Dating With ConfidenceTM

ATTRACT & KEEP QUALITY MEN

IN 5 SIMPLE STEPS 5-Day Training Action Guide

Learn How to Date with Confidence &

Become a Quality Man Magnet

ATTRACT & KEEP QUALITY MEN IN 5 SIMPLE STEPS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

DAY 1 - DISCOVER WHAT’S KEEPING YOU SINGLE ............................................................ 1 DAY 2 - DETACH FROM SABOTAGING DATING PATTERNS ............................................ 4 DAY 3 - DECLARE YOUR VISION OF YOUR DESIRED LOVE LIFE ................................. 8 DAY 4 - DETECT & DITCH YOUR DATING RUT .................................................................... 13 DAY 5 – DATE DYNAMICALLY ........................................................................................................ 19

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DAY 1 - DISCOVER WHAT’S KEEPING YOU SINGLE

Before we dive right into today’s content -­ I want to give you a quick outline of what you will be doing throughout this training. Each day has a written training and assignment that is accompanied by a video training for more clarity and where I answer dating questions. This is designed to help move you closer to becoming more savvy and becoming more irresistible in the dating field. By the end of this training, you’ll know what you need to do next to date with confidence and become a quality-­man magnet to finally find love TRAINING:

So today we’re going to discover what’s keeping you single and affecting your relationship status. It's SUPER SIMPLE, and it’s VITAL to your success in creating your love life. Most women who are having a hard time finding love with a quality man think the problem is with men, online apps, dating, circumstances, and/or a lack of luck. Well though it might seem that way, that’s not REALLY what’s keeping you single and away from being recognized by quality men. So let’s dive in deeper:

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Most women don’t dig deep to see what are *they* doing to sabotage their love life. They tend to blame the outer issues and stay in their comfort zone instead of taking responsibility for the HUGE role they play in creating their love life. They are not examining what *they* are saying and believing, and as a result of their beliefs or perspectives around dating, they don’t realize how *they* are coming across to quality men.

So, your assignment for today is very simple and INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT for the next phase of this training.

We’re going to play a game. Here’s how it goes: I want you to put your detective hat on and discover what’s keeping you single by doing the following assignments, which will take ~5-­10 min max. And your love life is worth that effort, right? Right! :-­)

ASSIGNMENT:

I want you to write down any negative things you’re telling yourself about men, dating, relationships and love.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

(Use extra paper if you need to write more.)

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Example:

1. Men are cheaters 2. I am not pretty enough 3. I am not young enough 4. I have kids 5. There are not good men in my town 6. I am not enough & need a man to complete me/my life 7. My happiness will only come with being in a relationship (Meaning I can’t do it on my own

8. I don’t have the power), etc. Now you might be curious about how this is going to help you date with confidence and attract quality men. Make sure you watch the Day 1 Video Training, where we're going to cover how your current dating perspective is keeping you single.

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DAY 2 - DETACH FROM SABOTAGING DATING PATTERNS

First of all, let’s take a deep breath together! In...out...That’s it… TRAINING: So now that you’ve learned how important it is to own the role you play in creating your love life, and you’ve discovered the negative things you say deep down to yourself about men, dating, love, and relationships, we are going to learn how to disempower those thoughts and then zap them once and for all! I cannot emphasize how VERY IMPORTANT this step is. Let’s put it this way: just knowing that you have these patterns by itself is not enough to change your love life around and attract the love of your life. That’s just psychological entertainment. You gotta actively and willingly do something about them and change them so you can also change the direction of your love life from continuously attracting the wrong men to attracting Mr. Right! This is SUPER SIMPLE if you promise to be playful and work through any feelings of resistance that might come up. And the good news is, you are not alone -­ you have me and a group of supportive, savvy, smart single women in the Facebook training’s private group to help.

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So let’s dive in deeper: Your negative beliefs make you feel negative inside and that feeling will make you take action that sabotages your love life. It’s kinda mind-­blowing, I know! But SO MANY women totally go about their dating not knowing this is what they’re doing. Let me explain: let’s say you believe that “all men are cheaters.” That can make you feel closed off, scared to let your guard down, defensive and protective (rightfully so, cause that’s what you believe and that is your experience up until now). That belief will make you put up walls with this next guy you’re going out on a date with and he is going to be so confused as to what your deal is. He will experience you as someone who is not available or interested, or just not interesting. All of which you are not! Now you might say, “Oh no Raeeka! I totally know how to hide it,” or “I totally don’t show that to them,” and if you think that’s true, think twice my friend. Because there is NO WAY you can fake your way out of your beliefs. If there was, trust me -­ there wouldn’t be a problem finding love.

Now let’s play again, but promise me you’ll be open and willing to try something new. OK? :) XO

Here’s how it goes: I want you to take a deep breath and do the following assignments, which will take ~5-­10 minutes max. And as before, your love life is worth you being open to possibilities and the effort, right? Right! :-­)

ASSIGNMENT:

I want you to look at the list of you made in Day 1 about the negative things you tell yourself about men, dating, relationships and love, and then zap them by answering the following questions (if you feel like you have resistance, just tell yourself “I am just playing along I don’t have to let go of my beliefs if I don’t want to”):

1-­ How true is this belief/perspective I have?

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2-­ Where did I get this idea?

3-­ How is this belief/perspective affecting my love life?

4-­ If I had a completely opposite belief/perspective what would that be?

5-­ How can I put this new perspective into action immediately?

Example:

The negative thing I say about dating is that there are no good men in my town.

1. I don’t know how true it is. But it seems true to me. I haven’t done the research. 2. I got this idea from the fact that I have been cheated on back to back for 12 years with 11 guys.

3. It makes me afraid of dating other men and I feel like I really need to protect myself and my walls are up. So therefore, men are not really experiencing my authentic, amazing personality.

4. If I had a completely different perspective I’d say, I haven’t met ALL the single men in my town, and therefore just because I haven’t met them, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. There is a possibility of plenty of qualified men out there for me.

5. I will actively look to see if a guy is a quality, relationship-­ready man before assuming that he's not a good guy based on my past experiences.

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Now I know changing our sabotaging patterns takes time and you will need extra support to do that, so make sure you watch Day 2 Video Training, where I’ll give you more support and detailed training around how to recognize and zap those negative patterns. Try to be there for the live video if you can, so you can ask questions!

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DAY 3 - DECLARE YOUR VISION OF YOUR DESIRED LOVE LIFE

So far, we’ve learned some of the patterns that are keeping you single and how to detach from them, but you might be wondering: how do I use what I’ve learned to go about dating effectively and attracting quality men? How is this going to help me find love with a real person? Valid question. In order to become visible to quality men and to attract them, we need to be super clear about what message we are putting out there in the world. Today’s training is one of my favorites, because the sky’s your limit! I’m going to show you how to get clear on what you want your love life to look and feel like so you are sending a VERY clear message to the single men out there, attracting the relationship-­ready men and not wasting your time with men that aren’t a match. Now if you’re thinking, well, I do know what I want, but it doesn’t work -­ don’t stress. That’s exactly why you took this training, right? :) You’re here to figure out what’s not working and to learn how to use the tools that have helped hundreds of other women find love. I’m going to help you declare your vision of your love life with clarity so the right men for you can clearly hear your intention. Ok, let’s start again with a deep breath together!

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In...out...That’s it… TRAINING:

So, by now you know some of the dating patterns you have that are sabotaging your chances of attracting the right men for you;; how they affect your attraction factor for quality men (the ones that can be the right match for you);; how to reverse those sabotaging patterns;; and how important it is for you to know how to do all of this so you can find love with the right man for you. Now this next step is just as important and vital as the first two, because your vision of your love life is what affects your approach to choosing which man to keep and which one to let go of. And if your vision is based on what doesn’t make for a relationship but a fantasy, well, you know the rest. You will still be struggling to find the right man and you’ll be back to square 1. In my years of coaching women to help them find love, time and again I see women drawing a vision for their love life that sets them up for failure and not success. So let’s not let that happen to you! This is SUPER SIMPLE and FUN, because you get to really envision what you want to experience in your love life. Let’s dive in deeper: When creating the vision of your love life, I want you to focus on what it is that you want to experience and feel. This will help you figure out very quickly if that man you’re dating is your ideal match or not.

So, here’s your assignment, which will take ~5-­10 minutes max. And as before, your love life is worth you investing this time, creating your vision and posting it on Facebook for accountability, right? Right! ;;-­)

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ASSIGNMENT:

For this assignment, answer the questions below to compose your vision of your love life:

1-­ Ask yourself and write down: what are some of the qualities you want your ideal man to have?

2-­ Ask yourself and write down: which of these qualities would help you maintain a long-­term relationship, and which ones can you get from other sources (like your sister, friends, family)? Write down the ones that would help you maintain a long-­term relationship.

3-­ Pick no more than 3-­5 of your answers from #2 above that are absolute musts for you. Non-­negotiables, so to speak.

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4-­ Then ask yourself: why are these qualities important to you in terms of how they make you feel?

5-­ Then write the vision as if you are living it in the present.

Example:

1. Has money and a stable job, Can communicate, Dances, Honest, Christian, Loyal, Listens to the same music / watches the same movies as me, Wants kids, Intellectual, Sense of humor, Wants to get married, Patient, Understanding, Likes shopping, Supportive, Enjoys opera

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2. Honest, Money and a stable job, Communication, Honesty, Christian, Loyalty, Wants to have a family, Is worldly (rather than intellectual or has a masters or Phd), Wants to get married, Patient, Supportive

3. Responsible (he can maintain a job and manage money, and is responsible about our relationship and kids, honesty and loyalty fall under this category), Communicates to build a relationship (not run away when something isn’t working), Christian (He has family values and wants kids), Worldly (reads or is educated), Wants a family

4. Responsible -­ Makes me feel safe, loved, and prioritized. Makes me feel like I have partnership and I am not alone Communication -­ Makes me feel like I can open up, be heard, solve problems. There is flow in the relationship Christian -­ Make me feel like we understand each other’s faith language, we share the same values Worldly -­ Makes me feel like I can learn from him and he can learn from me and we can grow together Wants a family -­ Makes me feel the joy of having a close community

And here is the vision

5. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is responsible with money, family, me, our kids and our relationship, which makes me feel loved, cared for, and safe. He and I use non-­combative communication skills to strengthen our relationship and move past our differences which make me feel like we always will have a solution, and that we are a team and I feel safe. He is Christian, which makes me feel that we share the same life values as well as a good number of social activities. He wants kids and values family, which makes me feel joy because having kids with a responsible man is so important to me. He is well-­read and worldly, and I am constantly learning from him which makes me feel like we are always growing together.

Now you might be struggling to find your authentic vision of your love life. You might have questions around what is effective and what’s not, and you might get a bit stuck with the “Is this OK to say or want for my love life’s vision?” question. Make sure you watch Day 3 Video Training where I’ll give you more support and detailed training around how to go about the specifics. You’ll also get to hear me answer some of the ladies’ questions in the live training and they might be exactly the question you have. :)

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DAY 4 - DETECT & DITCH YOUR DATING RUT

Now that you’ve created a tangible and measurable vision of your love life, it’s time to go out there and meet men. And in doing so you will go on a number of dates until you finally find the man that is your match. So this is the next new level. But with every new level comes what I call a new devil, which is basically a new challenge. So, you start going on dates and then all of a sudden you get a text or a phone call that throws you off, or he shows up late to your dates, or says something that triggers you. This can throw you in what I call a dating rut cycle, where the limiting beliefs and self-­doubts rise to the surface and all of a sudden all of those beliefs and patterns that you discovered in Day 1 come back to haunt you. So today, you will learn how to nip this situation in the bud and not let that cycle affect the way you communicate or come across to the man, should he be the right match for you. Let’s dive in!

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TRAINING:

You ready to take our deep breath together? In...out...That’s it… Let’s begin with this Dating with Confidence principle:

Every moment gives you the opportunity to choose who you want to be and what you want to experience.

There is no such thing as “getting it right.” We are all living in a upward cycle, meaning we grow as we move through each level of our lives. We are never done, because the only time we’re done is when we are dead! Finding love is about making choices. Creating success is about making choices, and being happy, healthy, and authentic is about making choices. And that’s why embracing your power to make choices is one of the MOST IMPORTANT tools to fall back on when you’re triggered. Here’s an image to help you understanding this process better:

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So here is how the cycle of Dating Rut happens → Something triggers you. Then: 1. At point 1, your negative thoughts start to come out 2. At point 2, they make you feel down and negative 3. Which then at point 3, means you take action that affects your dating negatively 4. Which then at point 4, means they trigger you to feel more negative 5. And at point 5, as a result of the negative emotions, you start thinking more negative thoughts

6. And so the cycle continues and you keep going round and round again in your head.

Now, to break free from the cycle of dating rut, you want to identify your dating rut by giving the trigger a name, identifying where are your choice points, and by making new choices. Your choice points are the hearts you see in the image that happen between each point. So, you can make a different choice between when the trigger happens and your negative thought at Point 1. Or between Point 1 and Point 2, the emotion you feel. This is important, because next time you get triggered in your dating or love life, you have a plan to stop yourself from getting lost. :)

This will take ~5-­10 minutes max. And as before, your love life is worth you investing this time, identifying your cycle of dating rut, knowing your rut exit plan and posting it on the Facebook post, right? Right! ;;-­)

ASSIGNMENT:

Follow the diagram above and answer the questions below to detect your cycle of dating rut and ditch it by having a plan in place through making new choices:

1-­ What is a typical trigger in your dating life?

2-­ Give it a name.

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3-­ What negative things do you tell yourself or think at POINT 1?

4-­ What does that make you feel at POINT 2? What emotions come up?

5-­ What do these negative feelings make you do?

6-­ What do you feel because of that action?

7-­ What do these feelings make you think?

8-­ Look at the choice points and ask yourself:

a. How true is this belief/perspective I have?

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b. Where did I get this idea?

c. How is this belief/perspective affecting my love life?

d. If I had a completely opposite belief/perspective what would that be?

e. How can I put this new perspective into action immediately?

Example:

1. He hasn’t called me for a few days 2. Phone Call Rut 3. I think: He is not interested in me. There we go, another ghoster. I will never find love.

4. I feel: Disappointed. Sad. Hopeless. Self-­doubt. 5. I do: Binge eat. Close my dating app. Numb myself by burying myself in work. Compulsive shopping.

6. I feel: Overweight. Tired. Isolated. Lonely. Depressed. Guilty. 7. I think: Love will never happen for me. I am not loveable. Men don’t see me. What is wrong with me.

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8. I am looking at choice point between trigger and Point 1. a. Saying he’s not interested in me is guessing, I don’t know it so I can’t say it’s true. He didn’t say that. Saying I won’t find love is not true, it’s my reaction to fear. I don’t know why he didn’t call me. I can’t make up any stories. I won’t interpret.

b. I think these negative thoughts, because that’s my way of making sense out of the situation. It’s a pattern that makes me feel logical.

c. This belief makes me wanna throw out my dream of finding love and that is NOT what I want. It also makes me think negative things about something I didn’t do and isn’t my problem.

d. If I had a completely different idea, I would say, I don’t know why he didn’t call, but I will either find out or I will move on. Better to know now if he is not a match than later.

e. I’ll put this new thought into action by giving him a few more days to call (depending on how long it’s been), and if I don’t hear back, I’ll go back to dating and I’ll meet other men. I want to find love and the man that is my match is out there looking for me.

Now I know this step is a bit more involved and you might need more clarity. And that’s exactly why I’ve included the live trainings in this program. Make sure you watch Day 4 Video Training, where I’ll give you more support and detailed training on how to go about the specifics. Try to be there for the live video if you can so you can ask questions!

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DAY 5 – DATE DYNAMICALLY

First of all, let’s pause for a moment and praise you, because you are awesome!!! How does it feel to know YOU MADE IT? :) We have done some deep work in the past 4 days and I know it takes MAJOR courage to dig deep and look at our patterns, accept that our dating approaches are not working, take responsibility for the roles we are playing, and to step out of our comfort zones and do something different to create different results...THE RESULTS YOU DESIRE!!! This is not the end of your love life creation journey, but it SURE is a very solid start. I'm so inspired by you! You’re doing exactly what a smart, successful, savvy, and soul-­centered woman would do -­ you’re taking action. Brava! So, to date dynamically, you gotta know how to communicate effectively. What keeps a relationship going is communication, communication, communication and not just any type of communication: Non-­Defiant Communication. I can’t emphasize this enough! Today you’ll learn how to do that, but first let me explain how this is directly related to you dating dynamically or dating unsuccessfully...

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Here is the deal: the only way to know if a guy is right for you is to communicate with him and go on dates. Through effective non-­defiant communication, you will learn more about him and then you can make a decision about whether you’re a match or not. The reality is that even in the best of relationships, there are times when things get sticky and need to be communicated. It’s SUPER important that you stay in your grounded energy rather than becoming defiant out of fear, which leads to communicating poorly. How you communicate can make or break your relationship with the right man. So, the three pillars of communicating effectively in a non-­defiant way are to: 1. Have Clarity Know clearly what it is that you want from him or the situation. Know what needs you want to get met. Don’t play games. It’s not his job to read your mind, but to collaborate with you to support your needs.

2. Be Compassionate Come from a place of understanding, compassion and love. Be the person you want to date. Model the kind of conversation you’d like to see him or anyone else have with you.

3. Create Collaboration Invite him to be part of the decision making. After stating your need, end your conversation with something like, “What can we do about this?” or “How does that feel for you?” This way you are not ordering him;; instead you are inviting him to make a decision with you, which is always empowering.

So, here’s your assignment, which will take ~5-­10 minutes max. And as before, your love life is worth you investing this time to learn how to communicate effectively and posting it on the Facebook post, right? Right! ;;-­)

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ASSIGNMENT: Think about a situation where you wanted to express yourself and ask for your needs to be met. Then go through the steps below to create your non-­defiant communication phrase.

1-­ Ask yourself: what it is that you really want?

2-­ What can you do to make sure you are in a state of calm and groundedness? (Don’t forget, you have tools now!)

3-­ Write your statement coming from a place of compassion.

Example:

1. I really don’t want to have sex before we are in a committed relationship 2. I will take a breath, and calm myself by rubbing my thumb on my hand and know that I am OK and it is worth it to me to wait.

3. Jim I want to tell you something that matters a lot to me. I’m really enjoying getting to know you and I’m always looking forward to hanging out with you and I enjoy our dates a lot. For me to have sex and be intimate with someone on that level, it’s important to me to be in a committed relationship. How does that feel for you? Where are you with that?

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Now I know this step is a bit more involved and you might need more clarity. Make sure you watch the Day 4 video Training where I’ll give you more support and detailed training on how to go about the specifics. Try to be there for the live video if you can so you can ask questions! Well done! You are officially done with this training. If you feel like you enjoyed this, and want to go to the next step and find out about my “Create Your Love Life Now” 4-­month course, shoot me an email to raeeka@datingwithconfidencecoaching.com and I am happy to give you all the details. To your love life,