Ann's Journal 1 type written page: Ann R. Smith SONG OF THE ...
Ann's Wings
-
Upload
jennifer-macaire -
Category
Documents
-
view
217 -
download
0
Transcript of Ann's Wings
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
1/8
Macaire
Jennifer Macaire
An Impossible Woman
It started as an itch in the middle of her shoulder blades. At first, Ann didnt pay
attention to the slight pain. It grew though, taking over her dreams and waking her up in the
middle of the night with a strange aching that encompassed her chest as well as her back,
making her feel terribly sad, for some reason. The feeling was not unlike keen sorrow, that
band of tightness that makes breathing an effort.
She went to see her doctor, and he tapped her chest and back, peered into her open
mouth and shined a pinpoint of light into her eyes. He raised his eyebrows when she
described her symptoms. Then he prescribed a light tranquilizer, patted her on the shoulder,
and called to his nurse to show her out.
Ann thought that he has been kind, polite, and unconcerned. She understood that he
had seen nothing wrong with her so she assumed that she was fine, simply a little nervous.
Perhaps it was because her divorce was so recent, and she missed her stepchildren with an
intensity that overwhelmed her. Her husband had been married before. Twice before. She
should have known. As Wife Number Three she had inherited two adorable stepchildren from
a previous marriage, and her husbands compulsive dishonesty. The marriage only lasted two
years, long enough for him to undermine totally her opinion of the male sex. Then hed left,
taking the children, moving back to Germany.
Was it because he was foreign she had married him so quickly? More likely, it had
been the surprising combination of blond hair and dark, penetrating eyes. He had the quick,
easy smile of a youth, and the serious gaze of a man. The steady stare was a sham. She had
1
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
2/8
Macaire
found that out soon enough. However, the two children had enchanted her. Their names were
Daren and Mandy. They had been left with their father after their mother, absent minded,
stepped in front of a tramway in Italy.
Nothing is perfect, thought Ann, as she wrote long letters to the children and sent them
hand-knitted sweaters and mittens. She pictured Germany as being perpetually cold, locked in
ice, as her husbands heart had been. She worried constantly about Mandys health, and
Darens nightmares. They never answered her letters; they were too young to write properly.
She woke up sometime before dawn. The sky was still dark but it had that thin look
about it that meant daybreak was not far. She didnt know what had woken her until the itch
reminded her. That prickling! It had grown from a tingle, like the whisper of a feather across
her skin, to an insistent itching. She tried to scratch herself, but of course, it was right in the
spot she couldnt reach.
The next day her back ached and she felt definite knobs on her shoulder blades. It was
very curious. Her skin felt tender around them, like a tooth growing.
She went back to her doctor and he prodded and frowned, and told her to get some rest
and see a chiropractor if the pain continued. He didnt notice any lumps.
On Saturday, Ann woke up with wings.
It was quite amazing, actually. She woke up and felt heaviness behind her, as if her
shoulder blades had become leaden. No, not that heavy, but more solid. She reached
backwards, sleepily, and touchedfeathers?
That woke her up. She bounded out of bed and looked. She couldnt believe it. She
had wings, big, shimmery, silvery wings.
They were as obedient as her arms. It was as if shed always had them. She could fold
them, stretch them out effortlessly. The first time shed unfolded them it felt painful, like legs
2
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
3/8
Macaire
that had been bent too long. She knocked over a lamp because they were much bigger than
she thought. The feathers were soft and smelled faintly of roses, but why this was she couldnt
imagine.
She was terrified and exhilarated. She was torn between wanting to scream and
wanting to sing. She hoped it was all a dream and she hoped she would never wake up. In the
garden, in the shadow of the maple trees, she practiced gliding. She couldnt wait to fly, but
she was mortally afraid someone would see, so she only went out after it was dark. She didnt
eat all day, she had no hunger, only that intense feeling of excitement rushing through her
veins. Her hands were drawn to her wings and she stroked the feathers, drawing them around
her like a cloak of swans down.
That night, since she had no fear of heights, she flew high into the air and circled the
sleeping countryside as silently as an owl.
The desire to tell someone about her wings was so overpowering that before she
realized it she had dialed her mothers phone number. After fifteen rings or so, her mother
answered in her hesitant voice.
Mother? Its me, Ann.
Darling! How sweet of you to call. I missed your visit last week.
I was there mother, dont you remember?
Oh yes. And the children, how are they? Have they grown? I do want to see them
before theyre all grown.
Theyve gone back to Germany with their father. There was a minute of silence,
then she added, I told you, remember? Last week.
Yes, but have they grown? Anns mother sounded querulous.
Of course they have. Is Mrs. Baker with you? Ann asked.
3
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
4/8
Macaire
She went out to get the groceries dear. Shell be back in a tick. Do you want to leave
a message? Whom shall I say is calling?
Its Ann, mother. Anns hand fluttered helplessly in the air as she stared bleakly at a
photograph of her mother and her hanging on the wall. I wanted to tell you something,
something incredible.
Oh yes, please do! I love incredible stories!
Ive grown wings mother, beautiful wings to fly with. If you want I can come over, in
the evening, and Ill show you.
Oh Ann! Oh Ann, how wonderful! her mothers voice was vibrant. I always
dreamed of having wings. I flew in my dreams. I would fly forever. Sometimes, when you
were a little girl, I would tell you stories about all the places I visited in my dreams. I made
them into bedtime stories. Do you remember darling?
Ann nodded silently, tears glittering in her lashes.
I know you remember. How wonderful. She sighed and there was a deep silence
between the two women. Oh Ann, Im so happy for you. Now you can go wherever you
please. Do you remember the land of pillows? I used to save that story for last and then Id lift
you up, plop you down on your pillows and bounce you gently for a while. You would fall
asleep with the sweetest smile on your face. You were such a precious little girl. Her voice
caught in her throat. Why do children grow up? I loved you so much. I still love you, but its
never the same. You dont need me anymore. You had such little hands and feet. You listened
to my stories with such a rapt expression on your face. She clicked her tongue. Oh well, the
wheel does turn. Here comes Mrs. Baker, and without a good-bye, she hung up.
Ann stared at the telephone in her hand. Then slowly she replaced the receiver. There
was a queer buzzing in her ears, and her head felt as if it were about to float off her shoulders.
4
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
5/8
Macaire
She sat down on her couch and thought. She reflected on all the different choices that she had
suddenly, now that she had wings.
If the FBI or the CIA got a hold of her, she would spend the rest of her life as a
classified top secret. Caged and chained in the basement of some government building while
scientists spent hours trying to find ways of growing wings themselves or how to use her as a
weapon. If the church got hold of her, she would become a symbol, an avatar, and a powerful
tool for whoever wanted to forward their own religion. If tabloids got wind of her, shed
spend the rest of her life as the cover of some scandal paper, right alongside the headless dog
and the ghost of Elvis.
That night she made a small belt for herself, tucking in its pocket the necklace and
rings her mother had given her, her grandmothers lace wedding veil, and some tissues. She
still had no need of food; the very thought of eating made her nauseous. She did feel thirst,
and she drank some bottled water. The tap water was suddenly too acrid for her. When she
held the glass up to the light, she saw that her hands were nearly as transparent as the glass
and faintly opalescent.
She left a note on her door, saying that she was going on an extended trip to Europe,
and that anyone who was cold, hungry, or simply wanted a stereo or television set, was
welcome to come in and help themselves. Before she flew away, she picked a small, white
rose from her garden. Mandy had helped her plant the rosebush, but shed left before it had
flowered.
She flew to Germany. Crossing the Atlantic was not as fearsome as she had thought it
would be. The cold didnt bother her, or the rare air at high altitude. She flew with the jet
stream, streaking over the dark water through the night, arriving in Germany just as the dawn
was coloring the sky pink.
5
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
6/8
Macaire
She had her husbands address, and she had torn out a page from her atlas. She flew
over Germany, holding the paper in front of her, swooping low to check signposts when there
was no one in sight.
He lived in a small town near the coast. That made it easy for her. She followed the
long, gray beaches and dunes until she arrived at the village. She landed and folded her wings
behind her, covering them with a pale blue cloak shed carried with her. Then she walked
around, admiring the quaint town. The houses had thatched roofs and neat gardens. There was
a faint sprinkling of April snow on the ground in the shade, and in the sun, crocuses had
pushed their yellow and purple heads out to check on spring. The streets were very clean and
the hedges all clipped. Her husband had a house on the very end of a quiet street. As she
watched, a woman came out of the house and shook a rug out. He had gone back to live with
his parents hed told her, but she very much doubted his mother was so young. Mandy,
Daren, hurry up, youll be late for school! she called back into the doorway.
Ann held her breath. The children trotted obediently out of the house. They paused to
give the woman a peck on the cheek. Then they made their way down the sidewalk, wearing
their backpacks. Mandy was wearing the cap Ann had knitted for her.
Hello my dears, said Ann, stepping out from behind the tree.
Oh! Ann! they both cried and flung themselves into her open arms. We missed you
so much. Thank you for the letters and the clothes. Papa said you wouldnt come, but I knew
you would, said Mandy, reaching up and stroking her cheek. You look prettier than ever.
Heres a rose, I picked it for you. And heres a little shell for you, Daren. Ann
blinked back tears, but they slid down her cheek anyway, falling with little tinkling sounds on
the ground.
6
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
7/8
Macaire
Look, youre crying diamonds, said Mandy in awe. She crouched and picked up a
sparkling stone. Its lovely, she said softly. Why are you here? Did you miss us? she
added.
I missed you dreadfully. I simply had to come and see you. I wanted to know if you
were happy, if you had new friends, if you loved your new home.
Were happy, Daren said. We go to the beach when the weather is nice. Were
learning German, and our teacher is very patient. Papa has a new wife, he said, opening his
eyes wide all of a sudden. He looked like a little owl and Ann laughed.
Is she kind?
Not as kind as you, but shes very nice. She keeps telling us that shes trying hard,
said Mandy. She shrugged, then peered closer at Ann. Whats that behind you, under your
cape?
Wings, said Ann. I had to grow them before I could come see you.
Ohh, Ann, they are so bee-you-tee-full! exclaimed Mandy. I always knew you were
an angel, she added.
Daren nodded, eyes still wide. Can you really fly? he asked.
Ill show you, Ann said. They walked together to the cliffs near the ocean and Ann
took off her cloak and soared into the air. The wind lifted her up and she was buoyed upon the
air currents, her wings outstretched, floating above the children in a nimbus of light. She flew
in a circle above them, then landed lightly on the grass. She laughed, pure joy in her voice. I
can come and see you whenever you wish, she told them.
Were so glad, said Mandy. Were really glad, but we must go to school now, if
were late well be punished.
I know. Ill let you go. Give me one more hug, each of you. If you ever need anything
just write. Here is my new address. Dont ever tell anybody about my wings. All right? She
7
-
8/14/2019 Ann's Wings
8/8
Macaire
gave them each a card, with a new address printed upon it. The children took them and put
them carefully into their backpacks.
I wont lose it, said Daren, and Ill write, as soon as I learn how.
I can write a little now, said Mandy.
Goodbye, goodbye, called Ann. She felt the wind, like an irresistible current, pulling
at her. She opened her wings and soared away. The children watched, looking upwards until
she was lost in the vastness of the sky over the ocean.
The next day Mandy and Daren were surprised to see their father coming home from
work early. He told them to sit down and with a tragic expression on his face, told them that
Anns house had burned down and that apparently she had perished in the fire. After the initial
shock had worn off Mandy said, but papa, shes not dead. Shes an angel.
Daren nodded furiously. Shes a beautiful angel papa, you should see her; she has
wings now, huge, silver wings. She can fly. And her tears are diamonds, show him Mandy.
Mandy frowned at him and shook her head suddenly, sharply. Daren made his owl face
again, and his mouth snapped shut. Their father hugged them, looking over their heads
towards Inga, his new wife. What a beautiful thought, she said, but he frowned.
Who told them about angels? he asked angrily. I certainly never did. I told Ann I
wanted my children to be raised atheists.
She must have been lovely, to inspire such remarks from the children, said Inga.
She was an impossible woman. Thats why I left her, he said.
8