Olewnik 2

Samantha OlewnikSociology of AgingProfessor BergmanDecember 13, 2012

Betty Kelts

Betty Kelts was born in Mansfield, Pennsylvania on January 26th, 1925. Her father, a widower with three children, married her mother and had three more kids, making for a big family. Her mother was a stay-at-home mom active in their church community. Despite the biological differences between siblings, Betty remembers her childhood as one in a warm home.Mansfield was a small, not particularly diverse town. Everyone knew everyone elses business. Many people stayed in the neighborhood their whole life, not allowing for much exposure to different people and ways of living unless residents made a point to move away. Betty would attend junior high (hers was the first junior high school built in the state of Pennsylvania,) high school, and college all within Mansfield. Although she grew up during the Great Depression, Betty doesnt feel she was impacted that greatly by the countrys suffering economy; her family was lucky enough to have a decent amount of money. She even remembers her father actually financially supporting the boys at one point in the Depression, a clear indicator that her familys situation was very stable. The following decade would prove different, however. She remembers going to high school one day and hearing the President announce that the United States had entered the war. The rationing to follow also remains clear in her memory. Her way of life changed; there were coupons for everything, and metal things like cans and toothpaste tubes had to be saved for the war effort. The attacks on Pearl Harbor also lead many American boys to join the Armed Forces, including her husband. Many of her high school friends were lost in the war, but thankfully her best friend returned.Betty met her husband when she was a freshman at Mansfield College. He spotted her while they were standing in line for a school function and had a mutual friend introduce them. It must have been love at first sight because they were married shortly after in 1944 while he was on leave from the Air Force. She was nineteen. After their marriage, Bettys husband went for bomber training in England. He was sure he wouldnt be harmed in the war because he traveled on the same ship his father had been taken over by in WWI. Overall he flew thirty-eight missions over Germany and France before ending his fighting career.Their first daughter was born in 1946 when Betty was twenty-one. Her husband was overseas serving at the time. They would go on to have two more daughters, all of which reside in different areas across the country today: her oldest nearby in Dryden, NY, her middle child in Tennessee, and her youngest in Arizona.After the war, her husband decided to go back to school. He attended Cornell but felt as though he was wasting his time because all the classes he wanted to take were full with other returning G.Is; so, two years later, they moved to a small town in the south. He went on to lead a very successful Boy Scout troop before working at The State Teachers College. He would also later find a passion in teaching English and social studies, eventually moving his family to the Ithaca area to become a school administrator.At age 27, Betty began work as the Administrative Assistant to the Director of Communications for BOCES for the Ithaca School District. She maintained this title for twenty-eight years. Her husband had heard about the job opening through the grapevine and Betty snatched up the opportunity to get out of the house. She said it had been hard for her to adjust to life in Ithaca because no one really stayed permanently, making it hard to forge strong relationships and create a sense of belonging. A friend told her that she had to view Ithaca as a city of communities. There are all different groups here, including the two college communities, and this mindset, along with her new job, helped Betty find a routine and sense of home. Although she was never really called upon to put to practice her music education degree, Betty was pleased with her work at the school. She enjoyed her co-workers immensely, mentioning no longer seeing them as one of the hardest parts of retirement. This was also the only time she recalls ever experiencing discrimination of any kind. She remembers various opportunities for her to receive a raise, but none were given because she was a woman. Any extra benefits in the company went to men, no matter the quality of work they did. Betty retired in 1983 when diabetes caused her husband to lose his eyesight. She became his caretaker, helping him with his insulin shots and driving him to run errands. This loss did not affect his spirit however, as he always remarked how grateful he was to still have his hearing so he could continue to enjoy music. The two often traveled to attend various music festivals. He died in 1986 at age sixty-three. She was sixty-one.Betty fell in love with music when she played a Ross piano for the first time in 1st grade. She majored in music in college and was an active member of the school orchestra, continuing to play long after graduation. Even though she gave her grand-piano to her granddaughter upon moving to Longview, she remains musically active through her church choir and the Intergenerational Choir here at Ithaca. Her yearly trips to Arizona also provided an outlet for her passion for music. Every year, Betty traveled to Arizona to spend the cold New York winters with her daughter there. These little vacations were full of trips to the symphony, ballet, opera, and the theater among other things. Her husband actually wanted to move there permanently, but Betty preferred to stay in Ithaca. She says she didnt like the idea of having to leave the doctors and other professionals on which we rely that she has grown to be comfortable with. Its definitely hard to start completely from scratch a couple thousand miles from where you had once made a home. This past year was the first winter shes not spent in the southwest in over thirty years.Through her three daughters, Betty now has four grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. She first became a grandmother in her forties and feels that it has made her a better listener. Although she didnt know her own grandparents that well, (her only living grandmother spoke only Welsh,) she was very close to her husbands parents and modeled her parenting off of them in some ways. Her daughter in Arizona calls faithfully every night, and Betty says she often still asks for help or advice, even though shes grown. Betty says she feels that aging is displayed in both positive and negative ways in our culture today. She feels that the life she led is so different not only from the working women of today, but from her own mothers that its hard to believe. We live in a fast paced, technologically construed time, but she feels that there really is no way to be completely prepared for retirement and the expenses of life. She wishes more young people would help older adults today. When she was young, she felt as though she would never grow older; now, she has realized that it happens to everyone, but its still hard to face. Admitting you need help is the hardest part, she says. She knows that her reflexes are getting slower, and is going through the difficult process of deciding whether or not shell be able to keep her car. She doesnt feel safe on the wintry roads or at night, but feels that her car is the main source of her independence. Its the little things like this that have made her come to realize the difficulties of aging, and made her more aware of the gravity with which simple things can be cherished. For instance, she says it means a lot when her grandchildren acknowledge and thank her for what shes done for them when they were children. It was hard for her to give away a lot of her things in moving to Longview, but as some a lot of them went to family, she knows she has ties with them in that way too. She says she would feel welcome in any of their homes. I know talking with Betty has made me realize just how much I love my own grandparents, and that I should try to make sure that they know they are appreciated more often than I do now.Coming to Longview has been an adjustment, but Betty says she doesnt mind being alone so much because of her hobbies and activity in the community. She like to read, knit, sings in her church choir, is chairperson of the alter guild at her church, and takes exercise classes here among other things. Her advice to everyone is to have an interest to pursue into retirement; thatll make it easier. The financial benefits of Social Security can only go so far to provide real happiness.Betty is an extraordinary woman who has led an incredibly interesting life. From living through the Great Depression and World War II to traveling the country and becoming a great-grandparent, I truly enjoyed my time with her and was inspired by her life history.Betty didnt grow up in a very racially diverse environment, but I dont know how greatly that impacted her aging experience. She seemed to have lived in predominantly white areas her whole life, so I cant speak too much to that aspect. Her ethnicity did have a large impact on her, though. She often mentioned that she was Welsh, and I think this may have played into her familys love of music. The Welsh are known for their musical inclination, and Betty proved this true as she earned a degree in music education and continues to enjoy the piano at this point in her life too.Because she grew up in a small town, the adjustment to Ithaca life was definitely hard for her in middle adulthood. She often expressed to us that it had been hard for her to find a home here until she started viewing the city as a compilation of communities. I think that change in living arrangements helped prepare her for her situation in life now, though, as she is now happy to both socialize with her community at Longview and to be alone sometimes.Betty said she felt discriminated against in the workplace because she was a woman. Thankfully her husband had a stable job to also support the family, but I know that if Betty had been the opposite gender she would have accumulated much more money throughout her lifetime. She said she was denied raises specifically because she was female; extra money would go to her male co-workers regardless of their quality of work. The raises she was denied could have added up to help cover the cost of her yearly trips to Arizona or her husbands medical expenses. Betty could be twice as wealthy today if she had been employed in a more gender neutral era.She also expressed the fact that her family had always been financially well off when she was growing up, even during the Great Depression. She said that she never felt like her family was forced to ration their goods or use food coupons out of necessity. WWII brought these changes, though, as it was law to do so. Her familys economic situation seemed very stable, however, and I think this blessing stayed with her throughout her life. She never revealed the need to worry economically when her children were born, when her husband became sick and began having to pay medical bills, or when she made the move to Longview. The latter I feel would especially put a strain on her finances if she werent well off, as it is basically paying rent and she is no longer in the workforce, so I know her familys stability in childhood has set her up for financial security in later life.Various aspects of Bettys life course have impacted her aging experience. Her decision to go to college for music not only gave her the foundation for the continuation of enjoying playing the piano and attending concerts, but led her to meet her husband as well. After moving to Ithaca for her husbands career, Betty felt stuck in the house and unconnected from her new town. With her children gone at school all day, she needed an opportunity to get out of the house; this is what prompted her work as the Administrative Assistant for BOCES for twenty-seven years. Through this employment, Betty says she made some of her closest friends. These relationships helped her feel established and welcome within the Ithaca community; a feeling that has stayed with her today, as evidenced by her continuation of residence here despite her having to move to an assisted living facility.The loss of her husbands eyesight was a major factor in Bettys aging experience, as she chose to retire early from the workforce to become his caretaker. He also had to stop working, so they had to live off of their savings (this was not a problem, though, as mentioned before.) Her husbands compilation of diabetes and the resulting side effects did prove to end his life earlier than expected, as he died at age sixty-three. This was rather non-normative because he was so young, and left Betty a widow before her time. A positive spin on this event would be that her daughters are more actively involved in her life now. One moved nearby to watch over her mothers transition to Longview, and another calls every night to check on her. She still continued to visit her daughter in Arizona every year until last, has remained active in her church community, and has continued to enjoy her hobbies of going to various concerts and the symphony without her husband, showing that she is still a very independent woman. Betty did say that she hasnt remained in contact with as many friends since her husbands death, though, which reveals a loss of social ties that her husband had mainly kept strong. This has simply led her to grow closer to her family in old age.It can be argued that Betty slightly experienced caregiver burden in the raising of her children. She mentioned that one of her daughters has had diabetes since she was a small child, and Betty felt it was difficult for her to teach that one to grow up to be independent. She also felt a tension in the balancing of looking out for that one medically and making sure her other two daughters still got attention and didnt feel neglected. Although she wasnt caring for her husband as caregiver burden might assume, she was still stressed with the aspect of balancing her one daughters medical issues and the rest of her family life.Betty also mentioned that she had a difficult time adjusting to retirement. Because she left the workforce early to take care of her husband, she lost an aspect of the close relationships she had developed with her coworkers. She told us she really missed them at that time. She also no longer had a set routine, which was especially hard for her. Suddenly having a lot of free time in between her husbands medical appointments took getting used to; she had to stay active through her hobbies of reading, knitting, and playing the piano.Her early retirement probably also played into her closeness with her family, or her intimacy at a distance. Even though two of her daughters and their families live very far away, Betty knows what is going on in their lives, as well as her grandchildren and their families lives. Her daughter that lives in Arizona calls every night to catch up and ask for advice. Betty said that she knows she would be very welcome in any of her families homes, and feels a strong bond with them all despite the geographical separation. Knowing she has their support has made her transition to Longview that much easier.Bettys experience with Social Security has been pretty average. She said she was in favor of it, of course, because it feels like free money! She is the perfect example of how older people with S.S. as their sole source of income (30% of all older adults) are not always poor. She feels that she has earned these benefits because of her work and her husbands teaching and military careers. Even though she doesnt personally need more financial support, she wishes that young people would help old people more in general, whether through Social Security or other ways. She also suggests that young people start saving up now for their own retirement, just in case Social Security falters or an emergency arises. You cant plan for life, she says.Even though she said she cant remember a time when she personally felt affected by ageism, Betty admits to having been ageist herself when she was young. She felt that she was never going to get old, and didnt start worrying about the prospects of it until it started to happen to her. Her views on ageism have changed as shes gotten older, as can be expected; she thinks about ageism in a different way now because she has realized that aging happens to everyone. She wishes that young people today would realize this and treat their elders with more respect. Aging really does happen to everyone; theres no reason why we should discriminate against someone because they have reached a certain stage of life before we have.Based on my discussion with Betty, I think Im most looking forward to traveling in retirement as I age. Betty and her husband traveled the country attending music festivals, going to the ballet and symphony, and stayed every winter with their daughter in Arizona. I am already trying to save up for my retirement so I can be sure to have a comfortable amount of money to play with once I have years of free time on my hands. I can only hope that no financial disasters befall my family in the future; Betty may be right in saying that we cant plan for life, but I definitely hope that mine can work out as closely to how Ive planned it as possible. Traveling without having to worry about going back to work or school sounds absolutely wonderful. I cant wait to be able to just sit and enjoy life in retirement!