Allies in the Fight

Working for Justice with Clients

and Communities

Dr. Sheila Addison, LMFThttp://www.drsheilaaddison.com

Presented at AAMFT 2017, Atlanta, GA

Including slides from Sara Smollett & Valerie Aurora w/permission - https://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills-workshop/

Who am I?

• MFT working with clients for 20

years, specializing in couples, sex, &

diversity

• Teacher & trainer on LGBTQIA+

issues, sexuality, & diversity

• Completed “Train the Trainer” for the

Ally Skills Workshop; trained at

companies including Google Dr. Sheila Addison

Learning Objectives

• Based on the content of the session, I am able to…

• Describe the effects of recent political rhetoric on

vulnerable clients and families.

• Articulate strategies for identifying and addressing overt

and covert fears of vulnerable clients in session.

• Generate specific strategies for engaging in allyship in

my communities when more vulnerable people are the

targets of discrimination, marginalization, or abuse.

People are feeling vulnerable

http://www.nejm.org/doi/pdf/10.1056/NEJMms1702111 https://csbs.csusb.edu/sites/csusb_csbs/files/Levin%20DOJ%20Summit%202.pdf

People are feeling vulnerable

Focus: On Allies

Terminology

Privilege: an unearned advantage given by society to some people but not all

Oppression: systemic, pervasive inequality that is present throughout society, that benefits people with more privilege and harms those with fewer privileges

Terminology

Target: someone who suffers from oppression (also called "a member of a marginalized group")

Ally: a member of a social group that enjoys some privilege that is working to end oppression and understand their own privilege

Actions

Example

Privilege: The ability to walk into a convenience

store and have the owner assume you are

there to buy things and not steal them

Oppression: The self-reinforcing system of

stories, TV, news coverage, and legal system

stereotyping Black people as criminals, that

benefits non-Black people and harms Black

people

Example

Target: Any Black person who wants

to enter a convenience store

Ally: A non-Black person who

donates to legal system reform

organizations, publicly opposes

racist policies and actions, votes in

anti-racist ways, & reads articles

about this privilege to understand it

better

Diversity & inclusion

Diversity: The state of having people in a

group who differ along race, gender,

sexuality, age, disability, religion, class,

caregiver status, etc.

Inclusion: Everyone in a diverse group is

valued, included, and respected, without

unfair discrimination or bias

CC BY Steve Garry

https://flic.kr/p/2TTztX

Diversity & inclusion

An individual can’t be “diverse” -

diversity exists only in the

context of a group

Many efforts focus on increasing

diversity without also

increasing inclusion

CC BY Senorhorst Jahnsen

https://flic.kr/p/5QSiBv

Diversity & inclusion

• Volunteer-run affinity groups

• Minority scholarships

• Advice books aimed at targets

• Volunteer-run mentoring programs

• Recruiting outreach

• Conferences or discussion boards for marginalized groups

Diversity & inclusion

Most work is aimed at changing

behavior of targets

Less work is aimed at changing

behavior of targeters & allies

Changing targets’ bx?

• Targets:

• Directly benefit from change and are more

self-motivated

• Are often more aware of oppression

• Are often lower status and easier to tell

what to do

• Are seen as the cause of the problem

• Avoids confronting feelings of guilt

in privileged people

What about the targeters?

• Targeters:

• Have “something to lose” if their behavior has to change

• Are able to ignore others’ oppression

• Are often higher status and harder to tell what to do

• Are good at deflecting blame… and backed up by institutional inertia

• Calls for change make powerful people feel bad

What about the targeters?

• E.g. Sexual harassment

• Let’s make a safe space for victims

• Let’s educate them on their rights

• Rather than let’s change the bad

behavior of powerful people

• And let’s get other powerful people to

call them out on it

• Targets are easier to… target!

Targets are overworked

© RKO Pictures

Targets are under more stress

• Stereotype threat

• Discrimination

• Harassment

• Abuse

• Assault

• PTSD

Targets have less money

87%: Asian women vs. white men

79%: Lesbian couples vs. men married to women

78%: white women vs. white men

73%: Black men vs. white men

73%: mothers vs. fathers

66%: trans women vs. their pre-transition income

65%: Black women vs. white men

63%: people with disabilities vs. those without

58%: Latinas vs. white men

More likely to have unpaid caregiver responsibilities

CC BY Tax Credits

https://flic.kr/p/bZwHv5

Targets are retaliated against

"[...] Ethnic minority or female leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are penalized with worse performance ratings; whereas [white] or male leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are not penalized for doing so."- Hekman, Johnson, Yang & Maw Der

Foo (2016)

Does valuing diversity result in worse performance ratings for minority and female leaders? http://amj.aom.org/content/early/2016/03/03/amj.2014.0538.abstract

Targets have less power & influence

• < 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are people of color

• < 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are women

• “Smurfette Principle” – K. Pollitt

• TV shows have all-male casts with one woman

• “The probability that a woman occupies a top management team position is 51 percent lower if another woman holds a position on the same team.” – Deszo, Ross, & Uribe, 2015

• Small programs “can’t have two” (queer people, POC, people with a diversity focus, etc.) CC BY-SA Bruno Girin

https://flic.kr/p/4Mv4o2

Targets are demeaned for speaking out

A response to an article I wrote on my blog about using privilege

to make things better for targeted people:

“Just be peaceful.” And yet…

Allies have more time and energy

Allies have more money

CC BY Pictures of Money https://flic.kr/p/s6895e

Allies are often in the majority

Allies have more power & influence

Allies aren't harmed for valuing diversity

CC BY Vic https://flic.kr/p/8v6v22

Allies = “altruistic, giving, kind”

CC BY Kat Ter Haar https://flic.kr/p/8ugZks

Why are allies needed?

• Even in 2017:

• Our workplaces, training programs, and

conferences can still be sites of injury,

exclusion, and silencing for vulnerable people.

• While many therapists, supervisors, and faculty

understand the effects of oppression, few are

prepared to directly intervene as allies in the

moment when others experience it

Why are allies needed?

• What are some examples of

exclusion, micro- or macro-

aggressions, harmful policies,

bullying/hurtful interaations, etc.

you’ve seen or heard about in your

professional settings?

A theory of allies

• Privileged people have advantages in fighting oppression

• “Difference” models de-emphasize power• Better than “colorblindness”

(sameness)

• Not all have equal access

• Not all are equally impacted

A theory of allies

• Crenshaw’s intersectionality

suggests: most people have some

identities that are privileged, even

as others are devalued

• Therapists, faculty, and supervisors

all occupy positions of power

relative to clients, students, and

supervisees… so…

• Strategies for ally work

should be part of all family

therapists’ skill sets

Ally = action?

Ally = action

The active ally uses their relative power to block, frustrate, and underminesystems that harm those who are less powerful

Ally development

Dr. Karen Bradberry

An ally self-educates

CC BY mer chau https://flic.kr/p/e2n2zi

• Investing time and $

• Doing the work to

“keep up”

• Not asking to be

“spoon fed”

An ally listens

An ally listens

An ally gives credit

• Women get less credit with tenure

committees for co-authoring, even as

first author!*

• Example: Whenever possible, credit

legal scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw by

name when using the term

"intersectionality" (the concept that

people can be subject to multiple,

overlapping forms of oppression, which

interact and intersect with each other)

* http://scholar.harvard.edu/sarsons/publications/note-gender-differences-recognition-group-work

An ally gives credit

https://storify.com/cisnormativity/the-genderbread-plagiarist

An ally gives credit

Allies ask for consent from targets

Allies ask for consent from targets

Allies ask for consent from targets

Allies ask for consent from targets

Allies ask for consent from targets

… and follow their lead

• Want to start something? See

who got there before you

• You might not get the credit

• You might give up control

• Allies aren’t the

experts – targets are

… and follow their lead

Allies keep the focus on helping targets

… even when it’s uncomfortable

… even when it’s uncomfortable

An ally uses their energy wisely

Charles’ Rules of Argument

1. Don't go looking for an argument

2. State your position once, speaking to the audience

3. Wait for absurd replies

4. Reply one more time to correct any

misunderstandings of your first statement

5. Do not reply again

6. Spend time doing something fun instead

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Charles%27_Rules_of_Argument

An ally spends money

CC BY-SA Japanexperterna.se https://flic.kr/p/srsFmV

• Donate $

• Pay people

• Train people

• Fund scholarships

• Money flows toward

marginalized people

… including for invisible/emotional labor

• Review an org’s office forms to see if

they’re LGBTQ+ friendly

• Serve on the “diversity committee” in

addition to the job duties I shared with

everyone else in the org

• Do a training on sizeism and fat-phobia

for everyone, and then work my normal

hours the rest of the day

• Serve on dissertation committees while

working as an adjunct, for no pay,

because no one else had my “special

expertise”

An ally uses connections & social capital

• Professional

connections

• Friends & family

• Social media

An ally sacrifices personal gain

An ally makes mistakes - & apologizes

CC BY butupa https://flic.kr/p/95iJuo

“Sorry about that. Thank you.”

“I’ll try to do better next time.”

An ally practices cultural humility

• Humility: “Having a sense that one’s own knowledge is limited as to what truly is another’s culture.” (Hook et al. 2013)

• Life-long commitment to self-evaluation & critique• Staying open to new information

• Wrestling with the tendency to view one’s own beliefs, values, and worldview as superior

• Willingness to hear “you don’t get it”

The Ally Skills Workshop

• Co-founder and executive director of the Ada

Initiative, non-profit for women in open

tech/culture

• Founder: Frame Shift Consulting

• 10+ years volunteer work with international

groups such as Geek Feminism, etc.

• Taught Ally Skills workshop in Spain, Germany,

Australia, Ireland, Canada, Mexico, and U.S.

• Linux OS & file systems developer for 10+ years

Valerie Aurora

This is not the Ally Skills Workshop!

• This is a one-hour talk

about why it’s valuable

to act as allies

• The Ally Skills

Workshop is 3 hours

long, mostly group

discussion

Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop

• Developed to combat sexism in tech

workplaces & conferences

• Now can address: racism,

homophobia & heterosexism,

transphobia & cissexism, fatphobia &

sizeism, caregiver discrimination,

religious & cultural stereotyping,

ageism, etc.

• Skills practice for intervening in

situations as an ally, not as a target

Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop

• ASW process:

• Real-world scenario

• Small group discussion of what actions to

take

• Group report-out

• Discussion led by the facilitator.

• Each workshop discusses around 6-8

customized scenarios.

• Participants learn ally skills by practicing them

during the discussion: listening, amplifying

voices, identifying patterns, and more.

Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop

• Get in groups of 4-6

• Next birthday: note taker

• Most recent birthday: reporter

• Most ribbons: facilitator

• Best shoes: timekeeper

• Goal: discuss what actions you would

take in this scenario

Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop

• A woman you don’t know who is

wearing a headscarf is standing near

your group at a conference. She is

alone and looks like she would

rather be talking to people.

Ally models – Ally Skills Workshop

• Materials freely reusable; train-the-trainers

also available

• More about the ASW here:

• http://drsheilaaddison.com/allyskills/

• https://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills-

workshop/

• Follow @frameshiftllc on Twitter for

book-related news

Ally models - SURJ

• SURJ: Showing up for Racial Justice• National network of groups &

individuals organizing white people for racial justice

• Identifies links between racial injustice and other forms of injustice

• Raises funds for POC-led organizations & actions

Ally models - SURJ

Ally models - SURJ

Ally models - SURJ

Ally models - SURJ

Ally models - SURJ

• See: “SURJ Kaepernick Conversation Guide” in

your handout

• In groups of 2-4, discuss:

• What objections to “taking a knee” have you heard?

• Which of these responses might be helpful?

• What would that be like for you?

In conclusion

• Most diversity and inclusion efforts focus on targets

• Targets have less time, energy, power, and influence

• Allies have more ability to make change

• Ally skills can be learned

Let’s focus on allies

Q&A

• drsaddison@gmail.com

• http://www.drsheilaaddison.com