7/28/2019 Blogs.telegraph.co.Uk-If You Really Want to Cause a Stir Casually Light Up a Cigarette When People Least Expect It

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I 'm please d to rep ort that Tori has g one cold turkey since this pho to was taken

If you really want to cause a stir, casually light up a cigarette

when people least expect itBy Tim Stanley Society Last updated: March 18th, 2013 152 Comments Co mment on this article

Yesterday, I f ound myself

alone on Brighton pier in the

rain, scof f ing a doughnut and

smoking a cigarette. It

probably looked like my lif e

had f allen apart and I was

sleeping on the beach, but as

I wheezed my way through

lunch I deluded myself with

the thought that smoking has

become a mark of social

distinction. There was a time

when everyone did it, but now

it f eels like a statement of

character something that

screams at the liberal

f ascists, "It's my hot body and

I'll do what I want!

Caught on a nicot ine-libertarian high, I got to thinking about the o ther revolutionary signals that smoking

can send - particularly when its done when least expected. So I went on Twitt er and sourced f ive

suggest ions f or instances in which casually lighting up a cigarette can really turn heads. For these I owe

thanks t o the general public and several Telegraph journalists who had nothing else t o do on a Sunday

afternoon:

1. The job inte rview. Youre half way through and things are go ing dangerously well (nobodys not iced

that both your references are in the same handwriting). Time, then, to t est the character of this of f ice:

wait until youre half way through detailing your love o f team work, casually pull out a packet of Camels,

st ick one between your lips and light up. Two possible outcomes: a) these bores will turn you down and

you can go back on the dole or b) they'll think Heres a risk taker who will brighte n up the ChristmasParty and of f er you the job. Its a win/win situation.

2. Before , aft er or preferably during a sporting event . There can surely be no healthier sight than a

British champion on the Centre Court o f Wimbledon st riking a serve with a ciggie between his teeth

letting the world know that he doesnt care if the ball goes in or out, hes just here to have a good t ime.

That's the t rue sport sman spirit. Other examples might include a goalie with t ime to kill or to steady ones

nerves bef ore a 100 metre sprint.

3. In a public swimming pool. Ive actually seen this one done at a resort in Majorca and its quite a

sight: a loud man standing up to his waist in water with a cigarette in his mouth teaching his f at kid how

to swim. When he was done, he carelessly f licked his butt into the deep end. Sordid, I know. But givenhow many children pee in that water, youre basically wading through sewage anyway.

4. While giving birth. Yes, I appreciate that this is a very unhealthy thing to do and absolutely not to be

encouraged at all. But if giving birth really is as horrendous as people make out Id imagine that there is

no o ther moment in life when a girl could use a smoke more. So, if she wants to whip out a cigarette then

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSMhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSMhttp://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/timstanley/100207610/if-you-really-want-to-cause-a-stir-casually-light-up-a-cigarette-when-people-least-expect-it/http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/timstanley/100207610/if-you-really-want-to-cause-a-stir-casually-light-up-a-cigarette-when-people-least-expect-it/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSMhttp://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/timstanley/100207610/if-you-really-want-to-cause-a-stir-casually-light-up-a-cigarette-when-people-least-expect-it/

7/28/2019 Blogs.telegraph.co.Uk-If You Really Want to Cause a Stir Casually Light Up a Cigarette When People Least Expect It

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Id say stuf f the maternity ward regulations and go f or it. Of course, when he hears the good news that

the baby has been born, the f ather could be f orgiven fo r having a cheeky puff , too although hell have

to go outs ide to do it because they dont allow smoking in pubs anymore.

5. On the balcony of St Peter s having just been elected Pope. This isnt entirely unfeasible:

Benedict XVI (the Pope of Hearts ) is supposed to have a gourmets taste f or Marlboro Reds. Indeed, I

suspect that no thing would work better to humanise our out-o f -touch institutions than lett ing us see

our world leaders unwinding in a cloud o f smoke. Barack Obamas margin of victory over Mitt Romney

wouldve surely been twice as big if rather than answer a quest ion in a debate, hed have sighed, pulledout a packet of cigarettes and enjoyed a good toke. Rumour has it, the world's worst president is doing

his best to quit as I write.

If theres a serious po int to be made here, its how dramatically our cultural attitudes have changed in the

last twenty years. Things that were taboos when I was a child now are not (sex, drugs), whereas things

that were once considered perfectly normal (smoking, going to church, Neil Kinnock) now seem

anachronist ic. And those of us who have refused to entirely surrender the o ld ways have also evolved

f rom perfectly ordinary citizens to eccentric relics.

I suspect that we keep on doing what weve always done partly out of habit, partly out o f nostalgia but

also out o f resistance. If you want another reason why Nigel Farage is so popular with the dyingvanguard of Old Right Tories, its probably because he smokes. Cultural symbolism is very import ant in

politics and theres a lesson f or Mr Cameron in that. If Dave wants to win his base back, dont bother

withdrawing fro m Europe or abolishing income tax. Just be caught by the paparazzi smoking a pipe in a

pub garden. It ll guarantee a landslide for 2015.

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