Assertiveness

Chapter 15

Q=on Quiz

Assertiveness in Principle and Practice

• Assertiveness is a way of life that influences our interactions with others and our approach to dealing with problems/injustices that we perceive to be true ©.

• Grid-see pp. 192-193--Q

Becoming Assertive

• Where do you fit?• To determine if you

are responding assertively in a particular situation, ask yourself if you are part of the problem, or the solution.

• If we are unable to manage our affect, we are more likely to behave passively or aggressively.

• If we are unable to manage our behavior, we are more likely to behave passively or aggressively.

• If we are unable to manage our cognitions, we are more likely to behave passively or aggressively.

Changing Affect to become Assertive

• We need to identify and change the thoughts that underlie negative emotions.

• When negative emotions interfere with assertive behavior, we need to learn how to turn on positive emotions.

• Change techniques: relaxation, exercise, change techniques in chapter 9

Changing Behavior to Become Assertive (Q)

• Change techniques from chapter 10, specifically behavior mod, and imagined rehearsal

• Use Assertive Communication—a method of speaking and listening that is respectful of oneself and others that keeps the lines of communication open.

• Three examples are:• I Messages—a clear and

specific statement of the problem from the speaker’s perspective with a suggested resolution—as opposed to the You Message that can turn into an argument.

• See Steps for I messages on pp. 195-6.

Changing Behavior to Become Assertive (Q)

• Example 2—Active Listening

• When I Messages are reacted to aggressively by another, communication can end. Active listening is a way of dialoguing that attempts to understand and reflect another’s feelings and attitudes while staying in control.

• See steps and example on pp. 196-7

• Example 3—Verbal Defenses

• Sometimes our assertiveness is responded to negatively, so we need defense mechanisms to stay in control: broken record, content-to-process shift, assertive delay, assertive inquiry, clouding—p. 198

Changing Cognition to Become Assertive

• We must have the skill to stop thoughts about ourselves, and others in order to change aggressive/passive situations.

• Visualizing positive outcomes of being assertive can help us act assertively.

• See change techniques in chapter 11.

So, Why are People Aggressive?

• Aggressive behavior seems to work by intimidating others

• Aggression feels good temporarily.

• Aggression is promoted by society.

• Aggression is easier than assertiveness.

• Aggression allows us to be comfortable with our own prejudices.

• Aggression is motivated behavior.

So, Why be Assertive? (Q)

• The societal price of aggression

• The personal price of aggression

• The payoffs of assertiveness

• Assertiveness is a choice

• Weigh the outcomes—see Arnie, p. 202