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Bouncing Back:Rewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Cape Cod InstituteAugust 4-8, 2014Bouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765All the world is full of suffering.

It is also full of overcoming.

- Helen KellerBoundin videoAll the world is full of suffering.

It is also full of overcoming.

- Helen KellerSufferingExternal stressorsInternal stressorsStress responseResilience cope and bounce backSurvival responsesFight-flight-freeze-appeaseShut down, numb out, collapseResilienceHardiness

Coping

FlexibilityHardinessCapacities of determination and grit

Capacities to last, to endure

Capacities to persevere, to follow through

FlexibilityAdaptability, capacity to shift gears

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.- Charles DarwinCopingFace and deal with disappointments, difficulties, even disasters

Bounce back from troubles, from adversity, from the unexpected, from the truly awfulResilienceDeal with challenges and crisesBounce back from adversityRecover our balance and equilibriumFind refuges and maximize resourcesCope skillfully, flexibly, adaptivelyShift perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning and purpose6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCourageCalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

CompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpCare, concern for problems and blocks that de-rail resilienceEmpathy, compassion for feelings and suffering of self, othersSkillful behaviors in response to difficulties and differencesClarityFocused attention on present moment experienceImproves cognitive functioningSelf-awareness, self-reflectionShifting perspectivesDiscerning optionsChoose wise actionsConnections to ResourcesPeople, Places Practices

Counter-balance brains negativity biasStrengthen inner secure baseAccess resourcesCompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.CourageUsing signal anxiety as cue to:

Try something newTake risksMove resilience beyond personal selfEvolution of Human BrainReptilian brainstem

Mammalian limbic

Human - cortexAvoidBrainstem assess safety-danger

Limbic automatic survival responsesFight-flight-freezeShut down, numb out, collapse

Cortex strategies for withdrawal, limits and boundaries, defensesApproach Brainstem seek pleasure/reward

Limbic seek protection and comfort

Cortex seek empathy, understanding, validation; conscious reflection, choicesAttachBrainstem social engagement system

Limbic fear-attachment-exploration motivational system; emotional valence of experience

Cortex regulate emotions; rules of relationship, social-emotional intelligence

Attachment kindles maturation of pre-frontal cortexAttachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is avoidant of people and emotions, withdrawn, compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is clingy, needy, compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is paralysis, fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaPre-Frontal CortexExecutive center of higher brainEvolved most recently makes us humanDevelopment kindled in relationshipsMatures the latest 25 years of ageMost integrative structure of brainEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityEvolutionary legacyGenetic templatesFamily of origin conditioningNorms-expectations of culture-society

Who we are and how we cope.is not our fault.- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindGiven neuroplasticityAnd choices of self-directed neuroplasticity

Who we are and how we copeis our responsibility

- Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindModern Brain ScienceThe field of neuroscience is so new,we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknownbut into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D. Neuroscience of ResilienceNeuroscience technology is 20 years old

Meditation improves attention and impulse control; shifts mood and perspective; promotes healthOxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a minuteKindness and comfort, early on, protects against later stress, trauma, psychopathologyNeuroplasticityGreatest discovery of modern neuroscienceGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresThe brain changes itself - lifelongThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativeNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesGratitude practice, listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion, self-acceptanceCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiringInstall new pattern of responseRe-conditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveNeurons fall apart, rewireNew rewires oldModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningDe-ConditioningDefault networkDe-focusing, loosens gripCreates mental play spaceCan open to worry, ruminationCan open to plane of open possibilitiesBrain makes new links, associationsNew insights, new behaviors

Practices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeKindness is more important than wisdom,And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom.- Theodore RubinNeuroscience of EmpathyEmotional communication is 93% non-verbalSocial engagement system Dyadic regulationFusiform gyrus regulates amygdalaVagal brakeRestores equilibriumMindfulness and CompassionAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Attention circuit and resonance circuit

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibilityIntegrationReflectionSee clearlyResonanceEmbrace wholeheartedly

May I meet this moment fully;May I meet it as a friend.

ConditioningNeurons that fire together wire together.- Donald Hebb

ConditioningBrainstem: No! Yes.Limbic: The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhDCortex: Attachment patterns of responseIntelligencesSomatic - body-based, rewire traumaEmotional - from survival responses to thrivingRelational - heal heartache, access havens and resources, navigate peopled worldReflective conscious awareness; catch the moment, make a choiceNew ConditioningStrengthen pre-frontal cortexBrain more resilientBrain more receptiveWe are more resilientCues to Practice - ANTS to PATSIdentify habitual negative pattern of responseIdentify new, positive response to counter/replaceIdentify cue word or phrase to name negative and positiveCriticism - CompassionUse cue to break automaticity and change the channelRepeat the practice as many times as necessaryRe-conditioningResource with memory of someones compassion toward youEvoke compassion for your selfEvoke memory of someone being critical of you (or inner critic)Hold awareness of criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awarenessDrop the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate momentWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfDe-ConditioningImaginationGuided visualizationsGuided meditationsReverie, daydreamsBrain plays, makes own associations and links, connect dots in new waysReflect on new insightsWiser SelfImagine being in your safe placeImagine meeting your Wiser Self who embodies all of your best qualities and strengthsAsk your Wiser SelfHow did you come to be wise, happy, content?What did you have to overcome?Listen to words of advice for your journeyReceive object to remember Wiser Self byBouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765Bouncing Back:Rewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Somatic Intelligence

Cape Cod InstituteAugust 4-8, 2014CalmManage disruptive emotions

Tolerate distress

Down-regulate stress to return to baseline equilibrium

Keep Calm and Carry OnSerenity is not freedom from the storm

but peace amidst the storm.

- author unknownWindow of ToleranceSNS explore, play, create, produce. ORFight-flight-freeze

Baseline physiological equilibriumCalm and relaxed, engaged and alertWINDOW OF TOLERANCERelational and resilientEquanimity

PNS inner peace, serenity. ORNumb out, collapseHand on the HeartTouch oxytocin safety and trustDeep breathing parasympatheticBreathing ease into heart centerBrakes on survival responsesCoherent heart rateBeing loved and cherishedOxytocin direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolOxytocinHormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connectBrains direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolCan pre-empt stress response altogether

A single exposure to oxytocin can create a lifelong change in the brain. Sue Carter, PhDTouchHand on heart, hand on cheekHead rubs, foot rubsMassage back of neckHold thumb as inner childHugs 20 second full bodiedCalm through the BodyHand on the HeartBody ScanProgressive Muscle RelaxationMovement OppositeCalm Friendly Body ScanAwarenessBreathing gently into tensionHello! and gratitudeRelease tension, reduce traumaProgressive Muscle RelaxationBody cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time

Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15

Focused attention calms the mindCalm through MovementBody inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40 secondsBody moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)Body finds posture in the middle (30 secondsReflect on experiencePower posing Amy Cuddy TED talk67CompassionRespond to pain and suffering with open heart, interested mind, willingness to helpMindful Self-Compassion:Keep heart open and mind engaged when dealing with difficult events and difficult emotions that arise is response to eventsPractice not to feel better but because we feel bad

Self-CompassionThreat-protection systemCortisol drivenPleasure-reward systemDopamine drivenCaregiving-soothing-comfort systemOxytocin driven

Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindSelf-CompassionPowerful and immediate antidote to self-criticism, self-loathingMore effective in restoring well-being than self-esteemPractice not to feel better but because we feel badTreat ourselves with care and understanding rather than harsh judgmentPutting own oxygen mask on first when other people are not aroundCompassion leads to calm leads to clarityEmotional support needed for change and growthSelf-Compassion - ResearchNormalize vulnerability as part of human conditionNot weak or selfish; powerful motivator out of care and wishes for well-beingLess anxiety, depression, stress, rumination, shame, fear of failureGreater responsibility for past mistakesMore self-confidence and resilienceCompassion for Others - SelfRemember moment of receiving compassion and care from anotherRemember moment of offering compassion and care to anotherEvoke felt sense of sending/receiving compassion in your bodyWhen flow of compassion open heart - is steadyPlace yourself in flow of compassion, care, concern; send compassion to your selfSelf-Compassion BreakNotice-recognize: this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts! This is hard!Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheekOh sweetheart!Self-empathyI care about my own suffering, me as experiencerDrop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and careMay I meet this moment fully; may I meet it as a friendSelf-Compassion Break, cont.My pain is the pain; Im not the only oneKindness to self: May I be safe; May I be peaceful; May I be free of fear; May I be free of shame; May I accept myself just as I am; May I know this, too, will pass; May I know I can be skillful hereChoose wisely: re-direct, shift the channel; practice gratitude, metta; share pain with caring other; notice coping and easing of sufferingOne for Me; One for YouBreathing in, nourishing, nourishingBreathing out, soothing, soothingIn imagination, nourishing for me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for youOne for me, one for youPractice breathing one for me, one for you when in conversation with someone

CourageYes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking- Tim McMahon

Do One Scary Thing a DayVenture into New or UnknownSomatic marker of Uh, ohDopamine disruptedCross threshold into newSatisfaction, masteryDopamine restoredHuman Brain:Evolutionary Masterpiece100 billion neuronsEach neuron contains the entire human genomeNeurons fire hundreds of time per secondNeurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neuronsTrillions of synaptic connectionsAs many connections in single cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxyPractices as ResourcesYoga, meditation, tai chi, chi gongSleepNutritionMovement-ExerciseLaughterLearn Something NewHanging Out with Healthy BrainsSleepHousekeepingReset nervous systemConsolidate learning

Take mental breaksTake Mental BreaksFocus on something else (positive is good)

Talk to someone else (resonant is good)

Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)

Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue

NutritionLess CaffeineLess SugarMore ProteinMore Water

Movement - ExerciseOxygen brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20% of bodys oxygenEndorphins feel good hormones, brighten the mindBrain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) - grow new brain cells, will migrate to where neededLaughterIncreases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of heart disease and strokeReleases endorphins bodys natural pain killerReduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood pressureTriggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in brainReleases tension in body, balances nervous systemLaughterPromotes work productivityReduces stressPromotes creativity and problem-solvingReduces mistakes, increases efficiency Promotes group cohesionPromotes learning (through play)Eases loss, grief, traumaLaughter YogaLet yourself laugh for 5-15 minutes, Gently at first, then relaxing into a deep belly laughHappy baby pose (dead bug pose)Lying on the floor with your head in someone elses lap; someone elses head in your lap

Learn Something NewSpeak a foreign languagePlay a musical instrumentJugglePlay chessCrossword puzzles when you dont know the wordsHanging Out with Healthy BrainsBrain is social organ; matures and learns best in interactions with other brainsSocial engagement regulates nervous systemResonant interactions prime the brains neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growthConnections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

The Peace of Wild ThingsWhen despair for the world grows in meand I wake in the night at the least soundin fear of what my life and my childrens lives may be,I go and lie down where the wood drakerests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethoughtof grief. I come into the presence of still water.And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a timeI rest in the grace of the world, and am free.- Wendell Berry

One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be seen many scores of night in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.- Rachel Carson

Shifting Perspectives in NatureBELLY BOTANYSelect a one square foot patch of earth. Observe patch from two feet away/above for two minutes.(light and shadow, movement and stillness, beauty and decay, life and death)Shift your view to the larger landscape, all the way to the horizon.Reflect on shift in perspective.Bouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765Bouncing Back:Rewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Emotional Intelligence

Cape Cod InstituteAugust 4-8, 2014EmotionsSignals to take actionAdaptive action tendenciesAnger protest injustice, betrayalSadness pull in comfortFear move away from danger, toxicityGuilt healthy remorse, make amendsJoy expand, connect with others

The Guest House - RumiThis being human is a guest-house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,Some momentary awareness comeAs an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.- Rumi

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.- Carl RogersPositive Emotions-BehaviorsBrain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a speciesLeads to tendency to avoid experiencePositive emotions activate left shift, brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and actionPositive EmotionsGratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy TrustPositive EmotionsLess stress, anxiety, depression, lonelinessMore friendships, social support, collaborationShift in perspectives, more optimismMore creativity, productivityBetter health, better sleepLive on average 7-9 years longerResilience is direct outcomeLeft shiftPositive emotions cause more neural firing in left hemisphere of brainLeft hemisphere more oriented to approach stance toward experience, openness to learningOpenness to learning, flexibility, options = resilienceA hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other people, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving.- Albert EinsteinGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletTake in the GoodNotice: in the moment or in memoryEnrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modalityAbsorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in bodyCircle of SupportCall to mind people who have been supportive of you; who have had your backCurrently, in the past, in imaginationImagine them gathered around you, or behind you, lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in copingImagine your circle of support present with you as you face difficult people or situationsPositivity PortfolioAsk 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of youAssemble phrases on piece of paperTape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purseRead phrases 3 times a day for 30 daysSavor and appreciateConnections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

People as ResourcesAt times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.- Albert SchweitzerShame De-Rails ResilienceShame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change ourselves or others.- Brene Brown, PhDTrue Other to the True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the questions, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDLove makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place.- Zora Neale Hurston

Love guards the heart from the abyss.- MozartJust that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.- Elisha GoldsteinReconditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networks of problematic memoryCause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by:Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms;Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awarenessCauses the falling apart and the rewiring

ReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfBouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765Bouncing Back:Rewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Relational Intelligence

Cape Cod InstituteAugust 4-8, 2014True Other to the True SelfThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhD

To see and be seen: that is the questions, and that is the answer.- Ken Benau, PhDAh, the comfort,The inexpressible comfortOf feeling safe with a person.Having neither to weigh out thoughtsNor words,But pouring them all right out, just as they are,Chaff and grain together;Certain that a faithful handWill take them and sift them;Keeping what is worth keeping and,With the breath of kindness,Blow the rest away.- Dinah Craik

EmpathyI hear you say.I see that you.I sense that youIm touched that you

Rather than I think that you.Resonance CircuitResonance vibe, emotional contagionAttunement felt sense, explicit, non-verbalEmpathy verbal, cognitive, coherent narrativeCompassion concern, caring, helpAcceptance pre-requisite for resilience and lasting changeTheory of MindI know that you can be thinking and feelingsomething completely different from what Im thinking and feeling, and thats OK.Seeing Ourselves as Others See UsImagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionallyImagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the goodImagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.Welcome Them AllWiser Self welcomes to the partycharacters that embody positive and negative parts of the selfwith curiosity and acceptance of the message or gift of each part andhonors each part of the inner committeeRelational IntelligenceReceiving/reaching out for helpSetting limits and boundariesNegotiating changeResolving conflictsRepairing rupturesForgiveness Receiving/Reaching Out for HelpSelf-compassion for human vulnerabilityIdentify behaviors, resources that would be helpfulAsk for help (dont rely on mind-reading)Receive help; take in the goodIf help not available, seek other resourcesSetting Limits and BoundariesPermission to assert request without aggression or collapse; Dance of AngerCultivate mindful empathy for self and otherState values, needs, desiresState the limit and consequences(When practicing, partner accepts limit)

Negotiating ChangeCode to initiate dialogue; agreement to follow protocolSpeaker states topic, then shares experience, progressing from perceptions of behaviors to emotional needs, fears, desiresListener listens; no debate, defense, rebuttalSummary of concern

Negotiating Change, part 2Speaker identifies three behaviors he/she is willing to do to address emotional needsSpeaker identifies three behaviors partner can do to address emotional needsEach chooses one; must be specific, positive, within defined time frameEach acknowledges when other does the new behaviorResolving ConflictsAcknowledge conflictIdentify possible misunderstandings, mis-perceptionsTake responsibility for your part in conflictConvey your responsibility to other; ask them to reflect on their responsibility for their partBrainstorm possible solutions; come to agreementRepairing RupturesFocus on repairing the relationship, not on right v. wrongValue of relationship, motivation to repairMindful empathy for each otherShare experiences, not opinionsConvey understanding of experience, care for personRe-engage from more resonant spaceForgiveness - IFor the many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned myself, out of fear, pain, and confusion, through action or inaction, in thought, word or deed, knowingly or unknowinglyI extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.Forgiveness - IIFor the ways that I have hurt and harmed you, have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusionI ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.Forgiveness - IIIFor the many ways that others have hurt, wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and angerI have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.Forgiveness is not an occasional act;It is a permanent attitude.-Martin Luther King, Jr.Bouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765Bouncing Back:Rewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Reflective Intelligence

Cape Cod InstituteAugust 4-8, 2014Mindfulness and CompassionAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Attention circuit and resonance circuit

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to science; both foster response flexibilityIntegrationReflectionSee clearlyResonanceEmbrace wholeheartedly

May I meet this moment fully;May I meet it as a friend.

MindfulnessFocused attention onpresent moment experiencewithout judgment or resistance.- Jon Kabat-ZinnMindfulness Comes to the WestMindful schoolsMindfulness Based Stress ReductionBusiness 2014 World Economic ForumGovernment Tim Ryan in CongressMilitary post-traumatic stressSports peak performanceCover of Time magazine, February 3, 2014MindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeBetween a stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances.- Viktor FranklNotice and NameIncreasingly complex objects of awareness:Sensations as sensationsEmotions as emotionsCascades of emotions as cascadesThoughts as thoughtsPatterns of thoughts as patterns States of mind as states of mindIdentities, belief systems as identities andMental contents, patterns of neural firingAwareness itself vast sky that storms pass through

Anything is a Cue to PracticeNotice any moment of contractionUse contraction as cue to:Step back, come to centerUse practice to come to equilibriumDiscern options, choose wiselyMindfulnessCatch the moment; make a choice- Janet Friedman

Every moment has a choice;Every choice has an impact.- Julia Butterfly HillAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialDefocusedDefault networkPlane of open possibilitiesMindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of SelfQuantum physics investigates matterMatter is more space than stuffMindfulness investigates ISelf is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfoldingTrue Self is flow of beingnessRest in Simply BeingAwareness of AwarenessInsights, epiphanies, revelations

Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.Love teaches me I am everything.Between the two, my life flows.- Sri Nisargadatta

Pre-Frontal CortexToggles back and forth between focused and defocused modes of processingIntegration of two modes; integration of right and left hemispheres, integration of higher and lower brainDeeper brain functioning; brain itself more reslientConsciousnessTrue NatureWiser SelfAdult SelfInner ChildBrahma ViharasLoving KindnessCompassionSympathetic JoyEquanimityPresenceTo be present is far from trivial. It may be the hardest work in the world. And forget about the may be. It is the hardest work in the world at least to sustain presence. And the most important.- Jon Kabat-ZinnIntentionAnd the day came when the risk it tookTo stay tight inside the budWas more painful than the risk it took to blossom.- Anais NinPerseveranceHow long should you try? Until. - Jim Rohn

The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. author unknown

The greatest oak was once a little nut that held its ground. Author unknown CompetenceEmpowerment and mastery from changing old coping strategies, learning new ones

Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do this.You cant stop the waves,But you can learn to surf.-Jon Kabat-ZinnAs an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives.- BuddhaCompetenceBodily felt sense of Sure I can!

Based on previous experienceNo matter what, no matter how small

OwnershipLearning ModelUnconscious IncompetenceConscious IncompetenceConscious CompetenceUnconscious CompetenceHow to Create a New HabitIdentify new behavior you want to cultivateIdentify reward for new behavior; how will you sense that reward in your body?Identify first five seconds of new behaviorIdentify cue to begin the first five seconds of behaviorCues to Practice - ANTS to PATSIdentify habitual negative pattern of responseIdentify new, positive response to counter/replaceIdentify cue word or phrase to name negative and positiveCriticism - CompassionUse cue to break automaticity and change the channelRepeat the practice as many times as necessaryFind the Gift in the MistakeRegrettable Moment Teachable MomentWhats Right with this Wrong?Whats the Lesson?Whats the Cue to Act Differently?Find the Gift in the MistakeCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.Deep ListeningThe most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.- Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.Deep ListeningListener asks speaker the question. Speaker answers honestly.The speaker answers the repeating question for several rounds, deepening his/her understanding of his/her experience.Listener and speaker switch roles.Take a few moments to share reflections on the experience.Questions for Deep ListeningWhat brings you joy in your life?What has brought you sorrow?What worries you now?When have you found courage in dark times?What are you grateful for?What are you proud of?I am no longer afraid of storms,For I am learning how to sail my ship.- Louisa May AlcottA ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for.- Grace HopperIn every community, there is work to be done.

In every nation, there are wounds to heal.

In every heart, there is the power to do it.- Marianne WilliamsonCourageIts as wrong to deny the possibleAs it is to deny the problem.- Dennis SeleebyThere is a natural and inviolable tendency in things to bloom into whatever they truly are in the core of their being.

All we have to do is align ourselves with what wants to happen naturally and put in the effort that is our part in helping it happen.- David RichoMastering the art of resilience does much more than restore you to who you once thought you were. Rather, you emerge from the experience transformed into a truer expression of who you were really meant to be. - Carol OrsbornBouncing BackRewiring the Brain for Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765