The Social Network: Building Real CommunityOctober 23rd, 2011

About a year ago, I called Joyce on a Sunday afternoon as I was pulling out of the church parking lot.

- I was a little tired, but I wanted to see a movie that had just come out in the theaters called The Social Network.

- So, with her ok… and a strong endorsement from Clint, who had just seen it, and was really impressed with actor Jess Eisenberg’s role in playing Facebook guru Mark Zuckerberg… I went.

Well, as I was pulling out of the theater parking lot a few hours later, I was pretty disturbed…

- Not only because of the kind of person Zuckerberg was portrayed in the film… which wasn’t good…

- but also because of the contrast the movie expressed between the need we all have for community and connectedness…

- And the changing ways those needs are being met or not being met in our every day lives and culture.

In fact, for me, beyond offering the “back story” of how Facebook was birthed, I think the Social Network holds a mirror up to us as a culture…

- showing that, when it comes to community and connectedness… while technology is always changing… and while the tools that help us relate to one another are always changing,

- the fundamental need to meaningfully relate to one another haven’t changed.

- So, the question is, what do you do when the technology and tools are making it harder to meet those relational needs rather than easier?

Well, for a social outcast like Zuckerberg, who is fairly out of touch with his relational needs,

- creating an on-line community like Facebook provided a far safer alternative to traditional relationships.

- In fact, just after his girlfriend Erica breaks up with him, he begins working on the predecessor of Facebook called Facemash,

- where people would compare pictures of female students there at Harvard, which he hacked off the online student directory… choosing which one was better looking. Pretty obnoxious!

- So, just to give you an idea of the kind of person she broke up with, let me show you the first scene in the movie where they’re out together on a date.

- SHOW CLIP #1

Far more than mere social awkwardness, the issue for Zuckerberg relates to how he fundamentally views the people in his life.

- When his now ex-girlfriend, Erica, asks to be friends, he makes it clear that “he doesn’t need friends.”

- And, as much as you can see his desire for meaningful relationship through the movie, he seems to confuse “friendship” for “influence”.

In other words, from what you see in the movie, his “friendships” are all about what he can get rather than what he can give.

- When talking about his desire to get into the Phoenix social club there at Harvard… he admits to Erica that it’s not for relationship… but for influence… to help him get ahead.

- As much as his friend Eduardo reaches out in friendship to him, for example, Mark continues to use him.

- And, when he was no longer “useful,” he basically cut him out of this life.

And each time this happens with different people, Mark always retreats back into his virtual reality where he’s always in control…

- a network of “friends” that’s far less messy & far more safe than the real world of authentic community.

- Of course, even after sharing just the little bit I have about him, it would be hard to not form a fairly strong opinion about him.

- But like him or not, one thing is for sure… that when Mark Zuckerberg had launched Facebook in 2004…

- At 20 years of age, he had infiltrated the cultural landscape of US like few others ever had.

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Now, you might think that Facebook has reached it’s prime… that it’s all downhill from here… but, not even close!

- In February of 2009, when we moved in this building, there were about 300 million Facebook users.

- A year later in February of 2010, there were 400 million users. In February of this year there were nearly 600 million users.

And, as of three weeks ago, there are 800 million users… and half of them are logged in every day.

- In other words, 1 in every 18 people in the world visit their Facebook page every day!

- That means that if the number of daily Facebook users made up their own country, they’d be the third largest country in the world.

48% of users between 18 and 34 check their FB account right when they wake up.

- Nearly 30% check their FB account on their Smart Phones before they even get out of bed.

- Clearly there’s been a cultural shift in terms of what it means to be relationally “connected”.

Toyota recently released a series of ads where an embarrassed daughter is chiding her parents for not being more connected online.

- SHOW VIDEO CLIP #2- Oh, those anti-social parents, who actually spend face-to-face

time with their 19 friends rather than interact with a “friends” list of hundreds online.

- There was a day when you graduated high school… then went off to college… and then got your first job…

- And along the way, you’d maintain your closest of friends from each of these seasons of your life.

Well, today, you’re able to stay in touch with all the friends you’ve ever had! But not with the goal of deep meaningful relationship…

- But through ongoing, one or two-sentence status and profile picture updates… not to mention all of our photos!

- In fact, there are 9.3 million status updates and 54.3 million pictures uploaded to FB every hour.

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I mean, if you’re really into Facebook, then you know that whenever you’re doing something, you can’t help but think about how you might post that.

- It goes well, I suppose, with the reality-TV world we’re in… living our lives in public.

- The person in the movie who sort of replaces Eduardo in Mark’s life is a guy by the name of Sean Parker, who had founded Napster.

- He shares in one scene how “private behavior is a relic of a time gone by.”

- One way or another, in this new age of social networking, true friendship and community are in steady decline.

With this decline in depth of conversation, we’re not only losing deep conversation but also the ability to relate to one another on deeper levels.

- Conversation is increasingly superficial– an exchange of information or a piece of entertainment–

- but rarely do we reach the deep places where people truly feel & believe.

- In other words, while people might still share about a day-gone-wrong, they’re less and less inclined to talk about how they feel about all that’s gone wrong.

Now, in this next clip, I want you to see that moment in the film when Mark speaks to Eduardo for the first time about this concept of a Social Network.

- SHOW VIDEO CLIP #3 (Mark shares vision of FB with Ed)- That one line says it all… “It’s like taking the entire social

experience of college and putting it online.”- A mess free community that you can turn on and off at will! - Countless sociologists are writing about the effects of all this.

And yet, truth is, no one really knows because it’s still so new!

Sean Parker, played surprisingly well by Justin Timberlake in the movie, put it like this:

- He said, “we used to live on farms… then we lived in cities… and now we live online.”

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- More and more, we live out our relational lives online… treating Facebook, for example, like a “gated communities”…

- a self-contained, integrated neighborhood, offering an escape from a world of chaos into an organized and well-managed world.

But as we spoke about through our Big Church series, God didn’t create His church to be an online gated community...

- devoted to the comfort and the protection of those who live behind the fence.

- I’ve shared with you before about a small monastic community I had heard about… where there was this fence all the way around it to keep folks on the outside from getting in.

- And there was a sign on the fence of this place, and on this sign it said, "Keep out. Beware of dog. Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law." And it was signed, "Little Sisters of Mercy."

You see, Jesus didn’t give birth to the Church so we can have “the community for myself” values of Zuckerberg’s Social Network…

- but so we would embrace the “myself for the community” value of His Kingdom.

- So, what is God’s vision for community and connectedness? Well, I’d like to answer that through the lens of a familiar passage from the Book of Acts.

- So, if you’ve got your Bibles, go ahead and turn to Acts 2:42-47. In speaking about that newly created community, we’re told that…

"They devoted themselves to the apostle's teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayers. 43Awe came upon everyone because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. 44All who believed were together and had all things in common. 45They would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46Day by day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple. They broke bread in their home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, 47praising God and having the goodwill of all the people.

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And day by day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved."

If you ever wanted to take a peek into that early community of Jesus followers following Pentecost… then Acts 2 is your window!

- It really is such an incredible picture of authentic Biblical community where men & woman, Greek & Jew, rich & poor, old & young… gathered together in fellowship.

- In fact, Acts 2 highlights what I think are four important characteristics of what real biblical community can look like.

1. Community is marked by devotion.

The first characteristic or mark of real community comes from an expression that Luke uses several times in this passage.

- In Acts 1:46 and 2:42, he shares with us how this community of believers “devoted themselves to meeting together."

- And the word Luke is using for “devotion” here refers to "a binding promise" or "a pledge."

- Now, obviously, that's very different from the way relationships often work in our culture today.

In the world of online Social Networks, for example, it’s so easy for people to have a fairly low commitment level…

- Where, if it meets my needs, I stay; if it doesn't meet my needs, I move on.

- But the kind of community we’re talking about has, as its heart, the presence of devotion,

- which has to do with enduring, or sticking to something -- even when it would be easier not to.

That's the way devotion works. And it is a very powerful force… and a necessary part of building community…

- Not just because God has called us to it… but because He’s created us for it.

- It’s why Paul calls us, in Romans 12:10, to be “devoted to one another in brotherly love.”

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- You see, “God has wired us, as Bill Hybels wrote, to know and be known, to love and be loved, to serve and be served, to celebrate and be celebrated.”

- And yet, nearly every study of our culture today points to increasing isolation and loneliness.

In spite of an ever-increasing circle of online friends on Facebook, for example, whether you’re living in a vibrant college dorm, crowded city, or in the suburban sprawl as we are…

- the reality of an ever-shrinking circle of meaningful friendships seems to be getting more and more real.

- I mean… it’s not necessarily a problem that I have 655 friends on Facebook… (PIC OF MY FB PAGE)… as long as there is a real group of people whom I sharing real life with.

- And yet, in a study conducted by Duke University, they found that the number of people who said they had no real confidant in life soared from 10% in 1985 to nearly 25% in 2004.

In other words, one out of every four people is saying that there’s no one in their lives whom they can really talk to!

- 19% said they had only one confidant—who was often their spouse.

- Over the past 25 years, attendance at local club meetings is down 58%, having friends over is down 45%, and even eating together as a family is down 33%.

- One survey indicated that 90% of the male population in America lack a true friend.

Back in 2000, a Harvard professor named Robert Putnam wrote a book entitled, Bowling Alone in which he talks about the decline in community life in America over the last four decades...

- Where people are visiting one another less frequently, having friends over for dinner less frequently, getting together to play cards less frequently…

- No longer involving their children in clubs like the boy scouts or girl scouts the way they used to.

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Guys… God has created us as social beings… with a need for meaningful contact with others.

- It’s funny, because even though we espouse “rugged individualism” as such a supreme virtue in our culture today,

- in reality, as every study has shown, we are a people who thrive on meaningful relationships.

Just look at some of the most popular TV shows of the past fifty years… I Love Lucy… with the Ricardo’s and Merzes doing life together.

- Look at Seinfeld (1990)… billed as a “show about nothing.” But in reality, it is a show about four people in meaningful, albeit dysfunctional, relationship.

- Take Friends (1994)… six people who, for good or for worse, share every part of their lives together… spending hours together sitting down in the coffee shop or at each other’s homes.

The point is that as much as we want to “be our own man” or woman, we were all born with a need to relate to others in authenticity, love, respect, and close proximity.

- And, of course, I include “close proximity” because in an age of online Social Networks like FB, people may feel as though they’re meeting their need for community…

- when in fact, the technology and distance may likely be increasing their sense of loneliness and isolation.

I share all this because as a church existing right in the midst of this culture, we’re very much vulnerable ourselves to all of its trends,

- which makes it even more important that we be intentional about building and maintaining healthy community—

- Believe me, the devotion we express toward one another in rich relationship here, really will impact the world out there…

- In spite of the busyness of everyday life, to be known as a loving, welcoming community is just what the world around us needs today.

The second characteristic of authentic community is one marked by a Oneness of Heart and Soul.

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2. Community is Marked by a Oneness of Heart and Soul

In Acts 4:32, Luke shares with us how, "the whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul."

- We’ve already seen devotion… to God and one another… as a mark authentic community.

- And now, we read that they "were of one heart and soul..." where life in the new community is characterized by a deep commitment to unity, oneness, togetherness, and harmony.

Now, I realize that relating to people online may seem like a great substitute for live-community…

- I mean, since you’re chatting in one-sentence texts while always having the ability to simply exiting if its not going well…It may seem like a great way of avoiding conflict.

- Now, if that seems a little ridiculous, it is… and yet, the fact is that 57% of Americans talk to people more online than they do in real life…

- People, like you and me, sharing their lives through status updates, news feeds, and photos.

And yet, you all know, of course, that relationships lived out online… while maybe a less messy approach to friendships…

- will never satisfy our need for heart & soul relationship.- It’s true that doing life together in the real world can be messy. - In fact, what comes with authentic community will always be a

measure of disagreement and frustration. As a church…

There’s just no way of avoiding that because… as much as we are a community of God’s children, we’re also a community of sinners.

- So, understand that the mark of community… true Biblical community… isn’t the absence of conflict and difficulties but the presence of a reconciling spirit.

- In our humanness, none of us will escape hurting others or being hurt by others. That’s just a reality you just need to get used to.

So it’s not that there was absence of conflict in that new community. Instead there was a commitment to not let conflict go unresolved…

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- A refusal to allow bitterness or resentment to come in between their relationships with one another.

- Now, if you’ve been around the church a while, than you’ve heard me talk about our friend, the North American Porcupine.

Needless to say, while though cute from afar, the porcupine (with its 30,000 quills attached to their bodies) isn’t noted to be the kind of animal you’d want to snuggle up with.

- As a general rule, porcupines have two methods for handling relationships… withdraw… and attack.

- They either react to another animal by running like there is no tomorrow… or they stand their quills up and attack.

- In other words… they don’t have too many friends! They’re either running away… or attacking.

What’s interesting is that Wolves run in packs, sheep huddle in flocks… there are herds of elephants, gaggles of geese, murders of cows,

- bands of coyotes , swarms of bees, broods of chickens, paces of donkeys, litters of cubs, and schools of fish…

- But there is no special name for a group of porcupines gathered together… they choose to go it alone.

- That is, until late autumn… when a young porcupine’s thoughts turn to amore! But love is a rather risky business when you’re a porcupine.

- So, here’s the porcupine’s dilemma… how do you get close without getting hurt?

Truth is, this is our dilemma as well. But instead of barbs and quills, we tend to hurt/get hurt through rejection, insecurity, resentment, and envy.

- So, yes… in the course of “doing community” we’ll no doubt find ourselves hurting and being hurt by those around us.

- The problem though is that as much as we may understand our need for community and desire more meaningful relationships in our lives,

- After being pricked a couple of times by a few of those nasty barbs, we may find ourselves withdrawing from authentic, proximity-based relationships… to Facebook.

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But you know… the fact that there are lots of porcupines in North America does sort prove one fact…

- That they have found a way around their little problem. And if they can… we can too.

- Ultimately, though I am not the Dr. Phil of porcupines… it seems as though porcupines simply learn that they… and their fellow barbed-wired friends… all come “as-is,” quills and all.

- It’s why Paul writes so passionately in 1 Corinthians 1:4: "I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you may agree with one another, so that there may be no divisions among you, and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought."

Those are real words written to regular, ordinary, sometimes crabby human beings -- just like you and me...

- And yet Paul is expecting that they hear what he’s saying. - It’s why he calls us, in Ephesians 4:3, to "Make every effort" --

in other words, spare no pains at all, exhaust every possibility -- "Make every effort," he says, "to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace."

- He says, “Don't give up... make every possible effort… “

So, let me ask you… how are you doing with this? Are you devoted to oneness in the body of Christ? Are you devoted to it?

- Because it doesn't happen by accident. Is there unresolved conflict between you and anybody else in the body?

- What do you do when you find yourself developing a judgmental or critical spirit towards someone?

- Do you ever expect other people to be tolerant and forgiving of you, because after all, you're only human,

- but refuse to offer the same tolerance and same forgiveness to them?

Maybe you realize that you have some work you need to do on this today. And I just encourage you as strongly as I can to do it.

- Pray to God, ask for help, make the call, and write the note -- whatever you need to do…

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- Because unity is one of the most precious gifts the church has to offer not only back to God…

- but to the world around us desperate for the kind of meaningful relationships that don’t required electricity, a wireless connection, and a computer to initiate.

3. The third mark of Community was that they lived with Open Hands.

We just looked, in Acts 4:32, where it says that "The whole group of those who believed were of one heart and soul?"

- Well, in the second part of that sentence, Luke shares one of the ways in which oneness got expressed. He said…

- "and no one claimed private ownership of any possessions, but everything they owned was held in common."

- Now, understand, people still retained some of their stuff.

We read on in Acts about people who had homes that they opened up for meetings, and so on. There was a line between what’s mine and yours.

- I mean, if I walked into your house back then, I couldn’t just walk out with your 42” flat screen TV.

- And yet, their devotion and commitment to one another was so rich that when they looked at their own stuff, they began seeing it in terms of how they could bless others.

But, that’s not what characterized Mark and Eduardo’s relationship. As soon as Mark didn’t need him any longer…

- he not only pushed him out of Facebook, but devalued the shares he owned in the company to the point of owning nothing.

- VIEW CLIP # 4 (Eduardo confronts Mark)- Mark didn’t look for opportunities to bless… but rather, as soon

as Eduardo was replacable, he’d cut you out of his life.

But, unlike the “we’re friends as long as it helps me get where I’m going” mentality, those early believers genuinely committed themselves to one another…

- and devoted themselves to fellowship with one another… sacrificing their time and resources to making that happen.

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- Yes, it’s easier to log into Facebook, chat with a few people, update your status, see what other people are saying and then turn it all off!

- But what’s easier is certainly not always better for your soul, which is crying out for deeper, more meaningful fellowship with others on the same journey as you.

4. The last Mark of a Kingdom Community is a Devotion to those Living Outside the Community.

What we see here in authentic community is that the people who are inside the community are genuinely concerned how their lives can -intersect and bless the lives of those outside the community.

- In chapter 2:47 -- notice what it says... It says, “They broke bread in their home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people…”

- That is, they're benefiting the lives of those around them. They just bring joy to people around them… their neighbors, their relatives... both inside and outside of the church.

They made space in their lives, looking for opportunities to bless those outside of their immediate community…

- Just simple things to create value, to enhance lives, to make life a little bit better-- done in the name of Jesus.

- That's how you bless people. You know, we’ve put about 15 posters up around town advertising our “Women on the Move” group that’s starting on Tuesday.

- We’re inviting those in our community… because we want to bless them.

Truth is, there’s something you get from a home group like that, which you just can’t get in church… and that’s the kind of depth of relationship we’re talking about here.

- Honestly, I don’t want you to ever feel like a second-class citizen if you don’t attend a home group…

- But out of no other desire other than to see you grow and thrive… I really want to encourage you to join one.

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- Because it’s there… even more than on a Sunday morning, where we can really live out Biblical Community with one another.

But one way or another, we need to remember that we will never mark ourselves as that “safe-haven” for those outside our immediate community…

- we will never live magnificent lives as individuals and as a church…

- unless we embrace God’s dream of Kingdom Community… rather than the vision of online social networks!

- And that needs to begin with a renewed devotion to one another as we “do life” together with a oneness of heart and soul.

I promise that you will never regret having devoted more of your time to building relationships… to building authentic community.

- It’s true that technology is changing… and that the tools we use to relate to one another are changing…

- But we all know that the need for interconnected, meaningful relationships are more important than ever.

- So, the question is… will we embrace Devotion, Oneness of Heart and Soul… a Spirit of Generosity,

- as well as a Passion and love for those living outside our immediate community?

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