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May-June 2003 / Annals of Improbable Research 1

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2 Annals of Improbable Research / May-June 2003 May-June 2003 / Annals of Improbable Research 1

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Annals of Improbable Research (AIR) ISSN 1079-5146The journal of record for inflated research and personalities. 2003 Annals of Improbable ResearchAIR, P.O. Box 380853, Cambridge, MA 02238, USA "Ig" is reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off.617-491-4437 FAX: 617-661-0927 www.improbable.com [email protected] EDITORIAL: [email protected]

Co-foundersMarc Abrahams******Alexander Kohn

EditorMarc Abrahams [email protected]

Commutative EditorStanley Eigen Northeastern Univ. [email protected]

Associative EditorMark Dionne Kurzweil Ed'l Systs

Distributive EditorRobin Abrahams

Art DirectorPeaco Todd [email protected] www.peacotoons.com

Art and DesignLois Malone/Rich &

Famous GraphicsMarian Parry

LayoutJo Rita Jordan, Renaissance

Person

Research LibrariansChana Lajcher, Judy Spahr

Contributing EditorsStephen Drew, Karen Hopkin, Alice Kaswell, Nick Kim, Richard Lederer, Steve Nadis

Research ResearchersKristine Danowski, Gary Dryfoos, Erik Gehring, Tom Gill, Mary Kroner, Wendy Mattson, Tom Roberts, Tom Ulrich

World Wide Web Editor and Global Village IdiotAmy [email protected](See our home page for other

web AIRheads.)

CirculationJane Coughlin(Counter-clockwise)James Mahoney

ProofingSusan Welstead et al.

“When all other contingencies fail, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”—Sherlock Holmes

A Guide to the Stars* Nobel Laureate** world’s highest IQ*** convicted felon**** misspelled***** sibling rivalry****** accused racketeer******* Ig Nobel Winner

AnthropologyJonathan Marks U. North Carolina

ArchaeologyAngela E. Close U. Washington

AstrochemistryScott Sandford NASA/Ames Moffet Field, CA

AeronauticsPaul McCready AeroVironment Monrovia, CA

AstronomyRobert Kirshner Harvard U.

Jay M. PasachoffWilliams Coll.

Eric Schulman Alexandria, Virginia

David Slavsky Loyola U., Chicago

BiochemistryEdwin Krebs* U. Washington

BiomaterialsAlan S. Litsky Ohio State U.

BiophysicsLeonard X. Finegold Drexel U.

BiotechnologyA. Stephen Dahms San Diego St. U.

BureaucracyMiriam Bloom SciWrite Jackson, MS

CardiologyThomas Michel***** Harvard Med. School

ChemistryDudley Herschbach* Harvard U.

William Lipscomb* Harvard U.

Computer ScienceDennis J. Frailey Texas Instruments Plano, TX

Robert T. Morris*** MIT

Margo Seltzer Harvard U.

DentistryWalter Kent Wyckoff, NJ

Joseph Marbach Columbia U.

EconomicsHein Schreuder DSM, Heerlen, The

Netherlands

Ernst W. Stromsdorfer Washington St. U.

EngineeringDean Kamen DEKA Research

Forensic Biology & Crimi-nalisticsMark Benecke Int’l Forensic Res. &

Cons., Köln

Functional Biology & MorphologyRebecca German U. of Cincinnati

Richard Wassersug******* Dalhousie U.

GeneticsMichael Hengartner U. of Zürich

GeologyJohn C. Holden Omak, WA

John Splettstoesser Rockland, ME

History of Science & MedicineDr. Tim Healey Barnsley, England

ImmunologyFalk Fish Orgenics, Ltd. Yavne, Israel

Infectious DiseasesJames Michel***** Harvard Med. School

IntelligenceMarilyn Vos Savant** New York, NY

LawRonald A. May Little Rock, AR

Library and Information SciencesRegina Reynolds Library of Congress Washington, DC

George Valas Budapest, Hungary

Norman D. Stevens U. of Connecticut

Materials ScienceRobert M. Rose MIT

MathematicsLee Segel Weizmann Inst.

MethodologyRod Levine National Insts of Health

MicrobiologyRoland G. Vela U. North Texas

Molecular BiologyWalter Gilbert* Harvard U.

Richard Roberts* New England Biolabs Beverly, MA

Molecular PharmacologyLloyd Fricker Einstein Coll. of Medi-

cine

NeuroengineeringJerome Lettvin MIT

NeurologyThomas D. Sabin Boston City Hospital

Obstetrics & GynecologyPek van Andel******* Medical Faculty Gronin-

gen, The Netherlands.

Dr. Eberhard W. Lisse Swakopmund State

Hospital, Namibia

OphthalmologyPinar Aydin Hecethepe U. Ankara, Turkey

Orthopedic SurgeryGlenn R Johnson Bemidji, MN

PaleontologySally Shelton Smithsonian Inst.

Earle Spamer Academy of Nat’l Scis

Philadelphia, PA

ParasitologyWendy Cooper Nat'l Registration

Authority for Ag'l & Veterinary Chemicals

PediatricsRonald M. MackBowman Gray School of

Med.

Robert E. Merrill Salado, TX

PharmacologyStanton G. Kimmel Normal, OK

PhilosophyGeorge Englebretson Bishop’s U., Quebec

PhysicsLen Fisher******* Bristol U., UK

Jerome Friedman* MIT

Sheldon Glashow* Boston U.

Karl Kruszelnicki******* U. Sydney

Harry Lipkin Weizmann Inst.

Douglas Osheroff* Stanford U.

Mel Schwartz* Columbia U.

Political ScienceRichard G. Neimi**** Rochester, NY

Psychiatry and NeurologyRobert Hoffman Peninsula Neurology Daly City, CA

PsychologyLouis G. Lippman Western Wash. U.

G. Neil Martin Middlesex U., UK

Chris McManus******* University Coll. London

Neil J. Salkind U. of Kansas

Pulmonary MedicineDr. Traian MihaescuClinic of Pulmonary

Diseases Iasi, Romania

RadiologyDavid Rabin Highland Park Hosp., IL

Stochastic Processes(selected at random from amongst our subscribers)Teija Kukkonen Raahe, Finland

SociologyJohn Van Maanan**** MIT Sloan School

Women's HealthAndrea Dunaif Northwestern U.

JoAnn Manson Brigham & Women's

Hosp.

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ContentsThe features marked with a star (*) are based entirely on material taken straight from standard research (and other Official and Therefore Always Correct) literature. Many of the other articles are genuine, too, but we don’t know which ones.

Special Special Section Special Section: Everything4 Trinkaus: An Informal Look* Alice Shirrell

Kaswell

16 Kansas Is Flatter Than a Pancake* Mark Fonstad, William Pugatch, and Brandon Vogt

18 Good News for Guys* Stephen Black

19 Size, Timing, Everything, and Nothing* S. Drew

20 Shower Experiment Jeff Van Bueren

30 Pørn Research* Bjørn Fwee

Medical Breakthroughs21 AIRhead Medical Review* Bertha Vanatian

22 The HMO-NO Newsletter: Health Watch!

AIRhead Research Roundup*

23 AIRhead Research Review* Dirk Manley

24 Boys Will Be Boys* Katherine Lee

26 May We Recommend* Stephen Drew

27 Soft is Hard* Alice Shirrell Kaswell, G. Neil Martin, and Bissell Mango

31 Icky Cutesy Research Review* Alice Shirrell Kaswell

Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)

The journal of record for inflated research and personalities.

Volume 9, Number 3 • May./June 2003 ISSN 1079-5146

News & Notes2 AIR Vents (letters from our readers)28 Plausible Statistics

28 Solution to Last Issue’s Puzzler

25 Bends on the Learning Curve Richard Lederer

Cartoons, Poetry, Images, and Opera

28 Rutherford as a Kid Nick Kim

29 “Craig’s DNA” Marc Abrahams

Miscellany22 Teachers’ Guide25 Ig Info29 AIR books31 Stale AIR

IBC Unclassified AdsIBC AIR Info

On the Front CoverPlaster copy of Michelangelo’s statue of David, in the Victoria and Albert Museum, London. March 2003. Photo: S. Drew.

On the Back CoverPlaster fig leaf in the Victoria and Albert Museum, London. This item was made specially for Queen Victoria’s visits to the museum. Prior to her arrival, it would be affixed to an appropriate spot on the front of the plaster copy of Michelangelo’s statue of David. The leaf now hangs on the back of the statue, accompanied by a sign that explains its history. According to the museum, the fig leaf is likely to have been made by the Anglo-Italian firm D. Brucciani & Company. Photo: S. Drew.


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AIR Vents

Exhalations from our readers

NOTE: The opinions ex-pressed here represent the opinions of the authors and do not necessarily represent the opinions of those who hold other opinions.

Men Magnet I have had this photograph in my files ever since my lab supervisor gave it to me when he retired in 1958. He

said he didn’t know what the hell it was. Neither do I. Maybe one of your readers can offer enlightenment. It reminds me of that Ig No-bel Prize that was awarded a few years ago for using a magnet to levitate a frog — but I don’t think that’s what’s going on in this picture.

Eli H. LeeUniversity of Minnesota

Morris, MN

Inspired by Frogs (1)I attended your Ig Nobel presentation in London on March 6. Then, with my memory still fresh with the magnetic levitating frogs, I happened upon the follow-ing passage from Pliny’s Natural History: “The archi-tect Timochares had begun to use lodestone in the construction of the vaulting of the Temple of Arsinoe at Alexandria so that the iron statue it housed might appear to be suspended in mid-air, but the project was halted by his death...” The citation is from Pliny

the Elder, Natural History: A Selection, (trans. J.F. Healy), Penguin books.

Dr. Danny O’Hare, Cchem, MRCS

Physiological Flow Studies Group

Dept. of BioengineeringImperial College

London, UK

Inspired by Frogs (2)[EDITOR’S NOTE: Michael

Berry, one of the participants in the March 6 London event, subse-quently heard about O’Hare’s discovery of Tomochares’s plan. Here is his reaction.]Tomochares’s plan, as re-

ported by Pliny the Elder, would have been frustrated by Earnshaw’s theorem (the levitation would have been unstable). But there is evidence that Lord Kelvin (around 1850) understood that levitation of dia-magnetic bodies (as later achieved by Andrey Geim with his frog) can be stable, and he speculated that this might be the physics under-lying the legend about the levitation of Mohammed’s coffin.

Sir Michael BerryRoyal Society Research Profes-

sorBristol University

Bristol, UK

Mel and his ColleaguesAll those photos you’ve been showing with Mel and his colleagues at historical places and junctures has inspired me to dig through our archives. Sure enough, we have a trove of what I guess you have to call “Me-liana.” Here is a photo of Mel and our chemistry de-partment and the alumni on one of their annual picnic/research outings. Mel is in the first row somewhere on the left.

Jenson DaviesProfessor Emeritus

Chemistry and Life Biology Department

Adamantine UniversityAdamantine, Utah

Says Nature Is a Goat As I am sure you are now aware, Nature has made the strange editorial decision of inserting a space into the common name of the goat-fish, Parupeneus forskalii. (See, for example, their Feb-ruary 21, 2003 issue.) With the space and removed from context, I found that even a background in bio-logical oceanography gave me no ability whatsoever to make head or tails, so to speak, of what the article might mean.

Tim FeinsteinPhD candidate

Carnegie Mellon UniversityPittsburgh, PA

Heads of the Postal ServiceI just read your article on mailing odd things (“Postal Experiments,” AIR 6:4) and I want to share my story. I sell plastic skeletons, and two years ago I thought it would be funny to take some life-size replica skulls, write an address on the forehead, affix a stamp (I think it was the $3.20 stamp) and mail them as Halloween “cards.” The postal clerks consulted books, called the postmaster, and had an impromptu meeting of the staff, but in the end they accepted my 50-some-odd skulls. Every single skull reached its destination but


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one did arrive wrapped in brown paper. Those who received the skulls talk of it to this day.

Mike DrakeGalvant.com

Middlesex, NJ

Nut Notion I read with interest Eliz-abeth Daniger’s recent correspondence inquiring about the identity of the nut, while disavowing any interest in the nature of the quarrel about the nut. I myself have long believed that the quarrel was in fact about the identity of the nut (there being, it seems, little else to quarrel about with respect to a nut). So the two issues may not be as separable as she would like them to be. However, at risk of starting yet another tiresome nut-related quar-rel, I will put forward my opinion that it is a hazelnut.

Ben HallerRedwood City, CA

Hummus: Hmm...I recently visited the United States, where I collected samples of native and non-native nutrients and food-stuffs. Your recent series of articles about pseudo-hummus failed to mention one of the most intriguing things which I encountered

on my expedition. Here is a photograph of something that is labeled “The Hum-mus Eater’s Hummus.” Please to ask: what OTHER kinds of hummus are there?

Dr. Nadia BagdjaJakarta, Indonesia

Wonders About MelIt is driving me insane. Who is that Mel person whose picture you keep repro-ducing and reproducing on your letters page? Why do you do this?

Chloe AlonsoDirector

Instituto de ClimaMendoza, Argentina

Measured ResponseIn answer to may several critics: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Publish your own newsletter! Communicate with fellow particle physicists, ham radio nuts, or collectors of antique sledge hammers! I’ve done it for years. Publish in quaint old ink and paper or in fleeting electrons, or both. I can help you get started or do it all for you! [email protected]

ANALYTICALCONSUMERANALYTICALCONSUMER

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no,no, no,

no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.That, I trust, settles that.

Dr. Milton StanstonehaughGlasgow, Scotland


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Trinkaus: An Informal LookA glance at the colorful research of an under-publicized scientist

by Alice Shirrell Kaswell, with research assistance from Rachael Moeller Gorman

ohn W. Trinkaus is the rare researcher whose interests and activities suggest the famous passage in Lewis Carroll’s poem “The Walrus and The Carpenter”:

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,“To talk of many things:

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —Of cabbages — and kings —

And why the sea is boiling hot —And whether pigs have wings.”

For Trinkaus, of the Zicklin School of Business, Bernard M. Baruch College, City University of New York, such a diversity of topics is the norm. During the past 25 years he has conducted research on shoes — and trains — and bakery wrapping-tissues — on Brussels sprouts — and business students — and why com-muters carry attaché cases — and whether most people wear baseball-type caps with the bill facing back-wards. These are just a few of his interests.John Trinkaus has published a modest corpus of reports, of which the 86 papers described below are a healthy sampling. On many topics, Trinkaus returned over and again, both to replicate his findings and to delve deeper.For a full appreciation of John Trinkaus’s body of work, one must go to the library and read the original reports in their full detail. For those who have yet to enjoy that experience, here is a quick, and rather haphaz-ard, sampling of what to expect.

The Early YearsTrinkaus’s first published paper — a 1978 examination of the motivations of potential jurors — is of interest to scholars of that subject, of course, but it is also of larger significance. So far as we are aware, this was the first of his signature pieces — each modestly claiming to be an “Informal Look” at some dazzlingly under-ex-plored subject. Even at this early stage of his career, Trinkaus was conducting multiple lines of research, and publishing on an unusual variety of topics.

* * *(1) “Jury Service: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 43, no. 3, part 1, December 1978, p. 788.

Used participant observation to study 56 potential jurors... Results support the contention of W. Pabst et al. (1976) that potential jurors are divided into those who do and those who do not want to serve.

(2) “Workers’ Arrivals and Departures: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 44, no. 2, April 1979, p. 554.

Suggests that rank-and-file employees do not arrive at the workplace much before the starting time and depart as quickly as possible after the quitting time. Owner-managers, conversely, arrive early and leave late. These assumptions were supported by informal observations of the arrival and depar-ture of ”luxury” cars, assumed to belong to the owner-managers, and ”economy” cars, assumed to belong to the employees, at a suburban industrial parking site.

(3) “Buyers’ Price Perception at a Flea Market: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 46, no. 1, February 1980, p. 266.

Investigated whether buyers at flea markets would display a high degree of price awareness. An informal inquiry showed this not to be the case.

(4) “Preconditioning an Audience for Mental Magic: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 51, no.1, August 1980, p. 262.


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An Informal Guide To Selected Trinkaus Research Topics. Each number corresponds to a citation presented in the body of this article.

Baseball-type caps, manner of wearing — 62, 69Bicyclists, 22, 28Biorhythms — 7Brussels sprouts, taste preference for — 54Business students’ feelings about the academy and themselves — 49Buzzwords in political commercials — 80Cases, attaché, opening — 36Cases, attaché, locks — 48Cases, document — 8, 36, 48Cell phones, drivers’ use of — 46Chapel attendance (drop-in) — 66Class session cancellations, students’ erroneous report-ing of — 86Cookies said to be baked by AIDS patients, misgivings about eating — 40Course grades, assessing probability of attaining specific — 27Diagnostic medical procedures, estimating costs of — 35Doors, open versus closed, behavior of people regard-ing — 44, 45Elevators, communications in — 12Empty beverage containers, returning — 14, 18Expensive versus inexpensive cars, behavior of owners of — 2Fads of yesteryear — 16Flea market — 3Fruits and vegetables, business students’ consumption of — 53, 54Games, arcade — 9Games, video — 9Gloves, lost — 78Health care, constitutionality of — 56Husbands with working wives — 25Integrity, the word — 73Jurors, potential, distinction between willing and unwilling — 1Laps, swimming — 61Littering — 18Lodging discount coupons — 47Looks, another — 7, 11, 19, 28, 29, 32, 38, 45, 69, 74, 81, 84Look, final — 72Look, follow-up — 58Look, further — 31

Look, an informal — 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27, 30, 33, 34, 35, 40, 41, 42, 43, 46, 47, 48, 49, 51, 52, 53, 54, 56, 57, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 66, 67, 68, 70, 73, 75, 76, 77, 79, 80, 82, 83, 85, 86Manners, business — 33Medications prescribed by physicians, college stu-dents’ knowledge of and/or desire to know more — 50Mentalists, preconditioning of an audience by — 4Motor vehicle license — 5Multiple choice test questions, opinions about whether to change answers of — 52Name recognition — 30, 38Numbers, thinking with — 4, 41Opinions, contemporary — 26, 37, 39Parking areas, crowds in — 60Parking areas, cutting through — 65Parking areas, for handicapped — 13, 15Parking violations — 13, 15Physical disabilities, disclosure of — 24Physicians’ offices, waiting time in — 20Probability, verbal characterization of — 27, 32Queasiness — 42Railroad departure service, varying quality of — 55Railway terminals — 9, 45, 51, 55Sirens, use of — 34Sport shoes, color preference for — 51“Stuff,” personal — 78Supermarket checkout, counting of items at — 43, 59, 84Supermarket checkout, delays at — 70Tongs and tissues, bakery — 76Traffic, intersections, blocking — 82Traffic, left-turning — 75, 81Traffic, shopping center parking violations — 85Traffic, school zone speed limit compliance — 68, 74, 77Traffic stop lights — 10, 19, 22, 28Traffic stop signs — 6, 11, 31, 58, 72, 79Traffic, yielding to — 21, 29TV game show contestants, handicapped — 17, 83TV game show contestants, married — 25TV, advertising of products and the handicapped — 64Uncooked ground beef, shoppers’ perceptions about — 67Video display terminals, perceptions of — 23


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(5) “Honesty at a Motor Vehicle Bureau: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 51, no. 3, part 2, December 1980, p. 1252.

Assessed the veracity of people taking vision tests at a district office of a motor vehicle bureau.... Results suggest that, when given an option, a sizeable percentage of people may well elect a style of behavior that is neither completely honest nor dishonest.

An Approach to Stop LightsIn the early 1980s, Trinkaus had begun to look, albeit informally, at several of the themes to which he would return time and again. Attaché cases, beverage container return behavior, behavior in a commuter railroad passenger station — all made their first appearance during this period. 1982 saw the first Trinkaus paper on stop sign compliance. That opened the door to stop lights, and also to parking regulation compliance.Curiously, the first of Trinkaus’s “Another Look” series — the 1982 report “Biorhythms: Another Look,” was (so far as we have been able to determine) the very first paper he published about biorhythms. As such, it is a charming anomaly. Each of the subsequent “Another Look”s — 1983’s “Stop Sign Compliance — Another Look,” for example — marked a return to one or another subject on which Trinkaus had already established a solid record of publications.Trinkaus was to revisit the stop sign question over and again, with “... Another Look” in 1983, “... A Further Look” in 1988, “...A Follow-Up Look) in 1993, and “...A Final Look” in 1997.

* * * (6) “Stop Sign Compliance: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 50, no. 1, February 1982, p. 288.

[A]n informal longitudinal study was conducted in a suburban metropolitan New York community. Results suggest a decline in the frequency of driver compliance.

(7) “Biorhythms: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, A. Booke, Psychological Reports, vol. 50, no. 2, April 1982, pp. 396-8.

Analyzed 881 motor vehicle accident reports... A uniform distribution of accidents across stages in biorhythmic cycles was found, casting doubt on the validity of biorhythmic theory.

(8) “Carrying Document Cases: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 51, no. 2, October 1982, p. 430.

Observed people carrying document cases leaving a railroad station during morning rush hour. Observations were made at the 4 major exits, 1 exit/day for 4 days. 500 obser-vations were made each day. About 1 out of 5 people carried such a case, and 71.8% were men. Results suggest that the act of carrying a document case is a status symbol. However, considerations of functional utility also have importance.

(9) “Arcade Video Games: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 52, no. 2, April 1983, p. 586.

Observed the activity at 5 Pac-Man games and 6 Ms. Pac-Man games in a commuter railroad passenger station in New York City during the morning rush hour (0700-0930), lunchtime


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(1130-1200), and the eve-ning rush hour (1600-1830). 75 30-min nonrepetitive viewings were conducted. During observation, all machines were constantly in use. There were 8 male for every 3 female players; players usually played 2 sessions in the morning and at lunch but 3 sessions in the evening.

(10) “Stop-Light Compliance — An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 57, no. 3, December 1983, p. 846.(11) “Stop Sign Compliance — Another Look,” Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 57, no. 3, December 1983, p. 922.(12) “Human Communications: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, D. Recht, K. Shyman, Psychological Reports, vol. 53, no. 2, October 1983, p. 374.

Studied whether 750 riders of low-speed self-service elevators were inclined to respond with short utterances when 1 of 2 questions was asked of them: ”Is this car going up?” or ”Is this car going down?” Results indicate that Ss tended to limit their communications...

(13) “Compliance with Parking for Handicapped: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 58, no. 1, February 1984, p. 114.

Observed the compliance with handicapped parking regulations at a suburban neighborhood shop-ping center.... 30 citings of convenience were taken... Findings show that in the absence of police enforcement, general observance of parking restrictions... was normally practiced only when conve-nient.

(14) “Returnable Beverage Containers: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 58, no. 2, April 1984, p. 550.

Observed the practice of patrons, on leaving a 146-seat cafeteria-style pizzeria, in returning bottles and cans for a refund of a state-mandated beverage-container deposit of $.05. 40 convenience view-ings were made at the rate of 1/day, and 20 Ss were observed during each period.... Findings suggest that the contention that people are not economic beings is accurate at the $.05-level.

Matters of the MallTrinkaus’s first publication of 1984 had introduced his readers to an innova-tion they would come to relish. There, for the first time, the author described research he had conducted in or near a shopping mall.Almost immediately, he extended his inquiries, while simultaneously delv-ing further into mysteries related to parking. And he continued adding new topics to his research portfolio.

* * * (15) “Shopping Mall Parking Vio-lations: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 59, no. 1, August 1984, p. 30.


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Studied violations of handicapped parking space at a shopping mall to determine the ratio of ex-pensive to inexpensive vehicles in improper parking spaces. The proportion of improperly parked expensive to inexpensive cars in handicapped driver spaces was about the same as that of all convey-ances using the lot. It is suggested that parking violations are more a function of prevailing cultural norms than of automobile purchase prices.

(16) “Merchandise Fads of Yesteryear: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 55, no. 2, October 1984, pp. 401-2.

Administered a questionnaire to 720 business undergraduates asking 4 questions (e.g., Do you own one?) about 14 product fads in the US, 1772 to 1975. Results show that Ss had a relatively fair recol-lection of the items. Of those Ss who remembered the items, only a relatively few had, or still have, ownership.

(17) “Societal Activities and the Handicapped: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 59, no. 2, October 1984, p. 526.

TV game shows broadcast in one urban area over a 6-mo period were observed to determine the number of contestants who appeared to be disabled (i.e., displaying an inability to walk or stand unaided or sight or hearing deficits).... It is suggested that the handicapped may shun such events because they have been conditioned to believe that they are unable to cope for themselves or compete with others.

(18) “A Bottle Law: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 59, no. 3, December 1984, p. 806.

Conducted observations before and after the passage of a 1983 statute that mandated the payment of a deposit of returnable soft-drink cans and bottles.... Approximately 47 bottles and cans were ob-served along a block-long path of a city park each day prior to the statute and approximately 2 each day 1 yr later.

(19) “Stop-Light Compliance: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 59, no. 3, December 1984, p. 814.

[R]eplicat[ed] J. Trinkaus’s (1983) 45 1-hr observations of a major traffic intersection... [R]esults show that violation of stop-light compliance rose 15% since Trinkaus’s study... Possible factors contributing to increased violations are discussed.

Time Hangs Heavy?1985 was the year Trinkaus’s publications began to show a deep interest in, and appreciation of, the questions of waiting, obstruction, and delay. The next few years also saw seminal work dealing with bicyclists, with the mental constructs of business students, and, of course, with additional new subjects.

* * *(20) “Waiting Times in Physicians’ Offices: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 61, no. 1, August 1985, p. 162.(21) “Yielding the Right of Way: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 61, August 1985, p. 222.(22) “Stop-light Compliance by Cyclists: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 61, no. 3, part 1, December 1985, p. 814.

Observed cyclists’ observance of stoplights at major traffic intersections in a large city. Results suggest that most cyclists stop only when safe passage through the intersection is not possible.

0Examined whether 750 undergraduates felt that cathode ray tubes (CRTs) are detrimental to a user’s health. Females appeared to perceive CRTs as less hazardous than did males. Also, the older the group, the greater the tendency to feel the terminals were dangerous.

(23) “Perceived Hazard of Video Display Terminals: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 62, no. 1, February 1986, p. 118.

Examined whether 750 undergraduates felt that cathode ray tubes (CRTs) are detrimental to a user’s health. Females appeared to perceive CRTs as less hazardous than did males. Also, the older the group, the greater the tendency to feel the terminals were dangerous.


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(24) “Disclosure of a Physical Disability — An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 62, no. 1, February 1986, pp. 157-8.(25) “Husbands With Working Wives: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 63, no. 3, December 1986, p. 1190.

Examination of the employment pattern of 351 couples appearing as contestants on a TV quiz program showed 68% of employed hus-bands had an employed wife...

(26) “Contemporary Opinions of Business Issues: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 64, no. 1, February 1987, pp. 237-8.

Data from 491 undergraduate and 167 graduate students of a school of business showed lack of congruence of opinion on contemporary issues... with that of 2,750 practitioners in the business world.

(27) “How Business Students and Faculty Quantify Probability Expres-sions: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 65, no. 1, August 1987, p. 157-8.

Examined the quantitative equivalents... associated with qualitative expressions concerning the probability of attainment of a course grade. Findings suggest that stu-dents displayed a wider variation in their perception than did faculty.

(28) “Stop-light Compliance by Cyclists: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 66, no. 1, February 1988, p. 158.

An increase in cyclists’ compliance with stoplights over levels previously observed by the present author is attributed to enhanced traffic enforcement by the New York City Department of Transpor-tation.

(29) “Yielding the Right of Way — Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 67, no. 2, Octo-ber 1988, p. 622.(30) “Name Recognition — An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 67, no. 2, October 1988, p. 646. (31) “Stop Sign Compliance — A Further Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 67, no. 2, October 1988, p. 670. (32) “How Business Students and Faculty Quantify Probability Expressions: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Per-ceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 68, no. 1, February 1989, pp. 97-8.

Using a set of codified human resource management expres-sions, it was shown that 45 faculty and 148 college students, when discussing qualitative probabilities associated with accepting job offers, differed in their understanding as to what was being said.

(33) “Business Manners — An In-formal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 68, part 3, June 1989, pp. 945-6.

Motorists ̓Use of SirensAs the 1990s approached, Trinkaus addressed new, and increasingly serious, matters of public concern.


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Noise, health, recognition, and queasiness characterized the next phase of his work. Nevertheless, driving, parking, and matters of compliance were never wholly absent from his mind, or at least one might infer that by a look at some of the papers published during this period. New topics continued to appear, as well.

* * *(34) “Motorists’ Use of Sirens: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 68, part 3, June 1989, p. 1190.(35) “Estimating Costs of Diagnostic Medical Procedures: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 69, no. 1, August 1989, pp. 137-138. (36) “Opening an Attaché Case: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 69, October 1989, p. 618.(37) “Contemporary Opinions on Health Issues: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 69, no. 3, part 1, December 1989, pp. 867-71.(38) “Name Recognition: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 69, no. 3, part 2, De-cember 1989, p. 1298.

760 business students responded to a survey [various prominent people].... Results corroborated pre-vious findings by Trinkaus (1988).

(39) “Contemporary Opinions on Health Issues: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 70, no. 1, February 1990, pp. 97-8.(40) “Misgivings About AIDS Transmission: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, M. Chow, Psychological Reports, vol. 66, no. 3, part 1, June 1990, p. 810.

Surveyed 435 college freshmen about whether they would eat cookies baked by a recently discharged acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) patient. Compared with 45 medical doctors (G. Worm-ser and C. Joline, 1989), students were more accepting.

(41) “Thinking With Numbers: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 70, no. 3, part 1, June 1990, pp. 957-8.(42) “Queasiness: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, M. Chow, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 70, part 2, June 1990, pp. 1393-4.

Out Which WayExits, and questions of quantification — especially in the supermarket — blazed forth as featured subjects of Trinkaus’s research in the early 90s. So, too, did cellular telephone use by drivers, the use of attaché case locks, and the puzzle of color preference in sport shoes. And there were, of course, other new topics added to the publication mix.

* * *(43) “Defining the Supermarket ‘Item’: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 71, August 1990, p. 350.(44) “Exiting a Building: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 71, October 1990, p. 446.(45) “Exiting: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 71, no. 3, part 2, December 1990, pp. 1317-8.

Confirmed J. Trinkaus’s (1990) study which showed that students preferred to exit via an open door. Most of about 102 persons per 201 train arrivals observed on 25 occasions chose an open vs a closed door to exit a train station.

(46) “Usage of Cellular Telephones: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 71, no. 3, part 2, December 1990, pp. 1375-6.(47) “The Lodging Discount Coupon: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 72, Feb-ruary 1991, p. 18.


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(48) “The Attaché Case Combination Lock: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 72, April 1991, p. 466.(49) “Business Students’ Feelings About the Academy and Themselves: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Per-ceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 72, no. 2, April 1991, pp. 699-702.(50) “Medications and Information for Patients: A Quick Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 68, no. 3, part 1, June 1991, pp. 911-4.(51) “Color Preference in Sport Shoes: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 73, no. 2, October 1991, pp. 613-4.

659 of 1,937 women (34%) and 193 of 2,794 men (7%) observed at a railway terminal on 5 workdays were wearing sport shoes. Of them, 659 (34%) of the women and 152 (79%) of the men were wearing white sport shoes. It is unclear whether this predominance of white reflects a genuine preference for the color or merely mirrors the color range available. The greater incidence of women wearing sport shoes suggests that women’s business shoes may not be as comfortable for walking as men’s.

(52) “Changing Multiple-Choice Test Answers: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 69, no. 3, part 1, December 1991, pp. 769-70.

442 undergraduates responded to the following question: Do you believe that changing your initial answers on a multiple-choice test will probably lower your score? ... Results are congruent with the findings of M. Greiger.

The Celebrated Brussels SproutsLate in 1991, Trinkaus caught a sizeable portion of the world’s attention with his informal look at taste prefer-ence for Brussels sprouts. His nearly simultaneous informal examination of the fruit and vegetable compo-nents of business students’ diets was rather overlooked in the hoopla. So great and long-lasting was the glare from the Brussels sprouts, that much of the world simply did not no-tice Trinkaus’s equally fine work over the next several years on stop sign compliance, on commuter train line service irregularity, on a short-lived commuter parking lot crowd, and in 1993’s remarkable “Compliance With the Item Limit of the Food Supermarket Express Checkout Lane: An Informal Look.”It was not until October, 1993 that things calmed down enough for people to see what was plain before them. It was at that point that Trinkaus served up his breakthrough paper about the behavior of people swimming laps in a pool.

* * *(53) “The Fruit and Vegetable Component of Students’ Diets: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 69, part 1, December 1991, pp. 844-6.

An informal inquiry of 442 business stu-dents as to their consumption of fruits and vegetables showed that, while these foods are normally consumed daily, the number of servings per day was generally less than that recommended by the US Depart-ment of Health and Human Services.

(54) “Taste Preference For Brussels Sprouts: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, K. Dennis,


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Psychological Reports, vol. 69, no. 3, part 2, special issue, December 1991, pp. 1165-6.

Conducted an inquiry of the taste preference of 442 baccalaureate business students for brussels sprouts. Results reveal about a 50% dislike of the vegetable, a 40% indif-ference, and a 10% liking.

(55) “Contrasting Departure Service of Commuter Railroad Trains: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 74, no 1, February 1992, pp. 169-70.

50 convenience observations over the course of 12 mo suggest that the quality of passenger service provided by a commuter railroad varies among train lines.

(56) “Perceptions About the Constitutionality of Health Care: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 75, no. 3, part 2, December 1992, pp. 1193-4.(57) “Some Students’ Perceptions About AIDS: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 75, no. 3, part 2, December 1992, pp. 1344-6.(58) “Stop Sign Compliance: A Follow-Up Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 76, no. 3, part 2, June 1993, p. 1218.

Analysis of 324 observations at an intersection previously studied by J. Trinkaus (1988) showed a continuing decrease in full stops with increased rolling and no stops...

(59) “Compliance With the Item Limit of the Food Supermarket Express Checkout Lane: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 73, no. 1, August 1993, p. 105-6.

75 15-min observations of customers’ behavior at a food supermarket showed that only about 15% of shoppers observed the item limit of the express lane.... Results indicate a tendency not to play by the rules in the absence of meaningful real or imagined constraints.

(60) “An Informal Look at a Short-Lived Commuter Parking Lot Crowd,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 77, no. 2, October 1993, pp. 449-50.

Daily observations traced informal commuter action in using a newly cleared unposted field for station parking. During approximately 10 wks from the time the space became available until it was closed off (by fencing) a number of conventional characteristics of crowd behavior were evidenced.

(61) “Swimming Laps: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 73, no. 2, October 1993, pp. 665-6.

An informal inquiry consisting of 105 observations suggests that, when given a choice, most swim-mers opted to swim laps in shallow rather than deep water.

Caps, Chapel Attendance, and Perceptions of Ground BeefThe years 1994 and 1995 were an especially fruitful period for Trinkaus. His April, 1994 paper on baseball-type caps brought him recognition of unprecedented reach and scope. And that was just the beginning. Many of the topics on which he published during this golden period — including several entirely new ones — are of interest to specialists and generalists alike.

* * *(62) “Wearing Baseball-Type Caps: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 74, no. 2, April 1994, pp. 585-6.

Observed 407 people wearing baseball-type caps with the peak in back in the downtown area and on 2 college campuses (1 in an inner borough and 1 in an outer borough) of a large city. About 40% of Ss


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in the downtown area and at the inner-bor-ough college wore the cap with the peak to the rear, while about 10% of the outer-bor-ough college Ss had the peak to the rear.

(63) “Television Station Weather-Persons’ Winter Storm Predictions: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 79, no. 1, part 1, August 1994, pp. 65-6.(64) “Cable Television Home-Shopping Stations and Disabled Persons: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 79, no. 1, part 1, August 1994, pp. 185-6. (65) “Cutting Corners: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 79, no. 3, part 1, December 1994, pp. 1089-90.

Presents data demonstrating that motorists are increasingly violating traffic laws by cutting through store parking areas to avoid stop signals and bypass slow-moving traffic. An informal inquiry at 2 heavily trafficked intersections suggested a rate of occurrence that ranged from about 2 per hour to approximately 1 every 2 hrs.

(66) “Drop-In Chapel Attendance: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 75, no. 3, part 1, December 1994, pp. 1193-4.(67) “Some Perceptions of Shoppers About Uncooked Ground Beef: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 81, no. 1, August 1995, pp. 32-4.

An informal poll of 100 shoppers suggested that the freshness of hamburger meat is judged by its color.... Six telephone inquiries made to the United States Department of Agriculture revealed that oxygenation led to color changes in still consumable beef.

(68) “Compliance With a School Zone Speed Limit: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 82, no. 2, April 1996, pp. 433-4.

Observance of 2,105 vehicles passing a suburban elementary school showed that about 90% were ex-ceeding the posted speed limit. This finding lends support to the conventional wisdom that motorists’ compliance with traffic regulations is relatively low.

(69) “Wearing Baseball-Type Caps: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus and Maria Divino, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 82, no. 3, Part 1, June 1996, p. 754.

Another look on two college campuses at the practice of wearing baseball-type caps with the peak in the back showed a decline in the inner city school and an increase in the suburban school.

(70) “Delays in Clearing the Self-Service Store Check-Out Counter: An Informal Look,” John Trinkaus and Maria Divino, Psychological Reports, vol. 80, no. 2, April 1997, pp. 508-10.(71) “The Demise of ‘Yes’: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 84, no. 3, part 1, June 1997, p. 866.

For affirmative responses to simple interrogatories, the use of ”absolutely” and ”exactly” may be becoming more socially frequent than ”yes.” A counting of positive replies to 419 questions on several TV networks showed 249 answers of ”absolutely,” 117 ”exactly,” and 53 of ”yes.”

Heavy Going, With Integrity and GlovesAfter the glitter of the baseball-type-cap years, Trinkaus concentrated on what some might consider heavy go-ing — a renewed, concentrated examination of stop sign compliance and a first look at left-turning traffic, as well as side-explorations of the use of the word “integrity,” of behavior concerning bakery department tongs and tissues, and of certain aspects of the concept of disappearing gloves.The first publication of this period was Trinkaus’s first — and to date only — “Final Look” paper.

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(72) “Stop Sign Compliance: A Final Look,” J. Trinkhaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 85, no 1, August 1997, p. 217.(73) “Conversational Usage of ‘Integrity’: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 86, no. 2, April 1998, pp. 585-6.

Investigated the use of the noun ”integ-rity” in social conversation. A counting of its employment during 67 half-hr tele-vision talk shows showed 7 instances. The author concludes that the use of the word is fading.

(74) “Compliance With a School Zone Limit: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 87, no. 2, October 1998, pp. 673-4.

Replication of a study (J. Trinkaus, 1996) conducted three years earlier as to the rate of drivers’ com-pliance with the posted speed limit of a school zone showed a decline from about 11% to 8%.

(75) “An Informal Look at Left-Turning Traffic,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 87, no. 2, October 1998, pp. 701-2.(76) “An Informal Look at Use of Bakery Department Tongs and Tissues,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 87, no. 3, part 1, December 1998, pp. 801-2.

Of 108 people observed extracting for purchase rolls or pastries from displayed bulk stock in food supermarket bakery departments, about 90% used their hands for item selection and withdrawal rather than the store provided tongs. In stores where tissues were pro-vided instead of tongs, approximately 60% of the 133 people who were ob-served used their hands.(77) “School Zone Limit Dis-senters: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Mo-tor Skills, vol. 88, no. 1, part 1, June 1999, p. 1056.(78) “Gloves as Vanishing Personal ‘Stuff’: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psycho-logical Reports, vol. 84, no. 3, part 2, June 1999, p. 1187.Presents an informal dis-cussion on the mystery

of vanishing personal ‘stuff’ such as gloves. Definition of ‘personal stuff’ and its distinct categories; Author’s analysis on disappearing gloves.


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Women in VansThe year 1999 saw the first publication that mentioned Trinkaus’s eye-opening discoveries about women driv-ing vans. This particular paper was, in other respects, a continuation of, and elaboration on, his work on stop sign dissenters. As ever, the progression of new topics continued apace, as did the further elaboraton of many matters begun in earlier times.

* * *(79) “Stop Sign Dissenters: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 89, no. 3, part 2, December 1999, pp. 1193-4.

Observations were made at the same 4 T-junction intersections in a residential community in the suburbs of a large northeastern city. Two characteristics were selected for viewing: type of vehicle and sex of driver. Data for 8 90-min observations suggest an overall compliance rate of about 6% with stop signs in a residential community. Women driving vans were the least compliant—approximately 1%.

(80) “Buzzwords in Campaign 2000 as Possible Rank Index of Contemporary Social Issues: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 88, no. 2, April 2001, pp. 365-6.(81) “Left Turning Traffic Procrastinators: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 90, no. 3, part 1, June 2000, pp. 961-2.

A total of 56 1-hr observations were made. The results indicate that operators of lead vehicles moved out more slowly when someone was waiting behind them, especially women driving vans. These data confirm the results of an earlier study (J. Trinkaus, 1998).

(82) “Blocking the Box: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 89, no. 2, October 2001, pp. 315-6.

Data for 32 1-hr. observations in a residential community showed about 200 violations of a traffic regulation requiring motorists to keep intersections clear. Women driving vans were the least com-pliant — accounting for approximately 40% of the total.

(83) “Diversity and the Handicapped: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 89, no. 2, October 2001, pp. 369-70.

Data for viewings of 58 television game shows suggests none of the 157 observed contestants to be physically handicapped.

(84) “Compliance With the Item Limit of the Food Supermarket Express Checkout Lane: Another Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 91, no. 3, part 2, December 2002, pp. 1057-8. (85) “Shopping Center Fire Zone Parking Violators: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Perceptual and Motor Skills, vol. 95, no. 3, part 2, December 2002, pp. 1215-6.

Data for 33 1-hr. observations at a shopping center in a suburban location showed about 700 vio-lations of a traffic regulation prohibiting parking in a fire zone. Women driving vans were the least compliant — accounting for approximately 35% of the total.

(86) “Students’ Course and Faculty Evaluations: An Informal Look,” J. Trinkaus, Psychological Reports, vol. 91, no. 3, part 2, December 2002, p. 988.

For one class, over 8 consecutive semesters, about 10% of the students completing a course and faculty evaluation form reported one or more ses-sion cancellations, while in actuality there were none.

Into the FutureOne could speculate on which new directions Trinkaus will explore, and which of his many existing interests will be given new illumination. Perhaps most intriguingly, one could wonder which of those well-studied subjects might be accorded the honor of a Final Look. But to guess at any of these things would be pointless. If history is any guide, John Trinkaus will continue to surprise us. We can but marvel at the tenacity of his apparently boundless, and wonderfully curious, enthusiasm.


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Kansas Is Flatter Than a Pancakeby Mark Fonstad1, William Pugatch1, and Brandon Vogt2

1. Department of Geography, Southwest Texas State University, San Marcos, Texas2. Department of Geography, Arizona State University, Tempe, Arizona

In this report, we apply basic scientific techniques to the answer the question “Is Kansas as flat as a pan-cake?”

While driving across the American Midwest, it is common to hear travelers remark, “This state is as flat as a pancake.” To the authors, this adage seems to qualitatively capture some characteristic of a topographic geodetic survey2. This obvious question “how flat is a pancake” spurned our analytical interest, and we set out to find the “flatness” of both a pancake and one particular state: Kansas.

A Technical Approach to Pancakes and Kansas Barring the acquisition of either a Kansas-sized pancake or a pancake-sized Kansas, mathematical techniques are needed to do a proper comparison. Some readers may find the comparing of a pancake and Kansas to be analogous to the comparing of apples and oranges; we refer those readers to a 1995 publication by NASA’s Scott Sandford3, who used spectrographic techniques to do a comparison of apples and oranges.One common method of quantifying ‘flatness’ in geodesy is the ‘flattening’ ratio. The length of an ellipse’s (or arc’s) semi-major axis a is compared with its measured semi-minor axis b using the formula for flattening, f = (a – b) / a. A perfectly flat surface will have a flattening f of one, whereas an ellipsoid with equal axis lengths will have no flattening, and f will equal zero. For example, the earth is slightly flattened at the poles due to the earth’s rotation, making its semi-major axis slightly longer than its semi-minor axis, giving a global f of 0.00335. For both Kansas and the pancake, we ap-proximated the local ellipsoid with a second-order polynomial line fit to the cross-sections. These polynomial equations allowed us to estimate the local ellipsoid’s semi-major and semi-minor axes and thus we can calculate the flattening measure f.

Materials and MethodsWe purchased a well-cooked pancake from a local restaurant, the International House of Pancakes, and prepared it for analysis by

Figure 1. (a) A well-cooked pancake; and (b) Kansas1


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separating a 2-cm wide sample strip that had not had time to desiccate. We collected macro-pancake topography through digital image processing of a pancake image and ruler for scale cali-bration (see Figure 2). We made another topographic profile from the sample, using a confocal laser microscope. The importance of this research dictated that we not be daunted by the “No Food or Drink” sign posted in the microscopy room. The microscope collects one eleva-tion point every 10 μm and has a maximum surface diameter of 2 cm (see Figure 3). We measured a west-east profile across Kansas taken from merged 1:250,000 scale digital elevation model (DEM) data from the United States Geological Survey. In general, the spacing between adjacent elevation points on the landscape transects was approximately 90 meters. We extracted surface transects and flatness estimates from the Kansas and pancake DEM data using a geographic information system.

Figure 3 (above). When viewed at a scale of 50 mm, a pancake appears more rugged than the Grand Canyon.Figure 4 (below). Surface topography of Kansas and of a pancake.


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ResultsThe topographic transects of both Kansas and a pancake at millimeter scale are both quite flat, but this first analysis showed that Kansas is clearly flatter (see Figure 4).Mathematically, a value of 1.000 would indicate perfect, platonic flatness. The calculated flatness of the pan-cake transect from the digital image is approximately 0.957, which is pretty flat, but far from perfectly flat. The confocal laser scan showed the pancake surface to be slightly rougher, still. Measuring the flatness of Kansas presented us with a greater challenge than measuring the flatness of the pancake. The state is so flat that the off-the-shelf software produced a flatness value for it of 1. This value was, as they say, too good to be true, so we did a more complex analysis, and after many hours of programming work, we were able to estimate that Kansas’s flatness is approximately 0.9997. That degree of flatness might be described, mathematically, as “damn flat.”

ConclusionSimply put, our results show that Kansas is considerably flatter than a pancake. ❚

Notes1. The photograph of Kansas is of an area near Wichita, Kansas. It may be of significance that the town of Liberal, Kansas hosts the annual ‘International Pancake Day’ festival.2. To pump up our cross-disciplinary name-dropping, we should also mention that recently some quick-thinking cosmologists also described the universe as being “flatter than a pancake” after making detailed measurements of the cosmic background radiation.3. “Comparing Apples and Oranges,” S.A. Sandford, Annals of Improbable Research, vol. 1, no. 3, May/June 1995.

Good News for Guysby Stephen L. Black, Ph.D.Department of PsychologyBishop’s UniversityLennoxville, Quebec, Canada

Two depressing facts seem so well-known that I won’t bother digging up references for them.1) Men die younger than women.2) The only method that is generally known to increase longevity in various species is long-term maintenance on a severely low-calorie diet, i.e. to live in a state of semi-starvation. Not an attractive option, is it?But I’ve just been led to an old paper which convincingly reports a different effective method for increas-ing the longevity of men, and only men. The method leads to an increase in the median age of dying by an impressive 13.5 years. Who wouldn’t want to increase their lifespan by that much! Moreover, the technique resulted in the men who received it outliving women. So there’s hope for us feeble guys after all.And what is this remarkable technique?Castration.Now, who’s first?

Reference“Mortality and Survival: Comparison of Eunuchs With Intact Men and Women in a Mentally Retarded Popu-lation,” J. Hamilton and G. Mestler, Journal of Gerontology, vol. 24, 1969, pp. 395-411.


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Size, Timing, Everything, and Nothing

compiled by S. Drew, AIR staff

Some people say life is all a matter of timing. Others say it’s a matter of size. There are those who say it’s important to try to do everything, and those who insist that nothing is the key to everything. Research bears all of this out. Here are some pertinent published reports about size, timing, everything, and noth-

ing.

Size“Size Is Everything,” Y. Arata, Nature Structural Biology, vol. 4, no. 2, February1997, pp. 93-4“Size Isn’t Everything,” D. Tyler and N.E. Baker, Bioessays, vol. 25, no. 1, January 2003, pp. 5-8.

Timing“Timing Isn’t Everything,” S. Nelson, Neuron, vol. 26, no. 3, June 2000, pp. 545-6.“Timing Is Everything,” K. Fox, Neuron, vol. 27, no. 1, July 2000, pp. :1-3.

What to Do“Do Everything,” R.A. Fronduti, Annals of Internal Medicine, vol. 121, no. 111, December 1994, pp. 900-1.“Doing Nothing,” H.L. Fred, South Medical Journal, vol. 85, no. 4, April 1992, p. 343.

Clarification “When Does ‘Everything’ Mean Everything?” A. Rayo Analysis, vol. 63, no. 278, April 2003, pp. 100-6.

Scientist/supermodelSymmetra says

Go With the Flow!When I’m feeling blue, I like to spend the afternoon doing hydrodynamics.

When I’m feeling out of balance, I drink SymmetraCal. It ensures that I get enough topology, stereochemistry and diuretic biomechanical zing each and every day!

SymmetraCalThe topical drink that evens you out.

Available by prescription if at all.SymmetraCal has been approved by the International Council of SymmetraCal Manufacturers.

WARNING: The Surgeon Generalʼs office has determined that smoking may be harmful to your health.

Mel says..."It's Swell!"


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Shower Experimentby Jeff Van BuerenSan Francisco, California

South American shower heads are sometimes of very unusual design (see photos). They often have an instant heating device that is at-

tached by exposed wiring to a switch outside the shower stall. You get the (cold) water running and then flip on the heater device, which turns the wa-ter tepid or possibly warm, and then you cross yourself and step in.Sometimes there are additional fea-tures, such as the light bulb shown in one of the fixtures here; the bulb may be there to indicate when the heater is on. (Presumably the heater element will burn out if it is on when water if not running).

The ExperimentThe experiment consisted of taking showers us-ing this equipment, and seeing if electrocution would occur.

The ResultsAs evidenced by the writing of this report, I am still alive. In 11 of 11 trials, my one-year, five-year, and ten-year survival was 100%. This is an astounding, considering the frayed wires, cracked tile, lack of power surge protection, and erratic water pressure involved.

FollowupTen years after the experiment, this researcher was conducting a retrospective analysis of the concept of “acceptable risk.” The perception of acceptable risk may be linked to age banding. For example, had I encountered these showers at my current age, I might have chosen to wash in the sink or to not wash. ❚


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AIRhead Medical ReviewImprobable diagnoses, techniques, and research

compiled by Bertha Vanatian, MD

Skin: Sensitivity“Islam, Teaching Dermatologic Surgery, and Porcine Parts,” Lawrence M. Field, Dermatologic Surgery, vol. 27, no. 6, June 2001, pp. 608-9. (Thanks to Angela Rosin for bringing this to our attention.) The author, who is at Stanford University, explains:

In summary, after being faced with great practical difficulties in teaching suturing and dermatologic surgical techniques using cowhides in Islamic Indonesia, consultations with proper religious au-thorities were instituted. After appraising them of the difficulties of using cows’ parts, and informing them of the similarity of pig skin to human skin, it was agreed that the use of pig skin for the teaching of cutaneous surgery was not forbidden by Islamic law. It will be possible in the future to use por-cine parts without the opposition of some uninformed individuals, appropriate permission having been preliminarily sought and obtained. This opinion is applicable to the entire Islamic world in the teaching of dermatologic surgery, and should be applicable to orthodox Juda-ism as well.

Satiety Sneezes“Autosomnal Dominant Sneezing Disor-der Provoked by Fullness of the Stomach” A.S. Teebi and Q.A. Al-Saleh, Journal of Medical Genetics, vol. 26 , 1989 , pp. 539-40.

Secret Ring Lodge“An Unusual Finding on Routine Dental Pan-Oral Tomography,” S. Lloyd, V.R. Talati, and J.P. Ward, British Dental Journal, vol. 176, no. 4, February 19, 1994, pp. 144-6. (Thanks to Simon Richardson for bringing this to our attention.) The authors describe their discovery:

Radio-opaque foreign bodies are com-monly seen in dental pan-oral tomo-graphs. A case is described of the presentation of a patient with a signet ring lodged in the left nasal cavity discovered by routine pan-oral tomography in dental practice, and of its subsequent removal by an otorhinolaryngologist.

Hazardous Stiff Upper Lip“Perioral Dermatitis Secondary to the Use of a Corticosteroid Ointment as Mustache Wax,” E.K. Edwards Jr. and E.K. Edwards Sr., International Journal of Dermatology, vol. 26, no. 10, December 1987, p. 649. (Thanks to Roland Hand for bringing this to our attention.)

We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please enclose the full citation (no abbreviations!) and, if possible, a pho-


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AIR Teachers ̓GuideThree out of five teachers agree: curiosity is a dangerous thing, especially in students. If you are one of the other two teachers, AIR and mini-AIR can be powerful tools. Choose your favorite hAIR-raising article and give copies to your students. The approach is simple. The scientist thinks that he (or she, or whatever), of all people, has discovered something about how the universe behaves. So:• Is this scientist right — and what does “right” mean, anyway?• Can you think of even one different explanation that works as well or better?• Did the test really, really, truly, unquestionably, completely test what the author thought he was test-

ing?• Is the scientist ruthlessly honest with himself about how well his idea explains everything, or could

he be suffering from wishful thinking?• Some people might say this is foolish. Should you take their word for it?

• Other people might say this is absolutely correct and important. Should you take their word for it?

Kids are naturally good scientists. Help them stay that way.

HMO-NOthe very final word in health care

NONewsNews for managed health care professionals and patients

Look for the HMO-NO pyramid—a symbol of ever-growing financial health. Ask your stockbroker for a copy of our prospectus, “Many Happy Returns.” HMO -NO is not affiliated in any way with HMO Blue, BlueChoice, Blue Care Network, CommunityBlue, Kaiser Permanente, or any other competitor. HMO-NO will meet and match any advertised price. We will not be undersold!

Had enough primary care? Choose the quality level that suits you!PermiCare™. If you choose our top-of-the-line PermiCare ™option, we guarantee to keep you alive no matter what, in whole or in parts.TermiCare™. Select from a wide range of TermiCare™ options, all with our unique “right to die” clause, easily and painlessly invoked at either your choice or ours whenever the burden of your illness becomes too great, or too expensive.EconoCare™. Illness can drain your family finances. But with HMO-NO’s EconoCare™ plan there’s no need to worry. If you fall seriously ill, we’ll automatically waive your fees and benefits!

Health Watch!

Everyone has heard the old saying “Time Heals All Wounds.” Like every old saying, there’s a lot of truth in

it. HMO-NO is dedicated to the proposition that it’s healthy to allow nature to take its course. That’s why we

developed the Time Heals/Health WatchTM concept .

Patients who enroll in our new Time Heals/Health Watch PlanTM will have time as their biggest ally.* When

illness or injury knocks on their door, they’ll know that Nature will have plenty of time to effect its own, all-

natural cure. Medical treatments, with their expense and often intrusive concomitants, will used only as a last

resort. With our Time Heals/Health Watch PlanTM there will be no unseemly second-guessing Mother Nature!

HMO-NO. Because we care about you, and your pocketbook.*Each patient also receives — free of charge! — their choice of a fully func-tional wristwatch (some assembly required) or a unifunctional alarm clock (batteries not included).

HMO


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AIRhead Research ReviewImprobable theories, experiments, and conclusions

compiled by Dirk Manley

Flea Versus Flea“A Comparison of Jump Performances of the Dog Flea, Ctenocephalides canis (Curtis, 1826) and the Cat Flea, Ctenocephalides felis felis (Bouche, 1835),” M.C. Cadiergues, C. Joubert, and M. Franc, Veterinary Parasitology, vol. 92, no. 3, October 1, 2000, pp. 239-41. (Thanks to Helio Autran de Morais for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at Ecole Natio-nale Veterinaire de Toulouse, France, report that:

Jump performances of Ctenocephalides canis and Ctenocephalides felis felis have been measured and compared on unfed young imagos. The mean length of the C. felis felis jump was 19.9+/-9.1cm; mini-mum jump was 2cm, and the maximum was one 48cm. The C. canis jump was significantly longer (30.4+/-9.1cm; from 3 to 50cm). For height jump evaluation, grey plastic cylindric tubes measuring 9cm in diameter were used. Their height was increasing from 1 to 30cm by 1cm. Groups of 10 fleas of the same species were deposited on the base of the tube. The number of fleas which succeeded in jumping above the tube was record-ed. The mean height jump carried out by 50% of fleas was calculated after linearisation of the curves: it was 15.5 and 13.2cm for C. canis and C. felis, respectively. The highest jump was 25 for C. canis and 17cm for C. felis.

Hare on the Dog“The Domestication of Social Cognition in Dogs,” Brian Hare, et al., Science, vol. 298, no. 5598, November 22, 2002, pp. 1634-1636.

Hare on the Dog and Cat“Cytogenetics in the Dog and Cat,” W.C. Hare, et al., Journal of Small Animal Practice, vol. 7, no. 9, September 1966, pp. 575-92.

Hare on the Body“Body Composition of Olympic Speed Skating Candidates,” J. Hare, et al., Research Quarterly for Exercise and Sport, vol. 53, no. 2, June 1982, pp. 150-5.

Clean: Data“Physical Demands of Vacuuming in Women Using Different Models of Vacuum Cleaners,” J.F. Norman, J.A. Kautz, H.D. Wengler, and E.R. Lyden, Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise, vol. 35, no. 2, February 2003, pp. 364-9. (Thanks to Kristine Danowski for bringing this to our attention.)

We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please enclose the full citation (no abbreviations!) and, if possible, a pho-tocopy of the paper.


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Boys Will Be BoysResearch by and for adolescent males of all ages and sexes

compiled by Katherine Lee

Bonk, Blink“Lap Burn Due to Laptop Computer,” Claes-Goran Ostenson, Lancet, vol. 360, November 23, 2002, p. 1704. (Thanks to Jim Scobbie, David

Hanauer, and numerous others for bringing this to our attention.) The author, who is at the Karolinska Institute, Stockholm, Sweden, reports that:

The patient, a previously healthy 50-year-old scien-tist and the father of two children, had been writing a report one evening in his home. Sit-ting comfortable in an armchair, he had placed his laptop computer on his lap while writing for about 1 h.... When retrospectively checking the manual of the computer, the following safety instructions were found: “Do not allow your portable computer to operate with the base resting directly on exposed skin. With extended operation, heat can potentially build up in the base. Allowing sustained contact with the

skin could cause discomfort or, eventually, a burn.” In the present case, however, the patient had lap burns although being dressed in trousers and underpants.

Engaging Cheekiness“Charming Buttocks” [article in Hebrew], T. Vago, Harefuah, vol. 137, no. 9, November 1, 1999, pp. 427-8.

The Effects of Pants on Panting“Effect of Different Types of Textiles on Male Sexual Activity,” A. Shafik, Archives of Andrology, vol. 37, no. 2, September 1996, pp. 111-5. (Thanks to Simon Richardson for bringing this to our attention.) The author explains:

Each of the 4 test groups were dressed in one type of textile underpants made of either 100% poly-ester, 50/50% polyester/cotton mix, 100% cotton, or 100% wool. Sexual behavior was assessed before and after 6 and 12 months of wearing the pants, and 6 months after their removal.... The reduction [in sexual activity] was more manifest in the pure polyester than in the polyester/cotton mix group, and at the 12-month than at the 6-month examination.... [P]olyester underpants could have an injurious effect on human sexual activity.

Nasal Irresistability“A Recalcitrant Case of Reflexive Nose Picking. Trigeminal Trophic Syndrome,” Y.Y. Mishriki, Postgraduate Medicine, vol. 106, no. 3, September 1999, pp. 175-6.

Loathe to Take a Position“Position-related Changes in Voiding Dynamics in Men,” M. Riehmann, W.H. Bayer, P.J. Drinka, et al., Urol-ogy, vol. 52, no. 4, October 1998, pp. 625-30. (Thanks to Bill Danko for bringing this to our attention.) The authors, who are at the University of Wisconsin, and the UW Hospital and Clinics, Madison, conclude that:

This area needs further study.


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Bends on the Learning CurveImprobable ideas and explanations collected from classrooms

by Richard Lederer

✣ A canal is a small stream of water made by man.✣ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines

down on them and makes them perspire. ✣One of the main causes of dust is janitors.✣One by-product of raising cattle is calves.✣We know that Bigfoot exists because we have

seen his droppings. They are human-shaped.

✣The pineapple is the chief product of the pine tree.

✣Rotation of crops is so that they can get the sun on all sides.

✣Space is the final front tear.✣A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the

more extinct it gets.

Please send your best specimens, together with sources whenever possible, to Richard Lederer, 10034 Mesa Madera Drive, San Diego, CA 92131 USA

You’re Invited!The Thirteenth 1st Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony

Thursday, October 2, 2003Sanders Theatre, Harvard University. Tickets go on sale in August at Harvard Box Office.

for details see www.improbable.com

Masahiko Kajita of Takara Company holds the 2002 Ig Nobel Peace Prize in one hand and Bow-Lingual, the computer-based dog-to-human language translation device he helped invent, in the other. Photo: David Holzman.


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May We RecommendItems that merit a trip to the library

compiled by Stephen Drew

Tall, Small“A Tall Space With a Small Bottom,” István Juhász, Sa-haron Shelah, Lajos Soukup, and Zoltán Szentmikl Ossy, Proceedings of the American Mathematical Society, vol. 131, no. 6, 2003, pp. 1907-16. (Thanks to Tom Roberts for bring-ing this to our attention.)

Vanish Mysteriously“Gastric Disappearance of Dietary Fiber by Adolescent Boys,” S. Gramstorff Fetzer, C. Kies, and H.M. Fox, Cereal Chemistry, vol. 56, 1979, p. 34. (Thanks to Larry Ca-milli for bringing this to our attention.)

Digital Depression in Man“Fluctuating Assymmetry, Relative Digit Length, and Depression in Men,” S.M. Martin, J.T. Manning, and C.F. Dowrick, Evolution and Human Behavior, vol. 20, no. 3, 1999, pp. 203-14. The authors are at the University of Liverpool.

An Educated Gust“On What I Do Not Understand (and Have Something to Say), Part I,” Saharon Shelah, Fundamenta Mathemat-icae, vol. 166, nos. 1-2, 2000, pp. 1-82.

Round, Green, Ambiguous“Brussels Sprouts: An Exceptionally Rich Source of Ambiguity for Anticancer Strategies,” M. Paolini, Toxicol-ogy and Applied Pharmacology, vol. 152, no. 2, October 1998, pp. 293-4.We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please enclose the full citation (no abbreviations!) and, if possible, a pho-tocopy of the paper.

Signed Books by Richard Lederer (circle choices)

ANGUISHED ENGLISH (bloopers) $7.50MORE ANGUISHED ENGLISH (bloopers) $7.50FRACTURED ENGLISH (bloopers) $14.00THE BRIDE OF ANGUISHED ENGLISH (bloopers) $14.00GET THEE TO A PUNNERY (pun and games) $13.00THE CUNNING LINGUIST (good clean dirty wordplay) $14.00PUN AND GAMES (word fun for kids 9-14) $11.00THE CIRCUS OF WORDS (letter play for kids 9-14) $14.00WORD PLAY CROSSWORDS, vols. 1 and 2 (50 original puzzles) @$14.00CRAZY ENGLISH (creative word play) $14.00THAT CRAZY ENGLISH LANGUAGE (1-hour videotape) $13.00THE PLAY OF WORDS (educational word games) $14.00THE MIRACLE OF LANGUAGE (a hymn of praise to English) $14.00LITERARY TRIVIA (stories and games for book lovers) $13.00THE WRITE WAY (a guide to real-life writing) $14.00SLEEPING DOGS DON’T LAY (advice for the grammatically challenged) $14.00THE WORD CIRCUS (making the alphabet dance) $16.00

Include $1.50 for first book and $.50 for each additional

Book Total: ___________________________Postage ______________________________Total Paid: ____________________________Check or money order only in U.S. funds. (Canadian or foreign orders must include $5.00 for bank fee.) Please print:Name: ___________________________________

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Send order to:Richard Lederer, 9974 Scripps Ranch Blvd. # 201, San Diego, CA, 92131, USA (858) 549-6788


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Soft is HardFurther evidence why the “soft” sciences are the hardest to do well

compiled by Alice Shirrell Kaswell, G. Neil Martin, and Bissell Mango

Strokes of the Soused“Handwriting Changes Under the Effect of Al-cohol,” Faruk Acolu and Nurten Turan, Forensic Science International, vol. 132, no. 3 , April 8, 2003, pp. 201-10. (Thanks to Kristine Danowski for bringing this to our atten-tion.) The authors, who are at The Council of Fo-rensic Medicine, Istanbul, Turkey, and at University of Istanbul, respectively, describe the outcome of their experiment:

The results revealed that the handwriting parameters such as word lengths, height of upper and lower case letters, height of ascending letter, height of descending letter, spacing between words, number of angularity, number of tremor, and number of tapered ends are all significantly increased under the effect of alcohol.

Dear Donk: Unreal Ands“Illusory Conjunctions Are Alive and Well: A Reply to Donk (1999),” W. Prinzmetal, J. Diedrichsen, R.B. Ivry, Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, vol. 27, no. 3, June 2001, pp. 538-41.

Stalwart Stool Pigeon “Self-Control by Pigeons in the Prisoner’s Dilemma,” Forest Baker and Howard Rachlin, Psychonomic Bulletin and Review, vol. 9, no. 3, September 2002, pp. 482-8. The authors are at State University of New York, Stony Brook.

Clothes for Shopping for Clothes “Customer Service as a Function of Shopper’s Attire,” Pamela C. Regan and Veronica Llamas, Psychological Reports, vol. 90, no. 1, February 2002, pp. 203-4. The authors are at California State University, Los Angeles.

Dark: Hidden Motives“Why Do Young Women Use Sunbeds? A Comparative Psychological Study,” B. Fiala, M. Kopp, and V. Gun-ther, British Journal of Dermatology, vol. 137, no. 6, December 1997, pp. 950-4. The authors, who are at Univer-sity of Innsbruck, Austria, explain that:

The results of this pilot study support the hypothesis that a tanned skin, by helping sunbed users to achieve their ideal of beauty, enables them to devalue other people and thus possibly to protect them-selves from close relationships. As medical information about the hazards of ultraviolet irradiation fails to make an adequate impression on them, public relations campaigns must be undertaken in order to make them aware of the underlying motives of their behaviour.


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Solution to Last Issue’s PuzzlerThe answer is: MISSING.

Plausible StatisticsImprobable information from unknown sources

Percentage of people who believe they have blue blood: 7Percentage of people who do have blue blood: 1Number of knots in the tie of a chemistry professor at the University of Cologne on his wife’s anniversary every year: 3Percentage (within a sample) of bacteria that, when shown in a high resolution photomicrograph, remind people of Britain’s Prince Charles: 17


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“Craig’s DNA”WORDS: Marc AbrahamsMUSIC: “Quando me’n vo” (Musetta’s Waltz) from Puccini’s ‘La Boheme’

This song had its premiere on April 14, 2003, in Washington, D.C., as part of the 50th anniversary celebration of Watson and Crick’s discovery of the structure of the DNA molecule. Soprano Margot Button was

accompanied by pianist Greg Neil. The audience consisted of many of the researchers who played major roles in the Human Genome Project. That same week it was announced that the sequencing of the human genome had been substantially completed.

Craig’s DNAWas an object of mystery.Then it went down in history.Craig’s resuméSays he took all his DNAAnd somehow found a wayTo make it pay.

Craig fought through critics, also through complexity.Some people say he used a shotgun. (Well,...)Investors loved that Craig was using so much flash —They gave oh, so much cash!

Craig mapped his genome — oh, but not from vanity.He did it for humanity.And his mate,Claire Fraser,Got a greatFundraiser.

Yes, Claire loved Craig.Seeing him sequence mice and men,She did anthrax, that nice pathogen.And when some rivals went into hock,Craig and Claire did not. No-o-o-o-o-o! They took stock.

Get the Book About the Ig!Ig Nobel Prizes, Marc AbrahamsOrion Books, London, October 2002, 2ISBN 0752851500Available in the UK and from www.amazon.co.uk

...and the AIR Book, now in Chinese!Yes, the worldʼs most untranslatable book has now been translated into CHINESE, as well as GERMAN, ITALIAN, and to some extent ENGLISH: The Best of Annals of Improbable Research,Chinese edition, Shanghai Scientific and Technological Education Publishing House, ISBN 7-5428-2718-9.Der Einfluss von Erdnussbutter auf die Erdrotation, Marc Abrahams (ed.),

Birkhäuser, 1999. ISBN 3-7643-5941-2. La scienza impossibile—Il meglio degli <<Improbable Research>>, Marc Abrahams (ed.), Garzanti, 1999, ISBN 88-11-59291-7 and ISBN 88-11-67616-9

The Best of Annals of Improbable Research, Marc Abrahams (ed.), W.H. Freeman Publishers, ISBN 0-7167-3094-4, $14.95.

...And get the book-length version of the famous AIR-birthed article: A BriefER History of Time, Eric Schulman, W. H. Freeman, 1999. ISBN 0-7167-3389-7.


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Cartoons by Peaco Toddwww.peacotoons.com

Pörn Sciencecompiled by Bjørn Fwee, AIR staff

Here is a haphazard selected (but not superficial!) collection of research conducted by investigators named Pörn.

Porn on Perception“Relative Alpha Desynchronization and Synchronization During Perception of Music,” C.M. Krause, B. Pörn, A.H. Lang, and M. Laine, Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, vol. 40, no. 3, September 1999, pp. 209-15.

Porn on Convexification“Convexification of Different Classes of Non-Convex MINLP Problems,” R. Pörn, I. Harjunkoski, and T. West-erlund, Computers and Chemical Engineering, vol. 23, no. 3, February 28, 1999, pp. 439-48.

Porn on Book“The Two-Stage Bayesian Method Used For the T-Book Application,” K. Pörn, Reliability Engineering and Sys-tem Safety, vol. 51, no. 2, February 1996, pp. 169-79.

Porn on Health“Health and Adaptedness,” I. Pörn, Theoretical Medicine, vol. 14, no. 4, December 1993, pp. 295-303.

Porn on Degradation“Reversible Effects of Sphingomyelin Degradation on Cholesterol Distribution and Metabolism in Fibroblasts and Transformed Neuroblastoma-Cells,” M.I. Pörn and J.P. Slotte, Biochemical Journal, vol. 271, no.1, October 1, 1990, pp. 121-6.

Porn on Kierkegaard“Kierkegaard and the Study of the Self,” I. Pörn, Inquiry, vol. 27, nos. 2-3, 1984, pp. 199-205.


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Icky Cutesy Research ReviewResearch reports that are icky and/or cutesy

Compiled by Alice Shirrell Kaswell, AIR staff

Cutesy“Cute — An Underground Meaning + Transient Linguistic Variations,” W.E. Meyers, American Speech, vol. 50, nos. 1-2, 1975, pp. 135-7.

Cutesy“Computer-Drawn Faces Characterizing Nucleic Acid Sequences,” Clifford Pickover, Journal of Molecular Graphics, vol. 2, 1984, pp. 107-110. (Thanks to Mike Morton for bringing this to our attention.)

Cutesy“Descartes and the Gut: ‘I’m Pink Therefore I Am,’“ D.G. Thompson, Gut, vol. 49, no. 2, August 2001, pp. 165-6.

Icky“Gastrointestinal: Intrathoracic Upside-Down Stomach,” Y. Fujiwara, K. Higuchi, and T. Arakawa, Journal of Gastroenterology and Hepatology, vol. 16, no. 7, July 2001, p. 823.

Icky“Vomit Identification By a Pepsin Assay Using a Fibrin Blue-Agarose Gel Plate,” S. Yamada, et al., Forensic Sci-ence International, vol. 52, no. 2, January 1992, pp. 215-21.

Elegant, But Nevertheless Icky“A Partially Mummified Corpse With Pink Teeth and Pink Nails,” C. Ortmann and A. DuChesne, International Journal of Legal Medicine, vol. 111, no. 1, 1998, pp. 35-7.

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knowledge is not a requirement, but must be able to follow hand signals. Must dress presentably. Box 5.List of numbers I en-countered during the year 1997. Box 6.List of numbers I en-countered during the year 1999. Box 9.

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34 Annals of Improbable Research / May-June 2003

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