Big Ed Kaminski by Steven Donnini

8/14/2019 Big Ed Kaminski by Steven Donnini

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Big Ed KaminskiBy Steven Donnini

Copyright 2006

Steven Donnini

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Police Cruiser spotted a tail light out and pulled him

over. The officer asked Ed to get out of the car. That was

a serious problem for Ed since he weighed almost 500 lbs.

Ed refused and the cop got excited and pulled his gun.

Again he ordered and Ed refused without explanation. “If

you want me out, then take me out. Go on then just shoot

me.” He said. The cop called for back up. Ed went on,

“You’re looking at a whale of a problem here.” When the

second cruiser showed up Ed was sitting in the drivers set

smoking a Camel cigarette. The cop asked Ed for the keys to

the Lincoln. Ed said, “I can tell you right now I ain’t

gonna do it, so you better get that out of your pointed

head.” The cop said, “It may take an army of guys to get

you out of there, but if that’s what it takes so be it.” He

then tried to put hand cuffs on Ed’s left wrist. The cuffs

were too small. Ed said, “You mind as well give up. I’ll

bet you a hundred bucks you can’t do it.” Thirty minutes

later, several cruisers surround the Black Widow and 9 cops

are trying to push and pull Ed from the car, but no luck.

As a last resort, one cop walks over with a teaser. After a

few jolts the mountain of a man wriggled to his feet

outside the car door and grabs the cop by the collar,

snatches the teaser and zaps him in the groin. Within

minutes a highly trained Homeland Security Swat team has

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arrived at the scene. They don’t know exactly what to do.

There’s no training exercise that involves the arrest of a

500 lb black man. The police videotapes showed a mass of

men in black police uniforms wrestling and zapping Big Ed

with stun guns into a police truck that was designed to

hold 10 men.

When Norma Donaldson, from the James Law office picked up

Big Ed from the Orange County Jail, he was bruised, hungry

and tired. Norma, “Your Lincoln is in the city pound. Do

you want me to drive you there?” Big Ed, “Yup. How about we

stop at McDonald’s on the way?” Norma knew by the look on

his face it was way past feeding time.

While driving through the McDonald’s take out, Ed confided

in Norma about his coming wedding to the lovely Priscilla

Swains, the 1997 Miss Black America contestant from

Lakeland, Florida. In fact, they are old friends from and

University of Florida. Although Priscilla has gained about

150 lbs. she appears tiny beside Ed. With the trial for

resisting arrest and assaulting a policemen looming, Ed and

Jimmy James believe they have a case for police brutality.

The police videos support their claims and make the best

evidence. Jimmy says, “It’s a slam dunk.”

The Wedding day arrives and everyone from the Jimmy James

law firm suits up for the wedding and reception at the

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Edgewater Yacht Club in Orlando. The banquet room was

filled with old friends, family and enough ex-football

players to make up an offensive squad.

Jimmy James is sitting at his desk looking at a wedding

photo of Big Ed and Priscilla. “When I first saw the police

video of Big Ed and the Orlando Police, I knew there was

going to be a big payday for Ed. But it would take a few

years in the courts to get the city to write a check for

$4,500,000. By that time the couple had 2 children, Big Ed

suffered a fatal heart attack and Priscilla gained another

55 lbs. She became a woman of means in a town where old

money meant you had moved to town with it or owned cattle

or citrus groves. For Jimmy there is a certain amount of

guilt because he had a thing for Priscilla. You see there’s

one big thing, big women love about Jimmy.

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Big Ed Kaminski by Steven Donnini

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