Heart

Heart

HeartBruce Lyon

White Stone PublishingAotearoa - New Zealand

White Stone Publishing

23 Gar!eld Street, Brooklyn, Wellington, New ZealandPhone 64 21 188 6118 whitestone3@gmail.com

First published 2008Reprinted 2012

© Bruce Lyon, 2008Except as provided by the NZ Copyright Act 1994, no part of this publication may be reproduced by any process, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior permission of the author. Requests and enquiries should be directed to White Stone Publishing.

Lyon, Bruce Philip, 1957–Heart / Bruce LyonISBN 978-0-473-13771-7

Editor: Barbara MaréPhotographs by Sharon LyonCover artwork by Barbara MaréPrinted by Printing.com, Wellington

Contents

"e White Knuckled Fist...................................................................1Let’s Start with a Confession .............................................................2Eros ....................................................................................................3Kaiya Enters the Stream ....................................................................4Shona .................................................................................................5"e Sowing ........................................................................................6"e Lion of the Desert ......................................................................7A Time to Rot ...................................................................................8Even the Dead Heart will Stir ...........................................................9HEART speaks through Heart to the remnants of the self (RotS) .............10Raising the Dead .............................................................................14"e Longing of the Monad .............................................................16Small "ings ....................................................................................17Dark Light .......................................................................................18Last Confession ................................................................................20"e Universe has Five "ings to Say About Hearting .....................22Shamballa .........................................................................................24Love Is .............................................................................................25Pohutukawa ......................................................................................26Identity "eft ...................................................................................28

1

"e white knuckled !st of Selfopens suddenly……empty

2 3

Let’s Start with a Confession

How can I begin to talk to you of freedomwhen my mind is still slick with ego oil?Or enter the mystery of lovewith a heart clogged by hopes of romance, praiseand a hundred hidden half longings?

I would rather stand in the silenceof that which cannot be knownthan let a torrent of gutted !sh words slapon the dark and sacred pavement of your listening

I will wait for the live heart He will break through the bottomof the wellbeneath the you–and–me waterHe will tear open that seal

Only a stream of lifewill liberate us from the dry rolling spitballsof our separate identities

Whatever gushes from that placewhere we are Oneis welcome hereand will make of any random human stonesa living poetry

Eros

And so I beginnot to write aboutbut into the world

"ere is something naked and intimatein lifting the pen or beginningto open the mouthwithout knowing what words will leapto clothe each gesture of loveemerging from the vast empty landscapeof the heart

At !rst there is only the smokeof two dry sticks being rubbed togetherthe friction between the individualand the universal

But then that same !reblazes forth through me that spins the galaxy or gets my granddaughtertossing her head from side to sideto silent music

I do not know whymy eyes are drawn to the curveof one particular branch onthe pohutukawa tree outside my windowor why the photo ofa small stone church in Switzerlandmakes me weepbut I know that in just this type of distinction lieswhat there is left of methat has anything vital to say

4 5

Kaiya Enters the Stream

I haven’t met you yetso what is this lovethis lightning in my chest#ashing so farfrom the moment of your birth?

A sudden tenderness liftsin me as I contemplateyour debut into a worldI have seen eat the heart out of many a human soul

And yet through that empty centrelife entersand it is life you bringa full measure of beauty and !ercenesslove and graceto carry on the dancethe divine mystery of livingin this green landof your ancestorson this blue globe-jewelof your choice

Gaia meet Kaiyawell come!

Shona

I want to use words to touch youwith what can’t be said in wordsthe way you touch me with whatcan’t be said with art

Our work is not just to make love visiblebut IS that lovingWe use di$erent tools and mediumsbut the heart is the sculptorfashioning out of an inarticulate claythese vessels that we are learning to drink froma living water

Sonnet or templesand, stone or smilewhat is realis the breath of lovethe act of breathingthe gentle rise and fallof the ribs

6 7

!e Sowing

"is summer Te Ra’s gardenproduced only one sun#owerand when its golden crown fell downone black seed was allthat was left to drop into the heart soilof the earth

A radioactive diamondof pure midnight"e planetary womb waitsuncertain how to nourishthis strange guest that does not seem to respondto moisture, heat or lightand yet is itself, throbbing with life

"en the awesome revelationthat brings the tired old serpent’s tailinto her mouth

"is beginning is the end

You need not feed that which has come to feed you!

Earth is the guest at this banquet!

"e seed is not her childbut her parentless parentreturning with a cosmic inheritanceand the whole of creation come to witnessthe last become the !rstmaking earth, heart

!e Lion of the Desert

"e tawny tension buildsin the arid lands of the hearteveryone is thirstylooking for love instead of lovingcomplaining about the lack of waterand then, when the air is scorched with longingwhen the parched stones cry out for moisturea rumbling sounds down the dry riverbed of the inner life

All voices fall silentunder the roar of spiritshouldering its way from the highest to the lowestthrough the centre of all worldsBEING arrives and criesyou ARE the one you have been waiting forlet me break you open from the insideand water your desertwith the #ame of the one Life

You need more heat, not less!enough to turn the gold of the heartmolten and #owingenough to baptise your soul in rivers of !reenough to end your longing foreverenough to break you out of your half !lled bucketinto the burning ocean of Life itself

8 9

A Time to Rot And now I have beached myself herelike this dead seal must have doneto let the body of my old liferot on these dunes

"e stench is that of all things outgrownphilosophies relationships,the way I hold fear in my bodyand refuse to let the cloak of your love enfold me

"is is a day for decay#ay the dead self down to white bonesand let some Tasman storm scatter themlike the stones of an ancient templethat will never be rebuilt

"e heart is all I need for the new onethe heart is all I needthe heart is allthe heart

Even the Dead Heart will Stir No doubt parts of me will slink backto the troughtrading the bracing air of freedomfor the security of slopsand that fetid patch of mudat the back of the sty

But O do not re-enter the carcass!and grow accustomed to the reekof that corruptionBe like that wily king—Ulyssesand let me tie your hands to the mastlest the sirens rouge the cheeks of that old corpseand get it to twitch and danceto their spell

Do not…O never mindeven the deadest heartcannot help but hearthe blast of spiritsounding from the summitof that mountainwhere our true selves have gatheredto shake the very ground of beingwith a haka of resurrection

10 11

HEART speaks through Heart to the remnants of the self (RotS) RotS: What do you really want?

Heart: I want to be free. Free of you! Don’t tell me what to think, who to love or how to do it. Don’t tell me I can’t have what I want. Don’t tell me to be reasonable. "e heart’s a$ections are the HEART’s business. Repress me or try to control me at your peril. I do not belong to you.

I am the magnet that draws you into wholeness and healing. I bring energies together for the greater good. Stop me doing my work and I will—I must—attack you or leave ‘you’ to become heart-less. "e poetry will leave. "e grace will go. "e playfulness will retreat. "e love will evaporate and leave of your life a desert.

RotS: I am afraid of giving you control, my heart’s desire, for you sometimes seem to draw me without care for who gets hurt or what gets shattered in the process. You are one-pointed and mono-directional. You want one thing or person at a time and if I move towards that then pretty soon you will want something or someone else. It is said that desire is the source of su$ering so if I let you take the reins I am afraid I will su$er and others along with me.

Heart: I am not your heart’s desire. I am HEART. It is you who want one person or thing at a time. I AM everything and everyone. I only cause you problems when you ignore me or exile me. "en the pressure builds like a dammed river that, denied #ow, must project out into the world and cause enough havoc to get your attention. "e su$ering that comes from desire cannot be avoided by repressing desire or pretending it does not exist or rationalising it away. I EXIST. I am the force which impels the universe. I am Shakti. I am that which drives the dance. I will NOT be repressed or negated by that which is less than me! You may exclude me from ‘your’ world but then your world will be without the presence of the goddess. You cannot exclude me from ‘the’ world for I am the very substance of that world. My true mate is not you but the Shiva–in–you—He who would never negate or repress me, only join with me to create and recreate the sacred dance in each moment.

Your concept of what is right and wrong—your need to control everything around you comes from fear and not true power. You exist as a separate identity only to bring my energy and the energy of my true lover together in human consciousness and then your work is done and you will dissolve like mist in the morning sun.

Do you dare to decide what is best for the whole from your limited perspective? You are really deciding what you think is best for you! Let go O little one—child of our creation. Your work is almost done.

As HEART I seek to bring together that which is the greater good of the whole AND each of its parts. When the heart magnet is clear it expresses the cosmic magnet. When it is blocked/congested then it cannot process feeling and that gets projected out into the world and draws you towards it both positively and negatively. As HEART, you must realise—I am more powerful than you and you have free will. If you will not listen to the heart from the inside I will come to you from the outside as friend or foe. Either way I will overpower you for it is your destiny and the destiny of every other ‘part’ to be overpowered by love.

"erefore surrender to me. Listen to me. Move the way I would have you move and the sacred dance will continue to #ow through you and the creative force of the universe will live as your core.

I do not call you into ‘a relationship’ but to relate. Mental boundaries and constructs are your domain. Love is mine. I enter the forms you create with your will and mind but I leave them again if they do not honour the principle of love. When I enter your ‘relationship forms’ whether that be a human partnership, an agreement between countries or the Security Council of the United Nations, ‘love’ is present for that IS who I am. But you do not control me with your forms nor limit me. I am that which gave you the ability to create forms and that which in-forms them. I co-operate and am not separate from my counterpart, Shiva, who holds the still silent Purpose that underlies the whole of creation. We are LOVE and LIFE together. Who are you to second-guess that? Who are you to stand between us? Who are you to bring us together who have never really been apart except in ‘your’ consciousness? You are an illusion. You do not exist in any real sense. You are a construction designed to serve a greater purpose. Let go now. Die. Live! All that is real in you cannot be lost.

12 13

"ere is nothing to lose but your illusions—those shells in which you grew into maturity and which you–as–me have now outgrown.

It is not me that leads you into su$ering but your denial of me. Desire is not the cause of su$ering. What you call desire—the addiction and clinging to the unreal—is the result of refusing legitimate su$ering and repressing the spirit of movement—the spirit that seeks to express who you essentially ARE in the world. And who you are is not separate from who everyone and everything else is. And part of that ONE IS Desire. Cosmic Desire. "e desire of the little separated self is experienced by that self as a separated desire—separated from the life of the universe. It is NOT. Desire is always One whether sexual, emotional, mental or spiritual. It is not the desire for one thing or body for another. It is the desire—present in the universe itself—to express, to grow, to create its inherent wholeness through all of its parts.

When that irresistible force arises in your heart do not attempt to own it, repress it, rationalise it or negate it—all those actions emphasise YOU and you do not exist! Simply move with the force, for that force is you. Do not fear it or attempt to grip it for it will not lead you astray unless you do. Move with it—give your assent in consciousness to that movement. Find out where it wants to go and in what ‘vehicle’. Realise that it does not want any thing in the world for it already IS all those things—from a galaxy to a thoughtform to an atom. Whenever it seems that force wants you to possess anything in the world or enter into ‘a relationship’ question more deeply. Ask it—ask me—what does HEART really want?

Always I–as–you will seek to relate, not to ‘form a relationship’. What need is there to form that which already exists? As the energy of relating I will seek to reveal to you that which is already present between you and any other thing or being I draw you towards. "is relating will not result in the bolstering or strengthening of you as a separated self, but the dissolving of you.

I will not bring you what you want, but reveal to you who you essentially ARE. And that IS LOVE for I AM LOVE and I AM YOU.

If you leave me in order to possess that which I draw you towards then the result will be less love and not more. Humanity thinks that it needs things—and concepts are also things—because there is not enough love. "e reality is that humanity’s attachment to things—including self

concepts—is the result of humanity’s abandoning of the principle of love and not love’s abandoning of humanity. How can I abandon that which I essentially AM.

Stay with me! Open your soul’s !ngers! Release that which you grasp to feel safe. I am the principle of love. Marry me and you will stand in my waterfall forever. Or just visit and leave—taking buckets of me to the thirsty; but you will have to construct those buckets out of me and the handles will be made of the illusion of your separation from me.

Can you gaze on my face and witness my awesome power? If you do I will surely destroy you—you who never existed. And there will be nothing left but the sound of the falls—the silent roar of the true Lion of Life.

14 15

Raising the Dead "e wild self suddenly emergesout of a forest of workinto this small inner clearingand takes three sips of pure joyfrom a river that has not changedits course in seven generations

A song beginsor rather I begin, again, to hearthat throbbing call whichwaterfalls through the whole of creation"e ventricles of my heartvibrate in symphonytill I am like some human cicadapouring his longing into the afternoon heator a pohutukawa bleeding on the cli$s of mid-summer

Yes I know that somewhere, hiddenin the dark cave of Kali Yugathe hibernating heart of humanity itselfbeats with this self same bright and !ery life

Alive or deadasleep, awake or dreamingthere is that which sears throughall the seasons of consciousnessand lies curled like a ponga frondin the centre of every atom

And you and I my patient and my passionate friendwe have no choicewe cannot help but burn there

16 17

!e Longing of the Monad

Soul, she must take our personality clothesto the great river againand beat the soil of forgetfulnessout of them with a stone

One day she will bring them to live permanentlyin my ever #owing currentand we will spendlaundry timein each others arms

Small !ings

Today it’s the small thingslistening two beats longerbefore replying to my wifeholding my nephew’s hand for a moment in passingletting my gaze reston a #owercupping two hands to holdjust a little of the vast oceanTo enter being is to become smallsimple and slowthe way Kosmosdeliberately enfolds itselfin the heart of all things.

18 19

Dark Light

"e mystery of Shamballa can only be reached through the heartthe outer eyes cannot behold itnor the inner eye of the soulonly the eye of spiritthe eye of the heartcan see in the dark lightemanating from itselfas the centre of all centres

Neither in the outer worldnor in the innerand yet the core of bothneither lightnor its absenceneither full nor emptytimelessspacelessand yet eternally omnipresentat each point in time and space

How can I ever !nd my way back hometo that placeless placefrom which I sprang?‘I’ cannot……Knot…Not!…….

20 21

Last Confession

A !nal destination is an anathema to the seeking soulShamballa a !ring squadto the surrendered rebel leadereating his last ego mealon the edge of annihilationreading his will and last confessionin the winds’ calligraphyon the desert sands

"ere is no original sinits all derivativearising from the illusion of existenceI confess I have never really existedin spite of this persistent illusionNever having existed nothing I ever did thought or felthas left its mark on the stainless void

When they come for metell them I have already slippedback behind the curtainof eternal innocencethis is not poison on my soul’s lipsbut the cure

I no longer want to be a boddhisattvaor serve the greater goodthese worthy goals seem pretentious nowthe pre-dawn dreams of a waking soula rock pool’s brief kingdomin the twelve hours between tides

I would only be that which I cannot not bemy only purpose to have no purposeof my ownlet this individual life bea small and simple thinga grain of sandshaped by 51,000 tidesglinting in the Gobinothing more and nothing lessthan the living face of the universe

Let there be nothing left of mecapable of trying to achieve anythinghowever holylet me restin emptinessto go forth no moreand by remainingpermeate it allforever

22 23

!e Universe has Five !ings to Say About Hearting

If we can stop spinning long enoughto !nd our way to the centre

1. "e moon orbits the earthStop pretending you are your emotionsand !nd solid ground to stand onunite the four directionsand become yourself the !fth

2. "e earth orbits the sunWhen creativity begins the processof nuclear fusionnothing can stop you bursting into #ameBecome the love oven in whichthe hot cross personality bun is baking

3. "e sun orbits the black holeat the centre of the galaxyTrade your enlightenmentfor a higher form of innocenceenter the mystery and tastethe dark soma wine of being

4. "ere are billions of galaxiesin the universeyour liberation is not uniquea sponge has many holes with whichto drink the waters of life

5. "e universe has no centreno further need for the arrow of Selfnothing to look for, nothing to !ndno bull’s eye, no sinempty empty empty

Out of that timeless emptinessin timea fullness emergesand centres into a dark pool of beingRest in that pointbe without knowing and watch100 billion sunsburst into #ame around you

Choose one and feelthe lion !re of lovebreathe into the planetary embersEnter the molten iron core of earthand feel the longing of the motherfor her prodigal sonrelentlessly pulling the tides of self

Now, identi!ed with the over#owing fullness of the universere-enter the silvery cold moon wombas the seed of Life itself

24 25

Shamballa

Even the fertile earth falls silent herebeneath your consuming !re"e Gobi gleamslike the bald spoton the back of a monk’s head’Cause all men’s prayerssays Emersonare a disease of the will

Love Is

Divine intervention is the entrance of realityinto a !eld of illusion"is is not my heartit belongs in some strange way to Kosmos itselfI am not at the centreLove is

Seems like everyone is backing awayinto big mind these daystrying to get their noseson the outside of the ego glassslipping back into the Onesilent watcher who never enters creation…but something does

Before the universe—‘I am’but what’s behind this original faceof the primordial ego?what arrow can piercethat central heart?I will tell youfor in a kairotic momentthe mask of the supreme identityfell awayand love was all there ever IS

26 27

Pohutukawa

At the eye of this trianglestone, sea and airyou have been breathing all yeara magician, kindling inside youthe element of !re

A !re that rises nowand bleeds through all your branchesnot a wound but a giving fortha making holya life-giving celebrationan impossible #ow of love from some unseen reservoira shout of splendour that for three full daysreverberates in my heart

It is midsummer and I have just dug the garlicthe fruits of life are everywhereabove and undergroundand I am fruiting tooNow is the time to giveI surely feel this bursting joy each breath holds nectar for a hive of beescolour explodes in my head and tui’s beak !ts perfectlyin the curve of my throat I am dying I am livingquivering like a starwhose fuel supply has been just enoughto bring it to supernovacollapsing, not fallenbut surrendered to gravitylike a mountaineer, like Hillarywho has scaled his last peakand yet in letting go, dissolving

becomes the air which holds all mountainsin its embraceor the darkness of space that drivesbillions of galaxies towards their ownprivate destinies

What have I to give this summer seasonto match your crimson glory?Only thisIn my heart the same magicianhas been at workfashioning a thousand embracesthese arms have never delivereda billion lighted whirls of thoughtthese lips never formed into wordsone bright deed destined to shine for a lifetimeuncompletedand yet some strange alchemylifts all these impulsesand o$ers them anywaythrough what has been donethe secret shining glory of the small

I too have loved lifewith all my branches

28 29

Identity !eft

!e Self, "apping like a speared #sh on the trident.

As the one life I sense myself in all things. It is my sap that surges along the branches of the pohutukawa and #ames forth in crimson glory. It is my breath that spins the galaxy and each solar system is a mudra in my erotic dance. Each lover who caresses his darling is using my !ngers and it is my hand that wields the thief ’s knife in the dark. I sing through all solid forms and subtle imaginings alike. I dream and numberless universes arise. I reach out my hand and billions of life-forms know their creator—each in their own intimate language of love. And yet I am beyond all these acts and imaginings and forms. I am the silence of eternity, the stillness of the void and the absence of all sound. I am.

As a human soul I coalesce around a note, a colour and a planetary destiny. Shining forth again and again I have battled through the time and space of a solar system learning and yearning to be free. "is note of liberation I share with all and must harmonise with all other notes. My causal heart lifts and !lls each time humanity breaks free from another self-created chain. I draw qualities from other souls and send back a charge, the galvanising spark that encourages when all seems lost. As one with my core principle I am that !re which lives in every human heart that will never be put out. I am the will to persist, the determination to be free and the very light of victory which will one day break out for all of humankind. I draw my tawny strength from the heart of the sun and from the nuclear furnace of love which gives birth to all souls.

As a personality I struggle throughout the time and space of one human life on this unique planet earth. I long for harmony and to arrange my life and the life of those I love so that the art of living reveals the deep beauty that lies beneath the su$ering of competing demands on our being. At !fty, I still struggle with oversensitivity, want a better relationship with my children and would like to be at my ideal weight for the beach this summer. I alternate between cycles of solitude and cycles of engagement with others, but I have found a new peace with this oscillation. Nothing is ever perfect and therefore I am driven. Everything is always perfect and

therefore I rest. I am at root, nothing, and therefore I cannot take myself seriously. I am at root, everything, and therefore all I think, feel and do matters with consuming intensity.

And so I sit in the eye of this triangle tasting together the bliss/boredom of eternity, the joy/despair of service and the happiness/su$ering of creative expression and realise that these three I’s are but one self. "at self experiences reality di$erently because of the circumstances in which it is playing out its drama. "e universal, the transpersonal and the personal are one. "e three legs collapse under the table-top of identity and I fall through my own centre into what? All is empty. "e universe still dances, the blood still beats rhythmically at the temple but the silent watcher and immoveable mover of all things has gone. Subject and object collapse into their mutual origin. !e realisation of an identity is the "rst theft, matched only—and precisely—by the gravity of the multi-verse.

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