"As writers, we learn most of what we know just by

watching the pros, don't we?" ~John R. Trimble

Mentor Sentences

Mentor Sentences: 1.What do you notice about the following

sentences?2.Using an image/sentence from your own

writing, or something random, write your own sentence using the structure and concepts from the following.

Mentor Sentences

"The moon was a thin, bright machete cutting its way through patches of clouds"

- In the Time of the Butterflies, by Julia Alvarez, p. 89.

"From above, Assef's screams went on and on, the cries of a wounded animal."

- Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner, p. 291

"On occasion the war was like a Ping-Pong ball. You could put fancy spin on it, you could make it dance."

- The Things They Carried p. 32

Tips to Create Metaphor/Simile

Isolate a Characteristic. Novelists often try to pick a single remarkable feature of a character to describe. Trying to give a complete image of an entire person would be incredibly difficult.

Vivid is Better. Which creates a stronger image in your mind, “She was cold”–or–“She felt as if the wind was biting at her with small, icy teeth.” When looking for metaphors, visual impact is more important than perfect accuracy.

Draw it Out. If finding a metaphor is difficult for you, pull up a piece of paper and start drawing concepts out.

The 10-Year Old Rule. Ask yourself if you could explain your metaphor to a ten-year old. Your goal with metaphors is to take an abstract or complex idea and anchor it down into something easy to understand.

Mentor Sentences

“Lydia was scrawny with brown hair that fell limply to her shoulders. She dyed it from time to time.”- Jodi Picoult

“The woman’s figure was slender and accentuated by the curve of her close-fitting belt.”- Anne Lemont

Style Analysis: DICTION

Diction Review

The words diction and language are terms that you will use interchangeably when you analyze an author’s style. These words all refer to the author’s word choice.

Denotation dictionary definitionConnotation suggested meaning

The words plump and obese both literally describe a person who is overweight. This is the dictionary definition of both words.

Denotation vs. Connotation

The word plump has the connotation of being pleasantly fat, almost cutely overweight. Its connotation describes women more often than men. It is this extra “emotional” feeling that shows how we use the word.

The word obese, often used by medical personnel, has a more technical connotation. It carries a less emotional, more scientific or clinical emotional tag.

Now you try

Generate a list of words you would use to describe a dwelling where a person may live.

Discuss, with your partner, the various emotional “tags” associated with each of the dwellings you listed. How are they subtly connotatively different from one another, even though they share the same connotative meaning?

What about this sentence?

The boy surveyed the class, congratulating himself for snatching the highest grade on the test.

What about this sentence?

The boy surveyed the class, congratulating himself for snatching the highest grade on the test.

Two words are important here: surveyed and snatching. They are the words with the strongest connotations.

Writing commentary for your diction analysis

“surveyed”

“snatching”

conveys the idea of someone looking around as if he were a king gazing down on lesser beings

YOU TRY THE COMMENTARY

Group practice/model: “The Rattler”

Read “The Rattler”Annotate the excerpt for words that have

strong connotations, especially words that reflect the man’s attitude toward the snake and his task at hand

Diction paragraph: brainstorming

Diction paragraph: brainstorming

“arrested”

“live wire”

“little tocsin”

frozen in time, caught by a force stronger than the snake

adversary meets adversary, electric feeling, potential danger

an alarm, a warning bell on a ship

Mentor Sentence

"Just as we were reaching the car, we heard a commotion coming from the woods. Something was crashing through the brush – and breathing very heavily. It sounded like what you might hear in a slasher film. And it was coming our way. We froze, staring into the darkness. The sound grew louder and closer. Then in a flash the thing burst into the clearing and came charging in our direction, a yellow blur. A very big yellow blur. As it galloped past, not stopping, not even seeming to notice us, we could see it was a large Labrador retriever. But it was nothing like the sweet Lily we had just cuddled with inside. This one was soaking wet and covered up to its belly in mud and burrs. Its tongue hung out wildly to one side, and froth flew off its jowls as it barreled past."

Marley and Me p. 9, John Grogan

Style Analysis: DETAILS

Part III: DETAILS

Details are literal, concrete, or factual description (in other words, NOT figurative language); think “imagery”

Who, what, when, whereRemember

Diction connotative vocabulary Details literal description

Details are literal

Who? What? When? Where? Why?

Example:“turned a little to watch what I would do”

This supplies CONCRETE detail to the reader; it helps us visualize the snake turning around as it sits on the desert sand

Group Practice:

Read “The Rattler” (again )With a different color pen or highlighter from

what you used for the diction analysis, highlight any examples of details or imagery that strike you as significant

Sample Analysis for “The Rattler”

Quotation“turned a little to

watch”

go “back to the ranch house, [get] a hoe, and [return]”

Commentaryafraid or hesitantcasual reaction to

trivial interruption

calm watching of a possible threat

Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences structurally?

“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.”

“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on the shore.”- Dave Myers

Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences structurally?

“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.”

“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the ocean. Beachcombers later found her remains on the shore.”- Dave Myers

“TO BE” VERBS:AMIS

AREWAS

WEREBE

BEEN

Active and Passive Voice

How to Recognize Active and Passive Sentences

1. Identify the subject of the sentence. 2. Identify the action that the sentence identifies. 3. Examine the relationship between the subject

and verb. • Does the subject perform the action of the verb? (If so,

the sentence is active.) • Does the subject sit there while something else -- named

or unnamed -- performs an action on it? (If so, the sentence is passive.)

Basic Examples

I love you. subject: "I" action: "loving" relationship: The subject ("I") is the one performing the

action ("loving"). The sentence is active.

You are loved by me. subject: "you" action: "loving" relationship: The subject ("You") sits passively while the

action ("loving") is performed by somebody else ("me"). This sentence is passive.

Difference between Passive Voice and Past Tense

Many people confuse the passive voice with the past tense. The most common passive constructions also happen to be past tense (e.g. "I've been framed"), but "voice" has to do with who, while "tense" has to do with when. 

Active Voice

Passive Voice

Past tense

I taught; I learned.

I was (have been) taught [by someone]; It was (has been) learned [by someone].

Present Tense

I teach; I learn.

I am [being] taught [by someone]; It is [being] learned [by someone].

Future Tense

I will teach; I will learn.

I will be taught [by someone]; It will be learned [by someone]..

Can't tell? If the main verb is a linking verb ("is," "was," "are," "seems," etc.), then the verb functions like an equals sign; there is no action (either active or passive) involved -- it merely describes a state of being.

Mentor Sentences

“And the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the nieces, the nephews, that lived in those walls, the gibbering pack of tree apes that said nothing, nothing, nothing and said it loud, loud, loud.”

- Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, p. 44

"I was too good for this war. Too smart, too compassionate, too everything."

- Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, p. 41

Anaphora

Origin: From the Greek ἀναφορά (anafora), meaning “to bring back” or “to carry back”.

In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive sentences or clauses.

Anaphora

Effect:o Key words or ideas are emphasized, often

with great emotional pull.

o Repetition makes the line memorable.

o The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.

Anaphora Examples

“I came, I saw, I conquered.”— Julius Caesar, shortly after the Battle of Zela, 47 BC

“We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills …”

— Winston Churchill, House of Commons, London, England, 4 June 1940

Anaphora Examples

“If Margret Thatcher wins, I warn you not to be ordinary, I warn you not to be young, I warn you not to fall ill, I warn you not to get old.”

— Neil Kinnock, Bridgend, Wales, 7 June 1983

“As you know, we’ve got the iPod, best music player in the world. We’ve got the iPod Nanos, brand new models, colors are back. We’ve got the amazing new iPod Shuffle.”

— Steve Jobs, Macworld 2007 Keynote Address

Epistrophe

Origin: From the Greek ἐπιστροφή (epistrofi), meaning “turning about” or “upon turning”.

In plain English: Repetition of a word or phrase at the end of successive sentences or clauses.

Epistrophe

Effect:The emphasis is on the last word(s) of a series of

sentences or phrases, so it can be dramatic.It is particularly effective when one wishes to

emphasize a concept, idea or situation.

Repetition makes the lines memorable.

The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.

Epistrophe Examples

“… that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.“

— Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 19 November 1863

“There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem.  There is only an American problem.”

— Lyndon Johnson, Washington, D.C., 15 March 1965

Epistrophe Examples

“Our struggle has reached a decisive moment. We call on our people to seize this moment, so that the process towards democracy is rapid and uninterrupted. … I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination.”

— Nelson Mandela, Cape Town, 11 February 1990

“I left campus knowing little about the millions of young people cheated out ofeducational opportunities here in this country. And I knew nothing about the millions of people living in unspeakable poverty and disease in developing countries.”

— Bill Gates, Harvard University address, 7 June 2007