A Guide to Stress Management

By Inge Dowden

10 Herald Close l Bristol BS9 1DF inge@ingedowdencoaching.com

l 0117 3704204 l 07865 399013 l www.ingedowdencoaching.com

Stress management tips

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12 things you can do

to increase your stress levels

followed by

8 things you can do

to reduce your stress levels

Stress is all around us and everybody has heard of it. Most people agree that it’s

bad for you, but some people say that they thrive under stress. What they’re

talking about though is pressure, not stress. A certain amount of pressure can

motivate us and make us perform better, but when it’s going on for too long, or

the amount of pressure is excessive, it will have many negative effects.

These effects include physical ones (high blood pressure, insomnia, fatigue,

headaches etc) as well as mental ones (apathy, loss of confidence, loss of sense of

humour etc). And most importantly, it will affect our ability to make decisions,

which has huge ramifications in both our professional and personal life.

Remember, if you’re an employer, reducing the amount of stress your employees

are under is compulsory under the Health & Safety Laws!

Since loss of humour is one of the signs, I thought I would first give you a

humoristic look at how you can increase your stress levels *, followed by some

ways to help you manage them**.

* with thanks to ArcaMax Publishing ** with thanks to Sureteam and Emotional Intelligence at Work

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1. NEVER EXERCISE

Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying (see point 10). It also

releases endorphins which make you feel happy and positive, so you definitely

want to stay away from them!

2. EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT & GAIN WEIGHT

Hey, if cigarettes can’t cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn’t likely to. Work

hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight, as this will also

help with the high blood pressure, the headaches and fatigue.

3. TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS

No need for hard drugs; the old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar and cola will

do the job just fine. Oh and don’t forget the alcohol!

4. GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM

Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that you concern yourself

with friendships only if you have time, and you never have time. If people persist in

trying to be your friend, avoid them.

5. PERSONALISE ALL CRITICISM

Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house, or car is

mounting a personal attack on you. Don't take time to listen, be offended, and

then return the attack!

6. MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO

Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!

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7. BECOME A WORKAHOLIC

Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and

weekends. Keep reminding yourself that holidays are for sissies and if you do take

one, remember to bring your laptop and blackberry and ensure that you can be

contacted at any time.

8. DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS

Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then

worry about it all whenever you get a chance (see point 10).

9. PROCRASTINATE

Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvellous amount of

stress.

10. WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL

Worry about the stock market, banker’s bonuses, earthquakes and the

approaching Ice Age; you know: all the big issues.

11. BE A PERFECTIONIST

In fact, become not only a perfectionist, but set impossibly high standards......and

either beat yourself up, or feel guilty, depressed, discouraged, and/or inadequate

when you don't meet them.

12. THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR

Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one. Don’t

encourage other people either, as laughing is infectious and could spread all

around you, and then where would you be?

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Should you decide that stress is something you want to have as little of as possible,

you can first of all do the opposite of the above, as well as the following 8 things:

1. MANAGE EXPECTATIONS

Expectations are really demands, whether they are your own, or other people’s.

Start by managing your own expectations and then work on others. Learn to say

“no”, and perfectionists: accept that good enough is often good enough

(perfectionism is after all a form of self-importance).

2. PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE

Unless you are a doctor, generally things are NOT life and death. When everything

gets on top of you, take a step back and look at it in the grand scheme of things.

There are things that can wait until tomorrow, you can call your appointment to

tell them you’re going to be late (instead of driving like a maniac) and yes, there

really are children starving in Africa.

3. CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES

Fight the important ones, but let the little ones go. Give someone else the

satisfaction of “winning” now and again and your life can be a whole lot easier.

Before you get on your high horse think: “Is this really going to make a big

difference to my life?” and if it is, fight, but if it isn’t, let it go.

4. TRUST PEOPLE

You can’t prove a negative, so until someone has proven to be untrustworthy, it is

a lot less stressful to assume that other people are perfectly capable of doing the

job, are happy to help and have your best interests at heart. Don’t think you’re the

only one who can do something or that everybody is out to get you – most of the

time this is not true anyway.

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5. WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Behaviour is driven by emotions and beliefs, which are based on experience. If you

believe that you are not good at presenting (because you messed up a school

presentation when you were 8), this will affect your emotions (you will feel

nervous and lacking of confidence) which in turn will affect your behaviour (the

presentation will probably not go well). If you change your belief, you can change

your emotions and your behaviour. This requires emotional intelligence, which is

something people can work on, preferably with professional help. However, if you

remember that beliefs, emotions and behaviour are connected and that if you

change one, the others will change too, you’re already half-way there.

6. BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

Man is not solitary and we work best when we’re part of a structure of

relationships, whether they are personal or professional. If you make “building

relationships” central to your life, you will find that you will always have help and

support when you most need it. So when you’re presented with a dilemma, always

think “which relationship is served by doing this and which relationship will be

damaged by this?” When you have prioritised your relationships, it will help you

make a decision more easily.

7. TWO IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

Ask yourself regularly “How do I feel?” and “What do I need?” These two simple

questions, when answered honestly, will make a big difference. Once you know

what you need, try and get it (at least you’ll know what to ask for).

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8. REMEMBER THE TRIPLE ‘A’

Accept what you can’t change

Alter what you can alter

Adapt to the situation

When you’re in a situation that is stressful, always ask yourself three questions:

1. Can I change this?

If the answer is YES, then go and change it.

If the answer is NO, then you ask yourself:

2. Can I accept this?

If the answer is YES, then stop complaining, adapt and get on with it (this is easier

when you focus on the positives of the situation)

If the answer is NO, then ask yourself:

3. Can I get away from this?

If the answer is YES, then get away from it

If the answer is NO, focus on the importance of why you can’t get away from it

(because we ALWAYS have a choice).

Now you have 20 ways to manage your stress levels. You will find some more

useful than others, so just pick the things that resonate most with you.

If you find yourself with unacceptable stress levels, please consider suitable

professional help. This could be counselling, health & safety training or coaching,

depending on your needs. Just remember there is plenty of help out there, all you

need to do is ask!

“If you’ve spent all your money, you can always go out and earn some more. If you’ve spent all your time, it’s gone forever.” Make sure you spend your time enjoying yourself!

A little bit about me: I’m Inge Dowden and I’m the Business Growth and Happiness Coach, helping people be happy and successful at work. I offer both business coaching and career coaching, and I specialise in leadership and employee engagement. I believe that when you are happy, you are more motivated, creative and action orientated, which in turn will make you more successful. My typical clients are owners and employees of small businesses who want to grow their business locally, nationally or even internationally and who realise that they need to be at their very best to achieve this. I use the DISC personality profiling system to help people understand themselves and others better, to improve communication and to avoid conflicts in the workplace. I’m also the author of “The Happy Worker: how to find a job you love and love the job you have”, which is available to buy from Amazon or through the website www.thehappyworker.co.uk.

Inge Dowden

“Because you deserve nothing less than happiness and success”

10 Herald Close l Bristol BS9 1DF inge@ingedowdencoaching.com

l 0117 3704204 l 07865 399013 l www.ingedowdencoaching.com