Australian & New Zealand Edition Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy › download › 0000 › 5857 ›...

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Australian & New Zealand Edition

Dad’s Guide to

Pregnancy FOR

DUMmIES‰

by Stefan Korn, Scott Lancaster and Eric Mooij

Wiley Publishing Australia Pty Ltd

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Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies®, Australian and New Zealand Edition

Published by Wiley Publishing Australia Pty Ltd42 McDougall Street Milton Qld 4064 www.dummies.com

Copyright © 2012 Wiley Publishing Australia Pty Ltd

The moral rights of the authors have been asserted.

National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data

Author: Korn, Stefan.

Title: Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies / Stefan Korn.

ISBN: 978 0 73037 735 1 (pbk.)

Notes: Includes index.

Subjects: Parenting. Pregnancy. Childbirth. Fatherhood. Father and child.

Dewey Number: 649.10242

All rights reserved. No part of this book, including interior design, cover design and icons, may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Contracts & Licensing section of John Wiley & Sons Australia, Ltd, 42 McDougall Street, Milton, Qld 4064, or email [email protected].

Cover image: © jcjgphotography, 2011. Used under license from Shutterstock.com

Typeset by diacriTech, Chennai, India

Printed in China by Printplus Limited

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Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: THE PUBLISHER AND THE AUTHORS MAKE NO REPRESENTATIONS OR WARRANTIES WITH RESPECT TO THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS WORK AND SPECIFICALLY DISCLAIM ALL WARRANTIES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, WARRANTIES OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. NO WARRANTY MAY BE CREATED OR EXTENDED BY SALES OR PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS. THE ADVICE AND STRATEGIES CONTAINED HEREIN MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR EVERY SITUATION. THIS WORK IS SOLD WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE PUBLISHER IS NOT ENGAGED IN RENDERING LEGAL, ACCOUNTING, OR OTHER PROFESSIONAL SERVICES. IF PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE IS REQUIRED, THE SERVICES OF A COMPETENT PROFESSIONAL PERSON SHOULD BE SOUGHT. NEITHER THE PUBLISHER NOR THE AUTHORS SHALL BE LIABLE FOR DAMAGES ARISING HEREFROM. THE FACT THAT AN ORGANISATION OR WEBSITE IS REFERRED TO IN THIS WORK AS A CITATION AND/OR A POTENTIAL SOURCE OF FURTHER INFORMATION DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE AUTHORS OR THE PUBLISHER ENDORSES THE INFORMATION THE ORGANISATION OR WEBSITE MAY PROVIDE OR RECOMMENDATIONS IT MAY MAKE. FURTHER, READERS SHOULD BE AWARE THAT INTERNET WEBSITES LISTED IN THIS WORK MAY HAVE CHANGED OR DISAPPEARED BETWEEN WHEN THIS WORK WAS WRITTEN AND WHEN IT IS READ.

Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for the Rest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Making Everything Easier, dummies.com and related trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing Australia Pty Ltd is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.


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About the AuthorsDIYFather.com has become one of the most recognised organisations promoting active fatherhood in Australia and New Zealand. DIYFather.com was brought into this world by Wellington-based dads Stefan Korn, Scott Lancaster and Eric Mooij, who recognised the need for social innovation in the fathering space. DIYFather is a social enterprise that aims to help men become the best fathers they can be. The directors of DIYFather have been recognised for their work by winning the 2009 New Zealander of the Year award in the education category.

Stefan Korn is a New Zealand–based internet entrepreneur. He is passionate about e-commerce and the Web, and in general loves getting involved in new businesses. His wife, Raquel, gave birth to their son, Noah, in May 2007 and the experience of becoming a father, as well as the challenges of looking after Noah, prompted him to join DIYFather. Stefan has a PhD in artificial intelligence and an MBA in international business. Before becoming an entrepreneur, Stefan held senior management roles for large international corporations in the IT, Telecommunication and Hospitality sector. In addition to DIYFather, Stefan runs an investment company for online startups, WebFund. Stefan is also actively engaged in community projects and enjoys tutoring for Wellington Community Education.

Scott Lancaster is the founder of DIYFather.com. He is married to Renee, who gave birth to their daughter, Pyper, in July 2007. After discovering what little parenting information was available for fathers, Scott approached the other two directors, who helped him build DIYFather. Scott looked after Pyper full-time for the first two years of her life and experienced being a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). Scott has an applied science degree majoring in agriculture and comes from a farming background.

Eric Mooij is married to Andrea, who welcomed baby Ava into the world in April 2008. Eric is also father to Nastassja (16), Christian (15) and Amber (14). Although he isn’t living with his three older children, Eric has regular contact with them and supports them in every way possible. Eric is keen to make a stand for separated families. Coming from


a broken family himself and having relived this experience with his first three children, he works hard to be a positive role model. Outside of DIYFather, Eric works in IT and project management.

DedicationWe’d like to thank our children and families for giving us the opportunity to write about being a father and we’d like to dedicate this book to all dads.

Authors’ AcknowledgementsFirst and foremost, we would like to thank our children, Pyper, Nastassja, Christian, Amber, Ava and Noah, for giving us the opportunity to be fathers in the first place, and for putting up with us writing a book when we could have played with them! Special thanks, of course, to our partners, Renee, Andrea and Raquel, for their continuing support and encouragement, and special thanks to Raquel for proofreading the manuscript. Thanks also to our families and friends who helped out with baby-sitting duties at crucial times.

Huge thanks to the team at Plunket who provided a lot of the research material this book is based on and helped us ensure the content of the book is safe and sound. Special thanks to Erin Beatson and Claire Rumble who have been a fantastic source of wisdom and inspiration.

A very special thank you also to Kimberley Rothwell who has been the most wonderful support we could have wished for in getting this book together.

We’d like to thank our publisher, Wiley Publishing Australia, and especially Rebecca Crisp for taking on this project, and Catherine Spedding for doing such a great job at editing our manuscript!


And last but not least, we would like to give thanks to the worldwide community of dads who have contributed content and encouragement over the years. Too many of you are out there to list everyone individually, but if you’ve checked out our site, have participated in our classes or have been in touch with us — thanks heaps from Stefan, Scott and Eric!


Publisher’s AcknowledgementsWe’re proud of this book; please send us your comments through our online registration form located at http://dummies.custhelp.com.

Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following:

Acquisitions, Editorial and Media Development

Project Editor: Catherine Spedding

Acquisitions Editor: Rebecca Crisp

Editorial Manager: Clare Weber

Production

Graphics: Glenn Lumsden (pages 114, 120 and 122), various artists and the Wiley Art Studio

Cartoons: Glenn Lumsden

Proofreader: Charlotte Duff

Indexer: Don Jordan, Antipodes Indexing


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Contents at a GlanceIntroduction............................................................. 1

Part.I:.From.Here.to.Paternity:.Getting.Pregnant........ 7Chapter 1: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know . . . ...........................9Chapter 2: How to Make a Baby .............................................................25

Part.II:.What.to.Expect.When.She’s.Expecting.......... 37Chapter 3: The First Trimester ...............................................................39Chapter 4: The Second Trimester ..........................................................57Chapter 5: The Third Trimester .............................................................69

Part.III:.The.Big.Moment.is.Here:.Birth.................... 79Chapter 6: Final Preparations .................................................................81Chapter 7: Lights, Camera, Action: Giving Birth ..................................95

Part.IV:.Life.After.Birth........................................ 105Chapter 8: The First Few Days and Weeks ..........................................107Chapter 9: What Happens When ..........................................................129Chapter 10: Finding Support .................................................................141

Part.V:.The.Part.of.Tens........................................ 149Chapter 11: Ten Ways to Improve Your Partner’s

Pregnancy ............................................................................................151Chapter 12: Ten Gadgets to Enhance Your Fatherhood Journey .....157

Glossary.............................................................. 163

Index................................................................... 171


Table of ContentsIntroduction ...................................................... 1

About This Book .........................................................................2Foolish Assumptions ..................................................................3How This Book Is Organised .....................................................3

Part I: From Here to Paternity: Getting Pregnant.........4Part II: What to Expect When She’s Expecting .............4Part III: The Big Moment is Here: Birth .........................4Part IV: Life After Birth ....................................................5Part V: The Part of Tens ..................................................5Glossary .............................................................................5

What You Don’t Have to Read ..................................................5Icons Used in This Book ............................................................6Where to Go from Here ..............................................................6

Part I: From Here to Paternity: Getting Pregnant ............................................... 7

Chapter 1: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know . . . . . . . . . 9Dispelling Common Myths about Fatherhood ......................10

The pros and cons of fatherhood ................................12Knowing what to expect ................................................13Trading in your lifestyle (but not the sports car) .....14

Only Fools Rush In ...................................................................16Introducing the New-Generation Dad ....................................18

Dadhood: A good time to man up ................................18Joining the movement ...................................................18Exploring care routine strategies .................................19

The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Dads ........................20

Chapter 2: How to Make a Baby . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25Here Comes the Fun Part ........................................................26

Conceiving naturally ......................................................26Improving the odds — conception tips and tricks ...28Conception’s not happening .........................................29

Understanding What Can Go Wrong ......................................29Working out why conception hasn’t happened .........30Exploring other ways to get pregnant .........................30


Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies x

OMG, You’re Going to Be a Dad ..............................................33Getting confirmation ......................................................33Knowing what to do next ..............................................34Things to do before morning sickness starts ............35

Part II: What to Expect When She’s Expecting ....37

Chapter 3: The First Trimester . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39Eating For Two — Or, How to Gain 15 kg in 40 Weeks ........40Understanding the Medical Stuff ............................................41Dealing with Common Side Effects in the

First Trimester.......................................................................42Morning sickness ............................................................42Exhaustion .......................................................................43‘Dog nose’ ........................................................................43Tender breasts ................................................................43Moodiness .......................................................................43

What’s Your Baby Up To? ........................................................44Preparations: Getting the Right Gear .....................................46

Clothes and shoes ..........................................................47Strollers, prams and buggies ........................................51Car seats ..........................................................................52Toys ..................................................................................54Other accessories ...........................................................55

Chapter 4: The Second Trimester . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57Enjoying the Golden Trimester ...............................................57Understanding More Medical Stuff .........................................58

Choosing a carer.............................................................59Birth options ...................................................................60

Dealing with Common Side Effects in the Second Trimester ................................................................ 62

What’s Your Baby Up To Now? ...............................................63Making Room for the Baby ......................................................64

The nursery .....................................................................64Decorations .....................................................................66Animals in the house .....................................................67

Chapter 5: The Third Trimester . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69What Happens During the Third Trimester — Are We

There Yet? ..............................................................................69The Birth Plan ...........................................................................70


Table of Contents xi

Understanding Even More Medical Stuff ...............................71Dealing with Common Side Effects in the

Third Trimester ................................................................... 72Finding the Right Consumables ..............................................73

Nappies ............................................................................73Crème de la crèmes .......................................................75Shopping for your baby’s health and first aid ...........75

Part III: The Big Moment is Here: Birth .............79

Chapter 6: Final Preparations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81Stuff You Tend to Forget ..........................................................82

Upskilling .........................................................................82Transport .........................................................................82Birthing equipment ........................................................83The hospital bag(s) ........................................................84The baby shower ............................................................86Checklists ........................................................................86

Discovering What You Need to Know about Labour ...........87Understanding Your Role in Labour ......................................89Getting Ready — Last-Minute Preparations .........................91When You Think You’re in Labour .........................................92When You’re Really in Labour ................................................93

Chapter 7: Lights, Camera, Action: Giving Birth . . . . . . . . . . 95Helping Your Partner through Childbirth .............................96Keeping Sane .............................................................................97Giving Nature a Helping Hand ................................................98

Ventouse ..........................................................................98Forceps ............................................................................99Emergency caesarean ....................................................99

The Big Moment’s Arrived ....................................................100Cutting the cord ............................................................100When time stops — meeting your baby ...................100Keeping your cool ........................................................101

Welcoming Your Baby to the Real World ............................101What happens immediately after birth .....................101The first few hours .......................................................102The first few days .........................................................103


Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies xii

Part IV: Life After Birth .................................105

Chapter 8: The First Few Days and Weeks . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107Dealing With the Aftershock .................................................108

It’s life but not as you know it ....................................108At home with your newborn baby .............................110You’ve got the blues ....................................................111

Looking After a Newborn .......................................................112Getting your hands dirty .............................................113Feeding ...........................................................................117Sleeping — you and the baby .....................................120Crying — you, your partner and the baby ...............122Daddy time ....................................................................123

Juggling Your Other Priorities ..............................................124Making time for yourself .............................................124Looking after your partner .........................................125We are family .................................................................126Managing the work–life balance .................................127Sex ..................................................................................127

Chapter 9: What Happens When . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 129Avoiding Health Problems .....................................................129

A healthy start to life ...................................................129Protecting against diseases ........................................131Providing a violence-free home ..................................132Keeping accidents at bay ............................................132Reducing the risk of SUDI and SIDS ...........................134

Coping with Illness and Injury ..............................................135Spotting injury ..............................................................135Diagnosing a serious illness ........................................137

Help, My Child is Disabled! ...................................................138Adjusting your expectations .......................................138Finding help, assistance and resources ....................140

Chapter 10: Finding Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141Help, I’m a Dad! .......................................................................141

Asking for directions ....................................................141Finding trusted organisations and sources

of information ...........................................................142Internet research ..........................................................142Turning to friends, colleagues and family ................143Starting a dad group ....................................................144

Male and Female Postnatal Depression ...............................145Do you feel like screaming? ........................................147Support organisations .................................................147


Table of Contents xiii

Part V: The Part of Tens .................................149

Chapter 11: Ten Ways to Improve Your Partner’s Pregnancy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 151

Take Care of Your Lady ..........................................................151Get On the Wagon ...................................................................152Give Your Partner Some ‘Me’ Time Every

Now and Then ................................................................... 152Be There for the Medical Stuff ..............................................153Get With the Program ............................................................153Go on a Babymoon .................................................................153Be Excited about Becoming a Dad .......................................154Celebrate! .................................................................................154Record That Beautiful Belly ..................................................155Keep Telling Her How Beautiful She Is ................................155

Chapter 12: Ten Gadgets to Enhance Your Fatherhood Journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157

iPhone, Smartphone and iPad Apps ....................................157Digital Cameras .......................................................................158Video Baby Monitors .............................................................158Baby Carriers ..........................................................................159Bathing Equipment .................................................................159Picture Frames ........................................................................160Noise Cancelling Headphones ..............................................160Websites ...................................................................................160Sterilisers .................................................................................161Night Displays and Mobiles ..................................................161

Glossary ........................................................163

Index .............................................................171


Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies xiv


Introduction

The expression ‘useless as tits on a bull’ comes to mind when describing what many fathers felt about their involvement

during labour and when caring for newborns. Fathers historically have taken a bit of a passive role during pregnancy and in looking after babies. Fortunately, things are changing. Lots of guys now want a piece of the baby action and are rolling up their sleeves to muck in with everything that needs doing — from cutting the cord to nappy changes, and baby baths to tummy time.

The number of ‘stay-at-home dads’ (SAHDs) is constantly rising in almost all developed countries — a sure sign that the parenting world is changing and that staying home looking after the kids is no longer a reason to hand in your man card. In fact, SAHDs are leading the way for all other dads to show the world how brilliant dads can be at looking after babies and children.

Countless studies have been done by fatherhood institutes around the world to provide scientific evidence about the difference a dad makes in the lives of his children. Unfortunately, many problems our children experience these days are linked to absent or uninvolved fathers. So it’s fantastic to experience the ‘coming out’ of active dads and the rise of a new generation of fully involved dads in the 21st century. There’s never been a better time to become a dad!

With Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies we’d like to do our bit to help every new dad or dad-to-be start his journey to active fatherhood. Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies, Australian and New Zealand Edition, is based on the very successful Being a Great Dad for Dummies (Wiley Publishing Australia Pty Ltd) and focuses specifically on pregnancy from a male perspective. The great news is being an active dad isn’t difficult. Dads can do everything mums do except giving birth and breastfeeding. So if you’re worried about becoming a dad, relax, read on and know that everyday blokes make fantastic dads. Above all, enjoy the wild ride to fatherhood — being a dad is the best time of your life!

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Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies 2

About This BookWe’re pleased to be able to serve as your guide to dadhood. Over the past four years, DIYFather has become one of the most recognised organisations promoting active fatherhood in Australia and New Zealand. In Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies, we share what we’ve learnt from our partner organisations, from our course participants and from dads all over the world who’ve sent us suggestions and tips based on their fatherhood experiences. This means you can find all you need to know in one place (this book) and don’t need to waste time reading lots of leaflets or browse through hundreds of websites to get reliable and practical information from a male perspective. We pack the pages with plenty of useful information so you can become the best father you can be.

So, why this book? The reasons include the following:

5 A lot has changed over the last three decades and compared to the previous generation’s approach to having children. Modern dads want to be involved and they want to find out for themselves what they need to know to look after a newborn baby.

5 Your kids, your family and our world need strong dads. Fathers have been somewhat absent from childcare and upbringing due to work, family situation or a limited understanding of the role of a father. It’s about time we changed that.

5 You may find even approaching the topic of pregnancy and babies hard.

5 You may be missing out on the best moments of your life if you feel you don’t know what to do with (newborn) babies.

5 You have everything you need to be a fantastic dad, you just don’t know it yet, or perhaps lack a bit of confidence to demonstrate your dad skills.

5 Your baby and partner are likely to really appreciate all the cool things you know and are able to do when you’ve read this book.


Introduction 3

5 By being an active dad right from the beginning, you make the most significant contribution to your child’s life you could ever make — it beats any expensive present, college fund or inheritance fund your child may receive.

Foolish AssumptionsWe assume that you’re reading this book because you’ve just been told that you’re going to be a dad soon or you’ve decided it’s about time you became one. You may also have been told by your partner to ‘skill up’ and read about pregnancy and parenting so she doesn’t have to do all the work around the baby. Good — because you don’t want that anyway. Twenty-first century dads can do everything that mums do except giving birth and breastfeeding.

We assume you’re somewhat puzzled by the prospects of becoming a dad and would like an easy and comprehensive guide. This book is for you if you’re

5 Freaked out about becoming a dad

5 Concerned about your lack of knowledge and experience around all things babies

5 Three months into your partner’s pregnancy and feel like it’s all getting a bit too complicated

5 Looking for an alternative to being told everything you need to know about babies by your partner

5 On your way to the delivery suite and have missed all the ante-natal classes

We assume you haven’t had much exposure to or experience with pregnant women and newborn babies up to now.

How This Book Is OrganisedThis book is divided into five parts with numerous chapters.


Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies 4

Part I: From Here to Paternity: Getting PregnantPart I of our book covers all aspects of the start of your fatherhood journey. Before we dive into the nitty gritty of pregnancy, we provide an overview of modern dadhood by dispelling some common myths around fatherhood and by looking at how highly successful dads do things. We then get stuck into the subject and naturally talk about making babies. We cover tips on how to improve your chances of conceiving and what to do if conception doesn’t happen. Last but not least, we share some suggestions on what to do before the side-effects of pregnancy kick in.

Part II: What to Expect When She’s ExpectingThink of this part as a man’s bible to pregnancy. We share some secrets on keeping your pregnant partner happy and healthy throughout the 40-odd weeks of pregnancy. We also give you the no-bull guide to getting the house, the nursery and your life ready for the imminent arrival of your little addition to the family. Finally, we help you get ready for the big moment when your baby arrives in this world.

Part III: The Big Moment is Here: BirthThis part covers the ultimate dad, mum and baby moment — birth. We start off with some final preparations for birth and things we all tend to forget before we arrive at the delivery suite. After that, we get straight onto labour and a dad’s role in it. We tell you everything you need to know about medical procedures, drugs (no, not the recreational type) and what happens in the first few moments after birth.


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