Best Practices for Raising Children

7/28/2019 Best Practices for Raising Children

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BEST PRACTICES FOR RAISING CHILDRENBy J. L. Cook|G. Cook

Pearson Allyn Bacon Prentice Hall

In studying characteristics of the parent-child subsystem, researchershave identified two dimensions that are especially important: parental

warmth and parental control. They have also studied how these dimensions

combine to form different patterns or styles of parenting.

PARENTAL WARMTH AND CONTROL

Parental warmth is the degree to which parents are accepting,

responsive, and compassionate with their children. Parents who are high in

warmth are very supportive, nurturing, and caring. They pay close attention

to their children's needs, and their parenting behaviors tend to be childcentered (focused on the needs of the child rather than on the convenience

or demands of the parents). Researchers see parental warmth as existing on

a broad continuumfrom parents who show a high degree of warmth to

those who show little or no warmth. At the lower end of the continuum are

parents who are rejecting, unresponsive to their children, and more parent

centered than child centered. This cold type of parenting is detrimental to

the child's development. Numerous studies have shown that children who

experience cold parenting are more aggressive, have fewer friends, and

perform more poorly in school. Conversely, when parenting is high inwarmth, children acquire better social and academic skills, and they show

more love and respect for their parents and other people (Maccoby & Martin,

1983; Parke & Buriel, 1998).

Parental control is the degree to which the parents set limits, enforce

rules, and maintain discipline with children. Parents who are high in control

set firm limits on their children's behavior, and they enforce rules

consistently. They are involved in their children's lives and use discipline to

provide structure for their children's behaviors. Parents low in control,

however, are lax, permissive, or uninvolved with their children. Like parentalwarmth, control is on a continuum: Some parents show a high degree of

control, some only a moderate degree, and others very little control or little

involvement with their children,

When we look at parental warmth and parental control, it is important

to consider their combined effects. When warm parents use firm control, for

example, discipline tends to be child centered, age appropriate, and positive.


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When cold and rejecting parents use firm control, however, discipline can be

very harsh, punitive, and even abusive. By itself, neither warmth nor control

is sufficient for explaining the effects of parenting on children's

developmental outcomes.

Researchers also draw a distinction between physical control and

psychological control. Physical control involves the use of physical means to

control children, such as hitting, spanking, pushing, and physically forcing

children to do things. Psychological control uses guilt, humiliation, love

withdrawal, or emotional manipulation to control children. Both forms of

control can be harmful, especially when used by parents who are cold or

rejecting with their children. One study of Chinese families, for example,

showed that fathers who used more physical control had sons who were

more physically aggressive with their peers. In this same study,

psychological control by mothers was related with increases in physical andemotional aggressiveness in their daughters (Nelson, Hart, Yang, Olsen, &

Jin, 2006). Therefore, the effects of physical and psychological control may

depend on the parent inflicting the control and on the gender of the child

who is being controlled.

PARENTING STYLES

In the mid-1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind began a longitudinal

study investigating the effects of different styles of parenting. Her follow-up

studies, and the many similar studies conducted by other researchers, have

strongly influenced how parents and professionals think about parenting. The

research has identified four distinct styles of parenting that represent the

different combinations of high and low parental warmth combined with high

and low parental control (Baumrind, 1973, 1991; Maccoby & Martin, 1983).

Below describes the four parenting styles in terms of warmth and control.

Let's look more closely at these styles. As we describe each style, consider

what might happen if a 4-year-old child is caught hitting his sister. Ask

yourself: What would you (or your parents) do in a situation like this?

Authoritative parents are warm and exert firm control. They monitor

their children closely and have clear standards and high expectations for

their behavior. They tend to use disciplinary methods that are supportive

rather than punitive. There is clear communication between parent and child,

and the lines of communication go both ways. Authoritative parents listen

carefully to their children, and they allow give-and-take on disciplinary


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matters in a way that is age appropriate for the child. If their 4-year-old hits

another child, their first response is likely to sit with the child and have a

calm discussion about the incident. "Why did you hit her?" Authoritative

parents are understanding and supportive ("We know you were frustrated

and angry"), but they will set boundaries for their children and institute

appropriate consequences if the child does not behave ("You know the family

rule is 'no hitting,' so now you will lose your TV time"). The important point is

that authoritative parents are rational, consistent, and child centered in their

approach to discipline.

Over time, authoritative parents expect their children to develop the ability

to regulate their own behavior. Compared to other children, children raised

by authoritative parents perform better in school, are less hostile and more

popular among friends, have greater self-esteem, show more purpose and

independence in their activities, and as adolescents they are more accuratein understanding their parents' values (Baumrind, 1973, 1991; Knafo &

Schwartz, 2003; Parke & Buriel, 1998).

Authoritarian parents also exert firm control, but they do it in a way

that is rejecting or unresponsive to the child. "No hitting!" they might yell.

"What were you thinking!? Now you get over here right now!" Authoritarian

parents set firm limits and expect that their children will behave. Their

disciplinary methods tend to be harsh and punitive. Rather than having a

rational discussion of an incident, they are more inclined to lower the boom

immediately without regard for the child's perspective. Children raised in an

authoritarian environment may feel trapped and angry but afraid to confront

their parents (Parke & Buriel, 1998). They perform less well in school, are

more hostile and aggressive and less popular with peers, and are less

independent than children reared by authoritative parents (Baumrind, 1973).

Permissive parents are warm but have little control. They fail to set

or enforce appropriate limits for their children. Permissive parents avoid

confrontation with their children. Being too lenient, they do not require that

their children behave in a mature and responsible manner. Sometimespermissive parents justify their style by saying they'd rather be a friend than

a parent to their children. A permissive parent might dismiss the misbehavior

lightly ("Now you know we don't hit, so don't let me see you do that again").

At the extreme, permissive parents can become indulgentbeyond merely

allowing their children to misbehave, they may actually encourage or foster

their misbehavior: "Well, if he hit you, then you just hit him back!" As their

children and teens grow older, permissive-indulgent parents may encourage


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or condone inappropriate behaviors such as skipping school, vandalism,

alcohol or drug abuse, or sexual promiscuity. Compared to authoritatively

raised children, children from permissive homes are more impulsive, perform

less well in school, and are less self-assured, independent, and confident in

their activities (Parke & Buriel, 1998).

Rejecting/neglecting parents don't set limits and are unresponsive

to their children's needs. This category of parenting has two substyles:

Rejecting parents are harsh and actively reject their children, whereas

neglecting parents ignore their children and fail to fulfill their responsibilities

as parents. These parents don't monitor their children properly and may not

notice misbehaviors. Rejecting/neglecting parents may be under too much

stress to parent appropriately; they may not be committed to the task of

raising children; or they may be depressed or otherwise psychologically or

emotionally unavailable to their children. Children raised byrejecting/neglecting parents fare the worst of all. Compared to other

children, rejected/neglected children grow up to show higher rates of

delinquency, alcohol and drug use, and early sexual activity. They perform

more poorly in school and show other disruptions in peer relations and

cognitive development (Parke & Buriel, 1998).

In her later work, Baumrind expanded the number of parenting styles

to seven: authoritative, democratic, nondirective, authoritarian-directive,

nonauthoritarian-directive, unengaged, and good enough. She also added

two dimensions in addition to parental warmth and parental control. Maturity

demands are parents' expectations that the child will show age-appropriate

behavior, self-reliance, and self-control. Democratic communication is the

degree to which parents ask for and consider the child's feelings and

opinions. As you might expect, higher levels of each are indicative of more

effective parenting. Research in this area also highlights the problem of

intrusiveness, or control that parents maintain by psychologically

manipulating and inhibiting children. Studies have linked higher levels of

intrusiveness with poorer outcomes for children and adolescents.

Researchers have confirmed this finding in several different cultures,although children of "unengaged" parents still seem to fare worst of all

(Barber, 2002; Baumrind, 1991).

Quality parenting is an issue of great interest and concern to all who

work with children, but there is little agreement on how to improve it. One

proposal involves requiring people to get an authorization before they can

become parents.


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Source: http://www.education.com/reference/article/parenting-best-practices-

raising/?page=3

Best Practices for Raising Children

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