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According to Confucius there are three virtues of effective parenting.. This book

is about the lessons from Confucius on the power of benevolence, Wisdom, and

Courage..

Benevolence is the virtue that helps us change the way we see and treat others

by feeling others need for love and kindness. This is the most important virtue for all

human relationships because it gives us the power to change ourselves and the people

around us. Just like violence, benevolence is contagious and can spread quickly from

one human being to another. Parents need benevolence because it will enable them to

truly see and understand their children as they are, the problems as they stand, and

their parental goals as they should be. They also need benevolence because it will help

them to change themselves from within so that they can become the best parents they

can become.

Benevolence is needed 24/7 in parenting, but it is needed most acutely when

things are getting out of control and we are in anger and in doubt of our love for our

children. Benevolence will help us restore parental love even when the child standing in

front of us no longer seems lovable.Benevolence helps us to choose between doing

more harm to the child and our parent/child relationship or looking into the root of the

problem and finding the courage to deal with it. Benevolent parents choose to help their

beloved child overcome the problem instead of driving the child further away from us.

This is when self-control and self-examination need to come together with the nine

thoughts and five merits of benevolent parents. Only benevolence can help us choose

the right path.

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Wisdom for Making Wise Parenting Decisions

Wisdom, unlike intelligence, is not inborn. Wisdom is what we cultivate inside us,

based on knowledge, contemplation, and experience. It enables us to foresee the

consequences of our action. To act recklessly is not an act of wisdom. Parents need

wisdom because all children are different and parenting is not a one-formula-fits-all

process. Success in parenting depends on the result of all of the decisions they make

everyday. Wisdom enables them to obtain the best results by making wise decisions in

parenting. We need wisdom whenever we find ourselves at a crossroad and have to

discern the right path from the wrong path.

Wisdom help you show your child that by whining, he will get no attention, no power

struggle, and no mom and dad jumping around. you will have to show him that whining

will only bring him his parents disapproval and discipline. Teach him in a calm way how

to ask for the things he wants, and help him to learn how to negotiate with good

manners.

Courage to make a difference in yourself and in the world

Courage is the inner strength to do what is right, despite hardship and difficulties.

Parents need courage to give them the strength to conquer the fear inside them.

Common fears include fear of change, fear of losing control, and fear of letting go.We

need courage when we need more inner strength to choose the right way and not the

easy way. We also need courage to strive and persevere even when things are more

difficult than expected.

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Give credit to your child for her courage, for wanting to explore a world outside of her

comfort zone. You might end up with a few sleepless nights when your daughter is

away, but knowing that you have provided her with such a good learning opportunity

should make you feel proud of your own courage.

There are three roles of a Virtuous Parent:

The Role of a ruler

o The ruler represents absolute authority. You have to set rules and if your

child will not obey to that, be firm with your rules.

The role of a Teacher

o No parent can deny their role as a teacher in the lives of their children.

Teach your student to be a wise student. Wise parent-teachers will gain

the respect of the their children.

The Role of a Friend

o To be your childs friend is not enough. Others think that if they will just

like a friend to their child thats the easiest way to parent.but that is not

true. A child that grows up with no guidance from his parent-ruler and

parent-teacher but only friendliness from his parents will become an adult

who knows nothing about how to nurture a good relationship with anyone,

including his parents. However, when the moment is right, be ready to

play the role of friend, even thou it will take great courage to let go and

see your child learn on his own.

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Playing the wrong role at the wrong time can be dangerous. Playing the right role can

help parenting effectively in everyday situations.

The virtues of benevolence, wisdom and courage are essential to creating deep and

lasting bonds between parents and children.

Benevolence is the most important in parenting, so that you will be able to truly

understand what's going on.It helps us to stay calm and counter all these negative

emotions in us, like anxiety, anger, confusion and frustration.

Wisdom enables parents to foresee the consequences of their actions in order to make

the right choices, and courage helps parents to follow through and do what's right, not

what feels easy

. She says listening with your heart to understand your child is crucial, and that there is

nothing more valuable for a child than to understand that their parents validate their

feelings.

"It's painful for me to hear parents say that they do not allow their children to express

their feelings or ... even allow them to cry," says Yuen.

Still, we have different ways, knowledge, styles, and kinds in being a parent. It is

just how we apply that in good way And what your childs attitude is, is what kind of a

ruler you are. We should just be a good ruler, teacher, and a friend to our child for us to

raise them well.

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Northern Luzon Adventist College

Artacho, Sison Pangasinan

BOOK REPORT

The Three Virtues ofEffective Parenting

By: Shirley Yuen

Submitted by:

Diane Kate E. Tobias

Submitted to:

Mrs. Carmela L. Domocmat

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