Caitlin Riddler: All I Want for

Christmas

A CAITLIN RIDDLER NOVELLA

SUZANNE JEFFERIES

Caitlin Riddler: All I Want for Christmas

All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted by any

means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying or otherwise, without the prior permission of

the publisher.

Cover  image  adapted  from  “Race  of  demons  controlled  by  the  death”  ©  Tiziano  Maria  Giulio  

Spalletti,  Dreamstime.com  

 

Copyright © Suzanne Jefferies 2014

Published by Moondance Books, Johannesburg, South Africa

www.suzannejefferies.com

23 December

“Caitlin Riddler, do you know where my Christmas angel’s got to?”, said Aunt Rusty,

rummaging through a barrel of Christmas decorations. The fifth barrel she’d been through

that morning. As the pile of tinsel, bells and baubles piled up next to Aunt Rusty, the lounge

looked less like Santa’s grotto and more like Santa’s late night den of inequity.

“What angel? That trannie thing with the mo?”, said Caitlin, trying to play Candy

Crush on her phone, while she draped across the couch. Level 346, and counting.

“It was a gift to your Aunt Mabel.”

“It still looks like a trannie with a mo. The Movember mo angel. Limited edition.”

Aunt Rusty unwound a string of bells that cling-clanged against each other. “Are you

going to play that thing all morning? Or are you going to help me put these decorations up?”

Surely the answer to that one was obvious? Caitlin did not look up. “Where’s

Dave?” Level 349. A new record definitely.

“Went out to get a new staple gun.”

Level 350 for the taking. “Can’t he help when he gets back?”

Aunt Rusty banged her fist down on the table.

Caitlin let out a death wail, as her phone froze before spiralling into a death

pirouette wiping out many hours of solid gaming. “Aaaaaaaaaargh”

“What’s wrong? You do something to hurt yourself?”, said Aunt Rusty, shuf-shuffling

her way through an intertwined mass of Christmas tinsel.

Caitlin puffed out her cheeks, then fumed. “Spitballs, Aunt Rusty, now I’m back to

level one, level one! Do you know how much time it took to get to where I was? Do you?”

Aunt Rusty wrapped a string of red tinsel round her shoulders in a sparkly feather

boa. “About the same amount of time it would have taken for you to help me with these

decorations, and get the house ready. Now you know that this year, I’m going to win the

Liberty house street parade competition. That means I need both you girls helping me get

everything out there and looking amazing.”

“I don’t see Joss here”, said Caitlin. Level two. Level three. Oh yes, level four. So far

still to go, but slow progress, slow progress. Ah, level five. “Aren’t you a bit late?”

No response. Candy Crush you are mine all mine. “Here Caitlin, catch!”, called her

aunt.

Caitlin dragged her eyes away from her screen for just a second. Aunt Rusty tossed

across some lights that clanked onto the floor, missing Caitlin’s hands entirely.

Another death wail. “Ohmyword, back to level one. Aunt Rusty, this is not how

Saturday mornings were meant to be spent.” Caitlin banged down her phone, and picked up

the lights, which, naturally, were tangled into a ball of prickly pain that would take years to

unravel. Isn’t this why a man now lived in the house? Wasn’t that his task? To take out trash

and unravel Christmas lights?

“You’re going to need a tree”, said Caitlin, noticing that some of the bulbs seemed

to be missing. That meant that the lights wouldn’t even function. Really, this was not how

nature intended anyone under the age of eighteen to spend their hard won Saturday free

time. Wasn’t it supposed to be for doing preparation rounds for the Inter-High Physics

Quiz? Or squeezing in quality time with her Candy Crush?

How was Liberty High ever going to win if she didn’t get in her extra reading? There

were new papers to download, textbooks to pore over. Sure Andy thought he had it

handled. With that dim wit Bella providing support. Caitlin grimaced.

“Caitlin, watch what you’re doing with those. They’re fragile.”

With fingers all thumbs, Caitlin tried to progress with the lights, but with each

supposed successful unravelling, another tangle emerged. It was like some many-headed,

ever growing demon of a job. Trust Aunt Rusty to give it to her to do. Not that Aunt Rus

seemed to appreciate irony. Her fingers jabbed white where the lights poked at her. “You

do remember don’t you Aunt Rus, that I asked if Bjorn could come over this morning?”

Aunt Rusty had abandoned the red tinsel boa, and was now draped in gold and

green. Stand her outside, and she could be the Christmas angel. One by one, she lifted gold

glass baubles out of their box, rubbing them down with a soft cloth. “Lovely boy that Bee-

jorn. Strange. But well-mannered.”

“Just because he calls you ma’am”

“Shows he’s been brought up right”, said Aunt Rusty, holding up a bauble as if it

were an earring. “What do you think? Suits me?”

Eek. Crash. The front door slammed shut. Dave thumped his way through, his boots

sounding like a herd of bison escaping from a predator.

“Dave? Is that you?”, said Aunt Rusty.

“Really?”, said Caitlin, throwing her aunt a filthy look and abandoning her lights. “I’ve

got to go get ready. Bjorn will want to go over this interesting article I found.”

“You can use my make-up if you like”, said Aunt Rusty.

“What for? Highlighting?”

Dave ambled over to Aunt Rusty, plonking the staple gun down on the table. Aunt

Rusty started to examine it. “Well, in my day we called it dating, but you can call it studying”

“It is studying. Winning the Inter-High physics quiz is a serious task.”

“Okay honey”, said Aunt Rusty, “if you say so. Think this gun will be able to finish

the job?”

Aunt Rusty let a few staples fly. Dave nodded. “You got the lights ready? I’ll start

getting them up. And I got us a tree. It’s in the back of the truck.”

The demon transporter. Nice to know it can be called upon to bring yuletide joy in

the form of carting about chopped down trees too. Perhaps it gave the truck that pine-fresh

smell, that covered up the stench of captured demons.

Dave picked up Caitlin’s lights, and began to undo any of Caitlin’s undoing. Aunt

Rusty handed over the staple gun, and set back to her decorating frenzy. “Damn, I really

need to find that angel. Caitlin, you sure you haven’t seen it?”

“Positive”, said Caitlin, moving away from being asked to do anything else.

“Caitlin, before you disappear”. Damn. So close. “What do you want for Christmas

this year?”

“Same thing I want every year. World peace Aunt Rus, world peace”, said Caitlin.

And the Inter-High physics quiz trophy.

****

Bjorn arrived at exactly eleven am, as had been arranged.

“You could almost time you to the second”, said Caitlin, opening the door for him.

“Maybe you should give Joss lessons, she’s late for her own period.”

“What? I didn’t catch that?”, said Bjorn, following behind Caitlin as she made for the

stairs. “Who’s that up on the roof?”

Caitlin frowned. “The roof? Oh. Dave. Out there stapling lights so that we can

confuse low flying aircraft.”

“He is your father yes?”

Caitlin snorted. “Shudder at the thought. Here.” Caitlin led Bjorn into her bedroom.

He stopped for a moment taking in the sheer pinkness of it all.

“Ah, the quest of every teenage boy”, he said.

“To win the Inter-High physics quiz?”

“No, to be invited into a beautiful girl’s bedroom”

Caitlin had forgotten his aptitude for cheese. If she waited long enough, she’d have

an entire board for Christmas dinner. “If you wait a few minutes, you might get invited into

Joss’s as well. But I’m warning you up front, she won’t bring you any closer to winning that

trophy.”

Caitlin picked up a pile of books. “Here, we might want to start with these”

“Quantum Field Theory”, said Bjorn, reading off the cover. “Won’t they just ask the

basic questions?”

“These are the basic questions”, said Caitlin. “Don’t tell me that being with Bella has

rotted your brain?”

Bjorn squatted down onto Caitlin’s bed as he started to flick through QFT.

Caitlin cleared her throat. “A-hem”

Bjorn continued flicking through.

“Aaaa-hem”, said Caitlin again.

“You want this book first?”

“Not on my bed.” Caitlin pointed at a hard-backed wooden chair. “Chair, please”

Bjorn obliged. Caitlin pulled up a chair next to him and pulled out a large file. “Now,

I’ve referenced and cross-referenced, and done the requisite number of Google searches to

make sure that any possible question, we’ll have the answer to. The next challenge, of

course, is memorising the answers, but I doubt that will be too much of an obstacle.”

Was that Bjorn’s knee touching hers? Yes. She shuffled away. He did smell good

though. Not as good as Andy. Who’s still kissing up to that Bella. Caitlin rammed her knee

against Bjorn’s.

“What’s this?”, said Bjorn, picking up the demonglass that sat on her desk.

Caitlin flushed. “It’s a compass”

She’d been meaning to hide it, put it in the back of her closet, and forget it ever

existed. But. She was having a bit of fun making up demon names then seeing if any existed.

So far, she’d had two hits. Twins. Kennedy twins. Not that she’d met them, but once she’d

hit on their names, she could see them sliding around on some demented pink coloured

planet. Better than downloading from Netflix.

Bjorn twisted and turned the demonglass. “How does it work? There are no cardinal

points?”

“Before you drop it, you might want to give it back?”, said Caitlin, trying to snatch it

away. Bjorn merely held the demonglass at arm’s length, forcing Caitlin to stretch across

him. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you were doing this on purpose.”

Bjorn just smiled, but he didn’t let the demonglass go. “There’s no way this is a

compass. Why don’t you just show me what it does?”

“It’s an antique. Aunt Rusty will go nuts if anything happens to it”, said Caitlin, still

trying to wrestle it away from Bjorn who simply moved the demonglass from hand to hand

overhead, behind him.

“If you wanted to kiss me, you could have just asked, yes?”, said Bjorn, giving up the

game, and handing back the demonglass.

Caitlin grabbed it out of his hand. “Thankyouverymuch. Can we concentrate on this

please? We’ve only got a few days, and then it’s d-day.”

From out of her pocket, she yanked out a squashed angel decked out in lurid shades

of purple. With nimble fingers, she slid the demonglass into the folds of the angel’s robes.

Bjorn appeared to be studying. But then: “What are you doing for Christmas?”

Caitlin picked up her file, and began contemplating strategy. “That won’t be one of

the questions. Do you think they might ask on Tesla or Edison, something like that?

Personally I think Tesla needed a shithot PR person, and then we might be talking about him

a whole lot more.”

“I’m going to be all alone. With my host family. But all alone.”

Caitlin took out a pen that glowed green everytime she pushed the tip onto paper.

“There’s a good chance they’ll ask on relativity, that’s always a hot ticket. Or maybe they

won’t, because it’s so obvious. Maybe we need to ask Ellis what he thinks about that?”

“I might call home. Christmas there is very special.”

“Or you can ask Ellis?”, said Caitlin, wondering if Andy was home. Probably. With

Bella. “Let’s not ask Ellis. At the trial, he can choose to bring it up if he so wishes.”

“And we have a tradition of Christmas eve dinner. All of the family. Lots of wine. ”

Bjorn sighed.

“Bjorn. Earth to Bjorn. You do realise that Christmas is a pagan ritual? And a

capitalist ritual. They’ve been playing Christmas cheesy hits in the mall since October.

Before Halloween. Give me a break already.”

Bjorn looked like he’d spring a leak any second. Those big blues of his welling up.

Ohman, he’s really cute. Why does he have to go all sentimental on me? Andy would know

when to shut his yap. He hates Christmas. Has to wear those antlers that his mother gave

him when he was five.

“It’s a bit of fun Caitlin”, said Bjorn, taking her hand, and kissing it.

“Ooo-oo”, said Caitlin. Whipping her hand away, she replaced it with another back-

breakingly heavy textbook. “Get reading.”

“But, we can always prepare later?”. Bjorn’s suggestion hung in the air like over-

dryed laundry on the line.

“Look here, I want to win this thing, and I expect the same from my team members”

“Andy and Bella aren’t here though.”

Caitlin could feel her lips start to twitch. “Just get on with the reading why don’t

you?”

“They’ll probably ask something about Hedy Lamar.”

“Who?”

“Hollywood actress, also a scientist.”

“Yeah, I doubt. Now get cracking.”

****

So Caitlin Riddler had a demonglass. How very interesting.

And of course she knew what it was too. Any fool could see that she knew more

than she let on. Antique? Inspired. No doubt she filched it off the demon hunter. He’d have

to be taken care of. A little collateral damage to the cause.

Lifting it could be tricky. With her around.

Clomp, clomp, clomp. Ah, but sometime opportunity knocked.

“Is that Dave still on the roof?”, he asked.

“Do I look like I have x-ray vision?”

Duf, duf. Bang, bang, bang, ga-klunk. Thud, thud.

Bjorn watched as Dave rolled off the roof, and sailed past the window. A slight smile

crept onto his face. “What was that Caitlin?”

Caitlin didn’t look up. “Probably that fool on the roof.”

He’d have to credit her. Fool was the right word.

“Cait-lin!” The yell came from downstairs.

“What?”, muttered Caitlin, scrawling in some notes on the margin.

Bjorn stood up and went to the window. Down below, on the lawn, lay Dave, a rope

of Christmas lights wrapped round his legs, a staple gun still clutched in his hand. “I think

your Aunt’s friend is perhaps in trouble ja?”

Caitlin scrawled. “Good.”

“Cait-lin!”, came the yell again.

“Spitballs. Just one morning, just one, that’s all I ask. Just one morning where

someone or something is not asking for my time or my something. Come Bjorn, make

yourself useful”, said Caitlin, stalking out of the room.

Now’s the opportunity.

Within seconds, Bjorn pocketed the demonglass from the angel’s robes and followed

Caitlin.

Out in the front lawn, Dave remained prostrate, his arms and legs askew. A muted

mewing sound came out of his mouth every few seconds or so.

“Did you call someone?”, said Caitlin.

“911”, said Aunt Rusty, who’d ambled over on her walking stick.

Bjorn peered over Dave. “He’s awake.”

If awake meant his eyes were half-open. A swift kick would end the whole affair. No

Bjorn, patience. We need the hunter. Need to keep him part of the plan for a bit longer.

Bjorn leant over Dave, and prodded his shoulder.

“Don’t move him in case it’s his neck”, said Aunt Rusty, trying to walk faster than

her hips would allow.

“What’s happening over here?”

Bjorn looked over. That Andy Ellis. Followed by Bella.

“We’re having a convention for the protection of cruelty to animals,” said Caitlin,

“What does it look like we’re doing?”

“Did anyone call an ambulance?”, said Andy, heading over to Caitlin, who moved

away from him.

Good.

“Hello Bella”, said Bjorn, giving her a cheery wave. Caitlin bristled.

Andy scratched the back of his head. “What happened?”

“Fool was putting up Aunt Rusty’s lights”, said Caitlin, shaking her head at her aunt.

“So this is my fault”, said Aunt Rusty.

“Hey, you want to win that stupid street light prize thing”, said Caitlin.

“Ladies, ladies, let’s give the man some space, ja?”, said Bjorn, standing between

Caitlin and her aunt. These women would tear each other’s guts out worse than any Leglon

demon given half the chance. Which Bjorn wouldn’t be doing.

“Oh good, that’s the sirens I hear”, said Aunt Rusty.

Caitlin started singing. “Do you hear what I hear?”

“Neighbour’s a freak Ellis”, said Bella, not bothering to lower her voice.

“You wanna come over and run through some spare test papers”, said Andy to

Caitlin.

Bjorn interrupted. “No, we’ve got it covered.”

Last thing he needed was to spend time with that cretin. After all the trouble he’d

been to just to get rid of the demon hunter.

There they were. All of them huddled round Dave like a modern day nativity scene.

This. Is. Boring. Did they all really need to stand there? What use was standing

there? Someone could have at least offered a few lattés? In a dutiful line they all stood while

the ambulance pulled up and a couple of meds leapt out. Caitlin vanished into the kitchen.

Excellent, someone with some sense of sensibility. Caitlin emerged back onto the

front lawn, half a doughnut in her hand.

The meds rolled Dave onto a stretcher.

“I’ll follow behind”, said Aunt Rusty when she realised that wasn’t going to make the

step up into the back of the van.

Turning to Caitlin she called out. “You’re going to have to help me finish what he

started.”

Caitlin stopped sucking the icing off her doughnut. “What are you talking about? I’m

not helping out with any of your weird feeding fads.”

“The decorations. We have one and a half days, and then it’s judgment”

“And it’s the Inter-High Physics Challenge”

“We’re not arguing this”, said Aunt Rusty as she made for her Cadillac.

Bella chirped. “Hey Riddler, if it’s too much bother, we can replace you with Pete. In

fact, he can come through for the trial run later.”

Caitlin scoffed. “He’s in the hospital with pneumonia.”

“Ah, yes”, said Bjorn. How else was he supposed to get close to Caitlin? If she’d just

been somewhat more agreeable, she’d be in the advanced physics. Ah well. He had to do

what he had to do. Pete was young, how necessary were lungs anyway?

“Maybe we should go practise some more while your aunt’s away”, said Bjorn. “I’m

sure your aunt will make a plan.”

“No, no she won’t, “ said Caitlin, finishing her doughnut in one gulp.

Now that just didn’t figure into Bjorn’s plans. Not one tiny bit.

****

Caitlin waited in ambush for her aunt as she arrived back from the hospital. The

second her aunt switched on the kitchen light, Caitlin pounced. “I’m not spending any time

sticking up Christmas lights. Can’t Joss do it?”

“Can you wait for me to put my purse down?”

“Nu-uh. This challenge is super important. It’s the most important thing I’ll ever do.”

“You said that about the trans-teleporter you tried to make out of my old washer.”

“But I was like thirteen then. Everybody’s dramatic at thirteen.”

“Caitlin, stop sweating it. You’ll breeze it”

Caitlin stopped dead, squaring her shoulders. “One does not simply breeze the

Inter-High Physics Challenge, ohno. There’s a certain amount of preparation, of skill, of

downright intense coaching that gets us that winning trophy.” Caitlin started to fiddle with

the kettle. “And , it might get me something else too.”

Aunt Rusty took the kettle from Caitlin and made for the sink. “Been meaning to ask

what’s up with Andy and that miserable looking girl.”

Caitlin was glad her aunt’s back was to her. She could feel the burn in her cheeks.

“What’s Andy got to do with it? I’m talking about getting into the applied physics”

Aunt Rusty banged the kettle lid back on. “We’re back there are we? Look, I need

this. That Ellis woman refuses to speak to me. She thinks I don’t do church enough. And

that other cow across the road’s not much better.”

“Cow? Oh, you mean Mrs Johnson…”

“Mrs. Mean Johnson with piggly little eyes, who peeks out from behind her curtains,

and…”

“So you think winning is going to change this?”

Aunt Rusty collapsed into her chair, her fingers running through her frazzled looking

red hair. Who knew she’d be so upset by what the neighbours thought? “Chances of my

winning are slim, but I want to make sure they know all about it. But I can’t get out on the

roof.”

“Not unless you want to test your house insurance.”

Aunt Rusty sighed. Caitlin raised an eyebrow. Not like her aunt to not remonstrate

at Caitlin’s lack of tact. She must want this worse than a pan of deep-dish chocolate

chocolate-chip brownies. Who knew?

“But Aunt Rus, I suck at decorating. I don’t do Christmas either.”

Aunt Rusty puffed out her cheeks. “I know, I know, just forget it.”

Forget it? Aunt Rusty continued: “I thought it would be good to have a young

person’s opinion. Especially one who knows everything about electronics and things. You

were my only choice.”

Caitlin thought about it. True, there wasn’t much she didn’t know about simple, or

even more complex, electronics. Why wouldn’t Aunt Rus ask her? If anyone knew how to

do this, it was she. Come to think of it, why hadn’t she asked Caitlin earlier?

“So Aunt Rus, I suppose I could help out. A bit. As it’s Christmas. Just an hour or

two out of my routine. To help.”

Aunt Rusty narrowed her eyes. “You’re sure? You’re not just saying it?”

“I don’t like Mrs. Johnson either. She keeps leaving her labels on the jars for the glass

recycling. I mean, who does that?”

****

Outside, the ladder lay draped across Aunt Rus’s flowerbeds. She must have it real

bad for Dave to not be pissed with him at her squashed dahlias. Dave, who when Caitlin had

remembered to ask, had a broken arm and a serious concussion.

Caitlin propped the ladder against the side of the house. Just looking at the warped

wooden rungs gave her vertigo. Tapping her hardhat to her skull, she said a silent prayer to

the gods of physics. Please don’t let anyone I know see me.

Taking the rungs, one by one, stopping for a mini-break at each one, the ground

gradually receded as she reached the roof.

“Who’s the athletic one? Joss. Who does she emotionally blackmail? Me.”

Rolling over onto the roof, she rested for a moment in the gutter. This wasn’t too

bad.

No. It was worse.

Her feet felt too big in their Batman sneakers as she tried to wiggle up to the top of

the roof. Strapped round her waist were the lights. She’d have to unwind them and then

one by one, staple them down. So simple when you looked at it from the relative safety of

the front lawn. But from up here? Just one, two, and tumble over the edge. Hadn’t Dave

already shown them how it was done?

Wiping the sweat from her brow, she started to unravel the lights. Strings of lights

over all the major lines. That’s what Aunt Rusty’s instructions had been. Woohoo. So

exciting. Caitlin could barely contain herself. How strings of lights could be deemed to be

worthy of ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from the neighbours was beyond her. More like coma inducing.

Now what if instead of lights, there were a couple of reindeers marching across the

top of the roof? How about some of Santa’s little helpers hanging on for deer life? Caitlin

chortled at her own joke. She looked around at the neighbours. Yep. Straight lines of lights.

Okay, so Mrs. Ellis had a double-joined Santa climbing into the chimney. Meh. From this

angle, he looked prone to ‘doing a Dave’ and catapulting himself from the roof. Good thing

he was bright red too, otherwise patrolling police might take him for an intruder.

Pfft. She could do way better than these Christmas amateurs. One by one, she laid

out the lights, as instructed. Perhaps she could even add a little ambience? A little

background music. Jingle bells. Nah. Talk about commercial. Christmas bells?

Come to think of it, if there was music, why not a little of the pyrotechnics? Some

sort of firecracker to expand the whole Christmas theme skyward?

Wouldn’t be that difficult.

Dumping the remainder of the lights, shuffling carefully down the tiles, she made for

the ladder. Even that could be something better. Something bigger. A giant candy cane. A

helter-skelter. Possibilities were endless.

Caitlin climbed back down the ladder and marched into the house.

The screen door chimed her arrival. On cue, her aunt bellowed from the kitchen.

“D’you get them up and working?”

Caitlin yelled back. “Nooo”

Before her aunt could retaliate, she added. “You’re never going to win with those

lame-o lights. You gotta think bigger Aunt Rus”

Aunt Rusty sat at the kitchen table, spreading glitter over a star cut-out. “Just put

the lights up Caitlin”

“Why put up just boring lights, when you could put up something that will make

every jaw drop? You still got those reindeer statues.”

“None of the lights work on those things”

“Like that’s a challenge. Where’d you keep all that stuff?”

“Basement”

Caitlin was off, sending pink and silver glitter flying.

“And while you’re down there, see if you can find my angel. Still can’t find it

anywhere.”

****

Three hours later, Caitlin sat in the centre of the basement, a welding mask rammed

down over her face, giant gloves on each hand, and a blowtorch burning. Sparks flew as she

got busy with Aunt Rusty’s lights.

All these heaps of junk down here. Just sitting down here. What a waste. She

examined the giant wire reindeer head in her hand. That will do. Next one.

The basement door opened, sending a shaft of light into the gloom.

“Your aunt said I’d find you down here”, said Andy as he creaked down the stairs.

Caitlin waited till Andy stood nice and close before starting up the blowtorch. Andy

bounced straight back, sending a couple of decapitated reindeers flying. Sparks buzzed and

phutted all round.

He waited till she finished. “You missed the trial run”

“Impossible. I’d never miss it. It’s at four”

“And it’s six now”

Caitlin tried to fumble for her watch under her outsize gloves. Andy obliged and

shoved his watch face into hers.

“Spitballs. Really?”

“Really?”

Caitlin dragged off her gloves. “Spitballs.”

“What are you doing down here?”

“Chilling by the pool.” Caitlin felt her stomach slide straight to her toes, did not pass

go, did not collect two hundred. “I missed it? You’re not here to…drop me, are you?”

That’s exactly why he was here. Here to deliver the news in person. Right through

his dinnertime. Andy put his hand on her shoulder. “Caitlin, relax, I just thought I’d come

see how Dave was doing.”

Caitlin tried to ignore the hand. “Smacked his head. Might result in his losing the

only brain cell he has. Make yourself useful Andy, and hand me that angle grinder there.”

Andy obliged. Caitlin couldn’t help but watch as a lock of dark hair curled over his

forehead. “Where’s your Kling-on?”

“Funny. Where’s Thor?”

Caitlin handed Andy a decapitated reindeer. “Try fix him”

An hour or two of companionable silence lapsed. Caitlin tried not to think about

Andy with Bella. He had every right to choose to be with her. If he wanted to. And besides,

didn’t she now have Bjorn? Who’s super cute, and with an accent. Caitlin glanced out the

corner of her eye at Andy twisting some bits of wire, his tongue clenched between his teeth

as he concentrated. But Bjorn wasn’t Andy. No-one could be like Andy.

“You think we’ll make it?”, he asked.

Make it? She couldn’t think of anyone else she’d rather have ask that question. The

burn rose to the tips of her eyebrows. Swishing her hair about, she replied. “Sure, why

not?”

“Archer High’s pretty stiff competition.”

Realisation dawned like detention on a Saturday. “Yeah. Right. Archer High.”

Caitlin searched about in a moulded over cardboard box full of broken bits of lights

and baubles. She unearthed a plastic sprig of mistletoe.

A pause. “We’re not dating, dating, you know,” said Andy.

“Whatevs,” said Caitlin, tossing the mistletoe back into the box, and picking up the

staple gun. C’mon Andy, you can help me staple this masterpiece together.”

Christmas Eve

Caitlin met her aunt and her sister out on the porch. In one hand was a remote

control, in the other a cherry Coke. “Okay, so let’s get moving, moving, moving”

“I’ve got a date Caitlin”, said Joss, texting with thumbs moving like combine

harvesters over the screen.

“You can wait the whole three seconds it will take for you to take your bra off.

Now. Look. At. This.”

Caitlin held up the remote, flicked a switch and stood back. Silence. A bird chirped.

A dog barked. A car drifted past on overtrod tyres.

Red. Green. Gold. White. Red. Green. Gold. White. The lights flashed on/off as they

ran through each of the colours.

“Wait, wait. There’s more.” Caitlin flicked another switch. Now the lights ran green,

green, green, then gold, gold, gold, the white, white, white, then red, red, red.”

“Bit Stephen King-ish”, said Joss, her face aglow from the all that red lighting.

Aunt Rusty put her hands on her hips. “What the hell is that Caitlin? Where are my

lines?”

“Lines pay homage to coke dealers Aunt Rus, but this, this is something different.”

“Yeah, okay, different. Laters,” Joss escaped into that Mick’s truck, which pulled up,

the base straining at the windows.

“Oh, wait, I’ve forgotten the music. Here.” Caitlin pressed a button. From speakers

attached to the chimney and on each corner of the roof, Christmas bells squealed.

“Neat, huh? And here’s the best part,”, said Caitlin, turning a dial. From out of the

chimney, what looked like a cowboy emerged from the chimney.

“Is that part of my Village People cutout?”, asked Aunt Rusty.

“It could be. Watch”

Twisting a knob, the show began. As the choir sang, the cowboy from the Village

People, jumped into his sleigh stacked with gifts of …

“…what is that? Those aren’t presents.”

“Yes they are. It’s…”

“Reindeer heads?”

“Modified reindeer heads. They’re now Christmas puddings. See”

“They look like reindeer heads. You want to scare the whole street?”

The sled made its way across the roof, tooting and flashing as it went, Santa’s

moustache twinkling.

“Where’s his beard? Where’s the white hair?”, said Aunt Rusty.

“That’s like so overs. This is the best, watch this.”

As Santa reached the other end of the roof, the puddings started to blaze.

“What in the hell is that?”

“Fake fire, and now watch.”

Dry ice pumped out, as a dozen Barbie dolls dressed as green pixies monkey-climbed

along the gutter.

Caitlin turned to look at her aunt.

“So? What do you think?”

Aunt Rusty took a long, slow, deep breath. “Lines. Was it so difficult to just do the

lines?”

“Difficult? No. But look how much more fun this is. You’re bound to win.”

“Bound to end up explaining something to social services. Reindeer heads? Reindeer

heads?”

“Christmas puddings, Aunt Rus. I don’t think you’re appreciating the creativity here.”

Aunt Rusty sighed. “Guess it’s not too late to decorate that tree like we did the last

year. Did you see my angel?”

“Oh look, here comes Bjorn,” said Caitlin, moving away from her aunt.

“Good day. I like. Looks good,” he said, as he joined Caitlin, aiming to kiss her on

her forehead, but mistiming as Caitlin ducked, catching the top of her head instead.

Caitlin knew Aunt Rusty watched the two of them. Hoping for signs of any kind of

Mills and Boon future here. Some parents wanted their kids to get good grades and make a

decent attempt at college. Not Aunt Rus. She wanted boy drama. Lots of it. Caitlin was not

going to bite.

“Are we ready for the Inter-high physics challenge?”

“Hell, yes,” said Caitlin. “Bring. It. On. Those losers have no idea of the intellectual

capsizing that’s coming their way.”

“You can’t go anywhere. What about the tree?”, asked Aunt Rusty.

“Aunt Rus, this is the only thing I’ve ever wanted”, said Caitlin, noticing that her tone

had leapt straight to borderline annoying whine. “You don’t appreciate anything I do for

you.”

Aunt Rusty’s lips twitched. Where was her secret stash of Marlboro now?

“Fine. Go.”

“But Aunt Rus…”

“Just go.”

Caitlin sulked off. Bjorn reached for her hand. Caitlin didn’t even attempt to stop

him.

****

The corridors of Liberty High echoed as they walked towards the hall. Talk about

abandoned. Without the students, the whole place just seemed like a ghost town. How

divine. If it could just be like that all the time, imagine how much more fun school could

actually be.

“Bit creepy. Don’t worry. I am here,” said Bjorn.

Caitlin grunted. Up ahead she could hear the sounds of nervous teams reciting

through possible questions. “What is Stephen Hawking’s current position?”, “Who had a

theory about cats in a box?”, “What’s the third law of motion?”

This would be a walkover. No contest. There wasn’t a question in existence that she

hadn’t already referenced and cross-referenced.

Bella and Andy stood at the entrance to the hall. Both wore their ‘L’ for Liberty

shirts. Bella mainlined on a Mars bar with a Coke chaser.

“Hey”, she said, briefly nodding to Bjorn, totally freezing Caitlin out.

“So we’ve drawn Archer High in the first round,” said Andy, his ‘L’ shirt miles too

big for him.

“How did that happen? Someone’s not doing the seeding right.”

“Seeding? This is high school quiz time Caitlin, not the finals for the US Open,” said

Bella.

“Shall we go in? We’re up first,” said Andy.

What did Bella know about anything? Clearly her greatest ambitions began and

ended with a diamond ring on her finger, a joint check account and an epic anti-depressant

habit. Good luck Andy with that, Mr. Dating Not Dating Dating.

Caitlin took her position up on the stage, sandwiched in between Bjorn and Andy.

Bella’s hand immediately took up residence on the top of Andy’s thigh. Like a giant bird claw

gripping its prey.

Across from them sat the enemy. Two guys, two girls, in red t-shirts, with a black

circle in the centre. Bullseye. Caitlin was so ready for target practice.

Mr Banks adjusted a microphone and began to address the twenty-strong crowd

who had turned up to watch Liberty High’s total domination.

“Welcome to this year’s Inter-High Physics Challenge, and our surrounding schools’

participants. We know you all want to get started on your Christmas celebrations, so let’s

begin. The format is as follows: first round, round robin between the teams, winners of each

round robin to square off in the finals. Round robin, best of four questions. Let’s begin.”

Bella, using her free hand to cover their microphone, hissed at her teammates.

“Don’t hit the buzzer unless you’re sure you know the answer. Otherwise we forfeit.”

Caitlin itched to respond.

“And for our first question…”, said Mr. Banks. “A magnifying glass is what type of

lens?”

Buzz.

“Liberty High”

“Convex”, said Caitlin.

“Score one to Liberty. Next question. “The property of a moving object to continue

moving is what Galileo called?”

Buzz.

“Archer High.”

Target one answered. “Inertia.”

“That is correct. Next question…”

Caitlin sat with her hand hovering over the buzzer, and wham, buzz.

“Liberty High”

“150”

“Correct. Next question…”

Buzz. “Liberty High”

“Isaac Newton”, said Caitlin.

“Correct. Team Liberty High wins the first round,” said Mr. Banks.

“Of course,” said Caitlin.

“You could let the rest of us answer Caitlin,” said Bella, popping M and M’s like they

were pills.

****

Final round. Liberty High vs Archer High. It was always going to come down to the

two of them. Archer High had won two years in a row. This year they would not be

victorious.

“This is it guys. Time to take the trophy home,” said Andy as they did a group

huddle before settling in at their post. Bjorn sat closest to the buzzer.

Mr. Banks took up the microphone. Victory in sight. Last round. Best of three.

“For the hydrogen atom, which series describes electron transitions to the N=1

orbit, the lowest electron energy orbit?”

Easy. Lyman series. Caitlin reached forward.

Buzz. “Paschen series,” said Bjorn.

“I’m afraid that is incorrect. Archer?”

“Lyman series.”

“…Is the correct answer”, said Mr. Banks. Damn. I knew that. Caitlin looked across

at Bjorn who didn’t seem even vaguely ruffled that he’d just as good as led his team to the

slaughter.

“Next question. A ball leaves a girl’s hand with an upward velocity of six meters per

second. What is the maximum height of the ball above the girl’s head?”

Caitlin calculated. If the ball..six metres…velocity…1.8.

Buzz. “Two meters,” said Bjorn.

“That is the wrong answer.”

“Will you quit hitting the buzzer?”, said Caitlin. Bjorn turned his baby blues to her.

Innocence personified. If he didn’t know the answer, why does he keep hitting the buzzer?

“Team Archer?”

“1.8 meters?”

“Correct”

“Don’t touch that damn buzzer. One more strike and we’re out”, said Caitlin.

Mr. Banks cleared his throat. “Which brings us to the last question of the challenge.”

He waited a good few seconds. Caitlin had nearly fallen off the edge of her chair as she tried

to get her hand in striking distance of the buzzer.

“Which Hollywood actress co-invented an early technique for spread spectrum

communications and frequency hopping?”

Caitlin looked at Bjorn. What were the chances? Wasn’t this his stupid question?

What was the stupid answer?

Quick glance at Archer High. They didn’t seem to know either.

“You said it, yesterday,” she hissed at Bjorn. He just shrugged.

“But you do, you said it, clear as a bell,” said Caitlin, watching that trophy slide away.

Buzz.

“Archer High?”

“Oh, you mean Hedy Lamar?”, said Bjorn to Caitlin.

“Hedy Lamar?”, said Target practice two.

“That is the correct answer. And Archer High wins the Inter-High Physics Challenge

for the third year running.

“You knew the answer,” said Caitlin.

Bjorn yawned revealing little sharp pointy incisors. “I’ll repeat your words. Don’t

touch that damn buzzer. So I didn’t”

Forced to clap for the other team, Caitlin tried not to reach over and kill him. How

could he let them lose? Just like that?

Andy shook Bjorn’s hand. “Good work team.” He made to shake Caitlin’s hand. She

flipped. “Shake your hand? What am I now? A business associate?” Andy had the decency to

blush.

Bella scrumpled up her third empty bag of Reese’s pieces. “Wouldn’t have happened

if Pete were here.”

Caitlin gave a big ‘V’ sign to her departing back. Which Andy caught her doing as he

congratulated the team from Archer High. Suck up.

She confronted Bjorn. His big ‘L’ sign straight in her line of vision. “Why didn’t you

say the answer? You knew it?”

“So did you. I told you the other day, ja?”

Caitlin frowned so hard, she could feel her eyebrows meet in the middle. “Don’t ja

me. You sabotaged us.”

“Maybe.” He put both his hands in his pockets, and rocked back onto his heels.

“Things aren’t always so.”

“What are you talking about?”

From out of his pocket, he revealed the demonglass.

Caitlin bristled. “That’s mine. Give it back.” She grabbed for it. He swallowed it in his

grip. “Don’t think so.”

“It is too mine. You took it from my room.”

“Walk with me Caitlin.”

Caitlin looked around. The hall was almost deserted. Who wanted to hang out in an

empty school hall when Christmas carolling followed by Christmas drinking beckoned? Andy

and Bella had long gone. Caitlin could vaguely make out Mr. Banks taking Miss Shields hand

as he headed for the exit. Bjorn in his ‘L’ shirt looked huge. Why does he have the

demonglass? Goosebumps trick-tracked over the back of her shoulders. Somehow alone

with Bjorn didn’t seem to have the allure it once did.

“Fine,” she said, following the direction of Mr. Banks. If she followed him, she’d be

safe, right?

“Yesterday, I told you about the Christmas I’d be missing, ja? Only you didn’t listen.

You were concentrating on this challenge thing. Frustrating.”

Caitlin scampered now. Mr. Banks was just ahead. She could see his coat swishy-

swaying upfront.

“And it occurred to me that of course you won’t be listening. You don’t even know

who I am.”

Those goosebumps were growing goosebumps of their own. Whether they’d slowed

down, or Mr. Banks had speeded up, she couldn’t be sure, but there seemed to be a bigger

gap opening up. Oh. Man. She should’ve just shook Andy’s hand and been done with Then

they’d all be together. Not her and Bjorn and empty corridors that stretched out in all

directions. Her stomach bottomed out. Mr. Banks was nowhere to be seen.

“But you will know. Very soon Caitlin.”

She looked up at him. He seemed gigantic, a Nordic warrior gearing to charge its

prey. Intent. Focused. Caitlin weighed up her options. None of them even close to doable

options. What good would running do? He’d tackle her down in seconds.

His hands reached for his belt. Caitlin nearly swooned with fear. She opened her

mouth to scream, but not a single sound came out.

From his pocket, he took out the demonglass and tossed it a few times as if he were

rearing to play catch. She watched, hypnotised. Then, with a final swoop, he brought the

demonglass into the palm of his right hand, and opened it out.

Layers of universes opened up. One on top of the other. Stretching outwards,

expanding, extending through the walls of the corridors, through the ceilings, the floors, a

series of inter-laced holograms. She felt her mouth open.

“You didn’t know it could do that? Did you? Depends who’s holding the glass.”

“How did you?”, Caitlin couldn’t get the words out. “Do, do you know what this

means? Actually means?”

Forget high school challenges, this was big leagues. Nobel prizes. Chairs at

Cambridge. Dinners with Stephen Hawking.

Bjorn shrugged. “Just a suggestion. You might want to return that angel to your

aunt.”

Whoop. He closed the demonglass. Caitlin felt as if a vast door had been slammed in

her face. “What? The angel? But why?”

Bjorn was nowhere to be seen.

Christmas Day

Caitlin awoke with a start. Had she dreamt that weird incident with Bjorn? One

glance across at her desk. No demonglass. Nope, it had happened alright.

No matter how many times she turned over things in her head, she couldn’t quite

make sense of it. Why had he shown her that? And what’s with the angel?

She climbed out of her bed, wrapped herself in her lab coat, and made for

downstairs. The smell of turkey roasting wafted up to greet her. “Did you win Aunt Rusty?”

Aunt Rusty arranged potatoes in a pan, ladelling them with goosefat. “No I got a call

from Siegfried and Roy.”

“Sorry Aunt Rus. Merry Christmas.” She gave her aunt a kiss.

“It’s okay, there’s always next year. Merry Christmas to you too, hon.”

“Found your angel”. She dumped the purple monstrosity down on the table.

Aunt Rus clapped her hands together. “Hallelujah, the Christmas miracle. Dave’s

joining us for lunch, by the way. Head’s better. He can put him up for me.”

Caitlin took in the Christmas candy on the kitchen table and went in search of her

porridge. “Don’t know what you seem to think’s so great about angels. And that one still

looks like the tranny Movember limited edition speciality doll.”

Aunt Rusty carried on with her Christmas morning sermon. “Angels help those in

need. They give care, and love. Haven’t you watched ‘Touched by an Angel’?”

“Sounds dodgy. Touched? Ugh.”

“Cait-lin. It’s beautiful.”

“Angels. Who’d want them in their life?”

“Listen, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

Caitlin dragged herself away from the great porridge hunt. “You do?”

“Don’t sound suspicious. You’ll like it. Come.”

****

Aunt Rusty and Caitlin stood in the Riddler drive. Caitlin cast furtive glances across

at the Ellis’s yard where a huge red bow and a golden ‘First Prize’ banner rested on their

porch. Please don’t let Andy come out here, when I’m dressed in my labcoat.

“We’ve been working on something,” said Aunt Rusty.

“You have?”. Caitlin didn’t like the sound of this. Was it a puppy? A cat? “Is it a time

travel machine?”

“Fun-nee Caitlin.”

Was Aunt Rus about to go all Bjorn on her, and start with the multiverses? Caitlin

braced herself for the worst.

From around the corner, a pale blue VW bug, vintage sixties style, cla-clugged up the

drive. Caitlin wrapped her labcoat further round her as she recognised the dark hair of the

driver.

A pause. “You got me a car? Aunt Rus, I can’t drive.”

“Yet. But give it some lessons, and you’ll have your licence.”

Caitlin swallowed. Not driving, anything but driving.

Andy cut the engine and hopped out. “Merry Christmas, Caitlin!”

“Yes and to you”, she said. He looked better than Christmas pudding. Even if he did

have his stupid Christmas antlers on.

“Andy’s been helping to restore her, isn’t she beautiful?”

Caitlin swallowed again. The thought of Andy fixing and polishing and shining

something for her.

“Of course, you’ll have to share it with your sister, who’s still out with that Mick.

Carolling, she called it. Hmmm.”

“Thanks Aunt Rus. I really, really appreciate it. You too, Andy”

She hugged her aunt. Then. Andy. She reached up, and his arms folded around her.

For a second, she felt the world slow down, become quiet, fill up with Andy Ellis. She closed

her eyes, and drank him in. No thoughts of demons or Bjorn or inter-high physics

challenges. Just Andy. Just for that moment.

As Caitlin let herself unwind from Andy’s embrace, Aunt Rusty chimed, “Bet you

thought you wouldn’t get what you wanted for Christmas.”

Caitlin looked up at Andy. He smiled at her.

“No Aunt Rusty, I got something better.”

About the Author

Suzanne Jefferies loves writing paranormal novels and romance fiction, watching cult movies,

and singing along to classic rock.

Want more Caitlin? Read The Liberty Series.

The Liberty Series Book 1: Caitlin Riddler Makes a Wish

The Liberty Series Book 2: Caitlin Riddler Runs for President

The Liberty Series Book 3: Caitlin Riddler Puts Her Foot Down – coming 2015

www. suzannejefferies.com

Other books by the author:

The Joy of Comfort Eating

The Joy of Speed Dating