What happens when your

…meets ..

My childnever lies!!

Brain

the a

ngry

par

ent.

But 1st, …. … a brief review of neurophysiology

The Triune

Brain

Brainstem (Reptilian Brain)

Cortex (Human Brain)Limbic System (Mammalian Brain)

The Three Me’s; All Fighting to Be

And it is not just men

“People regress under stress or when angry”

Spinal Cord

Cervical

Midbrain

Pons

Temporal Lobe

Diencephalon & basal ganglia

Frontal Lobe

Thoracic

Lumbar

Sacral

Cerebellum

Occipital lobe

Parietal lobe

Central Sulcus

Brainstem

Medulla

Limbic

What’s the brain’s primary

purpose?

Is there any problem with

that?

differentiate between purely psychological threats and fully real threats.

“It is just amatter of degree”

Your does not

Yes, there is!

HippocampusAmygdala

Limbic System (Mammalian Brain)

Natures Built-in Alarm System

The Amygdala

Fight Or

Part of the Limbic System

Anger is energizing part of this systemAnger

• At the core of the social neural network.• Organizes & appraises history of sig. past interpersonal encounters

• Source of prejudice, gender bias, love at 1st sight projections• Amygdala colors sensory info with feelings

* Tend or Befriend

The Amygdala

Central Part of Limbic System

• over reactive in panic attacks and PTSD

Connections to:

Hypothalamus(BP / heart rate)

Trigeminal nerve(facial display of fear)

Etc., etc.

Reticulo Puntis Caudalis (startle reflex)

Fun facts :• fully operational @ birth • one trauma can mark it for life

• It is an almond-shaped communications hub deep in the brain

Essential part of “Rage” circuit of brain

*

Amygdala

• Amygdala linked with other brain structures (e.g. orbital frontal cortex, thalamus) which have been implicated in emotional processing • Overactive amygdala could be sign of “excitotoxicity”, a lethal kind of overactivity that kills cells. • Amygdala also involved in emotional memory• Men's & women's amygdalas respond differently to emotional situations. • Men have an increase in glucose metabolism on amygdala's right side; women on left side• Whole brain has different patterns of response in men versus women

More fun facts :

Hippo_campus

• Studies of adults with PTSD from combat / child abuse show hippcampi to be smaller than normal

• Helps “explicit” memory• Reality testing• Inhibition of amygdala

Hippocampus rich in Glucocorticoids (GC) receptors, has negative feedback role with adrenal gland to inhibit GC production, if hippocampus detects too many GC’s, it then sends a message via the hypothalamus or pituitary to adrenal gland to slow down GC production

Comes on-line at 4 - 5 years of age.

Fight or

Body’s response:• Energy is mobilized via increased cardiovascular

& muscular tone

• Increased levels of glucocorticoids, epinephrine,

and endogenous opioids

• Digestion, growth, immune responses inhibited

When in

Acute - can hurt cardiovascular system

vs

Chronic - can weaken immune system

However, prolonged arousal of negative emotion (such as anger) leads to negative stress

When stressed:

1. Adrenal glands release epinephrine (aka adrenaline) > heart rate > breathing rate2. Adrenal glands release cortisol & other gluco- corticoids > converts sugar to energy3. Nerve cells release nor- epinephrine > muscle tension > senses sharpen < digestion

• Too much (glucocorticoids) hurts immune system

• Too much epinephrine can damage arteries

Fast response Brain Circuits

Slow response Brain Circuits

• Action taken in microseconds• Good for immediate survival• Frontal lobe / cortex by-passed• “Burn the furniture” mode • Primitive brain rules• Emotion rules• No room for error• No role for will power• Instincts and past trauma• Dumb • Implicit (isolated)• Taxon memory system

• Action taken in seconds to years • Good for long-term survival• Entire assets of brain available• Balance between current/future needs• Higher centers normally prevail• Emotion & reason work together• Room for error• Great role for will power• Sum total of life experiences• Smart• Explicit (fully contextualized)• Locale memory system

Looking at inside view of the right hemisphere

Frontal Lobe

• Self-Direction

• Goal Directedness

• Self-Regulartion

• Response Selection

• Response Inhibition

Components of Executive Control

inferior orbital prefrontal area (inside view, right half of brain)

Functions of the Frontal

Lobe

Frontal Lobe = Separates us the most from all other animals

First to shut down with strong emotion or drugs

inferior orbital prefrontal area (inside view)

• forward thinking• impulse control • self-monitoring & supervision • problem solving • critical thinking • forward thinking • learning from experience & mistakes

PREFRONTAL CORTEX SYSTEM The most evolved brain system

• empathy • planning• judgment• perseverance• attention span • critical thinking• organization

• influences the limbic system • ability to feel & express emotions

F U N C T I O N S

Tour is Over

What’s this have to due with parental ire?

• Reptilian brain just about physical survival and survival of the species

• Mammalian brain is all of that and concerned about survival of relationships

• Human brain is all of that and concerned with survival of concepts and identity

What’s this have to due with parental ire? (con’t)

• A raging parent drops through all three levels – Cortex speaking “The principal is not being reasonable

nor is she/he valuing my opinion”– Limbic system speaking “This school doesn’t care

about my kid!”– Reptilian “Your under attack, fight back now. Win at

all costs.”

• Limbic dominated• Frontal lobe unavailable• Fight or take flight• Illogical• Generalizes quickly

• Limbic influenced• Frontal lobe available• Problem – solve• Appears logical to self• Generalizes slowly

Rage versus Resentment

Anger Reduction Techniques for Self

• Focus on breathing other bodily states and wait it out• Don’t ruminate (mental/physical catharsis way over rated)• Don’t bang on a pillow• Use distraction requiring intense concentration for hot phase • Write down topic to be addressed following hot phase • Find a trusted friend who doesn’t give cheap agreement

– Dangerous to simply seek agreement for your perceived victimization• Review purpose of anger (to motivate pursuit of change )• Review dangers of anger (loss of problem-solving skills)• Pray for thy enemies

•

Reduction Techniques for others • If parent enraged, it is too early to problem-solve

• Do periodic gut check on how “hooked” or “ego-involved” you are

• Gently address issue of parent’s anger level– “It seems as if this situation makes you quite angry.” – “I’d love to work on this situation with you, do feel we can have that

discussion now or would it be better to wait.”• Stay out of other’s personal space• Backup (metaphorically speaking) until you reach common

ground – “Can we agree that we both want Johnny to succeed.”

• Validate concerns when possible– “I guess if I felt no one was concerned about my child, I too would be

upset.”

Characteristics of Resentment

“ Natural function of resentment is to keep in consciousness a relationship that is in trouble”

(e.g. We tend to think about significant others most often when we feel resentment towards them,

otherwise we tend to focus on matters at hand)

1. Resentment is the distance between the way the world is and the way you want it to be.2. Has to be addressed one resentment at a time.3. Best treatment is to move into your core value.4. Resentment makes unimportant things important

1. Angry people view cooperation as submission to powers greater than themselves.

(however, with assistance they could reframe same situation as making contribution to a cause greater than themselves)

2. Makes them feel vulnerable, devalued and powerless .

3. Anger provides energy and motivation to protect, move into battle and restore value, but often unsuccessful if not done correctly.

Core Values• Life force (you are born with it), infants need to be valued and to express value• Everybody has builtin desire to connect• All have desire to build, correct, heal (motivational state)

• Not typically felt as an separate emotion • Valuing is an empowered state (you don’t feel powerlessness)• Anger is un-empowered state

• Real power is acting in your own best interest• People who feel powerless/devalued are most likely to get angry• My well-being is dependent on you doing something• You try to control your own emotions by controlling others• But compassionate behavior makes you feel more powerful• Power struggles means somebody has to be humiliated (and subsequently devalued) which keeps the cycle going• Core hurts not simply something bad, but offer guidance

Value Feel better

Feel Worse

• 1. Story of helping a child dying in the desert.• 2. You are in touch with your core values while helping that child.• 3. Make 8 boxes on one piece of paper and respond to core value block below

Core Value exercise to build one’s core values

Close eyes to enter right hemisphere (allows better use of imagination)

Most importantthing about you as a person.

What is the most important thing about the relationship with the person for whom you hold resentment .

What in natureis beautiful orholds value for you

List somethingMan-make that gives emotional response

Values can’t all have

same level of importance. If stuck,

“Work the Why’s”

Write names of everybody you love & picture their faces

Groups whose values/beliefs you share

What’s bigger than you &holds spiritual significance

3 compassionate things you have done

Core Value Blocks

Page 1

• 4. Think of somebody you are resenting of late. • 2. Go to your core value blocks below and review each one.• 3. This should block the resentment in your mind. Your brain prefers valuing, but many people are in habit of devaluing

Core Value exercise (Continued)

What is the most important thing about the relationship for the person with whom you hold resentment .

Whatis beautiful /holds value for you

Somethingmake by a personthat you have anemotional response to

Write names of everybody you love & picture their faces

Something that has a communal (not personal) connection for you (you sharevalues/important with the group)

Your spiritualbeliefs

3 compassionate things you have done

Core Value Blocks

Page 2

Most importantthing about you as a person.