BE YOUR BRAVE & REIGNITE YOUR LIFE’S WORK

Published by:

KC Healthcare Communications LLC

451 Shawmut Ave

Boston, Ma 02118

www.kelleyconnors.com

Copyright © 2019, Kelley Connors

Published in the United States of America

ISBN-13:978-1530924912

ISBN-10:153092491X

No parts of this publication may be reproduced without cor-

rect attribution to the author of this book.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Writing a book challenges you in ways that confirm why eve-

ryone and anyone can use a good life and business coach! The

process of writing can be fertile ground for self-doubt, pro-

crastination, and frustration…and I would like to thank Lora

Denton, Editorial Director, and Dolores Hirschmann, CEO, of

Masters in Clarity. Both women were my wise guides with

sharp pens who helped me turn my research and interviews

into my own inspiring coaching book.

Also, a special thank you to the people I have interviewed

which led to the book’s “red threads”, the key concepts in

bravery: Yari Golden-Castano, Mary Jaensch, Sean Harvey,

Lisa Liljeberg, and Yvette Jarreau.

And, finally, thanks to my husband, Julien, for his inspiring

support of my passion for coaching professional women to

reignite their life’s work and thrive.

Table of Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ................................................................................. iii

FOREWORD .......................................................................................................... v

INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................... vi

Chapter 1- B

Become What Stirs You for Clarity .................................................................. 1

Chapter 2- R

Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity ............................................................ 10

Chapter 3: - A

Align with Your Mission for Power ................................................................. 19

Chapter 4: - V

Voice your Truth for Collaboration ............................................................... 26

Chapter 5 - E

Empower Other Women for Equity ............................................................... 34

CONCLUSION: ................................................................................................... 41

Testimonials .......................................................................................................... 43

FOREWORD

Amelia Earhardt, Malala, Michelle Obama, and Joan of Arc

may be some of the most well known examples of brave

women we admire. They took a stand for what’s possible in

pursuit of their own passions and interests and may have

even risked their lives for what was most important to them.

Regardless of who you are or your ambition for your life’s

work, your own brave move may not require you to risk your

life, your personal assets, or your health. Certainly, bravery is

a leadership skill that can be learned, facilitated by a positive

mindset and by taking risks that are purposeful and inspiring.

Bravery leads you to a new place that is beyond your comfort

zone. After realizing my life’s work was more about “being”

me and less about “doing”, I was inspired to write this guide-

book. As a self-described life-long learner and entrepreneur, I

had the usual periods of disengagement in my 20-year mar-

keting career - similar to what Gallup polls say is the hallmark

of many Baby Boomers and Gen Xers1. However, I was able

to reignite my life’s work through brave moves that I will

share soon.

Interestingly, what seemed to be missing in many of the busi-

ness and leadership books I read for help in this area was, not

confidence, but bravery. I hope my guidebook offers an in-

spiring, brave action plan for women in transition who want

to ignite their life’s work again...when it’s typical to call it

quits.

INTRODUCTION

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without cour-

age you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice

any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.”

For many working women going through or considering go-

ing through transition, self-doubt leads to mental ups and

downs and lack of momentum just when they are in the prime

of their lives. Making change is never easy, and while we are

well-meaning, it’s easy to be short on clarity, calmness, and

courage when what’s next is new - despite years of work ex-

perience that’s already laid down a track record of success in

business.

William Bridges’ model for making change is based on the

idea that we can separate our ideas about change (the events

themselves as an external process) from our psychologi-

cal/internal response to that change. The latter he defined as

Transition.

He suggests that there are three phases to transition:

Introduction―vii

• An Ending – the period of time when you disengage

from your old work identity and ways of working and

acknowledge what is or will be lost.

• The Neutral Zone – a necessary unstructured space

where our attachment to the old is gone, but the new

has yet to be fully known and/or implemented. You

might find yourself disoriented and confused without

a clear sense of direction.

• A New Beginning - where you develop a new identity,

renewed energy, and sense of purpose. This is a time

for creating a new sense of purpose and structure. You

begin to move forward, drawn to new situations and

challenges. You will begin to feel productive again and

have a renewed sense of energy.

Finding myself in a life’s work transition, I was conflicted be-

tween the slogan “just do it” and waiting for the time to be

right. Usually, for me, this meant I wanted confidence given

to me in a pretty box. In any case, the more I read about mak-

ing a transition, the more I found myself stuck and not ready.

viii—Be Your Own Brave

Reigniting your life’s work can bring about feelings of self-

doubt, shame, imperfection, and loneliness or disconnection.

This guide will help you gain the internal clarity to put your

stamp on a brave move that may just feel scary, but is right in

your sweet spot -- the thing that makes your heart sing. It may

be a job or new position, but more importantly, it may also be

exactly what you need to overcome the tyranny of expecta-

tions that follows a successful career.

Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E. is an acronym and a five-point call-

to-action for professional, working women who are in transi-

tion in their life’s work after years of meeting external de-

mands and expectations for corporate success. Whether you

are moving out of a small business or corporate role, into your

own consulting business or considering a post-retirement gig,

crossing the threshold from what’s known to the unknown

requires a new kind of bravery. The unknown is a wonderful

opportunity to use your wings as you embark on an inner

journey for self-discovery, purpose, and meaning.

Here’s what the acronym B.R.A.V.E stands for, which is the

focus of each of the five Chapters:

Chapter One

B- Become What Stirs You for Clarity

Chapter Two

R- Reveal Your True Essence for Authenticity

Chapter Three

A- Align with Your Mission for Power

Chapter Four

V- Voice Your Truth for Collaboration

Chapter Five

E- Empower Other Women for Equity

Introduction―ix

Aligning with the field of positive psychology and mindful-

ness, these inspiring brave actions are not external to who you

are, and they don’t require confidence initially. These actions

are based on your essence, your unique strengths and inter-

ests. The path forward is ignited by YOU!

The moves help you connect with your essential nature so you

can start something new that is meaningful and purposeful.

There’s so much opportunity for experienced professional

working women today! We have to learn to be brave and start.

Otherwise, we risk waiting forever, under the influence of

“not yet ready”.

These brave moves, in fact, are an invitation to align with your

inner mentor, your essential nature, so you can bust through

old stories and become the best version of yourself!

Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E. is not a call to reinvent yourself. It

comes from cultivating a wholebeing approach to your life’s

work. These five actions are characteristics of successful

women who have navigated a transition in the later stages of

their career and business supported by positive psychology,

neurobiology, and coaching.

This B.R.A.V.E. approach to life work coaching is based on

my personal and professional experience of over 20 years in

the pharmaceutical and healthcare communications industry

as well as from my recent interviews with professional work-

ing women (and one man!). The B.R.A.V.E. approach is not

for the fainthearted, but for those women who are ready to

bravely connect with their vulnerability yet celebrate their

successes and forge ahead to reignite their life’s work.

x—Be Your Own Brave

After moving to Boston, I wanted to energize my life’s work.

As a healthcare marketing consultant and women’s health ad-

vocate for years, I loved my work, but the passion I once had

for entrepreneurship had begun to fade. My patient advocacy

work was fulfilling, but I was looking to make more of an im-

pact. Still, I found that no matter how many hours I spent cre-

ating, writing, blogging, and being visible online, something

was missing. I realized what was missing was my “why” and

no amount of additional skills or expertise could simply fill

that emotionally-driven gap.

It was as if I was stuck “in neutral” and the “why” behind my

business faded in transition to “what’s next.”

I hired a career coach to work toward full-time employment

in Boston, but it was an interview I went on that inspired a

light bulb moment. The question I was asked by the Dean at

a major university was, “Who are You?” In a manner that was

purely inquisitive on a deep level, his question rocked my

center. I had never really considered that question before. In

fact, I had prepared so well from a career and skills perspec-

tive, that I was then able to see what I had neglected. Indeed,

I was between a rock and a hard place in terms of desiring

autonomy and wanting to make an impact in women’s health.

Call it a midlife crisis, my fifty plus year-old self left the inter-

view with a big question mark. It wasn’t about age, it was

about purpose. For the next three years, I would embark on a

self-discovery journey unlike my prior pathway towards ca-

reer success on Madison Avenue.

Paving a pathway through transitions is important for many

people as their life evolves and changes. This stuck feeling

can come from trading money for what stirs you. When you

Introduction―xi

ignore this stirring for a long time, your gifts cannot emerge,

your voice is diluted, your impact is less, and your income

plateaus!

It’s certainly not all about “income” though. You have the op-

portunity to share your uniqueness with the world in a way

that makes a difference and inspires others as well!

If this speaks to you and you’re wondering what’s next, you

must know that being brave comes from knowing

your strengths and believing in your inner wisdom. From

here, your resilience and your outlook hold the code for in-

creased energy, and these help you to gain the new skills you

need for today’s dynamic business environment.

I know from my own experience that it felt safer to keep my

best gifts buried and to hide behind a company name. Some-

times when I was giving a talk, a lump would fill up my throat

and my voice would quiver with self-doubt. I was starting to

use my voice, but I would end up telling myself “You’re not

ready or your voice would sound stronger”.

Over time, the stirring soon became a loud whisper. It was as

if my gift was like Adele’s song, singing to me, “Hello, it’s me, I

was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet...”

What would it be like if you stopped proving yourself to

your family and friends and instead focused on shar-

ing your signature gifts with those who you can truly

serve? Can you align these gifts with your purpose or call-

ing?

Will you embrace your gifts wholeheartedly or will you let

them float away from you, reducing your own self-worth,

value, and money-making potential?

xii—Be Your Own Brave

Who is this book for?

This book guides professional working women, team leaders,

change making entrepreneurs, and marketing consultants

who are seeking a change in their life’s work or want to make

a transition that’s more in sync with who they are and how

they want to “be” in their life’s work. Yes, we all talk about

purpose, but this guidebook will help you realize it’s more

than just a sentence. It’s part of your essential nature, your life

force. And, it generates the energy you need to sustain your

life’s work.

Even if you’re intrigued, but still skeptical about the science

of bravery, this is an invitation to join me as I bring along

many other women ready to reignite their life’s work and live

well. There’s more fun in numbers, so let’s build our bravery

muscles and, at the same time, empower other women to

make the world a better place!

Let’s begin to journey together with our heads and hearts on

this new pathway, this brave operating system!

This book will help you:

1. See yourself in a new light, authentically leading your

life

2. Get inspired to practice bravery in an empowered way

3. Make a brave move to catalyze your desires into action

and reignite your life’s work

Whatever your path, please use this book to get connected to

your own definition of bravery and to collaborate with other

like-minded women to reignite your careers or businesses!

Introduction―xiii

Be Your B.R.A.V.E. is Today’s Call-to-Action for Wellbeing

and Leadership!

There’s a female leadership gap to fill in business, technology,

law, academics, and medicine. Now is the time for us to be

the catalyst, whether we set ourselves up for entrepreneur-

ship or a new position in an organization. If we want to see

change truly happen, it must start within each of us. Are you

ready to join other like-minded women to fill the leadership

and wellbeing gap?

For decades, highly educated women have twisted and

turned themselves to be “the square peg in a round hole” as

they adapt to fit masculine-oriented cultures and policies at

work. Women get raises by fitting in and shape-shifting as

best as we can. Combined with family caretaking as a priority,

we can easily feel the conflict between our own well-being

and the demands of work.

It all begins at a very early age, when boys are encouraged to

be brave and girls are encouraged to be perfect. This leads

many women to doubt themselves in their professional and

personal lives, especially when they experience the conflict

involved in child or eldercare. As women’s’ caretaking roles

evolve with changing life stages, their wage-earning years are

interrupted with time off and transitions to self-employment

or no employment. This makes it difficult to recapture wages

when reentering the workforce.

All of this financial and emotional stress compromises a

working women’s health and wellbeing. Ironically, a

woman’s heart can bear the brunt of much of this stress

throughout her life, as she ages.

xiv—Be Your Own Brave

Stark Reality for Midlife Working Women:

• Gallup’s Well-Being Survey has found that one in five

midlife employees are disengaged and far likelier to re-

port stress and physical pain.

• After childbirth, women bring in less after returning to

the workforce, while the opposite is true for working

fathers.2

• Women’s caregiving roles zap an average of $324,044

in compensation due to caregiving for aging parents.3

• Compared to men, women have been 1:1 in qualifica-

tions in many fields like medicine and law since the

1980’s and yet in 2017, women still are 1:4, sometimes

as little as 1:20 in positions of leadership.4

• After 50 years of age, women earn just 77% of her 50-

year old male counterpart. 5

• Female physicians in primary care earn nearly 18% less

than their male counterparts. Among all physicians,

the pay disparity is even more pronounced, with fe-

male physicians earning 36% less than male physi-

cians.6

• Women’s health and well-being suffers with heart dis-

ease as the number one cause of death among women.

Now, women younger than 55 years old are being di-

agnosed with heart disease due to changes in defini-

tion. 7

• Women are nearly twice as likely as men to be diag-

nosed with depression and, if disengaged at work, this

number is more compelling.8

Introduction―xv

The Brave Moves That Help You Reignite Your Life’s

Work & Thrive

For perspective, we all have financial constraints that guide

our choices and decisions. I am writing as your inner mentor

and advocate for your own health and well-being. Gallup’s

Well-Being Poll is one that drives the point home! Their re-

sults with Baby Boomers and Gen Xers show that a disen-

gaged employee suffers from stress and depression more of-

ten than an engaged employee.

That’s just another reason why working women over 45 must

seriously consider the opportunity to be on a brave journey -

one that’s meaningful, purposeful, and productive...and that

nurtures living well and working well.

This approach is a leadership strategy for women who may

be “doing” more than “being.” For those whose to-do list

never includes self-care, this dynamic underscores how in-

creasing self-awareness or self-knowledge can help you to

transition and to reignite your life’s work after years of meet-

ing external demands, ill-fitting cultures, caregiving, and fi-

nancial obligations.

This is about tuning in to be your best self and then sparking

a chain reaction with others, collaborating and co-creating to

move forward in your life’s work.

Once women hit 40, we start to shift our actions that align

more with who we are, our priorities, values, and beliefs. Our

evolving life’s work comes from a deeper source of curiosity

than questioning the status quo or personal inquiry. This is

how and where you will find your true power source. This

curiosity helps you overcome self-limiting beliefs and leads

you to who you are at your essence.

xvi—Be Your Own Brave

If you read this quick book and something sparks your inter-

est, you may be closer than you think to your best life’s work!

It is entirely possible to take small meaningful steps - brave

moves - that offer you insight so you can work well and

thrive!

Be Your B.R.A.V.E is a Mind Body Approach

This approach to working well integrates the science of neu-

robiology, gender empowerment, and women’s own wis-

dom. That’s why each chapter will include a guided medita-

tion and self-reflection questions that encourage the sympa-

thetic nervous system to take over. This effectively reduces

the fear hormones that also play havoc with weight gain and

heart disease (namely, cortisol), so that your body’s wisdom

can support you in being the creator for your life’s work. In-

stead of reacting to life and work as if we are always facing a

saber-toothed tiger, no longer our real threat, we pause and

choose whether or not to respond to triggers and stressors at

work. This approach expands our capacity for accepting what

is and increasing our ability to reflect on our capacity for mak-

ing a brave move.

Yes, this takes bravery, and it sometimes feels like you’re not

“doing” anything due to a society that values action and im-

mediacy. But, simply being present and giving yourself time

to think and self-reflect leads to a more authentic, joyous,

graceful, and sovereign way of living and working well. This

is how you find your own brave!

It takes bravery to come out of hiding behind work titles,

roles, status, image, family, business, or community!

Those are false armors that disguise who we are and allow us

to “fit in”. Committing to a brave pathway encourages

Introduction―xvii

women to voice their truth and beauty and own their pur-

pose, their story, their “true essence”. Then, with that

knowledge and self-awareness, you’ll feel and see what’s

missing in the world, and you will be able to choose how you

want to meet those needs with your unique gifts. In doing so,

you’ll empower other women to do the same!

“The big questions you ask yourself require courage” -

Kelley Connors, MPH, Life Work Coach for Professional

Working Women

There are five ways to make a brave move to reignite your

life’s work. From my conversations with a dozen women who

value their work life and have invested time and resources

into reigniting their life’s work, I’ve captured those that illus-

trate why bravery comes from inspired actions from the head

and heart. All of your brave moves require you to tune in, let

go of what is not serving you, and connect your head and

heart. This will clear the way for inspired action that, ulti-

mately, is what will give you more courage and confidence

than a daily “to do” list!

What I found in my interviews was the following:

• Women who believe in their own self-worth and align

with their purpose are able to move forward despite a

wide range of personal and professional obstacles.

• Committing to your own self-growth is the path that

gives you the choice to use your life’s work to make a

bigger difference in the world.

• Be the witness to your thoughts and motivations. Self-

reflect for the opportunity to choose courage over com-

fort as you navigate forward.

xviii—Be Your Own Brave

The Big Myth Professional Working Women Believe

That Keeps Them Stuck and Stressed: Perfection vs

Bravery

Reshma Saujani, Founder and Chief Executive of Girls Who

Code, noted in the June 2019 New Rules Summit that, even on

the playground, boys are told to climb to the top of the mon-

key bars and jump off while girls are told to be careful. “We

definitely socialize our girls to be perfect and socialize our

boys to be brave,” she said.

The female brave operating system, with its focus on calm-

ness, clarity, and courage, allows women to dump the idea

that perfection is the key to living well, working well, and

thriving. The challenge for brave women is to commit to a

personal and professional journey for cultivating bravery

from the inside out. Like working out a new muscle, your

bravery will emerge from repeated practice with the mind

body connection!

The principles of this practice require you to:

• integrate mind and body, head and heart in decision

making

• discern body intelligence as data for brave responses

• power up with collaborative skills, not competitive

threats

• align actions with purpose; practicing bravery means

well-being for leaders

Chapter 1- B

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is trans-

lated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all

time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist

through any other medium and will be lost.”

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a cer-

tain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way

to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”

be·come

/bəˈkəm/

verb

1. begin to be.

stir·ring

/ˈstəriNG/

adjective

1. causing great excitement or strong emotion; rousing.

2—Be Your Own Brave

My own experience and light bulb moment ignited a stirring

inside me.

As I slowed down on my hamster wheel, constantly searching

for the next best solution to my problems looking for my next

job, I tuned into what I call a stirring.

A stirring, in this instance, is like a calling from your deepest

desires. Your body holds the code in this realm. Take it from

me, it can seem easier to ignore this stirring and instead just

work your “to do” list and stay on the familiar hamster wheel.

We often ignore our body and it’s nervous system as “unin-

telligent” as we place knowledge squarely in the realm of

“brain,” but in fact, your body remembers the past traumas,

fears, worries, and concerns. However, your body also holds

the code for joy and ease. When we only live in our heads, we

miss the data that comes from our body, and we can lose the

connection with ourselves!

Body intelligence is knowledge or information that comes

from the connection between your brain, your mind, and your

body. This connection is affected by your thoughts, your de-

sire to stay alive, and your desire for love and belonging. In

order to navigate change and fear in your life’s work, you

must be able to override your primitive (limbic) brain’s sig-

nals and use your mind and body connection to make brave

moves.

If you are constantly fighting or flight-ing, then you are using

a lot of your energy to simply survive perceived threats.

When you decide to work with brave moves as a seasoned

professional working woman, you begin to practice your

mind body connection effectively. This connection is an

amazing system of neural networks, chemical reactions, and

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―3

sensations that all work together. The autonomic nervous sys-

tem keeps our heart beating and our lungs breathing. Our

parasympathetic system, part of the autonomic nervous sys-

tem that prepares us for stress, fight or flight, releases hor-

mones epinephrine and norepinephrine that accelerate the

heart rate when we’re under pressure or stress. The result can

interfere with our best decision making, if we let it. The trick

is to unhook our impulse to act out of an old story or fear. Yes,

we CAN practice responding to or managing stress when we

sense it’s looming presence. This is the best way to be a creator

or designer in your own life.

One of the easiest ways to start incorporating body intelli-

gence is to begin to notice how our body feels and pay atten-

tion to any response we have when we’re challenged or when

we feel afraid. Scientists refer to Interoceptive Awareness as

the ability to notice the internal sensations of the body such as

heartbeat, breathing, digestive symptoms, pain, pressure, etc.

Just connecting with this is preparation for addressing what’s

most important or pressing to you.

How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move

“The whole body-mind thing comes into play when you are feeling that

self-doubt and your body is not going to help you if you’re not paying at-

tention. Your body’s going to go with the self-doubt and make you feel

worse, so by making the adjustments - pulling your shoulders back,

standing up straight, walking in a more sort of expansive way - all sorts

of little things will help pull you out of that self-doubt.”

- Amy Cuddy, PhD,

Harvard Business School Executive Education, Social Psycholo-

gist, Author, Presence

4—Be Your Own Brave

Your awareness of your own body’s reactions can be your

guide as you tune in and navigate the path forward and cul-

tivate being brave. While most of us respond to external stim-

uli appropriately when our bodies signal us to do so, many of

us miss the more subtle signals we are being sent about what

we are feeling on the inside. We all know to put a coat on

when it’s cold outside, but it can be more challenging to ne-

gotiate the root cause of discomfort when it’s emotional. Take

a moment to check in with your body, find where you feel

tension, unease, or discomfort. Now, try to visualize the ideal

outcome for your life’s work and check in again. See if you

can narrow down sensations in your body to those that are

being triggered by starting something new that you have not

done before.

Start at your head and work your way down. Are your shoul-

ders tense or relaxed? Is your breathing fast or slow? Is your

heart hammering in your chest or plodding along confi-

dently? Does your stomach feel like it’s in knots or calm? Are

you dragging and tired or a bundle of nervous energy? Use

these clues to tap into your body and find out what it truly

needs, emotionally and physically.

Bravery isn’t just about how you feel in the moment, however.

We, as busy people, are always looking outward and always

in action, which can make it hard to find and connect with

what stirs you. Your deepest desires give you a guide to reig-

niting your life’s work when you get disconnected from living

this modern life.

Why is this first step so important? It’s critical to know what’s

important to you based on your deepest desires because it

gives you both the direction and the motivation to stay on the

path to your true destiny. Your deepest desire is partly your

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―5

likes and dislikes, but the problem is that these can change

over time with the conditions and circumstances of your life.

Your body intelligence can help guide you!

Truly knowing what you want in life must come from a foun-

dation of what stirs you, your deepest desires, to bring about

your own personal fulfillment. Have you taken time to self-

reflect and notice what happens in your body as well? This

may even be the first step to lifestyle changes that improve

your well-being.

Beyond discovery, this means you must be present and con-

nected to those who can support you and provide a safe land-

ing as you navigate forward. It’s important to be vulnerable

with the people that you have chosen to be part of your sup-

port circle. It’s great when those who support you experience

your authenticity and can co-create with you toward your

goals. It’s way easier to be brave and authentic when you have

a cheering section, right?

Meet Yari Golden-Castano, Immigrant, Astronaut

Preparing for the Mars One Project

I’d like to introduce you to a wonderfully brave and interest-

ing woman who I heard speak at International Women’s Day

in Boston recently - Yari Golden-Castaño. Yari is a great ex-

ample of someone who followed her early childhood instincts

and desires to meet her destiny. As an immigrant from Mex-

ico, her journey was not without major challenges. Yet, she

was someone who knew what she wanted to do from an early

age and followed her deepest desire to explore outer space.

While you may have had a desire since childhood, you might

have veered away from it due to lack of money, other’s opin-

ions, or any number of reasons. It’s not too late to get in touch

6—Be Your Own Brave

with your inner child to discover your deepest desire and use

it to move forward!!

Yari’s fascination with outer space began during her early

childhood growing up in Mexico. Her mother and grand-

mother encouraged her to be anything she wanted to be. Her

grandmother told her about the first man in orbit, and her

mother dressed her in a little astronaut onesie that embodied

Yari in imagination and the possibility of being an astronaut.

Now at age 30, Yari Golden-Castaño is turning her childhood

dream into a potential reality. She has qualified as one of the

100 finalists for the Mars One Project, which is organized by

a private company in the Netherlands. The Mars One trip is

supposed to allow for the unprecedented human expedition

to Mars in 2031, where the final 24 candidates will live the re-

mainder of their lives on this new planet. These candidates

will travel with the goal of evaluating and analyzing re-

sources for human habitation.

From Yari:

“By day, I am a systems engineer at MIT Lincoln Laboratory ad-

vancing technology for National Defense and Space. By night, I am

one of 100 aspiring Mars settlers from around the world preparing

and training for a one-way trip to settle on the red planet. I am a

strong advocate for girls in STEM, I organize and run hands-on

workshops to introduce girls to engineering and speak at schools,

universities, and professional organizations about the importance of

following your dreams, space exploration, and the Mars One Pro-

ject.

In college, people told me I could not be an astronaut. I had no expe-

rience at that point. I was working on my engineering degree, but,

as a woman from Mexico, I didn’t feel prepared for the workforce.

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―7

One day, I said to myself, “I am going to get a job - a good job!” I

had to go after my life-long vision to stand on another planet.

I never thought I could stand in front of anyone and tell my story.

The first time I told my story, so many people were curious. That’s

when I realized the power of speaking. When I went back to Mexico

and back to my elementary school, the kids were so excited and said,

“You were one of us, we can grow up to be like you!”

I’m in the process. I’m on the path. I never had a role model who

looked like me. Being open, being out there, sharing; I never believed

I could do it. Now, I can hear my 5 year old self saying, “Believe in

yourself, trust yourself, it will be OK.”

I do value all experiences; that’s why I am successful. I love them all

now. I talk about them all the time. You, too, should believe in your-

self. Others won’t know you, if not.”

Yari’s Brave Tip:

Only you can decide which rules are important because other

people don’t always know why the rules are there or why they

might not matter to you. Not all rules make sense. It’s your life.

Even if everything is against you, be brave and believe in yourself.

Believe that you can do it.”

Be Your Brave Exercise #1: Cultivate Clarity

Clarity, not perfection, goes hand in hand with bravery.

What’s required is to empty your subconscious of negative or

conflicting thoughts to pave the way to calm and clarity. One

way to empty the mind, clear your perspective, and remem-

ber who you are is to engage in quiet time each morning. This

ritual prepares you for making a brave move because it helps

8—Be Your Own Brave

you tune in to connect with your essential nature, without re-

acting to what we think we should do or what others expect

of us.

From a neurobiological perspective, recent studies reveal that

taking time for silence restores the nervous system, helps sus-

tain energy, and conditions our minds to be more adaptive

and responsive to the complex environments in which so

many of us now live, work, and lead. Two-minutes of silence

inserted between musical pieces is more stabilizing to cardio-

vascular and respiratory systems than even the music catego-

rized as “relaxing.” 10

What better way to start each day then with silence? Each

morning take 10 minutes to write in your journal. Empty your

mind of clutter and clear your lens for the day by engaging in

spontaneous journaling about whatever comes to your mind.

I’ve practiced this and it really works well, especially if you

are looking to start the day with clarity of mind.

When you journal, there is no judgement. You are the witness

of your thoughts, but not the judge of them. Watch how the

words flow and don’t judge. With a relaxed mind, you can

empty the negativity that constrains you and keeps you stuck

and out of ease with your life’s work.

(Source: Julia Cameron, Walking in the World, The Practical Art of

Creativity”)

Brave Journaling: The Essential You

If you would like a spark for journaling, here are some helpful

questions. You may find yourself focusing on one or two each

morning, recollecting old passions and interests which are

buried in your subconscious. Have a go at this:

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―9

• When were you happiest as a child?

• What were you doing?

• Describe the feeling. Who was with you?

• What do you remember the most about what made

you happy as a child?

• What were the colors around you?

• Describe your favorite game?

• What was your favorite belonging and why?

• What were you passionate about, even if for just a short

time?

• What are you passionate about today?

• What brings you joy today?

• How have these things changed over time?

• How can you reclaim some of the joy you experienced

as a child?

• Track your activities for the next week. How often do

you do things that bring a joyful, connected feeling?

Where can you make time to do those things more?

Chapter 2- R

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen. Because

true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect

selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than

our level of self-acceptance.”

“Courage is necessary to make radical and life-giving changes in your

mind and body that will allow you to flourish on all levels.”

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands

back to see if we can find them.”

“Reconnecting with the essence of you is not a reinvention or a re-de-

sign of who you are. It is the discovery process where you’ll remember

who you are before you “were born”.

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―11

Re·veal

\ ri-ˈvēl

verb

1: to make known through divine inspiration

2: to make (something secret or hidden) publicly or generally known

reveal a secret

3: to open up to view

Es·sence

/ˈesəns/

noun

1. the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, espe-

cially something abstract, that determines its character.

2. the permanent as contrasted with the accidental element of being

The hardest question we can ever ask ourselves is “Who Am

I?” What makes it so difficult is that your initial response may

deceive you. You may believe who you are has more to do

with your upbringing, your role, your own expectations, and

the demands by others than a connection with your essence

and your purpose.

Essence lies in both your head and your heart. Likely, you’ve

gotten glimpses of your pure essence, like I did many times,

but may have been too self-conscious or too busy getting

things done to recognize it. You may feel that you are too old

or too young or not at all ready for what’s next. You might

believe all the old stories that undermine your connection

with the pure essence that is you.

12—Be Your Own Brave

So, how does one find, explore, or sense their true essence? Is

this just an inner experience? Why is it important to make a

brave move?

The Essential You is not your brain, your mind, your

thoughts, your body or even your external experiences. Your

essence is what makes you joyful and what makes you inspir-

ing, both energy sources that can move you and lift others up.

Your essence is what breaks your heart and it’s also what

makes your heart sing. Your essence can remain invisible to

you (though not to others) unless you embark on a coura-

geous journey for self-discovery, from which you gain in-

sights that help you sync yourself up, perhaps helping you

transition to what’s next.

How can you discover the Essential YOU?

The heart is key for bravery, therefore the first step to finding

your essential you is to bring your heart on board, connect

your mind and body, and tap into its intelligence or wisdom.

First, take a minute to relax and have a calm mind. For years,

many women have relied on their brain because we were

trained with an authoritarian or male model of business.

What happens when we live in our head? Simply answered,

living in our head is limiting ourselves to the logical and lin-

ear decisions that we have to make. This is now inadequate

for today’s working world in business, medicine, law, tech-

nology, etc. Much of the feminine style of leadership is key for

collaboration, inclusivity, flexibility, and creativity along with

the masculine leadership style that has guided decisions for

as long as I can remember.

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―13

For example, when we think of big decisions in our lives, we

often consider what is a “smart decision” rather than incorpo-

rating bravery into the process. A smart decision isn’t always

a brave move. If you are considering where to live, what

house to buy, or where to apply for a job, it is a process of

choosing based on your income, job prospects, and prefer-

ences. This decision is much more linear than those decisions

that require opening up to new possibilities and having the

courage of your convictions to follow what your heart is steer-

ing you towards. Trust in what makes your heart sing because

your heart’s energy comes from a more motivating place, one

that you can continually replenish through self-reflection, so-

cial connections, inspiration, joy, and practicing generosity.

How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move: Remember Who

You Are at Heart

“Who are you?” has to do with how you answer the question “What is

your purpose in life?” One of the key points I want to make is

that connecting with your true essence is not a leap to “how

can I reinvent myself?” Reinvention is about actions you take

to pivot or shift so you are more in sync with your purpose.

The key action in Brave Moves™ coaching requires tapping

into your true essence to reveal your deepest desires for your

life’s work.

Some of us have defined ourselves by our career achieve-

ments or our familial roles and while those experiences have

shaped you, your priorities, your desires and dislikes, they

are external to you. They are not the same as the essential you.

Channel the child that you were around ages 5-7, before ex-

pectations of who you should be shaped who you were.

Do you doubt your true essence?

14—Be Your Own Brave

Connecting with your true essence requires owning your

story. Your story is your key to unlocking shame and imper-

fection in favor of bravery and wisdom. For me personally,

my deepest desire is to connect women for power and more

agency across the generations, individually and collectively,

around the world. It comes from being a girl in an Irish Cath-

olic family where male energy was dominant and female en-

ergy was less visible and subservient. Certainly, the recent

World Championship of the US Women’s Soccer Team has

opened up new channels for women to lead in competitive

arenas. Still, shame can come from perceived areas of imper-

fection and weakness.

When I am in action around female empowerment, I know I

can overcome challenges and the stress of not fitting in per-

fectly as business evolves. With a more holistic view of my

purpose, I am much more motivated to learn new skills in so-

cial media and professional development in areas like coach-

ing and mindfulness. Acquiring new skills has fueled my abil-

ity to expand my capacity as a Life Work Coach and Commu-

nications Consultant. These days, I find that I make life work

choices based on my purpose that’s in sync with “Who Am

I”?

“Accepting what made you who you are today and celebrating

all that you have overcome. This is the key to making your

next brave move.”

- Kelley Connors, MPH, Life Work Coach

Meet Mary Jaensch, Career Coach

Mary Jaensch, Career Coach, shares her experience about the

transformation that occurred when she took a few years to re-

ignite her life’s work. During her transition from a global

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―15

product innovator and marketer, she discovered her calling

as a career coach.

“In 2013, I got fired from the company I started. My marriage was

in trouble. I was aware of how disconnected I was from myself. I did

not know how to reconnect.

I spent the last five years coming to terms with who I really am. It

was not clear to me, and I wasn’t accepting it (myself).

The biggest challenge is being you and being part of a community

at the same time. Ask yourself the questions that reveal alternatives.

This takes bravery.

First, I was escaping where I was, because I could not tolerate home

and where I was. I slept in an airport one night instead of going back

home. I just could not tolerate it. I was not in physical danger, but I

can relate to the idea of immigration and needing to leave one’s

home.

This one simple act of leaving what was formerly my home gave me

the bravery to do things I didn’t like. There are things we don’t like

and keep us from being brave and being who we really are.

Sometimes connecting to YOU is about leaving a place or a situa-

tion. Bravery takes you forward to get to where you’re going.

After several years of being invisible, hiding behind a company

name, I am stepping out and coaching and it makes my heart sing.

To have clarity means we have mirrors. We can’t see who we are on

our own. We must have mirrors to see clearly and that is why I have

invested in myself with coaching. It helps you clarify who you are

and you can be consciously aware of who you are becoming.

Through my own discovery process that’s taken a few years, I’m

now getting feedback that is not in conflict with how I want to see

myself.

16—Be Your Own Brave

What makes bravery so challenging is that our culture forces a com-

pare and contrast mindset which gets in the way of self-acceptance.

I jump into judging myself instead of self-compassion and self-ac-

ceptance. This takes bravery to see yourself without judgement and

the inner critic.”

Mary’s Brave Move Tip:

“Bravery is being able to tolerate what you see in yourself. First,

you have to be open to seeing yourself. It’s a willingness to walk

into the unknown enough and this takes self-compassion for

women like me, who’ve been trained in business to disconnect

from their heart.”

So, let’s begin with an exercise that touches your heart and

catalyzes inspired action. I’ll be your guide as you tune in, re-

lax your body and mind, and feel what’s going on.

Be Your Brave Exercise #2: Get Connected with Your Heart

Let your brain relax. Use this heart meditation for access to

what moves you, what inspires you. Feel what really matters

by tapping into your heart’s high vibrational energy.

1. Begin by sitting in a comfortable position and close

your eyes.

2. For just this moment, let go of your thoughts and the

outside world.

3. Focus your attention on your spiritual heart center, in

the middle of your chest, and be aware of your heart as

space. The heart center is a point of awareness where

feelings enter. In its essence, the heart is pure empti-

ness, pervaded by peace and a subtle light.

4. Resting your attention easily on your heart center,

breathe gently and sense your breath flowing into your

Chapter2R- Reveal Your Essence for Authenticity―17

heart. You may want to visualize a soft, pastel light or

coolness pervading the chest.

5. Let your breath go in and out, and as it does, ask your

heart what it needs to say. Don’t phrase this as an or-

der, just have the faint intention that you want your

heart to express itself.

6. For the next 5 or 10 minutes, just sit and listen. Your

heart will begin to release emotions, memories, wishes,

fears, and dreams long stored inside. As it does, you

will find yourself paying attention.

You may have a flash of strong emotion - positive or negative

- or a forgotten memory. Your breathing may change. You

may gasp, sigh, or feel tears come into your eyes. Let the ex-

perience be what it is. If you daydream or drift off into sleep,

don’t worry. Just bring your attention back to your heart cen-

ter.

The heart’s message is perfect.

Whether it speaks to you in sadness or fear, delight or pleas-

ure, its message is exactly what you need. If voices of anger,

worry, or doubt start to arise, allow them to speak and then

let them go, easily and comfortably. You are learning to be

with your heart. You are listening to your heart without

judgement - this is attention.

Brave Journaling: Your Heart’s Desire

• Begin by letting your mind relax and just breathe into

your heart. Take your pencil and start to write about

love, creativity, and generosity.

• What is your heart’s desire?

• What is it about that desire that draws you?

• What is it about creativity that is calling you?

18—Be Your Own Brave

• What is your creative spirit telling you?

• What is calling you towards generosity?

• What inspires you to be generous?

• How can you be more generous?

You may not have answers to all of these questions and that’s

okay. The point of these questions is to take a step away from

everyday concerns, the laundry, the task list, the kids’ school

progress, and even your own health issues…and remember

what makes our heart sing!

Chapter 3: - A

“A warrior’s mission is to foster the success of others.”

a·lign

/əˈlīn/

verb

give support to (a person, organization, or cause).

am·pli·fy

/ˈampləˌfī/

verb

to make larger or greater (as in amount, importance, or inten-

sity) : increase

mis·sion

/ˈmiSHən/

noun

a strong commitment and sense of duty to do or achieve

something

Purpose. You have it. It may need cultivating so it can show

itself to you. I call it your mission.

As Victor Frankl wrote in “Man’s Search For Meaning,” you

can endure any journey as long as you know your ‘why’.

When you commit to a journey, you’re not just committing to

20—Be Your Own Brave

the thrill of success and reaching your goal, you’re commit-

ting to being a kind-hearted warrior, armed with purpose be-

hind your goal.

Having a purpose makes it impossible to merely exist. When

you have a definite reason for living, a “why” behind every

action, your passions and talents will drive you toward a

happy, fulfilling destination.

How do you find your purpose? Finding your inner purpose

requires you to eschew the voice of your inner critic and em-

brace the voice of your inner mentor.

How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move

What gets in the way of clarity about your purpose?

Meet your inner critic!

The inner critic tells us that we aren’t good enough or that we

should be doing more. It measures us against everyone else

and reminds us how we fall short. This inner critic often talks

to us in our own voice and can sometimes sound logical,

which can be very deceiving. The voice of the inner critic is

behind why women go for perfection and give up on what is

most meaningful to them. The inner critic may even encour-

age us to give up on our purpose because it seems unrealistic

and hopeless.

How does this voice make you feel in your body? Defensive?

Ashamed? Fearful? Likely, your inner critic aims to fight the

truth of who you are and therefore, your body stays closed to

what’s possible. (You may want to explore this in one of your

morning body scans.)

Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―21

Our innate human wiring is for self-doubt, negativity, and

protection from danger (think of the reptilian response to

fearing a saber-toothed tiger). Your inner critic is the one that

sounds like a snarky friend, a litigious lawyer, an old fash-

ioned school marm, a bully, a mean girl, or an admonishment

of possibility. Your inner critic can be cleverly disguised as

your protector, your rational advisor.

The inner critic tells you “you’re not ready, people will laugh,

you’re on your own”. We think the inner critic is protecting

us, but it actually makes us fearful of not belonging if we be-

lieve it.

This critical voice keeps us small and doubtful, measuring

ourselves against others, insecure and fearful of the un-

known. It’s a barrier to exploration and a dream squasher. The

inner critic can be disguised as our wise mentor and we even

actually believe the wisdom of it. The inner critic is so familiar

that it can feel like the water we swim in.

So, how do you tell the difference between your inner critic

and your inner mentor? This is where bravery comes in! We

can push back against this voice with courage and heart,

knowing that this inner critic may have been formed as a de-

fense mechanism back when it was needed, however, we no

longer need this voice to hold us back.

Let’s go back to body intelligence. Each voice makes you feel

differently. Your inner critic keeps your body feeling con-

stricted, small, protected, and defensive. You feel less energy

flowing. You get tired from fighting the same battles inside

your head, over and over again.

The inner mentor is the brave, wise, loving self and its voice

leaves you feeling open-hearted, empowered, and confident.

22—Be Your Own Brave

Your body feels open and spacious when you access the inner

mentor. You are calm and relaxed, but focused!

And, before I lead you inadvertently down a primrose path,

let me share something important. Your inner mentor can also

deliver tough love, but she does so without guilt or shame.

She is not as familiar as the inner critic, so you might not rec-

ognize her voice, and instead, easily dismiss her wisdom.

But, wait...The inner mentor is connected to the essence of

who you are. It IS the essence of you! Don’t dismiss her as

weak, just because she won’t shame you. She offers a voice of

tough love, but only when she knows you are ready for it. Lis-

ten carefully and claim your seat at the table with her.

Meet Sean Harvey, Chief Compassion Officer at

Symponia Studios

I met Sean when he was working at EILEEN FISHER in Ir-

vington, NY as a workshop and retreat leader. Prior to EF, he

was a college professor for 10 years and worked in his own

consulting business for over 20 years. His mission shifted

from transactional in nature to transformational in essence.

“There was something about my consulting work that became trans-

actional. It wasn’t until I interviewed with the women’s clothing

company, EILEEN FISHER, that I experienced how feminine lead-

ership really worked. Starting with the interview process, I experi-

enced how compassion and collaboration were integrated into the

unique culture. I saw how the arts can inform facilitation of groups

in unconventional ways. My own purpose today was born out of a

question from my work at EF: “What if more men had exposure to

this?” Today, I am committed to holding space for a more feminine

leadership style, and for this to benefit men, it must be spiritually

grounded. That’s why I entered the seminary two year program.”

Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―23

Sean’s Brave Tip:

“Know your purpose, and align it with a business imperative. I’ve

realized that what the market needs right now is what humanity

needs. It’s gender bridge building work that brings men and

women together, to connect and collaborate differently. “

Sean’s story may resemble yours if you are close to what your

heart desires. Yes, listening to our inner mentor can be helpful

in making the brave move. If so, try this guided meditation to

meet your inner mentor, your brave, wise loving self.

Be Your Brave Exercise #3: Meet Your Inner Mentor

Sit in a calm, relaxed position

Connect your feet to the earth

Breathe in normally

We are going to go on a journey to meet your brave, wise, loving

inner mentor

Envision an opening through the roof into the sky, into the atmos-

phere through which you feel called to ascend

You have an expansive and open view of your life with no con-

strictions

Feel safe in the open dark velvet universe of which you are a part of

Step onto a beam that is going to bring you into the home of your

brave wise loving self

As you step onto the beam, you are carried into the home and are

greeted at the door of your wise self, a beautiful woman

She has a gift to share with you, and you feel immediately embraced

by her acceptance and generosity

24—Be Your Own Brave

She asks you to join her for tea, and you notice the surroundings,

the light, the paintings on the wall inside her home

Notice which direction the house faces, how it feels, the fabrics, and

the smells

Notice her face, eyes, feel the touch of her hand on your hand as she

listens to your questions:

How do I know what’s most important to me?

Who am I?

How can I follow my true song?

Your face softens, your eyes melt, your ears soften, your shoulders

slide down your back as she whispers your truth

You are relaxed and at home, remembering what it is that is so im-

portant to you

When it’s time to go, you thank her for her time

You accept her warm goodbye and step out of the house and back

onto the beam that brought you there

You leave the home and ascend into the universe with a view of your

own home clearly in sight

As you descend back down on the beam that takes you home, you

feel grateful to have met your brave wise loving self

You know you can always return, you just have to ask her your

questions...and listen to her calm, steady, and loving response

Brave Journaling - Meet Your Inner Mentor

Now, take a pen and journal the following questions:

● Describe the gift she has given you.

● How does her presence and voice change how you feel?

● Describe her home and how it made you feel.

Chapter3A- Align with Your Mission for Power―25

● What is her name?

● What has she told you that you may be ready or not to be-

lieve?

Questions that help you clarify your purpose:

● What has she said that is intriguing to you and that calls

you?

● Where is your sense of belonging? Where do you feel at

home?

● How does your home offer guidance on the path to purpose?

● How does your home feel to you? Does it reveal your pur-

pose?

● Who are you called to serve?

● What are they missing and how you can serve them?

● Who seeks out your guidance and how do you help them?

Chapter 4: - V

“It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it,

I am not going to be silent”.

“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dy-

namic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are

heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.”

truth

/tro͞oTH/

noun

the quality of being true: 2. the real facts about a situation,

event , or person

voice

/vois/

verb

wish, choice, or opinion openly or formally expressed

It’s time to voice your truth after peeling away all the layers.

Voicing your truth is asking for what you want and need from

others, being authentically and unabashedly yourself. This ac-

tion is about being vulnerable and being visible with your

whole heart. It requires you to practice overcoming the voice

of conformity and fitting in to be “successful.” There’s a space

Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―27

for you, even as you participate in a community of like-

minded women by breaking your own “old” rules. You must

break these rules of fitting in and bust through the temptation

to twist and turn yourself into something you’re not. Some of

those rules are ones you developed based on your fears and

the influence from your inner critic.

Bravery requires that people break their own rules and go

against the voice of conformity. This “fitting in” can discon-

nect us from who we really are. It’s that balance of the oppo-

sites -- fitting in versus being who we are. Life gives us op-

portunities to grow and the way you do that is to explore the

path of nonconformity. Observe where you are conforming

and looking for opportunities to be aware of your disconnec-

tion from yourself when you are “fitting in.”

You also have to take some risks that you can reframe into

opportunity! When we think of opportunities to grow, learn,

or make a difference in the world, we can identify risks that

make sense and give us a sense of possibility, not doom. These

risks are usually outweighed by the benefits. For example,

you may not want to upset the relationships in your family

because that may be too high of a price for you to pay. Other

people may be willing to take that risk. Some are willing to

leave what they’ve known because they have such a belief in

moving towards a new goal, as opposed to away from fear.

When you reframe risk, you can also go from “the shoulds”

to something more motivating, freeing, perhaps more fun and

outrageous. It will certainly be more YOU to own the risk and

be your own brave.

28—Be Your Own Brave

How to Prepare for Your Own Brave Move

A rational mind looks at the pros and cons and makes deci-

sions by doing a cost/benefit analysis. However, human be-

ings are not rational beings and are motivated by their deep-

est desires. It’s important to know your deepest desires, so

that you can truly reframe risk and know that all is well.

This requires an easy-to-answer question, if you just ask it

enough times! That question is “what’s the worst that can

happen?” Some actions that truly change relationships re-

quire serious consideration about how to present your truth

to the world. Ask yourself, how do I feel when taking this

risk? Am I getting away from a difficult situation or moving

toward a better one? When you think about becoming visible

after years of supporting others and it’s time for you to shine,

where does fear fit in?

Why is it important to voice your truth? The reality is that if

you don’t, people won’t know who you really are and you’ll

have a harder time connecting with others.

The benefit of speaking your truth is that the people who sup-

port you will see you for who you are and encourage you on

your path and those who you are meeting for the first time

will be attracted to your authenticity. You will also draw in

like-minded people. In the business sense, think of the collab-

orations you’d like to attract and what kind of people with

which you like to share your work.

Growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Revealing your truth to

the world invites others to rally behind you and to help co-

create what’s next for you as your journey continues. Keeping

Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―29

things palatable for the sake of conformity and political cor-

rectness keeps you stuck and prevents others from knowing

the real you and investing in the real you.

Voicing your truth sometimes means supporting others by

simply being silent. You want your truth to come from a place

of who you are at your essence. This is a positive place that

will uplift others.

At some point in your life, you may have made the decision

that it was no longer safe to reveal your truth, but now you

find the courage to speak up. Speaking your truth is self ad-

vocacy alongside self compassion. The inner critic keeps our

truth well hidden for fear of ridicule and shame.

It’s time to break your own rules that keep your inner critic in

control of YOU!

Meet Lisa Liljeberg, Life Coach and Founder, Dare Dreamers

Coaching and Wild Thing Expeditions

“As a young woman, I decided to study nursing (not medicine, even

though I had the grades) because it would allow me to have children

and be a mother. I was following all the “rules” of the status

quo…that’s the way it was a few decades ago!

Thankfully, at some point, I woke up! Well, at least enough to

realize that all of that wasn’t me. I changed my major to Spanish

because I loved languages. Then I changed it to German because I

wanted to learn another language. That’s when I began to question

the status quo…and follow my heart and travel the world.

For me envisioning or dreaming has always been so im-

portant because without it, what are we doing? Simply going

to work every day, without a vision or a goal…we’re unmo-

tivated and sometimes just plain bored!

30—Be Your Own Brave

That’s what happened to me, anyway. I had a great job guiding

amazing trips all over the globe, but something was missing for me.

I wanted to do more than make a great living and have fun…I

wanted to make a difference!

That’s what precipitated my own brave move. I wanted to be “go-

ing towards” something, not just staying away from something!

It took more than 3 years of self-reflection (not to mention more

than a little self-doubt), meditation, personal growth studies, myr-

iad courses in self-discovery/higher calling/life purpose before fi-

nally deciding to become a Life Coach.

In retrospect, I’d done this kind of searching my whole life, but ear-

lier did not know that this was what I was doing. I would

simply go outside and walk, talk, look, and listen (especially

to the animals) for answers. But the courses and coaching got

me to my answers much more quickly.

Lisa’s Brave Tip:

“Surround yourself with like-minded people, mentors, and

coaches. I could have moved faster had I surrounded myself with

people who believed in empowering others to succeed on their

own terms. Somebody who has been through it and can ask you

the right questions helps you move toward your dreams much

more quickly!”

Be Your Own Brave Exercise #4: Voice Your Truth

When we are in a relaxed state of focus, as opposed to a cha-

otic state of uncertainty or insecurity, we can listen to the wis-

dom of our voice. When we practice listening to our wisdom

enough, we can then seize the opportunity to actually voice it

and share our true selves.

Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―31

1. Find a comfortable chair to sit in that supports an erect

back

2. Shut the door and light a candle near you

3. Begin the following body scan, which can last any-

where from 10-12 minutes

Sit back in your chair, plant your feet on the floor.

Let your shoulders slide down on your back.

Feel your eyes sink back in your sockets, place your palms up on

your lap.

Breathe through your nose, as you inhale and exhale.

Take a deep breath in and then continue to breathe normally.

Notice the thoughts coming into your head and then refocus on your

breath. Let the thoughts roll like floating clouds passing by.

Let them go, and notice the cool air coming into your nose, warm air

coming out.

Start to bring attention to the end of your fingertips and then wiggle

them.

Bring attention to your toes and wiggle them as well.

Place your right hand over your heart, feel your heart, feel the en-

ergy that comes from your heart. As you do that, you may have

thoughts popping up, but continue to focus on your breath and just

let those thoughts slide by.

Release your hand and place it on your lap and bring attention to

your belly.

Relax your belly. Notice any tension you might feel in your belly.

Breathe into that tension and release it.

32—Be Your Own Brave

Use your breath to bring attention to your throat. Notice any con-

striction or any tightness or blocks. Take a deep breath in and release

the tension in your throat.

Bring your attention to your shoulders. Notice if your shoulders are

hunched, tight, or constricted. Take a deep breath and relax your

shoulders.

Bring your attention to your eyes, let them sink into your eye sock-

ets. As you take a deep breath in, notice the space between your eye-

brows and relax your forehead. Use your breath to relax and allow

thoughts to come and then gently let them go. Don’t judge yourself

about how you’re doing it.

With each step, you’ll notice your body begin to relax more and

you’ll be less in your head and more in your body.

Notice any tingling feelings you may have in your body and breathe

into them.

Check back in with your belly, eyes, forehead, fingertips, toes, throat,

and notice how you feel now.

Lightly open your eyes and come back into the room.

Journal how you feel now. What is different now than when

you started? Does connecting through this relaxation help

you connect with your body? In what parts of the body did

you feel the most constricted energy? Just notice.

Brave Journaling - Voice Your Truth

Journal your way to clarity with these questions:

● How does your body feel?

● Notice your body signals, listen to your body wisdom.

Chapter4V- Voice your Truth for Collaboration―33

● Think of a time when you shared your truth and you

got an unexpectedly good reaction? A time when you

got a bad reaction? How did that feel?

● In what areas of your life or work do you feel you’ve

been silencing your voice? Have you been reticent to

speak up? What is behind that? Is it about needing

more info or your own belief? Is it about connection

with others that’s lacking?

● What’s keeping you from sharing your truth? What is

lacking? Knowing what is missing will help you take

steps to fill the gap.

● What’s the worst that can happen if you share your

truth?

● What is your biggest fear about sharing your truth?

● What is the best thing that can happen if you share

your truth?

● Imagine that you have shared your truth, how do you

feel?

Chapter 5 - E

“Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new

story you are willing to create”.

“When you get these jobs that you are so brilliantly trained for, just re-

member that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free

somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower

somebody else.”

em·pow·er

/əmˈpou(ə)r/

verb

1. Give someone agency over their life, work or decisions;

give them the control and power to choose

joy

/joi/

noun

1. a feeling of great pleasure and happiness

Over the last twenty years, women have graduated with Mas-

ter’s degrees from prestigious universities exceeding that of

men, and more women are entering the C-Suite than ever.

Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―35

But, after reviewing the stark reality of the equity gap, I won-

der if we’ve miscalculated how far working women have ac-

tually come!

The answer is that we have much farther to go, for sure! That’s

why the US Women’s Soccer Team is to be commended for

increasing awareness of gender pay equity. Meghan Rapinoe,

the team’s co-captain, single-handedly increased awareness

about pay equity following her team’s championship win

with loads of national media attention!

In general, the gender equity gap impacts all of us working

women, regardless of economic status, gender identity, or

race. The issue and impact is looming large, and it’s time that

we use our collective force to be our own catalyst to close the

gap. The mantra is simply this: Empowered Women Em-

power Other Women!

It’s a big enough societal issue for all of our creative, dispar-

ate, and important interests and skill sets. Women empower-

ing other women is a business imperative and a global human

rights opportunity that can be addressed politically, cultur-

ally, socially, and personally. Opportunities to empower

other women abound even in healthcare where women have

the majority of consumer decision making power. As Elas-

tigirl said in The Incredibles: “Leave the saving of the world to

the men? I don’t think so.” Sallie Krawcheck often mentions

this quote when she’s talking about her digital investment

platform, Ellevest.

On a professional level, it may be your calling to be an agent

of change, on the front lines, working for structural changes

that face working women in the workplace today. Or you

might focus on your personal mission to empower other

36—Be Your Own Brave

women coming up the ranks through coaching and mentor-

ing.

The question for you is this...are you ready to share your own

story and voice your truth to inspire and empower other

women now coming up the ranks in your industry or busi-

ness?

Using the voice of our own inner mentor and brave self, we

can lift other women up and shine a light on their accomplish-

ments and potential. Everyone’s path is different and when

we encourage women to align themselves with their own

truths and support them in becoming visible, we will be that

much closer to closing the equity gap.

Empowering other women to be their own brave creates a cir-

cle of women helping one another. By helping other women

find their courage, their truths, and their voice, empowerment

becomes a self-sustaining cycle. This is the path of brave

women today who have a personal or professional calling to

make a difference in the world!

Meet Yvette Jarreau, Retired Eileen Fisher Leader,

Learning & Development

“Now that I’ve retired, I have some perspective I’d love to share for

women who are in the middle of their career or seeking to change out

of what is no longer working. I can relate to that as I look back on

my experience in the business world.

After going back to college in the 80’s and several years in human

resources, I found work in a consumer packaged goods company in

marketing. It was my dream job for many years, but as many of us

figure out, our interests evolve and what was once “sexy” loses its

luster!

Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―37

About 20 years ago, I realized marketing wasn’t doing it all for me,

and I was really more motivated by the people side. A friend reached

out to me from EILEEN FISHER just as I graduated with my MFT

and was getting set up to do private practice in Marriage and Fam-

ily Therapy.

I knew that I was not going to go to EILEEN FISHER, but there’s

something about curiosity. I wanted to see what the company was

really like. I knew the clothes, and my friend said it was really amaz-

ing.

In response to an HR role in employee relations and recruiting, I

said, “I’ve done that job, and I don’t want to go back to it.” In the

process, I learned that there were some other roles in people and cul-

ture at EF they might want me to consider. And I really didn’t think

they would get back to me.

A few weeks later, low and behold, the head of HR called me. Her

appeal to me was that this was a new opportunity all about leader-

ship learning and development. Well, I thought, this is an oppor-

tunity to go, and I decided to take the interview.

During the interview, my boss-to-be explained to me that she

wanted me to lead the group, something that did not interest me at

all. I had already done “that job” and I just really wanted to do the

work. My sense was that I just wanted to be part of the team.

My well-meaning friends exclaimed, “Why are you walking away?

You just got a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy”. It was hard

to resist their logic, but my gut was telling me that I should explore

this because work systems are similar to family systems and I felt

there was a bridge. And, I wanted to use that bridge to empower

other women in the company in a way that aligned with our corpo-

rate mission.

To make a long story short, I took the job and was charged with cre-

ating and building a department whose goal was to grow leaders and

38—Be Your Own Brave

help shift the whole organization to deeper, more effective, collabo-

rative decision making. Yes, kind of like marriage and family ther-

apy!”

Yvette’s Brave Tip:

And the results are in. All the research shows collaborative,

coaching leadership is more productive. As a leader, your most

important contribution is empowering others to be deeper and

more purposeful contributors...and yes, to be better than you.

Look for the greatness and bravery in yourself and others and tap

into it.

Be Your Own Brave Exercise #5: MEDITATION FOR

CHANGE MAKERS

You may love change, but many people, including working

women, try to limit change in their life’s work. However,

change and the accompanying uncertainty doesn’t need to

create more anxiety. Explore this mindfulness practice for em-

bracing change, leading a new initiative, and appreciating the

ride, however challenging.

1. Get into a comfortable position, sitting on a chair, feet

flat on the ground.

2. Bring your attention to your breath and focus on the

air going in and out of your nostrils.

3. When thoughts invade your space, just gently let them

go. Don’t push them away, but witness them floating

away.

4. Bring your attention back to your breath.

5. Notice how the breath happens without you controlling

it—your breath is happening within you; “you” are not

choosing to breathe. Know, too, that all of the auto-

matic processes of the body—oxygenation of the cells,

Chapter5E- Empower Other Women for Equity―39

blood flow, heartbeat, and so on—are happening in the

same way. As best you can, relax into this experience.

6. Open awareness now to the whole body. As sensa-

tions rise into consciousness and pass through, recog-

nize that they are all impermanent, continually trans-

forming in intensity, location, and quality. Let them be

experienced, moment by moment, and allow them to

pass through, as best you can, without attachment or

rejection.

7. Now bring awareness to thoughts. With a friendly in-

terest, observe the patterns of thinking that are running

through the mind, like clouds passing across the sky of

the mind, making up its weather.

8. Finally, open up your mindfulness to every aspect of con-

scious experience—sensations, sights, sounds, tastes,

smells, and thoughts. Let go into the space within and

around you, remaining alert and present to whatever

comes. Allow the play of experience to happen by it-

self, resting in the flow, moment by moment. When

you notice attention wandering to a particular place,

acknowledge the wandering, and open out to the

whole panorama of experience once more.

BRAVE JOURNALING: Empowering Yourself and Others

These questions will help you zero in on your gifts, your as-

pirations, and experience empowering other women.

● Who are your female role models and why? How did

these women help shape the way you view other

women?

40—Be Your Own Brave

● What’s stirring inside you? What’s missing in the

world that women could actually make a difference to-

ward?

● What are the gifts that you have to share with other

women?

● What are the gifts that you notice in other women that

you would like them to share with you?

● What makes you feel strong?

● Think of a time when you have encouraged another

woman, how did that feel? What was the outcome?

● Think of a time when you have disparaged or demoti-

vated another women from fulfilling her path, how did

that feel? What was the outcome?

● What would you say to your awkward preteen self if

you could go back in time? What would you want her

to know? What hope could you offer her?

● How would you start your own women’s empower-

ment circle?

CONCLUSION:

Your life’s work may be more than any financial obligation or

need for a job. It can be your gift to yourself, for your personal

growth and well-being, for leading a more purposeful life. By

starting with yourself, you have the opportunity to change the

world and embark on a new journey to work well and live

well.

If your desire for strategic plans is greater than your need for

well-being, I invite you to make Be Your Own B.R.A.V.E fun-

damental to your business success. If you are more spontane-

ous about your life’s work, make this your own personal

guide to taking the next best step for yourself.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living

someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma -

which is living with the results of other people’s

thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions

drown out your own inner voice. And most im-

portantly, have the courage to follow your heart

and intuition.”

If you run an organization or small business with women

leaders, here’s what you can do so that your business can

thrive:

Organizations that aspire for real change towards diversity

and inclusion need to expand the tool kit they offer women so

that it addresses their unique needs, challenges, and aspira-

tions. For most competent and conscientious women, their

42—Be Your Own Brave

goals are aligned with the well-being of the organizations

they work in.

Brave Moves coaching for women’s organizations supports

women by incorporating women’s empowerment, self-care,

mindfulness, and collaborative communication skills. Brav-

ery is a skill that can be taught through these domains in an

engaging and gender-empowering way.

Are you poised to support women at work

within the context of bravery, well-being, and

leadership?

Sources:

1. Gallup Poll Wellbeing Findings https://news.gal-

lup.com/poll/224675/gallup-top-findings-2017.aspx

2. National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, 1979

https://www.nlsinfo.org/content/cohorts/nlsy79

3. MetLife Foundation Report on Caregiving and Working Women

https://www.metlife.com/about-us/newsroom/2009/decem-

ber/metlife-foundation-funds-comprehensive-report-detailing-

the-cost

4. American Progress, 2015 https://www.americanpro-

gress.org/issues/women/reports/2014/03/07/85467/womens-

leadership/

5. Pew Research, 2019. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-

tank/2019/03/22/gender-pay-gap-facts/

6. 2018 Medscape Physician Compensation Report

7. GoRed.org https://www.goredforwomen.org

8. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-condi-

tions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20047725

9. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2019 https://www.bls.gov/news.re-

lease/wkyeng.t03.htm

10. Harvard Business Review https://hbr.org/2017/03/the-busier-

you-are-the-more-you-need-quiet-time

Testimonials

“If you want to reignite your life’s work, bravery is the way

to start. Kelley has been a strategic communications coach for

me during a crisis at work and helped me see that I was work-

ing in my sweet spot even though it was really scary. Thank

you for your focus on bravery as a pathway to success for

women!”

“Kelley’s Brave Moves coaching identifies and supports the

cornerstone of bravery -- the inner work and resulting per-

sonal growth that lets us be our most inspired and powerful

selves.”

“Find Your Own Brave fuels a personal leadership coaching

paradigm that makes women the heroes in their own stories.

Kelley has captured this zeitgeist in a way that’s inspiring as

she shares other women’s pathways to a renewed success!”

44—Be Your Own Brave

“If you’re wondering what to do next and are tired of rein-

venting yourself yet again, you have to ready Kelley’s book,

which is a call to action for women leaders. Kelley inspires

women to be the change they want to see in the world by con-

necting their head and heart – a strategy from the inside out!”

“I got a lot out of the workshop “Amplify Your Brand” with

Kelley’s facilitation. She knows how to blend mindfulness

with branding yourself and your business so you can really

believe in what motivates you.”

“I enjoyed working with Kelley to amplify my business brand

in a way that speaks to my passions and strengths; a consult-

ant & coach who helps accelerate breakthroughs of leaders,

teams and organizations. I’m inspired to dive deeper and

move my business forward in a new way!”

“I loved collaborating with Kelley on the “Amplifying Your

Brand” workshop as she connected her brave moves coaching

with the science and art of brand identity for senior consult-

ants.

“For me, becoming an entrepreneur after more than 20 years

in Corporate America didn’t seem very brave at the time.

Testimonials―45

Only after reading Kelley’s book did I realize ‘not knowing’

was my accidental Brave Move!”

I wrote this book to inspire women

leaders, change agents and entrepre-

neurs to connect with their brave,

wise self and reignite their life’s

work. We often look only for confi-

dence to move forward but when we

are embarking on a new chapter

where there are many unknowns and

uncertainties, the next move requires

bravery.

Bravery comes from a head heart connection, as well as the

wisdom to take meaningful risks. Whether you are consider-

ing a shift, pivot or leap to your next phase of your life’s work,

this guide book will reignite your efforts through your own

brave moves.

It all starts with self-leadership, listening to the brave, wise

you that overcomes the inner critic – one thought at a time.

The time is now for women of all life stages to collectively rise,

be brave, and be the change the world needs today!

Join me on this journey at KelleyConnors.com and let’s con-

nect! My email is KelleyCWell@gmail.com