Beyond the Binary Gender Identity Among Teens

Susan Knoppow, Wow Writing Workshop

SUSAN KNOPPOW

• Mom

• Writer

• Ally

• Community member

• Essay coach and educator

susanknoppow.wordpress.com

OBJECTIVES

• Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality.

• Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship.

• Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey.

• Know where to go to get more information.

OBJECTIVES

•Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality.

• Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship.

• Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey.

• Know where to go to get more information.

GENDER – THEN AND NOW

• Past: Gender roles and gender equality

• Present: Gender identity

• Future: ??????

TERMINOLOGY

Gender: Who I am

Sexual Orientation: Who I am attracted to

TERMINOLOGYAssigned GenderThe gender a baby is given upon birth, usually based on the child’s birth sex.Gender IdentityHow we feel about our gender in our hearts and minds.

Gender Expression/Gender PresentationHow we show our gender to the world through external choices (e.g. dress, behavior, hairstyle). These don’t always match.CisgenderDescribes a person whose birth sex and gender identity align.Birth Sex/Biological SexA specific set of genetic, chemical and anatomical characteristics that we are either born with or that develop as we mature.Binary GenderThe concept that there are only two genders: male and female.GenderqueerA broad descriptor many people use to indicate a person does not identify as either male or female.TransgenderDescribes anyone whose gender identity and birth sex do not align. The word should be used as, “transgender,” not “transgendered.” For example, “My brother Sam is transgender. He lives in New York.”

NEW YORK TIMES 10-15-18

Dr. Breuner said that “many times, when there are gender issues, we don’t have a road map.” The statement puts forward a model of “gender-affirmative care,” based in the idea that “variations in gender identity and expression are normal aspects of human diversity,” and that mental health problems in these children arise from stigma and negative experiences, and can be prevented by a supportive family and environment — including health care.“People can have a sense of being male, female, both, somewhere in between, all of these are normal variations,” he said. “Just because they’re not very common doesn’t mean they’re abnormal, and my job is to help patients and parents understand all this.”The new A.A.P. statement tries to dispel a variety of myths about growing up with gender identity questions, Dr. Breuner said, such as the idea that parents should assume this is only a passing phase. “And still, colleagues look at me askance, say, ‘Isn’t this something they grow out of, I was taught that in medical school,’” Dr. Breuner said. “So was I. It’s incorrect.”

OBJECTIVES

• Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality.

•Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship.

• Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey.

• Know where to go to get more information.

WHY TALK ABOUT THIS NOW?

● Student language is ahead of many counselors○ Confidence○ Knowledge availability○ Less isolation

● Students are more open to LGBTQ+ peers● Many adults fear getting it wrong● Aiming for affirming common language

LANGUAGE USE – WHEN IN DOUBT…

Parts of speech matter: use adjectives, not nouns

When spoken as a noun some words are not supportive/affirming:

(eg) Jamie is a gay/queer/transgender

When used as an adjective they are affirming - add an aspect to an identity, rather than reducing the person to a single identity

(eg) Jamie is gay/queer/transgender

Avoid saying Say instead Why?

Homosexual

A gay/transgender

Gay

A gay/transgender person

Homosexual has medical diagnosis connotations

Use adjectives, not nouns

Born male/female

Both gendersOpposite sexes

Assigned male/female

All genders

‘Assigned” accurately depicts what happens at birth

‘Both’ implies only 2‘Opposite’ reinforces antagonism and difference

Transgender peopleNormal people

Transgender peopleCisgender people

Saying ‘normal’ implies abnormal – stigmatizing

Adapted from https://thesafezoneproject.com

PERSONAL PRONOUNS

• She/her/hers•He/him/his

•Them/they/their•Ne, ve, ze/zie, xe

COMING OUT Misconceptions

Does not happen one time only

Who knows?

Who is allowed to know?

Who is told and why?

When does someone know they are LBGTQ+?

HOW YOU CAN HELP AS A COUNSELOR…

Give students the words:

Have them write and understand their story and consider how they want to tell it when starting fresh.

Have a discussion on how to say no and yes and also how to hear it.

Have a conversation with all your seniors about how to stand up for others and how to make safe spaces.

If they are happy for you to do so, you can explain some things in recommendation.

UNIVERSITY SEARCH – ADDITIONAL CONSIDERATIONS (WITHIN THE US)

● Religious affiliation● Dig deeper – don’t discount based on name or affiliation but

don’t make assumptions either

● When or how to come out to the college (if ever)● Application? Essay? Pre-arrival?

● Location – states and cities with protection, no protection,or outright hostility -http://www.hrc.org/state_maps

UNIVERSITY SEARCH – WHAT DO STUDENTS WANT?

Top 10 Criteria LGBTQ students look for:1.Active student organization

2.Out LGBTQ students

3.Out faculty and staff

4.Inclusive admission policies

5.Visible signs of Pride

6.Out allies from the top down

7.Inclusive housing and gender neutral bathrooms

8.Established center/office

9.LGBT/Queer studies major or minor

10.General liberal attitude and vibrant LGBTQ social scene

Source: CampusPride.org

COUNSELOR AND STUDENT RESOURCES

IMPLICATIONS FOR INDIVIDUALS

• Youth

• Exploration

• Recognition

• Truth

IMPLICATIONS FOR FAMILIES

• Upending assumptions

• Communication

• Judgement

IMPLICATIONS FOR SCHOOLS

• Upending assumptions

• Communication

• Judgement

IMPLICATIONS FOR COMMUNITIES

• Dismissal

• Tolerance

• Acceptance

• Engagement

OBJECTIVES

• Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality.

• Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship.

• Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey.

• Know where to go to get more information.

PRACTICAL EXAMPLES

• Do you know things the parents don’t?

• Can you help students find the right schools for who they are?

• What about college essays?

• What about other aspects of the application process?

OBJECTIVES

• Understand key terms related to gender and how gender differs from sexuality.

• Recognize how, where and students might share information about their gender journey.

• Gain insight into how to help students feel more comfortable so that gender identity does not become an obstacle in the IEC/student relationship.

•Know where to go to get more information.

RESOURCES

wowwritingworkshop.com/IECA

susan@wowwritingworkshop.com

susanknoppow.wordpress.com/gender

LET’S PRACTICE

• Is Scooby Doo coming downstairs for dinner? Tell them we’re eating in 10 minutes.

• What is Sponge Bob studying these days? I hear they’ve started reading the Iliad in the original Greek.

• Minnie Mouse stopped by for tea yesterday. Their friends showed up too, and we talked politics all afternoon.

• Match the pronoun to the verb: Bugs Bunny just texted me. They are on their way.

PRACT ICE

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