A Street Car Named Marriage

Francis E Madojemu

Marriage; a mystery?

Ephesians 5:31-‐33 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Marriage; a mystery? Pastor Adegun asked “Do you really love your wife?” followed by “Are you really sure you love your wife?” then he said “I want you to please list three cogent reasons for loving your wife.”

Pastor Adegun then answered saying “if you have reasons or qualities why you love your wife then you are not really in love her because if any of the qualities in your wife should change you are obligated to love her.”

When we begin to list peoples qualities as the basis of our love we fail to understand the principle of love which God has ordained.


Romans 5:8 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

This is Gods demonstration of love and it is not based on any of our qualities or values.

This singular revelation has given me an insight which has guided and blessed me to this day.


I have discovered in my limited survey that nine out of ten of these couples list out for me what they consider to be sterling qualities in their mate that have assured them that they have made the right choices.

Many list nice things like patience, kindness and most of the time their Christian faith.

These are good and are to be commended and then I ask them, knowing that marriage is till death do us part, if any of these qualities should change does that mean the marriage is over? This they usually respond with an emphatic “No”


I then follow up using the list produced by the couple in my hand to describe and show them other people that fit or have the same qualities of values they have focused on and ask why they have not fallen in love with those people if it is our qualities we use to select our spouses.

I go on to explain that In real life, even physical attributes cannot be looked upon as the basis for our love since we know that in the cases of identical twins we respond differently to each of them and being attracted to one is no indication of an attraction to the other especially when marriage is involved.


By this time the couples begin to see that our attributes even when they are good and attractive cannot and should not be the basis of our marriage. What then should it be and how do we know?

The answer is again the “the mystery of marriage” let me explain.

It is good here to realize that in heaven there are no marriages as clearly expressed and explained in scripture.

Matthew 22:23-‐32

23 The same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Him and asked Him, 24 saying: “Teacher, Moses said that if a man dies, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife and raise up offspring for his brother. 25 “Now there were with us seven brothers. The first died after he had married, and having no offspring, left his wife to his brother. 26 “Likewise the second also, and the third, even to the seventh. 27 “Last of all the woman died also.

Matthew 22:23-‐32

28 “Therefore, in the resurrection, whose wife of the seven will she be? For they all had her.”

29 Jesus answered and said to them, “You are mistaken, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God. 30 “For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven.31 “But concerning the resurrection of the dead, have you not read what was spoken to you by God, saying, 32 ‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.”

Purpose

This scripture clearly illustrates the fact that marriage ultimately has its purpose here on earth and in this lifetime.

It therefore means we must find the purpose for the marriage and carry it out here on earth as it has no eternal significance.

One main conclusion I can reach is that God allows marriages here on earth for a purpose.

Yet as illustrated earlier, many couples look to their marriage for fulfillment and not for purpose and this has been responsible for many of the disappointments many have experienced

Purpose As individuals we are created for purpose, even

nations and peoples, we have purposes to fulfill in God. How much more in marriage?

Acts 17:24-‐26 “God, who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. 25 “Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things. 26 “And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings,

God has purposes in everything He does and that includes marriage.

Metaphors

What is your Life? James 4:14b We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are – Anais Nin

The way you see your life shapes your life How you define life determines your destiny, Your perspective will influence how you invest your time, spend your money, use your talents, and value your relationships.

If I asked you how you picture life, what image will come to your mind?

Metaphors

That image is your life metaphor It’s the view of life that you hold, consciously or

unconsciously, in your mind. Its your description of how life works and what you expect from it.

People often express their life’s metaphors through clothes, jewelry, cars, hairstyles, bumper stickers, even tattoos.

Your unspoken metaphor influences your life more than you realize. It determines your expectations, your vales, your relationship, your goals and your priorities

Metaphors

If you think life is a party, your primary value in life will be having fun.

If you see life as a race, you will value speed and will probably be in a hurry much of the time.

If you see life as a marathon, you will value endurance.

If you see life as a battle or game, winning will be very important to you.

What’s your view of life? You may be basing it on a faulty metaphor

Metaphors

To fulfill the purposes God made you for you will have to challenge conventional wisdom and replace them with the biblical metaphors of life

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

The bible offers 3 metaphors that teach us God’s view of life; life is a test, life is a trust and life is a temporary assignment.

Helpmeet

Another popular phrase or word is found in Genesis, and it is known as “help meet” and a question readily comes to mind which is obvious,

what do you need a help meet or should I say adaptable for our use if you have no function or purpose to carry out for which you need help.

This is the reason I have chosen to use the phrase “a streetcar named marriage” because I believe and are convinced that marriage is a car or vehicle designed to take its occupants to a destination.

Marriage: A Vehicle

VEHICLE = communication medium: a medium for communicating, expressing, or accomplishing something

God is a God of purpose and nothing He does is without purpose and we must discover and know His purpose in the things we do in other to get the fullness of His blessings upon it.

Yet what we find in life and by experience, is that what many of us do as couples is to spend more time, money and effort on our wedding ceremonies than we do on laying a foundation for a solid marriage this error has become a distraction.

Distractions

I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.-‐ Nehemiah

Life is full of distractions. Visions are often lost among the many lights on the horizon of life.

Important things are sacrificed for urgent things. What could be is often lost in the flurry of what is. What should be gets buried under what must be. After all, wedding are urgent.

Marriages are….Well, they are marriages.

Purpose in Marriage

I once heard someone say “If love is blind then marriage would open your eyes”

I believe there is some truth to that statement particularly when we realize the adjustments and changes that we have to make so the marriage can work.

From the day we come together we stop living for ourselves and begin to live for our spouses and our children.

Why would the Almighty God ask us to make these sacrifices and adjustments?

We also endure all sorts of things while the marriage develops an understanding necessary to bring joy and happiness into the marriage.

Purpose in Marriage

I believe that God’s purposes are greater than the marriage and our sacrifices have purpose and this makes enduring them all the more joyful much as Jesus endured the cross for the Joy that as set before Him.

We know a life without purpose In Psalm 127 the bible says except the lord builds a house they Labour in vain that build it

Please note that the house was built but the labour was considered vain.

Purpose in Marriage

John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Is this really true? You and I know from experience and real life that you can do many things without Jesus, steal, kill, build houses and businesses etc.

So what does it mean “you can do nothing?” Anything He has not called us to do and we do without Him would come to nought. To “set at nought” is to value at nothing, to regard as good for nothing or worthless, hence to despise or reject.

Purpose in Marriage

Pastor Professor David Olatunbosun made a profound statement that we have put sin into many categories, fornication, adultery, stealing lying but the root and primary cause of sin is disobedience.

Anything he has not called us to do and we do without Him would come to “nought.”

The importance of finding his purpose in marriage therefore cannot be overemphasized.

A Pastor recently made his observation which I believe s poignant “Marriage is the only institution into which you enter and never graduate from but receive your certificate as you enter.”

Purpose in Marriage

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

“We know”: Our hope is based on truth that God is in complete control “That God Causes”: There is a grand designer and He cannot make mistakes

“Everything”: Gods plans involve all mistakes, sins hurts illness, disasters death etc “To work together”; not that everything would be good but God will bring good out of it.“Of those who love God and are the called”’: Only for Gods children not for everyone

“According to His purpose”: What is that purpose? It is to become like His Son and bring Glory to him by doing everything he told us to do.

Purpose in Marriage

John 17:4 4 I brought glory to you here on earth by doing everything you told me to do.

This for me is Gods purpose in marriage to glorify Him by doing what he called us to do in our marriage.

This clearly shows us the sovereign promise of God that no matter what has happened to us, good bad and ugly, He promises to cause them to work together for our good if we love Him and are the called according to His purpose

Purpose in Marriage

Psalm 139:16 You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!

God also planned where you would be born and where you would live for His purpose. Your race and nationality are no accident. God left no detail to chance. He planned it all for His purpose

Acts 17:26 [NIV] “From one man he made every nation….and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”

If God goes into this much detail about your life as an individual as well as nations, we can conclude that God has plans for our marriages.

Means to an End!

Marriage is a means to an end not an end in itself. Discovering this would help us deal with the issues of life and give us a greater focus, greater than ourselves in marriage for God to fulfill and help us to endure whatever is thrown at us in marriage. Jesus, the bible says for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross.

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?

This agreement should include Money, Children and Sex.

Means to an End!

It has been said, and I agree, that the two most important decisions we have to make in life are,

First our Faith and Second our Mate. The first influences our decision on the second.

If God is our Lord and we know that marriage is for His plan and purpose, we will therefore look for a mate to fulfill this rather than our personal plan or pleasure.

Means to an End!

Can you imagine a couple in a vehicle who cannot agree on a destination? In addition every vehicle has a capacity, can you also imagine a vehicle that stops at every possible moment to keep up picking up passengers?

I know it’s not likely we agree on the best temperature, music and sometimes even the speed of the vehicle but we must agree on the direction we are headed.

Without common Faith in God and Goals we will ultimately drift apart and destroy the marriage with the common claim that we have nothing in common or having a common focus would go a long way to strengthening the marriage.

Agreement: Money

In my premarital counseling sessions I fondly ask the couples who come in, if they know how much each other earns or generates in their businesses.

The principle is simple if he or she does not let you know before you marry its unlikely they would open up any more after.

Genesis 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

This nakedness was more than just physical and involves being vulnerable to one another.

The flipside of this kind of exposure is that it eliminates false expectations and disappointments in the marriage.

Agreement: Money

This is important because it is a reality check for the couple and allows them know where they are starting from and helps set goals to where they want to be.

Money and financial management is crucial in a marriage. The bible gives this a lot of importance and for any couple to ignore this is looking for marital trouble and the Spirit Field Bibles makes the following commentary on money.

Ecclesiastes 10:19 A feast is made for laughter, And wine makes merry; But money answers everything.

Agreement: Money

It is crucial that the issue of money and finances are discussed early in any relationships leading to marriage.

We must understand that money as we have seen is important but not the main stay of any marriage; it determines the lifestyle and standard of living the couple would be able to sustain.

Their level of finance is not the level they would reach because of the great potential we hope would be found in the couples individually and which should be harnessed by their coming together but we all know that this is not true in every case.

Agreement: Money

However being able to realistically set goals and plan future strategies for this new family would eliminate and reduce the possibilities of disappointments and would provide a measurable way to plan and prepare for this important aspect of life.

The number of marriages suffering from the problems of finances and related issues cannot be overemphasized, we tend to go into marriages with a blind hope that all things would work automatically.

Agreement: Money

I have come to realize we need to plan and do our part.

This I believe gives God the “seed” He can turn into a “harvest.”

One important definition of success by John Maxwell is “success is preparation meeting opportunity.” We cannot do much about opportunity but a lot on preparation.

How many couples prepare financially for marriage?

Agreement: Children

Closely connected with financial issues is the number of children we desire to have in marriage.

Controversially, I must say here and now I have never much believed is praying and worrying over the sex of children. I believe children are from and he knows best who and what he can entrust to us and what is best for us.

This however does remove the fact that God wants us to have the desire of our hearts but we must not make sex of our children an issue.

The reason I have brought this issue of the number of children we intend to have is because of the type of society we live in.

Agreement: Children

In many families, today, both parents work and the advancement and demand of society has I many ways limited and greatly reduced the time crucial for families to live and spend quality time together. In the same way the cost of education, medical and other social needs have put the family under pressure.

For example; a family where the total annual income of both parents in today’s society is approximately five hundred thousand naira [N500, 000.00] per annum. Consider where the school fees for schools the parents desire for their two children are about two hundred and fifty thousand [N250, 000.00] per annum. How would they be able to cope if they had four children?

Agreement: Children

This illustration has narrowed its field to financial costs of educating the children and has not even taken into consideration medical bills and other living expenses.

The one component which I think is even more important than these would be time with the children as a family and time for the children as individuals from both parents.

This is so crucial today with absenteeism found rampant in the nation and the breakdown of marriages, drugs and cults which clearly shows that even in developed countries and increase in wealth is not an indication of better family unity.

Agreement: Children

My suggestions to couples are to plan and prepare, setting realistic goals and expectations particularly in having children,

we have a responsibility to providing the best possible environment to enable the children to fulfill their purposes in life.

Again and again we will return to this concept that purpose must be fulfilled in marriage, families and in the lives of our children.

We cannot enter into marriage and not plan for these things. They do not happen by chance!

Agreement: Sex

This is one topic we tend to avoid speaking clearly about before and even after marriage, yet marriage is the only legitimate context in which sex can be enjoyed to its fullness.

Experience is not important to the enjoyment of sex, but knowledge is, particularly in satisfying the different sexual pleasures required by men and by women which in many ways are different. Yet many couples go into marriage in the area of sex ignorant on how to satisfy their partners.

This can go on for years and lead to frustrations and because it seems to be a taboo subject, most would not want to admit to the fact that the root of their frustrations in the marriage would be found in their sexual lives.

Agreement: Sex

As a result all other issues are brought to the forefront and we avoid the main cause and are not able to deal with the root of the problem which inevitably grows again. This is further confounded by the issues earlier discussed like finances and societal stresses.

I believe again that this can be greatly reduced by preparation and planning based primarily on both individuals acquiring knowledge needed to help their marriages deal with these issues. Being able to speak freely and unashamed about sex would go a long way.

Sex has a purpose in and for our marriage and realizing that a mans need for sex differs from that of a woman would greatly help to reorient and establish a good and satisfying sexual relationship in the marriage.

Agreement: Sex

Knowing how difficult and embarrassing this can be today even though it should not be. I suggest books like Tim and Beverly Lahaye’s……… be read by both couples in preparation and notes compared and reviewed regularly as the marriage gets along.

What we find again here s couples going into marriage without knowledge and preparation leading too frustrations in very many cases.

God ordained sex and as a purpose for it. He clearly put the boundaries for sex in marriage and one conclusion we can reach about the today’s level of sexual promiscuity can be because we have not reached and experienced the ultimate sexual act in marriage.

money, children and sex

The freedom and ability to discuss these three things, money, children and sex before marriage is an indication that the couples are realistic and ready for marriage avoiding them is an indication of bad preparation and many of these issues would hinder your walk in marriage.

CONCLUSIONS

Going back to our illustration of marriage as a vehicle, we can clearly see the various issues that we have discussed so far as components that make the vehicle run well to its destination

You and I have seen that sometimes what stop a vehicle from moving or running properly are not always the big things small things screws are flat batteries can hinder a vehicles movement as much as a flat tire.

It is possible to take the illustrations further by signifying the fact that vehicles require maintenance and fuel to run on and this is the same for marriage and we can identify aspects of marriage which can be relate to maintenance and fuel.

Maintenance 1. continuing repair work: work that is done regularly to

keep a machine, building, or piece of equipment in good condition and working order (often used before a noun) ·∙ We take the car in for maintenance every six months.

2. condition: working order ·∙ a car in a poor state of maintenance

3. maintaining of something: the continuation or preservation of something ·∙ behavior that threatens the maintenance of our security

4. provision of financial support: the provision of enough money to enable the things necessary for a decent lifestyle, for example, clothes, food, and a place to live ·∙ responsible for the maintenance of two retired parents

5. means of support: the money that somebody has to pay for necessities, for example, food, clothing, and a place to live ·∙ Family maintenance takes a big bite out of our budget.

Fuel

1. source of energy: something that is burned to provide power or heat

2. source of nuclear energy: the fissionable material used to create power in a nuclear generator

3. source of stimulation: something that stimulates or maintains something else, especially an emotion ·∙ Her refusal to answer questions added fuel to his curiosity.

v (past fu·∙eled, past participle fu·∙eled, present participle fu·∙el·∙ing, 3rd person present singular fu·∙els)

1. vt supply with fuel: to supply something with material to burn for power or heat

2. vt stimulate: to stimulate or maintain something, especially an emotion

3. vi obtain fuel: to take on supplies of fuel for running a vehicle

Concept

From these definitions its possible to see the advantage and wisdom in seeing marriage as a vehicle, it clearly show us that its on going and requires regular input of what I believe we can call love and see the need to include maintenance schedules and plans for he marriage to run efficiently.

The vehicles destination is God purposes for that family. It is important to state here that I am dealing with

precepts and concepts in this book and it is not specifically tailored to any person or personalities but concepts that help us make a much needed paradigm shift in our attitude to marriage

Concept

1. something thought or imagined: something that somebody has thought up, or that somebody might be able to imagine. Also called conception

2. broad principle affecting perception and behavior: a broad abstract idea or a guiding general principle, such as one that determines how a person or culture behaves, or how nature, reality, or events are perceived ·∙ the concept of time

3. understanding or grasp: the most basic understanding of something

4. way of doing or perceiving something: a method, plan, or type of product or design

CONCLUSIONS

With this in mind I would want to look at the purpose or destination in marriage in two very broad perspectives:

General will of God in marriage as clearly illustrated in the bible common to all of us as His children.

God specific plan for your marriage peculiar to you as a couple and relevant to your life and world.

It is important that we distinguish them in order to put in perspective, how the make up of families differ primarily because our assignments are different even when we have common expectations from the marriage.

CONCLUSIONS

This would help to understand why families can go through similar situation and circumstances and the effect would differ in terms of the results. Every family is put together for purpose.

Recognizing that the family is the smallest unit of any community or nation explains the focus and strategy of the enemy.

God puts people into this world through families, even dysfunctional ones looking at biblical history from Joseph, whose family particularly his bothers hatred and jealousy brought him to destiny to Moses whose family’s love and determination saved him from premature death to destiny.

CONCLUSIONS

In the same way even in today’s history may of the greatest leaders and people of note have acknowledged the role of family to their outstanding stories and testimony.

Every nation started with a family and therefore the family unit is the greatest incubator on earth to fulfill purpose.

Life is meant to be lived to fulfill purpose and when we leave this concept out of our marriages we make into something we endure and tolerate but when we see it as a vehicle to purpose it ignites marriage with new life.

Find your purpose and run with the vision, the whole world has been waiting for you and your marriage!

Successful Marriage

What does it mean to have a successful marriage, to answer this we must define success particularly in the context of the book.

One definition I would like to use is that of John C. Maxwell in his book Success, One Day at a Time,

Who doesn’t desire success? It may seem peculiar to ask that question. Yet most of the people you know will never achieve success. They’ll dream about it. They’ll talk about it. But most of them won’t possess it. And that’s a shame. Why is that? Because most people don’t understand success. It isn’t the lottery. You don’t stop at the corner convenience store on the way home, buy a ticket, and then wait for success to strike. Nor is it a place you find when you reach some magical time of life.

Successful Marriage

Success is not a destination thing -‐ it’s a daily thing. The only way to achieve real success is to do it one day at a time.”

Success like marriage is a journey or to put it another way any marriage that is not on a journey cannot be deemed to be successful using these definitions.

A thought to consider, the two shall become one flesh, notice it is that its not automatic, they shall become, meaning it’s a process similarly the bible says the word became flesh meanng the incarnation of Jesus as man.

The tells me that is a process to becoming one and the journey is part of the process that makes us one.

The Marriage of the Bride of Christ (The Jewish Wedding) To understand bible prophecy about the return of Jesus Christ, we need to understand the Jewish Wedding as presented in scripture, because Christ spoke of his return with many Wedding Analogies. Matt 22, Matt 25, Rev. 19 & 21, Luke 12:36, "And ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding..."

The Marriage of the Bride of Christ (The Jewish Wedding) The Holy Bible says the Bride of Christ is the Church. Eph 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church... ", 2Cor 11:2 "...I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.", Rom 7:4...."ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead..."

Question: "What does it mean that the church is the bride of Christ?"

Answer: The imagery and symbolism of marriage is applied to Christ and the body of believers known as the church. These are those who have trusted in Jesus Christ as their personal savior and have received eternal life. In the New Testament, Christ, the Bridegroom, has sacrificially and lovingly chosen the church to be His bride (Ephesians 5:25-‐27). Just as there was a betrothal period in biblical times during which the bride and groom were separated until the wedding, so is the bride of Christ separate from her Bridegroom during the church age. Her responsibility during the betrothal period is to be faithful to Him (2 Corinthians 11:2; Ephesians 5:24).

Question: "What does it mean that the church is the bride of Christ?" At the Second Coming of Christ, the church will

be united with the Bridegroom, the official "wedding ceremony" will take place and, with it, the eternal union of Christ and His bride will be actualized (Revelation 19:7-‐9; 21:1-‐2).

As believers in Jesus Christ, we who are the bride of Christ wait with great anticipation for the day when we will be united with our Bridegroom. Until then, we remain faithful to Him and say with all the redeemed of the Lord, “Come, Lord Jesus!” (Revelation 22:20).

A Street Car Named Marriage

Spiritual

Transcript of A Street Car Named Marriage