“I have, without a doubt, the best husband in the entire freakin' world! Pretty sure I don't deserve him, but I'm eternally grateful that I have him!!! :) :)”

“Today was so perfect, I don't even really need the next two days of the three-day weekend. I will, however, graciously accept them.”

“Conover is a now-defunct area of Winneshiek County located between Calmar, Spillville, Ridgeway and Decorah. In the 1870's to early 1880's, it was projected to be a major railroad depot for NE Iowa. In it's heyday, Conover boasted some 36... saloons (one of which my great-great grandfather, Mathias Phillips, was proprietor). Conover was also the original headquarters of Cargill, Inc. That concludes today's history lesson. There may be a quiz.”

“So, the other day, I hid some cash from myself in a safe spot so that I wouldn't spend it foolishly. Problem is, I now want to spend that cash wisely (food and drink at OWI), and I have NO IDEA where I put it!!! Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of my secret stash, please respond!”

“Is it ok to drink Margaritas while organizing the bathroom, or do I need to stick to beer for something like that?”

“It's all fun and games until you can't find your travel cooler. Where the hell could it be??”

”...sittin' outside, drinking a beer, watching the storm brew, reading a trashy romance, and listenin' to the coyotes yip...I abso-freaking-lutely LOVE living in the country!!”

“I'm starting to think that I should be doing something constructive with my life. But then I look around at the people I know who HAVE accomplished something, and I feel sorry for them because they are all so boring.”

“Drivin' down a gravel, when two little dogs run out. THUMP! Oh SHIT!! Turn around, see half of my bumper shattered to bits, and the little furball writhing around. But wait, this isn't a dog…it's the biggest mo-fo cat I have ever seen!!.”…continued

Take doomed feline to the house, but no one is home. So now the half dead cat, ...which I'm not even sure belongs to anyone, is either convalescing or exanguinating inmy garage.”

“I found a fox den with at least 4 little 'uns. I think I should kidnap one. Who wants to help? P.S. They are freakin' adorable!!!!”

“Flippin channels and I saw Meredith from Grey's Anatomy asking some guy to shoot her. I really hope he does.”

“It's housecleaning day....whose turn is it to stop over with a 12-pack and talk me out of it?”

“I don't think the word "sapience" is used in everyday speech nearly enough. Let's all try to use the word at least once this week. Derivatives count.”

Sapience:Wisdom, abilityto apply knowledge or experience or understanding or common senseand insight.

“Hey...I was accused of being a "god-damned conservative" and a "son-of-a-bitchin' liberal" within about 3 hours of each other. What, exactly, does this mean?”

“I have decided to do something meaningful with my life. I am accepting suggestions, but I also reserve the right to reject any suggestions that seem like they might require an actual effort on my part. I'm just not that invested...”

“I used to think I had a boring life...then I became a Facebook Creeper!”

“Is anyone else sick of Lady Gaga?”

“I’m in dire need of an ice skate and a coconut!!”

“All I wanted out of the day was the promise of some happy juice…but I wound up ass-deep in bad Ju Ju Bees!!”

“Holy shit!! I leave the house for about 15 minutes and when I get home, I find a 30-pack of beer on the porch. I love the beer fairy!!”

“Yup! I bitch about everything. If only you nimrods would do exactly what I want, when I want and how I want, I wouldn't have to bitch. So get it right already, assholes...”

.

“Wow. I did not realize until 7 minutes ago that the only time I give a flying fuck about football is when I either A). have nothing better to do, or B). do not have the energy to do the better things. I know that most of you will be pissed off about this. Get over it.”

“That space-age monstrosity of a "cell phone" has been returned! I am now the proud owner of what the representative so kindly informed me is theirmost popular model amongst the elderly.”

“For some reason, I always find arteries in meat. Or maybe they’re veins. I don’t really care about the distinction, it’s just friggin’ gross!”

“I'm seriously considering a social/financial/house-keeping experiment in which I downgrade back to dial-up internet for one month.”

“Thank you IRS! I take back most of the bad things I said about you.”

“I'm kinda cranky. I sure wish I had

some kids to take it out on.”

“It kind of scares me that people who still think that prom is a big deal are allowed to vote...”

“Alcoholism has saved me from financial ruin!!”

“So I'm making a fantastic dinner for my hardworking husband. I get out the Great Value Tuna Cheesy Pasta and look to the side of the box for directions. WTF? The directions call SPECIFICALLY for Great Value tuna, milk & butter. Apparently, my skillet meal will somehow turn out inferior if I use higher quality ingredients. The worst part is that the all I have on hand is GV tuna, GV milk, and GV butter.”

Becky Phillips Ott “Anyways I like your washer. That is all. k, Bye.” November 6 at 1:18pm Like

Barb Phillips Marhoul “That was funny.”November 6 at 2:02pm Like