As we all know, Asher Roth was scheduled to come to the Beaver Bash this year for the Cultural Leadership Conference (CLC). Since Roth cancelled and the stipends from the cancellation fees were rather voluptuous, Buena Vista University (BVU) has hired another performer—none other than the one and only, Justin Bieber.

When asked about the cancellation of Roth, freshman John Smith seems optimistic. “I don’t know what [Roth] was thinking. We would have been a great crowd. He’ll really be missing out. JBiebs is way better anyway,” Smith surmised.

“Through the years, BVU hasn’t had any major performers. Two scheduled in one year is a giant accomplishment for this campus. We’re very much looking forward to bringing a big name to campus,” staff member Alice Swanson said.

Bieber will be performing near the arch on the Forum Lawn at a time that is still to be determined. The artist will be performing for BVU students and CLC participants.

Some of BVU’s students are very excited for Bieber to come to campus, while others are a little upset. Bieber’s stigma among young girls is evident even though this past March he passed the legal age of 18. The Canadian is extremely famous in countries all over the world.

“I think Justin Bieber is a girl. I’m not looking forward to the concert at all. I would rather listen to silence for three days straight. The screaming girls that are about to surround BVU will give me a never-ending headache,” BVU senior Jess Adams said.

“I think Justin Bieber is going to be a great performer. I can’t think of any person that I would rather have come to campus and sing to me than Justin. I’m sure once he gets here and we meet we’ll be together for the rest of our lives. Watch out, Selena!,” said junior Bri Funte.

The Tack had an exclusive interview with the teen superstar. “I’m super stoked to come to BVU. I hear Northwest Iowa is where the p o t a t o e s are the sweetest,” B i e b e r said.

He is, in fact, c o r r e c t . J u s t i n B i e b e r : Northwest Iowa will be anything you want it to be.

Volume 1 Issue 1April 1, 2012 AT-TACK!your news, delivered our way

Monster spotting! — On Monday, March 23, a creature believed to be the Lochness Monster was spotted in Storm Lake. Local community residents along with students are beginning to question just how safe the lake is that they have always been swimming in. Is it safe to swim in? Is it really a lochness monster? Read the full story on page 2 of AT-TACK!.

PHOTO BY MAKENSIE BROWN

The controversial decision has been made to turn White Residence Hall into a low-income apartment complex upon completion of renovation. The decision comes as a result of the effort to keep tuition costs down and generate extra revenue for the university.

Students will be allowed to live in Pierce Hall as they have been this past semester and in previous years. However, the doors to White Hall will remain locked, and apartment residents will be given a separate keycard that will not allow them access into any other building at any time. This will ensure the safety of students. On the other hand, students will not be allowed to enter White Hall unless accompanied by a tenant of the building who has given them permission.

Renters will be charged a monthly rate based on their income level and involvement in the Storm Lake community. The facilities will be catered toward seasonal workers, young adults, and the elderly with the layout of rooms tailored to each age group’s typical preferences. Renters will have the opportunity to choose between a furnished or unfurnished room.

The university hopes to continue this program for two years before reevaluating the plan for struggle spots and areas needing improvement. The university wants to make sure that while they are keeping costs down, students still get to utilize the building.

Therefore, an exception to building access will be made to students on Saturday nights. If booked in advance, students can use the brand new,

fully-equipped lounges in White Hall for birthday parties and special events. The only stipulation is that no alcohol must be present or fines will be given out.

The main goal of the apartments is to amply fill the newly renovated facility as well as raise extra money for the university to be used on future unnamed projects. Renting the building out initially is an effort to put off having to raise tuition for at least two years and possibly recruit prospective students in the future by offering a flexible and more adult atmosphere in which to live.

The university urges students to be accepting of the new policy and to keep in mind the long term benefits of this short-term arrangement. The apartments might not be forever, but the money raised will be contributed to projects that will last for decades. Support BVU’s future!

Shauna McKnightNews Co-Editor

White Hall converts tolow-income apartments

PHOTO COURTESY OF WIKIPEDIA

A new creature inhabits lake

JBiebs comes to BVUSadie QuistArts & Life Editor

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2 ATTACK! - News

An unknown creature was discovered in Storm Lake on Monday, March 26. The animal is believed to be a large reptile ranging from eight to twelve feet long and four to six feet wide. The discovery came after several recent mysterious disappearances of fisherman and tourists on the lake.

Storm Lake Director of Parks and Recreation Benjamin Richardson said the city is conducting a full investigation of the disappearances.

“We have scientists here from other universities using their equipment to find the reptile,” Richardson explained. “They are using the most advanced equipment in the field, which is more than we have available here to do any sort of investigation.”

The city hopes to capture the animal and do further studies to discover what species it is and how it made its way into the lake.

“We believe it is a reptile from the Cretaceous Period, just before most of the dinosaurs became extinct,” Richardson said. If this is the case, it could give scientists around the world a look inside the evolution of modern day fish, reptiles, and ultimately, humans. The find has scientists buzzing around the world.

“This is an extremely rare opportunity,” said the head of the scientific inquiry, Amy Hutchinson. “If we can catch whatever it is that’s swimming around in that lake alive, it could mean huge things for the scientific community on a global scale. It would give biologists the chance to study a real life piece of history in a way that’s never been done before in this part of the country especially.”

The find clearly has residents spooked. Recent declines in fishing and recreational activities have city officials

concerned about the coming tourist months. “Believe it or not, but the city of Storm Lake relies heavily

on tourism during the summer,” said Storm Lake Director of Tourism and Events Greg Ferguson. “People like going to Kings Pointe and utilizing the lake and RV Park during the warm months. If not many people come here, our parks lose money, and restaurants and small businesses all lose money as well. It could have devastating effects on our small community.”

Martha Johnson, a resident of Storm Lake, claims to have seen the animal. “It likes to come out in the mornings,” Johnson said. “I usually see it when I’m doing my morning jog around the lake. It only ever appears for a split second, and then it’s just gone. I’m terrified. I won’t let my children anywhere near the lake anymore.”

Scientists have not yet discovered the origin or the species of reptile that residents are claiming to see in the waters, but investigations will continue until the creature is captured or subdued.

“We don’t want any more disappearances,” Richardson said. “We need to make sure the lake is safe for residents and tourists before the summer season.”

Richardson believes that the lake will be safe to swim in before June hits and encourages residents to continue enjoying lakeside recreational activities.

Early on in the first semester at Buena Vista University (BVU), there was a debate between President Moore and the Board of Trustees. It is said the debate was over whether the construction of the Geodesic Dome that would help control climate and keep students comfortable should go on or not. Such a dome will be put into place to guard students from horrid weather across campus, barring out snow, wind, rain, and most importantly, sunlight. In October, administration was asked to keep the plan to construct the dome under wraps because news of it had not yet been released. The dome will be made out of a very thick, durable glass compound and metal supports. The cost is yet to be released or even determined, but the word “millions” has been whispered in committee meetings, so it might be on the expensive side.

With this past winter’s weather being some of the warmest we’ve had in a long time, there were some speculations as to whether the dome is needed or not. The weather was nice with very few severe weather threats.

The Board of Trustees, President Moore, and the President’s Council aim to please as many of the students as possible. The comfort of the students is considered to be most important to the experienced board.

“We want to go the extra mile to ensure that our students are comfortable,” said President Moore.

When asked why it was decided to proceed with the construction of the dome, Moore explained that the Pierce-White Residence Hall was already under construction. With the Weitz Corporation already here working on the hall renovations, it would be easy to get the headway started on the dome. The second reason to continue with construction is the funding. Bonds were issued in order to fund the dome and the interest rates are at a ‘historical low’. The final reason that now would be the perfect time to dome BVU is although this winter was warm, that doesn’t mean the winters down the road will be.

Though nothing has been started yet, the drawings are up and the verdict is in. Construction of the dome will start as soon as possible.

When the latest housing interest surveys came back, it was clear to the department of resident life and housing that things needed to be changed.

Starting in the fall of 2013, Buena Vista University (BVU) will become a completely dry campus. The results from the survey showed that alcohol was the number one cause of vandalism and disruptions across the BVU campus.

With the renovations that have taken place in the Pierce-White Residence Halls the university hopes to maintain their clean appearance and keep Pierce-White as a selling point for prospective students. They now feel the only logical way to take the vandalism rate down is by cutting alcohol out of the equation.

“With so much money being put into renovations on campus, it only makes sense to decrease potential vandalism by eliminating the most common cause of damage—alcohol,” Grand/Liberty Residence Hall Director Anjie Swidergal said.

“Alcohol use on campus is seven times the national average. Thus we need to remove all alcohol from campus to promote a safe and healthy environment throughout campus,” Swidergal said.

Campus officals also feel as if eliminating alcohol would cut costs across campus, eliminate damages, and make residents happier to live here in general.

Some students are in agreement with the decision while other students seem to be outraged with the thought.

“I think it’s a terrible choice to remove alcohol from the BVU campus,” sophomore

Dylan Waugh said. “Students are just going to party even harder next year and this year in response to the administration’s decision.”

It is too early to reveal the exact wording of the new campus ruling. The 2012 student handbook will have no wording changed quite yet, but by 2013 the

After reviewing housing survey data from Liberty Hall, it became clearer to Residence Life that changes could be made to help incoming students. After several meetings to discuss possibilities for different housing options, the Department of Residence Life and Housing has decided to turn the suites into freshman-only housing effective fall of 2013.

“For the past three years, Liberty’s wait list could comfortably fill the capacity of the suites. Based on this data, we know we have enough interest to go forth in this process,” Grand/Liberty Residence Hall Director Anjie Swidergal said.

Since the Buena Vista University (BVU) campus will also be turning into a dry campus as of fall 2013, it would be an even better time to convert the suites into a freshman facility at that time.

Converting the suites complex into a first-year area will also help to start developing—with a better outcome—smaller, closer communities among the freshman classes. “By changing the Suites complex into a first-year area, we can better develop

the freshmen class to deal with conflict and aid in university retention as a whole,” Swidergal said.

With the suites being made into freshman only housing, upperclassmen would be transferred over to other housing areas. Discussion has begun about possibly letting seniors live off-campus, but it does not currently seem like the change will happen.

“We’re getting screwed. We have put in our time at BVU and deserve to be able to live in the suites,” said junior Brian Smith. “I don’t think it fair to allow freshman to live in the suites and kickout the upperclassmen.”

“I believe it’s going to lead to disputes and even lead to a great amoutn of separation and animosity amongst BVU student classes.” Smith said.

Shauna McKnight News Co-Editor

Geodesic dome to be built at BVU?Sarah Koenen News Co-Editor

An aerial view — An aerial shot with the proposed Geodesic Dome has been taken to help the BVU campus understand just how the dome would look. President Moore hopes to begin construction of the dome once all other construction on campus has been completed.

PHOTO COURTESY OF RYAN HARDER

BVU to become dry campus in 2013

Sarah Koenen News Co-Editor

Suites to be converted to freshmen housing only

Sarah Koenen News Co-Editor

Loch Ness spotting scares lake goers

PHOTO BY MAKENSIE BROWN

PHOTO BY MAKENSIE BROWN

GRAPHIC BY KELSEY REITMEIER

Work will begin next week on vital renovations to the track at the J. Leslie Rollins Stadium on campus at Buena Vista University (BVU). The brand new field was installed this summer but already needs be re-laid after some careful calculations found that the current track is only 396 meters and not the 400 meters that the NCAA requires.

Opposing coaches knew something was amiss when the several national records fell at a recent home track meet. Student athletes are also affected by the error. “I’m not making it to nationals now! That means I can’t go to California, and I really want to go to California. Where are we going to practice now? Just run around the parking lot for days? No thanks,” sophomore 400 meter dash runner Abby Hesnard said.

The NCAA does not take these sorts of infractions lightly as the Beaver men’s basketball team found out just this week. The NCAA has told the university that they can either relay (no pun intended) the track or they cannot hold any NCAA sanctioned meets on campus. “This is certainly something that we aren’t used to, and when Wartburg’s Athletic Director complained to us, we didn’t take it too

seriously, but after Coe’s track coach came forward and reported the same thing, we knew something was up and we’d have to head out to Storm Lake and figure out what was going on,” NCAA director of compliance Kay Knight explained to the BVU community.

When questioned about why this oversight occurred, the blame has to lay at the feet of the company that installed the track, Track Marts. The companies’ CEO Steve Rents was defiant. “You know, we put in the track how it was ordered. Maybe it shrunk, or maybe they left it out in the sun too long. All I know is that my tracks are all 400 meters. However, I heard they need a new one, and I’d be happy to lay a new one for them. I’ll even give you Beavers a deal: 400 meters for the price of 398,” Rents said.

Where will our Beavers run, jump, and throw in the mean time? Some of the ideas about what to do include holding the 100m dash in the hallway of Pierce Hall, long jumping across a ditch next to a corn field, pole vault could occur on the south Forum lawn with the only height being the distance to the top of the

Forum, and the 4x400 will take place in the distance from campus to Malarky’s along the RIDES bus route.

“The track is going to be fixed, and our Beavers will go back to making the opposition eat our dust,” Hesnard said.

3ATTACK! - Sports

The Buena Vista University (BVU) men’s basketball team has been removed of all wins from the 2011-12 season due to non-compliance with NCAA regulation. The team was informed of this over the past weekend. The Beavers are removed of all 17 wins including the 11 conference wins which earned them second place in the IIAC regular season standings. The IIAC tournament title was also stripped from the team. The Beaver men, earning their first IIAC tournament title since the 2005-06 season, are now without a championship. The Coe Kohawks, runner up to the Beavers, are awarded the conference tournament title.

According to NCAA regulation 104-6 (b), teams are not allowed to have more than two coaches standing up on the floor simultaneously coaching their team for more than an average of

five minutes per game. After reviewing over two days’ worth of game footage, NCAA officials have decided that Head Coach Brian Van Haaften and Assistant Coach Eric Wiebers were standing up on the floor for five minutes twelve seconds on average over the course of the twenty-four game season. Despite multiple attempts to encourage the officials to budge on this stringent regulation, the coaches have given up their attempt to salvage the wins from the past season.

“These guys just don’t deserve this. They worked so hard all season. I’m at a loss for words right now,” said junior Troy Ticknor.

Ticknor was sadly sidelined this season with a torn ACL he suffered early in the season making this revelation all the harder on him.

AT-TACK! would like to congratulate the BVU men’s basketball team on their successful season despite this unfortunate ruling by the NCAA.

Terrible news was revealed to basketball enthusiasts everywhere earlier this week when NBA commissioner David Stern announced that at the end of the 2012 season, another lockout will begin. The news was slightly covered due to other “more important” developments on ESPN, such as the Final Four, ‘Boyfriend’ -J Bieb’s new song, and Tebow. The announcement was made by Stern at a press conference in New York. Many fans were shocked and frustrated about another year of no NBA basketball, or as the city of Cleveland calls it, just another regular year.

This lockout will be the 5th in NBA history and the first that is back-to-back with the previous season. The only possible “silver lining” of this news is that, with the announcement coming so early, the probability that a deal gets done by the time the season is ready to start on time next year is higher than last. The most shocking part of the announcement is that the deal that ended last year’s lockout was supposed to last until at least 2017. This is obviously not the case.

A simple breakdown of what is being disputed this time around might help explain things. Last year’s deal gave the players 51% of basketball revenues and the owner 49%. With the best players in the league realizing that their worth is far greater than 51%, many have reached

out in order to try and get more. The players now want at least 56% of the total revenue and a stricter, no opt-out trade clause. Also, players drafted want to make as much money as the rookies before them; with only 51% to work with, owners cannot pay the rookies as much as they could before. Lastly, with the city of Seattle vying for another chance at an NBA team, the revenue sharing would increase, therefore decreasing the shares of the rest of the teams in the basketball league.

Just as the playoff push had begun and March Madness was on its last weekend, heartbreak strikes. Only the fans of the Charlotte Bobcats can be in a state of celebration, but for NBA fans, the outlook is another summer of players making their own teams and no NBA on TNT for Thursday nights this coming fall.

As too many of us are aware, there were an immense amount of Cinderella stories and upsets causing bracket challenges in this year’s March Madness tournament. Although upsets are expected every year and almost required for an exciting month, the 2012 tournament has held too many of these “upsets.”

Because of the overload of big name schools losing to small no-name schools, the NCAA has announced that there will be a “do-over” of this year’s tournament. It will begin immediately in April and will be called “April Apprehension.” Also, because the fans enjoy the month of March so much every year, the NCAA has decided that it would be best for ratings and for “fairness” to redo the entire tournament so the proper teams will end up in the final four.

The NCAA realeased this statement: “The no-name players need to remain no-name players. We have realized that we must put the most importance on the big-name players and schools, and because of this we feel it is completely necessary, and will remain necessary, to continue having re-dos until the proper schools are winning and receiving proper praise from fans.”

The NCAA has also reported doing this because they are interested in the well-being of the fans. With a turn out like this year, almost everyone’s brackets were compromised because of the so-called “Cinderella stories.” In the NCAA, there is no room for equality. Those who are big names must remain big names. There is no need for small schools to be recognized by the NBA, which is the ultimate goal for the players at the larger schools. As a society, we must realize and accept that NBA entertainment and true talent comes from the D1 schools. Let’s focus our energy on making them look as talented as possible!

Beaver men forfeit wins from 2011-12 seasonGriffin HattenContributing Writer

NBA lockout reinstated

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Grady Gallagher Staff Writer

NCAA “Do-Over” Molly Pals Sports Co-Editor

GRAPHIC BY KELSEY REITMEIER

Once new brackets have been reissued, AT-TACK! will have a printable version available on their website at www.AT-TACK!.edu.

Any money won in current pools should be thrown back into the pot and then doubled to increase the odds of people wanting to participate.

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A disappointing season — (Left) Coach Van Haaften in his 16 years of coaching at BVU has never been cited for a violation of this sort. (Right) BVU takes on Washington U at the National Tournament before they knew of any violation.

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Measuring the distance isn’t as easy as it seemsRonald Forsell Co-Editor-in -Chief

4ATTACK! - Opinion

It has been rumored that Buena Vista University (BVU) is converting to an all-female college at the beginning of the fall semester of 2014. The assigned date is only two years away and much change is needed in order to make such a drastic adjustment. The vision of BVU

has shifted towards this unexpected alteration as the statistics show the number of males has declined greatly over the last eight years in admissions. The population of females entering

Buena Vista has greatly increased, leaving us with a ratio of one male for every eight females. Why does the changing population enrolled on campus automatically mean we have to have an only-female population?

I do not agree with the decision of BVU to transforming into a female campus. If such an event were to be passed and approved, I believe that there would be a significant amount of students transferring to other neighboring schools in attempt to boycott, show their anger, and express their discontent with the decision.

What exactly would this mean for our male athletic programs? Our male sports programs have succeeded in winning high titles, thus bringing attention and exposure to our small united campus.

In my opinion, having all females would bring more controversy and drama to living spaces and stir up the residence halls and suites. We are all adults here on this campus, but that does not mean that all who reside on this campus act like adults. If such an option were to be

implemented, BVU would also be taking a big risk with the number of applicants who may not come because of its change. Another uncertainty would be the number of females that would continue to study at BVU and whether females would even want to come here if there were no boys to chase.

Perhaps the biggest issue with the conversion is the number of angry people including males, their parents, and those who donate large sums of money to BV. If I were a male student who was told I had to leave the university I had chosen, I would not be a happy camper. BV provides us students with unique opportunities that we would not receive elsewhere.

Being denied the chance to take advantage of such resources sounds like discrimination to me. This type of decision affects many and needs to be carefully considered from all perspectives before committing to such a mammoth change that would alter BV’s fate.

Since its founding in 1891, Buena Vista University (BVU), formally known as Buena Vista College (BVC), has always had the name Buena Vista. When translated directly from Spanish to English, the name means “good view.” A good view of what is exactly is my query. This is why a committee has formed to potentially change the name of the university to something more appealing and that actually makes sense. To me, the name seems somewhat misleading, but that also does not mean I agree to change the name. Those on the committee to change the name seem to disagree with this view point. What reasons woud they have for changing the name?

If the name was truly changed, I think we would lose some history, and the positive associations that people make when thinking about coming to Buena Vista would also be lost. The new name would cause the logos to be redesigned and many of our sporting event cheers to be reworded. The name would take some getting used to, and who knows if Buford T. Beaver would still call BVU his home. I feel the atmosphere of our school pride would change and probably weaken during the transition of being a beaver to an unknown mascot. I say keep calling our place of education by its original title.

Why change the name of our prestigious university? The returning alums would be just as upset if not more that their alma mater still existed but under a new name, with only memories and pictures of the days when they too could yell “Buena Vista University” and have it be the truth. Those who help fund and or donate money to their alma mater would also be upset and distraught and could potentially stop their

generous donations. As mentioned earlier, BVU has already gone through one name change in 1995

from Buena Vista College to Buena Vista University. How many more modifications to the name do we need to encounter before the committee agrees on a single set-in-stone name?

If the name were changed, it would have to do battle with what BVU stands for and smoothly congeal with its image and symbolic representation. Think of the amount of advertising that is done in admissions alone where the name and logo are placed; they would all have to be removed and altered if the passing of a new name took place. The expense and man power to fully convert from one to another would be done at a hefty price at the expense of the university, so let’s not do it.

Buena Vista University (BVU) encourages diversity. That is why we offer study abroad opportunities, international student programs, and scholarships given out to diverse members on campus. Yet, there are rumors that BVU wants us all to be the same.

These rumors have been about our university requiring all students on campus to wear uniforms. Now, it is not apparent how long these rumors have been growing, but they have been at their height recently as everyone is looking to the upcoming new school year. Registering for classes and the impending doom draw have averted our eyes to Fall 2012. However, just because we look towards the “bright future,” why must the future always mean changes?

Changing the way students dress will not solve anything. Grades will not be any higher. There will not be any more involvement on campus than there is now. And it probably would not help our pocket books much.

There’s a lack of variety in school uniforms. I can’t imagine having to wear and see the same outfit every single minute I’m on campus until the day I graduate. This generation enjoys a wide range of styles, colors, and patterns in fashion. Students dress to impress. This would impair self-esteem if uniforms were to be instituted on campus. Individuality is valued at any American school or business.

I can imagine only a couple benefits of uniformed students. We would all look like the children in a French school much like the story of Madeline. You don’t see a nun leading BVU students around campus in double-file lines though. The new look would make us all look sophisticated to an extent, but is it worth it? Also, having uniforms would help in the amount of time it takes to choose an outfit in the morning. This time constraint is an issue because sometimes one can take hours if not days to choose an outfit, or at least according to some of my female friends.

A uniform requirement at BVU would only cause problems. All the clothes we have now would turn out to be a poor investment, and the uniforms might not accommodate individual needs.

“My clothing is a reflection of my life, and uniforms would take away my freedom of speech,” sophomore Gwendolyn Walton says. A collection of students might even have to take a class to just learn how to tie a tie. There is no reason to go through this hassle of incorporating a change to the system when we have been doing just fine.

What happens when we get out in the real world and we are expected to dress ourselves? This is what will happen: graduates will have to go out and seek fashion assistance. Valuable time will be wasted on contacting a professional dresser and going to be fashionably criticized. I do not know about you, but I do not plan on being on What not to Wear. If I am making my TLC debut, I better have my own show or be meeting Kate Gosselin.

Students, we need to refute this impending enforcement of a uniform requirement. Spread the news. Post it all over the web. I say we should soon choose a day this semester and make a statement about this issue. Diversity cannot and should not be shunned. Let’s make an effort to not damage our university’s image!

BVU can stuff their uniformsKevin Coriolan Opinion Co-Editor

All girls at BVU? No thanks!Erika Garcia Opinion Co-Editor

From BVC to BVU: Why make the change?Erika Garcia Opinion Co-Editor

GRAPHIC BY KELSEY REITMEIER

BVC BVUGRAPHIC BY KELSEY REITMEIER

Often, there is a discussion as to which major is the most useful from Buena Vista University (BVU). That debate is about to be settled.

The answer is that communications, no matter which branch, is the most useful major.

Our social skills are superior, we are extremely convincing, and we can make you think anything was your idea.

Better than BiologyCommunication beats biology because

in learning biology, a student is cooped up in a lab for the entirety of their college career. There is no time to do any sports, extra-curricular activities, or have social interaction. Think about it—how many biology majors do you chill with on the weekend?

Better than EducationThis is a little tougher. Education

majors teach. Communications majors need teachers to be as awesome as we are; I understand that. But teaching history, math, or anything of the like is pretty much my argument here. Where will you use any of these things? Why are you writing a lesson plan that will only work one time? Yeah, I don’t know either.

Better than BusinessBusiness majors have to wear suits for

the rest of their lives, must understand math, and must never smile or have any fun.

Better than HistoryHistory has already happened.

Better than MarketingWe are marketing in its purest form.

We market ourselves and anything else

we come across that we remotely take up a liking for. Because of our fantastic persuasion skills, we can pretty much out-market the marketer.

Better than MathSocial skills, people.

Better than PsychologyInstead of analyzing everything in a

conversation, we live in the moment. We take each thing as it comes. We won’t try to tell you what’s wrong with you, that you had a trauma as a child that made you the way you are, or that you should try some crazy tactic to relieve stress. We believe that chatting is simply that—just chatting.

Better than ArtArt students are fun, creative, and

love to stretch the limits. Communication students can really respect that about them. However, that is the extent of their limits. It takes an art student to understand another art student. That squeezes them into their own exclusive club.

Better than Computer Science010000100110010101100101001011

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0100000101101110011001000010000001100001011011000111001101101111001011100010111000101110

010000100110010101100101001011010100001001101111011011110010110101000010011011110111000000100000010000100100100101001110010000010101001001011001

*please note that this article does not really reflect the opinion of the author

Why the Communications major is better than yoursSadie Quist* Arts & Life Editor

All stories contained within this issue are completely false!Happy April Fools Day from The Tack!