Journal of Poetry Therapy [jpth] ph080-jopt-362459 November 8, 2001 18:18 Style file version Nov. 19th, 1999

Journal of Poetry Therapy, Vol. 15, No. 1, Fall 2001 (C© 2001)

Book Review

Before You Forget: The Wisdom of Writing Diaries for Your Children , KellyDuMar. Sherborn, MA: Red Pail Press, 2001, 227 pp, $14.95, trade paperback.

One of the great gifts of journalkeeping is the way that chronicling lifeexperiences create a deepened sense of self. Similarly, one of the tasks of effectiveparenting is to provide an environment where the child can develop an enduringself-concept. What might happen, then, if journalkeeping were combined withparenting?

Kelly DuMar explores this pairing in a fresh way inBefore You Forget.Her basic method is simple: Keep a diary for each child, written directly to himor her, in which you observe, describe, reflect and respond. Content is drawnfrom everyday life—those priceless, funny, poignant, heartbreaking, intimate,maddening, ordinary moments. Unlike personal diaries, in which the first-personvoice reflects the self as audience, these diaries “are written directly to each childas if writing letters to their future selves. . . . (The) ‘you’ is a multidimensionalaudience. You are writing to your present child and your growing child andyour grown child all at the same time. . . . Whereas memoir, autobiography andbiography look backwards from the other side of the door, diaries for kids begina life story and imagine where it might go.”

DuMar, a journalkeeper since adolescence and a psychodramatist andlicensed mental health counselor, offers dozens of ways to capture the“extraordinary power of ordinary stories.” Pragmatic, clearly written chapterscover topics such as capturing the mystery and meaning of everyday life;writing adventure stories; comedy, mishaps and mischief; affirming kids’accomplishments; rites of passage; nurturing creativity; managing conflict;sibling harmony and rivalry; and connecting with children through change.Each chapter ends with “Diary Door Openers—specific writing topics andsuggestions.”

Liberally sprinkled throughout each chapter are excerpts from the diariesDuMar has kept for each of her three children since gestation. Offering modelingas well as illustration of her points, the stories also give us a glimpse into theinevitable intimacy captured with only a few minutes’ writing time. This sample,

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C© 2001 Human Sciences Press, Inc.

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from a chapter called “The Wisdom of Children,” follows DuMar’s observation,“One reminder children regularly give us, if we stop and listen, is to slow downand pay more attention to the beautiful and mysterious things in life that we maybe taking for granted.”

To Landon (age 2), July 27, 1989Tonight, you discovered the moon. . . . You saw it for the first, joyful time,and once yougraspedthe moon, it was all you wanted. . .even though it was10:00 p.m. and Papa [Dad] and I were at the end of our strength on the endof our day, both just home from work. Papa had taken you up the street a bitto wait for my car, and on the way he introduced you to the moon, that wasfull.

When I came home. . .you started coaxing me off the couch w/ a funny wordI had never heard you use, and you were pointing toward the door, “Loon! Loon!”I followed you, and we went to your bedroom window and you showed me themoon you had just discovered. . . .

After you slept, I thought of writing, and then ofnot writing, and it was onlythen that I realized the joy you must have been feeling, the joy you almost missedcommunicating to me in my exhaustion and preoccupation of a long workingday. . .

Although the emphasis is clearly on the child’s story, told with tendernessand accuracy, DuMar does not hesitate to point out the opportunities forself-observation and clarity for the parent as well. DuMar’s training as apsychodramatist is evident in a chapter subtitled, “Parents as Storytellers,Children as Stars.” In a succinct 13 pages she clarifies how to developthe “storyteller within,” reviews the basic structure of stories, and discussescrucial points such as themes, character, plot, point of view, and how towrite dialogue. The chapter ends with a reassuring discussion of diaryentriesversus diary stories, in which she reminds us that fleeting impressions,slice-of-life moments, and scant one-sentence jottings are both valid andvalidating.

Before You Forgetis a refreshingly energetic and most welcome entry to theincreasing body of literature in journal therapy.

Kathleen Adams LPC, RPTDirector, Center for Journal Therapy

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Editor’s Note: The Journal of Poetry Therapyincludes reviews of books ofinterest to poetry therapists. Of special interest are thematic poetry anthologiesthat deal with personal issues and experiences, as well as books about any aspect

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Book Review 43

of the therapeutic use of literature and writing. To be considered for review, booksshould be sent to:

Charles Rossiter, Ph.D., C.P.T.Book Review EditorJournal of Poetry Therapy705 S. Gunderson Ave.Oak Park, IL 60304