ANE & K ENDALL COUNTIES€¦ · Weekly & Contractor Rates available Reser ve TODAY 10% OFF Driveway...

May 15, 2019 Volume 13, Issue 17

Amusing Stories • Jokes • Puzzles • TriviaCommunity Events and Coupons

Distribution on the 1st & 3rd Wednesday of each monthFor Advertising: Michelle Brokop (815)751-1286 Email: [email protected]

If you are age 7 - 107. . . Enjoy Your FREE Copy Of The Orange Peel Gazette

FREETAKE ONE

KANE & KENDALL COUNTIESOORANGERANGE PPEELEEL GGAZETTEAZETTE

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In the Supermarket The new supermarket near our

house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cowsmooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear henscluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasingaroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of freshbuttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

A box with no hinges, latch, or lid. Inside a golden treasure is hid.What am I?

Answer on page 13

““TThhee HHootttteesstt LL ii tt tt llee PPaappeerr IInn TToowwnn””

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE... WWW.ORANGEPEELGAZETTEKANECO.COM • PAGE 2

►Coupons►Jokes►Community events

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Back to SchoolAfter raising 4 kids, and losing my husband, I decided to return to

college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so,on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than alittle nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40years, a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading fivebooks over the course of the semester, and that he would provide uswith a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began"Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt atap on my shoulder.

The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just takingattendance!"

French Dream A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really

beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French." The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher,

teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking inFrench!"

"Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand

them."

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Hearing Aid My wife and I laughed when John, a neighbor,

told us how his hearing aid occasionally emits a high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone nearhim. His granddaughter was sitting on his lap one daywhen the device started to beep.

Surprised, the granddaughter looked up at him andsaid, "Oh, Grampa, you've got e-mail!"

Life Insurance Mary was discussing the various aspects and

possible outcome of the insurance policy with the clerk at the Insurance Agency. During the discussion,she asked. "Suppose I take the life insurance for my husband today for a million dollars, and tomorrow hedies? What will I get?"

The clerk eyed her suspiciously and replied,"Probably a life sentence."

New Father The first-time father, beside himself with

excitement over the birth of his son, was determinedto do everything right. "So, tell me, Nurse," he asked as his new family

headed out the hospital door, "what time should wewake the little guy in the morning?"

189 Pieces A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order

as a birthday present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces. The instructions said that itcould be put together in an hour. However it took theold man two days to assemble the toy. Finally, when itwas all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189pieces and mailed it off to the company.

Good Manners The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that

when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand infront of your mouth."

"Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can Icatch my teeth???"

I DON’Tneed an

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESLike us on Facebook for past issues & more fun stories...OrangePeelGazetteKaneCo • PAGE 4


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Car Sale Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of

problems selling it because the car had 250,000 mileson the odometer.

One day, she told her problem to a friend sheworked with at a salon. Her friend told her, "There is apossibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's notlegal."

"That doesn't matter," replied Judi, "I really need tosell the car."

"Okay," said Judi's friend. "Here is the address of afriend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him Isent you and he will turn the odometer in your carback to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problemto sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, Judi made the trip to themechanic. Two weeks later the friend asked Judi, "Didyou sell your car?"

"No," replied Judi, "why should I? It only has50,000 miles on it!"

Do bees fly in the rain? Not without their yellow jackets.

Small Town You Know You Live in a Small Town When... •The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a farmer's tractor. •Third Street is on the edge of town. •You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the cafe, and when you go back the next day, it's still there, on the same chair. •You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going anyway. •No social events can be scheduled when the school gym floor is being varnished. •Everyone knows all the news before it's published; residents read the hometown paper just to see whether the publisher got it right.

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Old Ammunition A couple came to the police department, wanting to

dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and said that it contained twoshells an uncle had given them as souvenirs fromWorld War II.

"We didn't know what to do with them," the womanexplained. "So all these years, we've kept the shells inthe bottom drawer of the china cabinet, away from ourchildren."

The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of theammunition safely. But when he took one out of thebox the top came off, revealing a strange black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removedthe top of the other shell and found a hard white substance.

There was no doubt about it. They were souvenirsalt and pepper shakers.

On the Tarmac..... One night at McChord Air Force Base, I was

dispatched to check out the security fence where analarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of thebase runway. When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flappedmy arms to scare the animal away.

Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over thepublic-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. Youare cleared for takeoff."

What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.

The Orange Peel Gazette is distributed by over 400 businesses throughoutKane & Kendall Counties including various...

Getting a Passport Before she died, an elderly lady wanted to visit England,

the home of her ancestors. She went to the Federal Office andasked for a passport.

"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerksaid. "Raise your right hand, please." The senior citizen raisedher right hand as the clerk asked, "Do you swear to defend theConstitution of the United States against all enemies, domesticor foreign?"

The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, "Well, I guess so, but ... will I have help, or will Ihave to do it all by myself?"


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On Time The passengers were leaving the plane after

landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger paused tocongratulate the flight attendant.

"Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often thatan airline gets to where it's going exactly when theyclaim it will. I'm going to call your home office and letthem know how pleased I am."

"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered,"but I think you should know something ... this is yesterday's flight."

Organized? My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had

procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for along time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felta lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon shephoned, sounding glum.

"I went to the bookstore," she explained. "And Ibought a book on how to get organized. I was all firedup, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the samedarn book. I had bought it a couple of years ago."

Oops! Astronomers were excited this week at having

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Parking Confusion After driving up and down several lanes, I finally

found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction,and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you goingto park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. Firsthe shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at theparking space and then at himself, his watch and themall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over tothe driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universalsign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for mywife.'"

Physics Class As a premed student at Washington University in St.

Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One dayour professor was discussing a particularly complicatedconcept. A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why dowe have to learn this stuff?"

"To save lives." the professor responded quickly andcontinued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up

again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical

school," replied the professor.

Piano Tuner It seems that every time Jim, our piano tuner,

comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too longbetween tunings. I agree with him that it should bedone every six months, but I don't really think about ituntil the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over,I was on the defensive.

"If you would send out a postcard reminder like thedentist," I declared, "I would make sure to call you foran appointment in a timely fashion."

Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, whenthe dentist sends you a postcard, call me."


ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - KANE & NORTHERN KENDALL COUNTIESCONNECTING CUSTOMERS AND BUSINESSES. . .THAT’S WHAT WE DO BEST! • PAGE 9

**ALL PRICES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE DUE TO IN STOCK INVENTORY**

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1011 Hartman Trail • Sandwichnear Sandwich Fairgrounds

Plane Reservations Recently, I called to make

reservations on a small charter planethat departs from our equally small airport.

I knew that I would be flying in avery small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "Theplane is very full with baggage andpassengers."

Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"

Not thinking clearly I answered,"With or without clothes?"

"Well," said the clerk, "how do youintend to travel?"

Pirates Two pirates are talking. One has a

wooden leg, a hook, and an eye patch. How'd you get that wooden leg,

mate? Ay, it got bit off by a varmit shark. How'd you get that metal hook? Lost 'er in a sword fight . . . guy cut

off me bloody hand. How'd you get that eye patch? Well, I was up in the crows nest and

I looked up to spy this seagull. Thedang thing got me right in the eye!

Well, how'd THAT make you blind? Arr, it was the first day I had me

hook!

Paint Store After an hour of "Just a little more

white, two squirts of blue, a dash ofblack, perhaps a tad more white," thepaint- store clerk got my gallon to theexact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.

"Now what do I do if I need morepaint?" I asked.

"Don't come back here," he begged.


Opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants To Be A Zillionaire?


The General Knowledge Quiz 10

For Sale! ONE OF 3 EVER MADE! A rare Victorian Era, 1902, STEINWAY B. Big Parlor Grand Piano.

Appraised in 1994 for $100,000. A beautiful mahogany classic. Privately owned & located in a DeKalb residence. The others are in the Chicago and Washington D.C. areas,

and understood to not be for sale. Complete specifications, pictures, professional

statement of condition, etc., are available from: Richard H. “Dick” Crosby of Rockford. Sold AS IS-WHERE IS! Inspection by appointment only. PLEASE! Serious inquirys only!

email: [email protected] Spread the Word!

$712,000 Question...(Mohs scale) diamond is hardest; what's the softest?A) Rubber B) SaltC) Calcium D) Talc $713,000 Question...Which country do Sinologists study?A) Russia B) ChinaC) Australia D) South Africa$714,000 Question...What should you see in a Hippodrome?A) hippos B) cattleC) horses D) camels$715,000 Question...The Aescapalious emblem staff snake stood for the Greek Roman god of what?A) Medicine B) FireC) Thunder D) War$716,000 Question...What is the largest state in the USA? A) California B) TexasC) Florida D) Alaska$717,000 Question...Alan Stuart Konigsberg is better know as...?A) Prince Philip B) King Henry IC) John Wayne D) Woody Allen$718,000 Question...Clyde Tonbaugh discovered what planet in 1930?A) Pluto B) MarsC) Venus D) Mercury$719,000 Question...Benjamin Kubelsky was famous as what comedian?A) Chevy Chase B) Carrot TopC) Jack Benny D) Jerry Seinfeld

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $712 - D; $713 - B; $714 - C; $715 - A; $716 - D; $717 - D; $718 - A; $719 - C.

Plenty Cryptic After All A minor e-mail virus infestation hits the group that

this network technician is responsible for, and aftercleaning up the mess he decides it's time for new passwords all around, just to be safe.

Most of the group works in the same location, so hejust takes a walk around the office, whispering the newpassword to each user.

But one woman is at a remote site. The tech can'treach her by phone, and he's leery of sending her newpassword in unencrypted e-mail.

Finally, he hits on an idea. He begins the e-mailmessage by explaining the password change.

Then he writes: "And your new password is: (thelast name of our intern from that hot country) followedby the digits of (the number of points our basketballteam scored in our last game)."

Very clever, he figures -- it's information only someone in the group would know. Until he gets a reply message from the user: "I tried

the password, but it didn't work. Could you set it tosomething not so long and hard to type? And are thoseparentheses important?"

Police House Calls My partner and I were in our police car when we

were dispatched to break up a domestic dispute. Wespoke with the couple and the problem was quickly resolved.

On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship oftheir turn-of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was the front door.

Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment when I heard my partner say.... "If youhave any more problems, we'll be in your closet."

Pet Gift In an upscale pet-supply store, a customer wanted to

buy a red sweater for her dog. The clerk suggested thatshe bring her dog in for a proper fit.

"I can't do that!" the lady said. "The sweater is a surprise!"



Kane County 4-H FOuNDATION 2019 PORK CHOP DINNeR & AuCTION

A special thank you to our sponsors and donors for the silent and live auction for the 2019 Kane County 4-H Foundation Pork Chop Dinner Fundraiser:

THANK YOu!

The continued success of this fundraiser would not have been possible without each of you!

A Bit More 4-H Club • Alexa’s Sweets and Treats • Ann Rempfer Batavia Chamber of Commerce • Big Rock Cowhands • Bob Farley

Bunkers & Boots 4-H Club • Burlington Ag 4-H Club • C & C Mulch and More Casey’s General Stores • Chicago White Sox • CHS Elburn • Colonial Cafe Compeer Financial • Conserv FS • Craig Baumgartner & Andrea Bornemann Culligan Water • Culvers • Dave & Judy Klussendorf • DeKane Equipment Dumoulin Farms • Dunteman Ag Partners • Eddie Gaedel Pub & Grill

Edible Arrangements • Elaine Bond • Eldon Gould • Empire Accounting Fantastics 4-H Club • Farm & Fleet • Forest Preserve District of Kane County Funway Entertainment • Galena Garlic • Geneva Commons •Gertie CucciaGerald & Mary Jo Murphy • Goebbert’s Pumpkin Patch • Golden Corral

Gould Family Farms • Hill’s Country Store• Hilti Inc • James & Helen FeuerbornJeff & Kay Bornemann • Jersey Mike’s • Kane County 4-H Ambassadors

Kane County Corn Growers • Kane County Cougars • Kane County Farm Bureau KCA HCE Board • KCA HCE Plato Center Unit • Kernels

Klinkey Heating & Sheet Metal • Kuipers Family Farm • LG Seed, Ray Feldott Lincoln Highway 4-H Club • Lowes • Lucky Maples 4-H Club

Mary & Charles Coffey Family • Mary Ebert • Master Naturalists, Sue Styer Mighty Titans 4-H Club • Mike Kenyon • Nancy Haire • Nick’s Pizza & Pub

Noa & Ely Greenfeld • Nothing Bundt Cakes Northwestern Medicine Delnor Health & Fitness Center • Nutech Seed, Randy Pauli Old Second Bank • Paisanos Pizza • Pattie Haire • Primrose Clovers 4-H Club

Ray Schrieber Disposal Co • Richard Feuerborn • Rosalie McCafferty RWA Exhibit Table Rental & Nostalgic Signs, Rob & Sue Doherty

Sandman Insurance and Harvest Risk Management • Steve & Janice Kante The Challengers 4-H Club • The DeLong Co, INC • The Olive Mill • The Village Squire Trellis Farm & Garden • Wayne Schneider • Wincup • Wyffels Hybrids, Jeff Craig

We also owe a HUGE THANKS to those that helped out the evening of the dinner!Elburn Lions Club for Cooking the Pork Chops, Andrew Almburg for Auctioneering & Stephen Haas

for Master of Ceremony. U of I Extension Staff Members, Kane County 4-H Foundation Board Members, Kane County 4-H Clubs (members, parents & leaders), 4-H Ambassadors, Kane County

Master Gardeners, Kane County HCE and Blue Ribbon Sale Committee Members

111 N. Main Street

Federally Licensed Firearm Dealer • Transfers with Ease

We Buy & Sell FirearmsSafe • Discreet • Convenient • Fair

Free Appraisals

Route 47 • elburn • www.kanecountycoins.com

Kane County Coins

630-365-9700630-365-9700Inherited an old gun &

not sure what to do with it . . Let Us Help!

Taco Bar

AvailableFull ServiceFood TruckAvailable

PIG ROAST & BBQ CATERING630-276-3725630-276-3725

Puerco RostizadoPara todo eventos social

10 Things Your Mom Never Told You1. You made her cry...a lot.

2. She wanted that last piece of pie.3. It hurt.

4. She was always afraid.5. She knows she’s not perfect.6. She watched you as you slept.

7. She carried you a lot longer than nine months.8. It broke her heart every time you cried.

9. She put you first.10. She would do it all again.

Thoughts for the Day

• Failure is not an option.It comes bundled with the software.

- - - - - • A journey of a thousand miles begins

with a cash advance.

Department of Agriculture Representative An arrogant Department of Agriculture (DOA)

representative stopped at a farm and talked with the oldfarmer. "I need to inspect your farm."

The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."The Agricultural representative said in a wise tone,

"I have the authority of the U.S. Government with me.See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish onagricultural land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the

DOA rep running for the fence, and close behind wasthe farmer's prize bull.

The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets andwas gaining at every step.

The old farmer called out: "Show him your card!"

Marie DeMaria, Real Estate Broker1772 S. Randall Rd • Ste 100 • Geneva, IL

630-567-3300

I get the job done!

EXCELS

“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no ageand dreams are forever”

walt disney



WE’REHIRINGSchaumburg, IL1025 National Parkway, Schaumburg, IL 60173

Cintas Corporation is an EEO/Affirmative Action Employer and will make all employment-related decisions without regard to race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, disability or protected veteran status.

careers.cintas.com

#cintascareers

• Competitive pay• 401(k), profit sharing and employee stock ownership• Comprehensive benefits (medical, dental, vision)

• Limitless opportunities

Production & Service Positions

Want to appear in the next issue of the

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTECall Today! (815)751-1286

Old Geezer - Qualifying Exam 1. In the 1940's, where were automobile headlight dimmer switches located? a. On the floor shift knob b. On the floor board, to the left of the clutch c. Next to the horn

2. The bottle top of a Royal Crown Cola bottle hadholes in it. For what was it used? a. Capture lightning bugs b. To sprinkle clothes before ironing c. Large salt shaker

3. Why was having milk delivered a problem in northern winters? a. Cows got cold and wouldn't produce milk b. Ice on highways forced delivery by dog sled c. Milkmen left deliveries outside of front doors andmilk would freeze, expanding and pushing up the cardboard bottle top.

4. What was the popular chewing gum named for agame of chance? a. Blackjack b. Gin c. Craps!

5. What method did women use to look as if they werewearing stockings when none were available due to rationing during W.W.II? a. Suntan b. Leg painting c. Wearing slacks

6. What postwar car turned automotive design on itsear when you couldn't tell whether it was coming orgoing? a. Studebaker b. Nash Metro c. Tucker

7. Which was a popular candy when you were a kid? a. Strips of dried peanut butter b. Chocolate licorice bars c. Wax coke shaped bottles with colored sugar waterinside

8. How was Butch Wax used? a. To stiffen a flat-top haircut so it stood up b. To make floors shiny and prevent scuffing c. On the wheels of roller skates to prevent rust

9. Before in-line skates, how did you keep your rollerskates attached to your shoes? a. With clamps, tightened by a skate key b. Woven straps that crossed the foot c. Long pieces of twine

10. As a kid, what was considered the best way toreach a decision? a. Consider all the facts b. Ask Mom c. Eeny-meeny-miney-mo

(815) 827-3051

210 MAIN STREET • MAPLE PARK

PEG’S ON MAIN

~ Visit our Gift Shop ~for Cards, Home Decor & Gifts Galore

Summer is a great time for a new look!

Full Service Hair Salon for Men & Woman

Color - Cuts - Perms - Gift Shop



Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable. Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous stories and

jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only andare not meant to disrespect or harm any group or individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange Peel Gazette for products or services offered.

PINBALL MACHINESCOIN OPERATEDARCADE GAMESDART MACHINES

IN HOME REPAIRSBUY & SELL

HOME AMUSEMENTS(630)742-2472 35 Unique Shops

Under One RoofHOURS: Tues - Sat 10-5Thurs 10-8, Sunday 11-5

701 N. State St. (Rt 31) Elgin, IL 60123

1 mile S. of I-90 (847)695-3066www.StateStreetMarketShops.com

Enjoy the day at theLARGEST

GIFT & ANTIQUEShop in The Fox Valley

• 40 Years Experience• Electrical Repair or Replacement• Mechanical Repair• Fabrication and Welding• Custom Wood Working

CLASSIC AUTOMOBILE RESTORATION

663300--880022--88771144www.jeffbakerrestoration.com

Matt Gavin16119 Chicago Road Sandwich, IL 60548

Phone (815) 786-2242Cel (815) 405-9988Fax (815) 786-2296

Gavin Woodworking, Inc.Furniture Refinishing - Repairing

Special Wood Products - Chair CaningGeneral Machining - General Painting

Welcome Home provides people who have moved with useful community information and FREE gifts from localmerchants: all to help you become familiar with the area.

Call or Text For a Visit -Batavia • North Aurora • Batavia/Mill Creek

Jennifer Zack • 630-229-2001

Moved Recently?We would enjoy meeting you!

- www.welcomehomebatavia.com -

ANSWERS to Old Geezer Test: 1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls, popular in Europe, took till the late '60s tocatch on. 2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had asteam iron? 3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top. 4. a) Blackjack Gum. 5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a seam down the back of the leg with eyebrowpencil. 6. a) 1946 Studebaker. 7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet coloredwater. 8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut. 9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which youwore on a shoestring around your neck. 10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.

Do You Realize... A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington,

D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen,I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would youwatch my car while I run into this store?"

"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I ama member of the United States Congress?"

"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Butit's all right. I'll trust you anyway."

DC Cabs Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington

DC knows they're some of the world's most brazendrivers. Oddly enough though, their current accidentrate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that.

"Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are deadnow."

Answer to front cover riddle: An Egg

Window Glass - Plastic Sheets - ScreensAluminum Store Fronts & DoorsDefective & Broken Insulated

Glass ReplacementMirrors Made To Order - Table Tops

939 Montgomery Ave • Aurora630-801-1230 • www.mrtouchofglass.com

Licensed - Insured Bonded

10% Offwith this original coupon. Must mentioncoupon before ordering. Not valid with

other offers. No copies or internet reprints. Expires 6/30/19

MaterialOnly


Hetts Auto SalesLooking for a quality usedvehicle? All our vehicles aresafety inspected, have a

carfax report and many arepriced in the

$3000 - $9000 range. View our inventory at

www.hettsautosales.comHetts Auto Sales is locatedin downtown Oswego by theR/R tracks, “Our mission isto give you a pleasurablebuying experience” and remember owner, Ed and son, Matt are your friends

in the car business.Hetts Auto Sales

69 W. Washington St. (Rt 34)Oswego, IL 60543

630-554-9339www.hettsautosales.com

CASH PAIDWWII, WWI

Military uniforms,photos, weapons, medals,patches, helmets, posters,souvenirs, & older firearms.

630-215-3664

Garage Doors by CurtSales and ServiceWe Sell CHI DoorsLift Master Openers

(630)276-3453

BUYING

AUTOMOTIVEThe Right Guy

Carpet Cleaning, IncCertified Cleaning for Carpet

Tile/Grout, Area Rugs, Upholstery, RV’s

Residential/Business/Rentalswww.TRGCarpetCleaning.comFor Reviews & Pics • 19yrs Exp.630-264-4369 Free Estimates

CARPET CLEANING

GARAGE DOORS

EGGS FOR SALE

AL’S ELECTRIC(Semi Retired, but not Tired)

Licensed • 45 yrs ExpJust Call Al (630)514-6569

ELECTRICAL

Ed & Judie’s Chicken EggFarm: Self Service6S260 Hankes Rd

Aurora (630)907-0775

$125 Mixed Face Cord$150 Oak Face CordFree Delivery/Stacked630-907-0775 Ed

FIREWOOD

ASPHALT


HANDYMAN-NAILS-ITHome Improve/Rpr/Mainthandyman-nails-it.com

(630) 360-3039

Glass Repair & ReplacementBroken window/door Repair

224-228-1000Classic Glass and Glazing

GLASS REPAIR

Gary’s Painting & Handyman (630)409-1701$25/hour local

$27/hour long distance

HANDYMAN

HOME TYPISTS NEEDEDTyping court transcripts from recorded audio.

35 pgs./day min., paid/pageMSWord/WP, no data entry

RECORDING REPORTERSPersons to record Hearings/Depositions in Chicago &Suburbs paid per assignment

SPECIFIC POSITION ANDSEND RESUME TO:

LeGrand Court ReportingFax: (630) [email protected]

HELP WANTED

Cash for Record AlbumsRock • Jazz • Blues

St. Charles 206-432-1682

Established 22 yr business.Work for yourself. Turn Key

equipment, inventory, business available 630-859-1266

FOR SALE

Accepting ApplicationsFT/PT ice cream truck drivers/sales, Aurora, ILSlammin’ Ice Creamz, IncChofer para manejartroca de helado630-741-9382

Join Us! Work Home/ft/ptTravel Agents/Rep LeadersLucrative incomes + PerksWe train/888 648 3030

Help Support his mission toprovide Crosses for Losseswww.facebook.com/CrossesForLosses/

Greg Zanis, 1230 Church RdAurora, IL 60505

or to receive a cross, call773-999-8888

COMMUNITY

Painting - Ceramic TileElectrical - PlumbingSOFT DESIGNS847-274-8347

HANDYMAN

Hummels, Lladros, and other collectibles. I makehouse calls and pay cash. Steve 847-542-5713

BUYINGDRIVEWAY REPAIR

INSTALL & PATCHINGASPHALT SEAL

COATING & STRIPINGANDEL SERVICES, INC$50 Off *service under $1000or $100 Off* over $1000

(*not including Sealcoating)Must mention discount at time of estimateSe Habla Español

Office: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

Sign Installer/AssemblyMust have a valid drivers license, speak clear English,good communication skills,read a ruler down to 1/32"

Full benefits. Elgin Send email to:

[email protected]

CEMETERY

2 cemetery lotsRiver Hills Park • Batavia

Asking 1/2 price630-386-3885

WANTED

RON’S QUALITY PAINTINGInterior - ExteriorAffordable & Clean

Over 25 years experienceFree Estimates - Insured

(847)489-9907

Band Instruments: Cellos Open Hole Flutes, Trumpets

Double French Horns, Saxophones (847)951-7098

AGUAS REMODELINGAll Kinds of Repairs;Electrical - Walls

Bathrooms - KitchensPainting

Habla Espanol(847)809-1102 Jesus

J & L BUILDERSHandyman ServiceBasement Finishing

Kitchen & Bath RemodelingYour Complete RemodelingService. Free Estimates

(630)334-1322J-LBUILDERS/facebook

Sleeping Room $90/weeklyClean/Quiet, Non-smoking

Refrigerator accessAurora 630-247-1031

Two Men and A TrailerSmall to Medium Moves

TVs, Dressers, Beds, CouchesReasonable Rates - Elburn

630-918-5554 Big Ken

MOVING

Wiltse’s Landscaping &Lawn Care

Lawns, cleanups & mulchingfertilizing & weed control,

pruning, plantingresidential & commercial

hardscapes - (815) 508-7502


Bill’s Custom ServicesInterior/Exterior

Painting & Drywall Etc.Wallpaper hanging/removalOver 20 Years ExperienceFree Estimates/Insured

Now Offering Carpet Cleaning(815)482-4155

REMODELING

LAWN CARE SPECIALAerate $35 (48”Gate)Fertilizer $59 (0-10,000)Overseed Free with A & FBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

LAWN CARE

ROOM FOR RENT

Next Issue Ad DeadlineJune 5 May 23

To appear in the next issue of the ORANGE PEEL GAZETTEcontact Michelle at (815)751-1286


INVESTING

Tree Pruning & RemovalCall ISA Certified Arborist

Joe (224) 789 - 8773Northern Kane & Dupage Co

www.ArborJoe.com

PAINTER

Lanza Masonry Inc.Brick, Stone, Blocks

Tuck Pointing847-833-3384

MASONRY

WELLNESSAroma Therapy,

Reflexology, Healing Touchfor People and AnimalsDenise (630)310-4504

Baker’s Window CleaningResidential/Commercial

(630)854-7716(630)273-2010

WINDOW CLEANING

REMODELING TREE SERVICE

Above & Beyond Paintingby Stuart; Interior - ExteriorPainting and Remodeling;Professional Insured Clean;Over 35 years experience;No job too big or small....Call today for free estimate;Mary 331-251-5766 or Brian 630-709-8470

Look for us on Facebook andtwitter @Above & Beyond

Painting by Stuart

Batavia, Sugar Grove, St. Charles & Woodridge office & warehouse space for lease, from 1,500sq ft to 12,000sq ft. For info Call Don 630-330-7637or Sarah 630-318-2341

INDUSTRIALSPACE FOR RENT

Looking for a mature, responsible roomate to shareWest side Elgin home. Fullyfurnished 2 BDRM w/bath.Semi Private Living area,laundry, kitchen use, No Smoking Call/Text Wende 815-382-3255

ROOMMATEWANTED

We need someone who rollslawns. We have many referralsBeautiful Lawn & Tree Care

630-585-0221

Sleeping RoomQuiet, Clean

Refrigerator accessOswego 630-415-8207

STEVE’S TREE & STUMP REMOVAL

630-943-6350AERATOR MANAeration: $150/acreAnd Fertilize $299

Call me 630-585-0221

Do you want to learn how toget your utilities for free andalso make money on them?

Text “FREE” to: 630-675-7102 along withyour name and e-mail.

TREE SERVICES &BOOM TRUCK SERVICESANDEL SERVICES, INCTree Cutting, Trimming,Stump Grinding, Chipping,

Haul Away$50 Off service under $1000or $100 Off over $1000Must mention discount at time of estimate

Call the office or text cell forestimate. Se Habla EspañolOffice: 630 566 0210Cell: 630 675 7102

HOUSE CLEANING

Veronica & Audelia’sHouse Cleaning Services

630-506-2895630-935-5287

TREE SERVICE

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE ON JUNE 5, 2019


AcceptingE SCRAP

• Aluminum • Brass • Copper • Stainless Steel • Steel • Iron• Insulated Wire • Batteries • Aluminum Cans• Siding 336 East Sullivan •Aurora

M - F 7:30 - 4:30Sat 7:00 - 12:30

STATE CERTIFIED SCALESCONTAINER & TRUCKING SERVICES

TOP CASH PAID for

Ferrous & Non-Ferrous

Metals

Ecology Tech Inc

630-844-3344www.ssmetalrecyclers2.com

1 Block E. of Rt 25 on Sullivan

Since 1988

Call Today! 630-262-8484

630-262-848409/30/19

09/30/1909/30/19

Expires 09/30/19

Advertising that actually works • No Contracts • Great ResultsBe part of the next issue...

881155 --775511--11228866

Did you know?The Orange Peel Gazette

is distributed to over400 locations

across Kane & Kendall Counties

Pierced Ears The students in my third grade class were bombard-

ing me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called

out, "How far away did they stand?"

Please and Thank You While on maternity leave, a woman from our office

brought in her new bundle of joy. She also had herseven-year-old son with her.

Everyone gathered around the baby, and the littleboy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy asoda?"

"What do you say?" she asked. Respectfully, the boy replied, "You're thin and beau-

tiful." The woman reached in her purse and gave her son

the money.

ANE & K ENDALL COUNTIES€¦ · Weekly & Contractor Rates available Reser ve TODAY 10% OFF Driveway...

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