Note: This document is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does notnecessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo EngineeringSociety in the present day.

1

THE NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO ENGINEERING SOCIETY volume 24 issue 6 | 23 May 2003

“The river I walk in is not the river I stand in” - Unknown

The Return ofLowRider

Your Money atWork...Again

Mirko Hroch:In Remembrance

Check us out @ http://iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca/

Page 3 Page 7 Page 8

BOT Blast

UW engineers gathered to cele-brate the beginning of another term. OnFriday, May 9, POETS opened its doors toundergraduate engineering students from9pm onward. About 100 students took

advantage of the opportunity to get togeth-er and compare how their coop terms hadgone.

Bar Services was also kindenough to come out and offer refreshmentsto the crowd. As an added bonus, the civil04 class sold ‘Boggan burgers. Luckily, itwas a clear night so the patio was open foreveryone. The crowd was also treated to abrief visit by the Tool.

MOT will take place on FridayJune 20. There will be the usual shenani-gans and possibly some live music.

Jason Griese

4A Computer

What’s an OT wihtout Foosball?

Newfoundland Cod Fisheries Dispute

Ever since the late 15th Century,the Grand Banks of Newfoundland and thearea around Newfoundland in general, hasbeen visited for the express purpose offishing. The Grand Banks were recognizedto be one of the finest fishing grounds inthe world, and John Cabot, famous forfinding Newfoundland and claiming it forEngland, was quoted as saying that “thesea there is swarming with fish, which canbe taken not only with the net, but in bas-kets let down with a stone.” Soon after, thefishermen from Europe began establishingfishing camps on Newfoundland itself, tomore easily process the fish for the voyageback across the Atlantic. Newfoundlandgrew as the fishery grew. When the fishingtrawler was invented in 1911, the British

colony of Newfoundland proposed aninternational ban on trawling, probablybecause they realized that for the firsttime, the possible depletion of the codstocks could occur. The ban was vetoed byEngland, who at the time was enjoying theincreased capacity thattrawlers could provide.As the world industrial-ized, so did fishing, andthe cod production fromNewfoundland skyrock-eted from 300,000tonnes in 1952 to reachits peak of 810,000tonnes in 1968. Of thiscatch, 85 per cent wasfrom foreign trawlers. In1998, a mere 39,000tonnes were netted.

In the 1992, a moratorium wasannounced on commercial cod fishing,putting a massive quota on the number ofcod to be caught, and resulting in over40,000 people out of work.Understandably, the primary industry on

the island was nearly wiped out. The mora-torium was supposed to be temporary untilthe fisheries recovered, and the federalgovernment sunk massive amounts ofmoney into federal assistance, yet theprovince of Newfoundland posted a

decline in populationfrom 568,474 in 1991 to512,930 in 2001. Thefisheries today are stillnearly empty.

On April 24,2003, the fisheries min-ister, Robert Thibault,announced that what lit-tle remained of the codfishery would be closedentirely, due to theapparent lack of recov-

ery shown in cod stocks. At this point theleader of the province, Roger Grimes, defi-antly proclaimed that provincial justiceofficials would not prosecute anyone fish-ing illegally, and that the province woulddraft its own quota for the Gulf of St.Lawrence fishery. The Prime Minister then

issued a statement that: “I think it is com-pletely irresponsible on the part of a pre-mier to say to the people, ‘Break theLaw’.”

I hate to agree with the PrimeMinister, but Grimes is in the wrong thistime. It’s a very difficult situation. Thelivelihood of Newfoundland for 500 yearswas fishing. There are hundreds of minutesettlements on the coast of Newfoundlandthat are utterly abandoned, because of thelack of fish. The problem is simply thatthere is very little fish left, and what littleis left is being taken by trawlers fromacross the Atlantic, or St. Pierre andMiquelon. It is understandable that the clo-sure of the fishery would arouse someprotest, especially seeing as how the mora-torium in 1992 was supposed to fix theproblem. In fact, recent studies show thatstocks aren’t even a little better, they’reworse. The stock is at less than 2 per centof its size twenty years ago. The fact of the

André Beltempo

2B Mechanical

Continued on page 8. See Newfoundland.

“...Roger Grimes, defi-antly proclaimed thatprovincial justice offi-cials would not prose-cute anyone fishing

illegally...”

Good friends, Good times

Is that a TOOL on that balcony, or are you just happy to see me?

There was a time when themantra of the business world was that thecustomer was always right. I am only 21,and even I remember when this was thenorm. Wow, what a long way we havecome. Today, the emphasis on customerservice has been replaced by bigger sales,flashier commercials, and monstrousstores. Retail customer service depart-ments are only there to tout the party lineand disregard your needs as a customer.

Here is an example from myrecent experience. I needed to return acomputer purchase to one of the cookie-cutter computer stores here in Waterloo.Having called this particular store inadvance to confirm that I was still withinmy return period, I arrived at the store withmy computer and monitor neatly packagedin their original boxes. I continued on tothe customer service desk, heavy boxes intow. Upon my arrival, I proceeded toexplain my reasons for returning the com-puter and monitor to the clerk behind thedesk. He listened to my woeful tale intent-ly and then proceeded to explain to me thatI was no longer in my return period andthat there was nothing the store could dofor me. I explained to the clerk that he wasin fact mistaken and I was allowed returnthe monitor and computer citing the recenttelephone conversation I had with the storeprior to arriving. The clerk insisted thatperson I had spoken to on the phone hadmade a mistake in advising me to take suchan action. After ten minutes of furiousdebate, I left the store angered, frustratedand with two heavy boxes which I hadhoped never to see again. Is this the futureof customer service?

Now, I am well aware mistakesare made in today’s world. We are onlyhuman and it would be naïve of us toassume that we will never slip up. Whatannoyed me about the whole situation isthat although it was the store that made themistake, I was the one who had to live withconsequences of it. I do not need to tellyou that if it were the store that was thevictim of one of my blunders, they wouldnot be so content to forgive me with just an

apology.Customer service has gone the

way of beta video recorders – it’s a goodidea, but nobody’s interested in it. Wherewould retailers be without customers? It isconsumers who drive the economy, notmerchants. We are the ones who decidewho receives our hard-earned dollars, andour standards have hit rock bottom. Storeshave decided to do away with customerloyalty, and we have played right into theirhands. We no longer expect respect fromthe large, faceless corporations, but rathersacrifice customer loyalty for an extra sav-ings of $20 here and there. I, for one,would rather spend a little extra money andactually enjoy shopping than keep the sta-tus quo.

As consumers, we need to standup for our rights. Our needs should nolonger be swept into the backseat so com-pany profits can take a joyride up front. Ipropose a consumer revolution, adheringto the soon to be popular charter of con-sumers rights.

The first principle in the charter isto understand that you are spending yourmoney for your needs. All to often have Iwitnessed sales people attempt to disre-gard a customers needs in order to sellthem the flashier, more expensive model.As customers, we should know what wewant to buy. We should not have to put-upwith bullying sales tactics and insinceremotives in order for the sales clerk to get abigger commission. If, as a customer, youfeel that your needs are not being met bysales people, then I suggest you take yourbusiness elsewhere; and make a lot ofnoise about doing so.

The second principle is that thestore that should be loyal to the customer,and not the other way around. Everyonetalks about how they always buy a particu-lar item at a particular store. We can onlyassume that this is because the store inquestion treats their customers withrespect. What surprises me is that there isalways that group of people who swear bythose large box electronic stores thateveryone knows have a horrible reputationfor customer service. Where is this undy-ing loyalty coming from? Are we so mis-guided to think that if we are loyal to aheartless retail outlet that they will sponta-neously change their ways when dealingwith us? As hopeful as this situationsounds, it is probably only a dream. Ascustomer’s, it is not our duty to be loyal to

a store, but rather the store’s duty to beloyal to us. If I am treated well at a certainstore then I will be more likely to return tothat store for future business. It is in retailoutlets’ best interests to treat us customerswith dignity and respect, and as customers,we should not accept any less.

The third, and last principle isthat as mush as anyone tells you otherwise,the customer is always right. Negativephrasings should not be in the vocabularyof sales clerks and customer service repre-sentatives. As a customer, you should nothave to bend over backwards and conformto the needs of a particular store. Instead,it is the store that should be the pretzel,twisting around to your needs because youthe customer are always right.

As customers, we need to takeback what is ours in the retail world,specifically being treated with a certainamount of respect and decency. It is notuntil all stores realise this that my dreamcan be achieved – a retial utopia with low,low prices.

* * *

Moving to a completley unrelatedtopic, I am utterly enthusiastic and veryexcited about the state of the Iron Wariorthis term! I can thankfully say that I amsupported in this opinion by my magnifi-cent editorial board and staff for this term.Over the next few months we’ll be contin-uing in the long standing Iron Warrior tra-dition of being one of the highest quality,engineering student run newspapers in thecountry.

You may have noticed that IronWarrior seems a little thinner this term.This is due to some minor financial snagsthat were carried over from the previousterm. As a result, we will be only printinga 12 page paper instead of our regular 16page paper. No, we won’t be cuttingMutant Dog for any of you who were wor-ried.

As always, we are always search-ing for new and talented writers to join ourstaff. If you are interested e-mail me atiwarrior@engmail and I’ll get you set up.

The Newspaper of the University ofWaterloo Engineering Society

Editor-in-ChiefJonathan Fishbein

Assistant EditorJeff Henry

Photo EditorJason Griese

Layout EditorMatthew Harper

Technical EditorMaria Simoes

WebmasterKatherine Chiang

Distribution ManagerVacant

Business ManagerRajat Suri

Offstream Editor-in-ChiefJoseph Fung

StaffAndré Beltempo

Ryan BayneNiki Czerniak

Dan FoongMatt GagliardiKristina HotzJames KunzMatt Moore

Micahel SilagadzeDavid Yip

Contributors

Kitty ChanRosaline Choy

Tsu ChuangKristen Farn

Mike HenhefferMarc Joly

Emily KingAlex Lau

Mike MoffetLaura MooneyKendra OgdenRyan Walker

Leanne Whiteley

2 Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Letter From the Editor

Jonathan Fishbein

2B Software

Editor-in-Chief

Questions? Comments?We welcome letters and feedbackfrom all our readers. Please emailus at:

iwarrior@engmail.uwaterloo.ca

The Iron Warrior is a forum for thought provokingand informative articles published by the EngineeringSociety. Views expressed in The Iron Warrior arethose of the authors and do not necessarily reflect theopinions of the Engineering Society.The Iron Warrior encourages submissions from stu-dents, faculty and members of the university commu-nity. Submissions should reflect the concerns andintellectual standards of the university in general. Theauthor's name and phone number should be included.All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become theproperty of The Iron Warrior, which reserves theright to refuse publication of material which it deemsunsuitable. The Iron Warrior also reserves the rightto edit grammar, spelling and text that do not meetuniversity standards. Authors will be notified of anymajor changes that may be required. Mail should be addressed to The Iron Warrior,Engineering Society, CPH 1327, University ofWaterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G1. Our phonenumber is (519) 888-4567 x2693. Our fax number is(519) 725-4872. E-mail can be sent toiwarrior@engmail.uwaterloo.ca

Where’s the Love?

3Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Advice

LowRider

3A Chemical

Dear LowRider: UW_LowRider@hotmail.com

“If you miss LowRider, you’d better be dead,or in jail. And if you’re in jail... Break Out!”

Dear LowRider,

I can’t believe we’re stuck here in the sum-mer! What the [censored] is that? All myfriends at other engineering schools areback at home, drinking beer in the sun allday long and I’m in stupid 1B engineering.What can I do?

-Summertime Blues

Dear Summertime Blues,

You know you’re right. It’s quite a sacri-fice to be here in the summer. Whileeveryone else is relaxing, we’re workingour butts off for 5 years or working kind ofhard for 6 years or pretty much relaxingfor 7 years like Matan. The consolation isthat those lazy, stupid-headed friends ofyours will be polishing your Gucci shoeswith their eyebrows in a few years.

-LR

Dear LowRider,

I hardly recognize the UW campus any-

more. There’s new buildings, lots of con-struction, and damned flowers all over theplace. My question for you is: what arethey building on top of the SLC?

-Jerry

Dear Jerry,

That’s a good question. I heard a rumourthat they’re building some kind of a heli-copter landing pad for tenured faculty.Some people think that it’s a new resi-dence for the double-cohort, or more inter-view space. Personally, I hope that it’ssome kind of new un-closeable on-campusbar. We’ll just have to wait and see.

-LR

Dear LowRider,

So, January 6th I was in front of Needlesaround 7:45 and my employer didn’t comeby to pick me up. I waited until 10:00, andthen gave them a call. Apparently, theywanted me to move to Ottawa! What’swith that? Anyway, I got fired, and I can’teven get my co-op fee back. Who engi-

neered this system?

-Betty

Dear Betty,

You Systems kids make LowRider laugh.You can’t engineer a system any more thanyou can engineer a software program.Better luck next time.

-LR

Dear LowRider,

I’m one of your long-term fans, and I needsome help. Last term, I thought it would becool to do a work term in another country.There was a posting for “Caine Co.” inColumbia and I ended up getting the job.After the first couple of weeks, I figuredout that that I was actually working for acocaine cartel. However, the pay was fan-tastic, I like organic chemistry, and theweather was fine. So, like any good co-opstudent would, I toughed it out until I hadmy evaluation in-hand (Outstanding, bythe way) and then I came back to Canadaand entered the witness protection pro-

gram.Anyways, all my friends from school willsee this, and I’d like you to print my letterso that they know I’m OK and enjoyingmy new life.

-Mr. X.

Dear X,

First of all, congrats on the outstanding.Second of all, that’s a great story. It takes abrave man to stand up to an internationaldrug cartel. Fourthly, they really shoulddo a better job of screening those jobs. I’lllook into that. As for the favour, you’re along-time fan so I’ll go you one better. Forall the friends of the guy formerly knownas Joshua P. Bowman, the return addresson his envelope is:1541 Springhill DriveKamloops, BCV2E 2H1He’s probably kind of lonely and wouldlove to hear from you!

-LR

PS: What was your work report about?

Polarbears’ Advice Corner

Hi, welcome to my new advicecolumn. I just started this column and Iencourage you to write me with your ques-tions. Please email polarbears76@hot-mail.com with the subject “Polarbears’Advice Corner” and I’ll answer you here.

1) Best way to reject a guy?What is the best way to reject a

guy? What is the nicest way to reject a guywithout affecting the friendship? Whatwould the girls do and how do the guys

prefer it to be done? (Let’s say the girlfeels that he’s interested in her but he did-n’t say it directly.)

-Ceci

Dear Ceci,If he is asking directly for a date:

The first time, make up polite excuse likebusy studying or going for groceries withyour female friend. The second time, behonest and say you’re not interested. Thereasoning behind this is to be polite thefirst time but pick an excuse that’s simplelike studying because he’ll get the pointthat your not interested in him if you won’tgive up studying or grocery shopping for adate with him... However, the second

time, be truthful that you’re not interestedin him because he didn’t get it the firsttime. Then you shouldn’t get more trou-ble.

If he’s asking kind of casually:Reject politely many times... But if youwant to go out as friends make sure youdon’t go out one-on-one. Make sure it’snot just you and his friends, or him andyour friends since it’ll look like you’re‘with’ him or he’s ‘with’ you. That wayyou can make friends yet he won’t starthaving thoughts in his mind that yourgoing out solo.

-Polarbears

2) Want person back after break-up?

What do you do if you break upwith a person, then later wants him/herback? I don’t know.

->.<

Dear >.<,Most break-ups happen for a rea-

son. Confidence has shattered. Somethinghas already happened. Unless the situationhas changed, the reason's still there, sowhy get back together. But if you reallymiss someone and are willing to try towork things out again that's different. Justrealize that both parties need to try extrahard because you both have baggage fromthe break-up in the first place.

-Polarbears

PolarbearsGrad Student

Habitat forHumanity

Meeting inPOETS

Hello fellow engineering stu-dents! We, the P**5 directors, will betracking your P**5 points this term. Ifyou don’t already know, P**5 stands forPaul and Paula Plummer ParticipationPoints. It’s a big competition between allthe engineering classes. If your class winsfirst, second or third place you will get acash prize of $300, $200, or $100 respec-tively to spend on anything your classwants.

As P**5 directors, we award thepoints to the classes. Points are awardedfor various activities and a complete list isavailable on the engsoc website. Anonline submittal form will soon be avail-able on the engsoc website. To encouragesubmissions, a bi-weekly bonus of 50points will be given to each class that sub-mits their points. The first bi-weeklydeadline is May 30, 2003, so hurry andsubmit your P**5 points on time! E-mailyour point submissions to asoc_p5@eng-mail.uwaterloo.ca

Good luck and let the gameBegin!

('pe-tu-'the-'fif(t)th 'point-z)

4 Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

EngSoc

ENGINEERING SOCIETY EXECUTIVE REPORTS

Hello everyone and welcomeback! I thought I’d start with giving you abrief rundown of what you may havemissed during the Winter Term. First ofall, there have been many break-ins acrosscampus with the major targets being theStudent Society C&Ds and Offices. Boththe Engineering C&D and the EngineeringSociety Office were hit. Since this time,we have re-keyed all the doors, introducednew closing and opening procedures,insured all our valuable assets with theFEDS, and contacted campus police tofind out what else we can do to minimizethe risk of this happening again.

On another note, the EngineeringSociety Office (the Orifice) hours havechanged. The Orifice is now open from8:30 until 4:30 Monday to Friday. Also,we received a new photocopier contractfrom Graphics and with it came a costincrease. Photocopies now cost more than5 cents per page, but the EngineeringSociety Executive have decided to contin-ue offering 5 cent photocopies to all

Engineering Society members. The loss isanticipated to run to about $50, and will bemonitored.

I would like to take this opportu-nity to point out that last term theEngineering Society Council passed a newPoster Policy, which is available on-line at<http://engsoc.uwaterloo.ca/www/docu-ments/policy_asoc_posters.doc>. Somekey points that I would like to bring toyour attention are that posters should notmake direct reference to alcohol; there is a40 poster limit; posters can ONLY beplaced on Engineering Society boardswith staples. Any poster in violation of theposter policy will be removed and thegroup responsible could be faced withfuture poster refusal.

Lastly, this term is an election-term, which means that those of you inter-ested in being a member of theEngineering Society Executive shouldlook at the EngSoc calendar <http://eng-soc.uwaterloo.ca/www/evn_calendar.php> for deadlines. If you like to know whatit’s like to be an EngSoc exec or wouldlike to know more about what each of theexec do, please feel free to contact any ofthe current EngSoc Executives. Asalways, if you have any questions or con-cerns, please do not hesitate to contact meat (asoc_prez@engmail.uwaterloo.ca) ordrop by the Orifice and see if I’m there.

Leanne Whiteley

President

What Happened WhileWe Were Gone...

Sign-up sheetfor SCUNT islocated on theOrifice Door.Sign your teamup now before itis too late!

EngSocMeeting #2

WEEF Proposals Begin

Iron RingWing Ding

GradCommSlave Auction

CrossCampus

Capture the FlagAlumni Day

EngSocMeeting #3

25 26 27 28 29 30 31

7654321

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAYSUNDAY

Upcoming Events from EngSoc

Another Term, AnotherBudget

Welcome to the Spring term, byfar the best term of the year.

The deadline for directorshipbudget proposal forms was last Friday.For all directors that missed the deadlinethat I have not been able to track downsince then, I will be assigning you a bud-get based on prior term budgets. However,we would like to know what events orideas you have planned for the term soplease inform one of the exec as soon aspossible. The draft budget will be present-ed at the next EngSoc meeting on May28th and then will be up for approval at thefollowing EngSoc meeting on June 4thwith any revisions noted. As well, the draftbudget will be on the EngSoc websitesoon, so check it out on the ENG Formspage. It will give you the general break-down of where your $14 EngSoc fee willbe spent this term.

Expense forms for directors areavailable in the Orifice. Please, attach allyour receipts and separate the GST foryour purchase so that EngSoc can receivea refund later. Expense forms should beplaced in the VPF mailbox and I will havea cheque ready for you within a week. If Idon’t see you around, I will leave thecheque in your directorship mailbox orwith Betty Beaver. As well, like last termthere will be a weekly update on theEngSoc website of what funding has beenspent for directorships once the budget isapproved. To keep this up to date it isimportant that directors submit receiptsregularly.

Every term a part of the EngSocbudget is for donations towards student

projects and initiatives. If you are a mem-ber of the Engineering Society (i.e. youhave not requested your $14 EngSoc feeback) and you have a project that requiresfunding then you are eligible to apply.Donation proposal applications are avail-able in the Orifice, online at engsoc.uwa-terloo.ca/www/engform.php or e-mail meat asoc_vpfin@engmail.uwaterloo.ca for acopy. There is $1500 available this term tosplit among applicants. Proposals are dueon May 30th and each group/individualthat submits a proposal will be required topresent their proposal at the EngSoc meet-ing on June 4th. The council will then voteto determine the amount of money eachproject will receive.

So you may ask, if I’m not adirector and I don’t have time to come outto EngSoc events and I don’t have a pro-ject to request funding for than how is my$14 EngSoc fee going to benefit me? Wellthere are many ways to put your $14 fee towork for you. For this small fee you gainaccess to subsidized prices at theEngineering C & D (Coffee & Donuts)where you can get the cheapest and bestcoffee on campus for only 50 cents whenyou bring your own mug. You can also usethe cheap $0.05 photocopiers or inexpen-sively bind your reports in the Orifice. Theexam bank is available in the Orifice and itis now also on the EngSoc website; how-ever, you wouldn’t have such convenientaccess if you don’t pay your fee. There isPOETS for when you need a breakbetween classes and much more.However, I still highly recommend youcheck out an EngSoc event this termbecause you don’t know what you’re miss-ing. To name only a few there is TalEng,Mudbowl and the drama production.Check out the IW and the EngSoc websiteregularly to find out what is going on.

If you have any questions or con-cerns, please contact me via e-mail or stopby the Orifice.

What’s Happening?

Hey all. Well here we go again.Postings have started and most of us are 2weeks behind in class. Well, no worries,we always seem to pull through. It’s timeto get out the schedules and start organiz-ing our time. There are few up comingdates to remember, so have you assign-ments done early so you can come along.Eng Hockey starts May 23. That’s today ifyour reading this fresh off the presses. OnThursday May 29, the class of 2006 ishosting an Iron Ring Wing Ding. In cele-bration of their 1000 days ‘til IRS therewill be 1000 chicken wings for sale inPOETS from noon to 4pm. The very nextday, May 30, is Alumni day in POETS.Class reunions are being held that week-end and we’ve invited all the alumni tocome back and have one more beer inPOETS. Even the dean is coming!

This summer is looking like it

will be a great one. There are plans in theworks for a very semi- formal. It’s goingto be a Luau and rumour has it we’re roast-ing a pig! So get prepared to be leied witha pig at this summer’s Eng Semi. OurP**5 (P to the fifth) directors are extraenthusiastic this term and are looking togive your class points. Biweekly submis-sion bonuses will be given to classes whosubmit often. Send your submissions toasoc_p5@engmail.uwaterloo.ca.

Calling all volunteers! Do youwant to help out with eng-events but hatecommitment or responsibility? Join thetask team. This is a pool of people thatdirectors can draw on when they needextra bodies to run an event. To be placedon the task team list all you have to do issend an email to task_team_a-sub-scribe@yahoogroups.com and if you needhelp to run / set-up event email the taskteam task_team_a@yahoogroups.com.

There are plenty of things hap-pening this term and you won’t want tomiss out so check the engsoc website reg-ularly at http://engsoc.uwaterloo.ca. Also,don’t forget to read the IW often to keepup to date.

Cheers.

Kristen Farn

VP Finance

Ryan Walker

VP Internal

Rosaline Choy & Kitty ChanP**5 Directors

5Fr iday ,May 23 , 2003

EngSoc

ENGINEERING SOCIETY EXECUTIVE REPORTS

SUBS and Stuff

Spring. The birds are singing, alight breeze is rustling the leaves of themaples in my back yard. Tulips and daf-fodils blooming. Sitting out on the backporch reading … Engineering Economics.Yes, we’re back to school, just as every-thing is starting to get nice outside.

Hopefully this report finds every-one settling nicely into the swing of class-es, tutorials, labs, and the ever presentco-op.

The new co-op building is closeto being fully outfitted – everything seemsto be in place except the television moni-tors that will provide live information onhow interviews are proceeding, much likeairport status monitors. There may beanother forum about the new online sys-tem this term – keep your eyes and earsopen for that.

On an unrelated note, SUBS hasbeen an interesting adventure. There aresome books listed online now – check out

www.engsoc.uwaterloo.ca/www/subs ifyou’re still trying to get that ridiculouslyexpensive book for less than the price ofyour first born child.

Something of note is that youcan, indeed, search the Feds Used BookStore inventory online before you investhours trying to get into the place. Go towww.feds.ca/businesses/usedbookstore.html and click the “Search” icon to find yourbooks.

Related to “gee, I never knewthat was online!”, if you’d like to beinformed of WatPubs while on co-op, signup at www.watpubs.com each term.

Also to keep in mind, if you’reinterested in participating in the SFFTechnical Speaking or Debating competi-tions, the department level contests will betaking place soon so watch for informationfrom your department secretary.Spectators are also more than welcome.

And so, in parting I leave youwith this thought:

The last time somebody said, 'I find I canwrite much better with a word processor.',I replied, 'They used to say the same thingabout drugs.'

- Roy Blount Jr.

Laura Mooney

VP Education

External Events

Welcome back to what should bean exciting and eventful summer term herein Waterloo.

Starting on the home front, ourillustrious Canada Day directors are soongoing to start soliciting volunteers to helprun our part of the largest Canada Day cel-ebration in the tri-city area. Plan to bearound the afternoon of Tuesday, July 1stand you can help us tire out the local chil-dren at the engineering Olympics then sitback and enjoy the fireworks explode overColumbia lake.

Our charity directors will be run-ning a food drive at the end of term sobefore you throw out those non-perishablefood items from your apartment’s previousoccupants, or even some of your owncome exam time, just think of the starvingchildren. Hopefully by next issue they’llhave a long list of other charitable eventsfor you to peruse. And while you mighthave already missed the Women-in-

Engineering/Men-in-Engineering nightthis past Wednesday, a chick-flick nightand the traditional wine-and-cheeseremain upcoming.

Looking out to the rest of thecountry, this weekend Waterloo has twodelegations off in Kingston attending theEngineering Student Societies Council ofOntario’s Annual General Meeting. Whileusually this meeting lacks the same useful-ness as ESSCO itself often does, the agen-da is one of forward thinking, directionsetting, and maybe even some sobervision. In any case, there may be some-thing more of substance in my next report.

As for the Canadian Federationof Engineering Students, the Congress inJanuary proved fruitful as we walked awaywith a regional executive member andthree members of the various boards ofdirectors. With a voice on the inside rele-vance of the organizations might not betoo far away.

So, as all of us head closer tomidterms remember it is a summer term.Whether you join the graduating class on atour of local public establishments or sim-ply throw a Frisbee around on the GradHouse green enjoy the next few months.After all, aren’t these supposed to be thebest years of your life?

Jeff Henry

VP External

Novelties Store Now Open

The Engineering Novelties storeis now open for the term. In case youdon’t know, the Novelties store is locatedjust outside POETS in Carl Pollack Hall.We have many Waterloo Engineeringnovelties for sale in this store.Engineering T-shirts, hospital pants, tapemeasures, coffee mugs and pens are justsome of the many products that we carry.We have many new items for sale thisterm, so come to the store to see what wehave to offer. Our weekly hours of oper-ation are as follows:Monday 12:30 – 1:30Tuesday 11:30 – 12:30Wednesday 11:30 – 1:30Thursday 11:30 – 1:30Friday 12:30 – 1:30

We may also open the store attimes outside of these regular hours soany time you see the door open, feel freeto come in and take a look at what wehave available. Keep an eye open for usin the CPH foyer as well, as we may behaving special sales from time to time.There also may be a Novelties fashionshow later on in the term, so keep youreyes open for that too.

If you have any suggestions foritems that you would like to see us carryin the future, please drop by the store andlet us know.

Mike Henheffer

4A Computer

WEEF

Until the end of 1998, the allow-able expenditure rate was based on theinvestment company’s forecasted earningsof our endowment fund. At the end of theyear, if WEEF had made more than theprojected income, the extra money wascarried over to the next year and added tothat year’s expendable amount.

Obviously, this method of calcu-lation was too aggressive. If we spent allof the previous years extra expendable andthere is a negative return on investment,the next year we would have little to nomoney to spend. Fortunately, in the springof 1999, WEEF changed how it calculatedthe amount of money available for spend-ing (known as the expendable amount).

The new method of calculatingour expandable for the year was quite sim-ple. WEEF allocated 5% of the bookvalue of the principal at the fiscal year end(April 30 of each year) to its expendableamount. Even if the rate of return fromour investments was less than 5%, 5% wasallocated towards funding.

This funding approach workeduntil 2001 when UW’s Endowment Fundsreceived a negative return. Consequently,at the end of the fall 2002 semester, theschool decided to allocate only 2.5% ofour principal for expenditure, during thisfiscal year, instead of 5%. This means thatwe will be spending $35,000, instead of$70,000, to improve our engineering pro-grams this semester. UW will maintainsuch a cautious expenditure, until theeconomy is back on its feet.

WEEF proposals will be accept-ed from May 28th until June 27th withpresentations the following week. Formore information, please visit WEEF’sweb site at www.eng.uwaterloo.ca/~weef.

Marc Joly

4A Computer

6 Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Activities

Class of 2004 Yearbook

As hard as it is to believe, in lessthan a year a group of us will be graduat-ing from University of WaterlooEngineering. That said, there are a coupleof things that will be needed from graduat-ing students in order for them to be able tolook back in ten years at a book of theirexperiences.

This year’s Yearbook is alreadygoing full force. By the end of this term,graduating students will have already tak-ing their Graduation Head Shots and willhave chosen their favourite for placementin the yearbook. But more than just pic-ture taken needs to be done.

Each fourth year class this termmust pick a representative to the yearbook

committee. This person will be in chargeof gathering candid shots and memorablequotes (from over the past four years). Aswell, this person will also be in charge ofmaking sure that members of her/his classhave submitted the grad blurbs and chosentheir graduation pictures in due time, orwill have specifically opted out of havingtheir names/faces in the yearbook. If youare interested in helping out in this way,then make sure to come to the class pre-sentations being given on May 27th and28th - since the representative will likelybe picked at this team.

Your graduating yearbook issomething that you can cherish for a life-time. Twenty years from now, you canopen it up and remember fondly your 4and 2/3 time at this place.

If you have any questions aboutthe Class of 2004 Yearbook, you can cur-rently e-mail the A-Soc committee chairs:dhlam@engmail.uwaterloo.ca and mssi-moes@engmail.uwaterloo.ca and yourquestions will be answered.

Maria Simoes

4A Computer

GradComm: It Begins

Hey 2004s! I bet you neverthought this semester would come, but ithas. The clock in POETS is counting downto OUR IRS, the single most importantday of your life. You thought it would beyour wedding day, or perhaps, the birth ofyour first child? Well, you were wrong. Asan engineer, the last 5 years (or more) havebeen building up to one single moment.The moment a little iron ring finally findsits way to your little finger.

Before we make it to that day, wehave to do a lot of work. I’m not talkingabout fourth year projects. I’m talkingabout ensuring that the journey to that daywill be as memorable as possible. I’m talk-ing about GradBall, Pub Crawls, and par-ties. I’m talking about making sure thatour final year at this fine institution is thebest year ever. How can you do this?

JOIN GRADCOMM!!!

There are a number of commit-tees just waiting for members. There arejobs for every interest level and everycommitment level. We need people tohelp with: External Fundraising Internal Fundraising GradBallIRSPlummers Pledge Yearbook

If joining a committee isn’t yourstyle, that’s fine too. You can still partici-pate by coming to events - no stringsattached and noresponsibilities. Itís hard tosay no to that, eh?

To find out more, a meeting hasbeen scheduled for each class in RCH 101.It is important for everyone to be at theirclass meetings. We will be talking aboutgrad photos, iron ring fittings, valedictori-ans and yearbook deadlines. We can’twait to see you there. Here is the schedule for these meeting:EnviroChem: 4:30 on May 27th Mech: 5:30 on May 27th Civil: 4:30 on May 28th ECE: 5:30 on May 28th

Kristina Hotz & Leanne WhiteleyGradComm 2004 Chairs

GradComm Slave Auction

Do you need a slave? Are youlooking for someone to do the work youdon’t want to do? Are you looking forsomeone to drive you around while on apub tour? If so, you won’t want to missthe Gradcomm slave auction onThursday, May 29 in POETS from 11:30to 1:30. At this event, many engineeringstudents will be on the auction block

offering their services as slaves. The pro-ceeds from the auction will go to supportGradcomm 2004, which organizes manyevents for the graduating class of 2004.So if you need a slave, don’t forget tobring your money to POETS on May29th.

Are you interested in being aslave? We also need people to volunteerto be slaves for the auction. You can signup to be a slave in the Orifice.Volunteering to be a slave will earn P**5points for your class. You will also get achance to see if you can draw the highestbid. So please come out and support thegraduating class.

Mike Henheffer

4A Computer

Athletics: Summer SportsLine-up

Okay, so some things went wronglast term. No Mudbowl, wheelchair bas-ketball, or any other athletic event for thatmatter. What happened was this: duringmy 3B term I decided to take a less activerole in the Engineering Society, after myrole as FOC 2002 ended. As a result, theathletics directorship was left up in the air.However, this term I’m back and new lifewill be breathed back into athletics (okay Ilike tooting my own horn).

First things first, there will be anIce Hockey Tournament early on this term.Round Robin Games will be held on theweekend of May 24. Unlike last termhowever, games will be played for a fullhour as opposed to the 20-minute continu-ous clock. Last term we had 10 teams signup and the then 1A Civil Class (Full Tilt)walked away with the trophy. The Finaltournament will be held in July. Be sure tocome out and cheer on your fellowEngineers as they vie for the coveted IceHockey Trophy.

Following a major Ice HockeyTournament will be the ever fun-filledMudbowl. Although it failed to run lastterm, rest assured football fanatics therewill be a Mudbowl this term. When and

where have yet to be determined but donítfret, there will be plenty of warning.

While keeping with Engineeringstaples, such as Mudbowl, new tourna-ments will pop up throughout the term.Keep an eye out for Volleyball andBasketball Tournaments this term. Sincescheduling for this term is tight, theseevents may run during the night or in theafternoon. Exact dates will be worked outas the term progresses.

We have a new Athletics Directorwho is pretty gung ho about sports, sodonít be surprised if she happens to pro-pose many new and amazing ideas inupcoming terms.

Don’t forget, don’t be limited towhat the Athletics Director imagines. Ifyou have an event or a sport that you loveand would like to share with the rest of theEngineering Society, don’t hesitate to dropoff a message in the Athletics mailbox inthe Orifice. Your idea may be the nextMudbowl, you never know!

Dan Foong

4A Civil

“First things first,there will be an IceHockey Tournamentearly on this term.

Round Robin Gameswill be held on the

weekend of May 24”

Greco-Roman ScavengerHunt Today!

This term’s scavenger hunt istaking place starting today (May 23rd) at12:30pm through tomorrow at noon. It isnot too late to put together a team or to

become a lone toga wearing scavengerhunter. Just sign up in POETS at any timeuntil 11:30am tomorrow. The cost willvary linearly with the time remaining. Agood time will be had/is being had/washad by all (depending on what time youare reading this) so don’t miss out on anymore of the action!

ScHunt Gods2B Mech

Oh No! It’s Janus! That’s one RIDGID book!

7Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Community

Wheels in Motion

“Every time we reach an obsta-cle, we believe with all our hearts thatsomehow, someway, there is a way over it,under it, around it, or through it; but some-how there is a way. We just have to findthe key. We control the key.” - RickHansen

During his around-the-worldodyssey, Rick Hansen wheeled more than40,000 km through 34 countries to sharehis inspirational message of hope anddetermination. He showed everyone that“if you believe in a dream and have thecourage to try, great things [really] can beaccomplished”. Despite being faced withthe devastating reality of a spinal cordinjury (SCI) that left him a paraplegic atthe young age of fifteen, Rick did not suc-cumb to his injury or his disability. Hisdisability was physical yet his spiritremained untouchable; The Man in MotionTour was further proof of that. Hedreamed of circling the globe, and in themidst of serious criticism of that dream, hefollowed his heart in pursuit of making it areality.

While on the road, Rick focusedon the end of the journey. He believed thathis dream would be fulfilled when herolled back into Vancouver, B.C. WhatRick had yet to realize was that his dreamhad been transformed; “The work was notover, just the journey”. In the followingfifteen year’s, Rick has dedicated his life

to making a difference in the world of SCI.Today, he is President and CEO of theRick Hansen Man in Motion Foundationand the Rick Hansen Institute. Both ofthese organizations have made an impactof more that $137 M on the field of spinalcord injury including research, awareness,and rehabilitation.

SCI affects 37,000 Canadians,but for those who are not directly affectedby it, it is a difficult concept to grasp.Could you imagine spending your days inthe sitting position with no option tostand? Could you imagine not being ableto grasp objects with your fingers? Askingthese questions is not intended to invokepity or sympathy, merely facilitate thoughton the matter. However, it should be men-tioned that the perception of SCI and dis-abilities is often misguided because it isbased on an “able-bodied” or a non-dis-abled persons view of his/her reality. Acommon misconception is that the worddisability is equivalent to the word cannotor inability. This simply is not the case.The task may simply be done differentlyand may or may not require more time.Rick himself stated: “My disability is thatI cannot use my legs. My handicap is yournegative perception of that disability, andthus of me”.

My brother experienced this neg-ative perception many times during hislife. He too, suffered a spinal cord injurythat left him unable to walk again. In1991, Brent dove into the shallow end of afriend’s backyard swimming pool. Thatseemingly innocent act irrevocablychanged everything for him and our fami-

ly. The SCI left him a partial quadriplegicat only nineteen years of age. He spent sixmonths in the hospital learning how to per-form routine tasks with the limited move-ment that remained. Even when he waslying flat on his back, unable to move,Brent too, made the decision that he wouldnot spend the rest of his life sitting still.His disability was not going to stop him.To say that it didn’t would be an under-statement.

Brent led a very fulfilling life andwas more active than some able-bodiedpeople. He never let his disability stophim from participating in his life. Hispatience - an acquired attribute - enabledhim to develop the skills and experiencerequired to perform many tasks. Help wasnot something that he asked for often.Those people around him who initially feltsorry for his situation learned quicklynever to underestimate him. Without eventrying, Brent often left people, includingmy family and myself, in awe of what hecould accomplish.

Unlike Rick, my brother did nottake a public role promoting awareness orfighting for the cause. Nevertheless, hetaught everyone that knew him and manythat only knew of him what courage, deter-mination, and strength really were.Although my brother is no longer with us,having developed other health problems,there are constant reminders of howBrent’s story and his unbreakable spirittouched our lives and the lives of all whoknew him.

On Saturday, June 14, 2003, inorder to rekindle the spirit of the original

tour, the first Rick Hansen “Wheels inMotion” fundraiser will roll out in a pro-jected 225 communities across Canada.People will “get on wheels to help peoplewith SCI get off wheels”. Participants willroll along a designated course in theircommunity on bicycles, roller blades,scooters, skate boards, even wheel chairs(basically anything with non-motorizedwheels), or by walking or jogging with thewheelers. Participants are encouraged toraise funds through pledges and donationswith all proceeds directed towards theRick Hansen Man in Motion Foundationin support of making a difference in thelives of people with spinal cord injury.The proceeds will support improving thequality of life of people with SCI as wellas research to accelerate the discovery of acure.

Nationwide community partici-pation is the key to making this worth-while signature event a success. Ninetypercent of what we know about spinal cordinjuries has been discovered in the last 10years. The kind of support that can begained from an event like this will help tomake the belief that people will walk awayfrom spinal chord injuries a reality. Youcan be a part of that reality. On June 14th,you can help to make this dream come truefor someone suffering from a Spinal ChordInjury.

For more information on eitherWheels in Motion or the Rick HansenInstitute go to www.rickhansen.com. Tovolunteer to lead a Wheels in Motion eventor to help out, email commevents@rick-hansen.com.

Kendra Ogden4A Civil

I regret to inform you that one ofour fellow students died due to results sus-tained in a motorcycle accident during thefirst weekend of the term. Mirko Hroch,19 years of age, had just begun his 1B termin Mechanical Engineering.

A funeral service for Mirko washeld on Friday, May 16, 2003 at the

Edward R. Good Funeral Chapel. Thefuneral chapel was filled with literallyhundreds of people who came to remem-ber and celebrate Mirko’s life. The con-gregation heard from numerous friends,teachers and family members who sharedsome of their experiences with Mirko.

There will be a memorial forMirko some time in the coming weeks.The EngSoc website and the whiteboard infront of the Engineering Society Officewill provide more details, as they arise.Donations can be made to the MirkoHroch Scholarship Fund through the TDBank. Additionally, there are donation jarslocated in both the C&D and theEngineering Society Office.

Losing a loved one is a very dif-ficult thing to go through; especially whenyou factor in the added pressures faced atschool. The University has a well-trainedcounselling staff located in the First YearOffice (CPH 1325C or ext. 2849) and atNeedles Hall (NH 2080 or ext. 3528). Iwould like to strongly suggest that anyonehaving trouble coping with Mirko’s deathseek counselling. In fact, if you are experi-encing any emotional difficulties relatingto academics, social or family problems, Iwould recommend making an appointmentwith the University’s counsellors. The ser-vice is free and it’s confidential. The coun-sellors are there to listen and help you copewith any issues that you may have.

In Remembrance...

Leanne Whiteley

President

Kendra Ogden and Rick Hansen

8 Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Opinion

matter is that the thing was fished to death.Whenever something fails, we

are compelled to ask how or why, and thenset out to ensure the problem does notoccur again. It’s in our nature, especiallywhen we are engineers. So, how did itcome to such a terrible end? Basically,industrialization marked the death knellfor the fisheries, because the fish could beharvested at such a ridiculous rate.According to the scientists, Canadian andforeign over fishing were the prime cul-prits, followed by cold water temperaturevariations, depletion of food stocks andthe destruction of habitats by deep-seafishing trawlers.

So, now we have to ask ourselvestwo things: What can we do to actuallysave the fishery, if anything? How can welearn from this man-made extinction thathas so heavily affected us?

Despite the apparent lack ofrecovery, the Department of Fisheries andOceans in Ottawa still ardently believesthat the stocks can recover, given time, andprovided no one fishes cod. That soundseasy, but actually is a massive social, eco-nomical and even international problem.Closing the fishery for the time it takes torecover has already occurred, and themoratorium has already wreaked havocupon the Newfoundland economy.Additionally, foreign over fishing is con-stantly occurring, and the Coast Guardwould need to be allocated significantlymore funding to be able to halt foreignover fishing. Lastly, who is to say that thestocks have recovered? In fact, what is

‘recovered’? Does that mean 1990 levels,or 1950 levels? Obviously, the longer thefishery is left undisturbed, the better thestocks can be, but when the fishery re-opens, strict quotas will have to beenforced, to ensure the same mistakes arenot repeated. On top of that, the push toopen the fishery earlier would be inex-orable, and although it would be nice tostop for 10 or 20 years, realistically, socialpressures would probably dictate restart-ing it sooner.

The collapse of the cod fisheryoccurred rapidly and has taken far moretime to recover than we thought it would.Although it’s nice to imagine that some-thing like this is a mistake of the past, andthat today, environmental regulationswould prevent such a near-extinction, thatis simply not the case. Look at the B.C.fisheries as an example. Are we taking thelessons learned from the Newfoundlandfisheries and applying them on the oppos-ing coast? Up until now, there have beenvery little quotas imposed on the B.C. fish-eries, despite the obvious example inNewfoundland.

Mankind gave up hunter-gather-ing on land 15,000 years ago, because ittook 1 acre of land to feed a person. Weended up adopting agriculture methods,and today have the capability to adequate-ly feed 6 billion people. When it came tothe ocean, we did not change hunter-gath-ering (read: fishing) until very recently,when ‘fish-farming’ showed up. Up untilnow, the ocean has been bountiful enoughto provide for us as it did for the averageNeanderthal. Unfortunately, it appears thatthose days are likely to be numbered.

Newfoundland...continued from Page 1.

Where’s the Outrage?

There have been a few uproars oflate when students have felt slighted by theadministration. Every time fifteen percentwas tacked onto tuition, when student runbars were shut down, or even when a$25/term for 25 years towards a new coopbuilding was approved students were up inarms. But like any group without corpo-rate memory these uproars quickly vanishand life simply carrys on, promises andmemoranda of understanding forgotten.

On May 5th the new CECS build-ing was officially opened as the TathamCentre (TC) and a $4.1-million contribu-tion from a UW alumnus was announced.That isn’t controversy - or at least withoutcorporate memory it isn’t.

Back before the summer of 2001then FEDS President, Chris Farley, hadcome out of negotiations with the univer-sity administration. The $8.7-million TCneeded about $4.35-million to go forwardand the students were eyed as the saviours.Despite a referenda conducted by theFEDS indicating no support for the fee,Farley went ahead and inserted studentconsent to the plan to charge us all $25 perterm for 25 years. Students were outraged,but that hardly mattered. CECS needed thespace, SuperBuild was supplying moneyand complaints over another fee weren’tgoing to stop progress.

Placating to student outrage,however, was not above the university. Amemorandum of understanding was drawnup between the FEDS and the universityspeaking to recognition for our contribu-tions equal to what a donor would receive.Further, donations would be sought to helpfurther pay for the building throughout thestudent payment period. In April 2001, theDaily Bulletin confirmed what Farley hadpromised: any donations raised would off-set the student contribution meaning asmaller fee or a shorter contribution time.

Two months later the universityapproved a plan to allocate only $2.35-million of SuperBuild loot to the TC.Counting the beans leaves the $8.7-millionbuilding $2-million short.

A little less than two years later,the building cost is announced at $10.8-million. The shortfall, now at convenient-ly $4.1-million, is covered by ourillustrious philanthropist alumnus forwhom the building is now named.

For $4.1-million, Tatham got hisname on the building and a dinner in hishonour. Students had a plaque on the walland still $25 for twenty-five years. Andwhile we may get the lobby to be renamedto recognize fee-paying students, studentsshall still be for the next quarter century.

And where exactly did that $2-million dollar SuperBuild money go? Wellthe initial application was presentedomnibus allowing the university to putthose millions into any one of threeapproved buildings. It seems, from thelack of student outrage, that they’d rathercomplain about not being able to spendthat $25 in the Bomber than the $25 itself.

Jeff Henry

VP External

9Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Opinion

Life... or Nothing Like It: The Art of Nodding andSmiling

“If something annoys you, kill it.It worked for Bush.” - Rajat Suri

Picture this. Your boss comes upto you and starts talking about the golfclubs he recently found on sale at the fleamarket His eyes widen, his voice tremblesand his hands wiggle in excitement as hetries describe the sheer brilliance of thedesign, the magnificent sculpting of thehandles and of course those lettersengraved on the face of the club, M. W.,which could only mean Mike Weir. Thevendor said so himself. Your boss justknows he’ll get under par on his nextround.

Ahh, you think, so that’s wherehe was all day Monday. Pity you couldn’tbe there, since you wereotherwise occupiedputting in a hard day’swork at the office sothat your boss couldtake his monthly vaca-tion in Cuba, Jamaica,or wait was it Tahiti lasttime? You’ve lost trackby now.

But of courseyou’d like to go back toschool some day, so youdon’t go spluttering all this to his face.Although that might be fun, maybe evenexhilarating, I would discourage you frommaking such a choice, unless a) the pay islower than minimum b) you’re planning acareer as a subway hobo or c) you work ata sweatshop in China.

No you must resist the tempta-tion. I know it’s hard to stop yourself fromvisualizing your boss looking like a stuckpig as you tick off the complaints from theever-growing list, but for co-op’s sake,please try! There is sim-ply no benefit to dream-ing about the distinctlyred hue that will doubt-less flush your boss’sface, or his smug expres-sion slowly but surelydisintegrating to one thatis not dissimilar fromBush’s patented “where-am-I-who-am-I-please-get-me-away-from-hereI -want-my-mommy”look.

Nay, for there is a better way myengineering compadre. It’s been aroundfor years, decades, centuries…forever,basically. There are rumors that Jesus’ dis-ciples invented it, but I have a sneaky sus-picion that it dates back even before then.

It is known to many butunderstood by few. It isthe Art of Nodding andSmiling.

ANS, as itcalled by the chosenfew, is easily one of themost powerful weaponsin a relatively intelligenthuman’s arsenal. Forgetkarate, jujitsu, and badbreath…. ANS is whereit’s at. It is learned, not

taught, at a very early age. Experts put it ataround 14 months, when the infant comesto realize that he or she can get prettymuch anything with a frothy gurgle andconfused smile. This is generally after thecrying phase, where the infant comes tothe sad conclusion that wailing and bawl-

ing only gets you jerked around on ashoulder. As it grows older, a human startsto understand the sheer power of what ithas learnt. Even at the tender age of three,young girls and boys have been known to

coax many a Popsiclefrom crooning adults,with just a smile andnod to whateverinstructions are beingthrown their way.

Then comesthe school stage of ahuman’s life, where heor she will quickly learnthat if you nod andsmile when the wellmeaning but oh-so-

annoying teacher tries to explain some-thing to you, he will believe youunderstand his point and leave you aloneto enjoy your ignorance in peace. Thisworks all the way up to university, bywhich time students are masters of the art.You could speak in Klingon to a Waterlooplummer and he or shewill still apply ANS insuch a skilful way thatyou’ll stumble awayamazed at your ownteaching abilities. Ofcourse, some of themactually understandKlingon, but that’s awhole different story.

Guys willunderstand what I meanwhen I say that ANS isthe best discovery since chocolate chipcookies back in the mid 200 BC’s. If youare a guy and a female attempts to tell you“what she thinks”, it is essential that youshift into ANS gear immediately. Plaster aserious smile on that kisser and nod slow-ly and deliberately, like you’re giving the

advice a great deal of thought. Make sureto make eye contact so she doesn’t evenconsider uttering the dreaded words “Areyou listening to me?”. It is a favorite touchof mine to throw in the odd “yeah” and “Iagree” in there for effect. Do NOT howev-er overdo this last part, as they tend to besensitive to any form of sarcasm. It wouldnot be pretty if you were caught. Don’tworry if you can’t do it the first time…practice makes perfect. It’s all in the tim-ing.

This is relevant for females ofany age, type, relation, whatever – be ityour mother, girlfriend, wife, sister, thirdcousin-twice removed. They all have“thoughts to share” and they all want youto follow them…. now, if not yesterday.But fear not. If executed correctly, I canguarantee you that ANS will work. Ifnot… get back to that bathroom mirror andkeep practicing. You didn’t need her any-ways.

Finally, all I can say is that it paysto be prepared. Don’t wait till next work

term to commenceANS… go out to theclasses, lounges, restau-rants, bars, whateverworks and start yourresearch now. Go up toa person you don’tknow from Adam andstart nodding and smil-ing spontaneously. Thisis a good test to see ifyour smile brightnessneeds tuning. I’ve gen-

erally found that if they drop their books,wet their pants and run away screaming fortheir moms, it probably means you haven’tquite hit the right note yet.

But then again, I probablyshouldn’t hang around the Arts buildingsso much.

Rajat Suri

1B Chemical

“I got Mono.”Alyssa Clarkson - 2A Applied Arts

“Got food poisoning.”Martha Lenio - 4A Mech

“Almost had my hand chopped off.”Ken Su - Mech Grad

“Damn 20 hours to write a frickin final.”Jesse Huebsch - Chem Grad

“Wednesday at Mongolian.”Robin Wilson & Illan Kramer - 4A Elec

“Columbia disaster.”Sheldon Petrie - 2B Mech

“Winter.”Ryan Consell - 3A Mech

“Almost Failed.”Rebecca Sauder - 1B Chem

Iron Inquisition “What is the worst thing that hap-pened over the winter term?”

the

Jason Griese, 4A Computer

“Picture this. Yourboss comes up to you

and starts talkingabout the golf clubs herecently found on sale

at the flea market.”

“Guys will understandwhat I mean when Isay that ANS is thebest discovery sincechocolate chip cook-

ies...”

“ANS, as it called bythe chosen few, is easi-ly one of the most pow-

erful weapons in arelatively intelligenthuman’s arsenal.”

1 0 Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Arts and Entertainment

The Heir of Ardun: Part 1 of 5

Ardun was a peaceful kingdom -a place of peace, harmony, and generalgoodwill ruled by a benevolent king. Thatwas until Borgh came. Borgh was a man(or at least appeared to be) of good stature,robed all in black, whose glib tonguequickly won him an audience with theking. Hired as a mystic for the royal fami-ly, he quickly worked his way up until hewas the personal adviser of King Ponmet.Ah, but he was as far from an adviser aspossible! If anything, he was the puppetmaster, and the king his marionette. Forthe king was old, and weary of his duties,so looked upon anyone willing to help himwith a favorable eye. Favorable was thelast thing the people of Ardun consideredthis Borgh however, for under the king’sname he raised taxes, and instituted a

requirement that all boys and men that hadseen more then sixteen winters report assoldiers in the royal army. From boys whohad just stolen their first kiss, to men whohad kids of their own, it didn’t matter.

N o wMostrick, the son ofKing Ponmet was noth-ing like his father.Quick of wit, andquicker to anger, hedidn’t take kindly toBorgh usurping hisfather’s power. No, farfrom it. But because ofthe bond Borgh had cre-ated, he was afraid ofspeaking up. One night,while returning from an evening with oneof the noble’s daughters, Mostrick heardBorgh’s voice coming down the hall.Hiding behind a decorative suit of armor,he waited for him to pass. As he drew clos-er, he began to make out snippets of con-

versation. As he processed this informa-tion, the blood fled from Mostrick’s face.What he heard made up his mind once andfor all.

The next day, Mostrick imploredhis father to think twiceabout his new advisorBorgh, for he was onlyafter the throne. And theonly response he got wasa pat on the back and thewords, “Nonsense mychild, Borgh is nothingbut a queer fellow with agood heart who has thekingdom’s best inten-tions in mind.”Frustrated, Mostrick

stormed out, leaving behind a string ofcurses and insults that abashed his father,but pleased Borgh to no end. That night, asMostrick was preparing for bed there wasa knock on his chamber door. Mostrickignored the sound and continued his

chores. The knock repeated. Going to openthe door, he suddenly felt a chill.“Curious...” he thought, “I thought mywindow was closed.” Opening his door, hewas aghast at what he saw.

The next day, Borgh himselfmounted a search for the missing heir,while the king sat fretting that the disap-pearance was his fault. Borgh reassuredhim it wasn’t, as his grin grew bigger andbigger. For the golden age of Ardun hadpassed, and in its place a tyranny had beenbuilt.

Mike MoffetGuest Writer

Editor’s Note: The Heir of Ardun is a 5-part short story written by Mike Moffet.The Iron Warrior will be publishing oneof the 5 parts sequentially in each of our5 issues. Be sure to check the next issueof the Iron Warrior for the coninuationof the story.

Review: Jack Johnson -On & On

Running Time - 43:55Total Tracks – 16Release Date – May 6, 2003

Once you pop this CD into yourCD Player/Computer/Discman, you willinstantly be transported to a world outsideof your own. With smooth tunes and coolmelodies, Jack Johnson has created a CDjust in time for the summer. On & On con-tains good tunes that you just can’t stopbobbing your head to. Be it while yourdriving in your car or just sitting out on thepatio with a cold beverage in your hand.

Each track is no more than two tothree minutes in length; just enough timefor you to start enjoying the rhythm andmake you salivate for something new. Theonly drawback that I can really see to thisalbum is that it may find a permanent rest-ing place in your CD

tray; thus, stopping you from listening toother great artists.

Starting from the beginning,Times Like These will get your feet tap-ping and make you just wonder what he’llcome up with next. Currently in release isthe second track from Mr. Johnson’s sec-ond offering entitled The Horizon HasBeen Defeated. This track will make youreminisce of times spent at the cottage andsitting out on the Patio.

The entire CD has been com-posed and recorded acoustically, so don’texpect to hear any harsh electrics or anyother type of distortion. Perfect for justsitting around and relaxing, On & On isdefinitely a quality CD that everyoneshould pick up.

I never had the chance to listen tohis first album Brushfire Fairytales, but ifit is anything like this album it’ll definite-ly find a place in my CD spindle.

If you enjoyed listening to On &On or any other of Jack Johnson’s work,you might want to consider listening toJohn Mayer’s Room For Squares CD.Both of these CD’s sound similar and bothare pretty much sit-back-relax-and-let-the-good-times-roll kind of music.

Dan Foong

4A Civil

Review: Live - Birds ofPray

Running Time: 44:29Total Tracks: 13Release Date: May 20, 2003

Since hittingthe scene in 1991, Livehas made a name foritself in the musicindustry. Birds of Prayrepresents the bands’sixth offering.Although it soundsextremely similar to thetracks that came outwith Throwing Copper,Birds has its own soundthat must be appreciat-ed in small doses. Large doses may causesevere neck damage as you will want tohead bang and just “rock-out” as thisalbum plays.

Starting the album is Heaven, thebands’ first single. Heaven is a nice blendof lyrics and music. Be sure to listen care-fully to the lyrics from this band sincemost of their songs were written for a spe-cific purpose. Heaven will start off slow,pick up speed, and just when you thinkthat you’ve hit maximum, they slow itdown then crank it way up.

She, the album’s second song,picks up where Heaven leaves off. At nopoint throughout the album does the music

ever seriously slowdown. Unless you’vebeen a die hard Live fansince they hit the scenein 1991, Live’s soundwill at first entice you tocontinue listening andfinally grab you and takeyou for a ride.The slowest song occursright at the end with thelast track What Are WeFighting For? So where

does this leave you at the end of thealbum? You will probably hit the loopbutton on your CD player and start it allover again.

Dan Foong

4A Civil

“Large doses maycause severe neck

damage as you willwant to head bang andjust ‘rock-out’ as the

album plays.”

Ryan BayneComputer - Class of 2002 Mutant Dog Fun Comic Art

“If anything, he wasthe puppet master, and

the king his mari-onette.”

1 1Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

Bi-Weekly Crossword

Robert Jordan’s “The Wheel of Time”~ ~ ~Across:

1A Lanfear’s wolf name.3A The kingdom that was invaded

to start the Whitecloak War.8A Another name for Cuindillar.12A The battle Ajah.

14A Leader of the Dragonsworn; alsoknow as the Prophet.

15A In one of Egwene’s dreams, he walks towards her over broken glass leaving a trail of blood.

17A Mesaana’s real name.18A The “Tree of Life.”19A The great ocean to the west of

the Westlands.~ ~ ~Down:

1D The Black Wind.2D A large flying creature that is

often used as a forward scout by the Seanchan.

4D “Servant to all” in the Old

Tongue.5D The World of Dreams.6D Those who follow the Dark One.7D Young soldiers who follow

Gawyn Trakand under his ban-ner, the green boar.

9D A river ship owned by Bayle Domon.

10D Daughter of the Nine Moons.11D An Aes Sedai of the White Ajah

and head of the Black Ajah.13 D The geographical feature that

was created when Lews Therin killed himself.

16D A ter’angreal consisting of a necklace and one or more bracelets.

Niki Czerniak

3N Geological

PoetryAnalysis

As one project for the paper thisterm, I have decided to analyze poems ineach issue. Depending on the piece, it maybe a contextual analysis or simply a studyof the work’s form and poetic elements. Ifthere is a specific poem you would like meto look at (please no epics!) then feel free toemail me at neczerni@engmail.

For this issue I have chosen tocompare two of the most well knownpoems by my favorite author, WilliamBlake: “The Tyger” and “The Lamb.”

“The Lamb”By William Blake

Little Lamb, who made thee?Dost thou know who made thee?

Gave thee life, and bid thee feed,By the stream and o’er the mead;

Gave thee clothing of delight,Softest clothing, woolly, bright;Gave thee such a tender voice,Making all the vales rejoice?

Little Lamb, who made thee?Dost thou know who made thee?

Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee,Little Lamb, I’ll tell thee:

He is called by thy name,For He calls Himself a LambHe is meek, and He is mild;He became a little child.I a child, and thou a lamb,We are called by His name.

Little Lamb, God bless thee!Little Lamb, God bless thee!

Niki Czerniak

3N Geological

Continued on page 12. See Poerty.

Arts and Entertainment

1 2Fr iday , May 23 , 2003

CECS NewBuildingOpening

On Monday, May 5, 2003, thenew co-op building was officially openedand named the William M. Tatham Centrefor Co-operative Education & CareerServices (Tatham Centre). Complete withuniversity admin, student representatives,and local politicians and press, the grandopening was very well attended. A RiceKrispie square replica of the $10.8 millionstructure was easily the highlight from ahungry student perspective. CECS is stilllooking for ideas to properly commemo-rate the contributions of students. If youhave any suggestions, e-mail LiamMcHugh-Russell at vped@feds.ca.

Laura Mooney

VP Education

The new William M. Tatham Centre

Poetry

“The Tyger”By William Blake

Tyger, tyger, burning brightIn the forests of the night,What immortal hand or eyeCould frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skiesBurnt the fire of thine eyes?On what wings dare he aspire?What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what artCould twist the sinews of thy heart?And, when thy heart began to beat,What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?In what furnace was thy brain?What the anvil? What dread graspDare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,And water’d heaven with their tears,Did He smile His work to see?Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Tyger, tyger, burning brightIn the forests of the night,What immortal hand or eyeDare frame thy fearful symmetry?

William Blake (1757-1827) pub-lished a collection of poetry titled “Songs ofInnocence and Songs of Experience” whichis divided into two parts. “The Lamb” isfrom “Songs of Innocence” and “TheTyger” is from “Songs of Experience.”

“The Lamb” is a poem which glo-rifies the creator of the lamb. It has the feel-

ing of a nursery rhyme through the use ofrepetition and a simply rhyme scheme. Theuse of soft, gentle phrases, such as “tendervoice” and “little child,” also adds to thefeeling that this is an innocent poem to readto a young child. The description of thelamb as “tender,” “meek” and “woolly”supports that nursery rhyme atmosphere.

The idea that the creator is kindand good is shown two was in “The Lamb.”A series of rhetorical questions followed byan immediate and simple answer: “He ismeek, and He is mild.” By using the sym-bol of the lamb to represent the creator. Thelamb is perhaps the gentlest creature we canthink of, and in Christianity Jesus Christ isoften referred to as a lamb.

As in Blake’s earlier poem, “TheTyger” makes use of rhetorical questioning.However, unlike in “The Lamb,” no answerto the questions is provided to the reader.The series of questions leads to doubt form-ing in the reader’s mind as to whether thecreator is truly as good as once thought.

“In “The Tyger” William Blakeasks the question “Did He who made thelamb make thee?” This suggests that read-ers are meant to compare the two poems.

“The Tyger” and “The Lamb”both speak of creation, but each from a dif-ferent light. “The Lamb” takes a very inno-cent approach - the creator is kind andgood, and there is no doubt about it. “TheTyger” takes a more experienced approach- asking more questions and not believingright away that the creator is good; after all,a creature such as the tiger was created.

Strong commonalities in boththeme and stylistic elements like these twopoems; not to mention the direct referenceto “The Lamb” in “The Tyger.” Blakeintended these two poems to be juxtaposed,and they have been for centuries.

...continued from Page 11.