ACrumbley.FinalPitchPapaer

8/2/2019 ACrumbley.FinalPitchPapaer

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AaronCrumbley

Ms. Caruso

ENGL 1102

11 Apr 2012

Imagine a world in which the illuminati played a role in killing the leader of the free

world, wait just a minute, this isnt 2020 Im talking about November of1963. The John F.

Kennedy assassination tainted by the hands of the Illuminati. This is a major idea that many

people do not even consider as a possibility. This idea of supreme conspiracy would raise

eyebrows across the country, if not the world. This idea could evolve into a New York Times

best seller, a USA Today Top 100 book and most definitely could end up in Oprahs book club

list. It was the perfect time for an assassination because of all of the political and social strife that

occurred in the 1950s and 60s.

The initial driving force for my product was my interest in conspiracy theories. It just

seems like so many ideas, and concepts are hidden from the public eye and it really should make

you question what all is in fact kept from the American public. There are many high tier

conspiracies in which many agree something isnt right, yet many cannot agree on exactly what

happened. In becoming consumed with this idea the fact of the matter is someone other than Lee

Harvey Oswald killed the president that day. Certainly one could see this with basic witness

testimonies all describing a very different scene with very contrasting evidence of what

occurred.How do you suppose that three bullets can be fired from one gun in one mans hand and

no one see a thing? There are just so many details that dont align with what the government

Comment [BC1]: Refer to the MLA handout

on Moodle for proper MLA format and add

your name to the filename.

Comment [BC2]: Extremely conversational.

Comment [BC3]: Run-on sentence.

Comment [BC4]: Fragment.

Comment [BC5]: This paragraph is very

choppy because of how you talk about your

ideas. Read this paragraph aloud and pay

attention to the verb tenses you use. Its qui te

confusing because you say that this did

happen, not that you will make it happen.

Comment [BC6]: Rather than telling of how

you were inspired, talk about how the history

inspired the idea. Position your ideas

differently.

Comment [BC7]: Informal.


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wants us to know. These details just became embedded in my mind and when you go looking for

answers there are not always answers.

The main idea of this concept is we know the man who was responsible for pulling the

trigger and his motivation for doing so and how he feels after doing so. There are a few key

moments in his life which are touched upon, such as the death of his parents which leads to his

relocation to his ex military crazed uncles home. As well as his graduation from college and

when he is offered a contract from a very high official who claims to be the head of the CIA

when in fact hes a main piece in the illuminati organization. All of this and his ultimate

resolution in his head before he is murdered by the illuminati to keep him quiet. Which keeps the

mysterious and devious element the illuminati have maintained for so long.

The main characters name is Michael Novak and he is the man who murders John F.

Kennedy. He plays a huge role in the novel and we see him develop from a child all of the way

to a cold blooded killer. Many factors play a huge role in his life and the way he develops along

with his caretaker being a lunatic. Michael is also approached by the head of the Illuminati,

David Ross. David is a charming, manipulative man who will crush anyone in his path. We learn

that David is an older man who is very physically fit for his age and that he has an endless supply

of power and money. Jerry Norwood is Michaels crazy uncle. He is the X factor behind

Michaels interest in the military and the reason any of the chaos is unleashed. Jerry ran away

from home to the local armory when he was a mere twelve years old. This man knew he was

destined for military greatness and was willing and ready to serve his country at the drop of a

dime. Also Lee Harvey Oswald will still be included he will just play the same role as he has

before, a scapegoat. He will still be charged with the assassination of the President.

Comment [BC8]: Make this sentence more

succinct.

Comment [BC9]: This should be a comma,

but consider the length of the sentence and

how you convey the ideas.

Comment [BC10]: What is this?


Comment [BC12]: You keep a storytelling

tone throughout this paragraph until this

point, and when you give this sentence, it

serves to pull the reader out of the story.

Work to give an opening sentence to your

paragraph so your reader will not jump into a

story in the middle of your paper, but will be

lead through your ideas, instead.

Comment [BC13]: You seem to begin with

the idea of the main character, but end uptalking about all of the characters here.

Consider if it would be more helpful to talk

about characters as you are talking about plot.


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Lastly I believe a subject so interesting and intriguing as this would have an impact on

many different audience groups. Ranging from the youth that love action movies today, to the

culture of adults that lived there young lives back in the 1960s, this would capture an enormous

amount ofattention. The premise behind this idea has never been used and I believe with the

growing interest in Illuminati affairs now, the work would be an instant success.As well as the

gigantic amount of people who are interested and still in doubt about the details of John F.

Kennedys death. Although the movie would indeed need to have a more mature audience it

would not be off of the wall violent or disgusting, just the simple details and the automatic

circumstances surrounding the project would not be suitable for a young audience. Adults would

probably be our highest audience and many details in this project are aimed at an older

generation who love a good mystery and now have an opportunity to take a step back and look at

one of the oldest conspiracies and ask themselves what if?Older people love to read and this

magnificent idea would create uproar in the literary world. Just think it would outshine Tom

Clancys series of military novels and put your company on top. The technique of observing

minute details and putting them on paper would make for an intense, action packed, thrill ride

that would keep you on the edge of your seat all while simply reading.

Comment [BC14]: Where have you

demonstrated this action?

Comment [BC15]: Why?

Comment [BC16]: Informal word choice


Comment [BC18]: Informal.

Comment [BC19]: Such as? What do you

mean?

Comment [BC20]: Some dont. Give a

stronger rationale here.

Comment [BC21]: Aaron,

You seem to have a clear view of your

concept, but you tend to leave out valuable

information, such as I mentioned in this last

paragraph. In your revision, Id suggest that

you work to slow down your ideas. There are

many sentences in you paper that dont

convey any meaning. Change those sentences

to work toward demonstrating your point.

Also, consider the ways in which you divide up

your ideas. There are many more ideas you

can consider, such as how exactly this will be

presented and what you want your reader to

understand when they finish reading. Work to

more clearly articulate your purpose. You may

want to work toward a different structure that

would allow you to streamline your ideas.

Im looking forward to seeing what youll do inyour revisions!

-Ms. C

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