per cent in June 2011 to 22.3 per cent in June 2012. This means a lot more empty shops and a lot more landlords searching for a source of income, however temporary.

Retailers are discovering that pop-ups are a good way to maintain customer loyalty as well as provide new and innovative experiences, without the financial burden of a permanent shop. Furthermore, online retailers are using pop-ups as a way to differentiate themselves, allowing potential customers to see, feel and touch their products.

The Minimalist is an online designer homewares and jewellery retailer, which opened its first pop-up shop at Gaffa Gallery

issue 07 Feature

on Clarence Street in July this year. Founder Leah Robins says that improving communication with customers was a key motivation in setting up the store. “We wanted to give more of our customers the opportunity to interact with our products,” says Robins. “It also gives us an opportunity to get direct verbal feedback from our customers, and strengthen relationships with each customer on a more personal level.”

At only $330 per week, a space at Gaffa Gallery has proved a thrifty way to enter the market. Retail analyst Michael Baker thinks that the flexibility and creativity of retail pop-ups are more about marketing than about selling.

“They’re a great market testing device,” he says. “If your product doesn’t work out, you haven’t made a huge real estate investment.”

While pop-up has been a resounding success for The Minimalist, with sales and visitor numbers well above targets, it is the potential for longer-term benefits that is most important for the online store. “A potential customer you meet today may not make a purchase today but may purchase online many times in the future or recommend friends,” says Robins.

Alongside the rise of retail pop-ups, expensive studio rents and an increasingly tight art market has also seen a rise in the number of artistic pop-up projects. Lisa Andersen manages the Empty Spaces Project, a collaboration between Arts NSW and the University of Technology, Sydney, to promote short-term reuses of empty spaces for creative, rather than commercial purposes.

“Empty space projects usually start with the arts,” Anderson explains, “because that’s the ‘cool’, colourful and acceptable – as in, not-very-threatening-to-commercial-interests – activity.” Pop-up galleries have been particularly popular with emerging artists who cannot afford a studio space, let alone in the inner city, and do not

yet have the profile to attract the attention of

larger commercial galleries.

Landlords like pop-ups because

they provide income, albeit temporarily, from an

otherwise empty space. Anderson says that support from planning groups

is essential to keep pop-up spaces available and accessible. “Empty space initiatives are least successful when local authorities are indifferent and planning departments don’t enable local activity,” she says. Local councils including The Rocks and North Sydney actively support a pop-up program, making it easier for artists and retailers to break through the red tape.

The Rocks Pop-up is a strictly non-commercial venture for artists and other creatives to produce and exhibit their works. The project aims to inject some creativity into the otherwise touristy area. All spaces currently under redevelopment or on the market for expressions of interest from longer-term tenants are being activated by artists in the interim. North Sydney Council has just begun its pop-up program, but it is unlikely to continue without resident facilitation due to a lack of resources.

Big-name restaurants are also embracing the concept in an attempt to expand their market. In July this year, award-winning Otto Ristorante opened The Larder, a three-month pop-up restaurant in an unused room on premises at Woolloomooloo. The fine dining restaurant will continue to operate alongside the pop-up, where meal prices are capped at $25. Owner John Fink makes use of an empty room, attracting new clientele and making a profit during the low winter season.

Similarly, Network Ten ran a MasterChef pop-up restaurant in the Sydney CBD, and US fast food chain In-N-Out Burger popped up in Kings Cross in January, aiming to test the Australian market. The burgers sold out in under an hour, while the MasterChef pop-up was fully

VaCanCy ratEs on oxFord strEEt

haVE risEn FroM 7.5 PEr CEnt in junE 2011

to 22.3 PEr CEnt in junE 2012. this MEans a lot MorE EMPty shoPs and a lot MorE landlords

sEarChing For a sourCE oF inCoME, howEVEr

tEMPorary.

bull USUonline.com Feature

20

booked before it even opened.

What is it about Sydneysiders love for pop-ups? Michael Baker has watched as the number of pop-ups has risen over the past five years, while mainstream retail has stagnated. One of the major problems with shopping, he says, is that we are bored because we know what we are going to get. “There’s a sameness,” says Baker. “Every time you walk down Pitt Street Mall, you see the same brands. Pop-up shops provide freshness to shopping.”

Gaffa Gallery hosts a revolving door of retailers, aiming to allow diversity of access for entry-level retailers and to maintain freshness. Amy Robson manages the Gaffa’s pop-up program, and has seen many pop-up galleries come and go. She believes that they push long-term retailers to lift their game. “Since a pop-up space is, almost by definition, only for a short period of time, there’s a lot of energy and buzz around it,” she says. In her opinion, pop-ups tend to offer better customer service and allow customers to experience moments of ‘discovery’, increasingly lacking in traditional retail as shop assistants and owners lose inspiration. “People like owning things that are seen as exclusive or limited,” she suggests.

“It’s a more exciting way to shop.” There is a risk, however, that the

‘underground’ nature of pop-ups could be

ruined as they become more and more mainstream. An example of this is the One Direction pop-up store,

‘1D World’, that accompanied

their band’s recent visit to Australia,

selling merchandise, CDs and

even a reasonably priced $200 set of One Direction dolls.

A growing number of established retail companies have seen the success that smaller businesses have had with pop-ups, and have jumped on the bandwagon to shake up their business. Samsung popped-up in Pitt Street to launch the most recent Galaxy, and Nike popped up for four days in August in a vacant Oxford Street store, cashing in on Olympic fever.

Pop-up’s guerrilla roots have great marketing appeal and allow companies to react quickly to trends. It’s conceivable that permanent retail may even give way to an ever-changing array of pop-up shops, as consumers look for products that will make them stand out.

As the hip pocket tightens, we may see more businesses choosing to pop-up. “Like almost anything, if enough people start doing it, it loses its lustre,” says Baker. “Pop-up is here to stay and everyone’s going to be doing it.”

How ironic.

ToP SYDneY PoP-UPS To wATcH (BUT Be qUicK, THeY won’T lAST lonG)

PinG PonG AT GAFFA GAlleRY 281 Clarence Street, Sydney Play ping-pong on your lunchbreak.

THe lARDeR AT oTTo RiSToRAnTe 5/ 6 Cowper Wharf Rd, Woolloomooloo Food from one of Sydney’s best chefs for under $25.

THe RocKS PoP-UP Around The Rocks, Sydney Artistic ventures in the historical quarter.

UnDeR new mAnAGemenT Oxford Street, Darlinghurst Plans for this pop-up space aren’t advertised far in advance, but so far it’s hosted a makeshift national park, and a Tour de France viewing lounge. Watch this space.

wilBUR’S PlAce PoPS UP AT BoURKe STReeT BAKeRY mARRicKville 2 Mitchell Street, Marrickville The team from Kings Cross hotspot Wilbur’s Place will take over Bourke Street Bakery’s kitchen in Marrickville every Sunday night in October.

“EMPty sPaCE ProjECts usually

start with thE arts bECausE that’s thE

‘Cool’, ColourFul and aCCEPtablE – as in, not-

VEry-thrEatEning-to-CoMMErCial-intErEsts

– aCtiVity.”

21

eleanor gordon-sMith eXplores the dark side oF the Moon landing.

issue 07 Feature

21

Neil Alden Armstrong, the first man to walk on the surface of the moon, died last month. Romney

paid tribute to Armstrong in his RNC speech in Tampa in what may be the best example of limping Mittspeak to date: “The soles of Neil Armstrong on the moon made an impression on all our souls.”

Clanging metaphors aside, there can be no doubt that Armstrong’s first steps onto the surface of the moon marked a turning point in history. For the millions of Americans who turned on their televisions at 4:17pm, it was a re-invigoration of the Kennedy government in a time of war and uncertainty. For Australian engineers on the other side of the world in Parkes, it was a chance to create a global reputation for scientific excellence. For children in schoolrooms across the world, it would form the basis of dozens of lectures on the power of endeavour and the capacity of man.

But for a tiny few, the moment the telecast of Neil Armstrong took over networks in the US was the moment they lost faith in their government. For six per cent of the United States population, the moon landing is not a symbol of hope, opportunity or ingenuity. It is the largest and most carefully orchestrated conspiracy in living memory.

The popularly accepted narrative surrounding the moon landing is this: On 12 September 1962, speaking at Rice University, President John F Kennedy announced his government’s intention to put a man on the moon. “We choose to go to the moon, and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.” Unfortunately for posterity, it was this sentence, weighed down by the record-scratch phrase “and the other things” that went down in history as the moment JFK committed to the moon mission, and not his 1961 remarks to congress promising that

“before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth.” NASA, unfazed by the inelegance of their mission statement, set about the Apollo program. On 16 July 1969, Saturn V launched Apollo 11 from Launch Pad 39A at the Kennedy Space Centre and four days later Neil

Armstrong walked on the surface of the moon and Buzz Aldrin refused to take his picture.

Almost immediately though, doubt appeared. Conspiracy theories are not new. They break through any popular narrative like pavement weeds, fertilised by a climate of fear and a mistrust of government. Against a backdrop of the Cold War and the blow Watergate had dealt to faith in the state, Apollo 11 barely stood a chance.

Conspiracy theorists are rarely united. The most recent crop, 9/11 truthers, have at least twelve different strains whose contempt for the Bush administration is tempered only by their hatred of each other. The 1970s anarchists and ex-scientists each claiming to be the sole proprietor of the truth were no more united. Three broad schools of thought emerged, each turning on the motivations for the deception.

The first and most popular argued that

NASA had knowingly participated in a scheme by the United States Government to stage a moon landing, win the Space Race, and move one step closer to checkmate in the Cold War. The Space Race has been a critical contest between Soviet Russia and the US. The narratives of opportunity and success were PR platinum, a chance for both governments to reinvigorate their populations’ commitment to their Government. A literal race between capitalism and communism was not something the US could stand to lose, and after the Soviet launch of Sputnik 1, the Nixon government – supposedly – may have decided that a gamble on this scale made substantially less sense than a staged moon landing, which would be a cost-effective way to guarantee results.

This theory makes so much sense that when Buzz Aldrin punched one of its chief proponents in the face, the Los Angeles Country District Attorney refused to lay charges.

Bart Sibrel was that unfortunate chief proponent, director of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Moon. Sibrel claims that Apollo 11, along with Apollos 12 through 17, were staged by the United States Government. For all six moon landings to have been faked and for Sibrel’s claims to therefore be true, the moon landings would have to be not only the largest but the most successfully kept secret in western political history. Apollo 11 alone involved the 400,000 man strong team responsible for the Apollo launch project, 120,000 employees of the Kennedy Space Station, 12 men who went on the mission, six pilots, and nine men who stayed in orbit. Watergate involved just 43 people and the story stayed together for three days. Bart Sibrel was subsequently arrested for jumping on the hood of a car after a parking fine, but a truth like this can be overwhelming.

For all six Moon landings

to haVE bEEn FakEd and For sibrEl’s ClaiMs to

thErEForE bE truE, thE Moon landings would haVE to bE not only thE largEst but thE Most suCCEssFully kEPt sECrEt in wEstErn

PolitiCal history.

iMagE CourtEsy oF MoonPans.CoM

bull USUonline.com Feature

22

Far more interesting than Bart Sibrel is Bill Kaysing. Kaysing was an employee of Rocketdyne, the company responsible for building the F-3 engines used on the Saturn V. Kaysing has also argued that the CIA, the Federal Reserve and the IRS are involved in a plan to poison the food supply of the American public. Kaysing’s personal credibility has been given a thorough and public hiding in numerous documentaries, but his claims form the basis of a number of moon-landing-hoax theories.

Much of his analysis rides on anomalies in the photos brought back to Earth by the astronauts. His biggest claim is that there are “no stars” in the photos, and that the astronauts declared in interviews that they did not remember seeing stars. This is probably the argument in moon-landing-conspiracy-theories that is least reliant on scientific knowledge. It’s easy to see how Kaysing’s argument runs. In space, there are stars. In these photos, there are no stars. Therefore, these photos are not in space. It is not, in every sense of the phrase, rocket science.

It is, though, easily debunked with lunar science. The moon is not by all technical definitions a planet, but for the purposes of this explanation it functions as one. It’s a spherical lump of rock that rotates both around an axis and around a light source. It has, therefore, a day and a night, with mornings and evenings. There is an appropriate time for brunch on the moon.

The moon landing took place during lunar daytime, such that stars in photographs and particularly to the astronaut’s eyes would have been neutered by the far brighter light source of the sun. It’s the same reason stars aren’t visible in the daytime on earth.

A second school of thought says that the motivation was not to win the space race and the

conspiracy was not as far-reaching as Kaysing or Sibring would suggest. Rather, the moon landing was a studio-created fake that NASA alone conceived and executed, in order to avoid losing federal funding for its poor performance in the space race. Champions of this theory focus on photographic anomalies and evidence – in the Creationist’s use of that word – that the photographs do not demonstrate the atmospheric conditions of the moon.

One such oft-repeated piece of ‘evidence’ is the flag on the surface of the moon. Still images of the flag show ripples reasonably similar to a still-frame of a piece of fabric fluttering in a breeze. In space, there is no breeze. Space is a vacuum. The flag mystery has long since been debunked, by NASA scientists at the time and by amateur scientists and even TV’s Mythbusters team. The explanation is almost as simple as the stars explanation. The flag needed to be photogenic. This was a propaganda triumph for the United States Government and a postcard of a man standing next to a limp piece of fabric on which the stars and stripes are barely visible is not the kind of bald-eagle-swooping freedom-tootin’ Americana that Nixon would have been after. The flag was mounted on an L-shaped frame to hold it proud and straight. Because (and not in spite of) the fact that space is a vacuum, any movement of that frame would continue for longer than usual, because there was no air drag to slow it down. That meant that when the astronauts planted the flag for the first time, the swinging of the frame continued in a pendulum-like fashion throughout several photographs. Ripples in the fabric, yes. A breeze, unlikely.

Hardcore proponents of this theory have to defend the idea that somewhere there was a studio filled with Harvard-educated astrophysicists pretending to be on the surface

of the moon. Many studio-theorists go one step further. They say Stanley Kubrick – who was at the time fresh off the set of 2001: A Space Odyssey and had used effects to some success in Dr. Strangelove – directed and produced the moon landing. His studio left fingerprints on the photographs of the moon landing. The shadows of the astronauts and the shadows of surface rocks point in different directions. Conspiracy theorists conclude that multiple artificial light sources, say, studio spotlights, must have been illuminating the objects. Aldrin himself deftly dispelled of this theory in 1989. These people are correct in their assessment that there were multiple light sources surrounding the objects in the photos. But they were just as conceivably the sun and the sun’s light reflected off the earth. Dips and twists in the terrain may also explain a number of bent shadows.

Perhaps the most obvious question to studio-theorists is this. If the United States government, with the assistance of a director, Kubrick or otherwise, was successfully able to dupe the entire scientific community and American populace with a studio and some cameras into believing that the moon landing had taken place, why say they’d been brought home? Why not establish a permanent fictitious US presence on the moon to deter the Russians, or go one step further and take them to Mars? Or the sun?

It’s been forty years since the first moon landing took place. Conspiracy theorists abound and their theories grow stronger and gather followers over time in a snowball of neuroses and misinformation.

They’re already saying Neil Armstrong isn’t dead.

23Issue 07 feature

23

24 bull USUonline.com.AU caMpus chatter

To THe SYDneY Uni APP GUY,Were they your own

clothes or did they make you wear that?

Mightily confused(turn to page 17

to find out)

caMpus chatter

i’M not a stalker, but...

To All THe PSeUDo-HiPSTeRS wHo FliRT viA cAmPUS cHATTeR,Shut the fuck up. You're not underground; you're just boring.Belle

To Belle,Fair play, the last issue was a bit intense. Although, that is kind of the point of these pages. Is that irony? I can’t tell.Pseudo-hipsters

To ‘STRiDeR’ (BUll, iSSUe 05 2012),I recommend you try a slow jog next time. Catch up.Fast-paced Redhead

To THe GUY wHo PlAYeD TiGGeR in ARTS RevUe,I’d like to get bouncing with you.Paris

To mY miDSemeSTeR exAm,Let’s never speak of this again.Bootsy

To THe STARKS,Summer is coming now. Suck it.lower Westeros

To THe TAll, newiSH, GoRGeoUS GUY AT TASTe,Could you be any more deliciously inner-westie?Everyone

To eveRYone wHo HAS eveR woRKeD AT AZZURi'S,You so pretty.Also everyone

To THe BRUneTTe wiTH THe mASSive GReen eYeS in mY GeoPoliTicS TUToRiAl,I can’t contain myself. I’d love to invade your heartland.Shallow Hal

To cURioSiTY,Please don’t conclusively answer my question. I’ll be ruined.Bowie

hey you! soMeone you want to woo and/or passively-aggressively coMplain about? send us your stalker Messages: usubullMag@gMail.coM

katErina halkEasARTS/ScienceTo be perfectly honest I probably wouldn’t vote for people unless I knew them. I don’t really get into student politics that much, but I will when there are people I know really well and I know they’re doing good things.

PEtEr hoEkstra-bassARTSI think it’s an important means of expression for students. It gives people who might be interested in pursuing a political career later on in life the ability to form networks and get experience, and for other people to get involved in a type of experience that generally they wouldn’t be able to.

rosiE ConnollyARTS/lAwI think it’s relevant for people who care, but for everyone else it’s just really fucking annoying.

question what do you think oF student elections?

voX pops

25issue 07 caMpus chatter

disputed: First Meeting

cheek-kiss

lockinghorns

ForMiki higgins

goes in every tiMe.

True story: a few weeks ago I met my friend’s boyfriend. I went in for the fistbump, he saw me extending my hand and thus went in for

a handshake, and I pretty much just punched this poor guy in the fingers. In my defence, he

looked like a fistbump kind of guy.

Solution: go for the cheek-kiss every time. The cheek-kiss is unambiguous. Unless you are

often swarmed by strangers trying to full-on make out with you, there’s only one thing they

could possibly be doing. A cheek-kiss is friendly, but not too formal, unlike a handshake. A cheek-

kiss can develop into a friendly hug if you’re in a hugging mood. In our society where everyone

cheek-kisses their friends to say hi, you won’t have to encounter the awkward transitioning

period from being acquaintances to being friends if you start with a cheek-kiss and go

for that every time.

Seriously. This should be a thing.

againsthey, giulia russo Just Met you, and this is craZy...but get away FroM her Face.

True story: one fateful day in high school, our school captain passed me in the corridor. She went in for what I thought was an embrace but, I realised too late, was in fact a cheek-kiss. I bumped up against her awkwardly and kissed her bouncing ponytail as she flounced off to cheek-kiss another unsuspecting acne-ridden teenager and thereby exacerbate their severe self-esteem issues.

Solution: never cheek-kiss unless you are already friends. The first cheek-kiss between yourself and another should indicate to them that you are prepared to make the leap from ‘acquaintance’ to ‘friend’. If they reciprocate, the deal is sealed. Once you are friends, any awkward ‘oops we both went left’ or ‘oops you’re into that European ambiguous number of cheek-kiss repetitions’ can be forgiven. It’s a great feeling.

So, next time you’re introduced to a stranger, do both of you a favour – lean back and smile politely.

caitee caMpbell lines up tiMeline haters For a Zuckerpunch.

Facebook Timeline. Yes, yes, let’s all get past the initial tantrum about how we all hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. You don’t really hate it; you hate change. Just like you hated all the previous changes made to the aesthetics of Facebook. As it marches on to become a permanent fixture (despite what all the viral, bogus app requests might suggest), it seems as though half the cyber-verse feels the need to tell me just how opposed they are to the adjustment. But I’m over it.

Timeline is set out in the same format that your high school teachers used to make you draw in junior history to help you better understand when specific events occurred in the relative history of Medieval England; that is, a line down the middle of the page, and events placed in chronological order, alternating either side of

the line and the date on which they occurred. By which I mean, it makes sense. So what exactly is everyone’s problem with the adjustment? Randomly chosen Facebookers have determined that “it’s too cluttered,” “I just don’t like it,” and my personal favourite – “it’s just…shit”. But the new design has many perks that most people have yet to realise. For one, you can individualise your profile by changing your cover photo to yet another from your catalogue of shameless selfies, or to the traditional sunset-over-the-beach shot to let everyone know how you are a budding ‘photographer’. Another cool new feature allows you to add ‘major’ life events to your profile, such as when you were born, the day you finally got your nose pierced, when you started working at McDonald’s, or when you graduated from primary and high school. Which I guess is awesome or creepy, depending on how you want to look at it.

Most importantly, Facebook Timeline is now a one-stop shop for all your stalking needs. Remember the pesky old profile design where to find something you were sure you saw last week on your ex’s page, or you suddenly realise one of your friends is in a relationship that you didn’t know about, you had to scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, click show more, then repeat until you reach the desired date in question? That used to take time, effort and commitment! With the new profile, you need simply choose the year, and then the month, and then bam! there is the post you’ve been searching for.

Timeline brings any friend’s (and, if you’re feeling lucky, any stranger’s) entire Facebooking history to your fingertips. And you’d better get used to it, because it’s here to stay, at least until Zucks decides to change it again.

got beeF with soMething? spill your guts in 400 words or less to usubullMag@

gMail.coM

please, have a cow

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1HERSA1 A001

NEWS, PAGE 7

2011 a year in weather OVERSEAS INVASIONForeign-made car tops sales NEWS, PAGE 3Ft

When children’s shows become

naughty

summerWednesday January 4, 2012 First published 1831 No. 54,366 $1.50 (inc GST)

ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631032

SYDNEY CITY shower or two 20°-32°LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-39°PENRITH shower or two 18°-39°WOLLONGONG storms, showers 20°-32°GOSFORD shower or two 16°-34°NEWCASTLE shower or two 20°-31°CANBERRA shower or two 18°-34°ARMIDALE shower or two 12°-29°DUBBO partly cloudy 19°-37°COFFS HARBOUR mostly sunny 18°-29°DETAILS PAGE 16

GillardrebukesHawkeon unionsJessicaWright

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

‘Our great tradeunion movement isimportant toAustralian societyand to representingthe needs of workingpeople.’ Julia Gillard

THE Prime Minister has dis-missed a call by the Labor elderBob Hawke to slash the power ofunions within the ALP.

Julia Gillard defended the fac-tional and union influences thatwere responsible for the des-truction of Kevin Rudd’s leader-ship in 2010.

Mr Hawke, a former primeminister and boss of the ACTU,said in an interview with theFairfax publication The Australi-an Financial Review that whilehis ‘‘first love’’ was the trade uni-on movement, its influence overthe Labor Party had grown to‘‘suffocating’’ proportions.

But yesterday Ms Gillard saidthe unions were the championsof ‘‘working Australians’’.

‘‘I believe our great trade uni-on movement is important toAustralian society and to repre-senting the needs of workingpeople,’’ she said.

‘‘It was the trade union move-ment, shoulder to shoulder withthe Labor Party, that fought backand got rid of Work Choices.’’

Responding to Mr Hawke’s ad-vice to the ALP to recognise theperceived negative associationwith the unions, Ms Gillard saidthe matter had been adequatelyaddressed at the party’s nationalconference last month.

She tried to soften the publicrebuke to Mr Hawke, once thenation’s most popular leader,saying he was an important partof the ALP’s history.

‘‘Bob Hawke is of course a liv-ing legend,’’ she said. ‘‘Bob isright to say that the Labor Partyneeds to keep modernising.’’

His criticism of undue unioninfluence within the ALP mir-rored the view of another formerprime minister, Kevin Rudd, whosavaged the power of the unions

and factions in a speech to thenational conference.

Mr Rudd said the party hadfailed to take any significantsteps to rein in the power of fac-tions and union bosses.

‘‘While some claim we havemoved forward on party reform,the truth is we have barelymoved at all,’’ Mr Rudd said.

‘‘The stark alternative re-mains: either more power to thefactional powerbrokers or morepower to the 35,000 members ofthe Australian Labor Party.’’

An internal review by the for-mer premiers Steve Bracks andBob Carr and Senator John Faul-kner recommended a guaran-teed say for unions and Laborsupporters in party preselec-tions and aired dire warningsthat the party faced a member-ship crisis.

Senator Faulkner has re-peatedly warned that the ALPrisks a wipeout of its member-ship – as ‘‘a small party gettingsmaller, [and] an old party get-ting older’’.

Ms Gillard welcomed thereview but resisted the sugges-tion that the unions be given asay in policy and parliamentarydecisions.

‘‘As Labor leader I will insist onthe right to freely choose theexecutive of the federal parlia-mentary Labor Party,’’ she said atthe time of the review’s release. ‘‘Ihave chosen my team of minis-ters and parliamentary secretar-ies and I will continue to do so.’’

Mr Hawke also addressed theleadership question that contin-ues to dog Ms Gillard, saying hebelieved she was the best personfor the job.

‘‘I don’t think they shouldchange leaders,’’ he said. ‘‘Therehas been a lot of criticism ofJulia, but you have got to give hercredit for a lot of achievementsand tenacity.

‘‘She has shown a lot of cour-age and determination, particu-larly on the carbon tax and themining tax. When those thingsare bedded down they may evenbecome positives.’’

Ms Gillard has refused to ad-dress questions about the lead-ership this year, telling reporterson New Year’s Day to ‘‘check thetranscripts’’ of last year for heranswer.

It is more than 20 years sinceMr Hawke was prime minister ofAustralia but the ‘‘Silver Bodgie’’has enjoyed a resurgence in themedia, most recently in a re-newed spat with the formerprime minister Paul Keating.

The pair showed the passingof time had done nothing to easethe rancour in their relationshipwith Mr Keating this week blam-ing Mr Hawke for the wageexplosions of the 1970s.

Mr Keating said that MrHawke, as the ACTU nationalsecretary, had ‘‘nearly destroyedthe economy twice’’. The spatcoincides with the release by theNational Archives of the 1982and 1983 cabinet documents.

Wickets tumble as Test cricket hits fast-forward button

Howgood is JamesPattinson? ... Australia’s hottest newquickie celebrates thewicket ofVirenderSehwag. Photo: Steve Christo ContinuedPage2

There’s action aplenty asthe five-day game takesits lead from Twenty20,writesMalcolmKnox.

AS IF obligated to compete with theevening’s entertainment, 22 Test crick-eters of Australia and India rompedthrough three bright and breezy ses-sions. The batsmen clubbed the ball toall corners when they weren’t losingtheir wickets. The bowlers served upbouncers, wides, late outswingers andunplayable in-duckers, with the occa-sional nagging length ball for variety.Fieldsmen fell asleep if the ball hadn’tcome to them in an over.

What is this new thing, and how canit be stretched to five days? Perhapseach team needs three innings in aTest. Perhaps there is no problem. Testmatches have a natural duration of 31⁄2days, and we should celebrate theplebeian uprising of the bowler.

While M.S. Dhoni and R. Ashwinwere together, putting on 54 in 81 ballsfor India’s seventh wicket, an anxiousAustralian voice in the Churchill Standmuttered, ‘‘They’re digging in now –we need a wicket, Hilfy!’’

Bowler Ben Hilfenhaus did his bit,and concerns about a partnershiplasting more than an hour wereallayed. Mexican waves couldn’t evenmake a full circuit as a wicket fell first.When security guards seized beachballs, they weren’t booed, becausesomething had happened on the fieldto distract the crowd’s attention. BillLawry surely couldn’t cry ‘‘It’s all hap-pening!’’ for fear of understatement.

When Dhoni won the toss, thecrowd cheered – they were going to seeSachin Tendulkar. Of course, they nev-er considered the Indian top threemight bat all day, and they were right,though it did look, for a moment aftertea, as though they might be back infor their second innings.

Tendulkar did not make his 100thinternational century. Two constants ofhis career – that he scores runs inSydney and that his teammates let himdown – collided, resulting in his dis-missal for 41. He came to the crease at2-30 when not one ball had been hitconvincingly in front of the wicket.From there it was a contest of his coverdrive versus Australia. The bowlers fedthe shot. He laced drive after drivebetween point and mid-off, then drag-ged one onto his stumps. As wickets go,it was a cheap buy.

In general the bowlers didn’t have tostrike any bargains. Hilfenhaus redis-covered his fast bouncer to removeAshwin. Then, like a child who remem-bers last year’s Christmas present waseven better than this year’s, Hilfy used

Economic woes hit US defence ambitionsDaniel Flitton

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● BuzzcutPentagon prepares toslash spending.World – Page 8

AUSTRALIA is about to confrontthe biting reality of US militarydecline as its cash-strapped allymoves to abandon the long-standing doctrine of being readyto fight two wars simultaneouslyon opposite sides of the globe.

The New York Times reportedyesterday on cuts expected to beannounced this week by the Def-ence Secretary, Leon Panetta, toslash hundreds of billions of dol-lars in defence spending acrossground forces, navy, air forceand the nuclear arsenal.

Coming after earlier reduc-

tions, the US’s formal strategy tofight two large adversaries atonce – as it did during World WarII against Nazi Germany inEurope and Japan in the Pacific –will also be surrendered.

For 60 years the Defence chiefsin Canberra have had the luxuryto assume Washington will befree to come to Australia’s aid, nomatter what the US entangle-ments outside the region.

But those days are gone as ateetering economy forces deepcuts to the US defence budget –at the same time as many areconcerned about China’s grow-ing military ambitions.

The troubled F-35 Joint StrikeFighter, of which Labor has com-mitted to buy between 14 and 100,is also reported to be targeted.

Despite the cuts, the US wouldremain the pre-eminent militarypower with the ability to fightand win one major conflict and‘‘spoil’’ a second adversary’sambitions in another part of theworld. But The New York Times

reported that the cuts inevitablyposed questions such as wheth-er a reduced aircraft carrier fleetcould counter an increasinglybold China or whether a smallerarmy could fight a long groundwar in Asia.

Australia has already madeplain its hope to see a greater USengagement in the ‘‘Asian cen-tury’’ as the Obama administra-tion withdraws from Iraq andAfghanistan.

The agreement to train up to2500 US Marines near Darwin,announced during Barack Oba-ma’s visit to Australia in Novem-ber, was widely interpreted as

insurance against China’s rise.The US has also made clear a

desire to shift the focus to Asiaand Mr Obama used his speechto federal Parliament to pledgethe US was ‘‘here to stay’’.

The shift from fighting twosimultaneous wars againstmajor forces recognises the sig-nificant changes to warfare dur-ing recent decades, with in-surgent conflicts the norm andthe growing use of drones andother high technology.

The Defence Minister, StephenSmith, and the Minister for For-eign Affairs, Kevin Rudd, wouldnot comment on the change.

Killer givenpassport,licence andfreedomSaffron Howdenand AliciaWood

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

ContinuedPage2

TRENT JENNINGS packed hispassport, driver’s licence and,unsupervised, took off in astolen car from a prison psychi-atric hospital.

As authorities scrambled yes-terday to shift the blame for thebungle that allowed the killer towalk free on Friday and outsmartpolice hours later, the nation-wide hunt for him continued.

Jennings, 26, stabbed a man todeath eight years ago during acasual sexual encounter.

He was granted day leaverights from Morisset Hospital,near Newcastle, only a monthbefore he absconded from cus-tody and allegedly arranged overthe internet to meet a man, 50, athis home in Sydney’s Zetland.

Last Thurs-day, Jennings,pictured, tiedthe man upwith his con-sent then stolesome of hisbelongings, in-cluding hisblack Mercedes four-wheel-drive, police say.

That night he returned to hos-pital after curfew, having con-tacted staff to tell them his trainwas running late.

Satisfied with this explana-tion, hospital staff allowed himout unsupervised at 2pm thenext day, the eighth anniversaryof the night he stabbed GiuseppeVitale, 32, in the neck after bind-ing him at the hands and feet in apark at Narwee.

Jennings did not return on Fri-day evening and, four hourslater, he was pulled over bypolice in the stolen car south ofCoffs Harbour. His licence andvehicle registration were chec-ked, he was issued with somefines, and allowed to drive off.

Last night, police across Aus-tralia were searching for the for-mer Sydney waiter, who in 2005was found not guilty of MrVitale’s murder because a courtconcluded he was in a drug-induced psychosis at the time.

Yesterday the Premier, BarryO’Farrell, ordered a report fromall relevant departments into thecircumstances surrounding thegetaway and the delay in notify-ing the public.

‘‘I share some of the concernsabout the lack of informationabout his release or his escape,’’he said.

This week the NSW chief psy-chiatrist, John Allan, will reviewJennings’ case and patient leaveprocedures at Morisset Hospital.

The local health district

Resurgent Punterholds key to seriesIf the opening day was allabout Sachin Tendulkar, thecentral character leadinginto today is Ricky Ponting.Summer – Page 26

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SYDNEY CITY shower or two 19°-23°LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-24°PENRITH shower or two 18°-24°WOLLONGONG showers clearing 18°-21°GOSFORD few showers 17°-23°NEWCASTLE few showers 20°-23°CANBERRA shower or two 12°-24°ARMIDALE showers, storms 12°-22°DUBBO shower or two 15°-31°COFFS HARBOUR storms 19°-26°DETAILS PAGE 19

ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631063

WHY THIS MAN SPENT $17,000 ON A NEW NOSE

WEEKEND

FIRST PUBLISHED 1831 NO. 54,375 $2.50 (inc GST)

GOOD WEEKEND

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MISERY

2012 FACES TO WATCH

WEEKEND SPORT SPECTRUM

MEET THE $10b HEIRESS NEWS, PAGE 6

PAUL McGEOUGH

BOMB BLAST THAT ROCKED THE WORLDNEWS REVIEW

ANNE SUMMERS

SILENCE LIKE A CANCER GROWSNEWS REVIEW

January 14-15, 2012

Gareth Hutchens● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Yearof jobpain tohitbanks, shopsAUSTRALIA is on the cusp of awhite collar recession with in-siders warning that thousands ofjobs are at risk in the finance sec-tor, after it emerged yesterdaythat ANZ planned to cut 700 jobs.

But the Herald has establishedthe job cuts will total as many as1000 by the end of this year,which will be more than thebank shed at the height of theglobal financial crisis.

They come a day after the Roy-al Bank of Scotland announcedplans to close its investmentbanking business, leading to theloss of more than 200 jobs inAustralia.

Economists have warned Aus-tralia is vulnerable to a recessionthis year with a wholesale fund-ing squeeze in Europe raisingdebt costs for banks such as ANZ.

Experts have warned thous-ands of jobs will be lost from theindustry this year as banksscramble to adjust to an era oflow credit growth and higherfunding costs.

This comes on top of cuts of2150 jobs between March 2009and last September in ANZ’sAustralian division. ‘‘We haverun a policy of shedding jobsthrough attrition since Octoberlast year,’’ an executive said.

‘‘Temps have not been rehiredonce their contract has expired.Secondments have been stop-ped. We have outsourced twowhole floors of operations stafffrom a [Melbourne] office toManila [in the Philippines]. If

you count all those jobs sinceOctober, along with what will beannounced in the next week . . .we will lose more staff than wedid as a result of the GFC.’’

The national secretary of theFinance Services Union, LeonCarter, criticised the bank forshedding jobs when it hadrecord profitability. ‘‘Yet againthe first time anything getstough in finance the only trick intheir locker is to put jobs on theline,’’ he said.

‘‘It continues to be a highlyprofitable organisation that ismaking multibillion-dollar pro-fits. They have an obligation tokeep everybody employed.’’

The Financial Services Minis-ter, Bill Shorten, said: ‘‘Wehaven’t been briefed specificallyon any decisions of the ANZ interm of jobs.We regard any joblosses as unfortunate.’’

Experts say banks will be for-

ced to cut staff numbers for thenext few years to protect profitmargins. The high levels of con-sumption and lending they en-joyed in recent years will notcontinue.

At the start of 2007 Australia’sbanks, excluding ANZ Asia, em-ployed 155,000. Four years laterthat figure had grown to 178,000people, an increase of 23,000.

In ANZ alone, the number ofemployees in the group’s globaloperations increased by 12,000since September 2008, from36,900 to 48,900.

But ANZ’s Australian divisionhas shed more than 2100 jobs inthe past two years – from 19,922to 17,768 – as it sends more jobsto offshore.

The job losses could exacerbateconditions in Australia – alreadyvulnerable to recession. The chiefeconomist at JP Morgan, StephenWalters, said: Australia has notundergone adjustments observedelsewhere .. . it remains vulner-able to shocks.

Economists also say we mightexpect a further shake-out in theretail industry, which employs1.2 million people, following thejobs losses last year.

The Grattan Institute’s SaulEslake said: ‘‘I wouldn’t be at allsurprised if 2012 was a year inwhich some of the almost-inevitable consequences for em-ployment in retailing of thedeterioration in retail tradingconditions over the next coupleof years came to a head.’’� ANZstaffwait for axe to fall —WeekendBusiness

Come in spinner: Fiji paysWashington lobbyists for imagemakeoverDylanWelchSUVA, FIJI

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

News ReviewFiji’s future ofuncertainty

FrankBainimarama ... advice.

THE Fijian regime of Voreqe‘‘Frank’’ Bainimarama has re-cruited one of Washington’s mostnotorious lobbyist firms – thathas been raided by the FBI andrepresents repressive regimes inthe Middle East and Africa – tohelp manage its reputation andlobby foreign journalists.

And diplomatic sources be-lieve the firm, Qorvis Commu-nications, may be behind thedecision by Commodore Baini-marama to lift the widely con-demned public emergency regu-

lations, only to enshrine them ina permanent law.

The company is representedin Suva by a fresh-faced formerbusiness journalist, Seth Thom-as Pietras, who has been in the

country on and off since Octo-ber. A contract published by theUS Justice Department underthe Foreign Agents RegistrationAct reveals that in October theFijian Attorney-General, AiyazSayed-Khaiyum, signed a deedwith Qorvis worth $US40,000 amonth for a year. In return,Qorvis has agreed to provide‘‘public relations services relat-ing to business and investmentto the government of Fiji’’.

But it appears to the Herald,which spent the week in Suvabeing lobbied by Mr Pietras, thathis ambit is far greater than spin.

It is likely Mr Pietras, described

as Qorvis’s chief speechwriter,helped draft Commodore Baini-marama’s recent speeches, in-cluding his New Year’s Day ad-dress announcing the lifting ofemergency regulations.

Several countries with an in-terest in Fiji expressed a belief tothe Herald that, given the timing,Qorvis might have played a rolein Commodore Bainimarama’sdecision to lift the emergencyregulations.

A diplomatic source also ex-pressed concern that the kind ofrole played by such lobbyists inthe Middle East and Africa wasbeing imported to the Pacific.

Mr Pietras, an executive vice-president of Qorvis’s geopoliticalsolutions section, is at least thesecond Qorvis employee to travelto Fiji, after Tina Jeon, an Olym-pic archer and Qorvis spinner.

In early November Ms Jeonposted on Twitter a photo of her-self and Commodore Baini-marama aboard a boat in Fijiwith the caption: ‘‘No betterplace to write a press release’’.

Last year, during the ArabSpring, Mr Pietras was Qorvis’sspokesman when its role in de-fending Middle East regimes wasthe subject of debate.

‘‘Our clients are facing somechallenges now,’’ Mr Pietras toldThe New York Times. ‘‘But ourlong-term goals to bridge the dif-ferences between our clients andthe United States haven’tchanged. We stand by them.’’

In 2004 when Qorvis wasraided by the FBI as part of aninvestigation into whether anadvertising campaign it helpedrun broke federal law by not dis-closing Saudi funding.

At the time, Qorvis was thebeneficiary of a six-month con-tract with the Saudis worth almost$US15 million to help improve itsreputation after the terroristattacks of September 11, 2001.

Last year an Egyptian steeltycoon with ties to the Mubarakregime retained Qorvis to managehis public relations during a trialregarding claims of widespreadcorruption. He was eventuallysentenced to 10 years in jail.

The company has also repre-sented the man widely known as‘‘Africa’s worst dictator’’, Equat-orial Guinea’s Teodoro ObiangNguema Mbasogo.

Who’s for a dip? But there is a dark side

Sun, sand and fun ... TabithaPalmer, 6, centre, playswithLivKnight, 7, andHarryHamilford, 5, atNorthBondi. The girls are in the under-7 nippers. Photo: Dallas Kilponen

Economic conditions are preventing childrenlearning to swim, writesNick Ralston.

LIFESAVERS have a simpleexplanation for the spate of neardrownings and a record numberof rescues in recent weeks.

‘‘There was pretty poor weath-er leading into Christmas and Ithink that everyone was frothingat the bit to get out to the beach,’’said Dean Storey, the lifesavingmanager of Surf Life Saving NSW.

‘‘Then the sun came out. Atthe same time we had the bigswell . . . and it all came togetherto create a couple of weeks of

carnage.’’ The solution to theproblem is not as simple. Watersafety groups are concerned thatpool closures and entry costs aredenying young children thechance to learn to swim.

While an estimated 1.2 mil-lion children have private les-sons, experts conservatively pre-dict that each year at least 50,000children nationwide graduatefrom high school without beingable to swim 50 metres.

In NSW classes are offered

through an Education Depart-ment, two-week intensive pro-gram in schools for students inyears two to six.

The program – the mostaffordable in the state – is offeredto 100,000 students but is notcompulsory.

The peak industry body AUST-SWIM said in recent years issuesof cost had made some parentsreluctant to send their childrenfor lessons.

The chief executive, GordonMallett, said: ‘‘If there is no localpool, despite any efforts theDepartment of Education maymake, it starts to get more diffi-cult. Then you’ve got the cost of

entry to existing pools, which is abarrier to some socio-economicgroups, and the increasing costof bus transport.

‘‘The Department of Educa-tion tries to minimise the costbut there are some limitationson that. It’s just a sign of our eco-nomic times at the moment.People are being pinched a bit.’’

On the plus side, Surf Life Sav-ing is enjoying a boom in thenumber of young people becom-ing involved in the volunteer res-cue organisation.

This year it has 30,000 nipperson its books and the number hasbeen rising annually for the pastfour years.

‘‘We have kids who are doingnipper training, who are res-cuing kids their age on dayswhen the surf is a bit tricky,’’ saidthe nipper manager at NorthBondi Surf Life Saving,Jim Walker.

North Bondi has 1400 childrendoing nipper training, up from850 a few years ago.

A Bondi resident, Julia Palmer,was raised in England andwanted her daughter, Tabitha, togain a better understanding thanshe had of safety at the beach.

‘‘We offered for her to do it andshe loves it. She’s much moreconfident now in the surf thanshe was,’’ Ms Palmer said.

700ANZ jobs to go this year

2100Australian jobs cut byANZ

in past two years

200Local jobs lost in Bank ofScotland closure

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SPORTSDAY

THE TENDULKAR DYNASTY

The son also rises

THE TENDULKAR DY

summerFESTIVAL OF THE COUCH

The world of the box-set addict

YNASTYYNASTY

Tertiary advisory days: your five-page guide to starting university STARTS PAGE 12

Monday January 2, 2012 First published 1831 No. 54,364 $1.50 (inc GST)

ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631018

SYDNEY CITY sunny 18°-26°LIVERPOOL sunny 15°-31°PENRITH sunny 16°-33°WOLLONGONG sunny 18°-26°GOSFORD sunny 15°-28°NEWCASTLE sunny 18°-26°CANBERRA partly cloudy 15°-35°ARMIDALE mostly sunny 10°-27°DUBBO sunny 17°-35°COFFS HARBOUR partly cloudy 16°-26°DETAILS PAGE 18

Harbour rubbish pile on the rise after prisondrain gangs get the brush-offDebra Jopson

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Dirty business... litter linesthe foreshoreat IronCove.Photo: Jon Reid

THE amount of litter and wasteSydney Harbour garbage collect-ors pick up each year has plum-meted to the lowest level in morethan a decade after NSW Mari-time suspended a long-runningclean-up program that usedprisoners on periodic detention.

The environmental servicesteam, which clears debris ran-ging from plastic drink bottles tofallen trees from more than 5000hectares of waterways, collectedjust 2284 cubic metres of wastelast financial year, almost 500cubic metres less than the year

before, NSW Maritime’s latestannual report reveals.

‘‘One can draw the conclusionthat there would be more litter inthe harbour,’’ said Peter McLean,the NSW chief executive of KeepAustralia Beautiful. ‘‘I hate to see

programs like this not continuein some form. It would certainlybe very detrimental. We havemillions of people living in thatcatchment.’’

Research indicated it waslikely that since the end of the

drought more rain has meantmore litter washed into water-ways, he said.

Most of the man-made refuseconsists of food and drink pack-aging dropped on streets andswept into the harbour throughstormwater drains, a NSW Mari-time spokeswoman said.

While the fall was partlycaused by Maritime’s environ-mental service losing its flagshipvessel for more than six monthsas a replacement was built, italso followed a decision inDecember 2010 to stop usingdetainees provided by theDepartment of Corrective Ser-

vices for the foreshore clean-up,she said.

Minimal risk detainees beganworking with government water-ways cleaners 17 years ago andthe program has contributedbetween 12 and 28 per cent ofthe volume of waste collectedevery year up to 2008-09, officialfigures show.

However, the program wassuspended when the Depart-ment of Corrective Servicesbegan to phase out its periodicdetention program last October,according to NSW Maritime.

The Herald understands thatstaff were unwilling to work with

higher-risk detainees receivingintensive correction orders,which have replaced periodicdetention.

The detainees’ assistance washailed as a success in previousyears, as NSW Maritime crewsworked to remove boating haz-ards and rubbish from SydneyHarbour and the navigablewaters of the Parramatta andLane Cove rivers over a com-bined foreshore length of 270kilometres.

Four minimal risk detaineesworked three times a week withgovernment staff to clear debrisin areas inaccessible to boats,

such as mangrove swamps, theNSW Maritime spokeswomansaid.

The agency expects to restartthe program using volunteersprovided by a non-governmentorganisation in the first quarterof next year, another spokes-man said.

Mr McLean said volunteerswere difficult to attract. Hewarned that the loss of extraassistance with garbage collec-tion coincides with the NSWgovernment setting a target in itsnew state plan of achieving thelowest litter count per capita inAustralia by 2016.

Call to cutcity speedlimits to40km/hAnna PattySTATE POLITICS

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ROAD RULES� Pedestrians in the citycentre:600,000

� Vehicles in city centre:85,000

� International safety speed:30km/h

� City of Sydney safetyspeed:40km/h

TRAFFIC across the city wouldbe slowed to 40km/h as part ofCity of Sydney plans.

Terry Lee-Williams, a trans-port strategy manager at the Cityof Sydney, told the NSW Parlia-ment’s joint standing committeeon road safety that the councilwould like a “blanket” 40km/hspeed limit across the cityin “predominantly residentialareas”. He said 20 per cent of theexisting city speed zones were40km/h.

‘‘Once we do the CBD, thatwould take it up to about 35 percent and we would progressivelylike to roll that through. I sayprogressively because it is a costissue,’’ Mr Lee-Williams told thecommittee late last year.

The costs include hundreds ofthousands of dollars in studies‘‘and hoops we must jumpthrough for the RMS [Roads andMaritime Services]’’.

The NSW Labor MP WaltSecord, who is a Staysafe com-mittee member, said he dis-agreed with the council plan tointroduce the 40km/h speedzone across the city, saying itwould further congest traffic.

‘‘Recently at a Staysafe parlia-mentary hearing, the staff fromSydney City Council were advoc-ating changing the entire city to40 kilometres,’’ he said. ‘‘While Iunderstand they have safetyconcerns, I fear that it could slowcity traffic to a snail’s pace.

‘‘This would make journeysacross Sydney even longer induration and slower, especiallyat night.’’

A spokeswoman for the City ofSydney said it was the responsi-bility of NSW Roads and Mari-time Services to approve anychanges to the speed limit.

“The RMS is responsible forsignposting and speed limitsthroughout NSW,” she said.

“The City of Sydney supportsimproving road safety and min-imising the risk of injury anddeath in pedestrian areas

through the reduction of speedlimits, as is international bestpractice. On any given workingday, there are 600,000 pedestri-ans in the city centre and 85,000vehicles. The slower the vehicle,the less risk of severe trauma tothe pedestrian.’’

A spokeswoman for Roads andMaritime Services said it had“received a copy of the conceptproposal for a speed zone reduc-tion from the City of Sydney onChristmas Eve and is reviewing itearly this year”.

The former Labor premierKristina Keneally and the City ofSydney lord mayor, CloverMoore, agreed to a plan to slowtraffic within the city centre to40km/h by early 2011 in amemorandum of understandingdated September 13, 2010, whenMr Secord worked as chief-of-staff for Ms Keneally.

A spokesman for the NSWRoads Minister, Duncan Gay,said the minister had not yetseen the City of Sydney proposal.

Mr Lee-Williams told the Stay-safe committee in late Novem-ber that someone hit by a car at40km/h was far less likely to diethan if they were hit at 60km/h.

‘‘Internationally it is 30km/h,but because it has taken about12 years to get the RTA down to40km/h, we did not want to pushthe envelope to 30km/h,’’ hesaid. ‘‘Traffic also flows better incrowded areas at a slower speedbecause . . . you do not get com-pression between intersections:the vehicles are moving easily;they do not have to accelerate,decelerate, accelerate, deceler-ate.”

Howard honoured, for Queen and country

Exceptionallymeritorious services ...MrHoward at home inWollstonecraft yesterday. ‘‘It’s a compliment toAustralia,’’ he said of his award. Photo: Quentin Jones

Kelly Burke● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

NOT since Sir Robert Menzieshas the monarchy bestowedsuch approbation on an Austra-lian politician.

John Howard’s decade-longprime ministership and his dog-ged adherence to a constitution-al monarchy have earned himadmission to an exclusive clubwith a capped membership ofjust 24 after Buckingham Palaceannounced yesterday he hadbeen appointed a member of theOrder of Merit.

Only Menzies’ Knight of theOrder of the Thistle, to which theLiberal Party founder was inves-ted in 1963, carries more kudos.

‘‘I’m very honoured,’’ MrHoward told the Herald from hishome in Wollstonecraft. ‘‘It’s acompliment to Australia and arecognition, among otherthings, of the respect the Queenhas for this country. I’m verygrateful for it.’’

Mr Howard, along with theBritish artist David Hockney,

who was also appointed to theorder yesterday, will joinluminaries including the formerBritish prime minister BaronessMargaret Thatcher, the play-wright Sir Tom Stoppard, thenaturalist Sir David Atten-borough and Prince Charles.

The Governor-General, Quen-tin Bryce, said she warmly con-gratulated Mr Howard onreceiving such a distinguishedaward. ‘‘This is a rare and singu-lar honour for his service to Aus-tralia,’’ she said.

The Order, founded by King

Edward VII in 1902, carries notitle but is considered anextremely high mark of honourand a personal gift from theQueen.

According to the Royal Family’swebsite, it is to be given ‘‘to suchpersons, subjects of Our Crown,

as may have rendered exception-ally meritorious services in OurCrown Services or towards theadvancement of the Arts, Learn-ing, Literature, and Science orsuch other exceptional service asWe are fit to recognise’’.

Although writers and artistshave traditionally dominatedthe field, politicians appointedto the order have included SirWinston Churchill, ClementAttlee and Baroness Thatcher.

Mr Howard becomes the ninthAustralian appointed, followingin the footsteps of the philosoph-er Samuel Alexander, the intel-lectual Gilbert Murray, scientistsSir Frank Macfarlane Burnet,Howard Florey and RobertMcCredie May, former chiefjustice of Australia Sir Owen Dix-on, artist Sir Sidney Nolan andsoprano Dame Joan Sutherland.

Mr Howard is expected toreceive his Order of Merit – aneight-pointed cross bearing theimperial crown to be wornaround the neck – at a ceremonylater this year.

INSIDE

Road toll fallsThe 2011 road toll was the secondlowest since 1944, according toprovisional figures from theNSWCentre for Road Safety. Lastyear, 376 peoplewere killed onNSW roads, down from405 theprevious year. The toll hasdropped from524 over the past10 years.� News — Page 5

Weather, or notThemostmiserable summer inSydney in50years. The coldestautumnnationally inmore than50years. Record flooding inVictoria. AChristmasDay inMelbournewith hailstones thesize of eggs.Massive floods andcycloneYasi inQueensland.What’s it allmean?� PaulSheehan,Opinion —Page 11

First TuesdayMitt Romney andRon Paulappeared to be running neck andneck in Iowa before tomorrow’sfirst vote on the candidatesvying for the Republican Party’spresidential nomination, withRick Santorummounting a latecharge. Contenders have beenblitzing shoppingmalls, publicmeetings and localmedia.� World — Page8

Classic stoushChloeHoskingwon a thrillingfirst race of the Bay Classic andpromptly called Union CyclisteInternationale boss PatMcQuaid‘‘a dick’’ for failing to implementaminimumwage for women.Third placed Rochelle Gilmorealso called for change.� SportsDay — Page 32

IN GOOD COMPANY

Onmerit ... clockwise,from top left:BaronessThatcher,PrinceCharles, SirTomStoppard, DavidHockney andSirDavidAttenborough.

Bowser bluesNSWdrivers could facemorepetrol price rises when thegovernment bans regularunleaded fuel, pushing updemand for ethanol-blended andpremiumunleaded, the industryhaswarned. FromJuly, petrolstationswill no longer be allowedto sell regular unleaded in a bidto promote renewable biofuels.� News — Page 3

On-campus outlets where you can pick up your complimentary SMH Monday to Thursday.**

• Footbridge Station

• Wentworth Campus Store

• Bosch Café

• Caffe Tra Baci

• Manning Kiosk

• Engineering Building

• Snack Express

Already an Access member? Opt in at no cost at usuonline.com/smh

201x270_ACCESS2012-USU.indd 1 17/07/12 12:28 PM

bull USUonline.com Feature

28

deJa viewJohn rowley pauses and rewinds.

Reduce, reuse, recycle. Three simple words with simple concepts, which environmental conservationists and the

big, bad empires of the entertainment industry share as their common creed. Who’da thunk it?

29issue 07 Feature

Perhaps the phrase requires some moderation. To reunite, remake and rerelease seem to be the order of the day in the entertainment world. Try as we might to hate it, what journalist Natalie Craig describes as our “postmodern penchant for cultural recycling” is difficult to deny because absence so frequently makes the heart grow fonder.

Usually more so than new offerings, revivals pull on our heartstrings, taking advantage of the potency of nostalgia. But the existing attachment works both ways. Disappointing re-interpretations of once mighty favourites can induce defensive, protectionist attacks, and contemporary updates often become stains on the memories of a beloved original.

However, old faithfuls, when not tampered with too much, can undergo facelifts that benefit both purveyor and audience. Disney has recently demonstrated this by capitalising on 3D technology. According to the online box office database Box Office Mojo, last year’s The lion King 3D, grossed almost $95 million, which is not bad, considering the relatively small investment involved in the making of the film. Following this success, Disney’s biggest cash cows (or family favourites as they’re otherwise known) will be undergoing similar treatments. Beauty and the Beast and Finding Nemo have already enjoyed 3D re-releases with 3D versions of Monsters, Inc. and The little Mermaid planned for next year.

Take That are also a perfect example of how to pull off a sustained and successful reboot. When the British boy band split up in 1996, soon after Robbie Williams flew the nest to

become a solo star, no one expected them to register so much as a blip on the pop charts again. Almost a decade later, however, the band (still sans Robbie) released a greatest hits package to the delight of mum-groupies across Britain, and inspired rumblings of more to come. The three albums which were subsequently released have sold almost eight million copies combined, eclipsing the band’s original sales figures. According to cultural

commentator Tom Ewing, the crafting of the reunion as “a new chapter, not an unnecessary sequel” ensured the ongoing success of the group in its second manifestation. The return of Robbie on 2010’s Progress saw the group complete their seamless transformation from boy band to man band.

Album reissuing is another phenomenon that has become mysteriously abundant in recent years. Every festive season seems to bring a slew of Greatest Hits, Number Ones, Best Ofs and ultimate Collections from a variety of stars in the pop music hall of fame, with the addition of re-mastered, remixed or rediscovered “gems” – usually lukewarm leftovers or ‘b-sides’ – aimed at sealing the deal. These rather desperate measures can be attributed to the rapidly declining rate of CD sales that have marred the music industry since the general population discovered how to use the Internet. In fact, it’s not out of the ordinary for an album to be relaunched after only a couple of months on the charts. This practice is seemingly justified by the addition of two or three new tracks, which are aimed at inducing repeat purchases by hardcore fans.

While we might expect such shameless profiteering from the music business, the tamer world of publishing is no innocent bystander either and is just as accustomed to producing questionable re-workings of cult classics to make a quick buck or two. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is but one title in a series of zombie-fied classics that have had purists reaching for their muskets. Presumably, Jane Austen’s estate approved Seth Grahame-Smith’s gory reinterpretation at some stage since Madame Austen is listed as a co-author. In his version, Mr Darcy courts Elizabeth in an alternate universe in which the English countryside is plagued not by foxes, but by the un-dead. Maybe the series represents an attempt to reconcile the prim and proper readers of Austen

EVEry FEstiVE sEason

sEEMs to bring a slEw oF grEatEst hits, nuMbEr onEs, bEst oFs

and ultiMatE CollECtions FroM a VariEty oF stars

FroM thE PoP MusiC hall oF FaME...

iMagE: CollidEr.CoMiMagE: awardsCirCuit.CoM

30 bull USUonline.com Feature

with fang-baring Twihards, that is, diehard fans of the Twilight series. In any case, this questionable reappropriation seems to have paid off with a movie rumoured to be in the works (as if we didn’t have enough versions of Pride and Prejudice already).

Rather than pay for the rights and labour required to create new screenplays, why not just rip off and appropriate existing ones?

The continuation of many serialised narratives is in some ways admirable. Twenty-two James Bond films have been released to date with a new instalment on the immediate horizon. It’s clear that efforts have been made to update and reinvigorate the core narrative for a modern audience. It’s also interesting to note that most long-running franchises revolve around (and are primarily targeted at) men. But, that’s a different discussion to be had in a different article.

While it’s easy to rattle off a list of franchises whose sequels and prequels dominate all-time box office lists, more often than not, the law of diminishing returns applies. When a studio produces a successful movie, it’ll probably continue to release subsequent instalments until the box office numbers prompt the franchise to end not with a bang but with a whimper.

American Pie recouped its budget 21 times at the box office when it was released in 1999 and was followed by an even more successful sequel two years later. This year’s fourth instalment American Reunion, however, grossed $1 million less than the original despite thirteen years of inflation. Familiarity here has apparently bred not only contempt, but also ignorance.

Dragging a franchise out over any period of time is problematic. The original audience will likely grow and change, but if the franchise does so as well, it is liable to accusations of ‘selling out’.

Of course, there’s a fine line between knowing your audience and going through the motions. Earlier this year, posters plastered across Eastern Avenue heralded the glorious reunion of S Club 7, the early noughties juggernaut credited with chart-toppers like Don’t Stop Movin’ and Bring It All Back. Sadly, the reality didn’t quite live up to this promise, and more closely resembled an amateur tribute act than a true S Club Party. In fact, only three sevenths of the original band made it to Channel Seven’s Sunrise set, where they were joined by four dancers to make up the numbers. There’s something both tragic and cathartic about seeing the stars of yore squeezed into a costume three sizes too small, trying to hype a bored-looking audience into enjoying

something they only remember vaguely.In order for yearning rather than yawning

to be fostered, an appropriate period of absence should be enforced for franchises. Tom Ewing wrote in The Guardian that the prompts for a product’s initial demise “take time to heal.” Having rested Spiderman for a not-so-whopping five years, Marvel Entertainment brought the series back to the big screen this year. Prior to the release of The Amazing Spiderman, director Marc Webb assured fans and critics that his subject was ready for review. In an interview in Empire magazine Webb gushed about the enduring nature of Spiderman: “there's something iconic about that character, but there is something also incredibly flexible that can withstand and benefit from different interpretations.” Audiences voted with their feet, however. Despite grossing a healthy $735 million, The Amazing Spiderman currently stands as the lowest-grossing Spiderman movie to date.

At the other end of the spectrum is Puberty Blues. The seminal Australian novel, released in 1979 and adapted into a cult film in 1981, lay dormant for more than thirty years before finally being resurrected as a Channel Ten miniseries this year, to rave reviews.

Oversaturation in any given time period can be tiresome. Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes has been subject to two recent spin-offs. The BBC’s television production has co-existed with a film franchise starring Robert Downey Jr., and while the two take quite different approaches in casting, setting and tone, they both play upon the same classic tales, and it’s only a matter of time before audiences overdose on Holmes and revolt.

Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to what should be left to the misty blur of memory, and what is suitable for repeat visits. The criteria tend to vary from one person to the next and are usually largely dependent on whether you like your revivals to be tragic or triumphant.

In any case, it looks as if we’re set to be privy to a whole lot more revivals. According to Ewing, bands, texts and films are increasingly undergoing a “revolving-door afterlife.” Fellow journalist Elvis Mitchell has gone so far as to claim, rather worryingly, that “nothing will go away ever again.” Well, I say bring on The Fast and the Furious 12: Hover Car Handover.

iMagE: naMElEssMinistriEs.CoM

When a studio produces a successful movie, it’ll probably continue to release subsequent

instalments until the box office numbers prompt the franchise to end not with a bang

but with a whimper.

31issue 07 youniversity

youniversity

Author and former Sydney Morning Herald journalist Lisa Pryor believes that you don’t necessarily have to choose and that you can have both family and manage your university schedule at the same time.

A year ago, when she was thirty-two, Lisa Pryor was overcome with a “crazy idea” to go back and study Medicine at the University of Sydney, despite being three months pregnant and having a two year old toddler at home.

During the early stages of her pregnancy, Pryor found herself overwhelmed with morning sickness and fatigue while at the same time trying to juggle a full-time study load.

“Sometimes I hear people say ‘pregnancy isn’t an illness’ and I want to say ‘you want to bet?’” she says.

“In the early months, my problem was having to spend a lot of time lying on the couch because I felt either nauseous or like I was going to faint.”

During the latter months of her pregnancy, Pryor dragged a stool around during her practical anatomy exam because her legs threatened to give out.However, despite finding that “life can be hard” as a student-mother, choosing a “mummy-

diana phaM asks what it’s like being a Mother at uni.

Cramming and pramming

Warnings about the conflict between women’s

reproductive systems and their careers are always in the news, with pundits issuing grave warnings about the difficulty of having both. But what about women trying to be a mother and a student at the same time?

track” career was not an option. “I have learned that you may as well

be ambitious if that’s the type of person you are,” she says.

“Choosing a mummy-track career where you work fewer hours, but earn less money

and get less satisfaction is a false economy.” Pryor acknowledges that it was her “class rather than gender”

that allowed her to continue her studies.

“My time was relatively easy as my husband [The Chaser’s Julian Morrow] was earning enough money for the household, we could afford to send our

daughter to high quality childcare three days a

week. We had amazing support from grandparents

on other days as well.”She recognises that “things are a

million times harder for single mothers, young couples on low incomes and mothers who have to commute a long way to uni.”

Student Alice Alverez currently in her third year studying a Bachelor of Medical Science, doesn’t have things as easy. She’s three months pregnant with her first child, and like Lisa Pryor, also chose to continue completing her degree despite expecting a child within the year. However, as a mother on Youth Allowance with a partner finishing an apprenticeship, she is expecting “some financial setbacks, especially with only having one person earning money.”

Some expecting mothers are eligible for financial assistance from the government, while under the Jobs, Education and Training (JET) scheme, Centrelink offers childcare help for single parents pay while they’re undertaking studies or re-entering the workplace.

Advice is available from the University Health Services which offers assistance to anyone trying to combine study and motherhood. Further, you can find parent facilities around campus including a baby change room for mothers (Level 3, Wentworth Building). Breastfeeding facilities are available in The Women’s Resource Room, which has been relocated to Manning House, Level One.

during thE lattEr

Months oF hEr PrEgnanCy, Pryor draggEd a stool

around during hEr PraCtiCal anatoMy ExaM bECausE hEr lEgs thrEatEnEd

to giVE out.

32 bull USUonline.com Food & booZe

bistro papillon 98 Clarence StNothing says ‘voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir’ like a good French feed. With twinkling tealights, the faint perfume of Mediterranean wine and art nouveau posters draping the chocolate-coloured walls, Bistro Papillon breathes romantic Parisian ambience.For the authentic experience, we recommend starting with a plate of escargot to share. They come out still simmering in hot garlic butter. The taste and texture is surprisingly similar to mussels, only smaller and softer. Be sure to soak up all the remaining juices with the complimentary baguette.The mains are equally impressive and exceptionally well cooked. We had the rabbit casserole in a white wine reduction and the slow-cooked veal ragout with thyme roasted vegetables. Each main comes with a side dish of your choice (choose the ratatouille, it’s to die for) so you’re comfortably stuffed by the end of the meal and all for less than $50 on a student discount.

Zilver Sydney Central Building, 477 Pitt StFor a completely different but equally delicious date experience, Yum Cha mixes flash-speed

ordering with overwhelming variety. If you’ve never been to Yum Cha before, it’s sort of like a sushi train but with little ladies and food trolleys instead of miniature trains.Zilver is famous for its cheap and tasty Yum Cha. Only available at lunchtime, it’s usually a flurry of excitement, orders and food flying in all directions. It’s best to get in early before the office rush hits at around 1pm.From the household favourites, spring rolls and dumplings, to more adventurous dishes like chicken feet and tripe, the food is always spot-on and costs around $3-6 a plate. But don’t let the prices fool you, not only is the food flavorful, the décor is also pretty fly. With marble floors, walls lined with red velvet and gold decorations by the bucketload, it doesn’t look as reasonably priced as it actually is.

caFé otto 79 Glebe Point Rd

Only a short stroll from campus, Café Otto is one of the many culinary gems on the Glebe Point Road strip. What sets Otto apart from other cafés in the area, however, is that it does everything well. Some cafés are known for their drinks, others for their food and others for their atmosphere. Otto excels at in all three areas, plus it’s cheap.You enter Café Otto through a leafy cobblestone courtyard. The interior is an off-beat fusion between a modern barn and a medieval Spanish church. The feature wall is a mosaic of a tattooed woman, a reminder of when the café completely burnt down in 2010.The food is all made-to-order. We recommend starting with the cheese plate and a jug of sangria (both red and white available). Look out for the crumbed brie; those bite-sized heart-stoppers are addictive.

There comes a time when a Thai La–Ong lunch or an $8

Monday movie just won’t cut it. In the words of Good Charlotte, “Girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money.” Crude as it is, the thought is simple: you’ve got to spend some to get some. But on a student budget, most of us don’t have money to burn on a ten course degustation menu at Tetsuya’s to woo the pants off that special someone. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of fancy but affordable date restaurants that’ll have your special someone swooning without sending you to the cleaners.

Food & booZe

lawrence Muskitta stokes the Fire without burning the wallet.

Date Night On The Tight

ReciPeBUTTeRFlY lAmB wiTH HeRB RoASTeD veGeTABleSA good home-cooked meal is the fastest way to anyone’s heart. Here’s a quick and easy meal that costs less than $30 all up.

WHAT YOU NeeD:• 500gbutterflylamb• 100gcrushedwalnuts• 100gbasilpesto• Fourpotatoes,choppedintochunks• Sixbabycarrots• Rosemary• Thyme• Oliveoil• String

HOW TO MAKe:1. Preheat oven to 180C and put lamb in greased tray2. Spread the basil pesto on one side of the

butterfly lamb3. Sprinkle the crushed walnuts on the same side 4. Roll lamb so stuffing makes a spiral down the

cross-section and tie with string5. Moisten with a douse of olive oil and season with

salt and pepper6. Put lamb in oven for 40 minutes or until crispy

on the outside7. In another tray, throw in chopped potatoes and

whole baby carrots8. Season with rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and

a sprinkle of olive oil9. Put vegetables in oven until potatoes are

golden brown

For the mains, you can’t go past the pasta and pizza menus. The homemade gnocchi with zucchini flowers is utterly divine. Thick cream sauce coupled with pillows of smooth gnocchi - a match made in gustatory heaven.

issue 07 travel

33

each year, hundreds of young Australians head abroad to

sow their wild oats, broaden their proverbial horizons and search for some sort of elusive direction; hoping the medieval majesty of old Europe, big city life in the United States, or ‘shroom shakes in Asia will set them on their way.

Established in 1962, Contiki Tours have become a choice mode of travel for young Aussies and something of a boozy rite of passage. The topic is always a polarising one: self-ascribed ‘independent traveller extraordinaires’ will scoff in a flurry of elitist fervour at the suggestion that any Contiki traveller could possibly claim to have seen the ‘real city’, and Contiki veterans will sing its praises from every rooftop (bar).

Targeted specifically at the 18-35 demographic, the tours have attained a reputation for rolling up and wreaking havoc, unleashing a bunch of outrageous Australians, New Zealanders, Canadians and South Africans on unsuspecting locals.

Let’s not create any illusion of chaste pilgrimage here: the Contiki bus is a debauched, unholy vessel. Your immune system will be methodically attacked and destroyed and you

Drink and RideJill grant hails the contiki bus.

will contract a vicious mutant flu that will see you gravely ill for the majority of the trip. You will probably partake in incestuous relations and may even become embroiled in a ‘Contiki relationship’. You will almost definitely develop an outrageous drinking and eating pattern that you will quickly realise is completely incompatible with home life, and is, frankly, borderline alcoholism. The Contiki bus will become an exclusively designated sleeping space and people will ensure that in the event of an emergency or a classy bus vom, the middle aisle is completely packed with sleepers, and thus non-navigable.

The business model is genius: a group of people of a similar age with similar objectives, a lively leader who seems to see this as more than a job, and a hugely enticing line-up of destinations. In a 2011 report commissioned by Contiki Holidays and conducted by Lonergan Research, it was suggested that 66 per cent of the 1005 young Australians surveyed prefer escorted travel to independent travel. The report also found that 50 per cent of participants wished to see multiple countries across one continent. When you have a single month off university in the middle of the year, and the months preceding are well and truly occupied by study and Facebook, a completely organised trip is extremely convenient.

Life on the trip is something of a hyper-reality. Despite being whisked through countries at light speed, the time spent in each city is so

tour contiki

jam-packed that travellers do get a nice taste of the place. On European tours, trips through Italy, France and Spain include short stops in small towns such as Arles, Avignon and Pisa, which provide a sample of the local culture, and an avenue for testing newfound language skills. Each big city is allocated around two days, forcing travellers to certainly make the most of their time. Forget those mornings of hangover indulgence, in Paris alone Contiki travellers can be found in all the major museums and sights, whether it’s Notre Dame, the Catacombs, the Eiffel Tower, Sainte Chappelle or along the Champs Elysses. Admittedly, they won’t be difficult to spot. If you see someone respecting the modesty regulations of the Vatican by donning a beach towel in the Sistine Chapel, you have more than likely stumbled upon a Contiki group.

Contiki is all about attitude: if you go in with the knowledge that you will barely scratch the surface of a city and will probably not become best friends with an Italian, French or Spanish local, then you’ll be well-placed. Get proactive about making the most of your time and you’ll have a ball. Some of the optional extras are super cheesy and straight from an ‘80s cruise ship, but budget for these – they are a good way of getting to know your group and are great fun. Contiki tours can be a fantastic mode of travel for the novice who has limited time or just wants to get a feel for the area, relatively fuss-free and with a great bunch of like-minded people.

travel

iF you sEE soMEonE

rEsPECting thE ModEsty rEgulations

oF thE VatiCan by donning a bEaCh towEl in thE sistinE ChaPEl, you haVE MorE than

likEly stuMblEd uPon a Contiki

grouP.

2 March13 April4 May1 June6 July

3 August7 September5 October2 November

2012 Application closing dates

For more information contact the ACCESS Desk Level 1 Manning House, info@usu.usyd.edu.au T. 9563 6000

Got a

cool project, great idea or fantastic opportunity but lack the cash to make it happen?

APPLY NOW FOR A

$1000 GRANT!

DIARY_draft_017_internalsFINAL.indd 48 25/11/11 2:30 PM

35issue 07 Fashion

FashionMisa han can’t decide between the blonde, the brunette and the blue.

neon signsThis year’s fashion is all about highlighting your features – literally. Giant fashion houses like Country Road and Witchery have switched black and brown with neon yellow and flouro pink, and going clubbing in northern beaches means digging out mum’s aerobics costume from the 70s.

So it is only natural that the colours usually reserved for the PostIt section at Officeworks make appearance on our hair. But what looks good on Pinterest doesn’t always translate well in real life and trying to match pink hair with a red Sydney Uni hoodie can be a difficult exercise.

BULL met those of us who took the dangerous leap and looked good while doing it.

avani diassocio-legal studies iii

What are the colours?Red, teal and purple.

Why did you dye your hair?Because I wanted something colourful and I got sick of black.

How did everyone react to your new hair?Everyone was shocked. Dad didn’t like it.

What hair do you want to try next?Maybe blue.

saM Jenkinsscience iii

When did you get your hair done?About 3 weeks ago.

Why did you dye your hair?For a film shoot for a Brainworth instructional video. It was set in the future when you’re colonising another planet. I was Loki.

What’s your natural hair colour?Brown.

What hair do you want to try next?I’m thinking about dying it entirely blue. Or maybe red.

Jodie cohenit ii

Where did you get your hair done?At a place in Bondi Junction.

How long have you been thinking about dying your hair?For about a year and a half.

Why did you do it?Fun. It was for fun.

What sort of reaction do you get from new people you meet?I get a lot of people telling me I have pink hair.

36 bull USUonline.com sport

sportNeed for Speednick rowbothaM gives us the straight dope.

i n few sports is the issue of doping more recurrent and difficult to police than

in cycling. In June, seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong was charged with various doping offences between 1999 and 2005, and has since chosen not to contest the charges. Previously, Alberto Contador, winner of the 2007, 2009 and 2010 Tours de France, was stripped of his 2010 title when it was discovered that he had tested positive during the 2010 event.

The Tour de France has been marred by doping scandals since its inception in 1903, and for many decades the use of alcohol and other crude substances was accepted as part of the race. However, with the advent of more sophisticated drugs in the 1950s-60s, doping began to be seen as a threat to the sport’s integrity. For many years, amphetamines predominated as the drugs of choice for professional cyclists, but in the 1970s, when tests for amphetamines were perfected, competitors began to turn to steroids for both conditioning and recovery purposes.

In other sports where doping has traditionally been rife, such as athletics and weightlifting, there is a limited class of drugs useful for doping. This is primarily because strength, not endurance, gives athletes in those sports a competitive edge. But in cycling, riders have consistently found innovative ways to dope, and like Armstrong, many have gone years without detection or

punishment. Some are never caught. This in turn means that the best clean riders never receive the recognition they deserve.

In recent decades, doping in professional cycling has evolved well beyond amphetamines and steroids. The 1990s saw erythropoietin (EPO), a drug used to increase red blood cell production in people with anemia, become the primary doping agent for cyclists. Given that EPO is a naturally occurring hormone, it caused an obvious problem for authorities, who had to devise new tests reliant on detecting abnormally high levels of the hormone in athletes’ blood. However, “blood doping” had been around long before EPO. In its crudest form, it involves harvesting and enriching blood belonging to the athlete or another person, and transfusing it before competition. There are tests to detect the presence of more than one person’s blood in an athlete’s system, but ironically, transfusions of the athlete’s own blood – perhaps the

simplest possible method of doping – are almost impossible to detect.

The World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) has a comprehensive list of banned substances and methods, but it largely defines doping relative to this list, meaning that an objective definition of doping is difficult to arrive at. Thus, marginal cases will always exist. For example, why is sleeping in an altitude tent to boost one’s aerobic performance not considered a form of blood doping? At what point is an athlete gaining an unfair or unnatural advantage?

Unfortunately, doping will always be a part of sporting events like the Tour de France because they demand what can only be described as superhuman feats of endurance. It seems that in some ways, the game of cat and mouse between dopers and testers has become a race of its own: a race without a clear leader, and one that’s unlikely to end any time soon.

iMagE: boston.CoM

STeRoiDS AnD GRowTH HoRmoneS build muscle mass and/or eliminate fat. They are common in athletics, weightlifting, and other strength-oriented sports.

STimUlAnTS increase focus and energy during competition, but are rarely used anymore as they are easy to test for and provide only short-term benefits.

PAinKilleRS allow athletes to push beyond their usual pain threshold. Some are permitted by WADA, but stronger variants like opiates are banned.

SeDATiveS calm the central nervous system and alleviate anxiety before or during competition. They are often used in focus-oriented sports like archery.

DiUReTicS increase the expulsion of water through urine, and are thus used to eliminate other banned substances from the athlete’s system. They can also be used as a weight loss agent in sports with weight restrictions like boxing and weightlifting.

mASKinG AGenTS restore hormone ratios to their normal level by concealing the use of other substances, similar to diuretics.

clASSeS oF PeRFoRmAnce enHAncinG DRUGS

37issue 07 science & tech

science & techOnce One Small Step...Now Six Large WheelsMichael west peaks our curiosity.

When Curiosity landed on Mars on 5th August, the “Seven Minutes of Terror” as NASA dubbed the landing, gathered massive public interest and was a spectacular achievement for NASA, the USA and the world in general.

But firstly, let’s clear up some general misconceptions about Curiosity’s landing.

No, when landing on Mars the rover did not play the James Bond theme song, and despite stories to the contrary, even though the Red Planet does have a thin atmosphere, it was not necessary to power up the nuclear driven

Curiosity with a mixture of Diet Coke and Mentos.

The actual landing, however, was as equally spectacular as a Hollywood Sci-Fi production. The world sat entranced from the moment of Curiosity’s fiery descent, which saw the spacecraft decelerate from a frightening 21,000 km/h to zero relying solely upon a 51-foot supersonic parachute, watching in awe as a rocket powered sky crane lowered the rover on cables to a flawless landing on Mars crater. The eagle had well and truly landed.

Sending a simple text message, “I’ve arrived,” Curiosity propelled itself straight into the history books and Americans were eager to shout it to the world. Curiosity has sparked much needed national pride in the American public, as announced by President Barack Obama,

“The successful landing of Curiosity – the most sophisticated roving laboratory ever to land on another planet – marks an unprecedented feat of technology that will stand as a point of national pride far into the future.”

We may be enjoying Curiosity’s witty twitter messages back to Earth, but the rover is delivering a far more important message to the international community. America has suffered much economic hardship and budgetary cuts, but when it comes to Space exploration, they’re back in business. Curiosity reconfirms America’s leadership in space technology, exploration and innovation. They may have lost the Olympic Medal tally to China but they are well and truly first off the blocks in this new space race. Which begs the question, how now can America continue to make the proposed $300 million dollar budget cuts to science and the space program it previously planned?

NASA, all too aware of the high costs of their Space Program and the need to gain support from congress for additional funding, is taking every opportunity to place the USA trademark over as much of Mars as possible, starting with the naming of the rover’s landing site, “Bradbury Landing,” as a tribute to American Science Fiction writer, Ray Bradley, who wrote The Martian Chronicles. This was soon followed by the release of American artist will.i.am’s soundtrack ‘Reach for the Stars’ broadcast directly from onboard the Mars rover three hundred million miles back to Earth. We can only hope that they will have enough good taste not to establish McDonalds and Starbucks

outposts on the Red Planet.As much as Curiosity was an amazing engineering

and technological feat and a major scientific triumph, for America it is so much more. The Curiosity rover has been the centrepiece of NASA’s $2.5 billion dollar planetary

program and its success not only reconfirms their

technological superiority and reasserts their dominance in

space, it gives the American people what they crave most, national pride.

Irrespective of whether Curiosity manages to find any evidence of microbial life on its two year mission on Mars, expect to hear daily updates of its sophisticated technology. America will ensure that we watch in awe as Curiosity vaporises boulders, sends home weather reports and analyses microscopic substances smaller than the width of a human hair. We can also guarantee more publicity for the ‘blue-shirted geeks’ who, along with the rover, have rocketed

to newfound Facebook fame. All in the name of curiosity!

As we pay homage to American Astronaut, Neil

Armstrong, who inspired the world with his infamous moonwalk, the question is raised, can a one tonne nuclear robot named ‘Curiosity’ do the same to inspire a new generation? If the recent public response is anything to go by, then the answer should be a resounding ‘yes’.

sEnding a siMPlE tExt MEssagE, “i’VE

arriVEd,” Curiosity ProPEllEd itsElF straight into thE

history books and aMEriCans wErE EagEr to shout it

to thE world.

bull USUonline.com arts

Intellipop

arts38

As you roll your eyes and reach for your cordial, something changes. The soundtrack you’ve been tolerating all night is suspended for 30 seconds or so by an intriguing melody backed by stabs of piano and a downbeat baritone sax. It feels slower, the beat is different.

You come to a sudden realisation. It’s a bloody time signature change. In a pop song. But it’s not ‘Stairway To Heaven’. It’s ‘Round Round’ by Sugababes, and it is brilliant.

You may not have experienced a eureka moment quite like this, but such instances exemplify the way pop music manages to push boundaries every now and then on the sneaky. We might call it ‘intellipop’ – a genre that manages to combine the un-combinable: the spark and catchiness of pop music, and the structural variation and credibility of more alternative genres.

While certain popstars shove their intellect down the listener’s throat with metaphor, social commentary and concept, the most exhilarating intellipop tends to stem not from self-crafted ingénues, but rather manufactured acts and the sonic scientists who fiddle with mixing desk knobs.

‘Round Round’ – which was a solid Top 20 single here, and No. 1 in the UK – is an example of the conscious breaking of every rule upon which the standard pop song is based. The song was written and produced by British outfit Xenomania, and received praise

from rock-centric music publication NME for its “whip-smart rhythms” and indie-esque “if-we-could-be-arsed drawl.” Xenomania’s name refers to an intense obsession with everything foreign, and just about sums up their attitude to pop.

As well as a handful of hits for Sugababes, the production house can also be credited with the odds-defying career of Girls Aloud. Formed on a reality TV show almost a decade ago, Girls Aloud could so easily have gone the way of Bardot or Scandal’us (we will not forget). However, steered by Xenomania they became the most successful girl-group in UK chart history, scoring 20 consecutive Top 10 hits before taking a hiatus to launch largely disappointing solo careers.

The success of Girls Aloud is even more bizarre given their music. It’s pop in essence, and proudly so, but plays with all the structures and lyrical themes we expect from a pop song. Their last Number One, ‘The Promise’, packs seven melodic cells – more than double the standard three - into less than four minutes.

Intellipop has also seen fits and bursts of activity in the US. During her most hedonistic, crazy days, Britney Spears herself got in on the act of producing stupefying, innovative pop. On 2007’s Blackout, which she’s listed as an Executive Producer unlike her other albums, Spears flirted with dubstep a full five years before Bangarang. The sinister, dark sounds that dominate the album paved the way for the rise of Lady Gaga, and caused the album to be named

“the most influential pop album of the past five years” by Rolling Stone. Turn up your noses though you may at the mere mention of Britney, Blackout was described by the indie-loving, pop-loathing Pitchfork as “envelope-pushing…disorientating and thrilling”, and inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Of course, all this raises the question of how these rather bombastic, abnormal pieces of music manage to sit prettily in the Top 10. I know what you’re thinking: “the public will buy anything if it’s marketed well.” Perhaps this is true. Flashes of flesh, tabloid tidbits, multiple costume changes and dance routines executed with varying degrees of accuracy probably play some role in masking innovation in familiarity.

This assumption might underestimate the discerning power of the public, though. Is it not possible that the masses, as well as the popstars themselves, are in on the joke?

The most exciting purveyors of the genre play on pop stereotypes – the manufactured girl-group and the ditzy pop-puppet, for example. They embody them wryly and knowingly, with a literal and/or metaphorical wink-and-nudge routine, and incredibly refreshing results.

Those that lose out, then, are those who cling to notions of traditional credibility, and fail to look past what is admittedly a glamorous and aesthetically pleasing surface.

John rowley is holding out For the bridge.

t he year is 2002. You’re at your school’s bi-annual disco.

The ageing hall is lit half-heartedly by glow sticks and a dusty disco ball, and you’ve just finished dancing sardonically to ‘The Ketchup Song’.You can’t wait to get out of this dump.

during hEr Most hEdonistiC,

Crazy days, britnEy sPEars hErsElF got in

on thE aCt oF ProduCing stuPEFying, innoVatiVE

PoP...sPEars FlirtEd with dubstEP a Full FiVE yEars bEForE

bangarang.

STAMPING GROUNDS FESTIVAL FEAT.OVER REACTOR + GAY PARIS + CASH SAVAGE & THE LAST DRINKS + LITTLE BASTARD + MELODY BLACK + DOC HOLIDAY TAKES THE SHOTGUN + FAIT ACCOMPLI & MANY MORE…

30 SEPT

HIGH ON FIRE (USA)29 SEP

LAGWAGON (USA)+ THE SMITH STREET BAND

1 DEC

MANNINGBAR.COMUSUONLINE.COM

PAUL DIANNO & BLAZE BAYLEYEx IRON MAIDEN VOCALISTS – PERFORMING NOTHING

BUT MAIDEN TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME 30 NOV

DRUNKEN MOON SPRING FESTIVAL FEAT. BROTHERS GRIM & THE BLUE MURDERS + GAY PARIS + JACKSON FIREBIRD

+ MOTHER AND SON + HOWLIN’ STEAM TRAIN + PAPA PILKO & THE BINRATS13 OCT

WEDNESDAY 13 (USA)+ DARKC3LL26 OCT

40 bull USUonline.com reviews

reviews

Inspired by a true story, this heart-warming tale follows four young indigenous women as they travel to war-torn Vietnam to sing for American troops. The comedy-drama-musical hybrid is thoroughly enjoyable from start to finish.

What’s great about The Sapphires is its sense of passion and energy. The combination of gentle humour and frequent musical performances of toe-tapping 1960s soul hits – masterfully led by Jessica Mauboy – keeps the film bright and bubbly despite the ever present overtones of Australian racism and the Stolen Generation. The upbeat approach keeps these issues accessible to audiences of all ages, and, far from having a trivialising effect, keeps the film from being immersed in an all too depressing funk.

The film also benefits greatly from its casting. Veteran actress Deborah Mailman steals the show, carrying many of the film’s dramatic scenes, while Chris O’Dowd’s performance as the group’s bumbling Irish manager is as charming as it is poignant, providing an outsider’s perspective on Australian culture. The script’s jokes don’t always hit the mark, but O’Dowd’s comedic timing and sensibilities more than compensate for these minor weaknesses.

If you only see one Australian film this year, this is it.

rob north*****

FilM the sapphires wAYne BlAiR

You might not have heard of Frank Ocean yet, but he’s already worked with the crème de la crème of the American music industry: Beyoncé, John Legend, Jay-Z, Kanye West…and Justin Bieber. Now, on his debut album Channel Orange, Ocean exhibits a musical breadth rare on a first innings.

It’s tempting to pigeonhole Ocean into the R&B box, but Channel Orange feels more diverse than this tag would suggest. The track ‘Sweet Life’ lands somewhere between latter-day Kanye West and Amy Winehouse’s early, care-free moments, and ‘Thinkin Bout You’ is reminiscent of the subtle sensuality of Ocean’s work on Beyoncé’s last album. ‘Pyramids’ is difficult to pin down in one sentence – suffice to say it clocks in at ten minutes and makes for truly fascinating listening.

Whether intentional or not, a thread that binds the album’s diverse sounds is the employment of uncommon, even confusing structures. The sparseness of the production on many tracks is equally refreshing. Another mark of consistency is Ocean’s evocative voice; his upper register particularly is evocative of Stevie Wonder.

Amidst this mélange of influences and sounds, one factor detracts from the whole. Four interludes, each well under 90 seconds, help flesh things out, but add little to the musical side of things.

John rowley*****

albuM channel orange FRAnK oceAn

gig the british beat FAcToRY THeATRe

Listening to The British Beat, you couldn't be blamed for failing to realise that their two-tone mix of punk anger with sweet Jamaican ska was a powerful political statement in poverty-stricken 1980s Birmingham. On reflection, songs about Thatcher and throwing bricks at Nazis could provide a hint or two, but it's hard when you're in the midst of uncontainable happy music.

At their Sunday night gig, most of the crowd were in their fifties, still dressed in their Rude Boy finery and delighted to moonstomp and skank their way back to their youth. Everyone was frown-flippingly buoyant and refreshingly engaged in the music, perhaps a result of the ban on filming - lead singer Dave Wakeling described the previous night’s gig as “amateur film hour.”

Wakeling was the only surviving member of the original line-up. Leading man Ranking Roger left to make another Beat revival band. Replacement lead Antonee First Class injected young blood into the sound. Keys player Kevin Lum looked approximately twelve and a half, and the saxophonist was certainly not Jamaican-born octogenarian Saxa, but the music was still exceptionally tight.

After the show, the band jumped into the crowd to shake hands with the fans. There's no better underscoring of The Beat’s message of unity and happiness.

JiM Fishwick*****

Fashion c.o. collection coTTon on

At the annual Mercedes Benz Fashion Festival, big daddy Cotton On debuted its ‘C.O. by Cotton On’ Collection. After 20 years of grey tees, cropped tees, hipster-print tees, sleeveless tees, and those hilarious Von Trapp hats, it was time for them to branch out for the greater good of fashion.

Think silk tees, sheer tees, pineapple tees, comic print tees and no tees on the sexy Stenmark twins, who strode down the runway in nothing but tight, white Y-fronts. That said, an impressive tribe of leggy and recognisable model faces did their best to stay glued in their $39.95 heels and gain as much hip-sway as possible despite being sewn into their high-waisted pastel jeans.

To give the Aussie giant credit, the collection was a good starting point for future walks of fashion, perhaps even starting a new market segment filled with trend-obsessed 15-18 year olds who want to replicate Parisian chic here in Sydney. Should you buy it? Certainly – particularly if you're used to wearing black. Drink your dose of art-teacher styling before the Made in China tag falls off, after which it will last three months as a headscarf, and another two as a handkerchief. Nobody ever saw such a fabulous handkerchief.

Margaret Zhang*****

41

The question everyone’s been asking lately is: who will Cameron choose, Lara or Bridget? But let’s back up a bit and work out why that’s the question on everyone’s mind. What sets this series apart from the many other Gossip Girl meets Skins projects we’ve all watched, heard of, or co-written?

The first thing anyone will notice about SYD2030 is the sheer polish of the production value. For what is essentially a student project shot on a shoestring budget, the team at Cheese on Toast Productions have somehow produced a glossy visual quality that wouldn’t look out of place on a commercially syndicated drama (and might even be an improvement on some sitcoms).

Of course, like any show about young people making poor decisions, SYD2030 features a cast attractive enough to convince its viewers to care about the minor events in the lives of these fictional strangers. The show centres on male lead/heartthrob/occasional douchebag Cameron (Abe Mitchell) and his choice between two women: Bridget (Tatjana Alexis), the sultry brunette, and Lara (Laura Benson), the passionate blonde. Antiquated gender roles aside, I did find myself at times genuinely drawn in by this love triangle.

Unfortunately, the acting in the early episodes is too wooden to immediately hook viewers who aren’t already partial to the “glitz and glamour tragidramady” genre (a genre I admittedly just made up). But like any good group project at university, a few people step up early on to get the others into gear: the free-spirited Frankie (Sophie Luck) and the irreverent Leon (George Harrison Xanthis) provide both comic and endearing “side stories”, and believable performances throughout the rocky first half of the season.

The long-awaited series finale was recently made available online. Entitled ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ the episode sets out to tie up all the loose ends left by the show: will Christopher get into uni, will Frankie’s relationship with her tutor blow up in their faces, and of course, will Cameron go to America with Bridget or Lara? Without giving too much away, all but one of these questions are given satisfactory answers. The production team shines through again with crisp, engaging scenes shot at Sydney airport and the whole thing ends on a tantalizing cliff hanger, much like this review.

The best way to watch SYD2030 is to remember that it is, in essence, a student project. A student project that has been rapidly thrust into the international spotlight and risen to the occasion with aplomb and maybe just a bit of pretension. If this sort of series is the kind of thing that floats your parents’ yacht, then it’s worth a look.

Mason Mccann*****

issue 07 reviews

web series

SYD2030Suzie Smith

classic countdownWeird AwardsxiAoRAn SHi iS THe cHAmPion oF inAne liSTS, 2012.

5iG noBel PRiZeS Remember when Barack Obama accepted the Nobel Peace Prize shortly before he issued an order to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan? It’s moments like these that the Ig Nobel Prize seeks to thrust into the limelight. The

brainchild of U.S. scientific humour magazine Annals of Improbable Research, the Ig Nobel satirises bizarre and trifling achievements in scientific and other fields of research. Take, for example, last year’s Medicine Prize winner: a study examining the effects of a strong urge to urinate on decision-making. The result? Sometimes bad, sometimes good. Well, I never...

4 DARwin AwARDS To those who don’t believe characters like Homer Simpson exist in the real world, get thee to the nearest computer and prepare to be amazed by some of the utterly stupefying acts of gross idiocy that have been unleashed upon

the world. The Darwin Awards aim to acknowledge individuals who have selflessly contributed to human evolution by removing themselves from the gene pool via reckless stupidity, which either results in death or sexual impotence. Last year’s winner, a Brisbane man, fell to his death after enacting the meme of “planking” on a balcony railing (#aussiepride).

3PiGASUS AwARDS It is a truth universally acknowledged that pigs don’t fly, yet faith in the existence of a causative relationship between planetary alignment and human behaviour persists. There’s no harm in pretending to contemplate the

mX crossword when you’re actually memorising your horoscope, but when the United States Air Force funds research into the “conveyance of persons by psychic means,” it’s probably time to call Ghostbusters. Announced on April Fools’ Day each year, the Pigasus was created to expose supernatural charlatanism, with Nostradamus and the Oprah Winfrey Show previously receiving accolades.

2BAD Sex in FicTion AwARD Since the dawn of time, Homo sapiens have been preoccupied with one thing: sex. On billboards, television and our minds, the procreative deed is a spectre haunting goddamned everything. Literary sex can be red hot or

fifty shades of grey, and the literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction Award is dedicated to highlighting the worst of the worst. A special mention must be made to John Updike whose career specialising in cringe-worthy sex scenes was finally granted the recognition it deserves with a Lifetime Achievement Award.

1eRnie AwARDS Drawing on the essence of what Australians do best, the Ernies serve to parody the landscape of sexism in our antipodean utopia. Only within the context of the Ernies is Tony Abbott able to rightfully consider himself a “winner” so many

years in a row; the Clinton Award for repeat offenders has been granted exclusively to Liberal leaders with the exception of one year. And fear not, St. Paul’s College, you have not been forgotten. Where would misogyny be without you? The Sydney Uni college won the 2010 title for their “Define Statutory” Facebook group.

42

intErFaith arts night, a slaMMin’ End For thE wEEk.

nEithEr Can liVE whilE thE othEr surViVEs.

caught on caMpus

interFaith week: 03-07 septeMber

p rovided by USU, the second annual Interfaith Week was a vibrant celebration of faith diversity on campus. Opened by

NSW Governor, Professor Marie Bashir AC, CVO, Interfaith Week was launched with an Aboriginal Smoking Ceremony and reached its height on Wednesday’s Faith Fair, which featured live music, a free tarot reader, kosher BBQ and haunted house.

bull USUonline.com caught on caMpus

caught on caMpus

iMagEs takEn by lawrEnCE Muskitta

watChing thE wElCoME to Country.

rEligious lEadErs talk that sExy talk.

i donno, it looks PrEtty sCary bro

Ello, goV'na.

do thE MujEw

bad habits? thEy ain’t got nun.

a sMokin’ start to intErFaith wEEk.

struMMin’ to thE bEat.

43

club hub

Seek and You Will Find

Nitwit, Blubber, Oddment, Tweak! Now that I have the attention of all the Harry Potter fans reading this

(and perhaps the slightly perturbed attention of everyone else), we can proceed to discover one of the newest, daring and eccentric societies on campus – Sydney University Quidditch Society. (or SUQS for short - yes they are well aware...).

lovelle d’souZa dusts oFF her niMbus 2000 and takes to the…uh ground.

unrEal Clubs If wizarding sport isn’t your thing but you still fancy a little fantasy, these societies might be more for you:

Anime SocieTY This is a society committed to expounding the joys of anime – a distinctive Japanese-style of animation (think Pokémon, Dragonball Z and then countless more recent and probably higher quality shows to be discovered). This is achieved through weekly lunchtime screenings of recent anime, BBQs, laser tag and karaoke. Perfect for those who enjoy the occasional Pokémon pun, as well as long time anime junkies who want to get involved in the community at Sydney.

DiSneY APPReciATion SocieTY Another brand-squeaking new society, this is another one for the nostalgia lovers, followers of the “Hukuna Matata” life philosophy and those who cannot fathom how Disney songs are so catchy! Bonding over Disney is the name of the game, and to this end, afternoon teas combined with Disney film screenings, a Disney Ball and other themed parties are planned throughout the semester. Check their Facebook group for more details and to join in the merriment.

cReATive AnAcHRoniSTS SocieTY If you’re on a quest for a society with a history, then feast your eyes on the offerings of the Creative Anachronists Society – a legitimate opportunity to brew your own mead, or engage in full-armed combat. In this medieval reenactment society, women discuss their hand-woven garments and men engage in fiery sword combat. The Creative Anachronists Society reconfirms that chivalry, nobility and distressed damsels are alive and thriving at Sydney University.

issue 07 club hub

Described by its founders as a society simultaneously dedicated to all that is social, sporty and Harry Potter, it is a perfect fit for those Muggles who, as kids, yearned not to play soccer or netball but dreamt of glory earned whilst flying on a broomstick and were legitimately disappointed when they didn’t get a Hogwarts acceptance letter.

The society was established in June this year by a group of friends, including first year Arts/Law student Liv Ronan, now President of the society. The impetus for forming SUQS came in response to the unbelievable fact that there are seven other teams operating in NSW and none at USYD, despite the uncannily Hogwarts-esque appearance of the Quad and an entire Harry Potter generation present on campus.

As far as the Quidditch games go, it aims to stay true to the format of the sport as fans of the books and films will know it – involving the key positions (Chasers, Beaters, Keeper and the much coveted Seeker role), as well as featuring the four quintessential balls with personalities of their own (the vicious Bludgers, elusive Snitch and Quaffle). Basically like the real thing, with much less permanent injury. Sadly at this stage, flying broomsticks are

just a theoretical possibility – but there’s an incentive as good as they come for a budding inventor to develop one and give UYSD the competitive edge!

Until that time, members of the society can improve their Quidditch prowess at internal competitions, as well as open training and a rule-learning session to hone the fine skills and techniques that the game demands. The Potters, Krums and Weasleys in our midst will also have the opportunity to represent the USYD League in intervarsity competitions, for instance the Triwizard Tournament with UNSW (which goes by the ingenious moniker ‘Snapes on a Plane’), Macquarie and UWS. Another highlight of the Quidditch calendar are the national competitions, particularly QUAFL, which stands for Quidditch Universities of Australia Federation League and will be held at USYD on 1-2 December.

However, it isn’t all running madly on a pitch in robes, there are plenty of socials planned, with regular butter beer drinks, screenings of big Muggle games (for instance World Cup Finals), and an annual Yule Ball in the works.

In short: ‘Accio goodtimes!’

usubullmag@gmail.com

45issue 07 stop. puZZletiMe

45

stop. puZZletiMe

SUDoKU

Create as many words of 4 letters or more using the given letters once only but always including the middle letter. Do not use proper names or plurals. See if you can find the 9-letter word using up all letters.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

wHeel w

oRDS

Hard 7001© Lovatts Publications

3 9 4 5 82 1 6

3 8 5 22 81 7 6 3

4 1 89 2 7 4 5

1 7 6 9 4 8 3 5 23 9 4 7 2 5 1 6 85 8 2 1 3 6 9 7 47 3 8 6 5 9 4 2 16 2 9 3 1 4 5 8 74 1 5 8 7 2 6 3 92 5 7 4 6 1 8 9 39 6 1 2 8 3 7 4 58 4 3 5 9 7 2 1 6

Rating:

Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

After sell-out shows across Australia in 2011 (including breaking the record in Sydney for Australia’s largest festival EVER), Stereosonic 2012 is back for another tour and to unofficially mark the start of Summer by showcasing the finest acts in electronic music at the best venues in Australia. Stereosonic is Australia’s largest electronic music festival and will feature some of the world’s most talented acts, including: Tiësto, Avicii, Calvin Harris, Example, Carl Cox, Major Lazer, Laidback Luke, Martin Solveig, Dash Berlin, Markus Schulz, Diplo, Sander van Doorn, Infected Mushroom, Chuckie, Flux Pavilion and many more! Australia, get ready for your biggest festival to explode in 2012!

WIN A DOUBLE PASS to attend Stereosonic at Sydney Olympic Park on 24 November.To enter, simply send your name and details to usubullmag@usu.usyd.edu.au by 12 October. The winner will be drawn and notified on 15 October. Good Luck!

For more details check out their website www.stereosonic.com.au

win a double pass to stereosonic 2012!win!

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46 bull USUonline.com bull pen

Know YoUR limiTSdo Understand the effects of drugs. No one wants to see you tripping balls and furiously making out with your partner a few inches from their face for the duration of a set.

do Schedule time for toilet breaks. If you know there’s a row of bands you’re hanging out to see, cut your losses early and leave the mosh. Don’t be the next guy or girl to end up on YouTube ‘sprouting a leak’ in the middle of the pit.

don’t Consume too much alcohol. You might not realise how much you’re swaying or how much alcohol you’re spilling, but those around you now bathed in the sweet stench of overpriced beer sure will.

don’t Take on more than you can handle. If you’re new to the scene, don’t make it your mission to get to the absolute front of the pit. If you do, be prepared to have a surge of bodies thrust towards you at the first strum of that opening riff.

GRoominGdo Tame your wild locks. Unless Willow Smith happens to be in town, those around you in the mosh probably don’t want to see you whip your hair back and forth, nor do they want to inadvertently end up with your sweaty hair in their mouth.

do Try and keep your clothes on. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, and instinctively you might feel the urge to strip off, but chances are no one wants to rub up against your shirtless self. Pop it back on mate.

THe BASicSdon’t Try to capture every moment of the performance on your phone. As comedian and all-round good guy Tom Ballard said,

“YouTube does not need another awful, grainy, shaky documentation of The Living End singing ‘Prisoner Of Society’ uploaded by LivingEndFan69.”

don’t Light up in the mosh. Whether you’re after your tobacco fix or looking to toke up during that really trippy Tame Impala song, be mindful that those around you might not want a cigarette-sized hole branded into their flesh.

don’t Push to the front. No, you don’t have to find your little brother, and your friends aren’t ‘just up there’. You’ll be a good enough judge of the crowd and if you’re not sure, just check for scowls and death stares on the faces of those around you.

don’t Spend the duration of the day perched on someone’s shoulders. There are countless others around you who paid good money to stare at something other than your arse crack.

the bull pen

So you’ve caught wind of the line-up, sat eagerly refreshing your

web browser, and forfeited groceries for a couple of weeks to scrounge up enough cash to make your way to one of Australia’s most beloved and heinously overpriced pastimes: the music festival.

As we prepare to roll into the summer festival circuit and be graced by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Killers, Blondie and blink-182, there’s only one place you’ll want to be: sweating it out at with the best of them at Big Day Out, Soundwave and Homebake. When you’re desperately hoping that the band you’ve been gagging to see will play that ultra rare B-side that you fell in love with eight years ago, the last thing you want to worry about is the people around you. Whether you’re a novice, a dabbler or a seasoned professional, here’s a list of festival etiquette that’ll keep you from being ‘that guy’ this season.

Festival EtiquetteeMily claire swanson says don’t do what donny don’t does.

undErstand thE EFFECts oF drugs. no onE wants to sEE

you triPPing balls and Furiously Making out

with your PartnEr a FEw inChEs FroM thEir FaCE

For thE duration oF a sEt.

TICKETS: For comedy and DJ Tom Loud $10/$15/$20 (Access/Student/General)Tom Loud only FREE/$5 (Access/General)Available at the ACCESS desk in Manning and online www.oztix.com.au | www.vergeartsfestival.com

FEATURING:

AXIS OF AWESOME DJ TOM LOUD | SMART CASUAL | GEN FRICKER

Hosted By BRIDIE CONNELL

TOM LOUD HOT DUB TIME MACHINE from approx. 9pm

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZA

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZA

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZA

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZA

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZA

COMEDY

DANCEPARTY

EXTRAVAGANZAFriday 12 October 7pm | VERGE FESTIVAL DOME

SUPER FUN Unaffiliated 4-YEAR SPORTSTRAVAGANZA

THEATRESPORTS

R

Fri 5 Oct 7pm Verge Festival Dome

Entry: Free!

www.vergeartsfestival.com

VERGE OPENING NIGHT PARTY

VERGE OPENING NIGHT PARTY

FeatURING:

Richard

In Your Mind

Tin Can Radio

Band Comp Winners

Beat The System

WHEN: Wed 3 Oct 7pm

where: verge f

estival dom

e

entry: free

!

prizes for

spookiest

costume!

www.vergeartsfestival.com

- o d y s s e y -h e r m e s 2 0 1 2

L A U N C H4.30-6pm / Thursday October 11 / Verge Gallery

www.usuonline.com/Publications/Hermes