Bonus Anger Management

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ANGER MANAGEMENT

OW T O C ONTROL Y OUR NGER T O G ET T HE M OST

O UT O F Y OUR L IFE

NGER M N GEMENT T IPS ND E XERCISES

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H EALING THE P AIN O F ANGER B Y TAKINGR ESPONSIBILITY O F YOUR ACTIONS

There are many different reasons why people may suffer from anger managementissues, but the way in which their anger is portrayed is often very similar. Itsnever their fault! Have you noticed that? Its your fault for making him late for a

meeting. Its the kids fault for making too much noise during a favourite TVprogram. Its the fault of every other driver on the road for contributing to thetraffic jam on the way to work. Its the fault of everybody and everything else.

Some people have the kind of disposition that makes it possible for them to seethe lighter side of problems, to deal calmly with whatever life throws at them andto always remain positive. Does this mean that nobody has made them late? No.Does it mean that their kids arent noisy? No. Have they ever been stuck in atraffic jam? Yes, of course they have. So its not the fault of the situation, its thereaction to the situation which creates anger problems.

A very important aspect of dealing with anger related problems is by realising thatits not always everyone elses fault. If someone bumps into you and spills coffeedown your shirt, step back, think, did they do that on purpose? of course not, sois it their fault? not really, its an accident and accidents happen. By steppingback from a situation and trying to see it from the other persons point of view canbe an extremely positive step forward in managing your anger and leading to ahappier life for all.

By allowing your anger to get the better of you can make even the smallestsituation soon escalate into a massive problem, and the sooner you realise thatnothing good comes from losing control, the better.


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R EDUCE THE S TRESS YOU H AVE I N YOUR LIFE

In this modern, fast-paced world, stress is around every corner. We are understress at work to achieve more and more, we are under stress at home to providemore and more for our families, we are under stress on the way to work, traffic

jams, packed commuter trains, we are constantly bombarded by telephones andemails, its kind of like the whole world is geared towards stressing us out. Whileto a certain extent many people can thrive in this environment for a short time, itis equally important to take time out and reduce as much stress as possible inorder to live a long and happy life.

Some people find that sport is the best way to reduce stress, particularly if you areengaged in mentally difficult tasks during the week. If you are cooped up in anoffice from Monday to Friday, you may find it relaxing to get onto the soccer pitchevery weekend, or play a game of tennis or squash with friends, using pent up

physical energy and you will probably find that you come away feeling physicallytired yet calm.

For some, however, who are physically stressed throughout the week, they mightfind it more relaxing to listen to music, or just to enjoy a pleasant dinner or chatwith friends as a way of relaxation. To join an evening class can be extremelytherapeutic for some.

The important thing about relaxation is that it takes your mind off the things whichare making you stressed in the first place. You may think that you are too busy totake time off, but mark my words, a few hours spent relaxing will be more thanpaid back in extra efficiency and clear thinking when getting back to the tasks athand.


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D ISRUPT O LD P ATTERNS O F ANGRY B EHAVIOR , R EPLACETHEM W ITH H EALTHIER O NES

We all feel angry from time to time, and while many people learn to deal with theiranger as a normal part of growing up, some other people find it more difficult toreact to situations which makes them feel angry in an irrational way, and lose theirtemper very quickly. Fortunately, this learned behavior can be successfullyunlearned, and new, healthier patterns of behavior replace it.

Children learn much of their behavior from watching their parents, and if youalways tend to overact in an angry way to some situations, then the chances arethat your children will learn that it is the correct way to behave. The best way toraise a calm, controlled child is for him to be brought up in a calm, controlledenvironment. To lead by example is the single most effective course of action youcan ever take.

If you child does start to show traits of poor anger management it is important tostop the situation quickly and calmly. Do not fight anger with anger. Instead,calmly and firmly find out what has caused the anger, and talk it over to find asuitable solution to the situation. Just by saying stop you can successfullyinterrupt the negative behavior pattern and reinforce a more positive way ofdealing with the situation. You may find it necessary to teach your child somesimple techniques so that they can learn to control themselves.

By taking deep breaths and counting to ten, you can successfully remove yourselffrom a stressful situation enough to be able to cope in a more rational andmeasured way. By practicing these techniques in front of your children they willsoon learn a more positive and healthy way to react to situations, and grow up tobe more balanced and happy adults.


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D ON T D WELL O N THE P AST , LOOK FORWARD ANDACCENTUATE THE GOOD I N YOUR LIFE

How much time do we spend thinking about the past? Plenty is the answer to thatone. Sometimes we remember the good old days, when the kids were young,when we were young, a particular holiday or event, when life was more fulfillingand fun (in our memories anyway).

Unfortunately we also sometimes remember the bad times, regret decisions wemade, or didnt make, the old what if Id done that? scenario. Well, although thepast has formed who we are so far, the present is the only thing which we canreally do anything about. Dont dwell on the past, the past is the past, its gone,finished, over, and although we can certainly learn from experiences in the past,to re-live the past instead of focusing on the future can only hold you back.

Yesterday is gone, but tomorrow, wow, tomorrow, who knows what might happen,a whole new day to explore and use for the benefit of improving the future of youand all those around you.

By looking to the future you can shape the rest of your life, not the part of the lifethat has already happened, but the rest of your life, the part thats still to come,exciting, new and different. Focus on the good things in your life and how you canmake them even better, live each day to the full and your future will get brighterand brighter.

Make plans for the future; give yourself something to look forward to. Book avacation, organise a party, visit friends, enrol on a course for something which

youve always fancied having a go at but never had the time, weve all got one ofthose hidden in the back of our minds. Look to the future, its bright, its coming,whether you like it or not, and its there for you to enjoy so make it a good one.


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TALK ABOUT YOUR ANGER

Much anger is borne out of frustration and cooped up emotions, and to learn totalk about your anger can be an important method of therapy for anyone who islearning to deal with anger issues. If someone, for example, makes youparticularly angry, dont just lash out or shout, but remove yourself from the

situation and try to stay calm. It is then a good idea to talk to the person whomakes you angry and try to come to a satisfactory solution. Tell them why you feelangry and what happened to trigger the reaction. Probably they will realise thatthey make you angry, but will have no idea why, and to discuss the situationcalmly can be a positive experience for both parties.

Sometimes you may find it difficult to know exactly why you are angry, and in thissituation it is important to really try to analyse your feelings. Very often it is notthe actual trigger which is the cause of the anger; it can be deep rooted with somefeelings from your past, or something which happened earlier in the day which hasmade you feel frustrated or uncomfortable in some way.

By joining a therapy group you will have the opportunity to not only talk aboutyour own anger experiences, but also listen to those of others. You may find itsurprising that your experiences are not so very different from many others in thegroup, and that by learning what works for them it could possibly be the same foryou. Sometimes the reason can be staring you in the face but you just haventrecognised the fact, but by someone else acknowledging it you realise that its thesame for you.

Just by opening communication and talking about things you can really let outwhats deep inside of you and be a much calmer, happier person. This will be abenefit not only to you, but also to those around you.


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B REAK THE ANGER CYCLE B Y TEACHING YOUR CHILDRENP OSITIVE W AYS O F D EALING W ITH ANGER

Children are learning from their parents all of the time, even when we forget thatthey are there they are still watching and learning from our behaviour and how we

handle certain situations. To display road rage while your child is in the car isdisplaying to your child a negative way to deal with anger, and your child willpossibly follow your example. In order, therefore, to teach our children to dealwith anger in a positive way, we must lead by example.

When dealing with a very young child it is important to remember that they arestill learning how to deal with emotions, and if you deal with their tantrums bygetting angry yourself, you are really teaching them that it is ok to do so. Try andremain calm when dealing with angry children, (I know its easier said than donesometimes), and you will teach them that there is a way to work through angerand control it so that it doesnt have to become out of control.

Everyone gets angry for a reason, even children, and an important step is to findout the reason for the anger. If you can talk to your child about these reasons youmay find that you can help them to deal with it in another way. It may be thatanother problem, at school or with friends is the real cause for the anger, and itmight be something which can be solved with a little adult help and advice.

Do not fall into the trap of reacting to anger with anger. Patience andunderstanding are much more positive reactions, and hopefully once the childrealises that he or she is in a safe, secure and loving environment there is no needto show uncontrollable anger at all.


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USING VISUALIZATION AND RELAXATION TECHNIQUES TO CALM YOURANGER

Art and creative expression can be very useful forms in which to manage or calmfeelings of frustration and anger. By relaying our inner feelings and emotions ontopaper we can sometimes rid ourselves, or at least come to terms with the innerturmoil which could otherwise engulf us and cause angry and destructiveoutbursts.

This technique has often been used as a way of helping children to cope withperiods in their lives which have been unpleasant or frightening. Children who aresad or disturbed by something will often draw dark and abstract pictures, and bybeing able to display these feelings and then, if necessary, to rip up the picturesand throw them away, it can be a therapeutic exercise which helps them to dealwith otherwise impossible memories. They may find this much easier than actuallytalking about their ordeal.

When using art and visualization as a technique to calm your anger it is importantto let yourself go. Dont worry about the finished product, whether it will be a nicepicture, just draw and paint whatever you feel and let it all out, regardless ofothers.

Another way which you may find helpful in dealing with anger is through danceand movement. By moving, unselfconsciously, maybe repeating moments whichyou have lived through and find particularly disturbing, or moving in a way tocombat things which have happened to you can be a very freeing experience andhelpful therapy for anger issues.

Relaxation techniques can also be very useful when dealing with angermanagement issues. Deep breathing from the diaphragm, for example, is known


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to relax the body and leave you feeling calmer. Take time out in your day to reallypractice this for a few minutes and you will be amazed at the results.

ATTENDING SUPPORT GROUPS AS A POSITIVE OUTLET FOR YOUR ANGER

Once you have acknowledged that you have an anger management problem, thenext step is to decide to do something about it. Of course, realising you have aproblem is a very important step in itself, and there are plenty of self-helptechniques which you can use to help you to control your anger instead of allowingit to control you.

There are plenty of self help groups around, and there is sure to be one in yourlocal area if you just take the time and trouble to ask. By attending a supportgroup for anger management you will join a group of people who all have similarproblems, and you may be surprised at how many other people have the same

daily fears and problems as you do. It might take a while before you feelcomfortable enough in front of these relative strangers to open your heart, whichis necessary for you to be able to address your issues, but just by listening toother people will be a big step forward and you will soon realise that youre notalone with your anger control issues. Other peoples experiences can often helpyou to deal with your own problems.

Anger support groups can be a very useful tool in your anger managementstrategy, but it is also important to practice self help techniques betweenmeetings. In this way you will be able to report your progress to the rest of thegroup and share positive experiences. For many people, the simple technique ofstepping back from a situation, taking a deep breath and counting to ten can bevery effective, and this is something which you should think about whenever youcan feel yourself starting to get angry and are in danger of losing control.


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W HY YOU N EED AN ANGER MANAGEMENT P ROGRAM

For many people who suffer from anger management problems, realising that theyhave the problem and are ready to deal with it is the first real step towards solvingthe issues and making life more enjoyable for everyone concerned. Many peoplewho suffer from anger issues will try to deal with the problems themselves, andwhile there are some very useful techniques which you can use, it is really moredifficult to try to combat anything of this nature alone, and you are much morelikely to succeed if you join an Anger Management Program. Of course, you wonteven agree to join a program until you really acknowledge that you need help, andthen thats already the first step towards dealing with the problem.

There are three major advantages to joining a professional program, and Illoutline each of them for you now.

The first benefit is the fact that you will have a knowledgeable, professional personguiding you through every step of the way. While you may think that you canmanage alone, it is always preferable to have someone beside you who knows thepotential pitfalls.

Secondly, this person can act as a motivator. While going through any lifechanging process, stopping smoking, drinking, or anger management, there willalways be down times when you need someone who you trust to encourage andmotivate you.

The last reason is to measure your success. How will you know whether you aremaking satisfactory progress without someone there who knows the score?


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By joining an anger management program you can make new friends and comparenotes, compare things which have worked for you, encourage each other andreport on your own progress. Its really much better and more successful thangoing it alone.

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