Blogs of war

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Text by Wedad Naser. For all of Wedad’s blog posts, see npaid.org/wedad

Photos by Mahmoud Hamada and Julie Offerdal

For more information, please visit npaid.org or e-mail npaid@npaid.org

A Palestinian mother’s account of the 2014 Gaza war

Her children do not leave her wherever she goes. They feel protected. She smiles a little as she looks into their eyes, thinking: “I carry you

by my teeth and run from one place to the other trying to protect you, but I cannot guarantee this protection. I want to hide you in my eyes

and close them so that the wolves searching for victims do not see you. Do not blame me if I do not manage; it’s not in my hands. If it was up to me I would give you my soul so that you

could live and I die. Please forgive me because I know I will fail”.

Text by Wedad Naser. For all of Wedad’s blog posts, see npaid.org/wedad

Photos by Mahmoud Hamada and Julie Offerdal

For more information, please visit npaid.org or e-mail npaid@npaid.org

words during war The blogs in this booklet were written by Wedad Naser – Program Officer for Norwegian People’s Aid in Palestine – throughout the war that took place between July 7 and August 26, 2014. Like all of Gaza’s 1.8 million women, men and children, Wedad became a victim of the war, just because she lived there. For 51 days, her regular blogs gave us glimpses of her experiences. By expressing herself, she managed to give a voice to those who were not able to speak. I am proud, impressed and humbled by Wedad’s ability to put into words what she and others endured.

The war resulted in the loss of 1,486 civilian lives and caused 11,100 injuries. The number of fatalities is still growing. More than 100,000 people lost their homes, and the UN estimates that 373,000 children in Gaza are in need of therapy.

All proceeds from this booklet will be dedicated to helping children in need of trauma support in Gaza. This way, Wedad’s words will not only document the injustice of the war but can also help bring relief to some of the many children who survived it.

Palestine has been occupied since 1967. The Gaza Strip has been under blockade for more than seven years, during the last six of which people have endured three wars. The 2014 war brought unprecedented civilian suffering to Gaza. The occupation must come to an end. Now more than ever, all efforts are needed to allow a durable peaceful solution to prevail for the sake of all civilians in Palestine and in Israel.

Gaza City, November 2014.

Jenny Oskarsson, Country Director NPA Palestine

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We are alive! 16.07.2014

Today is the tenth day of the war and no hope of a truce until now. We, the people living in Gaza, have to prepare ourselves that this war will have an open end.

Eleven days ago we had a relatively calm life. Going to work, visiting relatives and friends, shopping. Going out with the family to the sea. We tried to convince ourselves that everything was ok and we were practicing our right to live.

Living in the tenth day of war brought to my mind the previous two wars in 2012 and 2009. Each of the three wars had its characteristics. This war is characterized by the destruction of houses.

Blogs of war

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Shelling is the master of time and place during these days and nights. The intimate friend of all Gazans is the radio. Local FM channels are the source to follow to find out where is being shelled and to get news of those killed and injured.

At 03:20 while I was listening to the radio, I heard a soft sound and I told myself that it sounded like a warning missile. Usually, but not always, the Israeli forces fire a missile from a drone in order to give people a chance to leave before the F16 missile hits. I started to look around but did not know where the shell would hit if that was a warning. I live in a building with nine floors, next to another building with 14 floors. More than 200 people live in both buildings.

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While I was thinking about that, a huge explosion took place. I panicked and started to run to my little ones. My husband was faster and closer to their room. He went inside and picked up the two girls from their beds. Our windows had shattered as a result of the heavy shell so he was injured in the face and neck when he entered the room. We moved immediately from the girls’ room and waited for the second missile to be fired.

We were on the floor and the girls were in shock. Immediately it came: big, intense, destructive and massive. While we were on the floor my heart felt like it would stop. The sounds shattered us: the sound of glass upon our heads and bodies, the people screaming, so scared and helpless. The shelling seemed as if it was inside my home.

After the second missile was fired I looked around, trying to find out where the shelling was. All of a sudden I saw a wall that was not in its place in the building next to ours. The shelling was in the opposite flat.

I had to wait until 06:00 in order to be able to see the destruction that occurred in my flat. The broken glass was everywhere, doors were broken, and the fridge door was crushed. I started to clean up and have been cleaning up until now. How do I feel? Confused, scared, sick, distorted. Honestly, I cannot believe that I and the family are still alive!

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18.07.2014

My little one who will turn five on July 27 asked me in the morning if missiles kill children. I lied and told her that they do not.

She saw the children that played on the beach and were directly targeted and killed. She saw the mothers of the children screaming and asked “Why do the Israelis do this?” I stood speechless. She knows the shelling and the sounds of the warplanes. She even tells her sister to keep on playing since the shelling is not that close. Her sister will soon be eight and she has witnessed three wars so far. I do not know how many she will witness by the time she turns 20.

Last night, while waiting for the rumoured truce of the coming day, everyone was surprised to hear that the Israeli armed forces were soon to start their ground attack on Gaza.

The heavy night had only just begun and we did not really know how it would end. At 03:30, five missiles were fired on two locations in the building next door. The kids were asleep and woke up very scared. I must say that I feel blessed because I still see my kids alive. Many families lost their children. The shelling is intensive both day and night. It is still going on as I write these words. Uncertainty is the sole master in this unpredictable situation. No words can describe the situation now. Nothing!

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19.07.2014

It has become dark again. All Gazans hate nights these days. Ramadan breakfast used to be a big celebration for all. Now, we do not feel when to eat and when to remain fasting.

The radio does not give us pleasant news. Tanks are shelling the border areas of the Gaza Strip. Do I feel scared? Yes and no. I do not want to taste the bitterness of losing one or both of my kids in front of my eyes and being unable to protect them. Or me being killed in front of their eyes and having them suffer all their lives remembering that scene. The last option would be that all of us would be dead and none of us would be sad for the other. This might be the best solution.

20.07.2014

Parents in Gaza these days feel all the failure in the entire world. They are unable even to protect their own children. They lie when they tell their children that everything will be ok, knowing deep inside that this is not true. All our children may die before our eyes when a missile from the warships, warplanes or tank shells hit them. Parents will only feel the bitterness of the loss.

If we survive this, how can we heal the children’s scars from the war? What will we tell a child that has lost all its family and will live alone the rest of its life? What will we tell a child that saw its father or mother killed with the body left in the street and no one able to bury it? What will we tell a child that lost its home when a warplane destroyed it in the blink of an eye? All their memories of playing, studying, eating and enjoying their time with their families are also destroyed.

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22.07.2014

Under the rubble in the Ash Shuja’iyeh area there are dead bodies. People are not allowed to take the bodies to bury them. In this heat, what will happen to the corpses? Clashes are still heard in that area. People are being stopped from entering.

When ambulances enter to assist the injured and take the dead bodies, Israeli soldiers attack them. A few days ago one of the rescue team members was shot dead and today an ambulance was denied access in the Khan Yunis area, and was shot at with three rockets.

In Gaza no place is safe; in Gaza one has to be prepared for all possibilities. All options are open to death.

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23.07.2014

It’s been a long time since I saw my mother. Each time I tell her that I want to come and see her she refuses because she says she couldn’t forgive herself if anything happened to me on the way. She says: “Your children will not forgive me ever and will blame me”. I am trapped, and I feel so sad. I really miss her and dad. Poor people, how many wars they have witnessed since 1948 when they immigrated! What justice do we have in this world?

My parents still don’t know that I evacuated from my home because the building next to it was targeted several times.

My mother is scared for me and the kids and she tries to forget that these days whole families leave this life together. No one knows what they were dreaming of before they died. Maybe they were dreaming of seeing Palestine liberated and the people of Gaza treated as humans. Maybe they were dreaming of getting out of Gaza’s big jail and enjoying basic human rights. Or maybe they were dreaming of a better future for their children than the life they had.

I MISS YOU MUM!

loss of lives and injuries in the 2014 gaza war2,189 Palestinians killed. Cumulative death toll expected to rise.1,486 of the people who lost their lives are believed to be civilians, including 513 children. 11,100 Palestinians injured, including 3,374 children, 2,088 women and 410 elderly people. Source: UN OCHA

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25.07.2014

To give you a little description of the daily life in Gaza, I should tell you that if you stay home you are not safe, since a shell could target a neighbour and you may be killed or injured. Standing at the door of your home with some friends is not safe; Israeli aircrafts could shell you with the rest of them. Walking in the street is not the best thing; you might be shelled if the Israeli aircrafts do not like the idea of you walking around. Getting into a taxi is absolutely not a good idea because you do not know the other people in the taxi. If you order a taxi, you do not know if the driver is wanted and a shell could suddenly destroy the taxi.

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28.07.2014

Eid means feast. Today is Eid al-Fitr, celebrated by Muslims all over the world. On this morning, Ramadan ends and people break their fast. This day is supposed to be accompanied by a celebration, joy and happiness, especially for children. They wear new clothes and they have new toys.

Where are we now? Most of the people that I know evacuated their homes. They are staying with relatives or friends whose places they think are safer than their own, although there is no safe place in Gaza.

Many parents didn’t tell their children that Eid is today. For children all days are alike, so they will not know unless an adult tells them. I believe that we parents did not tell the children because we wanted to avoid more questions that we do not have answers to.

Destruction of infrastructureElectricity: scheduled 12 hours of blackout per day, up to 18 hours in some areas.450,000 people in Gaza are without access to municipal water.75 health facilities (17 hospitals and 58 clinics) are damaged to varying degrees.Source: UN OCHA

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29.07.2014.

Last night was the worst since the beginning of the war on Gaza. It was dark and detestable. It took with it many innocent souls. I stopped counting. All residents of Gaza were awake. People stopped calling each other as the shelling was constant, loud and intense. If people are not killed by the shelling, they will be killed by heart attacks. Most people, relatives and friends, do not think that they will make it until this war ends.

In all the different countries of the world, parents hope that their children’s future will be better than theirs. The parents work hard to guarantee a decent life for their kids. In Gaza, I, along with all other parents, look into the eyes of our kids and ask ourselves one single question: Where shall we hide you? Where? When I hear the loud sounds of the shelling, I wish I could close my kids’ eyes and ears so that they do not hear or see the other little ones turning into parts. ‘Where?’ is the difficult question that has no answer! The kids close the eyes of their dolls because they do not want them to see the brutality. They want to keep living in an innocent world. I wish they could.

The other question that we keep asking ourselves is WHEN will all this finish? When? Although we are aware that we will not have a normal life after this nightmare ends, at least we want to stop hearing the air strikes. We do not want to see the fear in our children’s eyes. We want to go and check on our sick parents and help them. We want to stop lying to our children telling them everything will be ok. These days, mothers tell their kids to be strong and to take good care of each other if she gets killed. They do not dream about tomorrow because they are aware that they may not make it.

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31.07.2014.

Yesterday, all of a sudden, we heard in the news about a humanitarian pause from 15:00 until 19:00. The pause was a unilateral one announced by the Israeli side and it was not accepted by Hamas. When Gazans heard about the pause many of them decided to go out. Some of them visited their families and many went to the market to get basic necessities. Others ran to bakeries and stood in long queues to get bread for their families.

I was among those who decided to go and visit family. I bought them bottles of water and walked up the eight floors since there was no electricity. When I arrived, mum told me that there had been neither electricity nor water for two days. My mother had filled some small tanks with water in the previous days for hygiene purposes.

After 45 minutes, when I was about to leave, I heard a big explosion followed by another. And the clock had not yet passed 19:00! My mother panicked because she was worried about how I would get back. We did not know where the explosion was or what the target was. To be honest, I did not know how to react. I looked at my parents and my daughters who were beginning to get scared. I tried to stay calm in front of them all. I took the decision to leave and get back home as quickly as possible. Thank God we arrived safely.

When I got home, I followed the news and found out that the Israeli troops had fired many shells, targeting one of the markets in the old city. Eighteen killed and more than 200 injured.

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05.08.2014

“When this shelling stops, I want you to get me a big doll that talks and has dresses”. This is what my little daughter keeps asking me for when this war ends. Although parents do not like to give in to all their children’s requests so as not to spoil them, here we do not know if this will be our children’s last request. She is only five and she wants to play with dolls!

Children from six to twelve are now aware that not all their friends in school will come back again to join them. They should also be prepared for many of their friends to have scars or burns on their faces and bodies. Some of the teachers have been killed and others have scars and burns. Other friends will not come to school from their homes but from the homes of their relatives, since they do not have families anymore. All their family members are gone. Their names were deleted from the civil record registration. Of course I am being optimistic, thinking the schools will be open on time! Where will the internally displaced people go then? Schools are the emergency shelters that people have sought refuge in.

06.08.2014

Stories, stories from every corner of Gaza. Normally when someone dies, people have three days of mourning where others come and convey condolences. During the war, people have not been able to have those days because of the constant shelling and being scared to go out. Now in Gaza, the mourning has started. Everywhere you can find people conveying condolences to each other.

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07.08.2014

Today we came back home. I felt blessed. I looked at the damage but soon realized that I was much luckier than others who lost their entire homes and have nowhere to stay.

When I entered my girls’ room, where most of the shelling was, I recalled the memories of the night when I panicked. It was a miracle that their dad entered the room and brought both of them out. My daughter reminded me today how her bed had been completely covered in shrapnel and glass. “Thank God we are fine”, she said.

She is aware. She will soon be eight and she knows the situation now. It’s not easy to keep telling her that things are ok when she can see for herself that things are really not fine.

08.08.2014

Another house has eaten its owners. It went so far as even to hide their body parts. Those that survive will ask the rubble about the memories that it has swallowed.

Women who have lost their houses say with bitterness: “We had houses once, we laughed there, cried, shouted, received people, we were once a happy family, we ate together, played with our kids, then all of a sudden we wake up from the dream to find ourselves in UNRWA schools looking at each other’s misery”.

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10.08.2014

Normal life in the Gazan dictionary means not hearing shelling day and night. It does not mean that people can go back to their homes, however, because they do not have homes anymore. It does not mean family reunions because many do not have families. It does not mean children can prepare to go to school because the schools are full of many guests that have nowhere else to go. Then what would a normal life be? It means being able to spend the night without fear of being killed. The nights we have witnessed in Gaza during the war will not be forgotten in the coming months or years. It will take us a while to sleep normally without fear.

Damaged homes and Internally Displaced PeopleAround 13% of the housing units in Gaza were damaged, including up to 20,000 homes totally destroyed or rendered uninhabitable. As a result, 108,000 persons in Gaza have become homeless and live in temporary shelters such as UN schools or with host families. Source: UN OCHA

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12.08.2014

Together with other families, she is sitting on the floor with her kids. They are all from different areas of the Gaza Strip. Together in one classroom they sleep next to each other, talk, eat and, above all, fear together.

She can barely find space to stretch her legs. More than 90 people have shared the same classroom for more than 20 days. One school has more than 3000 people. The queue for the ladies’ room is long and she must be prepared to wait for a long while.

Her children do not leave her wherever she goes. They feel protected. She smiles a little as she looks into their eyes, thinking; “I carry you by my teeth and run from one place to the other trying to protect you, but I cannot guarantee this protection. I want to hide you in my eyes and close them so that the wolves searching for victims do not see you. Do not blame me if I do not manage; it’s not in my hands. If it was up to me I would give you my soul so that you could live and I die. Please forgive me because I know I will fail”.

“When we go back home I want you to play with me and cook the food that I like”, her little one said. She is only a kid and does not know that her old life will not come back. No house exists.

She did not sleep for long. There is a lump in her throat. No light is shining in this life nor into this school. She can only see the moon through the window of the classroom. She complains to the moon. It listens.

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“When do you think this will end? If it ends do you have any idea where my kids and I will go? Do you think we will survive? Even if we do not survive no one would care! To the world we are only numbers, not humans. For more than seven years, we have been trapped in the biggest jail ever and we died every day - a hundred times - and no one cared. For many years the sick have not been able to leave because of the blockade. For many years we have not been able to be happy. We’ve had to feel that electricity for six or eight hours a day is sufficient. For many years, people have not been able to eat fish because the fishermen are not allowed to go far out to sea. Our children have only heard about the outside world and are not able to go and visit it. If I was killed, I would only be a number. The world sees our pain only in numbers on the death toll! My family, who has lived the same life as me, would be sorry because they know that I did not live while I was alive. War has only added more misery and swallowed all my beautiful memories. War has left me empty inside; I am not who I was. War is bitter and women taste this bitterness even more.

Human rights have no value if they are not translated into action on the ground during tough times. Where are the resolutions which are supposed to protect us during this war? She does not believe in rights or resolutions anymore. They were made by people in peacetime and will remain in the drawers because they were silent at the time they should have spoken.

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20.08.2014

We cleaned our homes, our hearts, and we were full of hope waiting for good news to come from Egypt.

While we were still dreaming amid all that optimism, huge sounds of shelling were heard in different places across the Gaza Strip. We panicked! The shelling sounds were crystal clear. It shook the buildings and the people. Whom did death call this time? Who will not be with us in the new life?

I was hoping to write cheerful news to you. My apologies, my friends, it seems like we are not civilian enough to have a decent life. I have started to doubt the meaning of being a civilian these days. It seems that Gazans are classified as non-civilians while they are still babies. If they were civilians, why would they be targeted and killed while they are still unable to open their eyes or say their own names?

Civilians in Gaza are considered as “moving targeted objects” that can be targeted anytime and anywhere. The meaning of “civilian” has therefore changed and I believe this should now be circulated worldwide. The definition of “civilians” in dictionaries should be changed accordingly. The definition of a “civilian” in Gaza is someone that could be killed but doesn’t have the right to be retrieved from beneath rubble nor buried if found. Above all, being a “civilian” in Gaza means that all legal or illegal weapons can be used on you; and if they do not kill you outright they may cause you constant illness which you will have to live with for the rest of your life. Gazans are an open lab for experiments with weapons.

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23.08.2014

It’s very dark outside and people are very quiet. They are not asleep. Everyone is awake. We do not know what will happen next. We all know that we can be targets. When you live in Gaza, you can be both a civilian and a target, regardless of if you are accused of doing something or not. If a bird is wanted and it stands by your window, then the entire building with all its inhabitants is a target.

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30.08.2014Hee you two little roses of the heartHee you two butterflies brought sunlit to my lampLittle roses are jumping in my life’s yard againAfter the roses withered some murmuring allowed them back into the corner of the lifeAfter the roses lost their leaves the angels carried them to sit beside the riverMy little two roses bloom with smilesMy two little roses are back to life

Dear all, Yes, I made it. I am alive. My little family is also ok. We are fine, yet we are recovering. What we have been through was a lot and all of us here in Gaza need some time to get back to normal life. The war is over, but before it ended it killed many living things inside us.

Am I happy? Of course I am. I am happy because we will live without being afraid of shelling. I was afraid that our ears got used to the news of killing as something normal. I was afraid we would start drinking the news of death as we drink milk. And we eat the news of the injured and the displaced as we eat our bread. During the past days of the war, no day passed without hearing about numbers of people killed, injured or displaced. Bad news was the air that we were breathing.

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Now we are facing the truth. Little ones are being told that they have lost their parents. Little girls are allowed to look in mirrors and to see that they are not sleeping princesses any more. Their faces are full of scars which they will live with all their lives.

Many of my friends have become displaced. While watching their homes fall to the ground, they realized that their memories were buried in the rubble.

Shock is the only survivor of the war. You can see it all over. On faces, in rubble, in the hospitals. Shock is drawn on our faces and in our eyes. People look at each other with bitterness. Many people do not have words to say. However, inside they know that they are very lucky to be alive.

I will continue to believe in tomorrow. I will not lose hope. I am determined to assist in making the future better for the kids. I will continue to urge children to love life and enjoy it. Above all, I will encourage my kids to love others and always to think that tomorrow will bring peace and prosperity.

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Almost 400,000 children in Gaza are in need of psychosocial support after living through the violence of the war. Norwegian People’s Aid works together with local partner organizations in a Psychosocial Support Project for children aged 6-12 years. Through activities such as singing, dancing, drawing and playing, the children can freely express themselves. The goal is to alleviate symptoms of stress, anxiety and trauma.

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