Bos Mag Dec 09

Dec 09/Jan 10

In this issue

WIN BRUNCH FOR 2

at Café Boscanova

Lighter Look at Life

Does Santa Really Exist?

Welcome to

Roumelia

Lane

BOSCOMBEBOSCOMBEBOSCOMBEBOSCOMBEI T S A L L A B O U T

AND THE SURROUNDING AREA

‘

Your free bi-monthly mag for everything in and around Boscombe

Boscombe Mag DEC 09-2 print 23/11/09 20:53

In this issue . . . 4 WIN! Brunch for 2 at Café Boscanova

6 In the Community The Bourne Spring Centre

7 Welcome to Roumelia Lane

8-9 Town News Parking Refund Scheme/Ashley Road

10 The Green Room Surfing Update

11 Date for Your Diary Inspierational Get Together

12 Little Gems Gifts with Ethics

13 Town Map Where to Find our Advertisers

14 Get Gardening Winter Wonderlands

15 Editor’s Choice Rosie’s Mediterranean Café

16 Just For a Giggle:-) The problem with Christmas:-)

17 Food Bites Easy Christmas Baking

18 What’s On Lots Going on This Christmas!

20 A Lighter Look on Life Does Santa Really Exist?

22 Services and Useful ContactsStunning main cover image of Boscombe Beach and small inset cover imageof Boscombe Pier courtesy of Sean Gardiner ~ thanks Sean!

It’s All About Boscombe is designed and published byGazelle Design, Tel: 01202 599077

Advertising enquiriesSue Peck, Tel: 01202 599077Email: [email protected] Design wish to express their appreciation for the help and assistance provided by various organisations andindividuals in the production of this magazine. Every effort has been made to ensure that the information containedherein is correct at the time of going to press. Neither Gazelle Design, its employees and agents shall be liable forany inaccuracies or omissions, or for any loss, however arising, from the use of, or reliance on any informationcontained. No part of this publication, including advertisements designed by Gazelle Design, may be reproduced,stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying orotherwise without the written permission of Gazelle Design. ©Gazelle Design 2009

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WINBRUNCH FOR TWO AT CAFE BOSCANOVA

All entries must be received no later than midnight on 31st December 2009. Entries received after the closing time will be invalid. Employees and members of their immediate families of the Promoter and any of their subsidiariesand/or agencies associated with this competition, including the provider of the prize are ineligible to enter. E-mail entrants must supply their address details to allow for postal delivery of the winning brunch voucher. The prize issubject to the terms and conditions of the prize provider. No cash equivalent or alternative prize will be given. The winner will be picked at random from all valid and correct entries on Monday 4th January 2010. The winner will be notified by e-mail and the brunch voucher will be sent via first class post the same day. Brunch voucher valid until 31st January 2010.

To have a chance of winning just email usthe answer to the following question:How many reindeer are said to pull Santa’s sleigh on Christmas Eve?

Email your answer to: [email protected] by midnighton 31 December 2009 to have your chance of winning a fabulous brunchfor two people at Café Boscanova on Boscombe’s high street


As I write this issue’s welcome I’m sitting listening to thehowl of 70+mph winds! Winter is now definitely upon us:-)

As ‘It’s All About Boscombe’ enters its second year ofpublication I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all of theadvertisers and contributors to the magazine who over thepast year have shown their support and great enthusiasm ~without you the magazine would have probably faded into adistant memory!

So, Christmas is very nearly upon us . . . what are we toexpect from the festive season? Well, some things you can bealmost sure of . . . the X-Factor winner being number 1 in themusic charts, “The Gringe” on TV, far too many brussel sproutson your dinner plate, not a flake of snow falling in Boscombeand a few extra inches on the waistline to start off your HappyNew Year:-)

We at ‘It’s All About Boscombe” hope that whatever Christmasbrings for you that you have a peaceful and contentChristmastime and a healthy and happy New Year!

We look forward to bringing you the February edition of themag from our new home at Studio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane andwelcome everyone to come and visit us anytime with news,views or just for a chat. Come and meet the team and seewhat else we do . . . websites, graphic design, fax and internetservices, rent-a-desk, printing and so much more . . . the kettlewill always be on:-)

Til next year then, have a good one!

Helene Bowman-Brown, EditorEmail: [email protected]

Welcome . . .

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077 Photo courtesy Paul Godier


Welcome to Roumelia Lane

TO ADVERTISE IN THE FEBRUARY ISSUE CALL 01202 599077

When I made the decision to move my company,Gazelle Design (publishers of this mag), into theheart of Boscombe, I must admit, Roumelia Lanewas not the first area that jumped to mind.

After viewing one of the units currently available, I spenthour-upon-hour looking at various other optionsincluding serviced units, shops and offices in andaround other parts of the town.

Some of the options appeared to me to be ‘in a crowd,but all alone’ ~ long corridors with doors leading off,almost no audible sound of life and devoid of any‘personality’. Some premises had outside toilets or wereat least a little walk away and others offered very little orsometimes no parking at all. All seemed to have nosense of community, no real feeling of being welcome~ I’m sure we would have been welcome in some ofthe areas we looked at but unfortunately that didn’tcome across to me on the viewings.

So, after all that, Roumelia Lane became a real option toconsider. After a number of visits to potential units,emails to and fro with the landlord (who I’m sure wecame close to driving to distraction), I decided to take amorning out and visit the businesses and meet some ofthe residents of Roumelia Lane, and am I glad I did?Never before have I been privy to such a passionatecommunity spirit. The businesses and residents of thelane work together so well. Upon meeting some of themI was made to feel so welcome! Based upon the peoplewe met and the true feeling of community that oozesfrom every corner of the lane, the decision was made

25a St Clements Road, Bournemouth BH1 4DUTel: 01202 301224/394507 www.davewells.net

Dave Wells PropertiesBUSINESS UNITS TO LET

IN ROUMELIA LANE

that this is where Gazelle Design and “It’s All About Boscombe”will make its new home. We hope to be in our new premises atStudio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane early December, complete with insidetoilet and a parking space:-)

We hope to make a regular feature of ‘Welcome to RoumeliaLane’, highlighting the businesses and keeping you up-to-datewith news . . . so watch this space:-)

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the businessesand residents that I have had the pleasure of meeting overthe past few weeks and look forward to “It’s All About Boscombe” being able to give the lane thepositive exposure that it so rightly deserves.


PLEASE MENTION “IT’S ALL ABOUT BOSCOMBE” WHEN REPLYING TO ADVERTS7

The Bourne Spring Centre

The Bourne Spring Trust are a great group ofpeople dedicated to bringing resources to thepeople of Springbourne who are willing to workwithin the centre to keep it open and helpmaintain the building.

The centre aims to ensure people use the centre andbenefit from the activities we and other groups provide.

To support the development of more enterprise withinthe Bourne Spring Centre and encourages more peopleto learn new skills, make new friends and do somethingfor the local community.

The doors are open to all members of the community,providing fun and exciting workshops, activities andevents held at the centre all year round.

For more information or to book a space for yourevent call them on 01202 392288www.thebournespringtrust.com

In the CommunityTake a break from ChristmasShopping and visit Rosie’sFantastic home-made Italian foodincluding all-day breakfasts, pasta, salads,cakes, smoothies, italian coffees andspeciality teas and much more!

Shop 4, Roumelia LaneTue - Sat 9am ~ 5pm

Tel: 01202 398100

For truly affordable Christmas GiftsBracelets - Earrings - Necklaces - Pearl JewelleryOpen: Mon & Thu: 12-5; Tue, Wed, Fri: 1-5; Sat: 10-5

Rent-a-DeskComplete with free internet access,tea and coffee. By the hour, AM/PM,day, week or month. A sociablealternative to working from home.

01202 599077Studio 2, 4-6 Roumelia Lane,

Boscombe, Dorset BH5 1EU

1, Roumelia Lane T: 07887 777 107


Parking refund schemeBoscombe is setting the trend when it comes toa bargain for your car parking with theintroduction of a refund scheme when you shop.

The 15th of September saw the launch of a parkingrefund scheme which means when you park in acouncil owned car park or the Britannia owned carpark in the Sovereign Centre in Boscombe you willreceive a refund when you shop. Simply take theparking refund section of your ticket to one of theparticipating shops and on purchase they willrefund an amount for your parking ticket.

13 stores have already agreed to take part and theTraders Association is in discussion with a numberof other stores within Boscombe. Participatingstores so far include Baraka, Book Extra, Cherish,Clair de Lune, Dazzle, Down Under, Island Café,Moontree Gallery, Simoni’s Florists, The CatalogueShop, The Salad Centre and Whistons. All storestaking part in the scheme will clearly display asticker in the window and a leaflet will identify thelevel of refund which each store will offer.For further details see: www.boscombetraders.co.uk

Mike Holmes, Service Director for Planning &Transport, commented: “In a bid to support localtrade and encourage more shoppers intoBoscombe, the Council and Britannia Parking areleading the way in offering a unique refundscheme for Boscombe.

Town News

PLEASE MENTION “IT’S ALL ABOUT BOSCOMBE” WHEN REPLYING TO ADVERTS

Open: Mon to Fri 9:30am -14.30pm; Sat 9:30am -17:30pm

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LOCKSMITHLOCKSMITHLOCKSMITHRETAIL & TRADE COUNTER81 Palmerston Road, Bournemouth BH1 4HW

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“When we heard Britannia Parking was looking to implement this weimmediately looked at the logistics of matching the offer and that iswhat we have done. Now we are in discussions with the Chamberover implementing something like this in other areas of Bournemouthsuch as Westbourne.

“We’re a premier tourist destination and parking services are a vitalpart of the overall customer experience. Offering visitors deals likethe refund scheme is an obvious step and one I think businesseswill appreciate.”

Steve Kent, Chair of Boscombe Traders Association commented:“Boscombe is a great place to live, shop and visit and this is a fantasticscheme which can only help to benefit shoppers and traders alike inthese difficult times.”



Ashley Road bridge works and park ‘n’ ride schemeDrivers are being urged to use the correct diversionary routeswhen travelling to and from Boscombe during Network Rail’sbridge closure (October 19th to December 19th inclusive).Drivers who are caught using Kings Park will be issued with a£60 Penalty Charge Notice.

With shops, restaurants and other local businesses in Boscombeopen as usual the Council has implemented a number ofdiversionary routes:

▼ From the west go via Wessex Way to St Paul’s andSt Swithun’s Roundabouts and on Christchurch Road

▼ From the north and east leave the A338 Spur Road atCooper Dean and follow the ‘Boscombe’ signs to go via Ifordthen onto Christchurch Road and through Pokesdown

▼ From Bournemouth Town Centre or Christchurch, the normalroute via Christchurch Road is not affected.

Working with the ‘Friends of Kings Park’ and in line with the FiveParks Act, the Council has opened the park up to buses only. And to encourage more people into Boscombe a park and ridescheme has been introduced, which will mean shoppers, residentsand workers can park for free at Kings Park (in the council carparks) and pay 10p return to hop on the bus into Boscombe; thereare eight buses an hour.

Boscombe PrecinctMerry Xmas 01202 309867

& Happy New Yearto all our customers

Town News


Right then, onto to more pressing matters ~ what about the reef?The autumn season should have brought the epic Atlantic swell thatwould set our new baby alight, but it was yet to appear. Speculationin the press was mounting, and concerns were even raised over itssafety (ridiculous ~ it is a wave in the middle of the sea, how safedo they want it to be?).

Luckily come launch day the reef decided to show its finer colours.With the south coast basking in a meaty swell and offshore windsthe reef turned it on. It is definitely not a wave for beginners and itwon't be long before someone snaps a board, but in the author'sopinion it is definitely a success. Granted it may not be quite as goodas some of the other more fickle naturally occurring south coastreefs, but when it is located 200m away from a surf shop,a bar/café/restaurant and a car park it should definitely prove asuccess. Regional classic? That is still open to debate, but the comingmonths should prove that Weight's Reef was money well spent!

Contact Oli at [email protected]

Welcome to round two of The Green Room andyour next update on all things surf in Boscombe inOctober and November (sadly at the start ofNovember my dawn patrol dreams came to an endas I moved back to Southampton!).The end of September and beginning of Octoberwere pretty much flat here, so the author decidedto cheat and head to the warm azure waters ofthe western Algarve to satisfy his addiction towaves. But what welcomed him back to the UK?

Short days and drizzle, the British autumn hadfinally arrived! Wave wise the start of October wasonce again uneventful and, combined with thedarker mornings, the author's dream of dawn anddusk surfing was being hit by a few lay-days (surfspeak for ironing board flatness!). Salvation cametowards the end of the month when the clocksrolled back and Neptune decided he would senda bit of swell our way.

A messy three foot rocked up for the lastweekend of October, even cleaning up a bit lateon the Sunday afternoon to provide some goodrides on the banks next to the pier. The last weekof October saw the remnants of this swell slowlydie, although it was just big enough for theauthor to take advantage of the lighter morningsand get his last pre-work surfs in of the year.

10PLEASE MENTION “IT’S ALL ABOUT BOSCOMBE” WHEN REPLYING TO ADVERTS

Phot

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li Sm

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Photo courtesy Oli Smith

The Green Room



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The Bourne Spring Centre exists to promote a community spirit in the

Springbourne, Boscombe and nearby areas by offering a scheme,at reasonable rates, to hire facilities to new and emerging community groups.

The facilities range from small meeting rooms to a large hall suitable for parties,music events and theatricals.

www.thebournespringtrust.com 01202 392288

Boscombe’s Inspierational Get TogetherAll readers, friends and family are invited to join Inspieration(The Friends of Boscombe Pier) and their sponsors at the pierentrance on Sunday 13th December at 3pm for their carols andmusic event down by the Pier.

They hope it is a fine, crisp evening, but if a little of the wet stuffshould fall from the sky, they will huddle under the windbreak onthe Pier so please go wellwrapped up against thewet and cold just incase!

They are hoping toretreat to Urban Reefafter the singing for aglass of somethingwarming and a chat.

If you’d like any further information please contact :E: [email protected] W: www.inspieration.org

Date for your Diary


PLEASE MENTION “IT’S ALL ABOUT BOSCOMBE” WHEN REPLYING TO ADVERTS

Health Centre. A visit to BARAKA would not be complete without a tripto the Basement where there are more unique gifts to be found.

Adults will fall in love with their range of winter clothing which includes,party dresses, winter coats and jackets, hats, bags, scarves and thelatest arm warmers from Nepal.

Gift vouchers are available, which are valid for 12 months and there’seven a free gift wrapping service.

Even better news, Baraka are open Sundays in December from 10amuntil 4pm.

You can find Baraka at16 Sea Road, BoscombeFor workshop bookings call: 01202 394949or visit www.baraka.uk.com

Looking for something different thisChristmas? Want gifts that don’t cost theEarth? Then it’s time to visit BARAKA!

BARAKA is an Aladdin’s cave full of unique,handmade, unusual gifts and treats for everyone.They have many items from £5 to £20 perfect forChristmas giving and living. They stock silver andcrystal jewellery, fairies and dragons, tarot andangel cards, throws, quality incenses, candles,oils and burners. Just follow the scent down SeaRoad and you’ll find them on the corner.

Why not give a gift with meaning that couldchange someone’s life this Christmas. Treat yourloved one too, positive and inspirational books,music, DVD’s, Crystals or a treatment or readingsdownstairs, at The Moontree Gallery and Holistic

Little Gems ~ Gifts with Ethics

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Map index of advertisers

Map not to scaleTO BOURNEMOUTH

1. Streamline Warren Taxis2. B’mth Vehicle Repairs3. Bourne Spring Centre4. B’mth Boarding Cattery5. Singleton Motors6. Cutwise Flooring7. McKinlays/Abacus Financial

8. Armour Plate Security9. Bonmarché10. Dorset Contract Flooring11. Apple Blinds12. NorthwoodUK.com13. LINks14. Alpha Dental Repairs

15. Southbourne Blinds16. Spritual Healing17 Baraka18. Rosie’s Café19. Bunty’s Beads20. Urban Beach21. Urban Reef

TO CHRISTCHURCH

911

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Get Gardening ~ Winter WonderlandsGet into some winter 'lipstick gardening' and pepup your patio or doorstep. With just a couple ofwell chosen, well placed planters you can makea new addition to your outside space that willput a spring in your step throughout the winter.

Euonymus fortunei cultivars are the ideal evergreenshrubs for the job with their bright, beautiful leavesand attractive growth habits. Choose a couple ofthese and some matching pots to give your patio aninstant eye-catching makeover or make your shrubborder glow.

November is the perfect time for tree planting,even better than spring, because trees plantednow will have all winter to settle in to their newhomes before bursting into life when longer daysand higher temperatures return. Try to pick a timewhen the ground is drier because although trees(like all plants) need to be watered in, most don't liketo be waterlogged!

Celebrate Christmas with plants this year! Use themas decorations inside and out give living gifts tofriends, family and neighbours. Spruce (Picea) andChristmas rose (Helleborous) make perfect partnersfor creating Christmas magic in the garden or on thepatio. Most of all, enjoy plants and nature this winter.

For all your gardening needs, visit Golden Acres Nurseryat 359 Christchurch Road, West Parley BH22 8SJTel: 01202 570033 W: www.golden-acres-nursery.co.uk




Editor’s ChoiceLike everyone, we’ve eaten out many timesover the years. Pubs, restaurants, cafés andbistros ~ some good, some not so good, somewere big and some not so big ~ some madeyou feel welcome others made you wish you’dstayed at home!

When it was suggested to me that I visit Rosie’s inRoumelia Lane by a friend I was surprised ~surprised because it’s pretty rare for us Brits to makesuch an outspoken statement of appraisal . . . it’sreally not in our nature . . . so, I thought, I must makethe effort to see what Rosie’s is all about and findout why the place had made such a goodimpression on my friend.

“Is great to see you, what can I get?” was thewelcome from the friendly face behind the counter.A beaming smile and an amusing Italian accent,Rosie made us feel totally at ease from minute one.

We ordered a couple of teas and found ourselvesa seat and it wasn’t a minute before the gentlemannext door struck up a conversation with us.Seemed everyone was just as friendly. As peoplecame in and out of the café Rosie introducedeveryone to us and within no time at all we weremade to feel like regulars!

We felt peckish so we ordered Lasagne ~homemade Lasagne at that! When the food cameRosie was eager to give advice as to whichdressings should be used on the salad in order tobring out the best in the specially imported Italiantomatoes and peppers and she was happy to tell us

how the lasagne had been made.You could tell she really cared!

The lasagne was fabulous ~ nodoubt that this was homemadeand totally fresh, even the teatasted really good!

Then came time to pay, two teasand a generous plate of lasagne ~ a £10 note handed over the counter and still got some change back!

Next time we’ll try some of her homemade cakes, or, maybe we’ll giveone of her Gut Buster Brekkies a go ~ either way it’ll be a pleasure tospend another hour at Rosie’s:-)

Why don’t you take a trip to Rosie’s Mediterranean Caféat 4, Roumelia Mews, Roumelia Lane Tel: 01202 398100

Mortgage & Financial Advisers

01202 646960www.abacusfinancialoptions.co.uk

305 Holdenhurst Road, Bournemouth



The weather's gettingcolder, the nights are

getting darker so that can only mean onething. The festive season is nearly upon us.Yes, Christmas ~ the time of year when weare all cajoled into “eating, drinking andbeing merry”. And therein lies my biggestproblem with Christmas.

As a fitness fanatic, I don't want to beencouraged to eat more than usual (althoughsurprisingly I don't mind being encouraged todrink more than usual, especially if someoneelse is paying!) and I positively hate being toldI've got to be cheerful just because it's Christmas.If I want to be miserable, I will.

There are so many reasons to be miserable atChristmas: decorations and cheesy music in theshops seemingly from August onwards; prices ofquite normal foods inflated because there's asprig of holly on the packaging; traipsing aroundshops for hours on end buying presents forpeople you don't even like; having to eatBrussels sprouts with your dinner, which ofcourse has to be turkey; having to play gameswith your family instead of watching that goodfilm on the telly. The list is endless.

Perhaps worst of all is the office party.The pressure's on to spend your precious leisuretime with the same people you are forced to

Just for a giggle:-)by Pete Granger spend seven hours of your

life with every day anyway.And you're chargedhandsomely for theprivilege, with an extrapremium added “becauseit's Christmas”. It wouldn'tbe so bad if offices still hadtyping pools ~ at least then there was the chance that you might get akiss from young Tracy under the mistletoe. Nowadays, with the adventof computers, we all do our own typing, so the only kiss we're likely toget will be from ourselves.

No wonder I hate Christmas:-)



Recipe courtesy of Tansy Austin, Head Chef,Café Boscanova, 650 Christchurch Road, Boscombe

Tel: 395596 E: [email protected]

Method

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees. Grease the tinsthoroughly. Sift the first three ingredients into a bowl.Separate and beat the eggs, discarding the yolks. Add the melted butter and orange zest.

Fill the muffin cups 3/4s full. Top each one with atablespoon of mince pie filling and top with a coupleof cranberries. Bake for 15-20 minutes. When cool,dust generously with icing sugar.

Christmas Friands(Free-ands)with Mince Pie Topping

250g of icing sugar

125g of ground almonds

75g of plain flour

180g of melted butter

17

Food bites ~ Easy Christmas Baking

Seasonal Friands Christmas can conjure up the Domestic Goddessin all of us. People who rarely plan a meal inadvance are suddenly drooling over magazinearticles and cookbooks, fretting about the bestkind of mince for their pies, and learning how toroll out marzipan.Come January, many of us find ingredients in ourcupboards that we barely recognise, all of them boughtfor the Christmas Baking Frenzy. Things like Pistachionuts, dried cranberries, and jars of mincemeat. Intentionsare always good but sometimes, as much as we try tocreate a picture-book Christmas, real life gets in the way.Friands, an Aussie take on a French classic, are light andeasy-to-make cakes that can be dolled up for Christmas.The recipe here calls for mince pie topping but you canmake friands with all kinds of variations. Try them withpistachio nuts and stem ginger, or cranberry, orange andwalnut. If you want to try before you cook, Seasonal Friandswill be available at Café Boscanova throughout December.

Makes 12 muffin or cupcake size cakes

6 egg whites

Zest of 1 orange

1 jar of organic mince pie filling

A few fresh cranberries


What’s On

In and Around TownFor Christmas only◗ Late Night Shopping in Boscombe Wed’s

Except Primark: Thurs until the 17th

Every week ◗ Youth Club Mon’s

St John’s Centre, Shelley Road. 4.30-6.30pm◗ Community Football Project Thur’s

Boscombe Chine Gardens8 - 13 years: 5-7pm; 13 - 21 yrs 7-9pm

◗ Art on The Pier Weather permitting Sun’sBoscombe Pier. 11am-4pm

December◗ Pantomime ~ Snow White Sat 5

Pavilion Theatre◗ Carols for the People Sun 6

BIC. 6pm


◗ Christmas Craft & Gift Fair Sun 6Highcliffe Castle

◗ Ice Skating Sat 5 Dec ~ 21 FebBIC. Pre-booking recommended.

◗ Ray Froggatt & His Band Sat 5Regent Centre, Christchurch

◗ Puttin' on the Christmas Ritz Wed 9Highcliffe Castle. 2.30 & 7.30pm

◗ Bournemouth Symphony Chorus- The Joy of Christmas Thur 10St John's Church, Boscombe. 7.45pm

◗ Puttin' on the Christmas Ritz Fri 11Regent Centre, Christchurch

© Derek Grant Organisation

Sun 24 Jan ‘10Pavilion Theatre



◗ Carols by Candlelight Sat 12Start Christchurch Rd entrance to Chine Gardensand walk through gardens to the Neptune. 4.30pm

◗ Inspieration’s Christmas Carols Sun 13Boscombe Pier. 3-4pm

◗ Coffee Morning Fri 18Boscombe Library. 10.30-11.30am

◗ Extravaganza Fri 18A celebration of how the Bourne Spring Centre came to be.Bourne Spring Centre

◗ Abeng Kwanza Xmas Celebration Sat 19Bourne Spring Centre. 2-11pm

◗ Carol Concert Sat 19Boscombe Precinct. 12noon

◗ Boscombe Market Mon 21 ~ Thur 24Additional market days in the run-up to Xmas with children's’ rides and family fun entertainment

◗ New Year's Eve 2009 Gala Ball Thur 31Pavilion Ballroom

◗ One Nation - The End of Year Finale Thur 31O2 Academy, Boscombe

January 2010◗ Autumn Organ Concert Series 2009 Thur 7

Pavilion Theatre◗ BSO Classics with Kirill Sat 23

Pavilion Theatre◗ The Snow Queen Sun 24

Pavilion Theatre

February 2010◗ The 2010 BIC Wedding Show Fri 5 ~ Sun 7

BIC

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A Lighter Look on Life

We all know the story about Santa don’t we?He lives on North Pole along with his wife,elves and reindeers. Elves help him toprocess the requests of millions of childrenwho write letters to Santa every yearrequesting toys.

On Christmas Eve, Santa wears his famous redsuit with snow-white trimmings, puts all thetoys on his sleigh and nine reindeers areattached to the sleigh to pull it. The bright rednose of Rudolph the Reindeer acts as anindicator to lead Santa and the other reindeerin the right direction. I’m sorry if this comes asa shock, but, I have reasons to doubt this:

1. There are no known species of reindeer that canfly. BUT there are 300,000 species of livingorganisms yet to be classified, and while most ofthese are insects and germs, this does notcompletely rule out flying reindeer (which onlySanta has ever seen.)

2. There are 2 billion children (under 16) in theworld. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handlethe Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhistchildren, that reduces the workload to 15% ofthe total ~ 378 million according to PopulationReference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 millionhomes. One presumes there's at least one goodchild in each.

Does Santa Really Exist? 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the differenttime zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east towest (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santahas 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down thechimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under thetree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, getback into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that eachof these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth(which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of ourcalculations we will accept),we are now talking about .78 miles perhousehold, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to dowhat most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding andetc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,



3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, thefastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, movesat a poky 27.4 miles per second-a conventional reindeer can run,tops, 15 miles per hour.

4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sizedlego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, notcounting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land,conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Evengranting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMESthe normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine.We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload-not evencounting the weight of the sleigh-to 353,430 tons. Again, forcomparison-this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormousair resistance-this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion asspacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair ofreindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second.Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously,exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonicbooms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporisedwithin 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will besubjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity.A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would bepinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion: If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve,he's surely dead now.


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Useful Contacts

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Complementary Health CareThe Alexander TechniqueThe Alexander Technique has been tried and testedsince the 1890s, and teaches you how to 'use'yourself correctly. It is also an effective way ofremoving aches and pains associated with 'misuse',and helps to improve smoothness of movement.John Edwards LTCL LRAM MSTAT gives lessonsin Boscombe. Tel: 01202 293917 E: [email protected]

Carpentry & General MaintenanceLuke PhillipsReliable and conscientious, fully qualified, carpenterand general handyman for all of your generalhousehold repairs and maintenance.Tel: 07590 677454

Boiler BreakdownGas Boiler ServicesHeating and plumbing engineers.Tel: 01202 253968 M: 07926 039137

Cleaning ServicesRebecca WalshHousehold and office cleaning. Reliable service.One-offs, ‘as and when’ or regular cleans welcomed.Tel: 07545 565117

Pet ServicesBournemouth Boarding CatteryThe caring cattery FAB listed. Open all year.Tel: 01202 772683W: bournemouthboardingcattery.com

ServicesTo advertise yourbusiness here call01202 599077


SINGLETONMotors & Welding Specialists◗ Vehicle Repairs ◗ MOT’s & Servicing◗ Body Work ◗ Welding

01202 3936829A CAPSTONE PLACE - BOURNEMOUTH - BH8 8RW


Bos Mag Dec 09

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