Soul Care

It was just before the Passover feast …. The evening meal was being served.

“Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:13:1a,2a,27

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May Soul Care Tending you; body stewardship; silence & retreat

“Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” Song of Songs 2:13b

How do I tend my soul? What are spiritual disciplines?

Scripture-based exploration Blue Book: The Soil of Your Soul; Hunger and Thirst; The Word Made Flesh; Made in His ImageParable of the Sower (What are your weeds/thorns?)Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) (Which sister do you tend to identify with? How does this account inform your lifestyle and your relationship with God? What might need to shift in your life in order to make room for the ‘best part’?)

Non-Scripture readingsMade to Crave, Lysa TerKeurst Emotionally Healthy Woman, chapter on Overfunctioning, Geri ScazzeroMargin, Richard A Swenson, MDBoundaries, Cloud and TownsendTyranny of the Urgent article Sacred Rhythms: Arranging Our Lives for Spiritual Transformation, Ruth Haley Barton

Onlinehttps://ruleoflife.com to create a “rule of life”

Artwork for the creatives• Create/finish a visual Rule of Life (see Suzanne’s as an example, as well as those on ruleoflife.com)• Draw the outline of you on a piece of paper or get a template online. What fills your life? Use words and

pictures. • Look at Summers’ quotes. Find a favorite quote on soul care and be creative. Canvas? Paper? Fun fonts?

Movies“Of Gods and Men”How did these beloved men care for their souls? What was it about their community that made them so strong together? Who is your community like that?

Questions to ponder• What is your schedule (and your soul) full of? • What are your “first things”? Is there room in your life for the most important things?• How would you describe your schedule? Your pace? Your soul? What do you hope for your life to become?

What is your hope for this month?• Have you ever created a “rule of life”? A rule of life brings together the concepts behind spiritual formation

(developing Christ’s character within us) and the spiritual disciplines (practices).

• When have you felt best at a soul level? What was happening in your life and soul that contributed to that? Ponder that. For example, if you were on vacation, and you noticed your soul felt at peace, ask why? Was it the slower pace? That all the cooking was done for you? That you slept 8 hours? That you made time for some sunshine or physical activity? That you read a book? That there were fewer distractions? That you had very few responsibilities? Take note, then talk to God about that.

• What comes to mind when you hear the word solitude? Does the idea of being completely alone make you uncomfortable, or do you welcome the opportunity?

• What is the typical rhythm of your day? Your week? Your month? How do you relax? Do you find it difficult (guilt-producing, wasteful) to relax? Or do you find it renewing and life-giving? Is solitude or silence a part of the rhythm of your life?

• Reflect on this quotation from Frederick Buechner: “The quiet there, the rest, is beyond the reach of the world to disturb. It is how being saved sounds.”

• Consider these quotes:

“My life is a listening, His is a speaking.” ~ Thomas Merton

“We must begin to hear, however faintly at first, the rhythm and movement of the One who set it all in motion when the world began.” (See You at the House, Bob Benson)

“Most of us are more tired than we know at the soul level. We are teetering on the brink of dangerous exhaustion, and we really cannot do anything else until we have gotten some rest. The other disciplines … are a wonderful smorgasbord of spiritual sustenance, but we really can’t engage any of them until solitude becomes a place of rest for us rather than another place for human striving and hard work.” Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

Music and worshipAmazing Grace (of course!)I’m not in a Hurry, Lay It All Down, You Carried Me, United PursuitVapor, The LiturgistsNot With Haste, Mumford & SonsIn Awe, HollynBe Still My Soul (old hymn or Kari Jobe’s recent one)

Week One: The Big Gathering: Suz: A Visual Rule of Life

Week Two: Summers: Making Space for Silence and Solitude (Summers) When you are faithful in silence, you will slowly experience yourself in a deeper way. Because in this useless hour in which you do nothing “important” or urgent you have to come to terms with your basic powerlessness, you have to feel your fundamental inability to solve your or other people’s problems or to change the world. When you do not avoid that experience but live through it, you will find out that your many projects, plans, and obligations become less urgent, crucial, and important and lose their power over you.-Abbot John Eudes Bamberger to Henri Nouwen

Most of us operate from an untruth: that we are solely responsible for the success of our spiritual growth. Let’s instead start from a truthful place: God works in his own perfect timing. He cannot be rushed, nor can he be forced. Think of a bulb planted in the earth. We cannot control whether the flower grows or not. But we can create an environment that will be conducive to its growth. Likewise, we can tend to the soil of our hearts and souls to create an environment -- by sitting, stopping, and waiting -- in which God can show up, in his way and in his time. We can make ourselves -- our souls and hearts -- available so he can draw near to us and speak to

us and renew our soul on an ongoing basis. One of the best ways to make ourselves available is through silence and solitude.

Silence and solitude is where we stop, we close our mouths, and we wait. Seems simple, right? But if you give it a try, you’ll find it’s quite difficult, especially at first.

A spiritual director friend of mine, Fil Anderson, gives these instructions before a silent retreat: “Our purpose is to pay attention to God, to see and hear God more clearly. Silence is just a means to that end. Intimacy with God is what we desire.” When we strip away our props -- our books, cell phones, emails, people, television, appointments -- all that’s left is us. But if we stick with it, we will find that we’re not alone -- God is with us -- and we can entirely enjoy his presence. I have found that God does not often shout or demand my attention. Instead, his voice is soft and patient. Therefore, silence allows us to turn down the volume of other noises in our lives and create opportunities to hear God more clearly. In familiar Psalm 46:10 God gives us a pretty clear directive: “Be still, and know that I am God!”

One of the similar qualities of great saints is their attentiveness to God in solitude. For them, nothing is more important than to wait for God to speak softly into their lives. They value sitting quietly and letting God approach them, without trying to chase him down. They see silence and solitude as a discipline, a most important one. “In my life with God, the word discipline means the endeavor to create space in my life in which God can act. Discipline means being intentional about preventing everything in my life from being filled up. The diligent watchfulness guards my soul from intrusions that crowd out God” (Fil Anderson).

Our loud and busy world often crowds out the still, small voice of God. We have to intentionally remove ourselves from the busyness and volume of noise around us, get into a quiet place, and wait. In silence and solitude, we can begin the work of clearing out the lies and destructive messages of our world and start to hear the truth of who we are in Christ. That we are beloved daughters of the True King. That the One who moves mountains knows us and wants to spend time with us. That the Creator of the universe delights in us. “It is in this solitude that we discover that being is more important that having, and that we are worth more than the result of our efforts… In solitude we become aware that our worth is not the same as our usefulness” (Henri Nouwen).

Simple steps to solitude (adapted from Fil Anderson’s Running on Empty: Contemplative Spirituality for Overachievers): • Practice gratitude, thanksgiving, and momentary prayer. Claim the little moments of solitude that already

exist in your day. Before getting out of bed, take a few moments to greet God with gratitude. Waiting for an appointment or at a traffic light can be an opportunity to “wait upon the Lord” in silence. At the end of the day, reflect on the ways you have seen God move and show love that day.

• Schedule some space into your day. Allow some flexibility in your schedule so you can have a few minutes between tasks and appointments. Use this time to reconnect with God’s presence in the midst of a busy day. Use your lunch break to intentionally be alone with God.

• Find special places for solitude. A park, chapel, quiet room in your house. • Focus your prayer. When you feel bombarded with distractions, especially internally, pray for patience and to

focus on your desire for intimacy with God. This is called centering prayer, which is letting go of all competing distractions until we are fully present to God.

• Sit, stop, and wait. Your role is to open spaces where he can commune with you. Solitude and silence is often more about what we “undo” rather than what we “do.”

• Time with God isn’t an assignment to be graded. Neither is it a means to an end. The goal is not greater peace of mind or a lessening of anxiety or self-improvement, although that may happen. The goal is to meet with God and hopefully hear from him. Drop all preconditions and let go of all expectations.

Questions/Reflections:

What comes to mind when you hear the word solitude? Does the idea of being completely alone make you uncomfortable, or do you welcome the opportunity?

What is the typical rhythm of your day? Your week? Your month? How do you relax? Do you find it difficult (guilt-producing, wasteful) to relax? Or do you find it renewing and life-giving? Is solitude or silence a part of the rhythm of your life?

Reflect on this quotation from Frederick Buechner: “The quiet there, the rest, is beyond the reach of the world to disturb. It is how being saved sounds.”

Henri Nouwen tell us that “a life without a lonely place, that is, a life without a quiet center, easily becomes destructive. When we cling to the results of our actions as our only way of self-identification, then we become possessive and defensive and tend to look at our fellow human beings more as enemies to be kept at a distance than as friends with whom we share the gifts of life.” Do you agree or see this in your life?

Week Three: Body Stewardship (Rebekah) When I first think about “soul care”, what comes to mind is being in the Word, praying, retreats, confession, worship, etc. You know, some of the spiritual disciplines. I do not often think about my physical body when it comes to taking care of my soul. Until a few years ago, I would even say that I had not connected my physical body and health much with my spiritual health. However after dealing with a season of deep depression, followed by several other depressive episodes - the correlation between my physical and spiritual health has become clear. When I am aware of what is going on in my body, when I am sleeping enough (what is enough?), my eating patterns, water intake, exercise, and general health, I am also aware of what is going on within me spiritually. I am more able to hear the Truth from God and defeat the lies that can run through my mind. I can sense when God is calling me to Him and respond instead of being deaf to His calls because I am so tired, or hungry, or physically sick. But it is not easy.

For many years I believed that denying myself wasn’t just about denying my sinful attempts to be my own god, but also about ignoring the fact I am a human being with physical and emotional needs—and God-ordained limits. I never would’ve said I believed this, but my life told a different story. In particularly stressful seasons, I treated needs like sleep, nutrition, exercise, and emotional refreshment as luxuries for which I didn’t have time. It didn’t occur to me that accepting my God-given limits and actively choosing to receive God’s gifts of rest, food, recreation, and solitude are also acts of worship and obedience. I didn’t see my attempts to push past my perceived weakness or neediness for what they really were—pride.

God began to unravel the mess in my heart. He repeatedly reminded me that Jesus—fully human and fully God—regularly set aside time in his ministry to be alone or enjoy meals with friends. Why did I assume these things were acceptable for him but not for me? Why did I encourage people to take good care of themselves while neglecting good care of myself? Scripture reminded me of God’s great love and compassion for me, and his promise to provide for my needs.

The difficulty lies not so much in taking care of my physical body (although that is hard enough), but in seeing my body as an instrument of worship and not an instrument to be worshipped. I think you are probably like me and you do not want to follow the culture’s lead of worshipping your body and “perfecting” it (whatever that might mean!). But you might also feel the tension of wanting to care for and use the body that God has given you. So where do we draw the line between worship of and using for worship? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a clear line? But there is not. I think it is a bit different for all of us, and we have to learn to listen to our bodies and to how God speaks to us through them.

But why? Why take care of our physical body? Why exercise? Why eat healthy? Why follow guidelines for sleep or water intake? Let’s look at some scripture and see what the Lord will say to you from His Word:

Genesis 1:27: “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” - First thing I see is that God created us - if we love God, shouldn’t we love and care for what He lovingly created? - Next I see that we were created in His own image… the Hebrew word for image (tselem (tseh'-lem)) means that it has a resemblance of the original. Part of God is in each and every human being. Again, shouldn’t this bring about the care of and respect for the body? What else do you notice?

1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” - Greek word for “temple” - naos (nah-os') - a temple, a shrine, that part of the temple where God Himself resides. Naós (from naiō, "to dwell") is a sanctuary (divine dwelling-place); a temple (sacred abode), the place of divine manifestation. It refers to the sanctuary (the Jewish Temple proper), consisting of the Holy place and the Holy of holies. - This kind of blew me away when I first read it. Think about this: Paul is telling us that our bodies are like the Holy of Holies within the temple. This is the place that the presence of God resides. Only priests were allowed into the Holy of Holies. And yet our body is this type of dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. I knew that the Holy Spirit resided within me, but to see that my body has become a sacred place?! WOW! Makes me think a little differently about how I treat my body.

These are some of the thoughts that have gone through my head: hmmm, well I wouldn’t go into the sanctuary at church and smear chocolate all over the walls and spill coffee on the carpets (and yet there are days that I survive on coffee and peanut m&ms). We open the blinds, windows, doors and let the sunlight and fresh air into the sanctuary - and yet there are days that I don’t do much physical activity, or breath deeply outside or feel the sun upon my face. We have inspections on the church, but when was the last time I went to the doctor or noticed how rundown and tired I had become? The sanctuary is cleaned several times a week; have I cleaned out my mental cupboards, have I (am I even willing to) deal with my past and present sins? Do I have trusted people to help me clean?

-You were bought with a high price (the life, body, and blood of Jesus), and not just your spiritual self, but your whole self, your body too! “All aspects of life in the body have the potential to become places where we meet and know God in unique ways” (Sacred Rhythms, p.81).

Now look at 1 Kings 19 and notice the attention that God gave to Elijah’s physical condition. What do you see? What does God bring to mind about how this event with Elijah relates to your life? What blind spots did Elijah have? What ones do you have? Elouise Renich Fraser in her book Confessions of a Beginning Theologian writes: “I can’t trust my mind as often as I trust my body. My mind tries to talk me into business as usual, but my body isn’t fooled.” What is your body telling you through your insomnia, excessive tiredness, lack of energy, intestinal distress, back/shoulder pain, bumpy skin, allergies, moodiness, etc.?

A great moment for me was when I realized that in order to spend time with the Lord, I did not have to be sitting down inside. I could go for a walk, hike a mountain, pull weeds in a garden, swim in a lake. These are acts of worship! Have you ever thought how amazingly put together your body is when you are running or swimming? How many moving parts have to move and work together for these activities to take place? What a wondrously creative God we have that made our bodies! A friend of mine who hikes and runs, and does Taekwondo (black belt level!) - she makes me tired just listing her hobbies! - strained her knee last year. Her doctor put her in a brace and told her to rest. Now this woman, she likes to GO! It was so informative to see her struggling with how to rest. She felt unproductive. Forgotten. Less than her former self. And yet, she tells me that she had not been listening to God before her injury. She says one of the reasons she is praising God in the midst of her injury is because she had to stop. She wasn’t able to continue at her usual pace. She was not paying attention to how tired and worn down she had become. She just kept going. Until her body, and God through her body, made her stop. Rest. Refresh herself with some time with the Lord. Now that she is cleared to resume all her previous activities, she is asking and listening to the Lord about what things to continue with and what she needs to let go of. Is God using your physical body to call out to you to slow down? Is He longing for time with you? How are you incorporating your body into the worship of Him who created your body and everything around you?

In the past few years, I have had to make a lot of changes to my diet. I discovered that I have allergies that I never had before. My system does not like sugar (but I do!) or grains (LOVE bread!) and would work best with little to no dairy (but CHEESE!). The thing about me is that I LOVE food. Food is a love language for me. The dreaming up of a menu, creating the food, and then sharing it with others is what I love to do. Not only is food good tasting (usually) but it is a gateway for people to open up their lives and talk freely. I grew up in family that had most, if not all, our meals at the kitchen table together. We all ate breakfast together in the mornings. We had dinner together at night. And at night we discussed our days. This is where communication happened. This is also one of the places that my mother’s love was showered upon us all . My

mom is a great cook, and she loves to do it too. She loves through her food, this is where I got it from. These are the great things I learned from food. The bad… food=love. Guess what though, it doesn’t! But I still struggle with this; when I am sad, lonely, tired, depressed, happy, celebrating, mourning, even when I am none of these but all of them combined, food is often the answer. But I am not really looking for food. I am looking for love. Acceptance. Assurance that I am worthy of His love. And instead of going to the source of the love I am seeking (God), I reach for a sad and unworthy substitute. Do you know what this is a definition of? An idol! From Leviticus 19:4 the Hebrew word for idol is elil (el-eel'). It is defined as a thing of nothing. Something with no value. I am trading something of infinite value for something of no value!

But in the mix of all this, something that God is teaching me is the importance of nutrition and exercise - the care of my body. For most of my life, I did not think about my body (well except to wish it was different, but not the ways in which God was speaking to me through it!). Now with my new limits, I can see how He is caring for me, longs for the best for me, and desires for me to worship Him and not His good gifts in my life. For me, this is how God is helping me not to worship the body He has given me, but instead to use it to worship Him. When I care for my body, I am able to take on the challenges and adventures that He leads me to. And my soul is cared for in the process. My mind can hear and understand Truth, and grow. I seek opportunities to be with the Lord when I am restful in my own skin. I want others around me when I am rested and nourished, and I am able to invite others into the rest and nourishment of God. “[L]ife lived fully in the body is the truly spiritual life” (Sacred Rhythms).

Week Four: The Soul Garden (Suz) On the surface, it’s easy to take care of a garden: if you spot a weed, you pull it; if your soil needs organic matter, you add compost; if a plant needs pruning, you lop off a branch. It’s so straightforward!

But there is a beautiful art to the tending of a garden, not just hard-core science. It’s not just about where and how to place plants so they’ll get the optimum level of light that they need without blocking other tender shoots, or what amount of water they need; it’s also about how to combine colors and fragrance and bloom time so there is always something blooming, making the evening air heavy with scent. Good gardening goes beyond skill to artistic preference and celebration.

The Bible is rich with metaphor. In Song of Songs, the bodies of the lovers are celebrated as fenced-in gardens full of beauty and loveliness and fragrance and delight. Hundreds of years later, Jesus continues agrarian imagery for the benefit of His hard-working listeners. One of His most famous stories, or parables, is about a gardener who sows good seed on four different soils. Jesus wants the listener to understand that the soils are metaphors for the condition of the listeners’ souls (see Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:1-15).

How do we tend the gardens of our souls?

A phrase that addresses this is soul care. It’s not a phrase in the Bible, but we use it to create a common language to talk about the mind, will, heart, and self: the soul.

Rather than talk about soul care disciplines (prayer, spiritual companionship, Scripture, solitude and silence, reflection, and simplicity, listed at the end of this month), I’d like to tell you a story.

There once was a young woman, blond-streaked and tired, who came into town looking for a house. She bought an old worn-out Victorian with the porch roof barely intact, held up by a single post. The original color, a seafoam green, had been peeled back by the wind and rain. Breaks in the shingles had brought water into the house, ruining the floor by buckling old hardwood. The windows were darkened by shades that were torn, the kitchen was trashed and without most appliances, the bedrooms dirty and stained with mouse droppings. The whole house felt sparse and lonely and dismal.

I spoke with her and saw the pain in her eyes. It was as if she had held up a white flag, buffeted and bullied by her past. She had come to town to escape something.

When I knocked on the door, she hesitated, unsure of who I was and what my intentions were. She did not invite me in, but closed the door behind her and stood with me on the slanted and shaky front porch. I couldn’t see a stick of furniture. No rugs. No color.

I befriended her simply: I looked at her in the eyes, I listened to her, I showed mercy, I moved gently and slowly. As a bit of time passed, she let me into her soul and into her house.

One of my great pleasures is bringing beauty, order, and honor, and somehow she sensed that. We talked about her house and she let me into the public parts of it: the foyer, the kitchen, and the family room.

Her job provided her enough income to work on the house little by little. Indoors, we began in the kitchen, as it was vital to normal function. I began to understand that she did not highly value herself from the little digs she said. “Oh, I don’t need much. A can of beans is fine,” she voiced quietly, looking down and away. “I probably won’t ever entertain. I’ve never had many friends.”

She was content with washing her few dishes, so we focused on getting a dependable refrigerator and cleaning out the disgusting oven. We watched the temperature on the oven rise to 500 degrees, waited ten minutes, then turned it off. No blow-ups and easier scrubbing! We laughed as we filled the garbage can.

Outdoors, she hired a roofer to patch and repair. On the day he finished, he noted, “That garden in the corner of your lot must have some fine soil. I can see the weeds are a clear foot higher there than the rest of your yard. There’s some kind of vine growing on the fence that’s real pretty, and I saw some yellow. What’s back there?”

“Honestly, I didn’t even know there was a garden,” she said blankly.

Over the next year, she had the floors fixed and even put a rug down in the foyer. The evening she invited me for dinner was a happy occasion. I brought a chilled wine and we ate at a table with two chairs. It felt like a victory.

“May I use your restroom?” I queried. “Oh - yes, of course, but you’ll have to use mine. The guest bathroom toilet is leaking so I’ve turned off the water to it. Here, take the roll of toilet paper. Sorry.”

I passed her room on the way, creaking step by step on the old floor, and stopped in my tracks. A mattress on the floor, covers akimbo, a small pillow with yellowed stains, and a few piles of clothes. A little lamp. A phone charger. My heart went out to her. She had done much - but there was still much to do.

“What’s your next phase of renovation?” I asked when I returned to the table. “You’ve done a great job so far. You’ve secured the outside and the public areas of your house so beautifully. You’ve even started pulling weeds in the garden area. Now what?”

She chewed carefully, frowning. “I’m not sure about this place. I feel … I feel like I might need to leave.”

“Why? Is it money or the projects?”

“No, it’s me. It’s my heart.” She leaned in, and her voice began to shake. “I can’t sleep, I can’t fix … myself. I thought getting away from my hometown would help. I thought starting fresh would bring me more peace and help me settle down. But I’m starting to get just as jumpy as I used to be, just as agitated, just as eaten up with ….” Her voice trailed off. “I’m like this house. The outside has been repainted, the outer parts repaired, the public rooms restored. But inside … inside, I’m still a mess.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I can fix this house, but I can’t fix me.” Her tears began to slip down her cheeks and her chin quivered. “I’m restless. I sometimes come in here and just turn in circles, not knowing what to do next. I get overwhelmed and just move on to something else I can do.” She looked up at me and shyly laughed at herself. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to break down like this.” She blew her nose.

Holy ground - that’s what that night was. When someone opens their heart and lets you see the chaos, the clutter, the confusion, the wreckage … that is sacred space. I was honored that she thought me trustworthy.

Renovation began, only this time, it was in her heart and well as in her home. As we worked together in her garden, it seemed as if God Himself lit up the location with bright hues of grace and truth and chased away the shadows of fear and depression and doubt.

The garden was full of weeds of all sorts - deep rooted ones that required a shovel and gloves, to little greens that needed a fingernail’s pull. Those with deep roots inspired deep questions as we sweated and toiled to pull them out by the roots.

“What are your weeds? What are the deep-rooted weeds that are taking up space in your heart where God intended for beautiful things to grow?”

“What are the lies you’ve believed about yourself?”

“How did you lose your voice?”

“What are you angry about? What do you need to forgive?”

“Who has defined you? What have you believed about who you are? Do you know how much God values you?”

Some weeds were shallow and pulled out easily. “These blond streaks are not me. I put them in to please someone else … and so much for that relationship!” Her hair returned to its natural red.

There was a fig tree that had grown wild. Old branches had died, and some had blackened with the final winter frost. “Let’s prune this tree and take these old, brittle parts to the dump.” I pulled out my loppers from the back of my truck.

“Um, those look scary. Do you know what you’re doing?” she asked. “You’re only cutting off the dead parts, right?”

“Actually, some of these living branches needs to be pruned too. They’re too high, and some are too unwieldy. They’ve got to go.”

“Oh, do you have to take off the living branches too? They look like they’ll be fine. Won’t it hurt the tree?”

“Fine, yes, but not fruitful to their potential. Trust me. It’ll be okay.” She still cringed when the pile of discarded branches grew as tall as her knees.

The soil was indeed rich. I had it analyzed; the results made us laugh. It was largely composed of manure! “Well, I must admit, if good soil is full of poop, my own heart might just have a chance! I’ve got plenty of crap in my life! Well, actually, in my past,” she said as if realizing something.

We drew a garden plan on paper and then slowly created it, spilling out of the boundaries of the garden and into the entire yard: corn and squash and cucumbers and flax and zucchini and tomatoes and three different kinds of peppers; rows of dahlias that curled into swirls; borders of Mexican evening primroses; Juddi viburnum for their outstanding fragrance and classic foliage; peonies and hydrangeas to frame the house; daffodils and snowdrops and tulips to brighten her home next spring.

Indoors, we finally went upstairs to her bedroom, her most personal and private space. Still just a mattress. Still a few piles of clothes. Still the solitary lamp and the cord. No color, no pictures or paintings, no rug or sheets or bedskirt or happy pillows or curtains or dresser or mementos or mirror. A depressed feeling, an avoidance.

I looked at her tenderly and said, “What happened? What happened in your most intimate space that you are choosing to live like this? Who devalued you? Who harmed you? What happened?”

She knelt on the old hardwood and tears came. After getting the sole roll of toilet paper, I just sat with her. She wept, hands on her face. Eventually, her sobbing ebbed into red-rimmed eyes and deep sighs, and she told me the story. We leaned against a wall. For a while, after her story, we sat in silence.

“You are more than what they did; you are more than what they thought. You are a precious daughter of God, holy and called to a purpose, gifted and steadied by God. I will help you. Rest and be safe.” Exhausted by the exhuming of the death in her past, she crawled onto her mattress. I sat on the floor beside her till she slept, whispering prayers of healing and love and wholeness.

For the next day or two, I simply prayed for her. I asked that God would reveal Himself to her as a loving Father; that He would show her how to forgive; that she would increasingly understand who she was based on truth, not lies. That she would experience grace, peace, and hope. That in the quiet spaces of her day, she would listen to the truth that would set her free.

I knocked on her door Saturday with sunscreen and packets of seeds in my hand. “Surprise! Let’s make a garden!” It was late spring, when herbs and vegetables and flowers beg for life. She smiled, up for the adventure, and we got into the dirt. It definitely smelled of manure.

“What you told me the other night - all that is the manure of your past. It will make your heart a wonderful garden for God the Father to plant. Your flowers will be compassion and beauty and strength and simplicity.” She looked at me sideways and then understood.

“You’re saying that all of that harm I experienced, all of my failures, all of those wounds, are making me good soil for God?”

“Absolutely. You’ll see. Have a little faith. Give Him time; He is so very patient with us. Listen to Him and you’ll see.”

Over that summer, she blossomed, as did her garden. One summer evening we feasted on roasted, salted squash and zucchini with thyme, potatoes with rosemary, leg of lamb, and fresh wheat bread. The vegetables and herbs had come from her garden, and she had baked the bread. She glowed with happy accomplishment.

After our meal, she said she had a surprise to show me. As we topped her creaky stairs, there it was: a real bed. A nightstand! A place for her clothes. She turned to me, saying, “I’m not worthless. I’m not stupid. I’m not powerless. I’m not useless. I’m not hopeless or ignorant or incapable or bad.” She continued solemnly. “I’ve learned from this house and the garden that God is into renovation.” She smiled and looked me squarely in the eyes. “He actually delights in taking someone like me - worn out, sin sick, in despair, easily distressed, very confused, super sad - and bringing life where there was death, hope where there was dejection, glory where there was gloom.” She was lit up from the inside. “I hear Him now. I’m His now! I’m not who I once was. I’m remade. I’m recreated.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me, for showing me, for getting manure on your hands, my manure, for being patient with me, for listening to me, and for not running away.” She hugged me tightly and gave me one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received, straight from her grateful heart: “You’re a good gardener and a good friend. You tilled up my soil and my soul. Thank you. I believe good is coming.”

What she didn’t know was that this is what I do - I indwell God’s sons and daughters, working within their hearts and minds and lives to prepare them for the Father’s good touch of life. She didn’t know that I knew her from the beginning, that I loved her deeply, that I wanted her to be filled with the life and glory God had intended for her.

And there was much more life to come: a love of people. Holiness. Simplicity. Grace and truth. A ministry to the hurting. More flowers, more figs, more faith. A few weeds still needed pulling, and there would always be pruning - and she hated those loppers! Her house already needed a new coat of stain on the remodeled porch, but that was exterior; the interior now was solid, sturdy, and lovely, just like her. This was just the beginning. Praise God!

She had learned that to pray was to open to me. She had enjoyed my presence and anticipated my companionship, trusting that I was there to be honest with her and give her insight into our Father and herself. She began to believe the truth about herself; she received the grace our Father had given her, open-handed, and applied His love as a salve for her heart. She had learned to think, to consider, to ponder; to ask questions when she got stuck; and to let go of many of her fears. Trust and faith came as she practiced. She did not get distracted from her simplicity, which served her well and gave her the right amount of time for her ministry, which was usually one-to-one, sitting at that old table with two chairs.

On an old, wavy, wooden board from the days of the leaky roof, she painted the words tend the garden. Those who knew her knew what she meant.

Use these quotes from the story to unpack soul care:

Can you relate to the woman when she spoke of her own soul (the house and garden), “Honestly, I didn’t even know there was a garden,” she said blankly? Do you know folks who are unaware of their own depths and souls?

“I’m like this house. The outside has been repainted, the outer parts repaired, the public rooms restored. But inside … inside, I’m still a mess.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I can fix this house, but I can’t fix me.” Do you think it’s necessary for all of us to get to this point - where nothing we’re trying works well enough? In what ways do you need soul care? What would benefit you as you walk with the Lord? What is He calling you to do in order to be closer to Him? (See the brief summary of soul care disciplines following if you need some direction.)

Choose one of the “weed” questions and discuss your answers: “What are your weeds? What are the deep weeds that are taking up space in your heart where God intended for beautiful things to grow?” “What are the lies you’ve believed about yourself?” “How did you lose your voice?” “What are you angry about? What do you need to forgive?” “Who has defined you? What have you believed about who you are? Do you know how much God values you?”

In what ways has God pruned your soul, just as the Holy Spirit pruned the fig tree in the story by lopping off dead branches and trimming living ones? This is God doing soul care within you.

“What you told me the other night - all that is the manure of your past. It will make your heart a wonderful garden for God the Father to plant. Your flowers will be compassion and beauty and strength and simplicity.” She looked at me sideways and then understood. “You’re saying that all of that harm I experienced, all of my failures, all of those wounds, are making me good soil for God?” How do you think soil/soul manure (the crappy times in life we experience) ultimately work together with God’s grace to produce love and life?

Tears filled her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you for telling me, for showing me, for getting manure on your hands, my manure, for being patient with me, for listening to me, and for not running away.” She hugged me tightly and gave me one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received, straight from her grateful heart: “You’re a good gardener and a good friend. You tilled up my soil and my soul. Thank you. I believe good is coming.” How does this woman’s grateful heart reflect your story with God’s rescue and care of you? How has He transformed your soul with His care?

A Brief Summary of Soul Care Disciplines

Prayer Ancients used to practice seven sacred pauses (see Macrina Wiederkehr’s book by that title or read a summary at http://amindfuljourney.com/seven-sacred-pauses/) to intentionally refocus on God through daily, patterned prayer. When you rise in the morning, prayer focuses on God’s goodness in a new day. Ask yourself, “What needs to rise in me today?” Mid-morning is the Blessing Hour; Midday is the Hour of Illumination; mid-afternoon is the Wisdom Hour; the Twilight Hour is also called vespers; next is the Great Silence; and at midnight is the Night Watch. Each hour has specific questions and prayers. This is a beautiful, grace-filled habit to take with you!

Spiritual Companions Connect with some mature spiritual friends who are committed to doing life with you. Pray together, listen well to each other, and speak the truth in love to each other.

“Sensus fidelium” = a Latin phrase for “the sense of the faithful.” It’s used to describe those who know you and love you. They’re your “go to” folks when you have a need or questions or need direction or feel stuck. Who are your sensus fidelium folks?

Scripture Hebrews 4:12 says that Scripture is “living and active, sharper than a double-edged sword,” relevant in our lives today, “God-breathed and …useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). Even Jesus is called the Word of God in John 1 and Revelation 19. So we want to be shaped by God’s Word. What are your routines for reading the Bible?

Solitude and Silence (see Summers’ writing too) Isn’t this a tough one in our day? Our lives are full of dings, vibrations, and voicemails; emails, tweets, and pictures; updates, breaking news, and meetings. Every age has its pressures. If you read through Mark 1, you see Jesus was in a super-busy, people-centered ministry. He was active and in high demand. His ministry was people-oriented, which can feel draining to many of us. Yet even He pulled away to be with His Father. Practicing a time of silence and aloneness helps us to hear from our heavenly Father, know who we are, and clear our souls of the muck of living. In His Presence we are energized and equipped.

What would it take for you to set aside time in your day to be alone and quiet with God? Will you model this for family members? Using His quiet whisper, what is He speaking into your life?

Reflection Look back over your day; where were you aware of God? Where did you forget Him? What was He actively doing in you? Where were you anxious or angry or glad? Take time to tell Him when you went wrong, when you enjoyed Him, how precious His forgiveness is to you in light of your failures and fractures.

Check Suzanne’s website, theexameneffort.com, for more information, journals, and bracelets (tangible reminders to pray).

Look at the trends you see in your spiritual life: is a theme coming up? Does God seem to be saying the same thing over and over, confirming a path or choice you are praying about? Do you sense He is speaking something over your upcoming year?

Simplicity You’ve probably heard the saying, “The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing.” What is your God-given “main thing”? Does your life align with this in a straightforward way, or are you distracted, cluttered, confused? Ask God for wisdom in how to de-clutter your soul; we de-clutter kitchens and closets without thinking twice about doing the same with our soul’s interior.

As a complement to all of these practices, we stress living honestly with God, yourself, and those around you. Don’t be afraid to be honest with what God is saying and doing in your life. Invite others into living honestly and deeply in Jesus!

Short Form: If your group can’t do all this stuff … Week Two Do the Blue Book chapter “The Soil of Your Soul” together. Go through the Scriptures and discuss how they apply to you. Look through any of the reflective readings that jump off the page and share. Remember, keep this simple and do-able. It will be rich!

Week Three Beginning with this quote, explore the summary of soul care disciplines (a page back). Which disciplines seem do-able for your life? Which ones raise your curiosity? Will you be brave and try to institute a new one for an entire month, not making the discipline an idol or a point of perfectionism, but really focusing on drawing near to the Lord?

“Most of us are more tired than we know at the soul level. We are teetering on the brink of dangerous exhaustion, and we really cannot do anything else until we have gotten some rest. The other disciplines … are a wonderful smorgasbord of spiritual sustenance, but we really can’t engage any of them until solitude becomes a place of rest for us rather than another place for human striving and hard work.” Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

Week Four

Watch the movie “Of Gods and Men” together.

How did these beloved men care for their souls? What was it about their community that made them so strong together? Who is your community like that?

Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with Me.

Song of Songs 2:10