Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn

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200 Posts 1,235,935 followers FollowGretchen RubinBestselling writer about habits and happiness www.gretchenrubin.com

Beware These Tricks for MakingYou Look Bad

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9/4/2014 Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings | Gretchen Rubin | LinkedIn

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Gretchen Rubin

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+ 616

drove him nuts.)

6. I think what Pat is trying to say isThe speaker shows that he's a good listener

and give credit to others, while demonstrating that he can take Pats simple thought further

than Pat could.

7. I can see why you might think that.Variant: I used to think that, too.The

speaker sounds sympathetic, while indicating that she's moved far ahead in understanding.

Of course, a person could say all these things without being undermining. It depends on

context and motivation. Still, its useful to think about how seemingly innocuous comments

might carry an edge.

What other actions make you unhappy in a meeting? When two people write each other

notes or whisper, when someone is obviously reading unrelated material, when people

argue about philosophical matters irrelevant to the matter at hand, or surreptitiously check

a phone? What am I forgetting? (For tips for running a good meeting, check here. For

more ideas about how to be happier at work, check here.)

I'm hard at work on Better Than Before, a book about how we make and break

habits.In it, I reveal the secretof habit-formation -- really.Sign up hereto be

notified when it goes on sale. Or if you want to read the whole book condensed into

21 sentences, read here.

+++

Gretchen Rubinis the author of the blockbuster New York Timesbestsellers,The

Happiness Projectand Happier at Home. She writes about happiness and habit-

formation(the subject of her next book, Better Than Before) at gretchenrubin.com.Follow her here by clicking the yellow FOLLOW button, on Twitter, @gretchenrubin,

on Facebook, facebook.com/GretchenRubin.

Photo: World Bank Photo Collection, Flickr

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Add your comment...

Patrick A. Callahan

Providing Operational, Supply Chain and Logistical Solutions to Global Organizations

No insight to the "how to professionally respond" to these situations?

Like(23) Reply(3) 19 hours ago

Gagandeep Kaur, Tricia Falk, Ron Maga, +20

3 Replies

Rafael Gameros

super user.

I find that it helps to ask myself these types of questions before going into ameeting or before making a business case. If I can anticipate the questions, and to

some extent, challenge my own assumptions and/or points, I can be better

prepared to counter any arguments and/or build upon my own statements. If you

find yourself trying to 'respond professionally' in the heat of the moment, you didn't

take enough time to prepare, imo.

Like(4) 16 hours ago
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3/16



Rosalind Spiers Bluestone, Greg Dickson, Gustavo Cortez, +1

Jeremie Flechard

Process, tests and development engineer. Metal working process

improvement for ACOME, automobile wire supplier

I think one key may be to build trust. If everything can be misunderstood, it is the

trust that can make choose the right version of your/his meaning.

If are on the other side and hear someone using double meaning phrases, you

have typically two choices : play better and answer or ignore.


Iris Gordon-Bouvier

Show More

Mike Schepper

Marketing Director at Transfac Capital

Yep...love the breakdown -

1. I dont need all the details. Lets just get to the bottom line. - I m not listening

2. Well, these are the facts. I know more than you.

3. You might be right. I dont think you are right until I verify it for myself.

4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. You do the work, Ill take

the credit

5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Im happy to give you MY approval

6. I think what Pat is trying to say is Thanks for trying, Ill take it from here7. I can see why you might think that. Variant: I used to think that, too. Then I evolved


Jaume Snchez Bernat, Rosalind Spiers Bluestone, Ilaria Di Salvo, +26

4 Replies

Billy Flatman

Freelance Software Developer & Consultant

I think what Gretchen was trying to say is...

Like 1 hour ago

Roger Butler

Marketing Executive Manager at Marketing and Advertising Company

That sums up the whole article. :D

Like(1) 4 hours ago

Andrew MacPhail

Show More

Jim Godoy

Regional Vice President - Field Supervision at Royal Alliance Associates INC

Let me try to add a little positivity to some of these examples. I personally know people who feel

the way the author describes in the article but I honestly have to say that I would consider these

people the problem, not the language used with them.

1. I dont need all the details. Lets just get to the bottom line. - I m not listening

---Or maybe I trust you judgement, in the interest of everyones time please give me theimportant info.

2. Well, these are the facts. I know more than you.

--- In the interest of time and/or based on the research I or someone else has already

completed, here are the important points.

3. You might be right. I dont think you are right until I verify it for myself.

----May you are right... here is some more info to consider.

4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. You do the work, Ill take

the credit (if it's Pat's job or if he is the subject matter expert, this would make sense).

5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Im happy to give you MY approval

---I'm really appreciative of the work you did. (silly to think you can't give a peer or even a more

senior person a compliment).

6. I think what Pat is trying to say is Thanks for trying, Ill take it from here (if this is done in

the right context there shouldn't be any issues, sometimes someone else may say it better, or

maybe just better for the current audience)

7. I can see why you might think that. Variant: I used to think that, too. Then I evolved

----I used to think that too, I learned..... which is what changed my opinion. Or maybe there is

more to consider now and special circumstances not widely known.

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4/16


5/16



have to deposit $5 into the buzzword jar. All the money collected will go to the wise

individual who figures out how to end the meeting the soonest.

Like(6) 8 hours ago

Laura Lingle, Sean Cameron, Lisette Holmes, +3

John Hawkins

Sr Product Line Manager at Ciena

Yikes! You guys must lose a lot of sleep wondering what "good job" really meant... If you're in

that toxic an environment, when you have to question every word out of a colleague's mind, you

might want to find a different place to spend your time! Life's too short.

Can't we all just get along?

john

Like(12) Reply 12 hours ago

Rasmus Ostenfeld Firla-Holme, Lance Harvie, Demet Sag, Ph.D, +9

'Rauf BADEJO (MCIPS)

Material & Supply Planning Manager (Group) at PZ Cussons

Assuming someone is truly using these tricks, what then should be response to avoid getting

undermined? I think what what you take out of those lines actually reflect more of your own

state of mind rather than the speakers' intentions.


Billy Flatman, Logan Sosa, Chuck Sanchez, +9

John Richardson

Professional Speaker, Trainer, and Published Author SMARTER Goals for Life

Software Training

I've heard almost all those statements in meetings. It really depends on the tone and voice

inflection to draw out the real meaning. One of the big problems is that they are easily taken out

of context. Something that is meant as a compliment, can suddenly be a slight. Thanks for

enlightening us on the possible dual meanings...


Paul Mansfield, Citlali Moreno, Sean Taylor, +9

Lourens R van Niekerk

Director at National Government of RSA

I used to think that, too, Daniel


Eric Abramson, David Carrington, Phil Doucette, +6

Matthew Tuers

Marketing and Creative

I used to think this way too, Miss Rubin... and you might be right, but you really need to look at

who's saying these things and in what context. To follow your conclusions and use these

phrases as indicators of malicious behavior or disrespect will lead to maddening paranoia.


Logan Sosa, Christina Lim, Matt Svensson, +4

3 Replies

Joyce Gell

National Executive Search and Career Consultation

Perhaps not malicious but disrespectful, yeah. I think the problem lies with these

"meetings" - substitutes for work and executive posturing, let's be honest. Do any

substantive decisions come out of them really? Probably not. But the sheer

numbers of unnecessary internal meetings are just like, well, the endless sessions

of this Congress, a waste of time

Like(1) 7 hours ago

Kelley Mackaig

Michael J. Carpenter

Graphics Validation Engineer | Indie GameDev | Hospital Corpsman

Understand that somethings things get lost in translation for some people. Doesn't

make it right but in life and business, perception is reality. So I'd say it's wise to

make sure there is little wiggle room for someone to misinterpret you or more

importantly, your intention. It seems overly nuanced but it matters to some people.

Paranoia about the how you communicate with others should be part of your
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6/16



business in marketing. Working in psych, it certainly is in mine.

And judging from your snarky reply, I imagine this article is targeting people with

your views.

Like(1) 8 hours ago

Tim Greig

Show More

Fred Stawitz

Author of "Don't Run Naked Through The Office!"

Great points! This type of behavior extends beyond meetings. Bad managers have a pocket full

of traps and techniques they use to manipulate unwary employees such as creating false

urgency and you-go-first agreements where they never plan to deliver on their side of the

bargain. My new book "Don't Run Naked Through The Office" reveals more than 25 of these

traps and manipulation techniques. Once you learn to recognize the setup you can easily learn

to avoid getting caught by them.


Demet Sag, Ph.D, Danelia Argueta, MBA, Eric Abramson, +6

1 Reply

Gregor Lyttek

Specialized computer scientist in application development at Available for

Opportunities - Open any location

Avoiding them is not the main issue, yes it does hurt poeple and the productivity,but the way is to stop them occouring all together. However what I wanted to say

was Fred, that I absolutely agree with you on your topics!

Like 18 hours ago

Sam Kishaish

I write about leadership, technology and philosophy. If you like my comments, why not

follow me on LinkedIn?

My favorite is "I hear what you're saying", which always seems to imply "but I don't give a

damn".


Rodolfo Riverol, Olalekan Dada, Marisela Rivera-Resio, +5

Don McLaughlin

Senior Software Engineer at Good Technology

I don't worry about "tricks" of any sort at work. I just do the job to the best of my ability. Beyond

that, if such tricks truly make a difference in my standing with my colleagues I will probably

move on.


Logan Sosa, Susanne Madison, Tina Bowles, +4

Stephen Stouffer

Data Analyst | Marketing Automation

While it is nice to point out the things you SHOULDN'T say... however i'm disappointed that

there was no substitute suggestion. This article simply makes us hesitant to say anything. I

would like to see a followup article about the RIGHT way to word your thoughts in a respectfulway.

Good article but lacking in any kind of resolution.

Like (7) Reply 7 hours ago

Logan Sosa, Magdalena Gawel, Mohamed Hermas, +4

Mike Nash

Business Efficiency and Integration Specialist

This is a terrible article, pandering to people who seek to be offended at every encounter.


Mohamed Hermas, Shawna Cross, Darryl West, +4

Hans van Dam

Extractiespecialist (SQL Server) at Kennemer Gasthuis

This is nice for filling a book or something but not very practical.

Problem is that if you have to wheigh every sentence in a meeting, trying not to be

misunderstood by, or being offensive to anyone, you better cancel all meetings.
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7/16



I think that if the spirit at work is good: collegues try to understand eachother, they trust

eachother, they want to go for 'it', whatever 'it' might be, this is not an issue because WHAT you

say matters more than HOW you say it.

If it is an issue and it matters more HOW you say it, then it is just a symptom of something else

being wrong with one or more collegues, management, or even worse, througout the whole

company.

Kind regards,

Hans van Dam

Like (7) Reply 1 hour ago

Jan Maas, Stefan Burstrm, Jamie Beaney, +4

Gabrielle Wills

Economist

So then what are you supposed to say?

Like(7) Reply 58 minutes ago

Werner Du Preez, Richard Cabrera, Stefan Burstrm, +4

Christopher Whitson

Boss, Entrepreneur, Novelist

You're insane. This banal list makes no sense.

1. "I don't need all the details. Let's get to the bottom line" This same idea can be conveyed in a

way that makes perfect sense by saying, "We'll dive into the details later. Right now, let's keep

things as bottom line as possible."

2. "Well, these are the facts." If they simply ARE the facts, then the speaker is stating that. In

this case it would be bizarre NOT to say it.

3. "You might / may be right." This conveys a sense of deference and open-mindedness. It only

undermines someones authority and credibility if that person has a lizard brain.

4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. If Pat DOES report to the

speaker, then where is the problem here???

5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Anyone who assumes this statement is condescending

without hearing the tone or context has a SERIOUS mental disorder and should seek

professional help immediately.

6. "I think what Pat is trying to say is..." Simply by adding the phrase, "correct me if I'm wrong,

Pat," eliminates any impropriety and demonstrates respect.

7. "I can see why you might think that." If the speaker is simply being HONEST, honesty itself is

a HUGE sign of respect... I think you need to go back to school...


Logan Sosa, Chouaib Hamrouche, Mike Nash, +2

1 Reply

Paul Costello

Business Analyst onsite at SEI Investments at LiquidHub

She's using generalities and being honest (and somewhat humorous). I found

myself nodding at her interpretations, even though I didn't agree with them

completely. As you say -- sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Like(1) 6 hours ago

Christopher Whitson

Dene Banger

Internet Professional | Project Engineer | Project Manager

Sorry, I don't agree with all these points. Meetings should never be a place of paranoia where

everybody is second guessing what is said and reading things into a simple comment or

response. That is nonsense. Sure there are always those that don't know how to be a good

team player but my experience is that they stick out like a sore thumb anyway. It is far better to

build trust into one another than it is to be reading things into simple comments.


Demet Sag, Ph.D, Mike Nash, Laura Lingle, +3

Dave Petterson

Portfolio and Programme Delivery Manager at Atos

Wow. I certainly don't agree with this. I use some of these sayings to get a meeting moving on

and I think the meetings are more productive because of it. Meetings are there to discuss and

agree options for an agreed agenda. Not chit chat time where everyone feels good at the end.

If these phrases are used with my name in the frame I don't think they are being said
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8/16



negatively. I take them for what they mean and if someone tries to task me and it isn't my role

and I don't want to do it I simply reply that I'm sorry but I won't be doing that they will have to get

someone else.

I think these phrases when used are not meant to offend anyone but help make the meetings

productive by clarifying or moving things on.

Nowadays everyone can find something in the simplest phrases that offends them even when

that is nowhere near the intent.

I'd like to see what phrases we could use instead of these then, that would be interesting as I'm

offended by them already, as I am being re-educated not to offend myself. I'm losing so many

words at the moment under our PC culture.

Like(6) Reply(1) 54 minutes ago

Werner Du Preez, Richard Cabrera, Jan Maas, +3

1 Reply

Gill Bray

Business Hat Ltd - collaborative business development

Gretchen does explain that the tone in which they are said makes a difference.

People who take the opportunity to belittle others in public can destroy confidence

and trust. A meeting is not the occasion to correct or undermine others. One of my

pet hates.

Like 38 minutes ago

Nancy Verbekeportraits, definitely portraits! corporate, private, profiles, whatever way I can make you

look great and happy.

This article creates unease and doesn't deliver a solution. It would be interesting to learn how to

respond to these with strength and wit.

Kind regards,

Nancy

Like(4) Reply(1) 1 hour ago

Richard Cabrera, Stefan Burstrm, K.W. SHERIDAN..., +1

1 Reply

Rajeev J

Product Manager at InnoPark(India) Pvt.Ltd

I take the statement at face value and respond as such. There is no need for

another's negativity to cut me down. It may be misconstrued as being naive, but

I've found that keeping myself positive is a lot more productive than responding to

every bit of negativity that comes my way.

Like(1) 1 hour ago

Richard Cabrera

Omar Ghanem

Account Manager

I love the examples you gave, very nice article! (implying that I actually liked the article and

could relate to the examples)


Deepa Barve, CIR, Damian Ankudowicz,Alina Petrovici, +1

Chris Reich

You are working too hard, for too little and not having fun. Let's can change that.

There is a false assumption here. Who is to say that the offended party is always right? To me,

most of these comments depend more on tone of delivery than the actual words. You'll find

these supposed passive attacks in many business tomes as the correct way to handle

disagreements in meetings. Certainly each of these can be used to shut someone down. (Been

there) They can also be used to signal the group to pay attention. Each is relative to tone.


Julie Swanke

2 Replies

Charlie Greenewald

Executive Search Consultant at Global Recruiters of Sugarloaf - Foodservice

Distribution

Pretty sure that exact thing was said at the end of the article.

Like 11 hours ago
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9/16



Greg Lawrence

Director at Step One, Inc.

Exactly..."You did a great job" is now considered condescending? Um...OK.


Susanne Madison,Ashley Greer, and Julie Swanke

Georgia Leybourne

International Marketing Director at Manhattan Associates

People who constantly check their mobiles or tap away on a device don't do themselves any

favours and are being terribly disrespectful of others in the meeting .... drives me nuts :-/


Matt Hill, Sue Ferguson, Murat KARAKAYA, +1

Garth Beyer

Freelancer - Founder at GarthBox

I cringed at each one of those examples. Truth. This is all pure truth. One needs to be

considerate, thoughtful and insightful for meetings to work. However, and this may be a big

however, the meeting leader should have many of these things ironed out before the meeting or

a list of standards shared with everyone. There's preventative measures that can take place.


Suzanne Tomlinson, Kelly Still, Ty Keller, +1

Michael Fabris

Vice Director of Finance at Foundation for Democratic Advancement

"These are the FACTS"

One of the biggest revelations in my career was when I realized how vacant a factual statement

can be. Simply put, facts aren't enough. What matters is that you have ENOUGH of the facts to

paint an fair, accurate picture. A few cherry-picked bits and pieces, here and there, will NOT do.

You can be completely factual, and still sound spectacularly ignorant and stupid at the same

time.


Michael Lapointe

3 Replies

Michael Lapointe

ITSM Best Practices, IT Project Management Specialist & aspiring Positive

Leader

Yes ... the "important fact" in the hands of the slacker with an over-inflated ego.

They'll take one fact and talk way too long to make themselves seem important, to

embolden themselves in the eyes of others ... truly is a pompous site to see.

Like(1) 8 hours ago

Michael Fabris

Emmett Fletcher

Recent graduate, Chemical Engineering, BYU

I completely agree with you Michael, thank you.

Like(1) 9 hours ago

Michael Fabris

Show More

Christopher Whitson

Boss, Entrepreneur, Novelist

You're insane. This list makes no sense.

1. "I don't need all the details. Let's get to the bottom line" This same idea can be conveyed in a

way that makes perfect sense by saying, "We'll dive into the details later. Right now, let's keep

things as bottom line as possible."

2. "Well, these are the facts." If they simply ARE the facts, then the speaker is stating that. Inthis case it would be bizarre NOT to say it.

3. "You might / may be right." This conveys a sense of deference and open-mindedness. It only

undermines someones authority and credibility if that person has a lizard brain.

4. Im wondering about ____. Pat, please get back to us on this. If Pat DOES report to the

speaker, then where is the problem here???
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10/16


https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140903114939-6526187-beware-these-tricks-for-making-you-look-bad-in-meetings?trk=tod-home 10/16

5. You did a great job on that, Pat! Anyone who assumes this statement is condescending

without hearing the tone or context has a SERIOUS mental disorder and should seek

professional help immediately.

6. "I think what Pat is trying to say is..." Simply by adding the phrase, "correct me if I'm wrong,

Pat," eliminates any impropriety and demonstrates respect.

7. "I can see why you might think that." If the speaker is simply being HONEST, honesty itself is

a HUGE sign of respect...

I think you need to go back to school...


Masha Katsman, Darryl West, Danut Clejanu Ionescu, +1

Greg Dickson

Sustainable Development using modern methods of construction.

I would hate to think that I need to analyze the conversation in a meeting (especially internal) to

this level. If I don't know my friends and rivals prior to the meeting what have I been doing?


Becca Freed, Liwaa Tawfiq, Mohamed Hermas, +1

1 Reply

Satya Gummuluri

Funny how some of one's "friends" talk to one in a meeting situation, especiallywhen important bosses are present LOL... meetings can be valuable in gathering

knowledge too.

Like 1 hour ago

Filitsa Tileli

NDT engineer at Strata

Another one for the list: Acronyms. Especially the three letter ones and when there are more

than one in a sentence in the space of 5 minutes!

It is not the bloody army! Unless you ARE actually in the army in which case do it with your

mates. Have a competition with them if you want, who can cram the most in a sentence.

But it is so, so, so annoying when someone keeps using acronyms, especially when these are

particular to the department or section one works. I can understand a couple acronyms hereand there in a presentation. Those are commonly known to people taking part in a meeting and

they are useful for communication.

But more specialised ones, and more than one of them in the same sentence, actually make

the audience hate the speaker's guts! To the point of wanting to spill them out!! (ok, maybe it is

just me!)

If you can't explain it without the acronym, don't explain it at all. Let someone else do the

presentation. Don't serve the acronym as explanation.

If you can explain it without the acronym and still want to used the acronym, make sure you

explain it to the audience or your meeting participants and then introduce the acronym. And

even so, avoid using them when it is not absolutely necessary.

Leave that to the army guys! :-)


Andries FourieandAndreia Moo

2 Replies

Christopher Ryan

Senior Technical Writer

I agree with this. Unless acronyms are automatically translated by the intended

audience then they are tedious to audiences that have to spend even a second to

consider them. Again, to non-telephony audiences, TDM, SIP, VoIP, CSS, SS7,

ISDN... all together might seem a bit much. They are not military, But to anyone at

AT&T's kids, they make sense (a.k.a. Cisco, EMC, Teradyne.

Like 3 hours ago

Alan Leghart

Network Administrator at AHMC HealthCare

So, what is your MOS as an "NDT Engineer at Strata"? Is that a new army unit? ;)

But seriously. IP address. WAN. LAN. AD. MPLS. DIA. ISP. LC/SC. Understoodwithout all the words, if you're in a meeting with I.T. (err...Information Technology)

folks.

In a business or finance meeting, you should know A/P, A/R,GL, EBITDA, CPA,

GAAP, CFO, COGS, LLC, S-corp, 501.3(c), PO, RFP, OpEx, CapEx,

If you deal in retail or wholesale: FOB, MSRP, B2B, B2C...
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11/16



It's about quick, clear communication. You don't need to say the entire tongue

twister. There are too few hours in the day to wait for everyone to spell out common

terms.

Like(2) 3 hours ago

Sebastian Schleussnerand Karim Michael Hambach

Bryan Flood

Senior Permanent Recruitment Consultant at NES Global Talent

Poor Pat.Like(4) Reply 27 minutes ago

Charlotte Day, Slavisa Skipina, Sana Sattani, +1

Jose Antonio Marquez Russo

Senior Software Engineer at Twitter

Who is Pat? Sounds like a guy on top of his game.


Sue Ferguson,Amanda Paige C. Michaels, and Fiona Lewandowski

1 Reply

Tom Roslak, Ph.D.

Managing Partner at TRiPat like the SNL Pat, can't tell androgynous name on purpose I would think.

Like 9 hours ago

Tom Roslak, Ph.D.

Managing Partner at TRi

My favorite was a CEO that used to say, "With all due respect..." and then make his argument.

It sounds great as if being done with respect, but usually you got roasted by his argument.


David Vaughan, Tara Brooks, and Jennifer Page

Laura Lingle

More learning. Less waste. (tm) Jaqueline of Many Trades (tm)

Tactics? Good grief. Why don't we all spend a lot more time fighting against all of this wasted

time in meetings, and a lot more time seeking to understand, rather than time assuming ill intent

of everyone around you. Meetings are generally awful and most people would rather do

anything else. Think about that before you assume that someone who wants you to get to the

point is "being mean to me".


Mike Nash, Khrt Williams, CISSP, CRISC, ITIL V3, andAllen Connor

Mark Jones

Database Developer at CarsDirect.Com

If I'm honest, all the examples given wouldn't offend me at all if someone did it to me and

someone reacting to it might be way overly paranoid. For instance taking the first one "I don't

need all the details let's just get to the bottom line" - that phrase wouldn't make me think thespeaker thinks I'm being overly fussy. I'd see at as straight up where someone wants the

summary and that's OK.

There's more than enough personal interactions going on at work that if you let yourself think

the worst possible criticism about everything, you'll drive yourself crazy really fast and that will

adversely affect others enough where real negative comments start coming your way.

Confidence is a good thing.


Feng(Rebecca) Zhu. PMP, neri akemien, and Julio Suarez

Magdalena Gawel

Accounting Services Supervisor at AIT Worldwide Logistics

All valid points, but depending on the situation. A blanket statement can't be made that those

phrases fail or make you look bad. It could all depend on perception, and how you areexecuting the use of those phrases in context to tone, setting, audience, timing, etc.


Evgeny Lazarenko, Jason Finnerty, and Stephen Beatrice
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12/16



Rosa Conti

Corporate Project Manager Self-Help Writer Community Event Producer

Hmm. I'm not so sure I entirely agree with this list. Or rather, the way these statements are zeroing in on

what's "Wrong" vs. how these could be instead viewed in a "Right" manner. I've worked corporate and have

been in all kinds of meetings for many years (live, webinars, by phone, etc.) and these statements above are

just natural human speak that standing alone don 't cause insult. Now, given the "wrong" tone and inflection

and eye-roll, well, ANYTHING can be taken off-center ...


Richard DesLonde, Sue Ferguson, and Karolyn Schalk

Lance Harvie

Hi-Tech Recruitment

It seems it's better to keep one's mouth shut then navigate this minefield of infinite

misunderstandings.


Bhavin Doshi, Krishnatreya Brindavanam, andAndreia Moo

Peter Lisney 2

Executive Director at Lisney Search & Co-Founder at Orange Cloud Recruitment

"You might be right" does not necessarily need to be hostile. For me it kind of indicates that you

value the other persons views without jumping on-board 100%.


Fowana Terryand Florence Clarke

1 Reply

nd

Saumya Sahay

Marketing Executive at The Brand Weavers

Technically, the meaning behind "You might be right" is "I know you are right, but i

don't want to second that, because agreeing immediately would imply that you are

more knowledgeable and credible than I am".

Like(1) 1 hour ago

Satya Gummuluri

Hassan Dar

Engineering Intern at Applied Materials

Sounds like a bad girlfriend reading way too much into words.


James Strawnand Emmett Fletcher

1 Reply

Shawna Cross

Executive Assistant

... you might be right, but what I think you're trying to say is: Sounds like a bad

boyfirend who has forgotten to take his meds. :)

Like(1) 6 hours ago

Satya Gummuluri

Nicholas D. Lara

Assistant Director of Global Business at Kerry Logistics

I think what Gretchen is trying to say is...


Slavisa Skipina,Apple Pena Rubio, and Henrik Steen Krogh

Nikola Gtermann

Director of Global Sustainable Development at Lootok, Ltd.

"I know where you are coming from, but...". As a german / french living in Nepal this is the

sentence driving me crazy when talking business - A defensive way of getting around

something without trying to understand it.


Jamie-Scott Baldwin, Sebastian Schleussner, and SITI NURSAKINA YUSOFF

1 Reply
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13/16



Jamie-Scott Baldwin

Risk and Compliance Manager at APA Group

hate this with a passion, but guilty of using it myself [only as an alternative to saying

something else quite abrupt].

Like 38 minutes ago

Blaine Holloway

Marketer at Astera LED Technology GmbH

Make your points without worrying what some overly sensitive colleague will think. The main

thing is to offer good ideas, advice, knowledge and support, and to improve your company. Use

all of these phrases if it means improvement. Occupying your brain with useless semantics like

this article suggests is a bad idea.


Joann ArelloandAlex Miller

2 Replies

Blaine Holloway

Marketer at Astera LED Technology GmbH

I'm not suggesting you rant and rave and swear at people. Just don't be overly

sensitive.

Like 4 hours ago

Daniel FreysingerElectrician at Aleut Facilities Support Services, LLC

An attitude of getting the job done without worrying about what people think will

limit ones career growth. People skills are priceless.

Like(1) 4 hours ago

Sebastian Schleussner

Jose Maria Gonzlvez Ruiz

Principal Consultant en Novadays - Investigacin y consultora

While being mostly in agreement with your article, I am not with you on the one that says - "You

did a great job on that, Pat! meaning Im happy to give you MY approval -

I think we should be a little bit less suspicious when someone give us a compliment like this.

For the general person, it is so difficult to give a positive feedback on someone, that most of thetimes when we hear it, it is usually true! Sometimes it is us that we can not really believe what

we are hearing that we do not give credit to it and think it is an "intelligent"' type of aggression

from to show as stupid.

For the one using this sentence, please try to emphasize and use strong words like impressive

job, a hell of a job.... and please do continue using it!

For the one receiving the feedback, please enjoy receiving it... even if there is a second

intention on it, just show everybody in the room you are confident on what you did was a great

job and you deserve the comment!


Jonathan Furminger, Cosimo Gualano, and Slavisa Skipina

Moureen Kekirunga

Program Assistant at United Nations Development Program

Thanks for this. There is also a tendency of people watering down your presentation and using

it to front their own ideas. This way, your whole effort is ignored and some one else shines in

your place.


Veena G.and Jeremie Flechard

James Cauchi

Role - Website Administrator; Aspiration - System Builder (Games, Products &

Policies)

The tendency of talking past a person (especially while that person it talking) is also highly

annoying and disrespectful. It is a low-brow effort at asserting dominance and the appropriate

response is to not give in and ensure that one has clearly conveyed one's message before

giving the floor to the offender (this may require a temporary shift in content to directly request

the offender to wait his or her turn)

Of course this presumes that the offender is not in a position of authority over the self - and

even so - a degree of resistance may be called for - within reason and within the appropriate

context.


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14/16



1 Reply

Gregor Lyttek

Specialized computer scientist in application development at Available for

Opportunities - Open any location

I found that espescially in the customer service centers those behaviors are the

norm and even seen as relevant. Push the poeple hard to their breaking point. It is

a very worrying behaviour far away from actual managing the company. However in

the service centers, the company is all about pleasing the company paying them to

do customer service. So, who cares about Jim or Marry as long the numbers are

good,right? :)

Like 18 hours ago

Janel P. Phillip

Secretary at The Human Resource Management Association of Trinidad and Tobago

How do you avoid these comments or responses? Every business person must learn how to

NOT take these rebuttals personally. Everyone wants to get ahead; that's the nature of

corporate life. I don't care for persons "shooting down" my ideas and I hate to do that to others

but if my point or idea is not adding value to a discussion or to resolve a matter, I would want

someone to tell me so and why. The person who is most emotionally intelligent will know how to

do this skillfully. Trust me all you can really do is master the art of a good comeback!!!!


David Hilland Conrado Cruz

Michael P. Liggins, CPA, CMA

Consultant

My favorite "I think what Pat is trying to say is "; I've actually piped up on these and said "ah

actually Pat said it quite well herself" which unfortunately does not ingratiate you to these

sociopaths. Worse yet, the bosses who enable them..............


Robin Gottlieband Carol Cobler

Elizabeth Parra

MPA Candidate at St. Mary's University Graduate School

Thanks for sharing this with us, Gretchen. And I really do mean that! Haha. Yes, it is important

to decipher between an innocent statement from a truly encouraging, helpful person and a

backhanded, double edged comment from a manipulator. Remember to observe body

language, facial expression, and listen for tone while the person is speaking. Do this, and youwill learn a lot more about their true intent aside from the words he or she spoke.


Christine McLeodand Martin McClean

Aleli Manalili

Sr. Project Mgr / Program Mgr at JPMorgan Chase

You believe once you encounter this in consistent repeatable pattern. I believe the behavior

thrive more in certain management culture.


Kent Baugherand Veena G.

Matt Herrick 2

Devops Engineer/Site Specialist at Lands End

I am annoyed by people who always refer to themselves as "myself". Saying "myself" instead of

"me" or "I" has the rare combination of being both grammatically incorrect and sounding

completely pompous.


Ahmed Bahgat, HRD, MBAand Hassan Raza

nd

Randall Shane, PhD

Data Scientist & Developer

Well done. These are mild examples of passive-aggressive behaviour. I have spent the better

part of 15 years in NYC and the last year in particular has been an eye opener. The fault falls

on management's inability or apathy for setting a code of conduct. Fortunately, there's always

better places to work!!


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15/16



Martin O'Hara

National Strategy Manager for Ultra Precision at EPSRC Centre for Innovative Manufacturing

If these things make you angry, you need to take a step back and look at yourself. These are for the most

part completely innocuous. I know of a few people who use a couple of these consistently, but mostly

because they are in a rut with their use.


Moemen Khattaband Richard DesLonde

Richard DesLonde

Owner, DesLonde Software Development

I agree Martin O'Hara. Are we in a meeting to walk on eggshells protecting everyone's fragile

ego or are we there to get work done?


Michael Fabrisand Moemen Khattab

Chris Hall

CEO at Expert Auto Parts LLC / President at RepairClinic.com

This sounds like trust has been lost in that relationship. If Mahatma Gandhi said any of things to

you in a meeting you might not react negatively at all. You might assume he meant well even if

he didn't express it well. Once you've lost trust a person can say anything and your bias filter

will turn it into something negative.


Rex Robertsand Danielle Nakatsuji

Dan Richardson

Associate Director at Mindshare

This article would be even better if it included alternative ways to respond. Quite honestly, I've

used these phrases all the time-- and I think being in client-facing situations can accidentally

lead to masked/passive-aggression. How do you break the cycle?

Like Reply (1) 9 hours ago

1 Reply

Tom Roslak, Ph.D.

Managing Partner at TRiDan !! When somebody says, "quite honestly", I always kid them and say, "ah, so

now you are going to be honest with me? Can you sometimes say, 'lying to your

face...." Just kidding linguistics is tricky for sure :-)

Like(2) 9 hours ago

Suzanne Tomlinsonand Emmett Fletcher

Marcin Ignaczak

Advisor at Association of Business Service Leaders in Poland (ABSL)

Thanks Gretchen, Truly hard to avoid these double meaning tricks. It's an every day meetings

reality. Looking forward to the next chapter with practical responses to those undermining

statements.


Eric Abramsonand Bart Zurburg

Matthew Chamberlain

Creative Director / Principal at iScore Marketing

I think what you're trying to say is that these are very annoying and cocky phrases. You might

be right about these points. I'm wondering what the impact on the receiver is when spoken to

condescendingly. Please get back to me on that point.


Claire Durrantand Evan Smith

Michael Lapointe

ITSM Best Practices, IT Project Management Specialist & aspiring Positive LeaderFake compliments from your office rivals in meetings. Your BS detector often goes haywire!


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Beware These Tricks for Making You Look Bad in Meetings _ Gretchen Rubin _ LinkedIn

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