ASSERTIVENESS

Assertiveness Assertiveness

Saying What You Mean Saying What You Mean

and and

Meaning What You SayMeaning What You Say

Three Patterns of Three Patterns of CommunicationCommunication

Aggressive CommunicationAggressive Communication

Passive CommunicationPassive Communication

Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication

A Challenge

Please write a One Sentence Definition of

A S S E R T I V E N E S S.

Definition of Assertiveness

An honest, direct, and

appropriate expression of

one's feelings, thoughts,

and beliefs.

Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours?

Can you accept criticism without being defensive?

Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments?

Are you able to stand up for your rights?

Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language?

Are you able to exercise and express your strengths?

Can you easily recognize and compliment other people’s achievements?

Are you able to refuse unreasonable requests from friends, family, or co-workers?

Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others?

Do you ask for assistance when you need it ?A “yes” response to the questions indicates an assertive approach.

Why Assertiveness Is Important? Effective communication

brings about the achievement of individual and/or shared goals.

Assertiveness increases your ability to reach these goals while maintaining your rights and dignity.

What’s Keeping You From Being Assertive?

Fear of change.

Refusal to admit their submissiveness.

Fear of ruining relationships if you speak your mind.

Lack confidence in your ability.

Aggressiveness Is Inappropriately expressing your

thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that violates other people’s rights.

Achieving your goal by not allowing others the freedom to choose.

Completely disrespecting others whether it be in an active or passive method.

Aggressive BehaviorAggressive Behavior

Directly standing up for personal rights Directly standing up for personal rights and expressing thoughts and beliefs in a and expressing thoughts and beliefs in a way which is often dishonest, usually way which is often dishonest, usually inappropriate, and always violates the inappropriate, and always violates the rights of the other personrights of the other person

Aggressive BehaviorAggressive Behavior

Goals of Aggressive BehaviorGoals of Aggressive Behavior::domination and winningdomination and winningforcing others to loseforcing others to lose

Winning is insured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, Winning is insured by humiliating, degrading, belittling, or overpowering other people so that they become or overpowering other people so that they become weaker and less able to express and defend their needs weaker and less able to express and defend their needs and rightsand rights

Reasons People Act Reasons People Act AggressivelyAggressively

To get your point acrossTo get your point across Don’t know another way to get your point acrossDon’t know another way to get your point across For personal gain, controlFor personal gain, control To avoid your own personal responsibilityTo avoid your own personal responsibility Low self esteemLow self esteem Anger related to previous non assertionAnger related to previous non assertion Don’t have other coping mechanismsDon’t have other coping mechanisms Reacting to another’s aggressionReacting to another’s aggression

Consequences of Consequences of AggressionAggression

The other person gets defensiveThe other person gets defensive Get rid of anger or other emotionsGet rid of anger or other emotions Lose friendships, other intimate relationships, Lose friendships, other intimate relationships,

damage relationshipsdamage relationships Affect work, lose jobAffect work, lose job Lose respectLose respect

A Passive Person

Passive people usually: Speak softly and hesitantly.

Is confused.

Avoid eye contact.

Allow other people in their personal space.

Passive BehaviorPassive Behavior

Violating your own rights by failing Violating your own rights by failing to express honest feelings, to express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs and thoughts, and beliefs and consequently permitting others to consequently permitting others to violate youviolate you

Passive BehaviorPassive Behavior

Goals of nonassertive behavior:Goals of nonassertive behavior:to appease othersto appease othersto avoid conflict at any costto avoid conflict at any cost

Message communicated:Message communicated:My thoughts aren’t important; I don’t countMy thoughts aren’t important; I don’t count I’m nothing; you are superiorI’m nothing; you are superior I don’t respect your ability to take I don’t respect your ability to take

disappointments, handle your own disappointments, handle your own problems. . .problems. . .

Consequences of Passive Consequences of Passive BehaviourBehaviour

Not getting your point acrossNot getting your point across Nothing changes, problems can get worseNothing changes, problems can get worse Damages self esteemDamages self esteem Can lead to aggressive behaviorCan lead to aggressive behavior Other people can take advantage of youOther people can take advantage of you

                                                                                                       

Assertiveness

I’m OK

You’re not OK You’re OK

I’m not OK

                                                                                                       

Assertiveness

I’m OK

AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE

You’re not OK You’re OK

PASSIVE / PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

I’m not OK

Assertive Rights You have the right to be assertive.

You have the right to request that others change their behavior if they are infringing on your rights.

You have the right to use your own time to answer questions.

You have the right to express your needs even if they are illogical.

Be aware that there are responsibilities attached to all these rights!

Assertive Behavior Assertive Behavior

Non verbals are congruent with verbalsNon verbals are congruent with verbals Voice is appropriately loud to the situationVoice is appropriately loud to the situation Eye contact is firm but not a stare downEye contact is firm but not a stare down Body gestures denote strengthBody gestures denote strength Speech pattern is fluent, expressive, Speech pattern is fluent, expressive,

clear, and emphasizes key wordsclear, and emphasizes key words

Assertive CommunicationAssertive Communication

I language Communication--3 parts:I language Communication--3 parts:

I feel . . . (describe your feelings)I feel . . . (describe your feelings)when . . .(objectively describe the other when . . .(objectively describe the other

person’s behavior)person’s behavior)It’s tangible effects on you . . .(describe It’s tangible effects on you . . .(describe

how the other person’s behavior how the other person’s behavior concretely effects your life or feelings)concretely effects your life or feelings)

Making the First MoveOvercoming the

Fear of Being Assertive:Concentrat

e.

Remember who you’re with and tailor your discussion.

Be tactful and honest.

Make eye

contact.

Assertiveness is More Than Courage

Taking the First Step

If you don’t like the way you feel when you behave a certain way, know that you have the power to change it!

Remember, the only behavior you can control is your own.

He was asked to complete his engineering project in 4 days , which he completed in just one and half days..working nonstop and asked assertively for scholarship to be continued.

He started dealing people so assertively even being dyslexic,that he had made 5 successful business ventures at the age of 17.

You Can Change Your Habits1. Identify what you want to change

about yourself.2. Set a goal.3. Control your fears and anxieties.4. Aim for a success that is

manageable at first.5. Keep a record to monitor your

progress.6. Practice, practice, practice!

Don’t lose sight of your goal, and remember that upkeep is a life-long commitment.