Journal of Counseling & Development ■ Winter 2005 ■ Volume 83120

Book & Media Reviews

In the broader mental health field, there are many grief-related publications potentially invaluable to counselorsand counselor educators. Since Kübler-Ross’s (1975) land-mark On Death and Dying, texts dealing with death andbereavement have become mainstream, and a flood of bookson the topic have come out. Some publications, such asKushner’s (1981) When Bad Things Happen to Good People,touch us personally, while others miss the mark and bore uswith miscellaneous statistics and vague recommendations.Somewhere along this continuum, a few texts manage toprovide an in-depth analysis of the pertinent issues whilealso inspiring us with poignant stories of human pain, loss,and recovery. In her work In the Presence of Grief, DorothyBecvar (2001) displays a deft touch in presenting salientissues people encounter in dealing with death and grief re-covery. Although Becvar, a marriage and family therapist,has published on related issues, such as euthanasia and theimpact of death on families and couples in counseling, hercurrent book takes a wider view of death, dying, and be-reavement issues.

The basic premise of the text is that grief is a fundamen-tal, necessary cleansing emotion that recedes with time, sup-port, counseling, and even spiritual faith—although it neverquite dissipates completely. Becvar counsels the reader toembrace grief as a close companion that accompanies usthroughout the arduous process of bereavement, loss, andrecovery. Much of the existing literature, as disparate as C.S. Lewis’s (1975) own raw recovery account in A Grief Ob-served and Kübler-Ross’s (1975) On Death and Dying, hasfocused on grief management and recovery. Becvar natu-rally addresses these aspects as well, although through amélange of professional literature reviews, personal insights,and self-discoveries of clients, as well as her own painful

story of bereavement. Thus, we not only view the conceptsof grief and loss through the clinician’s lens but also fromthe highly personal account of a grief-stricken motherwhose 22-year-old son, while training for a triathlon, issuddenly struck and killed by an inattentive driver. It isthe author’s heartbreaking saga that frames the text andprovides a solemn reminder of the arbitrary nature of lifeand death.

Becvar divides the text into 13 chapters contained in twosections. She begins with research and background in tha-natology and moves through issues such as anticipated deathand euthanasia, physician-assisted suicide, and unexpecteddeath of family members to searching for meaning and ulti-mately to “reclaiming joy.” While reading the text for re-view, to borrow from my own tradition, I experienced anallegorical sense of beginning deep in a personal valley ofdepression and meaninglessness and moving gradually up-ward to reclaiming life meaning and a sense of purpose. Thisreclamation, illustrated both in personal as well as profes-sional terms, is portrayed as heartfelt and real, as the authorcites vivid portraits of the way death affects survivors.

In Section 2, “Grief in the Context of Therapy,” the au-thor gives us three chapters on issues clients are likely toencounter in coping with the grief process. This section fo-cuses on funerals/memorial services, the importance of ritu-als, well-meaning but misplaced advice from well wishers,and finally reclaiming joy. This latter focus on rituals andjoy may give some readers a degree of difficulty, dependingon their spiritual or religious orientation. Although the textdoes not promote any particular religion or spiritual path,the author clearly expresses her belief in the importance ofspiritual beliefs and rituals, whether they are Jewish, Bud-dhist, Christian, or otherwise. Although there is no overt

Shannon Hodges, Mental Health Counseling Program and College of Education, Niagara University. Correspondence con-cerning this review should be addressed to Shannon Hodges, College of Education, O’Shea Hall, Niagara University, NY 14109(e-mail: shodges@niagara.edu).

Book Review of In the Presence of Grief:Helping Family Members Resolve Death,Dying, and Bereavement IssuesShannon Hodges

In the Presence of Grief: Helping Family Members Resolve Death, Dying, and Bereavement Issues by Dorothy S.Becvar, 2001, New York: Guilford Press, 284 pages, $23.00, ISBN 1-57230-937-7.

© 2005 by the American Counseling Association. All rights reserved. pp. 120–121

Journal of Counseling & Development ■ Winter 2005 ■ Volume 83 121

Book & Media Review

attempt to denigrate say, an atheistic view, it’s simply thatwhat her language related to spirituality (e.g., “knowl-edge by being,” “mystical experience”) and her emphasison the established traditions that faith communities pro-vide seem inherently transcendent to me. The author, fur-thermore, takes a huge personal and professional risk whenshe describes an experience she believes was her deceasedson’s attempt to contact her—something accepted in manycultures but dismissed as superstition by many mainstreamhelping professionals in Western society. Regardless,many grief-stricken people do indeed find comfort in spiri-tual or religious traditions, while others will find spiritualtraditions hollow and devoid of meaning.

The chapters in the book use many illustrations and sto-ries from the experience of clients. Becvar demonstrates akeen balance between providing information for better un-derstanding of the faces of grief and clinical examples illus-trating the varieties of the grief experience. An aspect of thebook I found particularly relevant was the author’s use oftherapeutic conversation and reflections at the conclusionof each chapter. The author’s own traumatic narrative of herson’s untimely death and her attempt to both make sense ofthe tragedy and deal with the draining demands of planninga funeral, contacting relatives, and haggling over finer de-tails with funeral directors and religious officials all high-light the grim reality of untimely death and survivors’ suf-

fering. Becvar’s mix of her personal grief saga with that ofprofessional insights might elicit criticism of boundaryconfluence. In my view, however, the author’s willingness toremove the mask of the detached clinician and reveal herhuman vulnerability only enhances her credibility as anexpert in the field of grief counseling and therapy.

Although I am long on praise of the text, there are a fewthings missing from the book. Despite a wealth of informa-tion offered for bereaved individuals, few specific techniquesare offered for professionals who deal with grieving fami-lies. The section on unmarried partners and gay and lesbianfamilies is too brief and needs expansion. While such omis-sions must be noted, the book remains a viable, useful textfor grief counselors, graduate students in counseling, medi-cal professionals, religious leaders, hospice workers, andanyone else interested in the grief recovery process. Throughpersonal grief stories, highlighted struggles, and case stud-ies, Becvar illustrates a detailed portrait of an eventualitywe all must face: that of our own mortality.

References

Kübler-Ross, E. (1975). On death and dying. New York: Macmillan.Kushner, H. S. (1981). When bad things happen to good people.

New York: Schocken Books.Lewis, C. S. (1968). A grief observed. New York: Bantam-Doubleday.